Tree Hill High. Wow, for once, the Tree Hill sign doesn't reference basketball -- in fact, it's advertising Wrestling, Thursday at 6 PM. Do you think that team sees as much drama as the basketball team does? Peyton and Brooke walk away from the school. Brooke says, "All I remember is you, me and Tutor Girl in my car, and Lucas and Nathan?" Okay, this can't possibly be the day after the big game because last week in the "day" shot of Brooke, Peyton, and Haley, where they showed them all returning to normal, they were all wearing different clothes -- but whatever, I'll go with it. Brooke: "And you said something about being into Lucas, but it could have been Nathan." Peyton's hair springs out of her head like yarn on a cheap doll's head. Both girls are wearing very tiny leather jackets. "And I need to know." Peyton pauses for a minute, looks at Brooke, and says woodenly, "Need?" Brooke: "Two of them, two of us, plenty of fine Scott boys to go around and your courtesy hold on Lucas has expired." Peyton raises her elbow and wheezes. I'm assuming she tried to laugh there, but the 100-pack-a-day habit must have caused that laugh to come out all wrong. She sounds like she's a fifty-year-old factory worker. Brooke continues, "And you and Nathan were so interesting together, plus we could still trade off once in a while, it's a win-win situation."
The two of them happen upon Lucas, probably listening to his "P.S. Whatever" mix and reading Jack Kerouac. Brooke slides into her "flirtatious" personality as she says, "Hey, Broody." Her talent for nicknames tends to lend itself a bit too much to the obvious. Hey, TPTB, just to let you know, I'm available day or night to brainstorm better nicknames and comebacks than Luke's barely-registering "Hey, Cheery." What's up with that? Call me, 1-800-Ragdoll. Luke pulls the headphones out of his ears, says hey to Peyton, and then looks her up and down. Brooke leaves after asking if she'll see Peyton at practice. I guess Peyton's still a cheerleader; good to see that visibly troubled portion of her personality still firmly fitted into acceptable society. She can't hate it that much or else she'd have quit by now. Any. Way. Peyton sits down across from Luke and asks, "So, what's the deal? Are we going to hang out at this annual Scott money burn, or what?" Luke: "Yeah, right. Like I'm going to spend my Friday night with Nathan and Dan. I'd rather stay home with The Great Gatsby." Hold on! Whoa! Stop the presses. Is the literary reference du jour in some way implying that Dan is Gatsby -- all that money, no happiness -- and we can all feel the emptiness of the Jazz Age through the pain in Dan's eyes? Yawn. And is Lucas working his way through all of the American classics this semester? Sigh -- well, at least he's reading. Peyton: "You know, I read a book last night." Really? Okay, everyone, catch up quick, Peyton's using innuendo. It's shocking, honestly. Shut up, Peyton's innuendo. Blah about a girl and a guy, blah weird connection, blah all this drama, blah ex-boyfriend, blah the guy's brother, blah climax at this party at their evil dad's house. Luke smiles. "Huh. What happens in the end?" Peyton presses the button marked "coy" and replies, "You're just going to have to show up to find out."
You know, I'm loving how they start the show with the last-weeks and then run the credits. I can just fast-forward through both of them and save myself the agony of ever listening to that theme song again. Please let me know if you actually want me to recap it. I'm here to please, people.
Haley and Nathan are in the library, studying. There are books open. Nathan bitches, "Ugh, this is so stupid, why do we have to study history anyway?" Oh, you're so asking the wrong person. Haley thinks for a minute. Then she blurts, "So we're not doomed to repeat it!" He doesn't get it. She tries another angle: "Don't lose hope, okay, tomorrow's a teacher's work day, so you've got an extra day to study." Nathan wears a cute striped shirt. He's a handsome kid. Not as pretty-boy as CMM, but still rates on the hot-o-meter. Lord, I'm embarrassed for myself that I just wrote that sentence. He says, "Minus my dad's annual kiss-his-ass jamboree." Very proud Nathan used the word "jamboree" in a sentence -- see, he can't be all that dumb. Then he says, "Then, I would invite you Haley, but it's kind of a b-ball crowd." Haley shakes her head. "Oh, please, like I'd want to kiss your dad's ass anyway." She pulls out a cute metal container and passes it to him: "And, everything you need to ace your history exam is in this little box of tricks here." Nathan smiles. "No Doz, number two pencils, eye drops." He jokes, "Why don't you just text-message me the answers?" Um, no. She gets up to leave and tells him to call her if he needs anything. Then she thanks him for cutting Lucas some slack. Nathan shakes his head and says, "A deal's a deal, right?" Exactly. Boy, these two are sure smiling at each other a lot. In fact, Nathan even turns his head to watch Haley as she walks away. Yup, I think they like each other, don't you?
