For those of you who have been clamoring for this recap, let me sing: Anticipation! An-tiss-i-pay-ay-shun!
New credits. Kirk Acevedo, Rita Moreno, J.K. Simmons, Lee Tergesen, and Dean Winters get bumped up to prime-starring status. Also, there are several rather disturbing shots from episodes to come, but I won't ruin them for you. An-tiss-i...oh, okay, I'll shut up.
Hill mentions the riot as we flash back to "A Game Of Checkers." He tells us that "when the smoke cleared" after the SORT team's raid, six prisoners and two hacks were dead. And no one took the time to off McManus? I know these guys are criminals, but they could show a little decency. We hear that thirty-four others were injured as we see Mukada coughing from gas inhalation, Said getting slugged by the SORT team, and McManus being wheeled to the hospital after having been shot. Okay, I have hope after all. Everyone else gets shoved into Gen Pop, "except for the riot leaders, who were drop-kicked into solitary." We see the door close on a knit-cap-wearing Ryan. Hi, Ryan! We see Said and Adebisi as well.
Cut to the Pernicious Peewee telling reporters he's putting together a gubernatorial commission to investigate the riot. Without saying so, he lets on that he's going to make Glynn the scapegoat for the deaths. Little prick. We hear that "Alvah Case," dean of some law school, is going to head the commission. The PP says that Case is the most respected jurist in the state, and he has complete faith in him. Cut to Glynn's office, where the man in question turns and smiles, "Fuck you, Governor." Well, the man's won my respect already. Case is being played by Charles S. Dutton. It may interest you to learn that according to the IMDb, Dutton served a seven-year prison sentence, during which he studied theater. He was also married to D'Eartha from Charmed for six years. ["He also made the mistake of pulling over Tony Soprano." -- Sars] Anyway, Case exposits that the PP wants him to absolve him of any wrongdoing with regard to the riot response, and also to close Em City permanently. The PP smiles and insinuates that Case will be the state attorney general if he gives the report the PP wants to hear. Oh, that Pernicious Peewee. So pernicious. Such a peewee. Glynn enters, and the PP leaves. Case wonders aloud if the PP or Glynn committed any wrongdoing, and hesitantly tells Glynn that his head might roll, depending on what he finds. Glynn: "Yeah, you may be doing me one huge fucking favor." Ah, the pre-Six Feet Under days, when the word "fuck" still had some emotional impact. Sadly, after having been used in the best sentence ever uttered in history, "Fuck my legless grandmother," the word has gone pretty much as far as it can go. Not that I'm going to stop fucking using it or anything. I mean, fuck, you know?
Case wanders around Gen Pop, unescorted. Well, given the IMDb revelation, I guess he can take care of himself. He sees Beecher, who doesn't appear to have shaken that little case of the crazies he had at the end of last season. Beecher taunts Schillinger, and I'm betting we'll soon be approaching another twist in the little Oz mini-serial called "What Goes Around Comes Around," featuring new player Chris Keller. Uh-oh. I said the "K" word. That's going to cause some cyber-swooning. But that's a few episodes down the line. An-tiss-i-pay-shun! That's really annoying, isn't it? ["Yes." -- Sars] We see Wangler messily detoxing; then Beecher and Rebadow get led in to meet their new podmate, Robson, who actually has hair here. Looks good on him. Robson tries to posture about how the cell is his, but Beecher's listening about as much as I am, which is not at all. Hill asks Rebadow if he knows anything about Dobbins or Vahue, but the answer's no. Robson ineffectually tries to get everyone to shut up, and then hits Beecher in the face. That'll come back to bite you in the...well, you'll see. Wangler loses it, and the hacks beat him and drag him out of his cell.
Mukada leads a funeral service. We learn that Hunt and Novakovski (Who? Exactly.) died in the riot. Everyone grumbles when he also prays for the souls of the dead prisoners, but we don't find out their identities yet. Mukada prays for McManus as well, and we focus on Diane as she flashes back to holding the wounded simp in her arms. Pete tries to hold back tears. Boy, the things you miss on your day off, huh? Mukada huskily asks for forgiveness and the capacity to forgive, as Glynn flashes back to the Pernicious Peewee telling Glynn he's sending in the SORT team. Case looks pensive. Heavy scene.
