As we see the Em City inmates lined up in the open area to get their mail from Schillinger, Hill tells us that six percent of the U.S. prison population is 55 or older, which is double the number from ten years earlier. Great. Hill's monologue is going to lead me directly to Rebadow. I thought suffering was supposed to lead to enlightenment, not more suffering. Then again, this is Oz. Rebadow opens his package to reveal brownies, but someone takes the box from him, and then Wangler punches him in the face. Wangler, pick on someone as annoying as yourself. Oh, that's right, you were. In the prison hospital, Gloria attends to Rebadow as McManus watches. This scene flows into a roundtable discussion wherein the more humanist-minded among the staff propose turning Unit 2 into a seniors-only area. Again, great. I really want to see some geezer get his throat cut just as he yells out, "Bingo!" Glynn then steps on my bingo punchline. Watch it, dude. After hearing it from Mukada, Gloria, and Pete, Glynn notes that McManus has been quiet. Don't look a gift mute in the mouth, Leo. McManus sulkily admits that it's a good idea. I see I'm going to be dealing with some deep-seated issues of McManus's here too. Can I abort this recap? I'm very early along here. Glynn agrees to run the idea by the Commish, and adjourns the meeting. Gloria stays to inquire if McManus is okay, and asks him to dinner. McManus: "Dinner? You think I'm an asshole." Well, even assholes have to eat, Timbo. And how does "think" enter into it? McManus sniffs that he doesn't need a "mercy dinner." How about a last meal?
McManus interrogates a handcuffed Wangler in his office, and tells him that Rebadow is in the hospital. The response is tepid, a temperature familiar to me, but McManus says that he's pissed off, and that "you don't hit old men." He huffs that if he tells them to, the guards will kick Wangler's ass. I wouldn't be opposed to that action, but don't you think you could do it yourself, considering that he's tied to a fucking chair? Wuss. Anyway, Wangler blusters that he's not afraid of anything, but McManus asks him if he's afraid of dying, and starts choking him until he falls backward to the ground. Hmm. I'm something more than completely unimpressed. It'll pass, though. Richard Gere and some other hack take Wangler away, as McManus looks like a trip to PCP detox would be quite appropriate. We won't see that until later in the episode, though.
McManus is lifting weights in the gym when Glynn enters. They switch to a long shot as McManus does incline bench presses, which makes me wonder if they subbed a stunt lifter in for Terry Kinney. Glynn asks McManus if he's okay, saying that he's been different for the past few weeks. And there are so many ways he could have been different in a positive sense. Shame. Glynn breaks the news that the Commissioner rejected their senior-citizens unit proposal, but McManus opines that it was "Governor Fuckwad" who was behind it. Nice try, McManus, but "Pernicious Peewee" blows your effort away, so shut it. Glynn reassures him that the PP is almost out of office, as he's on trial for fraud and corruption. I'll spare you the obligatory Marion Barry joke. Glynn says that he hears McManus has been living at Oz, and that he's worried Oz will take away his soul. Slow down, Leo -- if it makes him more interesting and less self-righteous, who are you to stand in the way?
Hill tells us you don't have to be 55 to be old. Dude, tell me about it. I'm already sneering at the young whippersnappers that they don't make pop culture icons the way they did in my day, and my day was the eighties. Frightening. At night, McManus heads up to the guard's station and tells the one guy on duty to take a break. The camera pans back to show him looking around. Scene. This McManus I could almost get used to.
Groves brings food to Rebadow, who says he can't stay in Oz anymore because he's afraid. Sorry, dude, but if they let people leave on those grounds, the only people left would be Adebisi and Schillinger. I'd still watch that show, though. Rebadow goes on that he's specifically afraid of the young, and that when he first came to Oz, people treated their elders with respect. He says that he's going to escape, and Groves enthusiastically asks how. Rebadow: "God will show me the way." He smiles the smile of someone who's had that extra shot of morphine, a smile that I recently had the happy occasion to wear. We see him enter a stairwell wearing a robe over his hospital gown. He goes down a floor, but sees a couple of guys smoking. He tries upstairs instead, but only finds a locked door, and ends up tumbling back down the stairs, where he lies unconscious. Well, that was instructive. The hell?
