Well, seeing as OTH jumps right from the credits into the episode this week, I'm assuming there's nothing from last week that we need to see. I think the lovely TPTB are giving us a break from reliving the angst-filled episodes of OTH past; perhaps we're starting off on a new foot this week.
So, the episode opens up with the camera panning over Nate's bachelor pad, complete with plasma screen TV, a fancy wall-hanging stereo that looks like it belongs on MTV's Cribs, and a mess of a table that includes strewn beer bottles and other party paraphernalia. Last but not least, we see a naked couple in his bed. Now, the boy's face is obscured, and the girl is absolutely not Haley, so it's a bit of relief when we see Nate wake up somewhere else wearing a white t-shirt. Hum, seems he spent the night at Haley's. A school night. In her bed. Without her parents noticing. Seems like the houses in Tree Hill are a) always open, thus proving the town more like Michael Moore's version of Canada than any American town and b) fully sound-proofed, because not only do parents not see anything, they also never hear anything. Anyway. Haley says, "I had the weirdest dream. There was this rapping at my window at four o'clock in the morning, followed by my boyfriend, who has his own apartment by the way, asking if he can crash in my room." She's brushing her hair. Haley's "Monica-ism" (read: strange, quirky characteristic that defines her personality) must be her early-bird rising. She puts the finishing touches on her hair and jokes, "Wait a second!" Nate says sleepily, "I had to get out of there." Haley: "Did I mention this is a recurring dream? What, isn't this the fourth time in two weeks?" Note the time reference. We don't get many of them. So, Nate's moved in, been there for a couple of weeks; we must be about ten days past the Date Night/Fright Night two days.
Haley's not satisfied just yet with her hair, so she picks her brush back up and does the other side: "Not that I'm complaining, but doesn't it defeat the purpose of having your own place?" Haley puts the brush down and wipes away some lip gloss as Nate says, "Tim keeps bringing over all these hot chicks. Which is a problem" -- pause for insertion of sugary sweetness -- "because none of them are you." Nate wiggles out from under the sheets, hopefully saving us all from a shot of his ahem, morning cannon, oh so common in the teenage years. Oh, wait, they're not really in bed, and Baby James only meets the teenage requirement by a year or two, right? Anyway. He says, "My place is, like, party central, and it's not even my party." Dude. I totally know what you mean. I lost my mom when I was fourteen. My dad worked nights and vacationed a lot, leaving my house wide open for such abuse. In fact, we didn't have furniture in the living room for years, making the house even more conducive to a party atmosphere. Ah, the fond memories of youth. So, Haley slides around to face Nate, and tells him they need to throw a "'Take Back The Party' party." Heh. He agrees, and they set the date for this Saturday. Nate continues, "We've got to plan it, though, and make sure it's pretty low-key, just a few friends, okay?" Of course! She claps her hands gleefully, stands up, and then says, "Now crawl back out the window before my parents hear you." Which they won't, because they must both be deaf or on the verge of becoming deaf, because they never hear anything. He says cutely, "Hear what?" He grabs her: "This?" She starts giggling and telling him not to tickle her, as he breathes his bad, after-party, not brushing his teeth before he comes over breath all over her freshly made up face.
Haley invites Peyton to the party. She agrees to come with an emphatic "Hell yeah!" And that's pretty much the whole scene.
Keith shows up at Karen's Café. Has he told her about his business? Does Luke know he doesn't have a part-time job anymore? Does this mean he'll burn the "Keith Scott Body Shop" sweatshirt he wears all the time? Karen says, "Hey Keith!" He walks closer to the counter and says, "That's Mr. Scott." Karen sounds sort of confused and hurt when she says, "I can't call you Keith anymore?" He replies, "Aw, I'm just trying it out. What do you think of me as a teacher? High school auto shop?" Well, let's just get realistic for a moment. Remember a couple of episodes ago when Dan said, and I quote, "Kids coming out of high school auto shop know this equipment better than you." And then proceeded to insult Keith because he never went to college? Well, the governing Board of Continuity (read: me) will rule that absolutely ridiculous. Firstly, Keith can't become a teacher without a degree, or at least without attending teacher's college, even with his applied skills. Secondly, if he was having trouble with the equipment that Dan stated was in all of the high schools, how's he going to teach other kids? Thirdly, what time of year is it? It's not the summer, the time that most schools, I would assume, hire their new teachers for the year, considering I'm certain that they don't have half-contracts. Maybe someone died or something that equals extenuating circumstances, but still -- regardless of whether or not Keith would be a good teacher (which he would, the Board's not arguing that), this plot's a silly, contrived excuse to get him out of town so Karen can miss him and show up asking him to marry her because she made a mistake. Oh, it's also to show that he has "potential" and a "future," all those things she told Larry Sawyer he didn't have. Shame on you, TPTB, for taking such a flippant approach to Keith's character -- we would have followed nicely along if he told Karen he was going back to college for a year in order to become a teacher, instead of this magical world where anyone can just end up teaching -- sort of like on Boston Public.
So, Karen thinks it's a great idea and thinks he would be a great teacher. Keith tells her he's got an interview in Charleston. Karen says, "When you said you planned on leaving I never assumed it would be this fast." He knocks on the table: "Ah, well, no reason to wait." Luke shows up at that very poignant moment and says "hey" to his uncle. They slap/shake as Luke's about to leave the café. What time is it? Keith says, "Tell me you're going to practice?" Luke: "Therapist says I'm ready to go!" Keith turns back to Karen and says, "You didn't tell him about my proposal, did you?" Karen was "wrestling" with it. He nods. She continues, "Should I tell him you're planning on leaving town?" Keith says that he'll do it. "He's going to miss you." Keith nods again. They share a tender mini-moment before Karen walks away, for no other reason then it was probably her cue from the director. Keith stands there nodding into space, having second thoughts of his own.
