This episode was directed by Oz's own Tim McManus, Mr. Terry Kinney. Did you see the fine work he did in Save the Last Dance?
Hill sits on a black platform. As walls slam down around him, Hill informs us that life in Oz sucks. No kidding. This show is the best crime deterrent around. Not that I was thinking about committing any crimes, but if I were, watching this show has convinced me that I would commit suicide before going to prison. Anyway, Hill's point is that, in the olden days, punishment was different. For example, if someone was arrested for drunkenness, he would be forced to wear a whiskey barrel and walk around town, letting the citizens make fun of him. That still sounds preferable to prison to me.
Cyril is working the heavy bag in the gym. Pancamo is sparring nearby and, after landing a particularly brutal punch on his opponent, reminds Cyril that he is . Apparently, Pancamo and Cyril are the competitors in the match in the boxing tournament (a.k.a. McManus's worst idea ever). Ryan urges Cyril to keep practicing, and then looks over at Murphy for tips, but Murphy just shrugs and rolls his eyes as only Murphy can.
Later, Murphy tells Ryan that Pancamo is tough, and that the only advantage Cyril has is speed. Murphy comments that Ryan doesn't seem too worried. Ryan replies that he has faith. Murphy walks off, saying that faith is good, but that his money is on Pancamo. I know I've said it before, but Murphy deserves a slot in the edition of Law & Order because he can out-Briscoe Briscoe.
Ryan asks Cudney to steal some more chlorohydrate, but Cudney refuses. Ryan reminds him of their deal, but Cudney says that he has confessed and promised to sin no more. Ryan says that there are others who will do it. Cudney has figured out what Ryan is doing with the drug, but Ryan claims that it's "crazy talk." Cudney goes on to say that he's made an appointment with the warden to tell him of Ryan's doings. Cudney thinks that by turning Ryan in, he's saving both their souls. Silly Cudney! Ryan has no soul! Well, it looks like Cudney has just signed his own death warrant, because we all know that Ryan isn't above killing someone to avoid getting caught.
Ryan approaches Yuri, the crazy Russian. Ryan tells Yuri he's heard that the Russians are "crazy fucked-up motherfuckers," and Ryan needs a job done. Ryan flashes a wad of cash to seal the deal.
The guards are taking inventory, and Cudney turns up missing. He's lying in his bed, and when the guard goes in to see what the deal is, they find that -- to the surprise of none of the viewers -- Cudney has shuffled off this mortal coil. Murphy figures out that Cudney has been stabbed in the neck, based on the two tiny puncture wounds there. Cut to Yuri putting the earpieces back onto his glasses; looks like that was the murder weapon. Russky yells at Yuri in Russian, but Yuri apparently isn't having it, and walks out. Ryan walks by Yuri in slow motion, and nods.
In the gym, Ryan grabs Pancamo's helpfully labeled water bottle and pours in something that's not chlorohydate; I think it's supposed to be heroin. It's time for the boxing match between Cyril and Pancamo. Both men refuse to wear their headgear, but I think Pancamo's got more to lose with that move. McManus says that it's okay for them to fight without it, so the match begins. Pancamo takes the early lead, and just before the bell rings signifying the end of the first round, nails Cyril with a blow to the head. After some refreshing water, Pancamo comes out for the round. Pancamo once again nails Cyril in the head, and Cyril goes down to the mat. Before Cyril can be counted out, the round is over. Pancamo goes back for more of that delicious water, and the camera goes crazy -- to signify his blurred vision, I guess. Cyril takes advantage. Pancamo throws a couple of punches that connect with nothing but air. Finally, Cyril lands the death blow, knocking Pancamo out.
Ryan rubs Cyril's shoulders in their cell, telling Cyril that he can succeed as long as he focuses. Russky comes in and asks to speak to Ryan alone. Cyril books it out of there. Russky reveals that he knows about the job Yuri did for Ryan. While applying ointment to his removed tattoo, Ryan feigns ignorance. Russky says that Yuri is very dangerous, and must be removed. Ryan says, "You can't shit a shitter." Ryan explains that he knows Russky wants Yuri dead, and is trying to get Ryan to do it. Ryan suggests that Russky get the Sicilians to do it instead.