Hill says that a lot of things can go wrong with the human body, something else I've been all too familiar with recently. In solitary, the guards come around with food, but at Miguel's grandfather's cell, it appears that the sandwich on the tray is not going to be enough to produce a picnic for the occupant. The guards unlock the cell to find him naked and wailing uncontrollably. The guards call for medical assistance, which leads into a flashback. "Prisoner Number 43A515. Ricardo Alvarez." The flashback is not of his original crime, which was armed robbery, but of the crime described by Mukada in "Visits, Conjugal And Otherwise," that being the murder of the Haitian who had cut his son's tongue out. Life in solitary. In the hospital wing, Gloria tries to tell him what they're going to do, but it becomes clear that he has no idea where he is. Upon questioning in Spanish, he reveals that he thinks he's in Havana. That would be fun.
Mukada, Pete, McManus, and Gloria meet for a routine discussion of the prisoners' mental health. Pete says she has a psychiatric re-evaluation scheduled with Miguel, but Mukada says he doesn't think that will go well, with his baby having died and all, and Gloria adds to the concern by divulging that Ricardo has Alzheimer's. I can only imagine that the item on the agenda is why this bunch never gets invited to parties. I mean, stop with the downers, people! McManus says he'll talk to Alvarez, but Mukada asks if he can do it instead. McManus: "I'm always willing to give up an opportunity to deliver bad news." You lie like the rug you so desperately need, Timbo.
Mukada finds Alvarez in Em City and asks him to come talk to him. Alvarez agrees, and as they walk off, he calls a dolled-up Beecher a maricon. Oh, Miguel, a little Torquemada will unstraighten you right out. In Mukada's office, Alvarez and Pete tell Miguel and Eduardo that Oz isn't equipped for the kind of long-term care that Ricardo will need, but there's no other place to send him, given that the state's attitude toward old prisoners is, according to Pete, "Hurry up and die." Well, sending them to Oz is a good start, then. Miguel says he wants to see Ricardo. Cut to the four entering the hospital wing. The old man's a quivering mess, and it's rather painful to watch. Pete opines that the state should let Ricardo go free. This proves not to be just a lark on her part, as we cut to Pete and Mukada pleading this case to Glynn. After budgetary statistics, the use of the expression "criminal menopause," and a mother-in-law joke, Glynn glibly dismisses the idea. Well, that was worth my time.
Alvarez tells Pete that, when he was little, he wondered what was so great about prison that his father and grandfather wanted to be there all the time. Aw. My big puppy dog. Pete asks what the word "grandfather" means to him emotionally. Alvarez says that it means nothing to him, which can only mean that by the end of the episode he'll be collapsed in a sobbing fit, repeating the word "grandfather" to himself over and over again. If there's a given on this show, it's that people always end up eating their words. Or possibly that if you're alone in the shower, Adebisi will find you. Pete asks if he would like "grandfather" to mean something to him, and he says yes. Pete tells him that Gloria isn't sure how long Ricardo has to live, and suggests that he work with his father in the prison hospital taking care of Ricardo. Alvarez says that when he was a kid, he thought of Ricardo as a legend, but now he sees that he's just a man, and that he doesn't want to end up like him. So, is that a "no," then?
Groves brings food over to Rebadow and says he's sorry he didn't make it out. You and me both, Cannibal Boy. Rebadow says it was worth it for the adrenaline rush, and that he felt twenty-five again. Well, no offense, but you didn't look anywhere near twenty-five when your saggy ass went careening down those stairs, Bob. Elsewhere, Miguel and Eduardo bathe Ricardo as Hill wonders if we care for the old out of genuine concern, or if it's just more of a societal contract. "Or does it matter?" Good question, that. Hey, Hill didn't make me tell him to shut up! Then he starts ranting on about the expression "at least you've got your health." I spoke too soon. Shut up, Hill.
Pete meets with Groves. He tells her his tooth has been hurting. I can already see the comic potential here, and I'm giggling. Pete tells him to see a dentist, but he reveals that he hates the concept of dentists. Who doesn't? I mean, I know that there are a number of families that are kept in sports cars and ski houses by the immeasurable suffering of others, namely the dentists' families, but I'm not counting them, of course. Pete, however, convinces him to make an appointment.
