Whoopee! Instead of being able to avoid the theme song, we'll now be tortured by the awkward appearance of Gavin DeGraw, magically showing up in Tree Hill out of the blue. Welcome to the world of contrived-quasi talented non-actors making strange promotional drop-bys as set out in their contracts with the record companies. It's product placement to the nth degree. Anyway. Previously on One Tree Hill: Nathan enhanced his game via the Jim Carroll method, only his drug of choice was speed and not heroin. Good call on that one, Nathan. Brooke and Luke went out on a date, but "date" was just Brooke-speak for what she actually did, which was to drag him into a corner and make out all night long. Haley expressed concern about her budding relationship. Nathan collapsed on the court. Deb kicked Dan out of the house, but only after she threatened to "stab him in [her] sleep." Nathan crashed at Haley's house because he just couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Oh, and Peyton showed up at Luke's house with her heart on her sleeve. But wait! Brooke was already there -- who will Luke choose?
We're in the moment -- that very nanosecond, if you will -- when Peyton stops babbling about wanting the same things as Luke and wanting them with him. That very moment when Brooke comes bounding out asking if the "superstar" is ready to "score." The precious few seconds where Luke looks from one girl to the other, thinking to himself, "Do I like blondes better than brunettes? Hum, um, huh, well who shall I choose?" He looks from Peyton to Brooke. Brooke looks at him; she sort of half-stares at both of them like she doesn't know what's going on. Peyton looks like she might burst into tears. Which is hard, you know, because she's made of wood. Luke pouts, and then Peyton disappears into thin air. But wait! It's the morning, and Luke's still asleep, in his clothes, of course. His belt is undone, and his pants are loose. Let's hope that's indicative of something. Luke drags himself out of bed.
Keith puts away dishes in the kitchen. When Luke gets there, he's changed for school. Keith turns around and says "good morning" in tough-uncle-speak: "You look like hell!" Luke laughs, "I didn't get much sleep." Why? What's up? "You ever have a tough decision to make and wonder if you made the right choice?" Luke asks. Good grief. He's a sixteen- or seventeen-year-old kid choosing between two beautiful girls, both of whom are interested in him. Plus, it's high school, and relationships last for, like, a week when you're that age. Oh. He's. So. Tortured. So he spent six months chasing Peyton, running after her car, saving her from a date-rapist only to decide now that maybe he doesn't want to be with her? This show is yanking my chain. Keith asks, "What kind of choice are you talking about?" There's a cute knock on the door. Brooke comes in with coffee and says, "Morning, boyfriend!" She hands Luke a cup of coffee and says, "Again." Keith stands there drying his hands on a towel. Man, these kids are forward -- it's like they bring their real ages into the action when we're not looking. Luke and Brooke smooch. It's gross. They make a smacking sound that's completely unnecessary first thing in the morning. Keith jokes, "I think you're good." Brooke grins. Luke introduces the two of them. Brooke greets Uncle Keith by handing him the second cup of coffee. At least she's polite when she's making out with his nephew in the kitchen before it's even 8 AM. Brooke and Luke start to make their way out the door when Keith says, "Oh, don't forget, you're mom's calling from Italy at 6 PM sharp, don't forget to be here." Luke smiles and says, "Okay, I promise!" Which is teenager-speak for "of course I'm going to forget, screw up, make Keith mad and miss my mom's call."
Haley's room is filled with candles and seashells. What day is it? Why is Luke going to school if Haley's parents were away for the weekend? What day was the game on? Anyway. Haley and Nathan are lying in bed. She makes a joke about her parents coming home and acting like she has amnesia. She giggles and says, "So don't freak out if I pretend not to know you." Nathan laughs. Then he says softly, "I think I should get back to the madness." Haley groans and wiggles around on top of him. He continues, "But hey, if I could, I'd stay like this all day." Haley kisses him, and he gets up. She says, "Nathan, about last night --" He interrupts, "Look, it's not about sex with me; when you're ready, I'll be too." They make out. In the morning. Without brushing their teeth. After fooling around all night. After he'd just been dehydrated, re-hydrated at the hospital, and then still recovering from a slight overdose. Can you imagine what his breath would smell like? Ew. Any. Way. We're not in real life, we're in la-la land, so happy music plays, and people make out in their fantasyland where there are no parents and no rules and no consequences.