Keith's reading the paper at Karen's Café. They're hiding Moira behind the counter. That hide-the-baby technique is so old; I was expecting something far more inventive. She asks him if there's anything interesting in the paper as she pours him a cup of coffee. He mentions something about some team winning something. Karen interrupts him when she notices Deb come into the Café. She's making that a habit these days. Keith turns around and says hello. Deb says, "I never heard from both of you about Dan's party tomorrow. For the team sponsors?" Keith deadpans, "Somehow, when I think of Dan, I just don't think of the word 'party.'" Karen moves to the counter to pull out the invitation as Deb smiles blandly at Keith's smart-ass remark, and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, Deb, I had the invitation here. I was thinking about going but after everything that happened last week…" Exactly. That Small Business League dinner was a nightmare. Especially the part where Keith told you he loved you. Whatever. I'm not buying it. Deb says, "Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Dan feels horrible about that, if you believe it or not." Insert Keith's positively bitter, one-note, "Not," as Deb continues, "And so do I, anyway it would mean a lot of you would both come. It starts at three but stop by anytime." Keith bids her adieu as Karen leans onto the counter and says, "I think Deb's right. We're not living in a 1950s movie. I am the single mom of a player on the team. I don't have to skulk around the town wearing a head scarf and dark glasses." Chalk up some more points for the word "skulk" -- damn, I love that word. Keith tells her that Luke'll never go to the party. She says, "Even if you go too?" Nope, not a chance. Blah doesn't want anything to be weird blah. How is it weird? Keith replies, "After dinner the other night, I said some pretty crazy things." It's very warm in Karen's Café. Everything is yellow or orange. Even her skin looks warm. Karen looks into the air and says, "I don't remember anything crazy." Pause. "Well, I'm going to go, you let me know if you change your mind." Waddle. Waddle. Waddle.
I have absolutely no idea what class the kids are in. Maybe biology? There are slides of very pretty purple flowers. I guess I should have taken biology and then I could actually tell you what kind of pretty purple flower the slide contains. Oh well, I think you'll live. For once, Lucas isn't in the same class as the rest of the gang. Peyton doodles in her sketchbook. A nameless, faceless teacher drones on about paying attention to the slides because the information will be on their test. Nathan leans back in his chair and stretches. Scrunches his face all up because he really has a hard time in school. The classroom is set up like a university lecture hall. It's got rows of desks on an incline, so Brooke sits the highest, Nathan under her, and Peyton in the first row. They must be assigned seats or else Brooke and Peyton would have sat together, being best friends who know nothing real about each other's lives and all. Brooke whispers, "How are you doing, Nate?" Nathan tells her he's bored. She says, "And lonely, right?" Nathan scowls at her. She whisper-insists, "Just a smidge." Nathan whispers back, "Whatever drugs you're on, save them for the party, okay?" Brooke whispers coyly, "Ah, the party. Guess whose coming with me? I'll tell you: Peyton." Nathan says quietly, "Whatever. She's off my radar and apparently I'm off hers too." What a strange way to describe your relationship with your ex-girlfriend -- in military terms. Anyway. Brooke's wily. She's trying to get Nathan and Peyton back together so she can have Lucas. Brooke whisper-insists, "That was odd-Peyton, she's totally back on track, and I think the new-old Peyton would be open to discussing a reconciliation." Slides whiz by in the background, but the teacher's stopped speaking. Nathan wants to know if Peyton actually told Brooke she wanted to get back together. Brooke whisper-replies, "She tells me everything." Now, we know Brooke's up to something, because Peyton doesn't tell her much of anything. See, but Nathan's not as dumb as he appears, because he whisper-says, "What are you up to, Brooke?" Brooke acts surprised, like she doesn't know she's being totally catty and manipulative: "What? I just want to see two people who are perfect for each other back together." She smiles. "Is that a crime?" Only now does Peyton turn around and glance back at Nathan and Brooke. Like she didn't hear every single word they said. But whatever, I'll go with it.
Jake! Jake! Jake! Is late for practice. Whitey seems rather soft on him as compared to the rest of the team being called "ladies" as he bitches at them to get into the gym. Jake kicks off his shoes and starts to undress. Nathan asks, "Why is Coach so easy on you, dude?" Jake replies, "We party together." Dim says, "Maybe they're lovers." Then he chuckles, because the -best thing to calling your team derogatory female names is making homophobic jokes. As Dim and Nathan walk into the gym, the latter says, "What? Did you two break up?" Jake pulls his t-shirt off. Yum. I really hope the actor who plays Jake is older so it's not criminal for me to lust after him. Heh. Luke says, "So anyway, man, what's the deal? What's going on, you're out sick all the time, you come in late, you cut out early. I don't understand, Coach just lets you." Jake gets into his b-ball shirt and says, "He's helping me out." Luke asks, "Meaning?" But Jake doesn't bite: "Meaning he's just helping me out." Luke doesn't pry any further, but he does slap Jake on his back as he heads out into the gym. Jake looks deep inside his locker, because maybe it contains his secret, or maybe he's just feeling overwhelmed. But the important thing remains that he's been found. Go Jake! May your name ever be followed by an exclamation point.
Wow. Peyton must get to school really early to get the plum parking spot right to the front doors. Hell, she's practically parked on the bloody sidewalk. She gets in, starts her car, starts the stereo, and almost backs up over poor Haley, who screams, "Whoa! Walking!" Man, Peyton is quite possible the worst driver in the entire fake world. I mean, we've seen her almost run over Lucas, try to kill herself by running red lights, almost run Brooke's car off the road, and now she's almost run over Haley in the parking lot. Peyton apologizes. Haley quips, "Like you weren't aiming." Peyton smiles: "You're not on that list." Peyton wants to give her a ride. Haley hems and haws, but Peyton insists, "Come on, get in." Haley walks around to the passenger side and says, "Guess it's better to be in your car than under it." Peyton wears about a ton of makeup. She looks like a china doll. Peyton turns to Haley and says, "I'm not really good at this." Then she scrunches up her face. Toothpicks pop out from every orifice. Haley's covered in slivers. Haley teases, "Yeah, obviously, you're going to want to put that in gear and give it a little gas." Peyton laughs. And then she tries to be honest with Haley, which is far more than she's ever been with Brooke: "I meant the whole not being defensive thing. Last week in Brooke's car you said 'he cares about you.' And I was trying really hard to be cool and I didn't ask whether you meant Nathan or Lucas." But now she's asking? "In a kind of pathetic way, yeah." Haley says she can't be much help, because she guesses she meant both of them. And do-si-do to the right. Swing your partner round and round. Peyton raises her eyebrows. Say it with me: Shut up, Peyton's eyebrows. Haley says, "Lucky you." Now, you know she's being sarcastic, and her bad-ass quirky self, but you can also detect a hint, just a hint, of jealousy in her tone. Because, man, it would suck that the boy you've loved for years (Lucas) and the boy you're just really starting to like (Nathan) both felt the same way about a girl (Peyton) you're just getting to know. Right. Recapping, not philosophizing about the mind of Haley.