The dentist, who looks a bit like Peter Falk, complains to Gloria that Groves is coming to see him, and says he's not sticking his fingers in his mouth. Gloria asks about the Hippocratic Oath. Random Dentist: "Dentists don't take the Hippocratic Oath. We don't make any promises to anybody." Word, Random Dentist. Cut to Groves in the chair, wearing a mask that is ostensibly filling his head with pleasant, non-cannibalistic thoughts. Random Dentist removes the mask and tells Groves to open wide. After a quick look with no accompanying touching, Random Dentist says he's fine, and not to be a baby. Groves: "Who are you calling a baby?" Heh. The dentist immediately recants and takes another look, this time discovering a rotted tooth. He says that Novocain and drilling are essential, and that they'll entail a lot of pain, but the end result will be no more hurting. "If I cause you pain, it's not my fault, so don't bite my head off! I mean, uh..." Hee. I told you the comic potential was great. Random Dentist moves to inject Groves with the Novocain, but at the last second hands it off to a female assistant. What a weasel. Hee.
Later, Groves examines the tooth that was pulled from his mouth. He shows it to Ross, and notes, "This tooth chewed up my mom." Ross suggests that he sell it, showing an understanding of how twisted the general populace is. Groves is skeptical, but Ross tells him that people collect everything. It's true -- especially WASPs. Ross offers to try to find a fence to sell it for them, and Groves says that if he gets a good price -- he grins wide -- "I've still got thirty more." Well, your dentist will be relieved if that deal comes through.
Hill talks about the agony the mind can go through as we see Beecher applying a fresh coat of Dick Suck Red with Schillinger watching. Cut to the cafeteria, where there's a variety show in progress. Shockingly, the first act we see is pretty tame, but maybe that's because Pete is in the audience. Hill announces that the contestant is Beecher. Our boy comes out in heels, full makeup, stockings, a fishnet tank top, sheer black arm-length gloves, and a red dress that's twist-tied at the top. He looks like something you'd see at night in the meatpacking district in New York, and those of you familiar with the area will know that it's not your average hooker that frequents that area. They've always got a little extra something, if you take my meaning. Beecher sings a torch song as everyone watches with varying degrees of amusement and distress. When it's over, Adebisi howls with laughter, while Schillinger just looks annoyed. Once Beecher's off the stage, he takes a hit of the sniffy-sniffy. Pete catches him in the act, and does not look pleased. Bust a cap in his ass, Sister!
Pete bitches to McManus about Beecher still using drugs, and says he won't stop until he feels he can control his life again. McManus says that that won't happen, as this is a prison, and since when does Timbo realize that prison is actually meant to deprive people of certain liberties? He's making sense here, and I'm both scared and confused as a result. Pete suggests that they remind him of the little girl he killed. Yeah, that'll make his life better. We get a flashback to that tragedy, and then Beecher walks out to meet a blonde-haired woman behind the glass. Although she's facing away from us at first, her reflection reveals that she's been crying. They each hesitantly pick up a phone. The woman, who looks a bit like a less-blonde Rebecca De Mornay, greets him, and says her husband wouldn't come, as he was afraid he might kill him. I'm guessing that's not in Icebreaking For Dummies. Beecher can't seem to find any words, but when the woman presses a photograph of a young girl to the glass, his face contracts in tears. She continues that she's not sure why she came, but she thinks it was to see his face live and up close, and to tell him that she misses her daughter every day. And given the woman's resemblance to Rebecca, I guess it was only a matter of time before the woman went all The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, as she slams the phone against the glass and blurts, "Oh you fucking bastard! I hope you die in here, you motherfucking...! I hope you rot! In hell! You killed my baby!" Great idea, Pete.
Speaking of whom, now we're in her office, and Beecher is speculating that he lets Schillinger treat him the way he does because he feels he deserves to be punished. I thought it was because he and his buddies would hang you by your small intestine if you resisted, but given his resourcefulness in the rest of the episode, it could be that he has a point here. He admits that he hates himself for allowing himself to be debased, as Pete looks a little too pleased with herself. Sister, I like you, but dial it back. He goes on that he hated himself even before he killed the Rockwell girl, and as he says he doesn't want to hate himself anymore, he crushes the tube of Dick Suck Red into his palm. Say goodbye to Pragwood. Say goodbye, my Toby. Pete looks sad.
