TPTB seem to be inspired by Memento, as we open this week with a grey Volkswagen Beetle -- one of the new ones, not a classic -- barreling down a backcountry road. Peyton's brand of loud music blares. She's driving, and I'm just going to come right out and tell you that it's Brooke's car. Haley's in the passenger seat, enacting some of the most embarrassing air guitar I've ever seen in my life. Shut up, Haley's air guitar. Peyton's head bobs. Both girls are smiling. Haley squishes up her face like she's really enjoying the music. The air guitar switches to air drums, and she screams, "Come on baby." Peyton giggles.
Somewhere in the middle of the forest, Nathan and Luke -- together -- run toward a parked car. Nathan's wearing Luke's sweatshirt. You know, the grey one with Scott's Body Shop on the back. They race into the car, Nathan into the driver's seat and Luke into the passenger side. It feels very, very late at night. They start the car.
The silence talks to her like her empty, broken home, and this bothers Peyton, so she says, "We need some music." Of course, she leans toward the backseat. Of course, the car swerves out of control. You know, Peyton might just be the worst driver in the whole fake world. Haley screams, "Peyton!" She grabs the wheel and rights the vehicle onto the road. Please, will someone just let Peyton crash already so she can smarten the hell up? Anyway. Brooke surfaces from the backseat. She looks very discombobulated. She says, "Where the hell are we?" Haley answers, "Miles from normal." Brooke leans her head between the two seats and whisper-says, "What is she doing here?" Peyton laughs and says, "You invited her." Both she and Haley laugh. Peyton turns up the music.
Luke looks out the window as the tires of the car spin into the mud. He and Nathan look at one another and say, in unison mind you, "Bail!" They open their respective doors and bolt out of the car as fast as they flew into it. They leave the car doors open and race down the dirt road.
Peyton lets Haley pick the CD. The car races along. The headlights come upon Nathan and Lucas in the road. Luke's lip is bleeding and they both look like they've been fighting. The car stops. Peyton says, "Could this night get any freakier?" Nathan's eye is bruised. Both boys are quite tall in terms of television boys. Haley says, "Nathan with Lucas?" Luke says, "Haley with Peyton?" Brooke bitches, "What the hell is going on?" Nathan scrunches up his forehead like the whole concept of seeing his girlfriend with his tutor is just too much too handle. His brain is on information overload. No offense, but he sort of looks like a monkey when he makes that face.
A black screen fades in. "12 Hours Earlier."
The Tree Hill High sign announces that the team will be playing an away game tonight at 7:30 against the Pickerington Pirates. Then it screams, "Go Ravens!" Because basketball rules in this town, in case you haven't noticed. The kids mill about, holding hands, wearing jeans, doing teenager stuff. Haley comes up to Luke and says, "Hey stranger!" Luke quips, "No stranger than you." She harrumphs. Then she throws her hands up in the air. Luke asks, "Did you get my message last night?" She says no, because she was at the library until late studying for midterms. Luke asks cockily, "Yours or Nathan's?" Haley replies, "Both actually." He snarks, "Good luck with that." Then she turns to face him and they stop walking. "You're cool with this, right? Last week, when you said you didn't trust me --" Luke cuts her off: "I know, I didn't mean that, I meant that I don't trust Nathan." Peyton saunters up: "Hey, you got a second?" Haley whines, "Speaking of," and then disappears. Peyton raises her eyebrows. Shut up, Peyton's eyebrows. She continues, "So, last week sucked. But I just wanted to say thanks." She hands him a CD that she burned, illegally -- do you think someone's going to come down and arrest her? Please, please have someone come down and arrest her for music pirating. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, but it would be worthy of her character. Anyway. Luke says, "Wow! You made me a mix?" She says, "I just wanted to clear my karma." What-freaking-ever. Does Peyton even have a clue what that means? The CD is entitled, "P.S. Whatever." See, now that's art in motion. Yawn. Luke jokes, "Does this mean we're dating?" She tilts her head and smiles, "Listen, you've got a long bus ride tonight. I had some free time. Don't read too much into it."
Nathan jogs up to Haley and says, "Hey." He's a man of few words. And when he does deign to speak, it's usually about basketball. Case in point: "Are you coming to the game tonight?" Haley doesn't know. "You should come, we always beat the crap out of the Pinkerington Hicks." She scrunches up her eyebrows. "They're called the Hicks?" Nathan laughs. "Well, no but they should be, that place is all pickup trucks and mullets." She laughs. He looks down at her like he's a boy and she's a girl and he's popular and an athlete and kind of cute and she's a smart girl who no one really notices even though she's very pretty. It's all so Sixteen Candles. He says, "It's definitely worth the road trip." She says, "Okay," kind of quietly, and Nathan jogs off to dribble something or other. Do-see-do to the left, and swing your partner around.
It must be after school, because Deb and Dan are getting ready to go out for the evening. Deb comes into the kitchen. As she does up her purse, she yells, "Dan, come on, we've got to get going." Dan walks in holding a suit bag, complaining about the fact that the SBL dinner is on a game night. Because the world revolves around both him and basketball. Man, I read a review somewhere that described watching Radio as the equivalent of one note being pounded never-endingly upon the piano. I've decided that's an apt analogy for Dan's character. Same note over and over and over and over again. It's a B-sharp, for basketball. Deb says to him, "Honey, it's once a year, we'll go, we'll enjoy a nice adult evening downtown, and tomorrow you can pore over the box scores." Dan puts on his coat and mutters, "I don't understand why we booked a room. It's only a thirty-minute drive." Deb fiddles with his tie: "Because you and your wife are in need of some good old-fashioned alone time." He leans in, sheds a skin, and kisses his wife with his lizard lips. Ew. "I like the sound of that." Ew. Then he says, "Nathan's got his cell, I can keep tabs on the game during dinner." Ping, ping, there goes that note again. Deb grabs her stuff and says, "Dan, why don't we spend forty-eight hours without basketball and see where we wind up, okay?" Sure. She thanks him. They're off to not enjoy an evening away from their gargantuan house.
