A propos of absolutely nothing: Dido really needs to shut up. Please go down with the ship, honey.
A propos of something: The title of this episode has absolutely nothing to do with the George Orwell book of the same name. Although there is one reference to an "Orwellian" law, it's much more 1984 than Animal Farm, so what I'm saying is: Brush up on your junior-high-school reading, Fontana.
We see a butterfly in close-up. I hope against hope that it means that Jame Gumb is now saying to Hill, "It puts the lotion in the basket," but no such luck, as Hill tells us about the Butterfly Effect, which, like the episode title, has absolutely no relevance to this episode. Will the surprises never stop?
Beecher awakens as count is called. He looks like he's had one too many beers, not one too many jars of moonshine (meaning "one"), but what do I know about hangovers? If you said "Enough to fill a volume the size of the Encyclopedia Britannica," you're not wrong. Beecher sits up slowly and stares at the empty jar on the floor, which he totally would have broken in his drunken state, by the way, and just sits there staring at it, instead of, perhaps, HIDING IT. Lord. Diane enters and tells him to hurry up, but he says he's not feeling well. It doesn't take her long to figure out what's what, and she leads him out. Cut to Pete's office. McManus asks Beecher where he got the moonshine, but Beecher isn't forthcoming. McManus: "Who brought it in? Fairies? Or was it Keller?" Hee. "Fairies." Maybe I've read A Midsummer Night's Dream too many times, but that makes me think of Keller as Oberon. In which case Beecher would certainly be Bottom. Beecher says he bought the moonshine from a guy in Unit B. Way to give up true information there, pal. Remind me not to give you the name of my contact. If I had one, of course, which I don't, because that would be wrong. Beecher doesn't give up the guy's name, probably only because he doesn't know it, and McManus threatens him with time in the hole, and I'm surprised that Beecher didn't ask if he could share a cell with naked Keller. Who's not in the episode at all, by the way, just so you Kellerites watching in reruns know to give this one a miss. Pete asks to talk to Beecher alone, and McManus pissily leaves. Beecher regretfully says he was doing so well, but Pete points out that he's had a lot of stressful things happen to him lately, and deduces that the man Beecher is in love with is Keller. Brilliant reasoning, considering that Keller's his new roommate and all. She writes him a note as she says she's going to let him sleep it off in the hospital wing this one time. "You drink again and I will kick your ass." Lace up the size nines, sister.
Schillinger sees Beecher in the hospital wing and smiles to himself. He enters with the mail cart, and cheerfully says, "Hey, Beachball." Hee. Schillinger goes on that he heard that Beecher went on a bender, and guesses that he was upset about his wife. Come on, Vern, that was two episodes ago. He's moved on. From women. Vern agreeably asks if Beecher would feel better if he told him that he, Vern, had Beecher's wife killed. Cue the music of DUN! Beecher thinks Vern's lying. Schillinger: "I guess you'll never know for sure. Best part is, either way, it's your fucking fault." Vern gets another "e" for that one. He's now Eeeeevil. Beecher pushes Schillinger, prompting Gloria to yell over at them. Vern leaves with a few chuckles and a "Later, fuckwad." Hee.
Coushaine stops Ryan in the main area and asks if he's seen Cyril, if he knows what unit he's in, et cetera. Ryan gives him a series of unfriendly nos. Coushaine's like that guy at a party who won't leave even after the host has yawned, stretched, and faux-exclaimed, "Oh my God, is that really the time?" He asks if Ryan wants him to find out where Cyril is. Ryan demands to know why Coushaine is so interested. Coushaine babbles something about brothers in the same prison. Ryan says Coushaine is trying to convert him and Cyril. Well, I can't blame him for that. And by the way, is Coushaine really supposed to be straight? I'm just not buying that. Anyway, Ryan tells him to shove off, and he finally does.