Luke practices with the rest of the Ravens. He shoots. He misses. Nate says, "Knock it down, Lucas." He shoots. He misses. Nate shoots. He scores. Luke shoots. He misses. Nate says, "Keep shooting, man, it'll come." Luke doesn't look so convinced. Someone throws him the ball. We see Whitey in the shot, glaring at him in his concerned/pissed off way. Luke shoots again. It's all rim. The people in the gym disappear as he continues to shoot and hit the rim. Peyton's there after cheerleading practice. He says to her, "Well, the good news is that I'm back." Pause. "The bad news is I suck." He bends his arm and holds up his shoulder. She puts her hands on his lovely arm and says, "You okay?" He tells her it's a bit tight. She wiggles it around for him and says comfortingly, "You're just rusty. Pretty soon, you'll really suck, just like before." They laugh. Peyton's dry wit rocks. It's the good Peyton, the non-timber Peyton. Of course, Brooke walks into the gym just as Peyton's massaging Luke's arm, and bitches, "You know, I'd tell you two to get a room, then you've already done that." They look at each other in that way as she stomps out of the gym. Man, after what she did in the past couple weeks, she has no right to still bitch -- you don't string a fellow along like that and still reserve the right to play the wounded party. You got yours, Brooke, now enough's e-freaking-nough.
But Peyton keeps on trying. She chases Brooke down outside the school. She screams, "Brooke! Brooke! We gotta stop doing this." Brooke keeps pounding the "injured" pavement: "Fine! You stop talking to me, and I'll definitely stop talking to you." Peyton stands still for a minute, and Brooke turns around. Peyton says, "Okay. I mean we're not really friends anymore, are we?" Brooke says bitingly, "You know, for a fake blonde, you sure catch on slow." Peyton: "I tried apologizing to you. I'm done trying now." Brooke: "Good. I mean, it's really pretty pathetic." Peyton: "Fine. If that's really what you want. Fine." And finally, after weeks of trying to prove her good intentions, Peyton finally gives up the ghost and walks away. The wounded, injured Brooke is sure getting tired, people.
Haley brings by some groceries for Nathan. He and Dim sit on the leather couch playing video games. Well, I should clarify: they're playing a basketball video game. She tells him that she got all the stuff for the party except the drinks. Dim pipes up: "Make it BYOB! Or BYOT! Get it, BYO-T, Tim." Nathan rolls his eyes, and then offers Haley some cash because he still has some left over from selling the car. Um, considering how he decked his apartment out, I'm surprised he has any money left at all. She says no way, that the party is totally on her. Haley continues, "But I ran into some extra people and I didn't really want to say no, but it's going to be low-key, I promise." Dim picks up the controller as Nate's occupied with Haley and starts playing the game. Nathan smiles, and says okay. As she turns around to put the groceries away, Nate's looks appreciatively at her, ahem, tattoo. She turns back toward him and says, "What?" He steps forward and smiles: "You're just lucky Tim's here. 'Cause I've got a thing for girls named Haley James." She smiles coyly and says, "Really? Well, you're lucky Tim's here too." They say in unison: "Tim. Go home." Dim drawls, "Whh-aa-tt?" Haley laughs and says, "I got more stuff in the car, so go play; I can kiss you later."
Haley leaves, and Nate sits back down. Dim says, "Damn, she sure was a surprise. It's like everything you touch turns cool. You're like King Midol." Heh. He's so dumb. You've got to love the fact that he's just so dumb. Nate picks up the controller and says, "You've been playing this whole time?" Dim: "Yeah!" He giggles like a girl: "Your team sucks." Like an ominous cloud, darker than the rainiest of rainy days, Dan walks unannounced into the room. Dim hears him, turns around, and says, "Hey Mr. Scott." Dan glares at him. Dim mumbles, "I win. See ya." And then races out of there as fast as he possibly can. It doesn't matter, though; Dan gets a dig in just as Dim slips out the door: "How's my wife?" Oh, Dan's so immature. He turns his attention back to Nathan: "You want to tell me why some guy I've never seen before came in to put a new security system in a new Mustang? A new Mustang I thought I had given to you as a gift." Nate tells him the truth: "It's 'cause I sold it." Dan bitches, "You had no right to do that." Nathan gets up off the couch and explains, "Dad, look, I've got expenses now, like rent." Dan steps closer to him and lectures, "Unh-uh, no, you don't get that now. I'm offering you a home. You turn me down; you're on your own. I want the rest of the money from the sale. I'll take cash or a cheque." Wow. That's a cold, hard lesson. "Or you can keep the money and come home with me now." Nathan lets out a very loud deep breath as he walks over to the gym bag and grabs his cheques. He fills one out, hands it to Dan, and says, "Thanks for stopping by, Dad. We should do this more often." Dan shakes his head, but takes the money all the same. I guess Dan's only tactics when it comes to parenting consist of bribing and then blackmail. Nate's making it a habit of standing up to him, though, and that's a positive thing.
Haley talks to two girls I've never seen before about the party. She looks kind of surprised and bewildered by the attention. Brooke shows up in their place and greets Haley with a sugary-sweet "Hi friend!" Haley says, "Hey Brooke." Brooke asks, "So when's the party?" Haley tells her that it's on Saturday night. But here's where it gets sticky. Brooke says, "Don't worry. I'm not going to tip off the paparazzi." Haley says that she's not worried, but they're trying to keep it small. Brooke gets the message, and she snits, "Peyton said not to invite me." Haley says, "No she didn't, not exactly." Brooke's face grows cold: "All right. You know, have you're little party and play your naked Twister --" Haley interrupts, "It's really just a couple friends." Brooke snaps, "Right. And I'm not one of them." And she walks away on her cloud of righteous indignation. Funny, she treats Peyton and Lucas -- both now dear friends of Haley -- like poo, and still expects to be invited to the party? Oh, the trials of a teenage drama queen, indeed.