Heh. Moira Kelly's so pregnant. She's totally waddling and carrying around a beach ball in her stomach. Heh. She comes down the hall holding up two dresses, this week's latest hide-the-baby stunt. One dress is red and the other is black. They might as well put her in a muumuu; it's about the only thing that'll hide that belly, honey. She holds up the red dress and asks Luke, "What does this dress say to you?" He stumbles around a bit -- he is a teenage boy, after all, whose greatest fashion accomplishment seems to be wearing the hood up on his hoodie. Luke's packing his stuff up for tonight. He replies, "Beware of crazy ladies who talk to dresses?" She begs him for his help. "Single and successful or married to her work?" Luke sits on the table: "Is this for that Justice League thing?" She cuts in, "Small Business League, and yes. It's one of the few times in the year I get to dress up and I want to look nice." I hear you on that one, sister. Luke asks, "Is Keith still going as your date?" Karen: "He's not a date, we're just going together. Why would you say that?" Luke: "You guys hang out a lot, and you get along well." Karen laughs, and then says, "I get along well with the guy who delivers our water, doesn't mean I'm going to date him." Luke counters, "But the guy who delivers our water is not Keith." Karen asks, "Where is this coming from?" Luke replies, "I've been thinking, you're not exactly old, Mom." Karen: "Thanks, I think." Blah hurry up, blah he'd be all right with blah his mom dating Keith, blah if that's what she's worried about blah. Karen basically dismisses the conversation and gets back to the dresses. Luke picks the black one. Karen starts to waddle away, but turns around instead and says, "Keith didn't say something to you, did he?" I love it when the grownups act like teenagers. Shows me that things never really change. You guys can look forward to being in some form of high school your entire lives. Luke says, "Oh, you mean about the date that you two aren't going on tonight? Not a word." Karen grumbles, "Aw. Good luck with your game." Luke laughs, "Yeah, you too, Ma." Waddle. Waddle. Wave. Waddle. Waddle.
Peyton's lying on her bed with an open sketchbook on her lap. She's got her cheerleading uniform on, so I guess she's back on the squad. Okay, if Peyton's dad is always away on his dredging boat, then why in the heck is she always in her bedroom? She's got the run of the house, you know? There's a knock. A white facecloth dangles in the door. Brooke slinks in and says, "Safe yet?" She moves further into the room. "No hostile tone, no bitter complaints, no yelling at your best friend because you broke up with your jerk of a boyfriend." Peyton laughs. Brooke says sarcastically, "Oh my God! A smile." Peyton scoffs, "All right!" She leans forward on her bed: "I was a mess last week. I'm sorry!" Brooke throws her arms up in a Y and chants, "Apology accepted. A-P-O-L-O-G-why? Because I love you." She dances in front of the web cam. Then bends over, flashes her butt, and says, "Get your skinny ass up and let's go beat the Pirates." Peyton laughs again as Brooke flashes everyone in cyber-space. "What are you doing?" Brooke grabs the pom-poms: "What? It's a web cam, that's what they're for." No truer words have ever been spoken on this damn show.
The Ravens pile into their Basket-mobile; it's actually called an Activity Bus, which is different from a school bus how? Whatever. Where's Jake? Did he have something better to do tonight then play with the team? Has he been unceremoniously dumped like Luke's other friends? Please, bring him back; we really, really liked Jake. I'm tired of getting to know people, only to have them disappear forever from my life. Woda gets on last, and the tomfoolery quiets down. He yells, "All right, knock it off!" He stops the booming-badda-booming tape playing and continues, "This is our first away game." Nathan got a haircut. He looks like he's on his way to Tigerland. Anyway. Whitey blabs on about the boys sitting on the bus with their mouths shut, focused on the task at hand -- defense. Oh, and Whitey will choose the music. Note the individual earphones locking into individual ears in one collective motion, meant to signify a sort of teenager's groan. Luke rolls his eyes, and that says it's time for "P.S. Whatever." Yawn. Pasty Cline echoes throughout the bus as Whitey takes off his coat and says, "Let's roll!" Oh. My. Lord. Luke actually picks up a book. It looks like a copy of Steinbeck's Of Mice And Men but I can't really be sure.
I guess we're in Pickerington, because there are all kinds of people waving "Go Pirates" signs and screaming, "Go Pirates go!" Well, Tweedle Dum has re-surfaced. He's calling the game into his wee tape recorder, and he's got a ravenshoops.com t-shirt on. Goodness, if I wasn't born to recap this show already -- but his last name is McFadden. His name is Malcolm McFadden. My last name is McFadden. My first name isn't Malcolm, but that's one hell of a shout-out, wouldn't you say? Anyway. Haley sits beside him, flipping through a magazine. Considering she just spent a whack of time on a bus to get there, you'd think she'd have brought something heftier along for the ride. Blah in Pickerington, where the Pirates always suck and the livestock is always nervous, blah, Haley's there, blah what does she think blah. Haley deadpans into the microphone, "I'd rather not be associated with your lunacy, Mouth." Someone who isn't Jake makes a basket. Someone who isn't Jake warms up.