Deb is working away at Karen's Café when Dan comes in bearing a huge bouquet of red roses. In the Land of Dan, big fake gestures mean he truly loves her. In the Land of Deb, this cries out, "Too little too late." He slides in on the grease of his overcooked cheese of a personality: "Special delivery for Mrs. Dan Scott." Deb shakes her head and lets out an audible you've-got-to-be-kidding-me sigh. She asks, "What are you doing here?" He replies, "I wanted to apologize for last night. We were both spent. We both said things we regret." She tries to make him stop talking. But it seems the gouda inside of Dan just screams to get out. He sets the roses down on the counter: "These are for you." He adds, "I made a reservation at Chatley Resort," and as he raises his eyebrows, mozzarella oozes from his eyeballs. "Remember the view?" Dan's walked forward, but Deb keeps her distance, standing as far away from him as she possibly can. "Dan, if you're in the mood to mend fences, start by devoting a weekend to your son. One without your inflated expectations of him. If you hadn't noticed, the only quality time you've spent with him lately has been in an emergency room." Let's just take a moment to point out that we have no indication that either Dan or Deb even knows where Nathan is at this point. Shall we imagine that he called Deb and told her he was sleeping over at Haley's, and that she's okay with that? Because right now neither one of these two are winning parent of the year awards. But whatever, I promise that for the rest of this recap I'll leave my disbelief firmly suspended from the roof of my living room, bondage gear intact, just so I can get through this for you, my loyal readership. Yawn. Okay, let's just see how long I can go without being completely sarcastic. Oh. Wait. Deb's still talking: "You figure out how to make sure that never happens again, and then maybe you and I can talk." Deb turns around and ruffles some papers. Dan stares at her from underneath some really unfortunate-looking bangs. Yeah, that whole bang trend? Not so good on the men. They all look like pageboys from Medieval Times. Dammit! How long did I last? About thirty seconds. And my disbelief is still hanging by a thread. Okay, I promise, I'll be good.
But just one more question: What in the hell day is it? Because the kids are at school, so I'm assuming it's Friday, and that the game was on Thursday night. Anyway. Haley and Luke are walking around. He's drinking a can of pop. They walk past a gigantic poster that says "Ravens Basketball." I'm thinking about now the two of them might want to think about grabbing an umbrella, because the symbolism surrounding them might explode, sending tiny slivers of silver from all the other disbeliefs crashing down around them. Luke says, "It's not that hard. Peyton and I just don't make sense as a couple. She said so herself." Haley huffs, "And then took it back!" Luke: "What are you, her lawyer?" Haley: "I've seen Peyton really try to turn things around. It just sucks that she got bit the first time she reached out to somebody." Luke insists, "I'm not the bad guy here, okay? Peyton's just too hard." He takes a sip of pop. Haley says flatly, "Unlike Brooke, who I understand is nice and easy." Meow. Luke stops. He doesn't like that crack: "Excuse me. She makes me laugh. She's honest, and she's not afraid to be herself, and plus, she's not covered head-to-toe in issues." Yeah, um, unlike Luke, who's so issue-free himself. When did he turn into Nathan? Haley has side bangs. She must have gotten a haircut somewhere between sleeping all night with Nathan and going to school. He sits down on a bench. She acts contrite, blah nothing, no problem, if he's happy, she's happy, end of discussion.
Peyton kneels on the pavement while working on some more posters for Ravens Basketball. Lord knows they don't have enough school spirit in this damn town. Brooke comes up to her and says, "Hey, I've been two-waying you all day, where have you been?" Peyton smiles and shakes her head. She says she's been "nowhere, really." Brooke says, "I wanted to talk to you about Lucas. You left so quickly the other night. What was all that about?" Okay, so, really, what day is it? Is it Monday? Is the weekend over? Was that game on a Saturday? Please for the love of my own internal obsessive-compulsive disorder, can someone on this damn show just try to be a little consistent in terms of continuity? Please? Peyton: "Did he tell you what happened?" Brooke: "We didn't really do too much talking after you left, if you know what I mean." Oh boy, coy is certainly the wrong way to play this, Brooke. Peyton really doesn't want to hear about it. Peyton makes up some totally lame excuse about giving Luke back a CD she had borrowed. Brooke seems to buy it, though, probably because she left the remnants of whatever intelligence she actually has in Luke's bed last night, or the other night, or the night before last night -- oh hell, whatever night she spent making out with him instead of studying.
Jake! Luke sees our wonderful, lovable, magical, marvelous Jake! sleeping under a tree. So, of course, he kicks him. Well, more like he sort of knocks his boot with his foot. Luke says, "Late night?" Jake wakes up and says, "Yeah, sort of." Luke laughs and asks, "Who's the girl?" Jake says coyly, "You don't know her." Ah, but we do, while we haven't been introduced, we still know her. We know something Luke doesn't know, we know something Luke doesn't know, we know something -- okay, I'll stop. It's just that it's been almost two months since I've had this power beneath my fingertips. I guess I'm a bit mad for it. Luke grabs Jake's hand and pulls him up. "Come on, we're going to be late for practice."
But wait! There's a note on the door that says, "Basketball cancelled (until further notice)". The boys all hover outside the door confused about what they're reading. Nathan pulls the note off the door as Woda makes an appearance. Whitey tells him, "Nice to see you vertical." The door shuts behind the coach. "How you feeling?" Nathan seems contrite for the first time in his life: "Same as always." Pause. "What's all this about?" He hands Whitey the note back. Woda makes his crusty-old-coach speech: "Seems to me we've lost track of what this game is supposed to be about, myself included. I want you to take this time to think about why we're really out there." See the kid standing just behind Nathan? Yeah, the one we've never seen before? Yeah, he's got terrible boy bangs -- I'm telling you his hair looks like one of those plastic clip-on hair styles we used to use on Mr. Potato Head. It's long by his ears with very blunt bangs. It's the perfect example of the renaissance in medieval hairstyles. Please make it stop. Oh sorry, Whitey's still talking: "Until then, no practice." Then he makes the huge gesture of sticking the sign back up on the door. Dim whines, "This sucks!" Jake! replies, "Speak for yourself. Whitey just did me a favour." Nathan slowly admits, "Yeah, me too."