Haley and Nathan are walking around the local galleria. He says, "What kind of experience do you need to work in the mall?" Haley says she doesn't know, but she thinks at least some. She attempts to assuage his bad mood by offering to buy him a Fruit Frolic Smoothie with added protein. They notice a "Help Wanted" sign on the cash register. Nathan moans, "Food service?" Haley gives him a look. He smiles and says, "Pen." He starts writing and says, "Name." The obviously socially-challenged kid who runs the pretzel stand puts his hand on the clipboard and answers, "Nathan Scott. Can you start now?" Nate smiles and says, "Yeah!" Haley jokes, "Well, that was easy." And just like that, Nate's minimum wage job is well on the way of supporting his elaborate lifestyle. What's he going to buy ? A condo so he doesn't have to rent anymore? A small island country so he has a vacation home? Money magically stretches in mysterious ways in Tree Hill. Maybe I need to move there.
Peyton's in her room, drawing. Luke shows up with a CD in hand. Peyton's dad must be on the boat again. He says, "Hey, got your Blackout CD. I forgot I had it." Peyton walks to her door, where she's got a list of her missing CDs. And what's on the top of the list? The Constantines. And who are The Constantines? Well, they're only a great band from Canada whose CD, "Shine A Light," rocks harder than anything I've heard in a long time. They kick ass. The CD kicks ass, and Peyton kicks ass for having them on her list. You know what else is on the list? "Paul's Boutique." The classic album by the Beasties. Another awesome album. One of my favourite albums, in fact. There are shout-outs all over the place. One of my favourite albums of all time, and one of the bands I've been listening to, like, every day for the last few months. It's like they're reading my mind.
Anyway. Peyton says, "So you smell that?" What? "That scent in the air? I think it's called guilt? Brooke and I called it quits today." Peyton crosses out The Blackout, then walks back and sits on her desk: "Normally, girls don't really break up. We kind of just bitch and bicker until we can work it out." Luke says, "I'm sorry, Peyton." Yeah, she is too. She continues, "I'm glad you came by, I was actually going to call you." Pause. "Haley's party? Are you going?" Luke replies, "Yeah, how great is that, I don't think Haley's ever thrown a party." Peyton asks if he wants to go with her. The Chad furrows his eyebrows and looks confused. He squints his response as Peyton explains that it's not a "like" a date or anything. The Chad asks how that works, exactly. Peyton replies, "Let's see, we don't make out, but we don't argue. I think we just kind of have fun." He opens his eyes and then squints again as she continues, "Look, we're friends, okay, and it would really be great if we could just be friends." What about Brooke? "Hang out with her, date her, whatever. But you and I shouldn't have to avoid each other." Luke squishes his lips together and agrees. Wow! Peyton actually makes sense! Wow! Peyton's actually not chewing the scenery! They head into her closet, which is actually wall-to-wall records. He says, "So, what are you listening to, huh?" She laughs: "Actually, I'm on this big '80s metal kick. I just picked up this Ratt album." She pulls it off the shelf: "It's outstanding." Heh. See? She's even showing more of her personality. They go off to listen to the Ratt album. Poor Brooke, she never had a chance. With interests like shopping and cheerleading, she could never really compete against a Ratt-listening, independent-thinking artist who practically raised herself.
Well, poor Nathan continues to struggle in the real world. He sucks at making dough into pretzels. Aw, but all the Baby James lovers will be thrilled with the yellow uniform with the red apron over top. And the backwards baseball cap. He twirls the dough. He swirls the dough. He drops the dough. He rolls the dough. I'm surprised he doesn't end up with dough all over the place. Ah, therein lies the irony -- we're speaking literally here about pretzels and not metaphorically about money. Seems TPTB have quite a sense of humour. Yawn. Nate's boss puts the "super" in supervisor. Well, what's funny is that in one shift, Nathan already has a name tag -- maybe they make them in the back of the store? The pretzels roll off the production line all malformed and out of shape. A customer comes to the counter asking for napkins. Nate brushes him off. This makes Gary, the Super-supervisor, roll his eyes and huff and puff. In the real world, they'd have a napkin dispenser on the freaking countertop, but whatever. Of course, Gary burns over and pulls one from under the register, and then apologizes profusely to the customer. Then he turns his managerial wrath on Nathan: "Customers first, Scott, PULP." What? "P-U-L-P, Performance, Understanding, Leadership, People -- The Hot and Twisted Way." Nate jokes, "Isn't that what they used to call your mom? Hot and twisted?" Grumpy Gary grabs the dough from Nathan's hands and scolds, "You might be a big star at school, but here, I'm you're boss." Gary moulds the dough while Nathan realizes slowly that he's popular and this kid's, well, not: "You go to Tree Hill?" Gary replies, "I'm in your history class." Pause. "Okay, here's some more recent history. Homecoming last year, you and a couple of your Ravens kicked my ass just for fun. Ring a bell?" Nathan says quietly, "Kind of." He pauses and then genuinely apologizes to Gary. How much has our wee Nate changed? It's awesome.
Karen puts a brand-new tie into a box when Luke comes into the Café and asks her who it's for. She says, "It's for Keith, he's got a job interview coming up." The Chad raises his eyebrows. Karen continues, "He's thinking of moving, Luke." Why? He can't get a job here? "I don't think he wants a job here." The Chad scrunches his eyebrows together and turns his head to the side. He says quietly, "Mom?" She answers, "Keith proposed to me and I said no." Luke says, "I've got to go see him!" He's halfway out the door before the words are even out of his mouth.
Cut to Keith admiring himself in the mirror, wearing a new navy suit. He looks handsome. He should shave, but still. Luke shows up and embraces his uncle. Then he apologizes, and Keith tells him it's okay. Luke: "Mom told me what happened. She said you're leaving." Keith nods. "Why didn't you tell me?" Keith answers, "Well, because as hard as it was your mom turning me down, it's even harder to think about leaving you. I don't want to be the second Scott brother to do that to you." The Chad reassures Keith that he doesn't think about it that way. He says, "Look, I know Mom said no, but does that mean you've got to go?" The camera pauses on The Chad's face. He scrunches up his eyebrows as Keith explains that it's just something he's got to do. Luke nods. Blah call, blah visit, blah there for Luke blah. Luke says quietly, "I know. And I want you to have what you want, you know? But I wanted you to be my dad too." And if Keith wasn't so masculine, he would have broken down into a big, blubbery mess. And if the Chad wasn't almost thirty, I would have too.