Russky approaches Pancamo in the laundry room. Pancamo admits that Yuri is "very disrespectful." Russky says that Yuri bet against Pancamo in the boxing match and won heavily, and that Yuri claims he spiked Pancamo's water with heroin. Pancamo is upset at this news, but appreciates Russky's telling him. Pancamo now owes Russky.
Pancamo and Ryan meet with Murphy and McManus. Pancamo wants to do the fight over, and offers to get tested for drugs in order to prove that his water was tainted. McManus doesn't want to spend time and money on testing just because Pancamo is a sore loser, and orders Pancamo out. Ryan smirks and follows. On the stairs, Ryan tells Pancamo that it was stupid to admit to the hacks that he knows Yuri was behind the tampering. Now, if Yuri turns up dead, the hacks will know Pancamo did it. Ryan suggests that Pancamo get Yuri sent to solitary for the rest of his life, or better yet, to death row. In order to accomplish this, Ryan tells Pancamo to make sure that Yuri finds out Russky snitched on him. Man, that Ryan. He's always one step ahead of the game.
Hill tells us that in the 1600s, a snitch or gossip had to wear an iron helmet with a front plate, covered with spikes. The spikes were placed inside the mouth, so that the criminal learned to keep his or her mouth shut. Wait, gossip is a crime? They're going to lock me up and throw away the key.
In the library, Russky talks to Yuri in Russian, yet again. Yuri suggests that they "speak American." Thank God. Yuri says that he was a teacher in Russia, as he gets a glass of water and pours it on the keypad that locks the door. Russky misses all of this because he's perusing some books. Yuri explains that he came to America with his wife to find a better life. Yuri pours water on the keypad of the only other door in the room while Russky's back is turned. Yuri couldn't get a job as a teacher, so he took a job painting the house of some dude who was high up in the Russian mafia. Russky recognizes the guy's name. Yuri explains that the Mafia guy treated Yuri terribly, calling him names, and even kicking him in front of his wife, so Yuri strangled him on the spot. As you do. Russky finally figures out that something is up, and asks whether it's closing time. Yuri wants to finish his story, but Russky wants out. Unfortunately, the doors don't work because of the wet keypads. Yuri explains that he got a reputation for being ruthless, and became a contract killer. Yuri has now murdered forty-nine people, and Russky will be his fiftieth. Russky starts yelling for the guards as Yuri removes his glasses and stabs Russky in the neck. The guards bust in and drag Yuri off.
Gloria treats Russky in the hospital ward. Yuri is thrown naked into solitary, but thankfully, we don't see his twig and berries. Ryan and Pancamo do a shot of vodka in Ryan's cell in celebration of their plan working out perfectly.
The inmates watch Miss Sally's show. Ryan thinks one of the puppets is gay. Hill and Keller get into an argument over whether a puppet can be gay. ["Dude. Dr. Teeth from the Muppets. I rest my case." -- Wing Chun] Hill thinks that you need a penis to be gay, but Keller points out that all you really need is a mouth. Interesting theory.
The Latino crew approaches Ryan. Alvarez says that Hernandez wants to see Ryan. Ryan enters Hernandez's cell. Hernandez complains that Ryan is selling drugs even though Hernandez, Adebisi, and Pancamo are supposed to control drug sales in the prison. Ryan allows that he's been selling a little, but not enough to make a difference. Hernandez doesn't care, and Ryan asks whether they've talked this over with Adebisi and Pancamo. Hernandez demands that Ryan hand over what he's got on him. Ryan pulls some drugs out of his pocket and hands them over. Alvarez frisks Ryan and finds more drugs in his sock. Hernandez tells Ryan that he can't sell anymore, and Ryan leaves. On his way out, Ryan passes Murphy, and murmurs that now would be a good time to bust Hernandez. Murphy summons some other guards over, and they rush up to Hernandez and frisk him. They find drugs, but Alvarez took off when the guards approached, so presumably he has the entire stash. Hernandez is cuffed and taken away.