Peyton throws her stuff into the back seat of her car and hops into the front. She's trying to make a quick getaway. But Luke doesn't let her; he yells, "Peyton," and then kneels down, hanging his arms over her door. She holds onto the steering wheel with both hands. He says, "Look, about last night. I feel really bad --" Okay, so it was last night to him, but the other night to Brooke. Tell me if I'm wrong, but doesn't "other night" imply more than one day? So, Peyton doesn't want to talk about it, and rightly so -- it's kind of embarrassing. She continues, "I'd had this really weird, long day, and I probably wasn't making any sense." Luke insists that she was making sense. But, well, he had no idea that she was coming over, and well, he and Brooke, you know. Peyton interjects, "Make a really good couple." Pause. "I'm happy for you. You're a good guy Luke, and she's my best friend." And they leave it at that, but hey, Peyton's actually being kind of mature. She's not freaking out or making either of them feel bad. I'll give her some credit for that, even if she runs into the branches of a maple tree for comfort -- looking for one of her own kind to hug.
Haley's at work with Deb at the café. Apparently, business has dropped off, and Deb's beginning to take it personally. Haley reassures her that it's just the time of year, and that things will pick up. She says, "You know, Karen actually always thought that we should do live entertainment to bring people in, you know, like open mic night." Deb loves the idea, but she wants to run it by Lucas first, to make sure he's okay with it. Because he's the king of the castle. Haley offers to talk to him, because he's been staying away from the café lately. Yeah, Deb knows, and that's why she wants to talk to him herself. Haley winds up her apron and says, "If you've got all this under control, I've got a study session with Nathan." Deb smiles. She tells Haley that she likes that the two of them are seeing one another, and that Nathan's lucky to have someone like Haley. Aw. The mom stamp of approval. How sweet is that? Yawn.
Brooke comes into Peyton's room wearing a J.Lo-inspired tracksuit. She picks up the Polaroid camera on Peyton's dresser and snaps a picture of Peyton, who is lying down on her bed drawing. Peyton asks her what she's doing. Brooke jumps onto the bed beside her and says, "I'm documenting a day without cheer: hour one." Brooke stares at the picture, which has developed more quickly than I've ever seen instant pictures develop, and cracks, "Something's wrong with this picture, though." Pause. "Oh! I know I'm not in it." She holds up the camera and Peyton leans her head in. Snap. Brooke smiles. Peyton smirks. Brooke puts down the camera and asks, "Would you stop with your freaky pictures for a minute? There's no basketball. We're young. We're gorgeous. We have all this free time. Let's go do something fun." Peyton asks, "What about Lucas? I'm sure he'd be up for some fun. Probably some Polaroids, too." Brooke plays with something on Peyton's bed: "Lucas. The monkey in the room." Peyton corrects her: "'Elephant.'" Brooke: "I came to make sure there was no weirdness about that. You're my best friend and I would never cut you out for a guy. No matter who he is, or how happy he makes me." Peyton tells her that she's cool with the whole Brooke-Lucas coupling. In fact, really the only thing Peyton wants to do is draw. Like Simon. And the things she draws comes true. And the pictures take her, take her over the mountains...oh wait, the pictures she draws don't come true, do they? Anyway, Brooke buys her fake explanation, smiles and holds out her fisted hand, "Hos before beaus!" They bang fists. And then Brooke borrows the camera, in case Luke's "feeling frisky." Ahem. Ew. Peyton picks up the picture of the two of them and studies it for a minute, her breath blowing sawdust all over the sticky image -- because there's no way that picture would have dried by now.
Dan bursts into Whitey's office and whines, "Tell me I heard this wrong!" Woda raps his knuckles onto his desk by means of an example: "It's called knocking." Of course, Dan ignores him, preferring to babble on about Whitey's canceling practice and the Ravens' perfect season. We all know what's most important to Dan: basketball. You know, his obsessive nature is getting kind of played out. He needs to get some new game. Whitey starts asking if Dan's ever played the "ponies." He goes on about a horse called Whirlybird in the third. Dan asks, "Have you completely lost it?" Heh. Whitey laughs at Dan. He says, "You see that sign in the gym? It's got my name on it. It means I call the shots. The game's not fun anymore, Danny. Somewhere along the way, we've strayed off the path." Dan snarks, "You're the coach. You're supposed to be a leader." Whitey stands up and faces Dan, man-to-man. Well, man-to-bully, anyway. Whitey: "Now, that's something that we agree upon." What are you talking about? Whitey looks Dan right in the eye: "Dehydration. We both know it's more than that." Dan snarks, "So, now you're a doctor?" Whitey: "I've taken steps to ease the pressure. I think you'd be wise to take a couple of days and do the same." Whitey walks by Dan and puts on his baseball cap: "Hit the lights on the way out, would you."