I'm sorry, but making an entire show out of the brutally misguided people who audition for shows like American Idol as a hoax and calling it a "Superstar Challenge" is just cruel. It's a new low for the WB.
The Café. My guess is that Jake's working, because Karen's got Jenny -- or a baby I'm just assuming is her, because what other baby is there on this show. Deb comes in and says, "Oh, they were so much simpler then." Karen smiles and says, "Are you nostalgic for sleepless nights?" Deb: "My husband won't divorce me but my son didn't have to think twice about it." Karen tells Deb she's sorry. Deb says, "You know, I was sitting alone in the big, empty house and it occurred to me on my long list of dumb decisions, turning down your partnership offer was one of the dumbest." Deb puts her coat on. "Any chance it still stands?" Karen says, "Of course it does!" Done! Wicked. They're in business together. Let's hope that's a partnership that lasts. Deb flips her hair out from under her collar and says, "Well, I'm off to tell Dan that he's got twenty-four hours to clear out his things or they go to Goodwill." Keith walks in at that very moment and quips, "Or I could help you burn them!" He's wearing a suit and tie. Deb tells him that he looks nice, and it's true, he does. But dude needs to buy a razor and learn how to use it. Deb gives Keith a hug on the way out. Karen hands him the gift and says, "I wanted to give this to you before your interview, but employee daycare called." Keith opens it up and finds the tie. She bought it for good luck. Keith rips off his clip-on, folds up his collar, and puts on the new tie. They talk about Luke's visit, about how much it meant to Keith, about how he's less than three hours away, about how Luke can always visit. Of course, Keith makes a mess of the tie. Of course, Karen hands him the baby to hold while she fixes it. Of course, he gets a glimmer of what could have been. Of course, they both do. Of course, I'm just praying that the hailstones falling don't actually contain little pieces of metal that could be moulded into you-know-what. The last thing we need is for a Tree Hill Anvil Factory to be Keith's place of employment. It's shocking enough he's going to become a teacher on a whim. Blah they look into each other's eyes. Blah the tie's perfect. Blah Jenny spits up all over him and he smells like sour milk for his interview. Oh, well, no, that didn't happen, but if this were reality, that's what would have happened. Karen takes the baby back and wishes Keith well. He smiles fondly at her, and walks out, leaving behind the thought that maybe they both made the wrong decision.
Haley comes from the grocery store with more party supplies. She's on the phone with Nathan asking him how Day Two of the pretzel experiment is going. He laughs and tells her that he's mopping. Gary, the "Super" Supervisor, breaks his balls about using the cell phone, so he hangs up. Blah he's got customers, blah did he clean the blenders, blah a whole life of pent-up rage against the chosen few comes out in his treatment of Nathan. Am I in a John Hughes movie? Nathan tells Gary to relax. Gary doesn't take kindly to Nate's suggestion: "No, I can't relax. Unlike you I actually need this job." What does that mean? "It means that some of us don't have a rich daddy waiting when things get tough. If I want to go to college, I've got to pay for it, so if you're going to waste my time you might as well quit now." Um, while he's berating Nate, who's serving the all-important customers? Huh? Where's PULP now, bitch? Nathan says, "That's not what I'm doing." Good. Gary tells Nate that someone called in sick, so he's going to need Nathan to work a double shift; then they clean up and do inventory. Nathan tries to wiggle out by saying he's got plans, but Gary plays the manager's card and tells Nathan that he's fired, then. He can take his pick. There's nothing like a rock and a hard place, is there?
So, the interview takes place in the shop where Keith will be teaching. He's walking with what I'm assuming is the principal. Keith says, "So, um, selling the shop really couldn't be avoided." Principal Dumbass who'll hire any Joe Blow with relevant experience but no actual qualifications says, "I'm curious why you quit so soon after they hired you on?" Keith says that the "new" management was taking things in another direction. And he had a problem with that? Keith says, "The new management was my brother." Pause. "And he's an ass." The principal looks down for a minute, and Keith thinks that he's totally blown it. Principal Dumbass says, "I see. Mr. Scott, you may be qualified from a technical standpoint, but teaching teenagers is a whole other thing." Pause. "Why do you want this job?" And here comes the part where we feel Keith is philosophically qualified, if not categorically so: "To me, it's not about teaching them to change a spark plug, it's about giving them the confidence to do something maybe they didn't think they could do before." Pause. "And, once you do that, you've earned their trust. When you have that, you can really have an effect." Well, that answer turned the tide of this interview, before he walks away to the other end of the shop, Principal Dumbass says, "My brother's an ass too." Keith looks a bit stunned, but he follows him anyway. So the interview is on a Saturday? At the school? Because it's evening now, and in another part of Tree Hill, Haley puts on lipstick for the second time this episode.
So, Mouth's the resident DJ. Do you think Brooke will end up being his Donna? Yawn. The doorbell rings. Haley complains about them being early. Aw, she looks cute; she's wearing a jean skirt and a sweet pink top. She goes to open the door. Who's there but Dim, with a keg. Who would give this kid a keg? She tries to tell him that Nathan's not even back from work yet. Dim jokes, "Somebody's got to kick this mother off!" Heh. "What up Nose!" Mouth deadpans, "It's Mouth." Why can no one get his name right? But it's damn cute that Haley organized a DJ for her party.
Now, it's Peyton's turn to fiddle with the lipstick in her bedroom. Luke shows and says, "Wow, you're kind of hot." Peyton leans on the door frame, juts out her hip, and says, "Yeah?" See, and they're even getting back to camaraderie, which is much better than angst. I'm so tired of writing about angst. Luke comes fully into the room and says, "Look, I know we're just hanging out, but I got you a gift." She says, "Dude, you shouldn't have." Luke: "I know, but I did." Peyton: "Well, cool, give it to me, I love gifts." She walks toward him and holds out her hands. He says, "I know you're into this whole '80s metal thing, so I got you the first Tesla record." She laughs, and says that it's "sweet." But she doesn't use it to mean the gesture was sweet on Luke's part, but more in the Wayne's World party-on sense of the word. She says, "I got you a high-five. Do you want it now or later?" Now's good! They slap hands. Aw, friendship? How many bets that it gets messed up by the end of this episode? Of course it does, because nothing fun lasts for any length of time on this damn show.