Beecher returns to the Pod of Pain, where Schillinger confronts him about being high during the variety show. Beecher apologizes, but Schillinger says he's the one that's sorry, and gives Beecher a t-shirt to wear. When he puts it on, we see that there's a Confederate flag on it, an adopted symbol of white supremacists. Beecher tells him that one of the black men will kill him if he wears the shirt outside the pod, and Schillinger agrees, saying "there's a new kid in town," as he looks down at Ross. Beecher offers to move to another pod, but Schillinger denies that request and opens the door. "Goodbye, prag." That's what you think, Vern. Beecher, holding his hands over the flag, goes to see Ryan. Beecher asks what he should do, and Ryan gives him some PCP. Hey, it's a little unorthodox, but I think Ryan was right on the money here. Outside, we hear that the Pernicious Peewee's trial is starting. Beecher marches out of the Party Pod with his vision a little distorted. The camera floats up the stairs. Beecher gets to the top, and observes Ross and Schillinger talking in the Pod of Pain. With no hesitation, he picks up a chair, gets a running start, and smashes the window of the pod. Ross sees him coming and manages to turn away, but Schillinger doesn't, and the apparent result is a lot of glass in Schillinger's eye. You'd think I'd wince after recent developments on Buffy, but no. Beecher yells triumphantly, and then climbs up on the rail and hallucinates a stage dive before the guards pull him back. He lets fly a string of obscenities that almost put Nate and Brenda to shame as Schillinger, who has blood running freely out of his eye, yells for a doctor. The crowd in the main area loudly chants, "Beecher! Beecher!" Fucking awesome. I hope this scene isn't supposed to convey an anti-PCP message, because if so, it failed dramatically.
McManus and Sister Pete observe Beecher in the Hole. He's shirtless, sweaty, and screaming. In other words, he's me were I ever to wake up from a sex dream involving McManus. In the hospital, Gloria tells Vern to keep his hands away from his face, advice that I'm against, since his eye looks pretty fucking gross. It is an Evil Eye, after all. Gloria tells her team that she's not sure she can save the eye, and they need to get him to Benchley Memorial right away. I love Benchley Memorial -- it's where they send the show's regulars when they can't think of anywhere else to put them. Benchley Memorial: The poor man's England. Gloria bandages the eye as Schillinger grits that he's "gonna kill that motherfucker." That's a shitty thing to say, Vern. Spoiler!
McManus tells a still-restrained Beecher that he has to go back to drug counseling or he'll transfer him out of Em City. Pete chimes in that they're trying to help him, and McManus adds that if he's afraid of Schillinger, he'll place Beecher in protective custody. Beecher's response: About ten repetitions of the exclamation "Fuck off!" punctuated by one "You fucks!" Well, what do you expect when you talk to someone who's coming down from a PCP experience? Cover your ears, Sister Pete. Fuck off, McManus!
Blah blah blah Hill-cakes.
Ryan's mopping the floor of the main area when Schibetta appears and informs him that his days with the "bucket brigade" are over. They walk, and Schibetta tells Ryan that Ortolani ran the kitchen "like a Swiss watch," and that D'Angelo and Markstram were good as well, but Adebisi isn't focused and "abuses the privilege." That explains all those goose-stepping dishwasher boys, anyway. Schibetta's typically belabored point is that Ryan is now in charge of the kitchen. That's going to go over like a ton of bricks. A ton of bricks carried by Rebadow. Soon after, Adebisi splutters that he runs the kitchen, but Schibetta is all, uh, no, as he's seeing rotten fruit, cold entrees, and excessive spending. My guess is that Schibetta wouldn't give a rat's ass as long as his own personal strawberries were fresh and his veal was tender and hot, but I certainly don't find it a stretch to think that Adebisi is taking whatever he deems "fresh," "tender," and "hot" for himself. Adebisi says he won't work with Ryan, but between that and being sent back to the "sweat shop," he chooses to be under Ryan, which, you can imagine, is not a place that I'd complain about visiting, for quite some time if asked. Ryan smiles and orders everyone back to work. Later, in Schibetta's pod, Adebisi complains that they were supposed to be partners. Schibetta says they still are, and lauds Adebisi's handling of the drug trade, but says the kitchen is Ryan's, and that he'll do a great job. Adebisi gets a maniacal look on his face as he asks, "You wanna bet on that?" If you listen carefully, you can hear a little "Cuckoo!" in the background.