When Nathan gets home from school, he finds Dan there acting all chipper and stuff. "Hey! How you feeling, son?" Nathan replies flatly, "Okay." Pause. "What's my bag doing here?" Dan replies, "I packed some things for you." Nathan tells Dan that he's not going to stay with him at the boathouse. The two of them are going away for the weekend. Huh. After Deb told Dan she'd stab him in his sleep and basically told him that he'd never get Nathan, not in a million years, now she's encouraged the two of them to go away for the weekend. This show makes no sense. Nathan gets pissy. Dan gets excited about golf. Short end of it? Nathan doesn't have much of a choice -- he's going away for the weekend with his father.
The gang's all here -- The River Court. Mouth's got his mic: "Ho, ho! Say it isn't so! Fergie and Skills take it 15-13." Luke sits down beside him on the picnic table. Brooke arrives pompons waving. Fergie jokes, "Guy's got his own personal cheering squad now?" Luke greets Brooke with a "hey babe." I try not to barf up my applesauce. Skills says, "Now that's whack -- we win the game, and he gets the girl." Tell me about it, my brother, it's right crazy.
Deb's doing some shopping at the local pharmacy when she spots Lucas. "A-ha!" She thinks. "I can talk to him about the open mic night!" Deb calls out his name, and when Luke notices who it is, he gets all embarrassed and puts down a bunch of stuff on the countertop. Deb doesn't notice. She launches right into her semi-prepared speech about holding an open mic night. Luke tries to get rid of her quickly: "No, it's a great idea." Deb doesn't notice that he's obviously speeding her along because he's got other, ahem, things on his mind. Finally, Deb gets with the program and asks, "Lucas, are you all right?" He says, "Yeah, yeah!" Until Brooke bounds up to him with a mega-box of condoms and some whipped cream, that is, yeah, he's just fine. If by "fine," you mean "mortified." Heh. Luke makes eyes at Brooke, who turns around and notices Deb standing there. She giggles, as only Brooke would giggle, and says, "Oh! Hi, Mrs. Scott." Deb looks at Brooke and then back to Lucas. Um yeah, she'd better be going.
Luke and Brooke leave the pharmacy without their intended purchases. Brooke jokes, "Of all the things I had to stick in my mouth, it had to be my foot." Heh. Luke looks upset. She tells him to lighten up. He says, "Did you see the look on her face?" Brooke replies, "Yeah, total Judge Judy, which is completely ridiculous considering who her son is." Well, Brooke's kind of a got a point there -- but it doesn't matter because Luke's hella grumpy. He opens the door to Brooke's car for her and says, "She's friends with my mom." Not to mention your half-brother's mother, making her sort of your stepmother in a weird alternate-reality kind of way. Brooke says, "Right, forgot about that one." Pause. "Well, your mom's in Europe for the month. What are the odds she remembers this?" Luke deadpans, "Whipped cream and condoms?" They both start giggling.
Nathan attempts to make conversation during what seems to him to be the world's longest car ride. The poor kid. Trapped in a moving vehicle with the man he would probably describe as Satan in his life. He asks, "You and Mom getting a divorce?" Dan: "Why, what did she tell you?" Not, "no son, don't worry, everything's going to be okay," not, "we both love you very much." No -- it's "let me pump my son for information about my marriage because I'm not man enough to talk to my wife." Jackass. Dan says, "Don't worry, things will be back to normal in no time." Yeah, that's comforting. Nathan: "Mom doesn't want things to be normal; she wants them to be better." Dan: "Listen, Nathan, you've got a great life, a nice home, and a basketball pedigree any kid would die for." Nathan says, "I almost did."
Nathan's phone rings. It's Haley. We cut back and forth between the car and the café, where she's making posters for the open mic night. She asks, "How's the Amazing Race?" Nathan replies, "It's about as well as can be expected." Haley says, "I wish you were here. We're doing this open mic thing at the café tomorrow." Nathan smiles, "So, I'm gone for two hours and you go all Hollywood on me?" Haley jokes, "Yeah, that's me -- glamour girl. Hey, do you want to say hi to your mom?" Nathan glances over at his father and says no, it's okay. Then he gets off the phone.