Peyton says, "Look, you don't need my permission. If you like Nathan, it's totally cool, just be really careful." Haley mouths the "be really careful" part of the sentence. She knows; she's heard it about a million times before. Haley teases, "You be careful too!" Peyton thinks they're still talking about boys: "With which one?" Haley answers, "Driving! My mother likes it when I get home alive!" She waves her hand in a circle in the air. The universal signal for "let's get a bloody move on it." Hey, didn't Peyton have cheerleading practice? Dammit! I hate it when they burst my bubble and make me recognize stupid continuity mistakes. It drives me nuts. Anyway, we'll cling to the idea that we know it's Thursday and that the kids all have the day off tomorrow because of the teacher's day or whatever P.A. Days are called in the States.
Later that day, Luke comes into his mom's café and finds her there with Keith, who is chewing on a toothpick. He's so tough. Luke holds a suit jacket. He tells his mom that he needs a new one because that one is too small. He says, "I think I'm going to go to this thing tomorrow." Karen wants to know what changed his mind. "I don't know, nothing really." It's decided they'll get him a new jacket first thing in the morning. After Luke leaves, Keith and Karen look at one another and both say, "A girl." They've added a paper bag of take-out food on the counter to hide Karen's gargantuan pregnancy boobs. Karen leans on the counter and says, "Well, I guess I'm going to have to go to this thing then." Keith: "I thought you had your mind made up, did you get cold feet?" Karen: "Like ice, something about stepping directly into the lion's den." That's all it takes for Keith to agree to accompany her -- warding off evil lizards by the name of Dadzilla. Karen makes Keith promise not to punch Dan unless she asks "real nice." Keith grabs his food and tells her scout's honour.
Peyton adds more lipstick to her already highly stained lips. Bright red. She looks like Drusilla. I suppose, in her own Peyton way, she's styled her hair -- by this I mean taking a wedge, gelling it, and making it stick up on top of her head, not unlike the shot of Cameron Diaz from There's Something About Mary. Brooke wears a fire-engine red dress. Peyton's in basic black, of course. Brooke throws her some lip gloss so she doesn't look like one of the corpses from Six Feet Under. Then, she says, "Tonight's going to be killer. You and Nathan, me and Lucas, open bar." Peyton drawls, "There is no me and Nathan, or you and Lucas for that matter." Her hair looks like two pieces of toast sticking out of a toaster. Brooke: "For now. You know Nathan's loving the idea of you coming tonight." How does she know that? "Because he told me he's still hot for you." Ah, it's the old game of playing both sides against the middle to get what you want. God bless you, Brooke, for being the cattiest chickadee this side of The O.C. Blah they're meant to be together, blah Nathan and Peyton, blah soul mates, blah Peyton's not buying it blah. The last shot of the two of them getting ready is Brooke adjusting her cleavage in the mirror. Heh. I know y'all want to me tell Brooke's cleavage to shut up, but it's just a recipe for so much fun tonight! Shout it loud, Brooke's cleavage -- loud and proud.
Luke fixes his tie and fiddles with his jacket. Couldn't he have taken the time to shave off that damn stubble, though? Haley hops up onto the porch and starts drumming on the front door. Luke opens the door, and she bounces inside. Luke: "What are you doing here?" Haley strips off her jacket and says, "First, I'm saving you from that tie. Second, we need to talk." He wants to do both at the same time. I guess the back door leads right into Luke's bedroom. That's good to know for future reference. He's got all of his ties hanging on the wall. I'm surprised to see more than one. Haley grabs a black tie and hangs it around her neck, tying it while she blabs on about needing to talk to him about "something." She's scared to bring it up, goes on about how Luke's going to hate what she has to say, but she wants to be honest with him in the interest of "full friendship disclosure." Luke chuckles. "What can be worse than you tutoring Nathan, huh?" He looks at Haley, and his face drops completely: "You like him." Haley almost strangles herself with his tie as she yells, "Luke! Do not freak out on me, okay!" Pause. "I can't help it anymore than you can." Luke snaps, "I don't like him." She insists, "I'm talking about you and Peyton." And then, "We don't decide who we like, it just happens." Luke whines, "Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" It's taking Haley about an hour to tie that damn tie. Haley babbles Gilmore-style, "I'm not getting myself into anything! I'm thinking maybe about maybe getting into something that's never going to happen anyways." Ah, smart girls in love, the patter-patter of their beating hearts always tends to come out in how bloody fast they talk. Luke snits, "What could you possibly like in the guy, huh?" Well, that's a funny thing to say considering he's about to go after the guy's ex-girlfriend. There must be some redeeming qualities about Nathan considering that both Peyton and Haley have feelings for the guy. Haley admits, "Different stuff! We connect, yes he can be a total ass sometimes, but I'm telling you that's just a defense mechanism. He really opens up with me." Luke: "You know how I feel about him." She apologizes. He says, "But I get it." Then, like everyone else on the show, Luke warns her to be careful. Haley rolls her eyes; yeah, yeah, she knows.
