Haley stands in the crowded gym while Mouth narrates, "Haley James stands in front of the basket with a flawless four-point-oh GPA hanging in the balance." She's wearing pyjamas and contemplating the basketball she's holding in her hands. Brooke and Peyton toss their pom-poms into the air. As they pan down the line of cheerleaders, Dim's there, twirling away with the rest of them. Heh. Sometimes this show has a good sense of humour. Mouth continues, "She's going to need this free throw to pass phys ed." Dim shakes his head with the beat. Luke's there with his tattoo covered up. Mouth: "Otherwise, her perfect grade point average is history." A shirtless Nathan says, "Come on, Hails, you can do it." I know it's illegal and everything, but Nate looks good with his shirt off. Yummy. Whitey shouts, "Don't miss it, Tutor Girl!" The basket looms. Haley dribbles, panics, dribbles again, and throws the ball; it barely passes the free throw line and then thuds to the ground. Heh. Instantly, Haley wakes up from her bad dream. She tosses off her covers and jumps up, rubbing her hand through her hair. I guess Haley needs to make the free throw pass just to pass gym. Remember when we all had to do the Canadian Fitness Challenge? Sit-ups, push-ups and pull-ups, and the 100-metre dash? I feel your pain, Haley, I really do.
At school the day (I'm assuming), Luke catches up to Peyton as she walks down a set of stairs. He asks how her father's doing. She replies that he's fine, thanks. Luke stops her mid-getaway-as-quick-as-she-can, and asks, "And, uh, how about with us?" Note: Luke's still wearing the necklace that Brooke gave him. Peyton replies, "Moment of weakness, right?" Only she mumbles so much that I think she's saying, "Mumble of bleakness, right?" She looks at Luke and continues, "I've been feeling guilty about it all weekend." He has too. She says, "Listen, why don't we just bury it and pretend it didn't happen, okay?" Luke squints and jumbles up his eyebrows. Somehow, I don't think that's the answer he's looking for, but he agrees with her, because denying your feelings is the only thing that's going to stop this train wreck of a situation. Or not. Brooke comes bounding up to the two of them and squeaks, "Hello friends!" She looks at Peyton: "Girl." She looks at Luke: "Boy." They do not even match her in terms if perkiness. Brooke asks, "What's the latest scandal?" Luke and Peyton look guiltily at one another. When they don't say anything, Brooke continues, "You two never have any good gossip." And whoa, isn't that ironic. Yawn. Brooke's motor mouth keeps on truckin': "Are we still re-doing your bedroom tonight?" Peyton says yes. Brooke turns to Luke and asks, "Are you up for some heavy lifting?" Luke stutters, "Well, I --" And Brooke finishes, "Would love to help." He agrees, with a reluctant smile. Brooke jokes, "You, me and Broody in your bedroom all night. The web cam pervs are going to love it." Oh boy. She's so perky that you know it's just going to end badly.
Deb and Dan are visiting Faux Florrie again. Dan looks so uncomfortable; he doesn't look at Deb or at the doctor. Deb explains that he has a son from a relationship. Dan snots, "She's known about this kid for years and all of a sudden it's grounds for separation." Deb ignores her belligerent husband and continues, "He joined Nathan's basketball team. That's when things got worse." Poor Ann Cusack. Her sister Joan gets to rock out with Jack Black, and she gets to counsel a real contender for Asshole of the Century. Faux Florrie says, "Dan, as I recall, you chose not to be a part of Lucas's life." Instead of answering the question, which might, oh, I don't know, further the healing of his relationship, Dan gets up and walks over to the wall, and starts slamming Florrie's degree because it's from Richmond University. And considering Dan never finished university, he's really not one to talk. But whatever, he gets off on making other people feel small instead of dealing with the issues. It's a good thing Faux Florrie's a trained professional. She responds to his sarcasm by saying, "We were talking about Lucas." Dan starts babbling on about a mountain climber who had his arm wedged under a boulder. He stares off into the distance like Will Ferrell used to do when he was being serious/funny on Saturday Night Live. Okay, so, everyone hold on for a minute, but Dan's using sports as a metaphor for his life: "His arm was caught beneath a thousand-pound rock so he cut it off just below the elbow using nothing but a pocket knife." Florrie turns around and looks at him. She's either aghast or feels like Dan's just made a breakthrough -- I can't figure out which. He says, "'Course, he had to break the bone first. Some people find that hard to believe, but it's simple really, he found himself faced with a difficult situation, and he did what he had to do to survive." Dan turns around to face the doctor. What I can't get over is that he just compared Lucas to a thousand-pound boulder weighing down on his shoulders. The birth of that child makes him feel like he had to cut off a limb in order to survive. How awful is that? Dan says, "I made a choice. To cut away that part of me that had me trapped. You can question my judgment if you want to, but the fact of the matter is you can never really understand it until it's you who's caught beneath the weight." He sits back down, and Florrie nods her head. Yes, she's thinking, breakthrough, definitely. Poor Karen -- can you think how much your heart would break to know that the father of your son feels that way about you and your baby? It's not natural to resent something that much; eventually you're supposed to get over these things and get on with your life. Deb asks quietly, "And was I a weight too, because I got pregnant shortly after Karen?" Pause. "How do you explain being with me and not her." Dan still hasn't looked at his wife. He answers honestly, "Because with you I saw a future."