At the café, Deb asks, "How's he doing?" Haley replies, "Well, there's no gunplay or fires, so I guess okay. He said to say hi!" Deb looks at the flyers and tries to be polite, but it's okay, because Haley already knows they suck ass. But wait! She sees Peyton out the window and has a bright idea, blowing by Keith on her way out the door. Deb says, "Hey! I'm glad you're here." Keith jokes, "Yeah, I heard you could use the business." Deb smiles, "Yeah, that too." But wait -- she's got something important to tell him. At first, Keith makes a crack about Dan, to which Deb responds with a knowing smile. But that's not what she means. She tells him that she saw Luke at the store with a girl. Keith says, "Yeah, that's Brooke." Deb pours the coffee as she tells Keith that the pair was buying condoms. As she walks to put the coffee back on the hotplate, Deb adds, "I guess you could take comfort in the fact that he's being safe, but you know, mistakes happen; I'm a walking poster child for it." Keith sighs. He doesn't know what to do, and on top of everything, Karen's calling them tonight: "I want what's best for Lucas, but I also don't want to let her down." Deb says, "Don't. She's three thousand miles away; she trusts you to handle this." Keith cracks, "I could always lock him in the cellar." Deb laughs. She meant it might be a good idea for Keith to talk to Luke. Yeah, Keith deadpans, there's that too.
Haley catches up to Peyton outside the offices of Thud. She says, "I need your help. Don't worry, it doesn't involve Nathan or orphans or any major equipment of any kind." Is that supposed to mean something? Did we miss the Peyton-bonds-with-the-orphan part of this episode? Haley holds up the terrible posters. Peyton laughs. She asks, "Can you fix them?" Peyton jokes, "Yeah, I can burn them!" Now it's Haley's turn to laugh. Peyton offers to fix them, and Haley's elated. She jokes, "Aw, thanks! You're the best. I take back everything I ever said about you before we met." And you know what? That's a great line. Haley's character has totally grown on me. She was really grating and annoying for the first couple of episodes, but now she's sweet and quirky.
Dan and Nathan arrive at the resort. The man at the front desk is surprised that Mrs. Scott's not there. Dan makes up some bullshit to the effect that it's a guys' weekend. The clerk reminds him that the suite only has a king-sized bed. Dan says, and I quote: "Aw, but I hate to give up the view. I'll tell you what, why don't you bring up a cot." That's right. He drags his son away for the weekend, and instead of letting them each have a bed, he makes Nathan sleep on an uncomfortable hotel cot while he lounges in a huge bed. All for the view? This man takes selfishness to a whole new level. Nathan snits, and rightly so: "Dad, are you kidding me? This weekend was supposed to be for you and Mom?" Dan replies, "Well, it didn't work out that way." Nathan: "So this whole father/son thing was just Plan B?" Dan's attempt to make his son feel better goes something like this: "What difference does it make how or why we got here? The point is we're here, and we're going to have a good time." Nathan's phone rings at this point. He looks at it and says that's it is Haley. Dan cracks, "She's got you on a short leash." Yeah, that's hilarious -- making cracks about your son's girlfriend, the only person, in fact, who helped your son in his time of need. That's nice. Nathan answers the phone, and then brushes Haley off completely. That Dan, he's such a great influence. The clerk asks if he should have their bags sent up. Dan tells him yes, and that he's got some golf clubs in the back as well. "I'll be taking my son to school on the links tomorrow morning." The clerk smiles politely and tells him that the clubs will be waiting for them when they tee off. Hm, sounds like Dan's really changed a whole lot in the last twenty-four hours. He's gone from berating Nathan about basketball to competing with him on the golf course. Nathan sighs. He knows he's in for a rough weekend.
Luke and Brooke are in his room, on his bed, with the lights off, making out, when Keith comes in and turns on the lights. Brooke sits up and says, "Hi, Uncle Keith." He says hello and then says, "Could you maybe pick this up some other time? I'd like to have a word with Luke." Brooke gets up to go, and Luke gives his uncle the evil eye. On her way out, Brooke says that she'll call Luke later; he sort of half-sees her to the door.
Once Brooke has gone, Luke whines, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Keith replies, "That's funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing." Luke snarks, "I get it -- this is about Deb, right?" Keith quietly says, "No, this is about you, and some incredibly bad judgment. And I think you should remember that Deb's the one keeping your mother's business alive while she's gone." Luke whines, "Yes, but it doesn't give her the right to butt in. I mean, look at Nathan -- that guy gets away with ten times the crap that I do." Keith says honestly, "Well, you're not Nathan." Pause. "And that's not the point. I mean, what is this? You couldn't even be home for your mom's phone call tonight?" And there's the rub. Can we call it or can we call it? Of course he was going to miss that phone call. Luke acts at least a bit contrite: "I forgot." Pause. "What did you tell her?" Keith: "I told her that you missed her, and that you loved her, and that you were at the library studying." Keith bitches him out: "The Luke Scott I know is better than this." Luke snaps back, "The Keith Scott that I know's not my mother; he's not even her boyfriend, so I don't see how this is your business." Um, except that he is Luke's uncle, and blood sort of wins over boyfriend, don't you think? Keith insists that it is his business, because he's there, and Karen's trusted him. Keith continues, "You know, you might want to take a long hard look in the mirror and see if the guy staring you back in the mirror is the person you want to be." Holy crap, this is melodramatic. For Pete's sake, he's a teenager making out with his girlfriend. Is it really that big a deal? Luke sits down on his bed and pouts as Keith leaves the room.