Hill tells us that blame keeps the world spinning. Flash to McManus being wheeled somewhere, then cut to Case introducing himself to the bedridden annoyance. McManus is instantly hostile, as he thinks Case is just looking for a reason to shut Em City down, and refuses to answer any questions. Gee, Tim, could you put aside your precious Em City for a minute and cooperate in something that's, among other things, an investigation into the deaths of eight people? You need to be shot again. A lot.
Having had no luck with the bane of my existence, Case goes to see Said. He exposits that since Said came to Oz, he's converted many people to his cause, all the while "sowing seeds of discontent." Case, I like you, but you need to read the memo I sent to McManus several times last season, the one titled "IT'S A FUCKING PRISON." Case asks if Said created the circumstances that led to the riot, but Said too is uncooperative, pointing out that the commission is a fraud, as the Pernicious Peewee got to pick the person who's investigating his actions. "That's like me getting to pick the jury at my own trial." Said picking twelve people he considers to be his peers? That'd take longer than the O.J. jury selection. We see a sweaty, still-in-withdrawal, clearly cuckoo Adebisi. He's singing, which is highly appropriate, since he's also playing his instrument quite enthusiastically. When the door opens to reveal Case, the first words out of Adebisi's mouth are, "You want to lick my balls?" Adebisi would fit right in in certain parts of Fire Island, I'll tell you that much. Case, however, decides that he's not willing to see where further interrogation might lead, and leaves.
Case introduces the rest of his team to reporters. He says he doesn't know how long the investigation will take. Um, yeah -- we're only twelve minutes in. Later, Case interviews Hill. Hill again asks about Dobbins and Vahue, to no avail. Case asks Hill to state, in as many words as possible, what he thinks led to the riot. Case, I still like you, but here's another tip: Encouraging Hill to talk? Not a good thing. Thankfully, instead of Hill's ruminations, we get a montage of other people's thoughts, including Pete's, who basically says that that shit is gonna happen in prisons. Word, Pete. Mukada says that the world imploded. Indeed. We flash back to Alvarez beating on Mineo, and then he says they "treated the hostages good." Hee. Although really, he did. There's not much else I can really recap here, which is why montages are a recapper's wet dream. Later, Case hears from Gloria that the hacks that were killed were shot in the back. Case informs us that Scott Ross was one of the prisoners that died. Pardon me while I bounce around my apartment in unbridled enthusiasm. BOING BOING BOING! That was fun. Case goes on that Ross was shot once in each of the head, heart, and testicles, and notes that it's a bit suspicious that he was hit so precisely. Gloria reacts to this news with all the emotion that Halle Berry has displayed in the role of Storm.
Cut to Adebisi, who's torn up his pillow and is wailing and throwing feathers around and basically starring in a one-man version of Boy, Interrupted. Not big fans of that movie, the SORT team busts in. They beat him up and drag him down the hall, and as they do, he smiles and tells one of them he loves him. Wow. I mean, he didn't even lick his balls! Elsewhere, Glynn bitches to Case about the investigation. Case asks about Ross, and informs Glynn that he thinks Ross was murdered. We learn the new information that the bullets that killed Ross match the ones used in the SORT team's handguns, not their rifles. Glynn tries to fanwank an explanation, but when Case tells him that the bullet that pierced Ross's heart was taken out of the floor, meaning he'd already been felled, he gives up. I need this guy to moderate for me. Soon after, Glynn takes Case to the gym, where members of the SORT team are sparring. Glynn calls to "Officer Heim," who removes his mask and pants and stares all, "I was born to kick ass." He's played by Paul Schulze, who since has graced our television screens as Father Phil on The Sopranos and Chappelle on 24. He's kind of hot, in a glowering frat-boy kind of way. ["And you're kind of fired, in an 'ewwww' kind of way. Because ewwww." -- Sars] In the locker room, Case asks questions as Heim disrobes, and if he was hot before, he's positively smoking now. His body's more toned than El Scorcho's, and not in a steroid-y way either. Case says that Heim's gun was used to kill Ross, but he didn't mention Ross in his report. Heim unconcernedly admits that he lost track of his gun at some point, but found it on the floor. Case: "Officer Heim, do I look like a stupid fuckin' idiot to you?" Heim's face is priceless as he says no. Case goes on that his story's bullshit, as SORT guys love their weapons more than they love pussy. Fontana, are you trying to take all the challenge out of my job? And any dick joke I were to make here would be backed up by the fact that Heim checks out Case's package twice in this scene. Watch again if you don't believe me. Case asks who Heim's covering for, but Heim has little to say other than calling Ross a "scum fuck," a sentiment with which I heartily concur, and asking Case, "Who the fuck side are you on?" Case: "The law. I'm on the law's side." He dismisses the walking ball of testosterone, who gets to flash his bare ass to the camera. Was it good, you ask? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe watching it ten more times will help me decide.
