Escape From Oz

We open with a close-up shot of Hill's mouth. It says, "Escape." I wish I could. He defines the word, and then tells us "there are all kinds of ways to get the fuck out of Oz." Really? They use different types of body bags?

Rebadow is keeping watch when the lights come on. He hurries Busmalis out of the hole, and replaces the tiles as Busmalis covers up his dirty clothes with a bathrobe. I'm not quite sure how he can get the tiles to stay in place over a man-sized aperture, but there are a lot bigger holes in this episode. Pun intended. And unfortunate. Shots of prisoners leaving their pods for morning count, including an entirely gratuitous one of Ryan with no shirt on. Keep it up, Fontana. McManus announces that because of his enormously misplaced and offensive combination of egomania and guilt, he booted Diane over to Unit B. Or he might have said she transferred there, and I filled in the blanks for you. I try. He says that replacing her as Head Hack is Karl Metzger, a fortyish towhead whom I don't recall seeing before. Metzger says that he's tough, fair, and strongly in favor of affirmative action. (One of those things was not like the other.) He says he doesn't take any shit, but he doesn't intend to give any either. Hilarious shot of Adebisi putting on deodorant. I thought he stank? Maybe Schibetta just had a sensitive nose. It wouldn't be the only sensitive part of him, after all. Metzger's done, so count is called.

Mack, swastika tattoo anviliciously displayed, looks around for something. The Depends Duo enters, and we quickly learn that we're in their pod, and Mack and some goon friend of his are looking for the tunnel. After Mack manhandles Busmalis a bit, Rebadow shows them where the tunnel is, and if they couldn't find it in a pod that small, I don't exactly trust them to find their way out, but those of you who have seen this episode know that that's not going to be an issue. Mack and his friend cackle gleefully, and Mack asks Busmalis how far along they are. Busmalis says that in one more day, they'll be past the prison wall. Dear Aggie: If you just said you needed another week, you could have gotten away with no problem. Just something to think about while you're occupying yourself not having sex with your wife. Love, Couch Baron. P.S. You are a giant dumbass, and that hat really has to go. Mack says that when they go, he and his goon are going with them. Rebadow points out that they'll be locked in their pod, so Mack says they'll switch pods, or he'll tell the hacks about the hole. Rebadow, so quickly that he must have a plan, agrees as long as Mack can arrange the exchange. Busmalis takes exception for a second, but everyone present and in possession of an SAG card tells him to shut up, so he does. When Mack and his Daddy are gone, Busmalis says, "I can't let those Nazis go through Lizzie. It'd be like they were raping her." And when I tell you that this is the most disturbing moment in an episode that features a man suffering a more knife-intensive version of what happened to King Lear, not to mention another incident in which the gym floor played the part of the True Cross, I think you'll agree that the best thing to do is never to speak of it again. Rebadow sagely says that they have to accept the hand they're dealt, and since they're going to lose the tunnel either way, they should let it go and start another one in the pod. You know, I think in another hundred years, Rebadow will look exactly like Yoda.

Mack approaches Metzger, pulls up his shirt to reveal some Stonecutters-esque tattoo (like Metzger wouldn't know who his people are. Give me a fucking break, here) and says he needs an "ask." Metzger nods. Cut to the locker room, where Metzger, prominently sporting the same tattoo on his back, casually asks McManus if he can switch around Mack/Daddy and the Depends Duo. McManus readily agrees. Metzger asks if he wants a reason. McManus: "I trust you." Tim McManus: Worst. Judgment. Ever. Copy his football pool picks and choose all the opposite teams -- you'll be rich in no time. Later, Mack/Daddy move in as the Depends Duo leave. Busmalis, amicably and yet unbelievably toolishly, tells them, "Take care of her." Mack gives the only right answer to that statement: "Fuck you." Nice that we got to see eye-to-eye at least once before he died. Spoiler! Also, "eye to eye." That one's going to come back to haunt me.

Night. Mack sardonically waves goodbye to the Depends Duo. Busmalis asks how Rebadow can be so calm. Rebadow: "What would you have me do?" Talk like a half-normal person? Mack Daddy enters the tunnel. Ah, the blissful, dialogue-free tunnel. Damn, we're back to the Depends pod. Busmalis says they should have told Mack Daddy something unspecified, and Rebadow says no. Busmalis: "We should have warned them we weakened all the support beams. We should have warned them that the tunnel will collapse on top of them." At first, I thought Busmalis was feeling guilty, which bugged me, because what he said seemed ridiculous. I mean, either weaken them or don't, but don't tell them about it. On second viewing, however, I think he was gloating. However, it would have been much more dramatically satisfying for the tunnel collapse to be a surprise, and then to see them gloat, so the scene still ended up bugging the shit out of me. I'm going to need some more shirtless Ryan to make up for this. ANYWAY, after some more blissfully dialogue-free tunnel shots, Daddy accidentally kicks out a support beam, and they nervously take a break. Prisoner flashback. In a cemetery, Mack spray-paints a swastika on a headstone and then kicks it over. A black caretaker accosts him, but Mack, urged on by a bunch of goons who are there with him, wrestles the shovel out of the caretaker's hands and impales him with it. "Prisoner Number 96M542. Mark Mack." Murder two, vandalism, hate crimes. Seventy years, parole in forty. Cut from the caretaker's bloody corpse back to the tunnel, where, ahead of Mack Daddy, the tunnel starts to collapse. Mack Daddy tries to back up, but to no avail, and darkness consumes them. Ffins. That's the opposite of "sniff," by the way.

The morning, Metzger impotently chews out the Em City prisoner population. Everyone looks bored. I'd love the smart-ass who said, "Aw, did someone wose his wittle Nazi fwiends?" Apparently, no one's a big enough smart-ass to risk time in the Hole. Too bad Keller's not around. Or Demian.