Peyton and Brooke saunter onto the court. Brooke says, "See, Lucas looks even hotter in blue. You should totally hook up with him." Are they the only two cheerleaders there? Did the budget not allow for the whole squad to come tonight? Peyton laughs, and Brooke continues, "What? At the very least, you're due for a little rebound action unless you're still into Nathan." Brooke has a little "R" on her cheek. They really are the only two Ravens cheerleaders. They stop. Peyton tells her she's not at all into Nathan anymore. Brooke replies, "All right. Since you're my pal, you can have a courtesy hold on Lucas for the weekend, but after that, he's fair game." Peyton rolls her eyes: "He's already fair game." Then Brooke turns her attention to Haley: "So what's the story with that one anyway?" Peyton says, "She's tutoring Nathan, supposedly." Brooke: "And hanging out with Lucas? Right, we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them." Brooke stares at Haley. At that exact moment, Nathan walks by and nods in her direction. Haley smiles at him. Brooke grabs Peyton: "Did you see that?" What? "Nathan just gave her the nod." Brooke, very rudely, I might add, points at Haley, and continues, "The 'let's hook up after the game' nod." Brooke leans into Peyton: "Do you know what I think? I think Nathan likes Tutor Girl, but Tutor Girl likes Lucas." Cut to Luke shooting a warmup shot. "And I know I like Lucas, and I don't know who the hell you like anymore." Peyton laughs again. Brooke keeps on talking: "This is all turning into one big love" -- Brooke pauses for a second to think -- "rectangle-plus-one, whatever that is." Heh. And toss up another shout-out to us for noticing that it's definitely gone beyond a love triangle at this point. Can we call it or what? Brooke and Peyton run off -- to join the rest of the squad, I hope.
The buzzer goes off. The scoreboard tells us that the Ravens are up by more than twenty points. Malcolm blabs on about their hefty lead going into the second quarter. Nathan comes up on a Pirate and blocks the shot, only he gets his hands on the ball and knocks it out of bounds. The referee calls a foul. He gets up in Luke's face: "Hey, why don't you try getting your hands up on defense, okay?" Luke grumbles, "Why don't you try not getting beat." Nathan snits, "Why don't I just beat your ass." Where's Jake? Do I need to call the detectives? Has someone informed the FBI? The boys line up for the foul shots. Nathan and Luke get all pissy with each other on the court. Nathan smirks, "Haley's looking pretty fine tonight. I can't wait to get with that." Now, I'm guessing this is trash talk, but I'm thinking that it should be reserved for the guys on the opposing team. Anyway. A Pirate makes his first shot. They take the formation again. The second shot is also good. After it falls through and play resumes, Luke jumps over to the sidelines and says to Peyton, "Hey, I saw Nathan in the shower, no wonder you broke up with him." Peyton raises her eyebrows. Brooke bursts into a fit of giggles. Nathan's got the ball and he's about to throw it back into play, but he chucks it at Luke's back instead. Luke turns around and charges at him full speed. The pair of them land on top of Brooke, who starts to writhe in pain. Whistles blow, and the rest of the Ravens come along to pull Luke off Nathan. The ref throws them out of the game. Whitey yells, "Why are you throwing them both out of the game?" He slams his clipboard onto the gym floor. The whole crowd gets up to its feet. Woda seethes, "They're on the same team." Brooke whines, "Aw, pain!" as she rocks back and forth holding onto her ankle.
The bus stops in the middle of the road, thirty miles from Tree Hill. Whitey calls Nathan and Lucas up from their seats. He says, "Congratulations, boys, in all my years of coaching this has got to be a low point. That little stunt you pulled almost cost us our undefeated record." Well, that would suck. "I don't give a diddly-squat about your issues with your daddy or your girlfriends. As far as I'm concerned you can hate each other until hell freezes over. But if you're going to play on my team." He points to them. "You're going to learn how to work together." Nathan says quietly, "Can't see that happening, Whitey." Woda replies, "Yeah, well you've got thirty some-odd miles to figure it out." Then he smiles in his Woda way. Cut to the bus driving away, leaving Nathan and Luke behind. Nathan says, "They can't just leave us here." Luke replies, "Nice work, idiot." Now, there's a life lesson for you. That one'll be number sixty-five in our World According to Whitey book. Anyone know a publisher?
The bickering starts the minute the bus turns the corner and the boys realize that they are very far from home. Nathan bitches, "This is great, this is just great." Luke tells him to calm down. But that only causes Nathan to bitch some more: "You calm down! My phone's on that bus. My wallet's on that bus." Luke says his wallet's on the bus too. That sweatshirt is so big, it makes Luke look like a scarecrow. Nathan whines, "So what do we do now?" Luke says, "We start walking." And off they go, only this is no yellow brick road; if anything, it's simply paved with good intentions on Whitey's part. You go, Woda.
