In keeping with tradition, I should announce that Adam Bernstein directed this episode. Sure, he's no famous movie star like Steve Buscemi or Matt Dillon! But doesn't he deserve a mention along with everyone else? I thought so.
Hill sits in a giant glass cube and tells us that Socrates or Aristotle or "one of those dead white men" said to "know thyself," and it's the hardest thing that any one of us can ever do. As Hill talks, we see old Vern Schillinger dressed in a toga with a wreath on his head, rubbing his chin as if he is thinking.
In her office, Sister Pete is telling Keller that she felt guilty about something. She plays with the crucifix around her neck. Keller reaches over, much as he did in a episode to grab the lint, except that this time he grabs Sister Pete's breast, and begins rubbing it. Sister Pete looks surprised, but then throws her head back in ecstasy and puts her hand, with the crucifix in it, on top of Keller's. A buzzer rings somewhere, pulling Sister Pete out of her reverie. It was all a fantasy. She gets a drink of water. Whew! You go, Sister Pete!
Keller walks through Em City. Murphy yells down that Keller is scheduled for a session with Sister Pete, and it's time to go. Keller decides that he would rather go to the gym. As Keller is walking to the gym, he sees Sister Pete in her office, pacing and looking at her watch. He smirks and continues to the gym. Sister Pete is still pacing when Beecher arrives, sporting a nifty new haircut, and asks if Keller is gone already. Sister Pete admits that Keller missed his second appointment in a row, and then asks Beecher if Keller has said anything about their appointments. Beecher says no, and asks if she's all right.
Keller is talking to Hill in his pod. Beecher enters and asks what's going on with Keller and Sister Pete. Keller denies that anything is going on. Beecher vows that if Keller is going to fuck with Sister Pete, then he (Beecher) is going to fuck with Keller, and stomps out. Hill asks what that was all about, and Keller says that it's Beecher's time of the month. Outside, Said stops Beecher and talks to him.
Murphy tells Alvarez that it's time to go. Alvarez gets up slowly and leaves his pod. Rivera and his wife are waiting in a conference room with Sister Pete. Rivera keeps rolling some dice. Alvarez arrives and walks slowly into the room. Sister Pete makes the introductions, and explains the purpose of the session -- "to provide an environment for discussion, to ask and answer questions, and to share experiences." Sister Pete lays down some ground rules and asks Rivera to begin. Rivera says that thanks to Alvarez, he can't see his beautiful wife. Rivera asks Alvarez if there is a reason why he deserves this. Sister Pete asks if Alvarez has thought about what it's like for Rivera, and Alvarez replies, "Kinda." Rivera wonders why he was targeted instead of the other guards or prison officials. Mrs. Rivera gets pissed that Alvarez isn't giving them a reason for the attack. Sister Pete gets Mrs. Rivera calmed down and asks Alvarez to explain why it happened. Alvarez says that he can't. Rivera guesses that Alvarez did it because of Hernandez. Alvarez admits that it started out that way, but that he hates prison because of what it did to his grandfather, his father, and him, and Rivera represented the prison to him. Rivera takes off his sunglasses and says that he wants his eyes back. Alvarez apologizes. Rivera asks again for his eyes back. Alvarez asks for forgiveness. Sister Pete asks Rivera if he can forgive Alvarez. Rivera says, "Not today," and rolls the dice a final time, getting snake eyes. Mr. and Mrs. Rivera stand up to leave, and Sister Pete asks them to remain open to the possibility of another meeting. Alvarez stares at the dice. Because they are snake eyes. Get it?
Hill tells us that Superman's secret identity was Clark Kent, as we see Beecher dressed in glasses and a suit, and, in the background, Beecher dressed in a cape and tights like a superhero. Hill wonders why Superman needed a secret identity, and concludes that Superman was schizophrenic. I'm surprised that they haven't done a graphic novel with that storyline.