The Butterfly Effect. Do you think they can create an alternate universe where Ashton Kutcher doesn't exist?
The golf game between Nathan and Dan goes about as well as can be expected. Nathan takes a shot, and Dan takes a shot at him. Dan makes his shot, and makes an example of his good golf skills. Nathan takes his criticism, and takes another shot. Dan makes a lame joke, and whacks his son in the shoulder. Yeah, that seems like a great day. So much fun.
Haley's over at Peyton's as Peyton puts the finishing touches on the poster. She says, "Cat Power, Cheap Trick? You're all over the place." Haley smiles and says, "I kind of got a lot of moods." Peyton hands over the poster, and it looks pretty good. The phone rings. Peyton's machine picks up; it's Brooke's high-pitched squeal saying, "Hello? Best friend? Pick up! I can see you on your precious web cam." Haley says, "Web cam?" Peyton smiles. The voice from beyond screeches, "Hi to you too, Tutor Girl." Peyton answers the phone. She makes an excuse to Brooke and gets her off the phone with a promise to call her later. Peyton asks Haley if she needs any help with the postering. aley says she doesn't have to help; it's cool. Peyton: "Yeah, I kinda do." She throws a sweater over the web cam (instead of turning it off) and runs out with Haley.
Luke bounces his basketball over to the House of Jake! and finds said hottie sitting on the stoop strumming his guitar. Luke: "I was just on my way down to the River Court and thought maybe you'd want to shoot around." Jake replies, "Yeah, it feels kind of weird not to have a Saturday practice, doesn't it?" Luke: "I never thought I'd miss it." Jake! tells Luke that he has to stick around the house, and the latter wants to know if he's grounded or something. Jake! tries to duck around the issue, but Luke keeps prying; is he sick? Finally, Luke gets the hint: "You don't want to hang around with me, that's cool. I'll see you later, man." Jake! calls out for him to come back, and invites him into the house.
Basketball in hand, Luke enters and sees the baby. Jake! says, "So, this is Jenny." Luke asks, "Is she yours?" Holy crap, it's the cutest baby I've ever seen. Jake: "She's all mine." Luke: "That's unbelievable. How old is she?" Jake! is grinning as he says, "She's six months, nine days, and a couple of hours [old]." So cute! Jake really deserves that exclamation point we've saddled him with. Luke quietly asks, "Who's the mother?" Jake stutters for a second, and then tells him that it's a long story: "Let's just say she's out of the picture." Luke: "So you're raising her all by yourself?" Jake admits that his parents help out a lot; they work nights, and between the three of them, they're managing. Luke nods his head and says, "That explains a lot about you, man." Pause. "But, um, why keep her a secret?" Jake reaches into the crib and pulls up the baby blanket. His hands look very large beside the small body. Jake tells Luke, "Aw, come on, you know how people are." Luke squints -- he's emoting -- and insists, "If you treat this like something you're ashamed of, your daughter will carry that around with her for the rest of her life." Jake insists that he's not ashamed of his daughter; he's protecting her. Luke adds, "You know, my mom did the same thing. When I found out the truth about who I was, there was a part of me that thought that maybe she kept that secret because she was ashamed of me." Pause. "You don't want to hide this." The baby fusses a bit, as if to punctuate Luke's poignant thoughts. Yawn.
Haley and Peyton stick posters on cars around Tree Hill, in the hopes of drumming up some interest in the open mic night. Haley asks Peyton if she's going to come, but Ole Wooden Legs hasn't made up her mind yet. Haley is always wearing the strangest mix of colours. Today she has on red pea coat and barfy in-between brown-and-orange cords; it's like wardrobe matches everything to her hair, and because she's not moody or motherless, she doesn't get to be cool like Peyton and wear all black. Haley tells Peyton that she knows about the other night, and it seems to help, because sawdust shoots out of her eyes, ears, and nose, and she opens right up to the other girl. "It's my own fault," Peyton says. "I blew it." Haley says she's sorry. Peyton adds, "The worst part is, Brooke is my best friend, and she doesn't have any idea how much this is killing me." Um, maybe because your friendship consists of pompons and partying? Hell, Brooke didn't even know that Peyton drew the comic strip in Thud. Their friendship can't really be based on openness and honesty. Peyton: "I don't know what kind of karmic monster I was in a past life." Haley quips, "Probably one of those sirens that lured in sailors and killed them on the rocks." And why, oh why, does every woman on this show talk about karma when she can't get a boy? It's turned into a cliché, about as far away from the original meaning of that word you can possibly be. Haley says, "Between you and me, I don't really see Lucas and Brooke as an epic romance. But he did ask me to give it a chance, so, you know." Peyton: "What should I do?" Haley: "The same thing." Peyton nods. The girls continue to walk. Did they run out of posters? They stuck one in a single windshield during that entire conversation. It doesn't matter anyway; the open mic night is just a contrived, meaningless plot to get Gavin DeGraw to sing his bloody theme song. We all know this, but it's still bloody annoying.