Peyton paces outside the Pirate's Training Room. Inside, a med student of sorts wraps up Brooke's ankle. She says it's too tight. He moves it. And that's too loose. Ouch! Too tight again. She squints in her sexy Brooke way at him. Then she says, "You're in college, right?" He tells her that he's a junior. She licks her teeth. "I love college guys. You'll be a doctor in two years, right?" He laughs. Brooke leans forward, tilts her head, and keeps right on flirting: "So, tell me Dr. College Boy, if you wanted to give me something for the pain, you could, right?" He tries to resist, but her powers of, ahem, persuasion are quite, well, powerful. Dr. College Boy gets one look at Brooke's legs and turns to mush. She holds out her hand and he opens up the bottle, but before he gives them to her, he asks shyly, "You're not a cop, are you?" Brooke laughs and says no. He gives her one; she asks for another, and he obliges. When Dr. College Boy turns around to get some water from the cooler, Brooke swallows both of the pills, despite the warning that they're extremely strong painkillers and she should only take a half every twelve hours. He turns back around with the water and she says, "Oops! All gone."
Luke and Nathan keep on with the long walk home. Nathan whines, "We wouldn't be out here if you hadn't joined the team." Luke bitches, "No, we wouldn't be out here if you weren't such a jackass about me joining the team." Nathan complains, "Why do you want my life so bad anyway?" Luke scoffs, "Ho, dude, don't flatter yourself, you're the last person on earth I'd want to trade places with." Nathan snits, "Oh yeah, well, all I know is that you came out of nowhere and starting grabbing everything you could from me, my game, my girl." Luke stops dead in the middle of the road: "What about you, huh? I'll bet your grades sucked before you met me, but I didn't see you going to Haley for help then." Nathan steps forward to be more in Luke's face: "Whoever said what me and Haley's got is about grades?" Luckily, a car full of goons drives by just then, interrupting a hell of a fistfight. The meatheads scream, "Hey Ravens!" and stop the car. The door opens, and someone from inside offers to give Nathan a ride. He smirks at Luke and walks toward the car. Luke tells him it's probably not a good idea; Nathan doesn't care, he just doesn't want to walk. He says, "You're not me, you never will be." As Nathan approaches the backseat and leans in, the buttnuts grab him and pull him right inside; then the car backs up, and one of them says, "Two little Ravens for the price of one, get in or the superstar dies." Heh. How can they even take this seriously? "The superstar dies"? You've got to be kidding me. I know they wanted to create a situation where Luke and Nathan had to actually interact for longer then thirty seconds at a time, but come on, "the superstar dies" -- what a load of crap. Nathan looks pissed. Luke looks both pissed and annoyed. How many times is he going to have to save Nathan's ass on this show?
Back at Pickerington High, Haley wanders around the hallway and passes by Peyton, who is still waiting for Brooke. Peyton asks her what she's still doing there. Haley quips, "I'm thinking of transferring. What's your excuse?" Peyton deadpans, "Brooke, she's been in there forever." Oh, wait, "deadpan" is the only delivery Peyton has, because she's wooden. Just then, Brooke appears, and she's totally high. She limps and stumbles toward Peyton with outstretched arms, and then falls onto her friend, saying, "This is my best friend in the whole world, don't you think she's pretty." Peyton asks Dr. College Boy, "What is this?" He mumbles something about Brooke finding some painkillers on the ground and then makes a hasty exit. Just as he goes, Brooke spins around and falls onto Haley, screaming, "Call me!"
Haley's got Brooke, and the two of them walk toward the car. Brooke says, "We should totally hang out more often. What is your name?" Haley. "I don't like that name, let's call you Brooke." Peyton opens the door, and Brooke falls into the backseat. Haley tries to bail, but Peyton asks, "Where's your ride?" Haley tells her she'll take the last bus back. Peyton says, "It just left." Brooke drunks up from the backseat, "That's perfect! Brooke, you can come with us!" Brooke begins to beg Peyton to let Haley, or "Brooke," come with them. Peyton says, "Just don't touch the stereo, or we'll have a problem." Brooke starts singing, "We're going on a road trip, we're going on a road trip!"
The Goon-mobile pulls up to a gas bar; as the car stops, Nathan says, "All right. This is my stop, thanks for the ride, fellows." One goon says, "This one's funny, Thing, let's kill him last." Nathan says, "Your name is Thing?" Thing says, "That's right, Thing." Heh. They're named Thing, Thing 1 and Thing 3. Thing pulls out a pistol, and Thing 3 says, "Take your clothes off, boys, we're going shopping."
The Small Business League dinner is in full swing at this point. It's an elegant affair, all fall colours, pretty table decorations, nice tablecloths. Karen wears her black dress, and Keith wears a nice grey suit. He holds her chair for her as she sits down, holding her hide-the-pregnancy shawl tightly to her midriff. Keith says, "Well, what do you know, we finally got the center aisle this year." He jokes, "The guy must have thought I said Dan Scott." Karen mocks, "No, Dan's table has one spot for Dan and five for his ego." Heh. Speak of the Dadzilla, because Dan and Deb approach the table. Dan says, "Well, well, well, isn't this cozy." Deb says warmly, "Hi Karen." Karen says hello just as warmly. Keith says, "Hi Deb, Dan." Then the four of them get busy looking completely and totally uncomfortable.
Nathan and Luke walk into the store/restaurant/gas bar wearing only their sneakers and boxers. So cute -- Nathan still looks like a little boy, even though he's quite muscular. Heh. Luke's very skinny. He's got some money tucked into his boxers like he's a male stripper. Anyway. Luke consults the list and says, "Hemorrhoid ointment." Nathan bitches, "You know, this is crap. They're morons, not killers. I'll bet that's not even a real gun." Luke advises that they should just play the game, get their clothes, and get home. Nathan agrees. The store owner doesn't like the looks of them; he thinks they're up to something, so he dials 911. Luke says, "Case of beer and we're out of here." Nathan says, "How are we going to pull that off?" This coming from the guy who had a keg party at his house, but whatever. Luke replies, "Would you card us?" As the boys turn around, we see that Luke has "Ravens" in black marker on his back, and Nathan has "Suck." Man, The Things really are idiots.