Sister Pete marches into Em City and asks Keller if they can talk. Keller leads her into his pod, apologizing for the girlie magazines open on his bed, but making sure to show them to her before putting them away. Sister Pete asks why Keller has missed their last two sessions. Keller says that he's been afraid to go back after opening up to her so much in their last session, because he hates himself. Keller looks out and sees Beecher watching him. Said walks up and stands to Beecher, which seems to happen a lot in this episode. Keller asks Sister Pete if she knows what it's like to want someone, to long for someone. He keeps getting closer and closer, and she's not backing away. Keller says she must, because she's a psychologist, and a nun, but she's a woman first. Just when it looks like they're going to kiss, Murphy bangs on the door and asks if Sister Pete is okay. Keller backs off, and Sister Pete says that she's fine. After Murphy leaves, Sister Pete tells Keller that she can help him. Keller asks her to talk to Beecher. Sister Pete advises Keller to tell Beecher that he loves him, and she realizes that this whole thing has been about using her to get back at Beecher. Keller admits that she's right. Sister Pete says that he doesn't get it -- that Beecher trusted him, and Keller broke that trust. Keller objects that he's changed. Sister Pete points out that he manipulated her, and she doesn't trust him anymore, and starts to leave. Keller grabs her arm and pulls her back, and she tells him to let go of her. Keller smiles and lets her go, saying, "Hell hath no fury, huh Sister?" Sister Pete leaves the pod, and I can't be sure, but it looked like he put his hand down his pants. I wouldn't put it past him.
Sister Pete looks at some newspaper clippings about her husband's death, and then makes a confession to Father Mukada. She confesses that she had lustful feelings. Father Mukada reassures her that it's okay, because she didn't act on them. Sister Pete says that it's opened up feelings she thought she had paved over, and she feels like she owes it to her soul to be true to herself. Father Mukada turns to look her in the eye, and Sister Pete drops the bomb that she's decided to leave the convent. Father Mukada looks stunned, but Sister Pete holds up a hand to ward off any protests he may have, then walks away. Father Mukada sits there, flabbergasted.
Leo questions Hernandez about the drugs found in his possession. Hernandez pretends that he doesn't speak English. Leo tries threatening Hernandez with additional time on his sentence, and when that doesn't work, points out that Guerra and Ricardo will probably rat Hernandez out anyway. That doesn't work either, so Leo orders Hernandez out. As he leaves, Hernandez gives Ricardo the evil eye. Ricardo enters the interrogation room. Leo tries a different tack with Ricardo, saying that Ricardo is not as bad as Hernandez and Guerra, since his family still visits him, and Leo can make his life easier. Ricardo pulls the same trick as Hernandez, and Leo orders him back to the hole.
Ricardo's sister arrives with a giant fruit basket. Diane informs her that Ricardo is in solitary and has no privileges. Ricardo's sister protests, but Diane isn't having it. Ricardo's sister insists on talking to someone in charge, so she meets with McManus, who explains about the drug charge. Ricardo's sister explains that she doesn't want Ricardo to think that she's abandoned him, and that she's all he's got. McManus doesn't relent, but does allow her to write Ricardo a note. Ricardo's sister thinks that the note will kill him. Later, McManus gives the note to Ted Danson to give to Ricardo. The old guard asks Ted Danson why he's taking messages to "that fucking spic." Ted Danson agrees and tosses the note in the garbage.
While in solitary, Ricardo has a flashback to the time he attacked Clayton Hughes. This provides a segue to Clayton getting dropped off by his mother, who greets the guard on duty and asks to see Leo. When Leo comes out, they hug. Mrs. Hughes admits that she never thought she'd be back, but Clayton has never been happier. She gives Leo a picture of him and her husband from back in the day. Leo takes the picture and puts it close to his heart. Mrs. Hughes leaves, but not before wishing Clayton a happy birthday.
Diane and Father Mukada have plotted a surprise birthday party for Clayton. Father Mukada tells Diane what Giles told him -- that Leo killed Clayton's dad. Diane doesn't believe it. Father Mukada says that he felt the same way, but he thinks it's fishy that the murder was never solved. Diane advises Father Mukada to tell Leo about his suspicions.