The House on Ego Hill seems ready for a party. Dan stands at the bar set up in his living room and instructs the twenty-year-old bartender on how to make the perfect Manhattan. She says, "Oh, so that's how you like it." He leers at her. I get grossed out, and it's only television. Deb comes up and pulls him away, gently chiding, "She's young enough to be your daughter. And, in this town, she might just be." Heh. Giggle. Heh. She pulls up his tie to make the knot closer to his neck. I hope her fingers slip and she strangles him. Deb tells Dan about how she talked to Karen and personally invited her to come to the shindig. Dan rolls his eyes. "Deb, you know how important this party is to me!" She answers, "Oh, I thought this party was for the team." He bitches, "So you go behind my back and turn it into my worst nightmare?" But wait, now we see who wears the pants in the family: "Oh no, Dan, your worst nightmare is what'll happen if they show up and you do anything to make them feel uncomfortable in our home."
Cars are parked up and down the street as the other Scotts arrive in their wrong-side-of-town-mobile. Keith's not wearing a tie, but I'll bet he worked hard to get the grease out from under his fingernails. Luke says, "Maybe we should have like a signal, in case one of us wants to leave." Keith cracks, "Maybe we should just leave." Luke wants them to at least give it a try. He says, "How 'bout 'caw'!" Pretty darn freaky, cawing, if you ask me. He's a murder of crows on his own. They all caw, even Keith, albeit reluctantly. At the front door, Luke asks Karen if he's ready. She replies, "Ready as I'll ever be." Luke rings the bell. She takes a deep breath: "But maybe the best plan is to just avoid him all night…" The door opens and Dadzilla appears, on his best behaviour. He smiles and says, "Come on in!" All the relations stand around looking uncomfortable. Hell, I can only imagine what the Christmas episode will bring. Sweet carols around the fire with presents from Santa Dan for all his kids, or not.
Paper lanterns decorate the backyard. The day seems gloomy, but I can't really tell what the weather's like -- someone in North Carolina should email me and let me know for future reference. Dan gives the customary host-and-the-richest-guy-in-town speech. Blah spirit, blah beating in human being, blah spirit, blah lame joke, blah polite laughter, blah Ravens basketball team, blah surplus, blah spirit. Dan drones on as Luke looks at Peyton and smiles. She smiles back. Her hair looks like an ice cream cone. Brooke sees him smiling and says, "Oh, it is so on tonight." Blah team spirit, blah thank my lovely wife blah. Luke smiles again. Jake! Blah financial support, blah the team blah. Whitey eats some nuts. Heh. Dan holds up his glass and gives a toast to the team, their parents, and anyone else connected to Ravens, except Whitey, of course. Sherri, the Booster Bitch, holds up her glass and says, "And here's to our host, Dan Scott!" Dim says, "My parents are such suck-ups." He removes his lips from Nathan's ass only to ask, "So what public humiliation have you got planned for Pucas tonight?" Nathan looks around and replies, "Nothing, Tim, it's a little played out, don't you think?" Dim whines, "Since when?" Dan walks over to the bar, where Whitey is still chowing down on the nuts. He barks, "Had a little sign of omission there in your speech, Danny boy." Dan says snidely, "Didn't I mention the coaching staff?" Woda replies, "If you did, I didn't hear you. Here, you're out of cashews." Heh. He touched all the nuts and only ate the cashews. Heh. Woda's so ornery. I love that about him. Whitey leaves Dan holding a cashew-less bowl of nuts. Damn! Everyone knows cashews are the best nuts!
Dim sidles over to Brooke and looks her up and down. She says, "I'm going to go grab a drink at the bar before it fills up." Because Dim's attracted to the bright red colour of her dress, he follows like a moth to a flame. "You go talk to Nathan. See how he's looking at you." When Brooke moves aside, Nathan is indeed looking at Peyton, but she ignores them both and smiles at Lucas. And Jake! Nathan sees this and looks kind of uncomfortable.
Dim: "They're never going to serve you." Brooke: "Watch and learn. Bartenders love me." When the bartender pops back up, she asks coyly, "Soda or juice." Brooke replies, "Actually, I was going to ask if you know how to make a Screaming Orgasm." The bartender laughs and starts to pour her a drink. She asks, "So what is this thing tonight?" Brooke answers, "Ravens Basketball." The bartender asks derogatorily, "And what position do you play?" A voice from my kitchen screams out, "I play slut!" What Brooke really says is "cheerleader." Then, after all that, the bartender gives Brooke the drink anyway, but asks her not to go around advertising the free hooch to the other under-agers. Dim leans forward and says, "I'll have what she's having." Only the well's dried up; it's soda or juice for Dim.
Karen and Keith sidle up to the bar. She says, "You'd think that after twenty years, your brother's ego would cease to amaze me." Keith: "Try a lifetime." She orders a white wine, and he a club soda. Whitey comes up and asks Laurie to pour him a double shot of her best top-shelf bourbon. Not only is he going to eat all the nuts, but he's bloody well going to give the open bar a good workout too. Damn, I love Whitey. Laurie gets busy pouring while Whitey sees Keith, says hello, and then notices Karen. He smiles warmly. "Well, look at you." Karen: "Coach Durham." Woda: "Most adults call me Whitey. It's good to see you coming around again. Seeing you in my gym really turns back the clock." Karen: "For me too." Then he gives her the highest compliment she can expect to receive at Dan Scott's house: "In my opinion, you have raised a fine son. You should be proud, and not just of the boy." Karen thanks him quietly, and Whitey tips his drink at her.