Hill-cakes. Wangler-cakes. Aaaand the scene you've all been waiting for. After a hack passes by, Robson jumps down from the top bunk and demands that Beecher suck his dick. After Robson hits him in the face, he complies. We see a shot of Rebadow's face, and his expression is pricelessly ambiguous. He's probably wondering if God's checking out this shit. Suddenly, we hear a little snap, and Robson screams in pain. He keeps howling and falls to the floor as Beecher stands, blood on his beard, and spits the tip at Robson. That Beecher. Give him an inch...a still-screaming Robson gets wheeled into the infirmary, blood all over his nether regions, and a naked Beecher gets thrown in the Hole, in which he spits again for good measure. Geez, we get it, Beecher. We may not want it, but we get it.
Glynn finds Case in Em City. Case tells him that he thinks a non-prisoner killed Ross, as he thinks Heim was lying to cover for someone, and that someone wouldn't be a prisoner. So it had to be D'Agnasti, Diane, or Mukada. We all know where this is going, right? Good.
Case asks Mukada his opinion of Ross. Mukada terms him a "condescending little prick." Preach it, Father Ray. He admits to having been terrified, and flashes back to being lined up right before the SORT team entered. He says his nose itched, and that's all he could think about. I don't think Mukada had any idea about who killed Ross, but it would have been interesting to see what he would have done if he had.
Back in Gen Pop, D'Agnasti, who doesn't seem much the worse for wear, threatens to beat Wangler up if he doesn't shut it. You go, you chubby hack. Case asks him for a moment of his time, and ascertains that the hostages' hands were tied behind their backs when the SORT team entered. D'Agnasti says that he got free only after the shooting stopped, and that Ross was the one that tied him up. Case notes, "You didn't like Ross." Case, you were doing so well. Don't make me start calling you "Captain Obvious." D'Agnasti: "What was there to like?" Amen.
stop: Diane, who's working the front door. Case notes that it's a quiet assignment compared to her last job. On cue, the Ironic Segue Fairy enters, setting off the metal detector. You really need to get a plastic wand, ISF. Actually, it's a young woman who says she's there to see her husband, "Billy Kempf." Upon being told the prison's in lockdown, she gets all "I will always wave my finger in your face," which is ironic, since she reminds me more of Kimmi than Alicia, says she drove 312 miles, and produces a piece of paper that apparently validates her claim. This quickly devolves into a shouting match, the better to show Case up, until Kimmi 2.0 is forcibly removed. No tired "off the island" jokes, please. I know I made an O.J. joke, but it's been so long that those are now retro. Once Kimmi 2.0 is gone, Case asks for Diane's version of events again, under the pretense of having lost his notebook. Diane gives a disbelieving sniff, but tells him that the tear gas made it hard to see, so she and McManus ducked behind a column until the shooting stopped. They thought it was over, so McManus leaned out for a look and got shot. No flashback? Well, I guess I would never have made it through the recap if there had been one, what with all the pausing and the rewinding and the slow-forwarding. Diane goes on that she cradled him in his arms until help arrived. That'll be important later. Case asks what kind of prisoner Ross was. Diane lies that he was "average," but flashes back to when Ross told her they were "joined at the hip." I guess Diane was trying to sever that connection when she hit him in the balls. Case leaves.
Hill tells us lies are necessary. Yeah, unlike your monologues.