Haley and Dim sit on the couch. She's moaning because she thinks no one's coming to her party. Dim comforts her by saying that no one ever wants to be the first one there. Of course, the doorbell rings, just in the nick of time. But just as Haley's going to answer the door, Dim leapfrogs over the couch and opens it first. There's a whole crowd of kids there that she doesn't know. Dim screams, "Whatzzzup! Party in the hiz-house!" He embraces some girl, and the entire crowd comes into the house. Haley says, "Um, Tim?" Yeah? "Do you know any of these people?" Well, not really, but it's a party, right, you want people to show up? Haley clasps her hands together and nervously agrees with him. The crowd digs into the food, the drinks, and anything else they can get their hands on. Poor Haley, she's going to have a heart attack by the end of all of this.
Meanwhile, Brooke drowns her sorrows at the only bar in town. Some guy drinking beer comes over and sits down to her. He leers at her. She rolls her eyes. He says, "Buy you a drink?" She scoffs. And turns around and unleashes the best of Brooke's attitude: "Okay, guy in need of a clue, here's one: women send signals and that was a brush-off." He turns and slightly opens his mouth, but she's still going: "Before you dip into your shallow pool of wit, I'm going to paint us both a picture and save us both the trouble. Here's your evening: you are going to slink back off to your buddies, laugh this off, get wasted, go home and make nice with yourself. But don't be thinking of me, because even your fantasy of me isn't interested in you." Wow, dude slinks off like he's got no spine left after that one. Oh, no. Here's trouble. What's left behind in the space that dude vacates? Well, Nikki, of course. She says, "Nice work, extra points for style." Brooke looks at her and says, "I've seen you around. You're Jake's ex, right?" Nikki wears a knit top over a black camisole thingy. She says, "No, he's mine." She looks skanky. Maybe that's because she is a skank. "You go to Tree Hill?" Brooke nods. And as referencing her speech, Nikki takes this as a sign of interest. As she slides over to sit beside Brooke, she says, "So what brings you out into the big, bad real world?" Brooke: "Oh, anger, alcohol and fake ID." Nikki: "Nice combo. Men?" Brooke: "Dogs." Pause. "Two of them. An ex-boyfriend and a back-stabbing girlie ex-best friend." Nikki: "That's typical." Pause. "You got a strand of hair and five minutes, I can show you a great curse we can put on them." Brooke plays along; she pulls a hair out of her head and tells Nikki to show her what she can do. Um, I'll bet the girls over at Charmed are shaking with anger at this poseur. First of all, Wicca can only be used for good; see, they fight evil, and don't use magic for personal gain, but whatever. Nikki's crazy and strange, so of course, she knows "magic." Can the stereotypes pause for a moment so they can see the damage they're doing? It's not like the poor pagans haven't got it hard enough after what Mel Gibson did to Hollywood this season. Anyway. Nikki says, "What are their names?" Brooke snits, "Lucas and Peyton." Nikki looks taken aback for a second, but she doesn’t show it to Brooke. She says, "Where are they tonight?" Brooke touches the rim of her glass with her hand as she replies, "They are at a party that I was not invited to. Can you believe that?" Oh, and wouldn't she need a strand of either Peyton's or Luke's hair for her curse? What's Brooke's hair going to do? So silly. They can't even get a simple curse right. Brooke continues, "They sneak around like little mongrels and I get removed from the A list." The bartender asks if he can get them anything. Nikki replies, "Yeah, two vodkas, and, um, two for my new friend here." Brooke smiles, "Now you're talking, witchy-poo." Nikki takes a sip of her drink. And this woman wants her child back? She doesn't seem very responsible. Nor does she seem all that, well, normal. Poor Jake. He's truly cursed with this woman in his life.
So, Nathan's still in his mall of pretzel hell, and Gary's not making it easy or enjoyable for him. Nathan drops a plate of pretzels on the floor and endures the subsequent "Nice move, All-Star" from Gary. He bends down to pick them up just as Dan shows up to act like even more an asshat: "You know, it's a shame. I have pictures of you in your first bath, getting your first haircut, the first time you walked, but here it is your first job and I don't have my camera with me." What a jerk. He continues, "Of course if I did have a picture of you, Mom would probably take it in the divorce." Because slagging the kid's mother in front of him is really the way to get him back, eh Dan? Nathan whisper-insists, "Look, Dad, I'm trying to work here, okay." Dan says he can see that, but really, how long is Nate going to keep the job? A month at most? Dan says, "Come home with me, this is embarrassing." Nathan retorts, "No, Dad, watching you and Mom fight is embarrassing." He continues, "This might be the ground floor, but at least I'm doing it by myself, unlike some." What does that mean? "I'm not just living off Mom's money like you did." Dan nods and then says, "Oh, okay, all right. You've got a lot to learn, kid, but go ahead, impress me." Just when he's about to walk away, Nate bends down, grabs a pretzel off the floor, and then tosses it at Dan. Heh. He takes a bite and proclaims that it's pretty good! Nate turns back to Gary, who seems to be warming to him.
Haley's party seems kicking. Although she doesn't seem all that comfortable. The beats bomp. The kids mill about. Haley comes across the two girls she invited at school. One says, "Nathan Scott and your own apartment? You have, like, the coolest life ever!" Haley sort of thanks them and tries to explain that it's not really her apartment. But they don't care; they're at the party! Luke and Peyton show up in the doorway. Haley runs to them because she's so, like, happy to see them. Luke asks, "Haley? Who are all these people?" She says sarcastically, "Who cares! It's a party, right?" Instantly, Brooke appears in the doorway: "Sorry I'm late." The three of them turn and look at her, and all have semi-stunned looks on their faces. "I hope nobody minds. But I've brought a friend." Slutty Nikki shows up behind her and says, "Let the games begin." Oh boy. Now things are really going to get out of control.