Father Mukada tells Leo what Giles said, and insists that Clayton has a right to the whole truth. Leo says that he doesn't have to explain himself. Father Mukada says that Leo does need to talk to Clayton, and compares it to a confession, in that it only needs to be made once. Leo angrily orders Father Mukada to "get the fuck out of [his] office." Yeah, that'll quell his suspicions.
Diane and Clayton clean up in the library after his birthday celebration. Ryan and some black guy come in, arguing about Cyril's boxing skills. Clayton tells Ryan to shut up, but Ryan protests that it's the other guy's fault, as usual. Clayton immediately takes the black guy's side, which I only mention because I think it's a portent of things to come. That's one of the benefits of recapping old episodes. Clayton pulls out his nightstick to clobber Ryan, but accidentally hits Diane on the forehead. She drops to the ground, and the prisoners all book it out of there. Clayton helps Diane, who is bleeding.
Leo and Clayton talk alone. Clayton reports that Diane had a few stitches and a mild concussion. Leo asks what he was thinking, and reminds him that this isn't his first warning. Clayton wonders if he's fired. Leo tells Clayton to sit down, because Leo's going to tell him about the day his father, Sam, died. We see a flashback as Leo explains that he wanted to treat each situation as a worst-case scenario, but Sam tried to hold him back. Flashback Leo goes to break up a fight in the cafeteria, but slips on some food and falls to the ground. The prisoners all start kicking and punching him while he's down. Flashback Sam comes over to help, and falls to the ground as well. Apparently, a prisoner stabbed Sam. The prisoners all separate, and Flashback Leo holds Flashback Sam in his arms as he dies. Leo tells Clayton that his father died "at the hands of [Leo's] stupidity." Clayton walks away in disgust.
McManus asks Diane if she's doing okay, and admits that when he heard she was hurt, he went crazy. He asks her if they can try their relationship again. Diane wonders if his suggestion is more political than romantic. Claire walks in and calls them lovebirds. Diane thinks for a minute, then grabs McManus and starts making out with him. Claire walks away, disgusted. I seem to be using the "walking away in disgust" line a lot in this episode.
Hill tells us about a man who worked on Wall Street, and wore a bra and panties under his suit, because it made him feel pretty. We see Keller, in a suit, and then he swivels around in his chair, and he's wearing a bra and panties. Somehow, Chris Meloni makes it work.
Ginzburg finishes typing Nappa's book, calling it "the best true-crime book since In Cold Blood." He prepares to send it to a literary agent by saving it to a disk and putting the disk in an envelope. Nappa tells Ginzburg to be careful, reminding him that if the other Mafia guys find out about the book, Nappa will be dead. Ginzburg wants to have a special dinner to celebrate, and get all dressed up, but Nappa doesn't think so. Ginzburg walks out, stuffing the envelope in his pants, and fakes an illness so that he can go to the ER. One of the other gay guys picks up the envelope there and takes it to Pancamo, who hands over a carton of cigarettes. Pancamo asks the messenger if his friend is going to take care of that other matter. The messenger nods and smiles. Pancamo crushes the disk with his bare hand, calling Nappa "a fucking rat." That was impressive! I bet Chuck Zito could really crush a disk with one hand. He's a bad-ass.
Nappa walks into his cell to find Ginzburg dressed as a woman, with a candlelight dinner waiting. Nappa pours some wine, and Ginzburg offers up a toast. In his cell, Pancamo says that Nappa was like a father to him. In their cell, Ginzburg makes sure that Nappa is asleep and then smothers him with a pillow.