Gloria, who is sporting a bob that I'm not really sure about, tells Pete that McManus will be out of Benchley Memorial episode -- er, "week." Pete heaves a sigh that she's only been to see him once, like, no one cares, Sister. Diane enters and asks them if Case has talked to them about her, like, way not to panic, dear. They say no, and she leaves. The other two exchange a look like, "Oh, so she killed Ross. Is this milk expired?"
A goatee-sporting Vahue is led into Gen Pop. Hill greets him happily, but when he asks about Dobbins, gets the news that he's gone to that Great Philharmonic In The Sky. It also seems that Rick Fox spent some time with an acting coach, because that scene, while only five seconds long and not great, was better than anything he did last season. Hill: "Fuck." Yeah, I told you about that word already.
One of the members of Case's commission, whom I'll call Blustering Bowtie, finds him in a corridor. Case says he's been "working this murder angle," but Blustering Bowtie laughs and condescendingly tells him not to concern himself with things like that. Case: "Whatever."
Adebisi lies in bed, unconsciously stroking himself. I can only imagine what he's dreaming about. Maybe Ryan? If so, we have more in common than I thought. Case asks Gloria if he can buy her a cup of coffee, but she declines, saying that he makes her nervous. And the prisoners don't? Case is all Mr. Charm, saying that he's not devious, as he's only a college professor. Gloria: "You train lawyers." And that, my friends, is called a trump card. Case, face falling, knows it: "I'll stop being adorable and just ask my questions."
A sweaty Robson lies in bed. We get his hazy, swirly dream-sequence POV as Gloria, in an English accent, tells him the tip of his penis has been severed. A quick succession of prisoners reiterate the same thing, the funniest of course being Adebisi, who sing-songs, "Dick bit off." A topless blonde woman with ample fake breasts approaches, but her face morphs into Beecher's bearded one. And that's the most disturbing thing I've seen all week. Robson wakes up to a much more pleasant sight, Alvarez, who asks him how it feels to be shorter. Robson: "Weird." Well, that was informative. But he never was the sharpest spoon -- er, "knife" in the drawer, was he?
Night. Arif prays, loudly. Wangler bangs his head. Keep it up. Shot of a sweaty, shirtless Ryan doing dips. Yeah. Wangler gets dragged to the infirmary. In an office, a reporter tells us that the public outcry against the Pernicious Peewee's use of force is high. An annoyed PP shuts off the television and asks the commission what's taking so long. He orders them to give an update in a press conference. His grousing leads the Blustering Bowtie to tattle about Case's murder investigation, and says Case is full of shit. Case: "You know, Benjy, given the last three decisions you handed down from the bench, you're the expert on full of shit!" Case? My new hero. And I heartily approve of taking a break from "fuck" and using "shit" instead. Variety in curses is the spice of life, people. This devolves into another shouting match, with the PP of all people forced to play peacemaker. This'll end well.
Adebisi sleeps fitfully. Alvarez steals out of bed. He gets a shank from under his mattress and leaves the room. I guess it's consistent that there are no guards around, otherwise I don't know how the killer nurse could have gotten away with all those murders. Alvarez uses the shank to unlock first a mesh door and then a drawer, and takes a bottle of pills. Returning to the main room, he slides a pill into the side of Adebisi's mouth, and intones, "Sweet dreams, motherfucker." Aw. And he'll definitely be dreaming of Ryan now. Alvarez takes a pill himself and then hides the bottle in his robe. In the morning, Gloria checks on a comatose Wangler, and then a groggy but much more coherent Adebisi calls to her: "You know, the last time I had a woman tie me down like this, I married her." Which just goes to show that my suppositions about his wife were on the mark. He says he feels better, but Gloria informs him that before he can leave, he has to spend some time with her and Pete, presumably for drug counseling. In the bed, Robson looks at a magazine, which surprisingly is Penthouse and not Popular Utensils. Robson: "Hey, doctor, my dick is hard. Is that good?" Gloria: "You tell me." Sassy! Very sassy! A Latino orderly enters on laundry duty. Alvarez gestures with his eyes, and the guy takes his robe. Couldn't he have gestured to his shirt, too?