The Darkness plays as Nikki and Brooke drink up on the couch. They sit really close to each other and giggle. Obviously, Luke and Peyton are uncomfortable. Haley says, "Maybe if I had just invited her?" He says, "Not your fault, Hails." Peyton stares over at them. Haley says, "Who is this Nikki person anyway?" Peyton fills her in: "It's Jake's baby's mom." Haley gives Peyton a wide-eyed look as Peyton continues, "Yeah, she's a tramp." Nikki gives Peyton a look from across the room and drinks her vodka. Straight. Luke carries on playing a video game. You know that feeling you get when things just don't turn out like you want them to? That's the feeling poor Haley's carrying around like a party favour. And what kind of girl comes to a high school party looking for trouble? Honestly? She's probably a good three years older than all of these kids. Something crashes somewhere, and Haley jumps up to see what happened. Peyton decides she needs a drink, so she heads over to the keg. Luke stays put, so Nikki comes over and drawls out of her lopsided mouth, "I like a guy who can keep a secret." Luke doesn't look at her when he says, "You asked me not to say anything." Luke gets up and tries to get away from her, but it's not that easy. She follows him, asking where Jake is tonight. Luke won't turn around, nor does he stop, but he does tell her that Jake's working tonight. Nikki doesn't seem to get the hint: "Well, we'll just have to have all the fun." She insinuates a certain something: "Have they got a carousel in this place?" Um, okay, she knows Luke's name is "Lucas," now she also knows that he used to go out with Brooke. Brooke is her new best friend, so, um, why is she going after Brooke's guy?
Luke finally turns around and gives her the what-for: "Look, Nikki, you asked me to do you a favour, and I did. Okay, you asked me not to tell Jake, and I didn't. Now it's your turn to do me a favour. Take Brooke and get her out of here before she starts something." Pause. "My friend Haley doesn't need this tonight." Brooke acts all coy: "Need what? I'm just having a little fun." Peyton arrives at that very second. Nikki sees her and says, "Oh. I thought I smelled something." Peyton smiles sweetly and snaps, "Oh that's skank, and I think it's coming from you." Luke giggles. Peyton says, "Come on, Lucas." And of course he trots after her, because he lurvs her. They leave a steaming Nikki behind, stewing in her failure to send a wisecrack back in Peyton's direction. That girl's wit is ironclad tonight. Of course, Nikki pours some more straight vodka into her blue plastic cup and knocks it back, because getting drunk will solve all of her problems. I'm so serious about the fact that Nikki is to One Tree Hill what Oliver was to The O.C. We all know how well that ended up -- it almost derailed the entire show. She needs to go, and she needs to go now.
It's like Nathan's day just won't end. He's still at the mall pulling double duty with Gary. Gary wants to talk about the day Nathan and the team beat him up. Nathan apologizes, again. Then Gary wants to know why Nathan needs the job so badly. Nate says, "You saw my dad, right? If I can't show a judge I can support myself, I've got to live with that guy." Gary says, "Wow. You'd better hope I don't fire you." Gary leans on his mop stick and glares at Nate with hopes of intimidating him. Poor kid. Nate looks him straight in the eye and says, "All right, here's the deal, man, I'm going to work hard because I need this job, not because you're gunning for me. Now you can either let it go and accept my apology or you can just fire me right now." Gary says quietly that he'll let it go, but Nathan's got to really do a better job. Nate smiles and says, "Right, I will, PULP all the way!" Gary shows his softer side and lets Nate go early, after all, he's having a party. Nate looks surprised that Gary knows about the party. Gary tells him that everyone in school knows about it. Nathan: "You can stop by if you want?" Gary rolls his eyes: "Yeah, right? Now pry your lips off my ass and get out of here. I'll see you tomorrow." Nate thanks him and takes off.
Brooke's at the keg, getting some guy to pull one for her. Peyton shows up wanting more beer at the exact second. They see each other. Peyton takes the high road: "So, you're hanging out with Nikki?" Brooke takes the low road: "Do I know you?" The high road: "Look, Brooke, just don't cause any trouble tonight, okay?" The low road: "Wait a minute, you're that tallish lying person I used to be friends with. Why don't you go crawling back to that boyfriend formally known as mine." Well, after that comment, Peyton slides on the pissed-off highway right back down to Brooke's level: "Wow. This not being friends with you thing is getting so much easier every time I see you." And with that, Peyton walks away, on the street which has come to be known as Last Word Lane.
Nate sits on a bench, waiting for the bus. Aw. He tries Haley's cell phone, but gets the voicemail.
Deb packs up Dan's stuff while drinking a glass of wine. Oh, angry wife, wine, and breakables, perhaps not a good combination. Dan comes into the room and she says, "You're late." He snaps, "You going to divide those up too?" She turns around and snits, "And deprive you of your glory days?" Dan sits down on the step leading into the room and pours himself a glass of wine. Deb continues, "I wouldn't think of it." Dan snarks, "Oh, may I? Or should I pour half back?" Dan's man bangs are way, way too long. Dan continues, "Why are we going through this charade, Deb? We're just going to have to unpack that stuff later." Deb continues packing up his trophies as she tells him that it's time to move out of denial. Funny, I thought that was a river in Egypt. What? I'm bored with Dan's evilness, so sue me. One can only say he's an asshat so many times; I really wish there was some development in another direction. Dan continues, "Me in denial? You're the one sitting here creating busywork for yourself while our son gets a job at the mall --" He stands up and starts semi-shouting: "A direct result of your irrational need to rip the three of us apart." She turns around to face him and scoffs, "I ripped the three of us apart?" She runs her hand through her hair: "You know, Dan, if I wasn't half drunk, I'd tell you to go screw yourself." She puts the final trophy into the box, picks it up, and walks it over to him, saying, "And here they are, your trophies --" She drops the box on the floor by his feet: "Congratulations."