Alvarez meets with Sister Pete. He claims that he wants to see what he's done to Rivera. Sister Pete doesn't understand, pointing out that Alvarez will see Rivera when they meet. Alvarez explains that he wants to see what it looked like on the day it happened, and that he knows hospitals often take photographs of patients upon arrival. They do? I guess that's where they get all that weird shit you see on the internet. Sister Pete doesn't think it's a good idea. Alvarez explains that the incident is a blur to him, and that when he looks in the mirror now, he doesn't see himself. He sees the guy who did that to Rivera. Sister Pete isn't convinced. Alvarez thinks that seeing the pictures will allow him to be alone with himself, whatever that means. I think his medication will help in that area more than anything. Sister Pete promises to see what she can do.
Rivera's wife arrives and starts yelling at Sister Pete, asking her to stop stirring up the past with her husband, because it's causing problems. Sister Pete calmly says that Rivera seems very open and ready to face Alvarez. Mrs. Rivera says that Rivera just sits at home quietly and won't talk. Sister Pete points out that Rivera might be afraid that his wife won't be supportive. Mrs. Rivera claims that she has been nothing but supportive. Sister Pete mentions that Rivera has thought of committing suicide in order to give his wife a new life. This is obviously a surprise to Mrs. Rivera, and she starts crying. Sister Pete tells the story of how her husband was murdered, explaining that, for a long time, she wallowed in pain and grief. Rivera has only two choices: to move on, or die.
Alvarez looks at a picture of Rivera from the day of the incident and freaks out, grabbing his head and moaning. He starts sobbing, and Sister Pete comforts him.
Nappa talks into a tape recorder. Man, I just recapped an episode of Felicity yesterday and this is all looking like some bizarre "Dear Sally" crossover. A guy walks into the cell, and introduces himself as Nat Ginsberg, Nappa's new roommate. Nappa tries to set Ginsberg straight about his sexual orientation, but Ginsberg isn't all that interested, asking about Nappa's tape recorder instead. Nappa says he's writing his memoir. Ginsberg knows who Nappa is, and asks whether Nappa is naming names. Nappa replies, "Names, places, felonies." Ginsberg offers to be Nappa's secretary, and Nappa accepts.
Two of the gay guys knock on Pancamo's cell door. Pancamo asks what information they have, and they nod knowingly. Clearly, they've been in touch with Ginsberg. Cut to Pancamo on the phone, telling someone that Nappa is writing a tell-all book about his life. Pancamo hangs up and tells his minion that they need to get the book and "take care of Nappa."
At night, the camera pans up Kenny's naked body. Kenny is tied facedown on his bunk, complete with wrist restraints. In the bunk above him, Adebisi (wearing the little hat, socks, and underwear) wakes up. Adebisi unties Kenny's restraints and tells Kenny that he's going to teach him how to live. Kenny calls Adebisi sick, and Adebisi drags him out of his bunk by the arm. Kenny claims to respect Adebisi, who tells him to get ready to prepare breakfast. Kenny holds his shoulder in pain.
Kenny meets with McManus, who is concerned since so many people close to Kenny have died recently. What McManus doesn't know is that Kenny was behind all of those deaths. McManus says that Kenny's son will need more from him as a father now that the kid doesn't have a mother. McManus wants Kenny to join a parenting program. Kenny agrees, saying that he will do anything for his kid.
Kenny joins his mother and son in the visitors' room. McManus is there too, for some reason. Kenny is happy to see his son, Jordan, but the kid acts like he doesn't know Kenny. Kenny's mom says that Jordan hasn't seen him for a while. Jordan starts crying; Kenny holds him out and yells at him to stop crying and to be a man. Kenny's mom rushes over to take Jordan. McManus shrugs and looks away. Kenny takes off.
Adebisi ties Kenny back up to his bunk and says that McManus was just messing with Kenny's head, as white men will do. Adebisi says that he has a plan to break McManus and bring in someone new to run Em City. Kenny thinks that it'll be just as bad, but Adebisi promises that it will be a black man. You know, the guy in charge of the entire prison is black, and that doesn't seem to be doing Adebisi any good. But, whatever.