Brooke's acting like a complete idiot in the backseat of the car. She's waving her pom-poms around, giggling, wiggling about, and generally making a grand nuisance of herself. Then she tosses her poms out the window. She leans forward into the space between the front seats and says, "Don't you two like the same guys?" Haley's got her arms crossed; she's trying not to look uncomfortable. She says, "I'm just tutoring him, that's all." Peyton asks, "So, you're not into him, 'cause he seems to be into you." Brooke collapses into the backseat in her reverie, and then she stares out the back window, examining how exciting the condensation must be to a bug. Stoned Brooke screams, "He gave her the nod!" Haley nods her head. Peyton says, "Just be careful." Haley asks, "What about you and Lucas?" Peyton plays dumb. Haley quips, "Oh, come on! Tortured artist meets tortured athlete, talk about your obvious attraction." Um, I didn't know there was such a thing as a tortured athlete. Anyway. The car starts to beep. Brooke rolls her eyes to the roof and says, "I hear birds." Heh. Peyton bitches, "Unbelievable! Brooke! Did you not think to put gas in the car?" Brooke leans back forward between the two seats: "Answer the question, Brooke." She looks at Haley. Peyton pulls the car over. Brooke: "Why are we stopping?"
Luke and Nathan are back in the car and sandwiched between the Things. Thing says, "Cool, they scored the brew!" Thing 3 wants to know why they didn't get the porn. Luke interjects, "Hey, you've had your fun, now give us back our clothes." Thing 1 says that he's "done" with these "clowns." Now there's the pot calling the kettle freaking black there. He wants to go somewhere and get wasted. Thing 3 bitches, "Without porn?" Oh, good grief, these kids are moronic; Nathan wasn't joking about Pickerington Hicks. Anyway. They all hear the cop car approaching. So, Thing puts the car into gear and makes tracks. They barely get out of the parking lot before the unit car pulls in with its sirens blazing.
They park the car just off the main road. The cop car drives right past. The Things hoot and holler. Luke snits, "Yeah! Right! All right! Yahoo! Yeah, enough's enough. Give us our clothes." Thing holds up the gun. "Didn't they teach you how to say please in the suburbs?" Nathan grabs it: "He said, give us our clothes, you hick." The Things laugh as Nathan inspects the gun. "Great," he says, "it's a starter pistol. I knew this thing was a fake." Thing 3 says, "Yeah, but our fists are real." Thing says, "Look, we'll give you guys your clothes back, we'll even give one of you a ride home." Luke: "What do you mean by one of us?"
They've given the boys their basketball shorts back. But they're still half-naked. Thing gives them the instructions -- they'll watch Nathan and Luke beat the crap out of one another, and they'll give a ride home to the one left standing. The game is called Gladiator. "The loser, well, he loses." Now, there's eloquence for you. Thing 3 takes a swig of beer and barks, "Let the games begin!" Nathan and Luke give each other a look. Surprisingly, Thing catches this and says, "The game isn't called two punks staring at each other, it's called Gladiator." Luke steps forward and says, "You guys can screw yourselves, because there's no way the two of us are going to fight." And right on cue, Nathan nails Luke in the face. Luke does his patented race-at-Nathan-and-push-him-to-the-ground move, and we're off to the races. Like the two of them needed an excuse to beat the crap out of each other.
The Things egg them on. Nathan punches Luke. Luke punches Nathan. Nathan throws Luke onto the car hood. The Things scream, "Yeah! Whoa! Yeah!" Luke kicks Nathan, who says, "Not only do I get to kick your ass, but I get to give you thirty miles to think about it." Luke pummels his brother. Nathan picks him up and tosses him back on the car hood again, and keeps him down by bracing his neck with his forearm. Luke says, "What the hell are you doing, man? We're fighting now?" Nathan screams, "You want it?" The Things wail. Then Nathan jumps around Luke, dives into the car, and grabs the keys from the ignition. He holds the keys up, and the Things brace for disaster. Nathan asks Luke if he's okay. Nathan says, "Pickerington morons." Thing says, "Give us our keys." Luke says, "Give us our clothes." Thing: "Fine." He tosses a white sock at him. Nathan twirls the keys; he's got a game for them, it's called Keys for Clothes. Sort of like strip poker in reverse. Thing 3 says no way. Nathan says, "Fine. We were walking anyways." Only then do they agree. Nathan: "Give him his sweats." Luke: "That's worth a house key." Nathan tosses a key to Thing. How do they get the keys off the ring so easily -- that process usually takes me a freaking hour, even when I have longer nails. At least we know that this is one time Nathan's cocky nature has actually worked in his favour, even if Luke's face will look like a bruised apple tomorrow.
Peyton can't get a signal on the cell phone. She complains. Haley tells her to pop the trunk. Brooke whisper-drunks, "Peyton, don't listen to her, it might be a trick." Haley finds the spare gas jug, shakes it, and says, "Yeah, it's empty. I saw a gas station a few miles back. If I'm not back in an hour, tell my mom I loved her." Brooke leers, "Don't you mean Nathan!" Peyton says, "I'll go with you." Brooke: "What about me?" Cut to Peyton shutting the door, leaving Brooke to scream, "I could suffocate in here." Um, can't she just unlock the door from the inside? She is in the car, where the locks are? Anyway. Haley jokes, "You did crack a window, didn't you?"