Lucas stands in front of his gym locker, looking at himself in the small mirror that's inside. It's after practice, and he's putting away his jersey. There are boys taking showers. I'm imagining one of them is Jake! Don't spoil my fun by telling me he's not in this episode. Strummy contemplation music plays in the background as Luke takes off the necklace, drops it into his locker, and slams the door shut. Well, I guess that's the end of that -- it's Peyton he's always wanted; it's Peyton he still wants now. Of course, he runs into his true love outside the gym. He calls out to her; she turns around and says, "Oh, hey, Brooke had to take off early so she said for you to call her." The two of them are standing in an open hallway with lots of people milling about. He looks nervously to see who is around and asks if she's got a second. They stand very close together as she says, "What's up." Luke's voice cracks a little, and his got his "serious" face on -- you know, the one where he scrunches up his eyebrows and acts. He says, "I lied. Okay, I can't bury what happened between us." Peyton tries a half-hearted "Lucas, Brooke is my best friend and she's your girlfriend." He knows. But. "But nothing. That's where we're at right now. It's not fair to her to make a big deal out of what happened." Peyton looks down at her feet, because you know she's lying when she says, "It didn't mean anything." She looks upset and tries to leave quickly, but Lucas says, "Peyton!" Then he grabs her and kisses her right there in the middle of the hallway. She pulls away for a minute, and then goes back in for round two. When they come up for air, he says, "See. It does mean something." Peyton whisper-cries, "Lucas, I can't, you're dating Brooke." He says, "I know, and she's great, okay, but she's not you. Look, ever since you came to my room and you told me how you felt about me, I've been hiding with Brooke." Pause. Peyton's eyes get wider and wider, and he continues with his professing-the-love speech. "I've been trying not to get hurt again, I don't want to hide anymore." Peyton asks him quietly, "Even if we could be together what makes you think it would work?" Okay, I'll admit that this line made me tear up a little bit: "Because I feel it in my heart. Don't you?" She says quietly, "Yes." Pause. "So what are we going to do?"
Later that afternoon, Luke's in his bedroom typing on his computer when Haley knocks, and then comes in. She says, "What's up, loser?" Luke laughs and says hey, that he's just finishing up an email to his mom because she gets back tomorrow. Haley grabs a rubber ball on one of Luke's shelves and says, "Tell her I said hi, you're going to call me when she gets back from the airport, right?" Haley bounces the ball and then sits down on Luke's bed. She says, "So, I need to borrow a couple of things from you, like your basketball, and you." Luke stops typing. He turns around, "Okay. Why?" Haley admits, "Because I'm totally flagging P.E. and I need you to show me how to throw a stinking free shot." He corrects her: "Free throw." She says mockingly, "Whatever." Oh Haley, you are quirky, bright, and have a mind of your own -- two thumbs up to you going to your best friend and asking him to show you instead of playing the "girl" card and asking your boyfriend. Luke gets up, grabs his basketball, and says, "You know I'd love to, Hails, but I've got to do some stuff with Brooke and Peyton tonight." And thumbs down to you, Luke, for bailing on your best friend to hang out with your girlfriend and her best friend, your other girlfriend. He tosses the basketball at her as she asks, "Like what?" He answers, "I kind of need to talk to you about something." Haley asks Luke what's going on just as Brooke bounces into the room. Seeing Haley there, she says, "Hey Tutor Girl!" Haley says, "Tigger! What's up?" Luke brushes Haley off with a "rain cheque," and she leaves with a customary smart-ass remark: "You kids have fun!" Brooke pauses for a minute, looks at Luke kind of funny, and says, "Then let's go, boyfriend." Luke grabs his jacket and they're off to help Peyton fix her bedroom.
Keith walks down the hall and into Whitey's office. Is it strange how grown men are allowed to walk the hallways of the high school at random? Does no one question why they're there? Whitey looks up from reading his paper as Keith says, "What's the good word, Coach?" He puts the paper aside to reply, "There's no good word." Pause. "What brings you around here?" Keith comes in and closes the door; he's got his hand inside his jacket, protecting a bottle: "Oh, a victory celebration." Whitey asks, "What's the celebration?" Keith replies, "I thought you might like to toast your five hundredth win." Whitey pulls out two mugs he keeps hidden in his desk for just such an occasion, while Keith pulls the whiskey out of his coat. Whitey: "Four-ninety-nine. I haven't won the last one yet." Well, as if that's going to stop the two of them from having a snort. Keith says that he just wants to beat the rush. Heh. Whitey: "I guess this could serve as dual toast." Why's that? "I'm thinking of stepping down." Keith looks stunned, and Whitey comments on this. Whitey laughs and says, "A fellow can't coach forever." Keith says honestly, "And he can't quit while he still loves the game." There are trophies and pictures of teams all over the office. Whitey surveys them as he and Keith have their conversation. Whitey says, "Who says I love it?" Keith: "You do, every time you step out onto that court. This game is what keeps you young." You know, they've stopped playing basketball on this damn show. Instead, they just talk about playing basketball. Enough philosophical meandering about whether or not to throw the damn ball, and just take a deep breath and start tossing it around the court. I'm sick of hearing about it already. Blah Hamlet blah. Keith says, "Without it you'd be off somewhere battling wearing a dress." Whitey jokes, "You haven't seen me at home." They laugh. Whitey picks up a picture of his wife and continues his retrospective: "I promised myself I'd coach for twenty years. Then, Camilla and I would start living. Thirty-five years later, and here I am."