She walks back away from him as he says, "So this is what we've come to? Hm? Boxing up our lives, trading insults, drinking cheap wine?" Deb picks up the bottle and tells him the wine's not cheap. Dan holds the glass up for a minute and then notices that it's their wedding crystal. Deb corrects him: "Oh, no, that's yours, I broke mine." He looks a bit stunned, so he tries another tactic -- if one-handed manipulation's not working, why not try the other hand: "I don't want to do this, Deb. I don't want to divide up our lives --" She interrupts him: "Oh Dan, you already did, you divided this family a long time ago." Well, that sets him off; he starts screaming about what did he do that was so wrong. Blah building up the business, blah building a nice life, blah giving her a car, blah the clothes on her back blah. Deb's not taking it: "You know what, Dan? You know what, keep it all, here --" She storms over to the side of the room and grabs the keys from the bowl: "You want the car, here --" She throws the keys at him. "You want the house, here!" She throws more keys at him: "You want the clothes off my back, here!" She pulls off her sweater and then her shirt so she's just wearing her bra. And there we go; Deb's boobs have once again become a character in their own right on this show. He tells her to stop. But she doesn't, she throws her shirt at him too. He screams, "Will you stop, Deb!" She shouts back, "What? What else do you want, Dan?" He says quietly, "I want you." He walks over and stands right in front of her face and semi-kisses her. She whisper-shouts, "Don't say that." Then she slaps him. Of course, that's all the aphrodisiac they need and there's no turning back. It's hot sex on a platter, people.
Back at Nathan's party, some kids screw with his toaster, which starts smoking. Haley's freaking out, of course. They body-surf Mouth through the room. She begs them to be careful. Eventually, she lands in front of Dim, Luke, and Peyton. She complains, "I cannot stop the madness!" Dim laughs. Peyton hands her a stiff drink, telling her she probably needs it. Haley drinks it down in one shot. The three of them were playing quarters, so when Brooke comes over with Nikki in tow, she notices this and says snottily, "I see you two are playing games, I'd watch out for them, they look like they might cheat." Lopsy-Topsy-Tipsy Nikki looks at Peyton and says, "Oh! You're still here. I thought you'd be running out to tuck in my kid." Peyton bites, and she knows she probably shouldn't, as all evidence of her high road evaporates the minute she sees Nikki's black-stained eyes: "Well, someone's got to." Nikki cuts back: "Yeah, well, hopefully it's not some slutty boyfriend thief." Brooke smirks and says that she'll drink to that. Is this the OTH version of Mean Girls, without the comedy? Because the whole girls-getting-into-it routine's already old; it was years old before we even got to this point in the series. Peyton doesn't back down, though, and her intentions are good. She says, "Why don't you do what you're good at and disappear." Nikki veers right off Insult Avenue and hops on the Crazy Train: "You got a problem?" Brooke tries to grabs her, but she chucks her off and steps right in Peyton's face. Peyton says, "Yeah, I do -- it's called you, bitch."
And watch out, people, because here it comes: the catfight. Nikki hauls off and slaps Peyton. Peyton slams into the wall and gives her a look that translates into something like, "You did not just do that!" And they're off -- give them some mud and a pit, and you've got a female wrestling match that could best the Olympics. It's nasty. Hair is pulled. Luke and Dim pull them off one another, only to have Nikki pick up a stool and throw it through the window. Of course, because the only way this party was going to end was in property damage that Nate doesn't have the money to pay for. They're back at it again. Other things break into matchstick pieces on the floor. Luke pulls Peyton off Nikki, AGAIN. Brooke actually jumps in this time to help get the two of them apart. Mouth stops the music dead. Brooke screams, "What the hell are you doing?" Haley and Luke hold Peyton. Nikki says, "Isn't this what you wanted?" Nikki scrambles against Dim, whose holding her tight and yelling, "Stop!" Luke points at the door and shouts, "You need to go!" Nikki wants the final word, though: "Well, isn't this sweet, Lucas Scott coming to the defence of his woman. Oh but wait, shouldn't that include someone else? Don't worry. I can keep a secret too." She giggles, and huffs, and puffs, and stumbles back into the room. Peyton turns around and faces Lucas: "What does she mean by that?" She's in near tears. "Lucas?" Luke says quietly, "She's the girl I met in the bar." Haley puts her hand up to her head and shakes it slowly. Peyton stands there as Brooke says, "Lucas Scott betrayal train, all aboard." Peyton brushes by him and says, "Unbelievable." , it's Brooke's turn: "And you called me easy." Thankfully, Nathan comes home at this point and sees the gigantic mess. Haley runs into his arms, apologizing. Of course, this is just the very time the cops show up asking whose house it is. Everyone's quiet for a minute. The cop says, "It's not going to be that hard to figure out, so you might as well speak up." Nathan tells him that it's his apartment. And that's the end of that party. The cop makes everyone go home. , he gets out a pad and starts writing Nathan a citation. Nathan shouts, "Me? I didn't do anything!" Luke shows up behind him and sees the whole thing. The cop starts talking about disturbing the peace, et cetera. Luke says, "Look, sir, he had nothing to do with this, he just got here." The cop turns to Luke and says, "It's his apartment. It's his responsibility." Now, after taking the high road all day, Nathan's mouth gets the best of him: "Great, I'm impressed. Did you learn that in detective school?" Oh, not a good idea; the cop chucks the cuffs on Nate and takes him down to the station. Now, that's the perfect ending to the perfect day.
Deb and Dan recline in bed after their tryst. They reminisce about old days. He asks if she remembers Christmas break their first semester. She says, "Yeah, we stayed on campus because I was afraid to tell my parents I was pregnant." Dan laughs: "We stayed in that dorm room for days." He remembers thinking the world wasn't out there, that it was just the two of them, blah being young, blah them against the world blah. But then the phone rings. Dan answers it, and someone at the other end tells him about Nate being in jail. Dan unhooks his arm from around Deb's head, and says okay. Deb asks him who it was, and he replies, "Well, that was the real world, and it's still out there." He pulls his hairy ass out of bed and continues, "I've got to go." Deb looks confused, but she doesn't say anything.