Hill tells us that the people of Gotham City had to be really dumb, because they never figured out that Batman and Robin were Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson. The best part of this speech? Adebisi dressed as Batman, and Kenny dressed as Robin. Even better? Adebisi dressed as Bruce Wayne, and Kenny dressed as Dick Grayson. ["Funny -- I don't remember Bruce Wayne sporting a little hat. Hee." -- Sars]
Adebisi tells Murphy that he wants to file a complaint about Tim McManus. In his office, Leo is incredulous that Adebisi is alleging sexual harassment against McManus. Adebisi claims that McManus touched Kenny's penis. Leo orders Kenny in, and Kenny says that Adebisi is not lying. Kenny spins a tale about how sad he's been lately, and how McManus pretended to be his friend, adding that Adebisi convinced him to report it. In an empty hall, McManus strenuously denies the allegations to Leo. McManus can't believe that Leo believes it at all. Leo brings up the Claire situation, and how McManus has been bed-hopping for years. Leo says that if the allegations are true, McManus is finished.
Adebisi talks to a television reporter, claiming to have a story "all about sex." The reporter interviews Adebisi, Kenny, and Claire on camera. The reporter tries to get a comment from McManus, who orders them out of his office. The prisoners and guards watch the news report. Diane gets up and changes the station to Miss Sally. In disgust.
Murphy comes into McManus's office and asks if McManus has called his lawyer. McManus says that his lawyer advised him to act normal, but that's what got him in trouble in the first place. Murphy assures him that it'll be all right. McManus watches as Kenny is transferred to Gen Pop.
McManus goes to visit Shirley on death row, at her request. Shirley tells him that she's had some stunning blows: Richie Hanlon's murder, for starters, and now she's found out that she lost her most recent appeal, and her execution is set for Thursday. She grabs McManus's hand and asks if he will help her to choose her means of execution. McManus points out that lethal injection is the least painful. Shirley wants her mode of death to have significance. McManus suggests the gas chamber, but Shirley points out that the gas turns your skin green. McManus comes up with a hanging, because your feet do "a dance of death." Shirley thinks that sounds perfect, and confesses that Richie had a crush on McManus. Immediately, McManus calls to be let out of the cell. Shirley advises him not to let the sexual harassment charges bother him, and McManus bolts. Shirley grabs a scarf and fashions a makeshift noose, then checks herself out in the mirror to see how it will look.
At the staff meeting, Diane talks about some new vests which are shank-proof as well as bullet-proof. Leo adds that they cost $400 each, and he doesn't have that kind of money in the budget. McManus busts in and reports that Gloria just examined Shirley, and she's pregnant. In her cell, Shirley clutches her stomach and says, "Holy fuck!" No kidding.
Cyril shadowboxes while Ryan works on a computer. Ryan gets annoyed and tells Cyril to beat it. Rebadow, Busmalis, and Hill enter the room and ask Ryan if he's betting on Khan or Kramer in the fight. Ryan says he's sitting this one out, because Cyril has to fight the winner, and he doesn't want to jinx it. Rebadow points out that Ryan always bets on the winner, and Ryan claims to flip a coin. They press Ryan for a prediction, and Ryan gives reasons why either man might win, then tosses Hill a coin. There is yelling outside, and Ryan rushes out, yelling for Cyril. Outside, he finds Cyril fighting with Hoyt. Murphy and another guard rush in to break it up. Murphy warns Cyril to confine his boxing to the ring, or he might get disqualified and not be able to fight in the championship. Cyril tells Ryan that he likes to fight, because people cheer, and he's not scared anymore. Ryan says that Cyril doesn't need to fight all the time, and Cyril points out that Ryan does. I'm not sure what the point of that scene was. Was it to show us that sometimes Cyril is more perceptive than he appears? I don't know.
Arif tells Khan that he has to beat Kramer as a victory for righteousness. See, because Kramer is gay and the Muslims don't believe in that. Adebisi enters the room, and Khan tells him to go away. Adebisi says that he might want to learn about Islam, and then tells Khan to beat Kramer not because he is gay, but because he is white.
Kramer makes out with some guy in his cell. Schillinger walks in, and Kramer asks what he wants. Schillinger wants Kramer to focus on his match. Kramer says that Schillinger didn't care about him until he was boxing against a Muslim. Threats are exchanged.