Dan blows serious steam out of his ass at the dinner. Blah Scott Motor Company, blah regional leader, blah big talker, blah bullcrap blah. There's one other couple at the table. The husband asks, "So you two are in business together?" Dan replies, "Ah, no, Keith runs a garage." Keith smarts, "I fix the junk that he sells." Dan goes on with some crap about realizing his dream because of Keith's lack of initiative. Keith says sarcastically, "Oh. Was it really my influence, Dan? Because I thought it was Deb's money that bankrolled your dream." Dan laughs uncomfortably, trying to save face. Blah Deb's father, blah leap of faith, blah investment, blah back tenfold blah. "And every good businessman knows it's a long road from seed money --" The other fellow cuts in, "To profits." Dan points his finger: "To profits, exactly." Wow, I'm surprised his arrogance hasn't oozed out onto their main course; it's certainly seeping its way into all of their clothes. What hogwash. Karen and Deb sit there quietly. Dan says derogatorily, "So, Keith, you can talk about being a self-made man, but made into what?" That's Keith's cue to excuse himself from the table. Wow, Dan just doesn't know how to shut the hell up. I'm so shocked that the adult in the show, the father, the successful businessman, seems more messed up than any of the teenagers. How do you get that far into your life and never deal with any of your issues? How has he not had a heart attack or something?
The game of reverse strip poker has just about ended. There's only one key left. Of course, it's the car key. Thing says, "Give us the car key, we'll give you the shirt." Nathan says, "I can live without my shirt." And just like that, he chucks the key deep into the woods. The Things watch it like a tennis ball at Wimbledon. Just before he and Luke run away, he says, "Have fun walking." Thing says to Thing 1 and 3, "Just find the key. I'm going to kill those guys."
Peyton and Haley walk slowly back to gas station. We're deep into Breakfast Club territory now. All the roles have been decided, popular girl, smart girl, pretty, stoned girl -- wait, was there one of those? Anyway. Now it's time for the bonding. Haley asks quietly, "What did you mean before, about Nathan, and you said be careful." Peyton replies, "I just know him, that's all." Haley: "As said the ex-girlfriend." Peyton: "Look, we were crazy with drama, but I'm over it. He's not a complete waste; he's just really threatened by Lucas. It could all just be a big mind game, that's how he works." She pauses for a second and then asks Haley, "Do you like him?" Haley stumbles around the question for a while: "We talk about stuff. You know what I mean." Like what? "School, homework, his dad." Peyton rolls her eyes: "Daddy sure did a number on his boy, right?" Haley says quietly, "Yeah, both of them." Peyton changes the subject: "So, you didn't answer my question, do you like him?" Haley says honestly, "It doesn't matter. It would be too weird around Lucas." Peyton answers just as truthfully, "That's his problem. You've got a life to live too." Haley: "It just seems so selfish." Peyton: "Why? Did he ask you if he could go out with me?"
Now, don't start hurling things at your screens, but I take Peyton's point of view here. I've never understood the idea of letting friendships suffer because of stuff like this, just like Peyton is sort of saying; if you're friends, that bond should be able to withstand dating someone your friend hates -- but I know this show can't have everyone just getting along week, so we're back into the ridiculous mentality that if you date someone who's a mortal enemy, you can never be friends again. And Peyton's also right -- why should Haley have to suffer her happiness just because Luke can't stand Nathan? When Luke's obviously not prepared to do the same when it comes to Peyton. For once, the girls are portrayed as mature and reasonable; usually they're about to get into some catty wickedness right about now. Anyway. Haley asks, "Did he ask you out?" Peyton laughs, "No! But that's not the point. He wouldn't ask permission, so why should you." Haley wants to know what Peyton would say if he did ask. She replies, "It depends on what song is playing, am I in a good mood when he asks, is he smiling or is he doing that goofy, brooding thing he does." Heh. Haley turns to face Peyton: "Oh, you know I think he's definitely doing the brooding thing!" They laugh about how he makes that face all the time. Haley continues, "It's strange, a night away from school, it feels like you and I actually live on the same planet." Peyton: "It plays tricks on you like that." An owl hoots in the background. Heh. An owl, that's a nice touch. At least it's not a claw scraping and Brooke's not dead like in some bad teen-slasher flick. Here, the night's all innocent and stuff; the only thing it's changing is the strange border that exists between different groups of people during high school.
Keith's sitting in the hotel bar with some whiskey. You go, Keith, way to drown your sorrows, buddy. Way to leave Karen at the table with Dan and Deb all by herself; probably not the best way to win her heart. Anyway. Deb comes into the room and asks him if she can "bankroll" another drink for him. Keith apologizes for dragging Deb into his pissing match with his brother. Deb says Dan's got a gift for that sort of thing. Then she says, "You know," and she sits down, "you and Karen really go nicely together." Man, I like Deb more and more each week; she's a supremely decent human being. Keith takes a sip of his drink: "I don't think she sees me that way." Deb: "How do you see her?" Keith replies, "She's amazing. She's strong and she's beautiful, and you know, she's a great mother to Lucas." Pause. Deb leads him on with a quiet, "So?" Keith answers, "A relationship would just complicate things." He asks why she stays with Dadzilla. We're hoping it's because he drugs her, but instead, it's a fair answer -- she still catches a glimpse of the boy she fell in love with every now and again. But on the whole, she just doesn't know, but she's also got Nathan to consider. In another wholly good-hearted way, Deb jokes, "Come on, let's go rescue Karen." I think they've done such a good job with the character; she truly balances out Dan's evilness. He seems even more damaged now that you know he must have been a different person before, because Deb's so cool that she couldn't have fallen in love with a complete asswipe.