Cyril's sitting on his bed bouncing a ball when Schillinger enters, which distracts Cyril, causing him to bounce the ball off his shoe. Schillinger picks it up and greets Cyril. Schillinger chats up Cyril, but Cyril quietly but insistently asks for his ball back. Schillinger obliges and asks Cyril if he wants to see Emerald City. Yeah, Cyril's going to be bent over the rainbow soon, and I doubt he's going to be singing about it. Schillinger takes Cyril by the hand and leads him into a supply closet. I know you're challenged, Cyril, so I'm going to keep this very simple: Closets. Are. Bad. In this particular one, two other toughs are waiting. Cyril quietly asks where Ryan is. Aw. Schillinger explains that before he can take Cyril to Ryan, Cyril has to do something for him. Cyril agrees, and asks what. Schillinger gives me a wicked case of the heebie-jeebies by smiling. That's a smile from which even a mother would run screaming. He tells Cyril to take off his clothes, and when Cyril doesn't respond, he unbuttons Cyril's shirt. Silly Cyril. Trix aren't just for kids anymore. The rest of the scene is left to the imagination. Damn my vivid imagination.
The Silence Of The Narrator, except for the "silence" part. We see a panther behind Hill, but it's unfortunately only a projection. Hill asks how we know that cats can see in the dark. Good question. Let's toss you into a dark room with that tiger that mauled Roy, just as an experiment. (If you think that joke's too soon, don't email me!) He asks if you would want cat's eyes if you could have them. "Would you really want to see what's going on?" In light of the last scene, I must grudgingly admit that he has a point here.
In the cafeteria, Ryan sees Cyril sitting with Schillinger. He goes over and gets his brother's attention, and Cyril smiles big and embraces Ryan. A hack yells for them to knock it off, and Ryan says Cyril's his brother. Hack: "Looks more like your sister!" The hack then saunters off for his gig at Catch A Rising Star. Sadly, he'll probably do well there. Ryan asks which unit Cyril is in, but Cyril says he doesn't know. Unit B(uttfuck)? Ryan looks over at Schillinger, who smirks. "Don't worry, I gave him the royal welcome." Given the behavior of members of certain royal families over the ages, that's an apt phrase to use. Also, hee. Ryan barks at Schillinger to leave Cyril alone, then pulls Cyril away and tells him to stay away from Schillinger. Cyril looks like he's going to cry as he confesses, "I think I did a bad thing." No, you did a bad person. Ryan's beside himself, then tells his brother that he's going to get him transferred. In the meantime, he tells Cyril to hit him. He pushes Cyril a couple of times until Cyril hauls off and decks him. Ryan's tougher than Jia Kenmin, though, and just ends up with a bloody nose as Cyril gets dragged to the hole, where Ryan obviously thinks he'll be safe. I guess he doesn't know Keller's down there. Schillinger stares at Ryan with a "thanks for the cockblock" look on his face. Ryan returns the favor by making a throat-slashing gesture at Schillinger. Whip out your dicks, guys! I know you're not shy!
Ryan goes to see McManus and asks him to transfer his brother to Em City. McManus: "Your brother. The one who killed Gloria Nathan's husband?" Tough, meet sell. Ryan pleads with McManus, saying that Schillinger will "suck his bones dry." McManus snarks that Schillinger's going to suck regardless (hee), and asks why Cyril should be the one spared. Ryan exposits that Cyril had an accident the year and he "got slow." McManus is unmoved, but Ryan says he'll do anything McManus asks. And now we know that McManus is a zero on the Kinsey scale. He tells Ryan that he'll transfer Cyril to Em City if Ryan rats on someone. Ryan's all, pffft, who? which made me laugh, but McManus says he wants him to rat on himself by confessing that he told Cyril to kill Gloria's husband. Pigs fly by as I say, "Nice one, Tim." No, I mean it. It's about time he played hardball with people who actually deserve it. Don't worry, I still hate him. Ryan says he didn't, but McManus sort of singsongs, "Oh, you did." Heh. Ryan says he's looking at another ten years if he confesses to that. I'd actually release a tiny bit of my hatred for McManus here if he mimed playing a violin, but he doesn't, of course. Ryan refuses, so McManus snarks, "Then your brother stays in Vern Schillinger's ever-loving arms." Heeee. Ryan freaks, and a hack drags him away. McManus stares after him darkly. Tim, one good scene doesn't make you The Godfather. Chill out.