Dan bails Nathan out of jail just so he can lecture him. Of course, he yells all the way out of the building: "Bang-up job, Nathan. Every time I blink, you seem to sink to a new low. Part of me thinks I should have left you in there." Nathan storms ahead of him. He snits his reply: "Maybe you should have." Dan insists that "it's" over and Nathan's coming home. Nathan says, "Forget it." Dan says, "Now!" Dan grabs his arm and roughly handles his son. Nathan shouts, "No!" and wiggles out of his grip. Dan: "I brought you into this world, I promise I can take you out." Luke and Haley are there now, at the bottom of the stairs. Luke shouts, "Let him go." Dan snaps, "And the disappointments just keep on coming." He points at Luke: "You stay out of this." Luke says quietly, "Haley, go get an officer." She makes a slight move to the left, but ultimately doesn't go anywhere. Dan turns back to Nathan: "Now let me get this straight. Your mom has a fling, I get the cops to drop the charges, and now I'm the bad guy here?" Nathan says, "Dad --" Luke pipes up: "You might want to think twice before you start making a case for what a great father you've been." Dan snaps, "What do you know about me being a father." Luke says, "Exactly." Dan retorts, "Why don't you just shut up and go talk to your mom about what really happened between us back then." He turns back to Nathan and continues, "You want to ruin your life, go ahead. I'm done here." Dan storms off down the stairs. Luke looks up at his brother and says, "Come on, it's late, we'll take you home." Nathan slowly steps down the stairs, embraces Haley, and walks off with them.
Luke gets back home, and his mother's still awake. She tells him she can't sleep until he's home. He sits down at the table with her. They bond, like they always do. Blah it meant a lot to Keith, blah that he went to go see him, blah saccharine blah. They talk for a minute about his proposal. Blah she deserves to be happy, blah no one deserves it more blah -- but so does Keith. Blah he thought they could be happy together blah. Karen: "I love Keith very much, but I'm just not in love with him." He asks if she ever was. "I guess I never really let my heart ever completely go there, in part because he's been a very good friend. And sometimes, romance confuses a friendship." Um, yeah, does it ever -- see what happened to Luke and Peyton tonight? The Chad stretches his "skills" and wiggles his eyebrows before exhaling a "yeah," then sitting back and putting his hand up to his face: "I can't tell you what to feel in your heart." Pause. "It just sucks for Keith, that's all." He gets up and says, "Good night, Mom." And you know it's so not over there. And how much of this do you truly share with your kids? And how many of them would be as mature as The Chad? Yawn.
Nathan and Haley clean up back at his apartment. He says, "Don't worry about it." She puts her hands on her face and says, "I just never thought this many people would show up." Why? "Because why would they? It's just me." Nathan says calmly, "It kind of comes with the territory." What territory? "Popularity." She looks at him with her big doe eyes as he says, "This was just your coming out party." He's so calm, and so not mad at her, which is sweet and sensitive. Aw, they're cute.
The music montage continues as Peyton lies awake in bed. Brooke just walks into her bedroom like nothing has ever changed. She says, "Who knew Tutor Girl could throw such a rager." Peyton says quietly, "Who knew." Brooke lies down beside her. Peyton thanks her for sticking up for her. Brooke says, "Nikki was kind of my responsibility. I guess it was kind of a mistake to bring her." You think? "Judgment impaired by rage and cocktails, I admit it." Brooke turns to face Peyton and then says, "I'm sorry. I want to call a truce for real." Peyton says, "Friends again?" Brooke admits, "Just not enemies anymore." Pause. "I was thinking about Lucas, you know he's just a guy that makes mistakes like the rest of us." Peyton says, "Maybe. But it just feels so much worse when you expect more from somebody." Tears slide down Brooke's cheeks. But her mascara doesn't run. In fact, her makeup is perfect. She says, "Yeah, I know." Then she jokes, "So that Nikki bitch is crazy." Peyton: "Do you think it's possible you and I will ever get back to the way we were?" Brooke answers honestly, "It doesn't feel like it sometimes." Pause. "I'm so tired." Peyton says quietly, "Me too." How long do you think the truce will last? Until the prom? When Peyton wants to go with Lucas and Brooke sees them together again?
Keith shows up at the Café and tells Karen that he got the job. She smiles widely at him and tells him that she knew he would. He jokes that it was the tie. She says, "I think it was you." Keith's so happy. He's excited about his new job, and he's excited to be living his new life. When does he start? A couple weeks. Karen says quietly, "That soon?" He replies, "Yeah, that soon."
Dan shows up as Deb continues to pack up the rest of their lives together. He puts an envelope down on the coffee table and says that he'll give her the divorce. What changed his mind? Dan says, "I just realized the same thing I realized in the dorm room, that the real world's always going to be out there, and there's no going back." Deb drops his high school yearbook into the box as he walks away.
Across town, Keith drops the same one in to another box. He takes Karen's tie off (it was hanging around his shoulders) and drops it into the box too. Luke shows up. They share a moment.
Nathan works hard at the pretzel stand. He's hot and twisted, that one. But at least his pretzels are better.
Luke stands in front of the school and waits for Peyton, who walks by him. They say a gentle "hey" to one another. He says, "Look, I didn't know about Nikki and Jake until after I met her." Peyton keeps walking: "So she was just some stranger in a bar you slept with." She stops and turns around: "Lucas, you don't need to apologize. It's just that after all the stuff that you and I had been through, where my head and my heart was, I couldn't have just gone off and slept with someone." She continues, "You know, when we first met, I was with Nathan, and he was a pretty bad guy if you remember." Yeah. "I'm not doing that again. Who knew you two would switch places." Luke watches her walk off on the wet pavement. And feels his heart breaking into a million pieces again. Aw, poor baby. Yawn.
week on OTH: Peyton and Brooke gang up to ignore Luke, which might just be his worst nightmare. Karen tells Luke that Dan wanted joint custody of him when he was a kid. Nathan looks at web porn. Haley catches him, and then talks to Peyton about it. And Luke wonders whether or not he should hate Dan, if he did want him all along. Oh. The. Drama.
Only two more to go! How will it all end? My nails are bit to the quick in anticipation, people. They really are. What, you don't believe me?