Haley's by herself at the River Courts. She's dribbling the ball, but it's that girly "use the whole of your hand and just slap the ball" kind of dribbling. She takes a deep breath and tosses the ball into the air, hoping for the best. It doesn't even come close to hitting the board or dropping through the net; it's pure air. Nathan catches the ball before it bounces way, way off the court and jokes, "Was that your jump shot? Because if that was your jump shot, I can't date you anymore." She laughs nervously. He continues, "My mom said you'd be here, something about a grade." Haley says, "You cannot be here right now." Why not? "Because I look stupid." She crosses her arms over her chest. Nathan jokes, "You realize I've seen you in that crocheted poncho thing you wear, right?" Heh. Finally, someone else notices the crazy thrift-store-gone-mad styles they saddle poor Haley with. He hands her back the basketball. She says, "Come on, this is embarrassing. I want you to think that I'm not embarrassing." He says honestly, "You don't embarrass me Haley." She gives him a bit of attitude, and then throws the ball to prove her point. He catches it, and says, "Okay, I take that back." Haley: "I can't do it." Nathan stands beside her and gives her some pointers. Then he stands behind her, puts his hands on her hips, and says, "Now just shoot." And off goes the ball again, but this time, she actually manages to get the ball closer to the rim. Nathan smiles, "See, that wasn't perfect, but it also wasn't embarrassing." He goes to retrieve the ball and continues, "It's actually kind of sexy." Haley can't help but smile. Wow, it's a whole new Nathan. He's a completely different kid from the beginning episodes; he's lost that whole jackass follow-in-his-father's-footsteps arrogant manner too. It's actual character development, versus Luke's "will I" or "won't I" emotional wavering.
Deb hands a customer some change while Keith acts as busboy for a minute. He compliments her on the "one hell of a job" she's done while Karen's been away. She thanks him, and then follows him back into the kitchen. He fiddles with a tea towel, wraps it around his fist, and then says, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm just really excited about Karen coming back." Not to worry, she is too. Then he asks what's up with her and Dan. Deb replies, "Oh, well, we're going to therapy, but I'm not sure if we can find our way back." To where? "The people we used to be. We used to laugh more; we were kind to each other." She shrugs her shoulders and continues, "We were in love." He asks what about now. Deb honestly doesn't know. And at least she's being honest about the situation, because you know somewhere Dan's got a game plan for his relationship in the playbook he keeps handy for all life situations. The Get Out of My Marital Difficulties super-play that has him ducking and dancing around the big old court we call life. Yawn.
Speaking of Dan, he's taking a walk down the beach when an attractive woman comes racing toward him, chasing her hat. She screams, "A little help!" Dan bends down and picks it up for her just as she reaches him. The waves crash in the background. Her hair blows. I'm waiting for the music before they start to rip their clothes off and get busy right there on the beach. She introduces herself as "Kerry." He introduces himself as "Dan." She says coyly, "I was wondering what the name of the attractive man who jogs passed my bungalow every morning was." He smiles -- flattery will get her anywhere with him -- if it's one thing Dan needs, it's a bloody ego boost. Brother. He teases, "Yeah? And what was it?" She smiles and brushes her hair off her face. So, what's she doing on his beach? She goes in for the kill: "I hear it's a great place to pick up guys." He jokes, "Only the light ones." So why the played-down flirtation, Dan? If she was a waitress, he'd be all over her -- I guess that's the difference. He tries to brush her off: "It was a pleasure meeting you, even with the ugly hat." But she's not buying it; she's got her eyes on Dan's prize. She stops him and says, "The yellow cottage is mine, come by and see me sometime." Kerry puts her ugly straw hat back on and looks approvingly at him as he walks away. Could he actually have some feelings? Could he be feeling sorry for himself and missing Deb? Could he be examining his life? Holy crap! Could he be -- and don't kill me for saying this -- human?
Brooke and Luke arrive at Peyton's. They actually knock on the door instead of just barging right in. Peyton answers the door wearing a red t-shirt and looking kind of uncomfortable. Brooke barges right in as if nothing's wrong and says, "Let's do some damage!" Lucas hangs around as Peyton steps outside. She says, "We're going to hell." And no truer words have ever been spoken. "No honestly, we're horrible rotten people." Brooke calls from inside, "Come on you two, let's go!" Peyton tells Luke that she doesn't want to hurt Brooke. Blah neither does Luke, blah they have to tell her, blah love triangle, blah complications blah. Yes, they have to tell her, and yes, they have to do it tonight. With consciences weighing about as much as the ocean itself, Luke and Peyton go inside after Brooke screams, "Let's go!" again. I have a hard time believing that someone as socially savvy as Brooke doesn't see what's going on. But whatever, if that's what TPTB want me to believe, then I'll hook my belief back up and try to be a positive, contributing member of the Recappers' Association of TWoP. ["'Positive'? Heh." -- Sars]
An album plays on the turntable, and I'm glad of one thing -- that Peyton makes the effort and listens to vinyl. I'm not so glad of this hokey situation that has them redecorating while wearing stylish designer clothes. I mean, who paints in their art-house, eighty-dollar t-shirts? Whatever. Brooke bounces around the room and says to Luke, "Okay, Broody, show us what you've got." He lifts up Peyton's bed and moves it out of the room. Once it's completely out of the doorway, Brooke bounces over and closes the door. When did Brooke become the girl who's always in a good mood? It's tiring just typing bouncy-here, bouncy-there. Anyway, it's time for a girl-to-girl: "Wanna hear a secret? I know you do!" Peyton attempts to stop her before she starts, but it's hopeless: "I'm falling for him. Big-time." Peyton doesn't say anything; well, Brooke really doesn't give her any time to say anything before blabbing on: "Speechless! I know you are, it's crazy, right? This is like l-o-v-e, mad crushed out, I am in big trouble." Peyton smiles; she doesn't really say anything, and she for sure doesn't say anything about her and Luke. Plus, why is it Peyton's responsibility to say anything anyway? How come Luke's such a coward and just can't tell Brooke himself?