Oz TV. A reporter tells us that a new state law requires sex offenders to register with local police. Coushaine is disbelieving, calling the policy "Orwellian," as I mentioned earlier, and says that if a man serves his time, he should be entitled to a shot at a normal life when he gets out. Wangler demurs, saying that "perverts aren't normal," and says that if a sex offender lived door to him, he'd want to know. Coushaine points out that Wangler is a convicted murderer, and asks how he'd feel if murderers had to register as well. Hill and Wangler then start talking about girls with big boobs. Coushaine snits, "Thanks for the stimulating conversation, guys. You guys are like goats. You know, you got to bring everything down to the level of a goat. Titties! Humping!" He walks off. Hill and Wangler look at each other and simultaneously intone, "Sex offender." HA! Best laugh I have ever gotten from this show.
D'Agnasti collects a prisoner, "Sippel," from his cell. Cut to Pete's office, where Sippel is telling her that he's a pervert. He was a priest, and he knew at a young age that he had a calling from God, but he also knew that he had other feelings, other "tremblings." He did good work, but he never saw God, "until I saw that boy." Sister Pete looks on all, "I think I'll mix things up today and have the steak burrito." Sippel goes on that the boy was fourteen, and his body was so pure that he had to touch it. We cut to Hill, who tells us, "Prisoner Number 88S510. Robert Sippel." Sexual abuse in the second degree, fifteen years, parole in ten. Interesting -- this is the only prisoner flashback I know of where the crime wasn't shown. I guess even HBO has lines it won't cross. Back to Sippel, who says that he only fondled the boy for a moment, and that the boy didn't tell anyone -- he confessed. Pete: "Nah, it's going to be chicken as usual." Sippel says he wants Jesus to forgive him. Pete says he has, but Sippel has to forgive himself, like, wow, Pete, you must have busted your ass in psych class to come up with that analysis. She exposits that Sippel will leave Oz the day, and that he can start a new life. Sippel: "A new life. What kind of life would that be?" You know, this actor did a very capable job with this scene, but I really hate this new trend of having a new character on screen for all of five minutes before he's gone. I mean, I've known people a lot longer than that who've barely registered on my radar, you know? (Yeah, yeah, I know he's coming back in the episode. I hate the trend regardless.)
In Glynn's office, Pete is telling Glynn and Mukada that she called a friend at the diocese to see if they had a bed available for Sippel, and he laughed. Glynn points out that the church paid seven figures to the victim's family. Glynn, I see from your stand-in for the Exposition Fairy that you're not busy here. Maybe you could take over the monologues? It's hard to imagine I'd find you more annoying than Hill. Pete asks Mukada to call the Cardinal on Sippel's behalf, but he refuses. She asks why. Geez, Pete, get a clue. Mukada admits that Sippel disgusts him. Pete says Sippel deserves absolution, but Mukada isn't having it, saying that he robbed a boy of his innocence, and that he's a threat. Pete asks to whom. "To you?" Mukada tries for a facial expression that doesn't scream, "I AM GAY." Needless to say, he fails.
Because emotional crises must be resolved immediately in Oz, we find Mukada going to see Sippel, who greets him. Mukada notes that Sippel is reading the Breviary, which, in case you're interested, is a Catholic liturgical text and part of the Book Of Common Prayer. Sippel says he reads it every day, as he was taught in seminary. Mukada rather condescendingly points out that Sippel's not a priest any more, prompting Sippel to go on about how he's a priest and a man forever, but he's not allowed to be either, and if he's going to come this close to Shylock's "If you prick us, do we not bleed?" speech in The Merchant Of Venice, shouldn't he at least be Jewish? Meanwhile (and I've come to hate that word, because I unreasonably associate it with Carrie's voice-overs on Sex And The City, and I hate Carrie) Mukada looks at Sippel like he's a particularly unpleasant fungus. The fungus asks if Mukada will pray with him. Mukada says he can't pray with him, but he will pray for him. Big of you, Father Ray. I mean, I'm not excusing what the guy did, but you trip all over yourself to grant absolution to the most violent of criminals, so I'm not sure this guy deserves to feel your complete disgust.
About face! Mukada's on the phone to the Cardinal, pleading with him to find a place for Sippel. He says he knows he can't work with kids any more, but the church is still a big part of his life. After a bit more of this, he ambiguously thanks the Cardinal.
Oz TV. The reporter tells us of Sippel's imminent release, and everyone's disgusted, but no one more so than Ryan, which is a nice touch, given his revelation to Salty Shitpants later in the series. They show Beecher's reaction shot for absolutely no reason, and then we see Sippel being released. An instrument that sounds like an unholy cross between a flute and a didgeridoo plays. I'd call it a "flidgeridoo," but we don't hear it again. Sometime later, Mukada leads the prisoners in prayer. Crisis of faith over, in only five minutes! !