Luke walks through the party in a vain attempt at, whoops, there she is -- Peyton, the tickle-headed girl of his dreams. She smiles. Her hair looks like an SOS pad. She cocks her head to the side and sawdust falls out of her ears. That was the universal gesture for Let's Get Out Of Here. Jake says, "You know, there are some states that could arrest you for what you're thinking about right now." They shake hands. But wait! The Ravens' bombshell sees target practice and slides up the stairs, which is hard, considering the shoes she's wearing. Brooke says, "Hey Jake, Lucas, two handsome boys for the price of one." Luke tries the quick "hi," then the duck-and-avoid maneuver, but Brooke's too quick for him: "Where you going? I haven't had the chance to invite you to the real party. It's at my house later. I'm only inviting the cool people, but I guess you can come. You too, Jake." Jake says sarcastically, "Aw, thanks Brooke, but I got to cut out early this evening." Luke: "Like that's a surprise." Before he exits slut left, Jake tells Brooke to take it easy on Lucas. Again, Luke tries to get away, but again, she won't let him. Brooke: "What I was going to say was that my parents usually close this place down every year, so if you wanted we could go back to my place and start the party early." See, he's not trying to get away now. Brooke's powers of easy-girl persuasion seem to be working. "We have a Jacuzzi." She flips her hair. He rolls his head back and smiles. Luke: "That sounds tempting, Brooke." She's on fire: "We have a naked me in the Jacuzzi." Luke thinks about it for a second. "What if I told you there was somebody else?" She quips, "Usually, I'd suggest a threesome, but I think the person you have in mind is getting back together with her old boyfriend." She points to Peyton, who is indeed talking to Nathan.
Nathan says, "Did you get my messages?" Peyton tells him she did get all of them. Apparently, he doesn't blame her for not calling him back. Sheesh. Nathan's really matured in the past couple weeks. We don't know if that's Haley's influence or just the realization that his brother isn't necessarily the enemy. Peyton says, "Are you being self-deprecating?" Luke watches the exchange from the other side of the room. He scowls. Dude's got to get a new expression. There's only so many ways you can brood, buddy. Nathan replies, "Probably, if I knew what that meant." She laughs. He laughs. They look uncomfortable. Nathan asks her if she wants to go somewhere and talk. Peyton resists. He insists -- he just wants to talk. Peyton glances over and sees Brooke howling with laughter at something that Luke says. Then Luke sees the two of them walk off. Brooke says, "See what I mean?" He broody-scowls and then walks away. Brooke smiles a cheese-eating grin. Her crazy plan might just work!
Nathan and Peyton walk past Sherri, who catches Karen as she's coming out of the bathroom. Sherri smiles as she insults Karen: "Karen Roe! In Dan Scott's house, with Keith Scott as her date." She talks in this strange baby voice. Karen deadpans, "Nothing gets past you, Sherri." Deb sees Karen from the other end of the hall. Karen continues, "But Keith and I are just friends." She too tries to run away, but Sherri's intent on making her point. "But, of course! One Scott brother to the , we practically need a score card around here to keep up with you." Good grief. Hasn't it been like twenty years between one brother and the ? Doesn't anyone in this town even notice the bloody passage of time? Deb runs down the hallway, practically shoving entire parties out of the way to rescue Karen from Sherri. Deb says, "Karen! There you are, I need your expert opinion in the kitchen. Excuse us, Sherri." Then Deb mutters, "You're lucky she didn't eat you!" Karen laughs, "I know."
Peyton and Nathan end up in his bedroom. At least, I think it's his bedroom. Nathan says, "So, I see you smiling at lot at school." Peyton seems taken aback: "You've been looking?" He admits he has, sometimes. She sits down on the bed. Nathan says, "Look, I don't know if Brooke's been playing games or what; she said you were into us getting back together." Peyton rolls her wooden eyes. "That's funny. She told me the same thing." Nathan tries to say something remotely bordering on the profound, but before he can get it out, Brooke barrels in with Dim on her heels, looking for the vodka. She tries to get out, but Peyton bitches her out: "You know what Brooke? Give it up!" Brooke laughs it off. "Trust me, I'm trying!" Peyton: "You know what I mean." Brooke: "I'm just trying to help." Peyton: "Help with what? Get me out of the way so you can go embarrass yourself in front of Lucas?" Brooke: "That's funny. I didn't realize you were in my way." Now they're acting like girls I recognize. But man, how can you be best friends when all you want to do is step on each other for boys? Brooke: "Are you finally fessing up?" She looks over to Nathan, who seems both hurt and uncomfortable. "Or are you finally denying it?" Peyton looks to Nathan; then she quickly gets up and leaves. Nathan bitches, "What the hell is wrong with you, Brooke?" Brooke scoffs. After Nathan leaves the room too, she opens the top drawer of his dresser and pulls out the vodka bottle. She notices Haley's sweet little care package. Having absolutely no scruples at all, Brooke opens it up and pulls out the card. It's pink with an embroidered-looking "H" on the cover. Inside it says, "Believing you will do well is half the battle. Call me if you need anything at all!" Signed, Haley -- she's double underlined the "at all" and followed the whole thing up with an exclamation point. So sweet! Of course, Brooke sees this as fodder for the big game she's got worked out in her head, so she laughs, and files it away for future reference.
Dan has Laurie fix him another drink that's just "perfect." He sees Keith and cracks, "Thought I'd find you near the bar." Keith holds up his glass and insists, "It's club soda." Dan can't resist; he has to dig in: "That's a good thing, considering." Keith says, "How about we don't do this right now." See, there's the high road, it's the one above Ego Avenue and below Dan's Valley of Broken Dreams. Dan says, "How about you meet me halfway? I say I'm sorry and you say you're sorry. We shake hands and go from there." Keith shakes his head: "You see, that's the problem, Dan, it always has to work for you." Dan turns back to his drink and parrots, "Okay. How about we don't do this right now." But that's not enough for Keith; he wants to say something, so he's going to say it. "You in the mood to apologize, Dan? Why don't you start with Karen? Or Lucas, or even Nathan." Word! Dan retorts, "I'm going to do you a solid, big brother, and just walk away."