Cafeteria. There's a long line for food, and the situation looks about as ugly as the last episode of Married By America. The kitchen workers are in the middle of a slowdown, and Schibetta looks annoyed as Ryan berates Wangler. Ryan then goes to the cage to spin a tale, telling Adebisi that the only reason Schibetta put Ryan in charge is to keep him and Adebisi at each other's throats. As he's talking, he rolls a thick towel over his hand, and then picks up a glass jar and breaks it. He rolls a can over the glass to grind it as he tells Adebisi that the two of them together can take over Schibetta's drug trade. He goes on that they have to act like enemies so no one will suspect anything. Adebisi opines that if they kill Schibetta, they're dead, but Ryan says they can put the ground glass in his food, which will cause a slow, painful, and untraceable death. Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey! Adebisi, holding a piece of glass to Ryan's throat, calls Ryan a sick motherfucker, and Ryan gets the predictable-but-necessary reply: "Coming from you, that's a compliment." Indeed. Adebisi orders Wangler to get him Schibetta's food, and Ryan adds that they can knock off the slowdown, Adebisi agreeing. Ryan and Adebisi shake hands. I love it when a plan comes together. Especially if said plan will cause massive internal hemorrhaging.
In her office, Pete asks Ryan what he would do if he were free, and he responds that he would travel. London is beautiful this time of year, Ryan. He says he'd like to go to the Morogoro jungle, and invites Pete to go with him. That's a spin-off I would watch. I have a feeling Ryan would be like The Snake Whisperer. Pete eventually manages to change the subject to the fact that Ryan grew up in a tough neighborhood. She then opens the door, confusing me as to the purpose of the interview. Ryan tells Pete that he's got twelve years until he's up for parole, and he's going to make it out of Oz. I think of the finale and sigh.
In the main area, Alvarez surreptitiously gets something from Groves as Schibetta and Ryan play cards. Schibetta appears to be in some gastric distress, and he accuses Adebisi of making the "red sauce" too spicy. Yeah, it's got an edge to it, all right. Thank you! Ryan allows himself a quick look at Adebisi as Schibetta continues to kvetch. I suppose I should come up with a more goy-ish word there, but I grew up in New York. If you don't know at least ten Yiddish words by the age of six, you're kicked out, never to return.
Speaking of people I'd like to see suffer that fate, Hill tells us that after he had his accident, he went through withdrawal. From his cage, he looks down upon himself in a hospital bed. Hill #2 tells us that it was easy, because they gave him a host of painkillers. Hill #1 goes on that he began counseling when he came to Oz, and staying straight is his new addiction. You know, I thought two Hills would geometrically increase the amount I want to tell him to shut up, but they cancelled each other out instead. The Dual Narrator Reverse Polarity Gambit. Risky, but effective.
Hill, watching Oz TV, says that Jackson Vahue got twelve years for attempted rape, and Ryan adds that he's coming to Oz. Now, Rick Fox may be quite the basketball player, or he may well not be, as, to be perfectly frank, basketball bores the piss out of me. However, I am quite certain that I would rather watch Rick Fox play basketball than watch him act, so if I treat the character with more disdain than usual, you can rest assured that it's not personal. That is, if by "not personal" you mean "no worse than I would give any other professional NBA player who also can't act for shit." Later, when McManus comes down the stairs from his office, Hill is lying in wait, and asks if he can be Vahue's sponsor, since he's such a big fan, and is there any doubt that McManus will give him what he wants? The squeaky wheel gets the grease with McManus. The man takes care of his own, after all. The day, Vahue sits in the waiting room, when a closeup triggers a flashback. A limo pulls up in front of a doormanned building. A slim, attractive woman, who just happens to be black, gets out, and Vahue quickly follows, grabs her, and slaps her to the ground. The doorman intervenes by trying to flying-tackle Vahue, but Vahue manages to get one more good clout in before two cops come along and, we assume, eventually subdue him. Well, Rick, it'll be an uphill battle to win the crowd back from here, but I'm sure a talented player like you can -- oh, wait. You're going to have to win the crowd back by acting. Well, we all have our lost causes, Rick. "Prisoner Number 97V588, Jackson Vahue." Attempted rape and assault, twelve years, parole in five. Vahue waits to go to Em City while all the new prisoners who aren't professional athletes get escorted to Gen Pop. A hack asks Vahue for his autograph, and Vahue gives it to him while still wearing handcuffs. Hee, even if they would normally have taken those off already. Hill leads Vahue into Em City, and Vahue gets a lot of friendly attention. Adebisi drops him a basketball with a leering grin. I'd be a little afraid of that smile, but I guess anyone he's not feeding ground glass in this episode should count his blessings.