Hill wheels himself up to Schillinger in the cafeteria, and without a trace of irony asks how much it would cost to mail him out of Oz. See, I knew his sanity couldn't be unaffected by the monologues. Schillinger's all, what? Hill says he's trying to think of ways to get out. Schillinger: "Escape from Oz?" Bzzzt, Vern. That's the episode's title. Anyway, once he's sure Hill is serious, Schillinger turns him down, he threatens to tip Hill's chair, Hill calls him ugly and stupid, and scene! Dude, where's my subplot?
Adebisi gets another note from Shirley, and smiles. Some random notices, and Wangler tells him that Adebisi is in love, giving him the backstory on the note passing. According to Wangler, it's only been going on for a week, so for once we have some idea of the timeline, and given that scene cuts in Oz can mark anywhere from several seconds to several months, that's of no small importance. Ryan goes into the supply area, where Adebisi is sitting reading the note, and tells him he wants to come back to the kitchen. Adebisi: "No." Ryan asks if he hasn't always been there for him. Adebisi: "No." Hee. Ryan says he's the only friend Adebisi has. Write your own "with friends like these" joke here. Adebisi changes the subject, asking if Ryan can read. I certainly hope so -- I wouldn't want to think that all that time I stood outside Oz with that "CALL ME RYAN" sign was for nothing. Ryan says yes, and that he thought Adebisi could too, which he can, but not all the words. He asks what one says, and Ryan reads "brawny," which he defines for Adebisi. Adebisi: "I'm brawny!" Ryan: "Yeah, among other things." Hee. These two really have great acting chemistry. You probably think they have other chemistry too, but I don't read fanfic, so I wouldn't know for sure. Ryan takes the note and tells Adebisi that the day is Shirley's birthday, and as it will be her last one, she'd like to celebrate by seeing Adebisi naked and sucking his cock. Adebisi asks where it says that, and Ryan shows him. "Fellatio? Cunnilingus? Girlfriend can spell!" Hee. That cracked me up for some random reason. Adebisi says he wants to meet her, and Ryan says that if he can arrange it, he wants back in the kitchen. Adebisi: "O'Reily, if she sucks my cock, I'll suck yours." Ryan smiles: "That's an appetizing thought." His face falls. "Pass." Hee. Ryan leaves.
In their pod, Ryan tells Kirk that Adebisi will be taking his mop duty the day. Kirk doesn't want to hear that, as apparently Shirley's as reliable as Old Faithful in displaying her nether regions. Ryan says he'll have to deal, and hands him a magazine with some girl-on-girl porn, and I don't really need the image of Little Timmy coming out to play, so this is another scene I'm glad they cut short.
A hack brings Shirley her lunch. She takes the top off the tray to discover a cupcake with a lit candle in it. She's touched. Adebisi whistles "Happy Birthday," and Shirley turns around. She looks puzzled. He goes up to the bars and gets it out. Shirley backs away: "But you're a nigger!" I'm sorry to say that, unlike most developments with this character, I saw this one coming from a mile away. Adebisi's face hardens, and he orders her to get with the f-e-l-l-a-t-i-o, but the hacks appear and drag him off. Shirley watches appraisingly, perhaps reconsidering her bigotry in the face of Adebisi's, er, impressiveness. She blows out the candle. I hope she didn't wish for Schillinger.
In his pod, which he's basically turned upside-down, Adebisi gets with the sniffy-sniffy. Wangler appears outside, and the random guy from the cafeteria tells him that Adebisi's "bugging." Get this guy an SAG card, stat! Wangler asks what's up with him. Adebisi tells him to go away, and then vomits into the toilet. We don't see any fluid, though. Fontana must have been in a squeamish mood this episode.
Flashback to Adebisi knocking out Pancamo in the last episode, and then Chuckie comes swaggering back into Em City. Wangler taunts him, and Pancamo's goons start toward him, but Pancamo calls them back. He tells them that he has good news: Antonio Nappa is coming to Oz. Cut to Nappa getting his stuff as Diane makes her stock speech that we heard in the first episode. Hoyt is there too. The speech is a little shorter than last time, and the sponsors show up quickly. Pancamo gets Nappa, and Adebisi gets a young boy without a speaking part, which is convenient, since his mouth is going to be full soon enough. Some creepy-looking African guy is there too, which I only mention because he'll resurface later, much like Adebisi's lunch.