Before Peyton can continue, Brooke asks what's playing on the stereo. It's Teagan and Sarah. Silly Peyton, she knows that, but what's the song called. In a poignant, how-art-reflects-life moment, Peyton answers, "'Don't Confess.'" Is it okay if I burst out my protective footwear? Because heavy objects are going to start falling from the sky and instead of "Acme," they're going to read "Irony" and "Happenstance." Please, can someone kill me now? Luke comes back into the room, and Peyton makes some lame excuse about forgetting to buy paintbrushes. Then the excuse gets even lamer as she pretends to not feel too well just to get rid of them. Luke looks confused, because he wants to sit down and talk to Brooke about the two of them, and Peyton's obviously chickening out. Brooke says, "Well, how about we do it tomorrow night after Lucas's mom gets back?" Peyton gives a clipped "fine" as her answer, while looking poignantly at Luke. Brooke, of course, doesn't notice any of it, but whatever -- I'll play along with the whole denial thing. She tells Luke that he can buy her a hot chocolate, teases Peyton about getting thinner and not barfing too much, and then she bounces out of the room. Luke holds out his arms in the universal gesture for what-the-fuck, and Peyton says honestly, "I can't do this to her. I just can't." Luke looks at her for a minute, and then leaves.
A little bit later, Luke and Brooke are walking after getting their hot chocolate. Which he bought with the money from the part-time job he never seems to go to anymore. Of course, Brooke's all sappy in that it's-cold-and-I-like-my-boyfriend kind of way as she says, "Have I told you lately how much I like you?" Of course, everyone has conveniently forgotten about the phone "love yous" that happened last week, but whatever -- it seems that manipulating time is just a fringe benefit to living in Tree Hill. He doesn't answer in the cute way you're supposed to answer a question like that; instead he says, "Why?" Brooke replies, "Why do I tell you?" He says, "No. Why do you like me?" She says cutely, "Ah, pity mostly." Why is he so quiet tonight? Luke lies and says it's because he's anxious about his mom coming back tomorrow. Somewhere, a loud red buzzer goes off indicating that that's the wrong answer. Luke needs to run around the world backwards and take that back. He needs to grab whatever part of his manhood has developed thus far in his life and say, "Brooke, look, you're great, and this was great, but I have real feelings for Peyton, and I'm so sorry." Brooke needs to cry and scream, and then we can all get on with our lives because dragging this triangle out, stretching it so thin that it will eventually stop holding the show together, needs to stop.
Anyway. Brooke says she's anxious about Karen's return too. They stop walking for a minute so Luke can ask her why she's anxious. Brooke replies, "Because I want her to like me, and she sounds really cool. And I'm not that close to my mom, so I thought it would be great if I hit it off with yours." Luke takes a sip from his cardboard cup. Lord, nothing in television and film production drives me crazier than actors acting with empty cups. How hard is it to fill them up with something -- anything liquid would do. It looks so fake when they're walking around with flimsy paper cups that are so obviously not full of hot chocolate. Rant over. Brooke says, "Can't control love, you know?" Huh? She continues, "Your mom and Keith, you're worried about their relationship, right?" He nods. Brooke says, "It'll be okay." She puts her arms around his neck and continues, "People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end." And you'd better put on a hard hat too; it's coming down pretty damn hard around here. Luke smiles at her, and she pops his nose with her gloved hands. They continue down the street holding hands, Brooke in love, love, love and Luke feeling like he needs to saw something off with a pen knife.
Haley does her homework at Karen's Café, and she's darn frustrated about it because she rips off the piece of paper and balls it up tight. Then, just to prove a point, she tries to toss it into the wastebasket. Of course, it circles the rim and falls off, not even close to the basket. Ah, poor Haley, she's terrible at all forms of basketball. Peyton comes in and says hey, that she was hoping Haley would be there. Haley asks her what's up, and Peyton replies, "Um, Actually I need some advice, and I didn't have anybody to talk to." Haley jokes, "And Brooke's not around?" Peyton hangs her head, and Haley continues, "Ah, sorry. Where's the rest of your minions?" Huh? "You're like the queen of the hive." Um, yeah, since when, because all we've ever seen of Peyton is her brooding around, drawing. But whatever, now she is a popularity queen with tonnes of friends. Anyway. She doesn't have anyone to really talk to -- hence the visit tonight. They walk over to a couch and sit down. Haley asks, "So what's on your mind?" Peyton says, "You know when you first realized you liked Nathan and you knew Lucas would flip out? How'd you deal with that?" Haley doesn't fall for the like-minded situation ploy; she goes right to the heart of the issue and asks what's going on. Peyton makes a lame excuse, and then Haley continues, "I sort of asked myself repeatedly if this thing with Nathan was really worth losing my best friend over." Pause. "Plus, if Lucas was really my best friend than he should just be happy for me." She jokes, "Plus, it's not like he was dating Nathan." Peyton laughs nervously. Haley asks if Peyton's sure she's okay; she says she is and gets up to leave. My goodness, that was the shortest friend-to-friend advice session I've ever seen. It's like those 45-second dating nights, only the bell went off in Peyton's head instead of in the room.
Whitey contemplates his "Life List." Now, someone had better call Oprah, because this man needs a lesson in how to write out his goals. An old piece of paper says, "Coach for 20 years. Win 500 games. Make a difference." And that's it -- that's all Whitey wanted from life. The voice in his head reads the goals out loud. Nathan knocks on the door and says, "You wanted to see me?" Okay, that's strange, because he's wearing the sweatshirt he had on yesterday when he helped Haley with her basketball. It's a huge affair with "Atlanta" emblazed in yellow lettering across the chest; it's hard not to notice. I wonder if they shot this scene the same day and then decided to move it around in editing, because it's bright outside like it's the day, and not the same day. But whatever, it doesn't really matter -- time is a foreign concept on this show anyway. Whitey turns around to face Nathan and says, "That was an interesting meal the other night, wasn't it?" Yes, yes it was. Whitey stands up: "Tell me something, Nathan. Have I made a difference to you?" What do you mean? "I mean being on this team. Me rattling on all the time, have you learned anything?" Not one for metaphorical answers, Nathan replies, "I, ah, move my feet better on defence." That's not really what he was looking for, so Whitey gives up and says, "There's a couple of new plays in that folder that you missed out on." When Nathan picks it up, he folds the "Life List" inside -- circumstance or happenstance? Hum, I wonder. Yawn. Before he leaves Whitey's office, Nathan turns back and says, "Coach, I just wanted to say thanks for letting me back on the team." Whitey lifts his hands in an odd kind of salute, and Nathan leaves.