Dan continues berating Nathan about his golf game. I think Dan's confused good parenting with unhealthy competition. I mean, we all know this, but I don't think he truly understands what being a good father is, and that's the real problem. He lets his own insecurities justify his awful behaviour. I'm not excusing him, but we have to have some reasons why he acts like such a jackass. Nathan tries to putt; he misses, and Dan makes an obnoxious comment and tells him that he "fell apart on the back nine." Finally, Nathan can't take it anymore and slices the ball right in his father's direction. Dan freaks out, and then Nathan blasts him: "This whole thing is just another excuse for you to pick me apart and show me how much better you are." He doesn't stop there: "Well, there you go, Dad, you just kicked my ass, congratulations." Nathan starts clapping, as he continues, "It was great, really." Dan tells him not to make a scene. Which I find pretty damn funny -- he's actually worried about how he appears to other people. Nathan ignores him, and continues on his angry tirade: "I almost killed myself for you." What are you talking about? "Drugs, Dad, I took drugs for you." Dan steps forward and insists, "My son would never take drugs." Nathan scoffs, "Your son? It's all about you, isn't it Dad, you know why Mom kicked you out? Because you're a bully and you don't give a damn about anything other than your own ego." Dan asks him to keep his voice down, but Nathan just carries on saying what has to be said: "No, you what you should do, you should give Mom a divorce. Do her a favour and give her a divorce. She's never going to be happy with you. Nobody is." No-o-o-o-o-body. And the applause comes from the cheap seats (well, from me). Good for you, Nathan. It's about time you truly stood up for yourself. It's a shame it had to come at such a cost.
Keith shows up at Whitey's with his jeans tucked into his boots. I just don't understand that either. It's one thing to make Keith look like a "working man," but quite another to make him look like an idiot. Whitey picks up his Star Times and strolls down memory lane with some incidental story about how Keith was a terrible paperboy. Keith hands him the paper and quips, "Maybe if you tipped on holidays, it would have been a different story." Blah, extortion, blah lame joke, blah memory lane, blah boring, blah. Keith says, "Taking a bit of a break, eh?" Whitey smiles and tells him that extreme times call for extreme measures. Yup. That's why Keith's there. He's having trouble with Lucas and the s-e-x. Keith tells Whitey that he thinks Luke's making some bad decisions, and then cites himself as a cause, explaining that he's really a shining example of good choices. Whitey rocks in his chair, clicks his cheek for a minute, and says, "Take a page out of my book and step back." Keith: "That's your advice? To do nothing?" Whitey makes his point: "Or you could emulate your brother, and smother the kid with your own shortcomings." Pause. "I've coached thirty-five teams. Some of them I've coddled, some I've yelled at, but each player needs to find his own game." And the world is just one big basketball analogy waiting to happen. Whitey says, "Luke's a good kid. He'll find his way back to the main road." And the great big basketball called Earth spins around and around. Blah freaking advice blah.
Peyton's in the Thud offices when she runs into Gavin DeGraw and, in a piece of utterly contrived awfulness, invites him to play at the open mic. He's cool with that, but only because the record company's making him. He might be able to sing, but he makes Peyton look like Meryl Streep, and it's hard to be that bad.
Luke sits down with Keith at the kitchen table. He apologies for the terrible things he said last night. Keith puts down his coffee cup and says, "Well, obviously I suck at this." Pause. "I want to be your friend, but I also want to do the right thing by your mom." Luke says he knows how important that is to his uncle, and that he's really not making it very easy for him. Keith says, "At a certain point, it's up to you. It's your life, you have to live it, but I'll always be there if you need help." Luke says thanks. Aw, the bonding branch of the Scott family.
Jake! looks through the mail and stuff on the coffee table. He finds a flyer for the open mic night that Luke must have dropped off earlier that day. It says, "They've got booster chairs." Jake! takes a minute to ponder whether he should go, and then smiles, because you know, Luke's right.
Peyton shows up, and Haley gives her a warm greeting. Peyton says, "Guess all those flyers really weren't a waste of trees." There's a remnant of the Lilith Fair on stage crooning straight from her ovaries. Yawn. Haley tells Peyton to grab an apron, but she's just kidding. Then she says, "Sit wherever you want, order whatever you want, it's on the house. Thanks for your help today." Brooke and Luke come in holding hands. Brooke says, "So this is the place." Luke answers, "This is it." Brooke looks around and smiles: "Very buzzworthy." Only she's already been there, when she apologized to Haley and sent her and Nathan on their first date. Maybe she just didn't take a good look around then, so it's a whole new world of wonder knowing that it's her boyfriend's mom's café. Yawn. They spy Peyton sitting by herself at a table in the corner. She smiles. Brooke says, "Cool clientele, too." Luke kisses her forehead, and Brooke goes and sits with Peyton. Bleech. Deb is flipping through order slips when Lucas comes up to tell her she's doing a great job, and that his mom would be happy. You know, that's the first nice thing anyone's said to Deb in a long time. She tells Luke that means a lot to her. Then he says, "About the other night --" Deb interrupts, "I know you think I overstepped my bounds." Luke continues, "No, it's just, if you have a problem with me, could you just talk to me first?" Deb smiles and says, "You got it." Ah, more Scott bonding; it's epidemic with Dan out of the picture. Luke walks over to the ladies and asks if he can join them. Peyton makes a lame-ass excuse and then runs out of there faster than you can say boo. Brooke gets up and tells Luke she'll be right back.