Case interviews Pete in her office. She tells him that she didn't like Ross, as he scared her and had a "terrible hygiene problem." And here I pictured him taking a lot of showers with Schillinger. Case asks if he ever mentioned having a sexual relationship with anyone on the staff. Dodging the question, Pete says that Ross was a compulsive liar. Switching gears, Case asks if anyone on the staff ever spoke of Ross negatively, to which the answer is obviously, "Everybody." Case presses on, but Pete says that as a psychologist, she doesn't have to break any confidences. Case: "Then we may have to let a court determine that." Case, you may be tough, but taking on Rita Moreno is a nasty business.
Finally. "Ryan O'Reily." He's got the knit cap back on, probably so we don't know that he's growing his hair out, which is a development I'm quite looking forward to, actually. Case notes Ryan's impressive rapsheet. Ryan: "Yeah well, you know, I applied myself." Hee. Case says that even so, Oz must have been a tough adjustment, but Ryan demurs, and Case asks why. Ryan: "I'm like the Lord of the fuckin' Dance. I got moves." Dude, I didn't name you Mickey O'Velli for nothing, okay? Case, no dummy, points out that Ryan was the only Riot Council member who had "no firepower" behind him. Ryan denies involvement in the riot, but Case pointedly says that he heard Ryan and Ross were close. Don't go there, Case, not with the hygiene problem and all. Case doesn't listen to me and explicitly says that Ross told Pete that he and Ryan were lovers. Ryan, not realizing he's being played, blurts, "I'm no fag, pal." Okay, Ryan, we'll play it your way. After all, you're not as gay as the guy sucking your dick, right? He goes on, "But if I were, I wouldn't put my dick anywhere near Ross's scumhole. That cocksucker'd fuck anything on two or four legs." Wow. Proper use of the subjunctive in an outburst containing the words "fuck," "cocksucker," "dick," and "scumhole." We are truly meant to be together, Ryan. Case gets to his point, which is to ask if Ross ever had sex with a hack, and I think it would be hilarious to find out that he was sleeping with D'Agnasti or someone, but no. Ryan asks for help getting out of solitary. When denied, he asks for a cigarette, which Case plot-devicedly provides. Ryan: "This is good. When I'm done puffin' on this, I can suck on my own secondhand smoke." Um. Do not set me up like that. I already told you that, Fontana. Ryan gives up the dirt that Ross and Diane knew each other on the outside, and that they spent a lot of time together. Not looking good for Diane, who's visiting McManus and complaining that Case gives her the creeps. McManus assures her that there's nothing to worry about, right? Diane answers yes, in much the same way that a mother might if her sick daughter asked if she could have a pony.
Case interviews Schillinger. In a nice little touch, Case mispronounces "Schillinger," and Schillinger doesn't even flinch. Schillinger reiterates that he wants to get out for his sons, and Case offers him a letter of recommendation if he cooperates. I'd think Case, as a black man, would be a little hesitant about helping the leader of the Aryan Brotherhood, but I suppose his whole "I love the law" schtick makes it credible. Case asks about Ross and Diane, and Schillinger tells him what we knew, that Ross and Diane's ex were in the same biker gang, and what we're not sure is true, that Ross and Diane were screwing behind the ex's back. Schillinger himself admits that Ross lied a lot. Case asks if anything happened after Ross landed in Oz, and Schillinger tells him that Ross said they were sleeping together regularly. Case asks if he thinks Ross was lying. Schillinger: "Probably." Hmm.
Case now interviews Rebadow, whom he's gotten permission to come to the library. This Case certainly knows how to grease the wheels here, doesn't he? Rebadow fills in the blanks about Ross and Diane's cigarette operation, McManus shutting it down, and McManus's and Diane's sexual relationship. The shit's hitting the fucking fan, people. Hey, combinations are acceptable.
Night. Schillinger sarcastically asks Diane for a cigarette. He then all but tells her that he saw her kill Ross, and suggests that she do whatever she can to help him with his parole hearing. She walks off to her Screwed, Party Of One table.
Case has told Glynn his suspicions about Diane. Glynn doesn't believe that Diane would do that. Glynn gets a call, and tells Case that a prisoner wants to talk to him. Who? "Tobias Beecher."