Now, Haley and Nathan are practicing basketball, and it's morning, because she says, "Okay, today's the day and I still suck." Is it before school again? Are we already on another day? Because the clock in Whitey's office said five after nine in the morning just a few minutes ago, so it can't be the same day. Oh boy, I'm going to drive myself crazy thinking about this stuff. Anyway, Dan comes up behind the two of them and asks, "What's this?" Nathan holds the basketball and says, "Hey, Dad, I'm just giving Haley a few pointers." Dan greets Haley. The oil slides off his tongue. Ew. Dan says, "So Nathan, I thought we'd grill up some steaks at the beach house for dinner, just the two of us." Nathan says, "Sounds great, Dad, but Haley and I have plans tonight." Okay. Some other time? Yeah. It's strange to see Nathan trying to get rid of his dad, but I guess it's not surprising. Dan doesn't leave, though; he stands there, wanting to talk to his son: "I heard you were back on the team. I think that's a good move." Nathan gives him a clipped "yeah" but doesn't really encourage anymore conversation. Dan says curtly, "So how's my house?" Well, neither Haley nor Nathan knows how to answer that question, so they don't say anything. Then Dan just leaves, greasing away on the slick of oil he rode in on. Haley says, "I'm sorry, you should go with your dad tonight if you want." He doesn't want to go with his dad. He wants to be with her. He walks back over underneath the basket and says, "Now knock down this shot like I know you can." Oh, poor Haley, she so can't knock down the shot -- not even remotely. She sort of half-jumps, half-jacks in the air and flails her arms all over the place. The ball doesn't even go near the basket. In a sweet, sweet way, Nathan says, "That's okay. This calls for drastic measures. You'll be fine. Let's try it Granny-style."
Get ready for the Tree Hill montage…
Keith prepares the house for Karen's homecoming. He puts some nice flowers into a vase and sets them on the kitchen table. Then he ponders his future.
Whitey stands in front of Camilla's grave with some yellow roses of his own. He places them on her gravestone, and ponders his past.
Nathan looks through the folder that Whitey gave him and finds the Life List. He reads it, and ponders his future.
Haley bounces the ball in front of the basket, ponders the basket for a minute, and then tosses it granny-styles right into the hoop. The girls cheer her on. She turns, faces the camera, and -- you guessed it -- smiles at herself for actually doing it.
Nathan walks down the hallway. Haley joins him, smiling. She says, "I so owe you." He looks down at her and says, "Good. Because I need a favour."
The let's-ponder-ponder-ponder music plays as Keith saunters up to Dan, who is dumping charcoal onto the grill. It fades as he says, "I, ah, just came to check on you, you know, considering the throwdown with Mom and Dad and everything." It's a peace offering. But Dan doesn't take the olive branch. In fact, he downright abuses his brother over the few minutes of conversation. I guess that's easier. Dan says, "Oh, so now you're concerned about me, after bringing Whitey to my house last week to antagonize me." Keith didn't think it would hurt. "No, Keith, you knew it would, that's why you did it." Keith: "Okay, whatever, Danny, I just came by to see if you were doing okay, my mistake." Dan goes in for the kill: "Yet another one by you." Keith can't resist the gauntlet thrown down: "You know, it's no wonder you're all alone out here." Dan snots, "You're right, Keith, I am alone, now, but you're alone period. And do you want to know why? Because you're malicious." Snort. As if that's not the pot calling the kettle black. Keith's no more malicious than a Labrador Retriever -- he's a sweet guy who just wants the best for the people around him, and he's not alone. He has Karen, Lucas, Whitey, and even Deb to an extent.
But whatever, Dan needs to make himself feel better. He continues, "You bring Whitey to my house, put Lucas on the basketball team, so it's no wonder I'm out here by myself, it's almost as if you planned it that way." Holy crap. Are there people this deluded out there? Keith steps forward and rebukes his brother: "Easy on the conspiracy theories, Danny, maybe you want to take a look in the mirror." Keith turns to leave, but Dan's still in a fighting mood: "So where you running off to now?" Keith says quietly, "The airport." Dan says snidely, "Right. Still living that lie, huh? Unless of course you and Karen are a couple." Keith replies, "As a matter a fact, after tonight, we will be." Dan snots, "Wow. High school fantasies really do come true. Oh, you always had a thing for her, even when I was with her." Dan walks over to the barbeque, grabs the lighter fluid, and, in a bit of not-so-subtle metaphor, adds fuel to the fire: "But you should ask yourself one question, Keith. If you weren't good enough for her then, what makes you think you'd be good enough for her now." Keith doesn't reply, he just walks away -- trying not to let Dan get to him, but you know he did. In fact, the minute that Dan cockily touched the lighter to the fuel, you knew Keith was done for.