Clayton hangs out in the library. An inmate makes a lewd gesture towards him, and then a group of inmates laugh at Clayton. Cut to the SORT team giving a class in "cell extraction of a non-cooperative prisoner." The procedure seems to be to beat the crap out of the prisoner, as far as I can tell. Clayton walks by and sees the training going on, then breaks into a smile.
In the break room, Clayton asks Murphy and Diane whether they've ever thought about going SORT. Diane says that they aren't big on women, and Murphy adds that SORT guys have to remove all of their human parts. Clayton thinks that SORT guys have to be that way, in order to shut an ugly situation down. Murphy says that he appreciates SORT, but that it takes a special kind of hard-ass to do it. Clayton asks whether Murphy thinks that Clayton doesn't have what it takes. Murphy doesn't respond. Claire walks in, and the room falls silent. She asks a question, and no one responds. Finally, Diane pipes up that what Claire did to Tim McManus sucks. Claire retorts, "What I did to Tim McManus was suck his cock, and for that, he treated me like a shitball." Full of charm, that Claire. Diane says that accusing Tim of sexual harassment is an insult to women who have been abused. Claire asks, "Like you?" Diane says that she does mean women like her. Claire accuses Diane of wanting to be everyone's best pal. Diane accuses Claire of wanting to be everyone's worst nightmare. Clayton smirks. Claire takes her coffee and leaves. Father Mukada comments that Claire is the right type for the SORT team, and Murphy cracks up. Diane looks uncomfortable.
Claire checks on the inmates in solitary. She finds Giles (the always excellent Austin Pendleton) lying facedown on the floor, and calls for backup.
Hill tells us about drawing and quartering, where a criminal was hung until he was half-dead. Then his body was cut open, his entrails taken out and burned, and his head cut off. Finally, his body was cut into quarters. Nice.
Father Mukada catches up with Leo to discuss Clayton Hughes. Leo wonders what Clayton did now, but Father Mukada is concerned that Clayton is obsessed with finding out who killed his dad. Father Mukada wants to talk to all the prisoners who were in Oz at the time. Leo doesn't think it will do any good. Father Mukada points out that, after all this time, maybe someone will give up some information.
Father Mukada enters the hospital ward to talk to Giles, who will only respond to yes or no questions. So, it's twenty questions, then. Father Mukada walks by burn victims Poet and Pierce before reaching Giles. Father Mukada asks Giles about Clayton's father. Giles gets increasingly agitated, and says that if he tells, he will be killed. Well, he actually says, "Tell, bye-bye, die." Father Mukada points out that Giles is in solitary, where no other prisoners can hurt him, and that Clayton really needs to know what happened. Giles finally say that it wasn't a prisoner who killed Clayton's father; it was Leo Glynn. Father Mukada looks stunned.
Flashback to Chip being declared dead by the Ted Danson guard. Diane walks through Unit B, and relieves Ted Danson. They discuss the death of Chip, saying that Glynn is investigating, but that he doesn't seem that anxious to find out how Chip got drugs in solitary. Diane rings the bell to wake up the prisoners. Schillinger stays in bed. His cellmate asks how he's doing. Schillinger spins a yarn to the effect that he knew a guy who had one arm, but would dream about having both arms, and then wake up disappointed. In case you didn't get it, Schillinger was talking about his son being dead. The cellmate says that Schillinger did the right thing by giving Chip the heroin, because it was like a test. Schillinger thinks it was "like euthanasia," because Keller and Beecher were going to mess with his son.
Keller tells Beecher that he's asking to be Beecher's cellmate again. Beecher doesn't want that. Keller grabs Beecher's thigh, but Beecher tells him to cut it out, with increasing degrees of urgency. Keller says that he helped Beecher get revenge on Schillinger, for the sake of their relationship. Beecher says, "You and me -- we're never gonna happen." Keller tells Beecher that he loves him, but Beecher swears and walks away. Will those two crazy kids ever work it out?