Deb gets another glass of wine for herself and Karen. Karen swallows her pride and says, "This is a very nice kitchen." Deb thanks her and then says it's wasted on her. She asks Karen where she learned to cook. Karen replies, "Books, trial and error, a lot of burnt casseroles." Pause. "And I get to experiment at lot at the Café." Heh. The hide-the-pregnant-lady bag of tricks has Karen's lower torso completely hidden by a gigantic urn of sorts, with some strange rocks inside. Deb laughs at the burnt casseroles comment. And then she says warmly, "I'll have to eat there one night." She sees the look of pure horror on Karen's face and assures her that she'll come alone. A waitress comes up to Deb and says, "Hi, there's been a mix-up." Uncomfortable pause. "The baker seems to have delivered the cakes to a bar mitzvah in Charlotte." Karen kindly offers up the great desserts she's got on hand at the Café. And she wants to contribute. Deb doesn't want her to go to any trouble. But Karen insists, "I'll just call Haley." Deb grabs the phone and says, "Haley, is she a tutor by any chance?" Karen replies, "Yeah, she is." Blah it's a small world, blah the girl helping Nathan, blah she must be, blah blah blah, all the hidden secrets are coming out tonight! Let's parrrr-tttt-yyyy!
The boys are playing basketball on Nathan's driveway. It's gotten dark now, so the party must have progressed into the evening. Peyton walks up to Luke and says, "Haven't seen you much today." Luke answers, "Yeah, I know, every time I get into about five feet of you --" She cuts in, "Brooke happens." Luke's got a scar of lipstick trailing down his cheek. He says, "Or Nathan." She confirms, "Loose ends. Those are all tied up now." Peyton notices the lipstick, laughs, and says, "Looks like she got you." She wipes it off. "Right here." Ah, tenderness. Yawn. Brooke wanders into the center of attention. She calls out, "Listen up everybody! It's time to play Truth or Dare. Or maybe just Dare, because nobody really tells the truth anymore." She looks right at Peyton. Then she turns around, "Let's see --" She turns around again: "Teresa! I dare you to go pinch Whitey's ass." The crowd of teenagers oohs and ahhs. Teresa accepts the dare and wanders away. But Brooke doesn't play right; she doesn't wait for Teresa to get back and have her turn, she just continues to run the game. She holds her cup up so it looks like one of the torches comes right out of the top of it, a flame for her flame-throwing red dress of flaming bad intentions. "Let's see, Peyton --" Come on, Brooke. "I dare you to show us how you really feel. Kiss Lucas." The two girls stare each other down in a Tombstone-worthy battle before Peyton shows her two can play at that game, grabs Lucas, and wallops him with one hell of a kiss. Brooke looks upset, and Nathan looks like he's about to crack. When they finally come up for air, Peyton takes off, and Luke's left whirling around stunned. He's never played with the big kids before. Jake smiles in the background. Ah, Jake! Brooke looks at Luke for a minute before sauntering off, but as she passes Nathan, he says, "Why are you being such a bitch tonight, Brooke?" She leans in and says, "I thought you liked that in a girl." He shrugs her off and tosses the patented "put some ice on it" at her before walking away. Ouch! Burned by the flames of desire on one hand and the burning desire to get what she wants on the other -- that Brooke sure is trouble tonight.
Luke follows Peyton out into the backyard. She looks a bit shaken. He says, "So that was --?" She doesn't say much beyond, "Yeah." He asks, "What was that exactly, a game?" She admits it kind of was a game. But it wasn't really one either. Then she smiles and says, "Want to play again?" He walks down toward her, puts his hand up to her face, smiles, and then leans in -- only to be interrupted by Haley saying, "Sorry, ah, sorry." Peyton turns around. Haley babbles, "I just, um, your mom called with an SOS, so I thought I'd just sneak in the back and not bother anyone." In true young gentleman form, Luke asks if she needs any help. Haley says, "No, I, um, ah, you've got your hands full." Peyton laughs. "Carry on!" Haley runs, as fast as a girl carrying about sixteen cake boxes can possibly run, into the house. Peyton and Lucas laugh together, and she kind of sweetly leans into him, all embarrassed-like -- very cute.
Haley deposits the cakes on the counter and says to Deb, "Everything you need, for a first-class sugar coma." Deb opens one of the boxes and says, "Oh, these cakes are gorgeous! Who makes them?" Karen, now hiding behind one of those silver elongated pot-thingies caterers have, holds up her hands, wiggles her fingers, and says, "These guys!" Deb thanks Haley, tells her she'll take care of it from here, and invites her to join the party. Haley protests, says she's got to get back to the Café. Karen asks, "Did you lock up when you left? Turn off the coffee machine?" Yes. "Then you're off the clock." Deb leaves to get the caterer to serve the cakes. Haley says, "She seems kind of cool. How are you holding up?" Karen leans in: "Well, I haven't had to caw yet." Haley doesn't get the reference. But that doesn't matter, because Karen wants to talk about something else: "Haley, why didn't you tell me it was Nathan you were tutoring?" Haley fiddles with a box for a second before replying, "Oh, it's kind of weird. Lucas wasn't really happy about it, so I just figured you wouldn't be too happy about it. I wasn't too sure if I was happy about it." Blah things are okay, blah with Luke, blah Karen too blah. Karen says, "Now go, have fun! It only comes around once." What, fun? Or youth? Or both?