Keith shows up at the Café, and Deb says brightly, "Three hours to Karen!" Keith walks over and sits down on the bar: "Ask me what mistake I just made." She bites. He says, "I, ah, just went to see Dan." Deb looks aghast as she asks why. Heh. Keith thought Dan could use someone to talk to, but he's a miserable SOB. Deb says, "I'm sorry. He doesn't do well when he's alone." Keith says, "Sure. There's no one to tear down when he's alone, except himself." Deb asks if he's hungry; Keith says no, but that he could do with a beer. Deb says, "Three hours to Karen?" Exactly. That's why he could use a "breezer." I didn't know Karen's Café was licensed, but whatever. Deb hands him the bottle as he tells her the story about Karen kissing him the day she left. He says, "It's funny. I feel like I'm just about to start the life I always wanted, and it's three hours away. I'm scared as hell." And there we go again: hardhat, protective footwear, and Hazmat suit. I should be safe from whatever starts falling from the sky as each character's hopes and dreams come crashing down around me in a fit of Alanis Morissette's brand of irony. Deb says, "Ah, it couldn't happen to two better people. You're going to be fine." Keith takes a swig of the last beer he's ever going to drink, because you know it's so not going to be fine.
Kerry, the oh-so-very, comes sauntering up Dan's boardwalk, chiding him for not inviting her for dinner. She leans against the railing and leers at him like he's the steak and she's the lion. Ew. Dan hesitates for a minute, and then says, "Actually, you're right on time. Would you care to join me?" Yeah, she'd like that -- of course she would. What time is it? It's so not dinner time if the sun's totally shining and Deb's still serving people lunch, but whatever.
Nathan and Haley are in the library, doing research. I guess they're investigating Whitey and his career, because she says, "Did you know Whitey's first name is Brian?" The pair searches through online newspapers for information. Haley tells Nathan to come and look, because she's found a site with Whitey's whole record before coming to Tree Hill. Nathan looks over her shoulder, and the screen shows an article with a young Whitey smiling. Heh. The headline says, "Coach Durham has successful first season." Haley says, "I'm going to get something to drink, do you want something?" First of all, they don't let you have drinks in a library, no matter where you are, and second of all, what's the point of finding out information about Whitey before he got to Tree Hill? Are they writing his biography? Of course, it's all a ruse so Haley can run across Peyton and Lucas, who come around the stacks and stand sort of up against one of them. She says, "It's just wrong, sneaking around behind Brooke." He asks, "Do you think that's part of it?" Blah if it feels wrong, blah makes it deeper blah. Peyton says, "Lucas, Brooke and I have been best friends since elementary school. We've always put our friendship before guys. Do you really think that I'd risk losing my best friend for a fling? Because I wouldn't do that." See, Geppetto, she really does have a heart. I think she's a real girl now, a girl who loves a boy. Luke says, "Okay, look, I don't want to hurt Brooke, and I don't want to come between the two of you -- but I have to be with you." And bam, their lips are like magnets, nothing can tear them apart. Oh boy, and there's Haley, pop in hand, staring at the two of them as they cheat on poor, innocent Brooke. The same Brooke who tried to break up Nathan and Haley before they even started; the same Brooke who said Lucas was fair game; the same Brooke who went after Jake! and thought he was gay when he rejected her; yes, that same Brooke. And while they're not going about it in remotely the right way, everyone makes a bad decision in the romance department now and again, and I'll defend Lucas a little by saying he's always felt this way about Peyton. Now he just needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself. It's not that complicated. Really, it's not.
Dan and Steamy Kerry have moved inside the house now. The sun's gone down, and the loving is about to begin. But wait! Dan opens up a drawer to find a corkscrew, and he sees a picture of him and Deb looking happy at the beach house. Now that just throws him for a loop. Kerry jokes, "You'd better find one or you'll never get me drunk." Ew. I should spell her name with a "C" and call her "Carrie the Cougar." Maybe we can start a breakfast cereal for desperate, pathetic women who throw themselves at married men. Dan pauses for a minute. He looks at the picture, and Kerry wonders what's up. He apologises, and then says, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a great person, Kerry, but I have a wife I love very much." Her off-the-shoulder shirt almost reveals her entire left breast, and holy breast, Batman. Whew. Kerry slithers up to him and says, "That's a coincidence, because I also have a husband that I love very much" -- which is cougar code for "let's get it on" -- "but then again our spouses aren't here, are they." And the bad timing just keeps on ticking, because it's from Kerry's lips to God's ears as Deb walks in and sees Dan there with her, candles lit, about to make out. Kerry says, "Or maybe one of them is." Deb's shock just sort of hangs there in the room, as Dan looks guilty as sin. Kerry says quietly, "I, ah, guess I'll go." Dan says, "Deb." But she doesn't say anything, and her face looks like her heart would if you could actually see it breaking.
Luke's putting on his shoes in his bedroom when Haley storms in. He mumbles something about having to pick up his mom, but Haley's not there to chat. She bitches, "What is going on with you and Peyton?" Not knowing he's about to be ambushed, he says innocently, "Nothing." Haley snaps, "So you guys weren't together recently?" Still playing dumb, Luke says, "No, why, did you talk to Peyton?" Haley snots, "Why are you trying to figure out what lie to tell me ?" Luke says, "I wanted to tell you, Hails, that we've been --" She shouts, "Yeah, I know you've been because I saw you kissing her, which is a pretty jackass move considering you have a girlfriend named Brooke." Now Luke begins to raise his voice: "I know that, Haley. Don't lecture me." She barks, "So stop it!" He yells back, "I can't! It's complicated." Haley bitches, "It's not complicated. It's simple. It's really simple! What you're doing is wrong. And if you can't see that, I don't like the person you're becoming." Luke starts shouting loudly now: "The person I'm becoming? God? What about the person you're becoming!" What does he mean by that? "Nathan says a few nice things to you to get back at me, and you fall for it." She throws her hand up into the air: "God! If I hear that one more time!" She screams, "You know that I did that for you!" Luke scoffs, "You did that for me? Is that what you tell yourself every time you're kissing him? You're the one who's lying. If you're looking for betrayal, look to yourself!" And with all the melodrama her soap opera days have prepared her for, BJL storms out, saying, "You know what, Luke. The time you see me, don't talk to me." He shouts, "Fine!" She shouts, "Fine," and then slams the door. Luke tosses whatever he had in his hand across the room in anger and huffs about for a minute. Perhaps he's mad because she got the last word? Or because he knows she's right. But do we really care?
