Plan B

A lot of the credits shots are different in this episode. Do you care? What am I, a mind-reader?

Hill: "The best laid schemes of mice and men most often go astray." Behind him, projected in blue letters: "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." As far as I can tell, the original quote by the Scotsman Robert Burns is, "The best laid schemes o' mice and men gang aft a-gley," so maybe they're advancing two acceptable translations to cover their bases. But if the discrepancy is just a gaffe, hee. We see slides of various schemes that were hatched over the season so far, but Hill tells us that something always comes along and fucks things up. Yeah -- I planned to sit around and do my best imitation of a vegetable today, and here I am recapping. Plans suck. Hill gives Beecher as an example, and says that six months ago, Beecher would have envisioned himself at his daughter's birthday party today. We see the dude in question, and he's crawling on the floor of the hole. This naked, sweaty, still-tripping man is wearing his glasses again. Dude, as you well know, glasses in Oz do not prevent beatings. Or anal rape. Lose the fucking things already. We get treated to a close-up of Schillinger's eye as his bandage is removed. Well, I'm on a diet, so maybe doing this recap is a good thing after all. Apparently McManus is watching his dreams for the "perfect prison" disappear. Timbo, for starters, the perfect prison wouldn't have you in the same zip code. Said lies in bed, wearing an oxygen mask. We get a blue-filtered flashback to Mershah's treachery. I happen to pause the action on the spot where Said is halfway to the floor after flopping around like a beached whale. I don't know if it's Eamonn Walker or a stunt double in this midair shot, but I'll say this for him: He's got a great ass. It's probably not what I should be focusing on, but I'm getting a little too old to change my ways.

Oz TV. Report on Said being in critical condition. Mershah bullshits to the Muslims about what Said told him before the attack, and says they should start a holy war in Oz. "A war that will set fire [to] the sky." Don't you mean the ceiling? And like Said would appoint this yahoo to be his second in command. Whatever. In the infirmary, Said has regained consciousness as Alvarez playfully teases him that Oz was sixty-forty that he was "worm's meat." Well, he's clearly alive, as even through the mask, the Glower Power has returned. Said immediately removes the facegear as Alvarez tries to restrain him. Everyone's watching as we pan down the beds. Alvarez: "You're gonna pull somethin' out, man." Rebadow: "Said, you shouldn't be doing that." Schillinger: "Stupid nigger." I do not in any way condone the use of that word, but still: Ha! It's all in the delivery, people. I bet Mussolini had J.K. Simmons's comic timing. As Said rips off every medical device he's wearing, Alvarez tells Groves to get a doctor, but Said stands and stares at Groves, and orders him to get his clothes. Groves is hypnotized by the Power of the Glower. I can relate -- it took me ten minutes to write that sentence. Later, Gloria examines a now-dressed Said with McManus present. Said tells her he's fine, and agrees to take his medication. McManus in turn agrees to return him to Em City.

Adebisi sits on the balcony and blows bubbles. Watching Adebisi practice his puckering technique is a little unnerving. As we pan over the main area, in which you can see Dobbins if you look on the right-hand stairs, Hill tells us that the worst crime of all is betrayal. As the Muslims pray, Mershah realizes that Said is standing behind him, and sighs to himself in a the-jig-is-up manner. Said wastes no time in announcing what Mershah did. "This man is not our brother. He is our enemy. As of this moment, this man is CAST OUT!" Way to take it easy on your heart, dude. Said continues that no Muslim will speak to Mershah. "You wanted the death of another? Right now, you dead to us all." Smell ya later, Mershah!

Blah blah blah Poet-cakes. Mershah sits down with the Muslims, but they all get up and leave. Nice, but where are they all going to sit? I think it would be funny if Mershah kept following them around the cafeteria and they kept having to find a new spot. It'd be a rousing game of Musical Muslims. Mershah does in fact keep following them, as in the gym he asks if anyone wants to play two-on-two. Upon being ignored, he asks for the ball several times. He's coming off about as desperate as the girl with no gaydar on SNL. In the shower, Mershah finds Arif and asks if he wants to play hoops. Dude, the guy's shaving. And naked. Chill out, huh? Arif loudly sings Allah's praises as Mershah tries to convince him that Said is wearing a pair of kookoopants. Arif, having gotten his daily dose of the Glower already, ain't buying.

Pod Of Betrayal And Broken Hearts. Mershah, in the lower bunk, tells Said not to sleep, as he might not wake up again. Dude, wave a red flag in front of a bull, you're gonna get the horns. Said knocks on his window, and the dude in the lower bunk of the pod sticks his face to the glass and starts watching Mershah intently. Someone who's going to forego sleep to ensure your safety? That's loyalty, people. The day, Mershah goes to see Adebisi. He tells him that Said is responsible for Keane's death, which is far from true, but Adebisi says that's ancient history. Given all the stuff that's happened since then, the man has a point. Hell, I'm surprised he wasn't like, "Jefferson who?" Mershah says that Said has to die, but Adebisi calls him on his real motivations, saying he knows the Muslims now equate him with a nasty case of food poisoning, and, to illustrate his own opinion of Mershah, pulls down his pants and sits on the toilet. Awesome.

Mershah's customer is McManus. He tells Timbo that Said is going to start a riot, and the Foreshadowing upon this point has now grown so large that it's blocking the sun from my window. Fortunately, that makes it easier to see the computer screen. Thanks, Foreshadowing! Glynn, whom a different camera angle reveals to be in the office as well, says that without any evidence, his hands are tied. McManus calls Mershah on his bullshit and kicks him out. Please, don't make McManus tolerable two episodes in a row. Everyone has his or her own worldview, and if McManus doesn't act like a complete heel for any decent stretch, mine's going to be shattered in a hurry. Glynn snaps that Mershah's motivations aren't as important as his information, but McManus counters that Mershah is out of the loop, and as such won't give them anything useful. He goes on that he's going to transfer Mershah out of Em City. Considering that we haven't seen any Gen Pop prisoners get a plotline so far, what are the chances Mershah's going to live through the ten minutes? Glynn agrees, but suggests a shakedown based on Mershah's information