Hill blathers about goldfish and their really short memories. Sign me up.
Strip club. A strobe light marks each of a series of quick cuts. Basically, Nappa signals to a flunky who looks sort of like Pancamo would if he devoured a small elephant, the flunky ushers some guy into a secluded spot, and Nappa shoots the random guy in the head. "Prisoner Number 98N744. Antonio Nappa." Murder two, eighty years, parole in fifty. In Glynn's office, Nappa tells Glynn and McManus that he was saddened by what happened to Schibetta, especially since he's his godfather. Glynn and McManus look at each other. Nappa: "No, his actual godfather." Hee! Everyone is really on with their comic timing this episode. Glynn says he won't tolerate revenge, but Nappa says he only asks that they punish the man responsible. McManus confesses that they have no witnesses. Nappa asks if he can see Schibetta. Glynn: "No." That word's been said a lot in this episode, I'm noticing. Nappa nods world-wearily.
Nappa walks with Burruano. How Glynn hasn't figured out that this guy is in the mob's pocket is beyond me. Burruano exposits that Schibetta's mind has snapped, and that he keeps talking as though Nino is still alive. Nappa says they can't kill Adebisi yet, but he wants to take away whatever is most important to him. Burruano informs Nappa that Adebisi is a heroin junkie, and Nappa orders him to suggest to Glynn that they do some "random" drug testing. Cut to Burruano picking a few guys out from the crowd in the main Em City area, Adebisi included, of course. In the hospital wing, Pete hands out cups to piss in for Hill, Rebadow, Said, and Adebisi. When it's Adebisi's turn, he drops his pants and plays with himself. I think you might be confused as to what kind of sample they're looking for, Simon. Later, the hacks take Adebisi out of his cell, much to the relief of the now scantily-dressed young boy from earlier, who certainly looked like he was going to beat Beecher's gate-to-prag record. Beecher, you're still number one! (Any urine-test joke there was completely incidental, I assure you.)
Adebisi is in Pete's office. She tells him she wants him to come to drug counseling. Adebisi: "Rehab is bullshit." Pete threatens him with the psych ward, which I wouldn't think would be a very effective threat, considering that he could routinely dine at the Peter Schibetta All-You-Can-Eat Butt-fet. She asks him what he's trying to avoid by taking drugs. After a bit more of this, Adebisi says he'll come to the meetings and stop using. I ask out loud if it's possible that she really believes him. A tumbleweed blows by.
Cafeteria. The creepy African guy from earlier regards Adebisi. Adebisi asks what he's looking at, and given that the guy's headwear is stranger than Adebisi's, I have to agree that he shouldn't be staring. He appears to be sporting a glossy slipcover, and while, given my moniker, I certainly appreciate the value of good upholstery, I think I have to give this particular fashion statement the big thumbs-down. Ryan appears and reports to his boyfriend that Nappa engineered the drug test to slow Adebisi down. Adebisi says it's time "to kill some dagos," and Ryan encourages him before leaving. Seeing Nappa and Pancamo in line, Adebisi grabs a knife and tells his gang that they're going out and cutting their throats. The pigs are doing loop-the-loops as Wangler is the voice of reason, saying that there are hacks everywhere and everyone will see them. Adebisi doesn't care and shoves by Wangler, but runs straight into Slipcover Guy, who tells him not to disgrace their people. From this angle, it seems that he's wearing a pillbox hat made from a slipcover, but I'm not about to change his nickname now. Adebisi is unmoved until the guy says something in a foreign language, which I'm totally guessing is Adebisi's real name. Adebisi asks who he is. Slipcover Guy: "Who are you?" Couch Baron: "Will some part of this episode please make sense?" A hack tells Adebisi to get back to work.
Shower. Adebisi looks in the mirror and sees Slipcover Guy's reflection, but when he wheels around, it's Prag Boy. So he's hallucinating now that he's off the smack? I want to understand the point of all this, but I don't. In more mundane mews, Adebisi gestures to Prag Boy to enter. Apparently the hallucination wasn't that scary.