Deb still hasn't said anything. The candles burn in the foreground as Dan says, "It was completely innocent." Yeah, because steak, mood lighting, and red wine all scream "platonic!" Nice try, Dan. He's not listening to me, though; he's assuming that the "truth" is in the telling and not in the actions: "She has a beach house. I had an extra steak." Deb adds with clenched teeth, "And a bottle of wine." Dan admits he was lonely for some company. She turns to face him: "I'm lonely too, Dan, but I'm not off frolicking with the pool boy." He condescends, "Conversation, Deb, remember, like we used to have." And again, not the best way to handle the situation, honey, because that seems to make Deb even angrier: "So, it's my fault, my deficiencies as a conversationalist have driven you to dine with beach whores." Damn, does Deb ever get the really fun lines, eh? He says quietly, "Are you hungry?" Ha! As if! Only a man would think it's okay to ask his wife to stay for a dinner that he was making for another woman. Holy crap. Rightfully, Deb starts to walk away, and he begs her not to go, he even shows her the picture. Then he says, "Those two people were happy. They loved each other." Deb says, "The hurricane that fall washed half the beach away." He says, "Yeah." She continues, "And took those people with it." He asks her not to go, but she leaves anyway, even when he says quietly, "I love you."
Whitey packs up his office. He takes down the pictures and put them into a box. It's 7:30 PM by the clock on the wall. At least continuity got something right this episode. Nathan walks into Whitey's office holding the Life List and says, "So you're just going to quit, huh? Five hundred games and walk away." Whitey kids, "You were in the library." That is, until Nathan hands him the piece of paper -- ah, I see, they needed the records to see how many games Whitey's coached. Now, it makes sense. Whitey says, "The temperature must have dropped in hell." He takes the piece of paper, sees what it is, and then continues, "I promised Camilla I'd win five hundred games and walk away." Pause. "We were going to grow old together." Nathan doesn't even skip a beat: "You're already old, Coach." Heh. Like mother, like son. He continues, "Besides, who's going to yell at me, huh?" Whitey: "I'm not supposed to yell at ya, Nathan, you're supposed to learn things." Nathan argues, "But what fun would that be? You love to yell at me." Whitey continues to pack up as he shouts, "I do not!" Nathan shouts, "Yes! You do, you love to yell at me, and I love to make you yell." And right on cue, Whitey shouts, "Well, if you'd listen to me once in a while, you knucklehead." Point proven, Nathan nods. And then he says, "Not many coaches win five hundred games." Whitey points out that not many high school coaches win that many games. Do you know why? Because they move on to bigger and better things: to games that matter. He tears up. Nathan calls Whitey's bluff: "That's a bunch of crap, Coach, and you know it. These are the games that matter. They matter to kids who are just trying to figure themselves out, figure out who they're going to be." Pause. "The other day you asked me if you made a difference, and you have, at least with me." Nathan starts to leave, but before he goes, Whitey says poignantly, "Son, at some point you've got to do it on your own." With equal emotion, Nathan says, "Yeah, at some point, but we both know I've got a long way to go." He gets all choked up as he says, "Just don't give up on me." Woda's got tears in his eyes, that old softie -- ah, we love you, Whitey, don't go! You make a difference to us! You totally do.
Dan races toward Deb in his asshole-mobile. He leaves a message telling her that he's coming over, he wants to talk to her.
The montage music starts again; it's a record, the second one tonight. Usually they just save this stuff up for the end.
Whitey looks at his list. He contemplates his future, scratches out the five hundred, and replaces it with six hundred. Then he unpacks his "Coach Durham" placard and begins to put his pictures back up on the wall.
Brooke and Peyton stand in front of her newly decorated room. They've put up a large photograph of hundreds of kids smiling. Brooke says, "It's like they're all judging you -- you can't hide in here anymore." She turns to face Peyton and says happily, "Lucas should be here soon." Peyton works up some courage. She says, "Brooke, you're my best friend." So? "No, I mean it, you're my best friend, you know that, right?" Of course she does. Brooke says, "What drugs are you on and can I have some?" Oh boy, if she only knew -- it's the love drug and she's having a hard time kicking it. Peyton: "Brooke, I have something I need to tell you."
Nathan and Haley are lying on her bed. Nathan turns on his side, while Haley lies on her back. He asks her what's wrong. She tells him that she had a little disagreement with Lucas. He asks, "About me?" Haley quickly replies, "No, um, just the way he's been acting. He's really disappointing me." Nathan lies on his back and chuckles. What? Nathan says, "Nothing, that's just a little ironic." Haley asks him what's ironic. He replies, "Lucas, being a jerk." How is that ironic? Nathan says, "That used to be my role, right, I mean this whole thing started because I was just trying to mess with Lucas." And I don't know if he realizes how much his saying that bothers Haley, because she turns her head away, and seems concerned.
Deb hangs a "Welcome Home Karen" banner up at the Café. Dan comes in and says, "I, ah, need to come home." Deb cries, "No, no." Deb. "Don't, Dan. There's nothing you can say anymore. I want a divorce."