It's time for the match! Adebisi yells out, "Kill that white bitch!" and it starts a chant. Kramer lands many punches. At one point, the men lock up and Kramer pats Khan on the ass, which Khan doesn't like very much. The match ends, and Murphy comes out to announce the scores. Khan barely wins, by decision.
Hill tells us that people live their whole lives knowing who they are, but then something comes along to blow all of those illusions to shit.
At night in Em City, Beecher and Said pray to Allah. Keller watches from his pod, looking vexed. The morning, Adebisi and his stripy sock come down and approach Beecher, who is standing outside his pod. Adebisi wants to see Said, so Beecher allows him inside. Adebisi says that he has always admired Said, and Said returns the compliment. Adebisi asks Said to join him, and Said is honored, but refuses. Adebisi points out that the others will kill him, and Beecher can't protect him. Said says that he's ready to take the journey that Allah has given him. Adebisi leaves, looking disgusted. There's that disgust again.
In the cafeteria, Schillinger comments to his evil minions that they could never hurt Said before, because of his bodyguards, but now they get to kill Said and Beecher. Keller walks up and asks to sit with Beecher and Said, but Beecher waves him away. Keller says that they need firepower, but Beecher doesn't care, so Keller leaves. Said comments that if Beecher wants to get closer to God, he must forgive Keller and Schillinger. Beecher doesn't think that he can, and asks if Said needs to forgive Khan. Said turns and glares at Khan.
Said and Beecher head towards Khan's pod. Said tells Beecher to stay a distance away. Said approaches Khan's bodyguards and asks to see Khan. Said and Khan enter a pod to talk. Said blah blah blahs about how he became a leader, but he was still selfish and arrogant. Now, he has been humbled, but not by Khan -- by God. Said has nothing left but Allah, and that is more than enough. Khan turns his back on Said, so Said leaves the pod. Beecher chases Said down the stairs. Said reaches the center of the common area and strips off his shirt, lying down prostrate on the floor. As the other prisoners watch, Said starts praying out loud. Khan watches, puzzled.
Keller is having a hard time while working on the computer. Beecher enters the room and helps him out. Keller chuckles and says that he loved Said's floorshow. Beecher says that Said has helped him to see things more clearly, and he forgives Keller, and asks Keller's forgiveness. Keller stands and hugs Beecher, then professes his love for Beecher. Beecher loves Keller, too. Aw! Keller breaks the hug and grabs Beecher by the collar. What, now he's ready for some rough sex? Beecher breaks away and walks out.
Keller walks into the gym and asks for Ryan's help in whacking Said. Ryan informs Keller that they don't have to do anything, because the Aryans are going to kill Said. Keller asks when, and Ryan says that it'll probably happen right now. Keller turns to watch the floorshow.
Beecher walks into the gym and tells Schillinger that he feels badly about his part in Andy's death, and apologizes. Beecher knows that there's nothing worse than losing a kid, and he wants to make it up to Schillinger, who wonders how he can do that. Beecher offers to use his old law connections to find Schillinger's missing son. Schillinger says that there's only one thing that will make this all okay, and he pulls out a shank. Beecher blocks the attack with his cane and knocks Schillinger on his ass. A melee ensues, with Schillinger stabbing Beecher and Keller stabbing Schillinger. Keller falls on Beecher to protect him from further damage as the SORT guys move in.
The guards order a lockdown in Em City. Hill voice-overs the following while we see a montage. "People are defined by three things." Prisoners are shoved into their cells by the guards. "Their heads, how they think..." Beecher and Schillinger are wheeled to the hospital ward. "Their hearts, how they feel..." Said is thrown into solitary, as are Khan and Keller. "And their dicks, who they fuck." McManus sits in his office. "At the end of the day, each of us has to answer one question. One not-so-simple question. Who am I?" A guard mops up the blood from the gym floor. In disgust. Okay, not really, but I had to get one more in there.