Case enters the Hole to find a naked, crazy Beecher leaning against the wall. He says he has a secret about Scott Ross. Don't tell me he burned a swastika into your other cheek, Beecher. Case dismisses the guard. Beecher tells him he bit the tip off a guy's penis. Case: "So I heard." I guess you have to ask this guy to lick your balls to get a reaction. Beecher asks if he's not afraid. Case: "I've got my pants on." Everyone's getting the bon mots in this episode! They're showing me up, dammit! After some small talk, in which it's revealed that they both went to Harvard, Beecher says he wants to start on his return trip back from Shitting-On-People-And-Biting-Their-Dicksville, so as a token of good faith, he's sharing his secret, which is that he saw the shots fired. The ones in Ross? "No. Check the bullets in McManus." It's no "the owls are not what they seem," but it still warrants a "DUN!" Case turns to go, but Beecher proffers his hand. Realizing that Beecher isn't asking for his dick, Case takes it.
Case tells Glynn that McManus wasn't shot with a SORT rifle, but with a certain type of handgun. Glynn recognizes the make, and says that it's the kind of gun that Said had. Back to solitary, then? Yup, as Case accuses him of shooting McManus. Said denies it, and says he won't admit to having a gun, but Case threatens him with an extended vacation in solitary. Said goes all Let's Play A Game, saying that hypothetically, if he had a gun, he might have tossed it over the side of the control panel when the SORT team started beating him, so as not to kill anyone. Where someone else picked it up? "Theoretically speaking, yes." Does anyone else think this episode is starting to feel like The Amazing Race? Well, our stop is McManus, so I guess there's nothing "amazing" about it. Maybe just a scavenger hunt, then. Case says that McManus had balls to negotiate personally with the rioters and to trade himself for Armstrong and Mineo, especially since he put himself in Ross's power. He notes how ironic it is that Ross shot him. McManus asks who told him. Case: "That Ross was the one who shot you? You just did." Have a nice day, chump!
All the pieces together, a smiling Case goes to see Diane, who tries to put a brave face on even though it's pretty clear that she knows the game is up. He tells her he knows about the cigarettes and McManus, and then, somberly, explicitly says that she killed Ross. Diane denies it, but Case says Ross picked up Said's gun and shot McManus, and in turn, Diane took Officer Heim's pistol and shot Ross. She tries to claim that her hands were tied, but he trips her up with her earlier admission that she cradled McManus in her arms after he was shot. She tells him that when you're in a riot, you get carried away and stop being human. She gives an impassioned speech about the fact that she's made tons of mistakes in her life, but they were her mistakes, and she's never been a victim. If you think back to "A Game Of Checkers" when she said she couldn't sit around to get raped, this speech seems quite resonant. She finishes, "I do not regret what I've done. No regrets, no remorse. I just keep going." Isn't her action at least partially justified by the fact that she was defending herself and McManus? It's reasonable to assume that Ross would have killed him, and possibly her, isn't it? Case turns to go, but Diane asks him what he's going to do. "When I know, you'll know."
Glynn tells Case that Diane has a mother with cancer and two young daughters. Case isn't sure he can cover for her, but before we get any further, the Pernicious Peewee enters in a right snit and says that he read the preliminary report, and castigates Case for recommending that no charges be filed against Said and the other riot leaders. Case says that from a legal standpoint, the evidence is circumstantial, and from a moral one, it's laughable. Devlin whines some more, but Case says that the riot came about as a direct result of the Pernicious Peewee's policies, and if they're guilty, so is he. Glynn looks on, wishing he had some popcorn, as this is getting good. The PP says this attitude won't make him state attorney general. Case: "Yeah, well, I've thought about it. I don't want to be attorney general. I want to be governor. I'll see you on the campaign trail, Devlin." Touchdown! The crowd goes wild. "The crowd," of course being "me." Case leaves...
...to go to his press conference, where he announces that no one in particular is at fault for the riot. He says there are measures that can be taken to ensure that it doesn't happen again. In a strange cut, Beecher gets let out of the Hole. All the riot leaders are released as well. Diane comes to pick up McManus. Hill blathers something that makes no sense. Everything's back to normal! And Ross is dead! Woo!