Luke and Keith drive toward the airport. Blah he's excited, blah he can't wait to see Karen, blah he can't believe that she's coming back, blah feels like yesterday, blah he was kissing her at the airport blah. Luke says, "You kissed my mother." Keith says, "I was saying goodbye." Luke jokes, "Can you do me a favour and keep the PDA to a minimum." This coming from the kid who made out with Brooke at the bar in front of the whole world while drunk, but whatever, it's actually a typical teenage reaction, eh? Keith smiles. They bond. Blah they love each other blah. They come to a stop light, the lights at the intersection change, Keith sees the green light, and assumes he can go -- except the left turn light is red. Dan's at the intersection as well. Keith turns, and in a split second a car horn blares as an SUV directly hits the truck. Luke's right in the path of impact as the cars drag to a rolling stop. Dan hops out of his truck. He screams, "Keith!" Keith stumbles out of the car, moaning. Dan rushes over and helps him out of the car. Keith screams, "Lucas! Get Lucas!" Dan climbs into the car, puts his hands on Luke's neck, and feels for a pulse. Luke's head is rolled back, and there's blood coming out of his ear, dripping from his mouth. Well, so much for high school fantasies coming true. Seems like Keith's hopes and dreams have been dashed in an instant.
Take a deep breath; we've got a couple of minutes to compose ourselves, it's the commercials.
Keith moans on the pavement. Dan climbs back out and tries his cell phone. It doesn't work. Surprisingly, no one else's does either. And I guess the people are all dead in the other car, because nary a peep's coming from over there. Keith screams, "Is Luke okay?" Dan replies, "He's going to be okay, Keith." Dan runs around to the passenger side of the truck and rips the door off. That's right, he rips the door off with his bare hands. He reaches inside and pulls Luke out of the seat. Yes, it's not like he was just in car accident or anything and, oh, might have a neck or back injury -- because that's not at all what happens on impact. Oh, no, it's fine; Dan can play Rescue Worker and pluck Luke right out of the vehicle without stabilizing his neck or his back. What-freaking-ever. It's bad enough the show's taking the cheap route by having this accident in the first place; we now have to see a totally ridiculous, absolutely inconceivable response to it at the same time. Anyway, Dan hauls a limp, puppet-like Luke out of the car and carries him to his own truck.
At some point, he must have picked Keith up too, because in the scene, we see Dan squealing into Emergency with his brother in the passenger seat. Dan hops out of the car and grabs Lucas from the back seat; he carries him into the hospital, screaming, "I need a doctor! My brother's in the car, he needs some help." The doctors and nurses are there with a gurney. One of them says, "What happened?" Dan replies, "Car accident!" He lies Luke down on the bed: "He was at the point of impact." The doctor doesn't even examine him. He yells something about a chest tube and cross-typing blood. Then he says, "He's going to need surgery." Dan says, "Do whatever you need to do, doc." And again, the Emergency doctor hasn't even examined Lucas. How in the hell would he know that he needs surgery? "He's a minor?" Dan answers yes. The doctor says, "You're his legal guardian?" Dan says quietly, "He's my son." And all that's just for Dan to admit that Luke's his kid? The doctors roll Luke away into his magical surgery for the magical injuries no one even knows the true extent of yet, and Dan stands at the end of the long hallway, staring down at his flesh and blood. Does no one on the writing staff actually watch ER? Don't they know how this stuff's supposed to be done?
Karen arrives home from Italy looking hot, hot, hot with a new haircut and a beautiful scarf around her neck. She looks around for Keith and Lucas, but doesn't see either of them.
A second emergency doctor examines Keith's head, tells him that he's got a concussion but he'll be fine. The doctor asks, "How much have you had to drink today?" Oh, brother -- you're telling me one beer, one freaking beer, was the cause of that accident and not the huge pieces of metal falling from the sky? Please. How silly is this episode? Really?
In the ER -- or in Surgery, I can't tell which because Luke's still wearing all of his clothes, like no one had to remove them to listen to his chest or see what's going on, if he's bleeding anywhere else or anything -- a nurse puts him out. Doctors race down the hallway as Keith sits waiting for news. He stands up and pulls a cell phone out of his pocket -- one that Dan could have easily used to call 911, but whatever -- and speed-dials someone. Only you're not supposed to use cell phones in the hospital at all; however, we're obviously not going for reality this episode.
Karen stands nervously looking around. The intercom says, "Karen Rowe to the nearest white courtesy phone. Karen Rowe to the white courtesy phone." Karen rolls her luggage over and picks up the phone: "This is Karen Rowe."
And the surgery's in full swing now. Exactly what are they operating on? What are they operating for? Does he have internal bleeding? Does he have pressure on the brain they need to remove? Is his freaking back broken because Dan shouldn't have moved him? Good grief. The doctors prepare to open Luke up when the monitor flatlines and his heart stops beating. They focus on the "asystole" and the blinking "0" for a minute before we fade to black. I guess we just don't know if Luke's going to live or die. Yawn. Considering that the entire show was conceived around him, I think not. But anyway, who am I to judge a totally out-of-the-blue ridiculous stunt that screams "sweeps!"? For a minute, I thought I was watching The Practice again. TPTB had better redeem themselves week or there will be hell to pay.
week on One Tree Hill: They operate. The screen goes fuzzy. Peyton gets a call that there's been an accident. Karen cries, "I won't lose him." And Brooke says, "I'm just worried he's not going to wake up." Haley says, "He's going to make it, right?" Oh boy, as if he's not bloody going to make it. Let's hope they get back on the basketball track, because at least then the show was about something other than ridiculous soap opera plots that throw people together and toss them around like debris in a hurricane. Enough already. I can't wear enough protective gear for the crap that rains down after this shit.