Outside, Brooke yells after Peyton, and then asks if she's mad at Brooke. Peyton honestly answers that it's not Brooke: "I thought I was cool with this, but I'm not, I'm sorry." Brooke totally misinterprets what Peyton's saying and replies, "Me and Lucas? You do not have to feel like a third wheel." And instead of telling her best friend in the whole world what's bothering her -- that she likes Lucas, really likes him -- she lies and tells Brooke that, yes, she doesn't want to a third wheel. How lame is that?
The open mic night's in full bloom. The café is packed. Haley's on stage begging people to come up and do something -- anything to stop the dead air. Jake! walks in with his portable baby seat, and says, "I'll give it a shot." Haley announces him, and he steps up with Jenny at his side. Jake! gets on the mic and tells everyone that he normally only sings to his daughter, but that a friend told him to open up to a wider audience. He continues, "So this is my daughter Jenny, and Jenny, this is my whole world." Brooke and Luke are sitting on a couch. She says, "Jake has a baby." Wow, she's one for stating the obvious, eh? Jake! starts singing. I won't paraphrase. I'll save you from that. Haley asks Peyton if she's okay. Peyton smiles and nods. Then Peyton turns all of her attention to the one person in the room who might have led a harder life than she's led...and makes googly-eyes at Jake! Dammit! Haley's in the back room trying to call Nathan, but he sneaks up behind her and says, "Jerk never called you back, did he?" They embrace. Nathan relates the whole sordid story of how he got caught in the riptide of Dan Scott. Deb walks in and asks what happened. Nathan replies, "We were keeping score, Mom, what do you think happened?" Deb says, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry." Nate shakes his head and tells her it doesn't matter; he's used to it.
Dan sits outside the café in his car, looking at a world that he has completely alienated himself from -- maybe feeling the consequences of his actions?
Inside, Jake! finishes his song; people hoot, holler, and clap. Peyton ogles him. I have my barf bag ready. She walks up to him and jokes, "So what, are you married, too?" Jake! laughs and says that it's just him and Jenny. The baby is adorable. Peyton jokes, "She's got your eyebrows." Jake laughs, "That's not a good thing." They googly-eye each other. My stomach churns. Gavin DeGraw arrives, sets up, and gets ready to play in a nanosecond -- yeah, the band assembles a drum kit in the time it takes Luke to invite Nathan and the boys to play some ball down on the River Court. Blah theme song, blah. Blah the house rocks, blah. Something about a prison guard's son. Blah.
The song plays over the game at the River Court. Mouth makes good on his commentary. The whole team's there, alongside the kids Luke always plays with. Luke slams a good shot. Haley shows up and says "hey" to Peyton and Brooke, who are sitting with the baby. The ball rolls out of bounds, and Peyton picks it up and throws it back to Jake! We all scream in horror at the half-smile, attraction, and googly-eyes that ensue. Brooke snaps a picture with the Polaroid, and cracks, "I guess that answers the gay question." They laugh. Haley takes a picture of the two girls with the baby. The boys kick back and have a good time at the court.
Keith and Whitey sit in the truck watching the game. Keith says, "I thought you might want to see this, Coach." Pause. "We've come a long way since the last time we sat here." The camera fades back and shows the whole court -- the whooping, the whooing, the baskets; the boys are having fun again. Rejoice! The game's been saved, and it only took a weekend!
Dan comes into the café and asks Deb if she had a busy night. Deb doesn't take his crap and says, "What happened today Dan?" He makes some joke about missing her so much that he and Nathan had to come home. She says, "I ask you to make good with your son and you make it worse." Dan's strange account of what happened goes like this: "He flipped out on the eighteenth hole. It was embarrassing." Deb clears some plates as she asks, "Did you badger him into it?" She puts down the dishes and lectures, "You have a problem, Dan; you're competitive and controlling, and you need some help." Dan berates Deb for not being there for Nathan. They get into the real problem: Dan's attitude. Deb tells him that they're going to go to family therapy. He refuses. She replies that it's mandatory -- if he wants to see Nathan. Dan: "You really think you can stop me from seeing my own son?" Deb puts down her dishtowel and says, "Try me." You go, Deb!
week: Brooke and Luke make out. Brooke complains that Luke uses Peyton for "some emotional stuff," and just plain uses Brooke. Now there's the pot calling the kettle black and then complaining about the colour, but whatever. Yawn. Haley and Nathan get drunk. Oh, and then Haley barfs all over Dan's car. Heh.