Luke and Peyton sit on a swing in the backyard and smile at each other. Dan sees them and crinkles his eyebrows. Remember, he once saw the very same girl come out of the shower with his other son. And the parallels continue. Peyton holds onto her side of the swing for dear life. Luke says, "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm glad I came." She asks, "So, what do we do now?" He doesn't know. What happens in the story she was telling him? Peyton grabs his leg and says, "Come on!"
Haley stands in the middle of the party, looking mighty uncomfortable. She's hugging her arms tightly around her chest. Man, I would have so left. I'm eons older than Haley and I still hate situations like that -- I would have totally gotten out of there. But wait! Nathan notices her and calls out her name. He smiles and looks all cute and stuff, dressed up in his jacket. She says, "Hey! I'm not crashing, I promise, your mom just wanted some cakes." He scrunches his eyebrows together: "Cakes?" The butterflies leap out of her mouth. She's so nervous. Haley babbles, "Yeah, it's a long story, she invited me to stay and I sort of had a brain freeze and said sure. And it's probably really weird and I'm just going to leave." He says sweetly, "Oh, no, no, no. I'm glad you came." She smiles and looks down: "Really?" Nathan: "Yeah! I mean, I'd even study right now. It'd be a hell of a lot more fun than this suck-fest." Haley says cutely, "Sorry! I'm off duty." Nathan shows off his good manners: "Well, then let me get you a drink."
As they head in the direction of the bar, Brooke calls out cattily, "Tutor Girl!" Nathan sighs audibly and Haley says, "It's Haley." Brooke: "Haley, right! Nathan's own personal little care package. Everything's starting to make so much more sense now." She leers, "You two are adorable." Haley looks so uncomfortable. I feel John Hughes rearing his ugly head again, only this time we're in Pretty in Pink and Molly Ringwald is about to run away from the party at the popular guy's house because all the rich, popular girls are so mean. Wait for it, here it comes, because Brooke goes in for the kill: "What was my favourite part? 'Believing you'll do well is half the battle.'" She looks at Nathan: "You know, Tutor Girl's little love note you passed around earlier, you know, the one that said, 'Call me if you need anything' -- [insert Brooke's highly suggestive voice here] -- 'at all.'" Nathan steps between the two girls and tries to talk to Haley, only she's heard too many people cry wolf too many times about Nathan. The tears well up in her eyes and she says, "Get away from me." Then she exits slut right directly out the front door, leaving Nathan flabbergasted behind her. He turns around and says, "Game's getting old, Brooke." Okay, I understand the need to mess up the relationship between Luke and Peyton, but why screw up things for Nathan and Haley? It's so obvious he and Peyton are over. Why can't Haley be happy too?
Karen's resting her pregnant self on a couch when Deb comes over and says, "Cover me, Sherri's proposing a couples cruise." Karen laughs. Then she tells Deb she has to confess something: "I have been pretty judgmental about you." Deb doesn't get angry; in fact, she's very understanding when she says, "How could you not be?" Karen admits, "I really didn't want to like you." Deb says, "I'm hoping there's a 'but' in there somewhere." Karen goes on, "There is, I was wrong, I'm really glad I've had this chance to get to know you." Dadzilla towers over the back of the couch where the two women are sitting. He sees them and looks mortified. But I think it's awesome. They're developing their own relationship outside of the baggage of Dan, and that's a good thing -- it gives the show depth. We couldn't keep striking Dan's one note all season; why would anyone care? So, Karen tells Deb she's always had lots of questions. She asks, "When you met Dan, did he tell you about me?" Deb answers, "He said he had a girlfriend in high school." Karen nods and asks, "Did you know I was pregnant?" Deb: "He conveniently left that out. I didn't find out about you until we were married and living in Tree Hill." Karen insists, "I would have killed him." Deb admits that she almost did. Then Deb tells the story about how she and Dan met at freshman orientation, which Karen says was a month after she told Dadzilla she was pregnant. Deb: "A few months later, I was pregnant too." So, there's the story. No wonder Dan's so bitter -- he left one pregnant girl back home to go follow his basketball career, only to find his super-sperm playing its own game. Karen laughs: "Well, you know Dan, always the overachiever." Deb says, "Don't take this the wrong way, Karen, but I'm glad I didn't know about you back then, because if I did, I wouldn't have Nathan." Karen says quietly, "I know what you mean, I love my son, but sometimes I wonder how I could have ever been that reckless." Deb says thoughtfully, "We were kids."
Cue the jangling make-out music as Peyton and Lucas burst a door open and start smooching. She takes off his jacket. They moan a lot. She takes off his shirt and kisses his chest through his undershirt. He moans some more. Peyton's lipstick is no longer on her lips. Luke says, "Oh, uh, I've wanted this for so long." Peyton: "Oh, uh, me too." She pulls off his shirt. He stops her for a second: "No, no, I don't mean just this," he puts his hand on her heart, "I want this. I want to be here, I want to have everything with you, I want it all." He puts both of his hands on her face and says, "I want us, Peyton." She stops dead in her tracks. He asks her what's wrong, and she replies, "This wasn't supposed to be that -- why couldn't you just leave it alone." And then she runs out of the room, leaving old horny-toad all revved up with nowhere to go. Poor, poor mixed-up Peyton, always trying to make out with the sensitive boys who want something as horrible as her heart. How does she survive? Luke stands there looking brokenhearted in his wife-beater. He had her for an instant, and now she's gone -- what's a boy to do?