In the gym, Vahue shoots hoops. I'll give him this -- he is doing a credible job of playing a professional basketball player. Physically, at least. Hill finds him, but Vahue tells him to leave him alone. He asks Hill if he's from the projects, and upon hearing an affirmative, bitches that he is too, and blathers that the one thing he's good at doesn't mean anything in there. He snits out. Okay, first of all, the thing you're good at, as we've already seen, in fact means of whole hell of a lot -- it brings you respect from inmates and hacks alike. And second, and more importantly, boo fucking hoo, you rich, impossibly blockheaded psycho. God. You'd think on a show about murderers, rapists, and people who are generally seen as the lowest of society's low, I wouldn't find so many characters likable. But the genius of this show is that I do. However, I hate Vahue -- proving, I suppose, that he's the opposite of genius. I don't suppose I needed a two-column proof to convince you of that one. Later, Vahue gets snitty about his work assignment. Put this in your pipe and smoke it: he has a scene with McManus, and I feel nothing for him. Of course, he could have slapped McManus, but he probably knew that trying to win me over was futile. It couldn't have hurt, though.
Class. A teacher lectures about George Washington Carver. I can no longer hear that name without thinking of the "maybe the dingo ate your baby" episode of Seinfeld, where Jerry and Elaine go to that really boring party on Long Island, and this guy is telling them about George Washington Carver, and how the peanut is a legume. That's right, folks, the name "George Washington Carver" causes me to giggle to myself, "The peanut is a legume!" I may have to pull a pop-culture dump on my brain at some point soon. The teacher notices that Vahue isn't listening, and when the class lets out, tells him he'd better start paying attention, or else. His threat is approximately 5,400 times more credible than any McManus has managed on the show thus far. Vahue leaves the class and asks Hill if he has any drugs. Upon hearing a negative, he asks, "Then what the fuck good are you?" This is one moment I hope made it into your little book, Hill.
In the cafeteria, Ryan gives Vahue a special tray of food. I wish it were the Schibetta kind of "special," but Ryan thanks him for winning an old bet for him, so no luck there, I guess. We see someone's leg in the foreground, and we realize that Said is lingering over Vahue like someone on a packed subway car who's somehow managed to sniff out that you're getting off at the station. I like faking getting up when I still have several stops to go. There's nothing like incurring the wrath of your fellow man. That's why recapping is the best job in the world. Said, who to my chagrin has redonned the smirk he was wearing in the first episode, tells Vahue that his fame means nothing, except in the way that he's a role model for children. So "nothing" in the sense of something, there. Well, Vahue should understand that, given what he said about his basketball skills in the joint. Anyway, Vahue curses, and Said smirks his way off-camera. Vahue goes to the counter and asks, "Who do you have to fuck to get high?" Serendipity, thy name is Adebisi.
Poet. This really brings new meaning to the term "captive audience," don't you think? Thank you! I've got a million of them! No, that's not a threat!
Hill is passing when Vahue calls to him from under the stairs and invites him to a little nose party with Wangler and Adebisi. Hill tells him he's been clean for two years, but under pressure from his idol, he starts sniffing like a pig in a forest filled with truffles. Good role model, there. This leads to a high-color dream sequence, wherein, in the gym, Hill gets out of his wheelchair and starts schooling Vahue one-on-one. Back under the stairs, Adebisi laughs that the drugs were up Wangler's ass, but I went into that in depth (heh) in my last recap, so let's just keep things moving, shall we?