Adebisi heads up to the balcony, where Ryan is waiting. He asks what happened with Slipcover Guy, but Adebisi says he's just a crazy old man. Ryan asks if he's going to take care of Nappa soon. Adebisi blows him off and asks Wangler where the CD player is. Wangler retrieves it from a panel in the ceiling. So how come Adebisi is always allowed to walk around with his headphones playing? That never bothered me before, but if they're going to the trouble to hide a CD player, I'd think a Walkman would be contraband too. Wangler asks what they're going to do about Nappa, but Adebisi ignores him as well. Wangler: "If your balls end up in a cannoli, don't say shit to me." Hee. Adebisi listens to the music and stares out at the main area. He closes his eyes, and the music turns tribal. When he opens them, Em City is dark, except for the light coming from the tribal festival. What tribal festival? The one that's currently going on downstairs, with Slipcover Guy as the ringleader. It's like there's a party in Adebisi's head and everyone's invited. Adebisi stares in disbelief, and eventually screws up his face in a look of terror that's unintentionally hilarious. Right then, he snaps out of the hallucination. Not too many people notice until he smashes the CD player against the railing. I guess it'll be MP3 players from now on -- after all, what are they going to do if he perpetrates illegal downloads, put him in jail? Downstairs, Nappa, whose hammy accent is making it sound like Cyril's not the only one in Oz who's a bit "slow," asks Pancamo if he believes in "voodoo, the power of magic." Chuckie says no, so I wonder why, then, he felt the need to kill Peter Schibetta. Nappa says he does, and tells some story about menstruation and tomato sauce that I'd rather not repeat, and then declares that someone has Adebisi under a spell. Well, Ryan does give him that sly come-hither stare, but I don't think that's whom he's talking about.
Hill jabbers about animals attacking each other as we see a clip of a leopard killing a gazelle. The leopard actually runs up a tree with the gazelle in its mouth, which was pretty cool. Oh, the monologue? It sucked my bones dry.
Schillinger teaches Hoyt the ins and out of the mailroom. Heh. "Ins and outs." I crack myself up sometimes. Schillinger says the rule is that every piece of mail coming into Oz has to be opened and examined, and if they find anything suspicious, they're supposed to pass it on to the supervising hack. Hoyt asks if they actually do, and Schillinger says they're spot-checked regularly, so they have to pick their spots in letting anything illegal get through. Hoyt notes that that means they know every prisoner's business, and Schillinger agrees. He also smiles again. Shudder.
In line for the mail, Busmalis tells Rebadow not to be nervous, that he's just suffering from PBS. Doesn't public television have enough problems without HBO putting it down? Oh, he's talking about "pre-bunny syndrome," referring to the anxiety tunnel-diggers feel right before they escape. Hey, Busmalis coined the phrase -- did you expect it to make sense? After they get their mail, Rebadow opens a letter and says, "Oh," with a lack of affect commensurate with discovering that the latest Tarantino flick contains graphic violence. Hill asks what's up, and Rebadow says the letter's from his mother. Busmalis: "You have a mother?" Cheap laugh, especially coming from Busmalis, but I'm not proud. Rebadow says his mother is ninety, which seems roughly to jive with what we know, if you discount the fact that Rebadow himself looks like he could be Methuselah's dad. Rebadow says that his grandson has leukemia. And thus The Longest Plotline Involving Someone We Never See begins. (If we do actually see him in the course of the series, great. Don't email me!) Busmalis: "You have a grandson?" Okay, okay. Rebadow exposits that his fiancée was pregnant when he committed assault with a deadly seafood utensil. Hill: "Rebadow, who'd have thought about you doing the nasty?" Well, no one, Hill, but I hope you don't mind if I bring a class-action lawsuit against you on behalf of all the people who suffered permanent emotional damage at the hands of that image: Everyone Who's Ever Seen Episode 207 v. Augustus Hill. I hope you have insurance. Rebadow's stony look cows Hill, who asks about his kid. Rebadow says his name is Alex, he's 34, and Rebadow's never seen him or his grandson. Sucky.