Dan sees Peyton rush by and then goes into the room where Luke's putting his shirt and jacket back on. Dan says snidely, "Interesting. You've always made me out to be the bad guy." Uh, yeah, because you are the bad guy -- a week ago you told Lucas he didn't even deserve your bloody name. He continues, "Maybe you'll judge me a little differently now." Luke snits, "Spare me the lecture." Dan says cockily, "I'm just trying to give you the benefit of my experience." Luke snaps, "In what? Fathering a child or abandoning one?" Dan replies, "Seems to me you're one mistake away from both." Um, they're teenagers who were about to make out, and has no one on this show ever heard of birth control? Luke: "Yeah, well, one's an accident, the other's a choice. Excuse me." And he leaves Dan behind, just like Dan left him behind all those years ago.
Luke fixes his jacket as he walks into the room, and Karen sees him looking disheveled, upset, and more than a little mortified. She walks up and says, "Caw?" And it was really touching. Luke goes to wait in the car as Karen goes to get her coat. She wants to know what's wrong or what happened, but Luke doesn't say anything. She looks at Keith, and he nods.
Brooke tries to grab Luke as he walks through the room. He says, "Come on, Brooke, not now." And then leaves her cold in her fire-red dress. Brooke turns around sees Jake, and tells him "he'll do." Heh. Considering that he's smoking hot, I'll say he'll more than do…ahem. Is that illegal? Jake says, "Oh, Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. Hey, um, it's quite an honour, but I've got to be somewhere." She says, "Oh, right" -- fondle, tie, fondle, pull, fondle -- "the big mystery. What's going on anyway? Lucas turns me down, you turn me down, oh my god, and I've got it! You're both gay! That totally explains it." Jake deadpans, "Yeah, we are, actually, we're gay, whatever you say, Brooke." I'm getting dead sick of the homosexual/-phobic references everywhere. She tries to pull the story out of him, but he leans in and shuts her down: "You wanna know? The truth would kill your buzz." And with that, he walks away, leaving the ghost of Robert Palmer to keep her company in her red dress with its matching lipstick. She's so fine, but where did everybody go?
Karen gets her coat from the den. Dan finds her there and says, "Deb put this room together for me a few Christmases ago." Karen tells him she thinks it's nice. Then she explains, "I just came to get my coat." He asks, "Karen, why are you doing this?" She replies, "For Lucas. And for me." He snarks, "For you? What do you get out of it?" Karen says quietly, "I get to move on. It's really liberating." He seems taken aback -- it's so much easier just hating everyone and everything that makes your life complicated. It's so much harder to actually deal with the decisions you've made in your life. Karen continues, "Look around you, Dan. You have a wonderful life. Why are you spending it stuck in the past?" She walks out and leaves him with his scotch, like so many other people have done tonight. Seems Dan might just be having the worst night of his life.
Luke ends up at the Café. He gets out his key, but finds the door already unlocked. He calls out for Haley and finds her sitting behind the counter, crying big crocodile tears. He asks quietly, "Is this floor taken?" She whimpers and shakes her head. He slides down beside her. She takes a deep breath: "You know, just this once, I deserve a big fat I told you so." Luke tells her she won't get it from him. Ah, he's a good friend. What happened? Exactly what he told her would -- she started believing that Nathan wasn't terrible, but he proved her wrong: "Once again, the smart girl is really stupid." Luke says gently, "Hey, hey, hey," as he wipes a tear off her cheek. "You are not stupid." At least things are working out for one of them, she says: "At least you and Peyton are headed in the right direction." Luke sighs, "If it'll make you feel better, that only lasted for about five minutes." She laughs and puts her forehead on his. "It doesn't make me feel better. Well, welcome back." Luke says, "Where?" She replies, "To normal." They look at each other for a bit. He says, "Yeah. They can have their world." He offers to help her clean up, but she just wants to be alone for awhile. Luke leaves and Haley cries some more, pulls her arms through her hair, and just bawls.
Suck-up Sherri and her husband finally leave. The party winds down. Deb asks Dan, "Was it all you wanted it to be? Because I think it was the first year I actually enjoyed myself. Might have even made a new friend." Dan turns around. She thanks him for being on his "best behaviour" and for "stepping up." Then she kisses him. Ew. A shudder goes down my back. Dan tells her that he can't ever remember feeling more off balance. See, that's what happens when you don't deal with any of your issues until years after the events actually took place.
Nathan goes into his room and finds the card Haley wrote him. Now he understands why she was so upset. He acts like a grown-up, far more grown up than we've ever seen him, and wants to talk to her. Haley's cleaning the counter as he comes up to the front door of the café. He knocks and asks if he can come in, quietly, his eyes begging to be forgiven. Haley just looks at him and closes the lights. Nathan begs, "Haley, please, I didn't know, please, you've got to believe me."
We cut to Jake's sweet voice singing to his baby girl. The baby fusses a bit, and he kisses her, saying, "Sweet dreams, baby, Daddy loves you."
Nathan gets home to find Brooke passed out on his bedroom floor.
Deb watches Dan through the window, sipping scotch in his backyard. And the kingdom falls apart right underneath the eyes of the king.
Peyton doodles in her room. The comic shows Luke with the bubble saying, "I've wanted this for so long." But the caption screams, "And now, we can't have it." Luke watches her through her web cam. It's like he can see her, and she knows it, so she gets up, takes off her jacket, throws it over the camera, and the screen goes black.
week: Haley says, "This is so wrong!" Then Nathan kisses her, and kisses her again. Dan says, "I just think Nathan can do better." Peyton tells Brooke she's done with dating. Then she ends up at a party with Colin from Everwood. He drugs her, and she calls Luke to come to her rescue.