Meeting of the Bleeding Heart Lodge. Gloria tells the group that Said's vital signs haven't stabilized, and McManus theorizes that he isn't taking his medication. He goes on that he thinks Said's concerned about the effect they'll have on his mind, and bravo, McManus, for spewing out something that Said said verbatim to the doctor that prescribed the drugs. That must be in the file he's looking at, so I can only conclude that McManus is trying to make himself look smarter. You'd think that would be an easy task. You'd be wrong, in that case. Gloria says if Said doesn't take something soon, she'll have to say something else said by the doctor in the last episode. I refuse to recap this nonsense. Later, in her office, Pete tells Said to think of her as his mother, and tells him to take his medication. Said: "No." He says a lot more words than that, but the only thing worth noting is that he seems to have made peace with dying. Considering how long I've been working on this recap, I kind of have too.
New prisoner. Huseni Mershah, a not-bad-looking light-skinned black man. Said is his sponsor. Mershah appears to be a Muslim. Prisoner flashback: Mershah and some toughs stand on the steps to a brownstone when across the street, several Orthodox Jewish men emerge from another building. Mershah and his men focus on one man and start whaling on him. "Prisoner Number 97M688. Huseni Mershah, also known as James Monroe Madison." Dude. Attempted murder, twenty years, parole in three. Three? I wish they would give a quick reason when there's a weird discrepancy between the sentence and the parole. In the main area, Mershah, wearing a Muslim cap, explains that the guy he beat up shot a friend of his. Said listens indulgently, but says it's time to pray. Mershah somewhat cryptically suggests that they might have to do a bit more than that, and Said smiles that they will. Well, problem solved! I'm sure the last five minutes will be uneventful, aren't you?
Cafeteria. Arif (where'd he come from?) reads aloud to his brothers, when Ross turns around and loudly tells him to "shut the fuck up." Dude, out of all the people I want to say that to on this show, Arif is way down the list. Unlike you. Shut the fuck up, Ross. Anyway, Mershah heads for Ross, but Said steps between them, and after a hack gets there, Said tells Mershah to sit down. Ross disses Said, and then does the same to a hack, who leads him off. We don't get any nudity here, which is just as well, if you ask me. Later, Mershah complains that Ross was making fun of the word of God. Said: "God does not need you to defend him from a moron." Nice one. He goes on that "skirmishes" such as the one earlier detract from their overall religious efforts. Mershah is sporting an attitude more consistent with a debutante who's just noticed that her best friend is wearing the same dress as she is at a Daughters' ball. He asks Said if he's from the 'hood. Said says he was born there, but he got out, and has traveled the world. And the seven seas. Mershah suggests that Allah sent him to remind him where he comes from, and smiles all ha-ha. Said laughs mirthlessly to himself, and Mershah's smile fades faster than someone watching Carrot Top do stand-up.
Showers. Mershah, who's got quite the body, bitches to Arif about Said, and suggests that he might be more valuable to their cause as a "symbol" rather than a leader. Arif asks what that means, but Mershah ha-has again that he was just kidding. That Arif, always one step ahead. One step ahead of a three-legged tortoise, that is.
Mershah, who's apparently podmates with Said, is doing calisthenics when the lights come on. We pan up to see Said, who looks like he ate about seventeen bowls of five-alarm chili the night before. He gives a strangled cry, and Mershah asks if he's having a heart attack. Said doesn't quite manage to gasp, "Yes, you buffoon," but it's implied. Mershah faux-reverently tells him it's the will of Allah. He leaves, and Said falls out of the bed -- whether more from pain or annoyance, I don't know. Nice plan, Mershah, except isn't count going to happen immediately? Whatever. Hill VOs about how the body and mind have to work together, as we get a montage of Adebisi snorting, Rebadow sleeping in the hospital, Ryan and Beecher soaring together (hopefully over one of the Greek isles), Hill wasted, and Said getting wheeled into the hospital. Hill tells us we have to take care of our bodies, because they're all we have. "I'll make a deal with you. I'll love your body if you love mine." Sounds great, Ryan.