Nathan and Luke hide in the woods and watch the Things search in vain for their key. Luke says, "I can't believe you sucker-punched me." Nathan returns, "I had to, it got us out of there, didn't it?" Luke takes off his sweatshirt and gives it to Nathan so he doesn't freeze his ass off. Luke says, "What's your master plan, genius, going to hotwire the car?" Nathan smirks, "Nope. Those idiots are going to flip out with they find the key chain with no car key." Hell, we've got to give Nathan some credit; he's quite smart in situations where he and his brother have gotten kidnapped by Things and are stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Damn! The gas station's closed and the phone's still not working. Peyton says, "What are we going to do?" They focus their attention on pickup parked near the end of the lot.
Nathan and Luke scheme up a plan. Nathan says they'll get the car, drive into town, find a phone, and ditch the car. Luke wants to know what they'll do if the Things report it stolen. Nathan: "I kind of think the cops got the license plate before, right." Exactly. Blah they pull them over, blah pin anything on them blah. Nathan counters, "What if we sit here and talk about all it night? Got any better ideas?" Luke sighs, "I'll drive." Nathan says no, he will.
We're back to the beginning when the two of them jump into the car. Y'all know what happens. The wheels spin into the mud. They bail. The Things give chase. They yell crap about how the Ravens suck and about how they've still got Nathan's shirt. Nathan and Luke run off into the night.
Haley investigates the back of the truck and finds some garden hose. She asks Peyton to hold the gas can, and pulls out a pocketknife. Peyton jokes, "Or you'll stab me?" Haley says, "A girl can't be too safe!" She cuts a piece of the hose and tells Peyton to get the gas cap off. Peyton asks, "Does this really work?" Haley: "We are about to find out." Within seconds, Haley is right in there, sucking on the hose. Peyton: "Had a lot of practice?" Now, you dirty minds, don't go there. It works! They laugh. Peyton calls Haley the "fourth" Charlie's Angel.
The Goon-mobile cruises by as the boys taunt Nathan and Lucas, who are hiding in the ditch. Now it's time for the pair of them to have a "real" conversation. Luke gives Nathan props for the car keys move. "Yeah," he says, "doesn't change the fact that my dad's going to kill me for getting kicked out of that game." Luke doesn't say anything. Nathan tells Luke he should feel lucky sometimes. Luke snaps, "Lucky to not have a dad?" Nathan: "At least this one." Then he tells a sad story about a Little League baseball game, where Nathan took the chicken route and walked a good hitter. Apparently, Dan grabbed him by the arm, kicked him, and then benched him. He's like the worst incarnation of a Canadian hockey dad. You know, there was a case a couple years back about a hockey dad actually killing a coach after fighting with him over a league game. That kind of behaviour truly goes beyond sports, how it's not about learning the game, it's about winning. Blah Dan's hard on Nathan, blah that sucks, blah think about that time Luke's feeling sorry for himself, blah pensive faces blah.
When Deb comes back into the dining room, Dan's on the phone leaving a message for Nathan. The message: "Call and leave your stats on my phone as soon as you get this." Good LORD. There's that note again; I just can't get it out of my head, it's clanking and clanking away. Keith helps Deb back into her chair, because he's a gentleman. He would never talk on a cell phone during the middle of formal dinner like some people. Karen asks if he's okay. Keith: "Yup. I'm just a bit hammered." It's only 11 AM here, but I sure wish I were hammered. Wait, I'm still recovering from a going-away party we had at work this Wednesday. Anyway. Deb smiles and says, "Sorry, Karen, it was my fault." Deb looks at Dan. He says in his most arrogant tone, "What?" She replies, "I thought we said no basketball." He bitches, "What do you want from me, Deb? You leave me here with Karen and these two?" The "two" look disparagingly at Dan, the Asshole Man. Dan turns to Keith: "How you doing, Boozy?" Keith almost spits out his wine. Karen gets up to go, as do Deb and Dan. Dan can't help but dig that knife in even further: "She may not be much of a date but at least she's a reliable designated driver." Does his guilt drive him this mad? Does he hate himself this much that his behaviour has come to this? Karen ignores him. Keith gives as good as he gets: "You ought to spend a little less time worrying about my relationship and a little more time worrying about your own." Here! Here! Dan leans in: "If you call chasing after my leftovers a relationship." Keith takes a drunken swing at Dan, who, of course, sees the punch coming and tosses his brother into the table. Karen screams, "Keith! Keith!" She wants him to leave with her. In fact, she begs him to go with her. Dan says, "It was a joke." Well, we all see where Nathan gets it from now, don't we. Deb shakes her head at Dan. She can't even believe his ridiculous behaviour.
Haley puts the gas into the tank as the convertible top moves down to reveal Brooke passed out with her ass in the air, lying face down on pom-poms. Heh. Peyton cackles. Haley cackles. Hell, even I cackle a little bit.