Prisoner's Council. McManus asks if there's any new business. Hoyt, who is somehow leading the bikers now, tells everyone about Rebadow's grandson, saying that the kid's dying wish is to go to Disney World, and that his family doesn't have the $3000 it would take. $3000? It's called a "bus," Rebadow's family. Look into it. Everyone else grumbles, but Hoyt goes on that the prisoners could send the kid, and backstories that his biker gang once raised $10,000 for the Ronald McDonald House. McManus says that whatever the prisoners raise will be matched by the hacks. Scene!
And the money starts rolling in. The rest of the "Others" (Beecher, Hill, and Busmalis, if your memory needs refreshing) give some, as does Said. Ryan, cancer survivor that he is, makes a generous donation. Other contributors include El Cid, Schillinger (!), and Nappa, and soon Rebadow is telling McManus that he's raised almost $2000. McManus gives him an envelope and says that it "should put [him] over the top." "Should"? That's some creative matching you've got going on there, McManus. Ass. Rebadow is moved in spite of McManus's semi-welching, and says that he's going to wire the money to his mother the day. He says the gift will be anonymous. McManus asks if he's ashamed. Rebadow: "Yes." Hey, someone didn't say "no"!
At night, Rebadow cries in his cell. Busmalis pops his head out of the hole, then wisely retreats back into it.
In their pod, Wangler suggests to Adebisi that they steal Rebadow's money and force him to tell everyone that he sent it. Adebisi: Denied. Wangler asks why. Adebisi: "Because sometimes, it's good to be human." It's witchcraft! I bet Prag Boy's relieved.
Hoyt lies in bed, shirtless and resplendent in all his tattooed glory. We flash to him standing in line in a video store. The clerk seems to be taking his sweet time, so Hoyt pushes to the front of the line, and quickly starts beating the shit out of the guy. "Prisoner Number 98H432. Jaz Hoyt." Aggravated assault in the first degree, eight years, parole in four.
Alvarez walks in the main area when Hill calls to him. What's with the placement of Hoyt's prisoner flashback? Nothing makes any sense in this episode. Maybe someone had Fontana under a spell. Or maybe Evan Seinfeld insisted on showing his tattoos. Hill asks Alvarez if he's ever seen an opportunity to escape while working in the hospital. Alvarez asks if he's planning to escape, and Hill says he's "exploring the possibilities." Where did this development come from? It's so bizarre. Alvarez says the ward's a dead end, but if Hill finds another way, to let him know. Hill smiles, also bizarrely.
Glynn welcomes a bunch of new hacks, as apparently the budget for correctional officers has been increased. I guess the Pernicious Peewee wanted to make sure he didn't end up alone in a darkened hallway, although he should probably increase the light bulb budget as well. The camera lingers a bit too long on a Hispanic hack...
...who is seen patrolling the main area. El Cid looks up and tells Guerra that he knows the hack, whose name is Rivera. He tells Guerra that Rivera was "always a pussy." Alvarez comes up, and Guerra's all, "Speaking of pussies." Oh, Chico, just because El Cid lets you sit with him doesn't make you The Man. (Sorry.) Alvarez says he wants to talk to El Cid alone, and Guerra leaves. Alvarez tells El Cid about his father and grandfather, and El Cid is like, I know, and? Alvarez says he used to run things, and while he's fine with El Cid taking over, he doesn't enjoy being treated like so much mierda de perro, and asks what he can do to get in El Cid's good graces. El Cid says he's too white, and clarifies that he means he's too white inside. Well, that's nice, but if that's what he meant, I'd like to know how he came to that conclusion in the episode within twenty seconds of meeting Alvarez. Alvarez says he's not, and that he'll do anything El Cid says. In keeping with the title of this episode, I'll point out that that's the sort of statement that could get you into a position named after a certain animal posthaste. However, El Cid has something else in mind, as he points Rivera out to Alvarez and tells him to do something nasty-sounding to his ojos. Alvarez asks if he's kidding, but El Cid merely repeats the command, and walks off. Judging from a certain image in the opening credits, he's not so much kidding.
Alvarez goes to see his dad. He impassionedly describes the Scylla of El Cid and the Charybdis of the hacks he's between, and says he doesn't know what to do. His dad kisses him twice. No tongue, though. Thank you! I'll show myself out!