Keller catches up to Sister Pete in the hallway, excited about a visit from his ex-wife. Sister Pete asks whether it's Kitty or Angelique, but Keller says that it's Bonnie, whom he married twice. Keller points her out in the visitors' room. Sister Pete sees a redhead, but Keller says that it's the other woman. The camera swerves over to a fat chick (which I can say, being one myself). Sister Pete is at a loss for words, and asks if Bonnie gained weight after the divorce. Keller says that Bonnie was that size both times that he married her. Keller walks in and starts making out with Bonnie, grabbing her gigantic ass.
Keller meets with Sister Pete, who is going through Keller's history. He was at Lardner Prison with Schillinger when he was seventeen. Schillinger saved his life, and they had sex. Schillinger thought that he was forcing himself on Keller, but really Keller was willing. Sister Pete asks whether Keller enjoys sex with men, and Keller replies that he enjoys sex, period. He asks Sister Pete about her sex life, and reaches over to pick a piece of lint from her sweater, totally copping a feel at the same time. Sister Pete gets all flustered and admits that she misses her husband, and points out that Keller somehow always manages to turn their sessions around to talking about her instead of him. She just wants to find out why he hurt Beecher. Keller says that when he met Bonnie, she was alone, so he knew that it would be easy to get her to fall in love with him. He wondered whether she would still love him after he broke her heart. Keller concludes, "I am a piece of shit. I am worthless. As bad as they come. And to have someone keep loving me, no matter how bad..." Sister Pete has tears in her eyes. Keller asks whether she's happy that he spilled his guts. Sister Pete asks whether Keller hurt Beecher to see if Beecher would love him no matter what. Keller says that at first he wanted unconditional surrender, and then he wanted unconditional love, but Beecher doesn't love him. Sister Pete adds, "And it's killing you inside." Keller agrees.
Keller watches Beecher pray on his knees in his cell. One floor above, Said prays also.
Beecher sits in the meeting room as Said and Arif walk in and tell Beecher that the room is reserved. Beecher starts to leave, and then turns and says that the Muslims think about God all the time. Said agrees. Beecher asks why, and Said says that he wants to know God. Beecher contemplates that, and says that he does too. Beecher says he's already read the Bible, and asks to borrow the Koran. Said hands it to Beecher, and then invites him to stay for the discussion. The other Muslims don't look too happy about that. Beecher stays.
In the cafeteria, Arif and Khan berate Said for letting Beecher stay. Said defends his choice. Khan says that Said is rationalizing his actions, and is no longer fit to lead them. Kahn thinks he should be the leader. At a word from Kahn, all of the Muslims stand up and turn. They do a funny march on out of the cafeteria. Arif stands also, and orders the one remaining Muslim to join him. They leave Said sitting alone at the table, crying. The other prisoners laugh and laugh.
Beecher finds Said sitting alone on the stairs, and asks whether the rumors are true. Said confirms it. Beecher stills wants Said to teach him about God. Said's look softens, and he admits that he's not sure that he can. Beecher smiles.
Glynn asks McManus whether Said is out of power. McManus says that Beecher asked for Said to be moved into his cell. Glynn wants to set up a meeting with the new Muslim leader, Khan, and it's time for a "How I Got To Prison" flashback. Khan comes upon a man raping a woman no a playground. The man takes off, but Khan catches him and beats the crap out of him. Hill intones, "Prisoner #99K515, Hamid Khan, convicted March 6th, 1999 of aggravated assault. Sentence: ten years, up for parole in five."
Khan stands near the railing while Said gathers his things in order to move to Beecher's cell. Said and Beecher walk down the stairs together while the other prisoners heckle Said for moving in with a white man and call them love birds.
Hill's all-time favorite punishment is called "riding the stang." The wittiest person in town would be put on a chair and carried around town by the villagers, banging on a bucket and making up dirty limericks about the accused. Hill thinks that being made fun of and humiliated may be the cruelest punishment of all.
Beecher is awoken by Said crying and talking in his sleep. He comforts Said by putting a hand on him. Said wakes up and keeps crying and moaning. Wow, that was an anticlimactic ending for the episode.