The coast seems clear for Nathan and Luke. They laugh over the absurdity of Thing, Thing 1, and Thing 3. Luke says, "Hey, what are we doing hiding from these idiots anyway? I can hold my own, and I know you can throw a pretty damn good punch." They head out to face the Things like, I don't know, brothers in arms.
Deb comes into the bar. She's changed out of her gown and into the clothes she was wearing earlier. She asks Dan if he's going to stay down there all night. Dan replies, "I made a call. Nathan got thrown out of the game tonight for fighting with Lucas." Deb says thoughtfully, "Fighting with his brother, hmm, wonder where he gets that from." Dan ignores her: "His phone's turned off, no one's answering at home." Deb wants to know that he's okay. Dan shakes his head. Then, he apologizes for tonight by saying, "I don't know how things got so out of hand." Deb says, "Things didn't get out of hand, Dan, you did." How did he end up with someone so reasonable? Dan doesn't like that answer. Deb continues, "You provoked him." Dan changes the subject, because anyone calling him on his ridiculous actions might mean he'd have to either a) account for his behaviour or b) atone for it, and he's really not willing to do either. He says, "Nathan's prospects took a huge blow tonight. Can we just not focus on him?" Twang. Bang. Crash. That note is giving me a migraine. Deb looks at her husband: "That's the wrong answer, Dan, and if you don't know that, then I'm not sure I know you anymore." Dan snits, "Well, that's a two-way street." And then she leaves him with his drink and goes upstairs to pack. Ah, the best laid plans, eh? All she wanted was a romantic dinner with her husband, and instead, she got this? Poor Deb -- I hope she leaves his ass and takes both her money and her son with her and moves in with Karen. That would teach him.
Where's Jake? Anyone seen his image on a milk carton?
Silence washes over that part of the evening where it feels really dark, like it might never end. Haley says thoughtfully, "He cares about you, you know." Peyton doesn't say much beyond, "Yeah." And "we need some music." Haley slips the bracelet Nathan gave her off her wrist and holds it in her hand. Peyton reaches into the backseat, and the car veers off the road. Haley rights the wheel, which jolts Brooke back into consciousness. Cue the "where are we" and the "miles from normal" we heard earlier. Brooke says, "What is she doing here?" Peyton laughs, "You invited her!" Then, on goes the music, and Brooke collapses back into the seat, holding her ears.
Karen holds an ice pack to Keith's face. He says, "I can't believe I let him get to me like that." Yeah, exactly, blah they both should know better blah. Keith says drunkenly, "You should be able to count on me. It's like I can see the guy I am in my head, and I see the guy I want to be, and there's just, it's not the same." Karen says gently, "That's okay, Keith, I like who you are, and I do count on you." She moves his feet onto the couch after she puts his hand to the ice pack, and then gets up to spread a blanket over him. "Can I tell you a secret?" Sure, he says. "Lucas called tonight a date." Keith laughs. "And for a while, I pretended that it was, and it felt good." Keith says, "Can I tell you a secret?" Of course. "I pretended that too." Aw, my heart's breaking here, guys -- so cute! Karen smiles warmly. He takes a deep breath and says, "I love you. Always have." And then he passes out. And Karen's mouth drops open. Wonder whose baby it is she's carrying then? Ha, just kidding. That was a very sweet scene -- well done, guys. No anvils dropped out of the sky, nothing felt forced; it was just one lovely man telling the woman he's always loved, but was too afraid to say anything to, how he truly feels. Man, it makes you wish that sort of stuff happened in real life; it's just like a fairy tale.
Blah air guitar, blah laughing, blah air drums blah. Brooke sits in the backseat with a towel wrapped around her ears. Haley says, "Nice! What's ?" Peyton replies, "I don't know, you pick." Brooke Molly-Ringwalds forward and says, "This is so tragic. You guys don't actually think you're going to be friends tomorrow, do you?" Well, that brings the mood down. Haley takes a deep breath and looks out the window.
Nathan and Luke walk the long road home. At least they're not fighting anymore, but they are still on the same two or three topics they've been on all night. Luke says, "Look, this Haley thing, for some reason she feels like you're not full of crap. Don't take advantage of that." Nathan defends himself: "I'm not going to." Luke: "I know you're not, because if you do you're going to live to regret it." Nathan: "Bring it on." Then he stops and says, "Hey, listen, look, man, you didn't have to get in that car when those guys grabbed me, especially when you warned me not to." Luke tells him to forget it; then he pays Nathan an odd compliment: "If they'd have taken you out, who else am I going to fight with." They carry on down the road, but hear a car coming. Poised for battle, they stand in the middle of the road and wait for the Things -- only it's Peyton, Haley, and Brooke.
No one talks on the way home with Nathan, Brooke, and Lucas in the backseat as Peyton drives. Luke's voice-over at the end says, "As happens sometimes when a moment's settled and hovered and remained, for much more than a moment." Cut to the day when Haley sees Peyton and Brooke walk by at school, and her face first lights up with expectation, then falls with the realization that that night changed nothing. "And then stopped for much, much more than a moment." Peyton turns around, but Haley leaves before they can share anything more than the thought of a look, and the reality about their situations, their stations, their groups, their roles, sits on Haley's pretty face. We cut back to the car driving down the road in the dark night. "And the moment's gone."
week: Dan and Deb throw some fancy party. Brooke teases Peyton about Lucas. Dan flirts with a waitress. Oh, and Peyton and Luke finally kiss. It's about bloody time too. But wait, isn't that Haley crying behind closed doors?