Diane calls count. On the balcony, Rivera gets up to Alvarez, who stops him. Rivera asks what, and Alvarez menaces, "They say the eyes are the mirrors of the soul." I'm glad I can touch-type, because I'm recapping this bit with my eyes closed. False alarm -- Rivera just walks away, looking slightly freaked out. Alvarez enters his pod and removes a very sharp-looking surgical instrument from his waistband. He hides it away. I practice my touch-typing for the season finale.
Flashback to Said asking McManus if Diane killed Ross. Pause long enough for the polar ice caps to melt. McManus: "No." In the present, Diane catches McManus and asks him if he has time to go over some reports, which he doesn't, since he's sitting in on Coushaine's class. Later, in the gym, McManus enters with a basketball to find Glynn lifting weights. McManus asks Glynn about his family, and Glynn rather happily says that his daughter's home from the hospital, and somewhat less happily says that his brother's trial starts in two weeks. Eventually, McManus gets to his self-involved point, which has to do with Ross's shooting. Tim, why don't you go for a slam dunk and use the hang time to GET OVER YOURSELF. God. He says he can't live with the lie. Glynn: "Then find a way to lose the lie." And while you're at it, find a way to lose the goatee.
McManus enters the locker room to find Diane getting changed. He says he's going to be blunt: He lied under oath for her, and seeing her reminds him of that, so he wants her to transfer to another unit. He leaves, and Diane looks after him like, "And I saved your life...why?"
Prisoners in the main area gossip about Diane's transfer. Rebadow is the only one whose speculation is in the ballpark of the real reason she left. Alvarez, who seems now to be welcomed by El Cid in advance of the ojo-ectomy, asks who the new head hack will be. El Cid says he doesn't care as long as it's not Rivera. Alvarez stares at Rivera, and if what he said earlier is true, his soul is looking mighty ugly.
Some nonsense about animals and masters and heaven and truth.
Guerra taps Beecher, who's watching TV, on the arm, and Beecher follows him into a secluded area, where he sells Beecher a bottle of whiskey. Mmm, whiskey. Beecher returns to his cell, but Said accosts him and begs him not to drink. Beecher sarcastically says that Said loves to meddle, because he's so much better than everyone else. Beecher lists Said's failures: Hill, Keane, Mershah, and Groves (although that one's a stretch). "But in the end, when all is said and done, who have you really fucking helped?" Said says Poet, but that's just what Beecher wanted to hear. "I just saw on the news he killed a man. He's coming back to Oz." Said looks like he's been slapped in the face, kicked in the balls, and fucked in the ass. Just another day in Oz. By the way, I don't believe this little speech to Said is in character at all, even with the drinking and the Keller-missing and all. Inaccuracies of Beecher's analysis aside (Mershah got no worse than what he deserved, and Keane's death was his own choice, and served the purpose of ending the feud between his people and the Italians), Said's never done anything to him to warrant this kind of treatment, and while Said may deserve a bit of a bitch-slap from time to time for his nosiness, I don't think Beecher would or should have had this reaction to Said's genuine concern. The whole Beecher's Descent subplot strikes me as somewhat forced, and nowhere more than here.
Flash to Poet at his own book-signing. A woman happily takes her book. When she walks off, we see a young punk standing behind her whom Poet clearly recognizes, as his face falls and he gets to his feet. They both go for their guns, but Poet's quicker on the draw. That actually looked like self-defense, open and shut, but for a prior felon, who knows. "Prisoner Number 98J448. Arnold Jackson, a.k.a. Poet." Murder two, twenty-six years, parole in nineteen. Poet's in the holding area with a bunch of new prisoners, who for once are wearing orange jumpsuits. McManus looks in at him and swallows yet another failure. I'd get tired of eating the same thing every day, personally. Poet returns to Em City (and I have no idea why McManus would let him back in there) to sarcastic applause from the Aryans and a disgusted look from Coushaine. Save it, pervie. He goes up the stairs, where Said is standing. Poet hesitates like he wants to apologize, but Said turns away, anguish all over his face, and Poet walks on by. Hill asks what separates us from the animals, and manages to product-place HBO, which on the one hand is impressive, but on the other hand is a dramatic failure by HBO's publicity department, as I'd think they'd want said product placement to occur at a juncture when the audience wasn't, you know, asleep. Hill answers his own question: "Well, maybe it's that humans are the only species to put other animals in cages. Put its own kind in cages." And the door slams shut on another episode. Two to go!