Welcome to the series premiere of One Tree Hill. I'll ask that your seat backs are fully upright, and that the snack comes complete with heaping tablespoons of sarcasm. Let's hope this is like riding a bicycle; it's been a while since I cracked my knuckles and wrote a recap.
One Tree Hill begins. We hear a basketball bouncing on pavement, its familiar echo hollow against the black screen. The music starts up and we see Chad Michael Murray, a.k.a. Lucas Scott, bouncing his basketball across an old, small-town bridge. He's wearing a grey hoodie. He looks like a cross between Eminem and Rocky. We'll call this look The Reminem. Cut to Hilarie Burton, a.k.a. Peyton Sawyer, driving her vintage car with its spicy red steering wheel on the back roads of said small town. It's dark. She's listening to loud music and bobbing her head up and down. Whatever, Peyton, we know you don't really like punk music, so don't even try to fake it.
Cut to The Whitey Durham Field House. There are lots of kids milling about in a high school gym. The varsity b-ball team warms up with some practice shots. It's all net from where I'm sitting. Well, apart from "he's got game," that about exhausted my sports commentary.
Cut back to Lucas still bouncing, still brooding, and still wearing his hoodie with the hood up.
Inside the gym, James Lafferty, a.k.a. Nathan Scott, attempts a three-pointer. From the bleachers, his father, Dan Scott, says, "Nathan. Remember, twenty shots, no less." My guess is that basketball dads are Tree Hill's version of the Canadian hockey dad. The rare breed of man who lives vicariously through his son, putting pressure on him to become the Wayne Gretzky, never missing a game and almost coming to blows with the notoriously bad calls the local ref is sure to make. Games consist of screaming at their kids from the cold arena benches, berating them for making the wrong pass or missing the chance to score, and essentially teaching their kids that life is all about winning and not just playing the game. From that one sentence, I'm poised to make a judgment call about Dan Scott -- he's over-involved in his kid's life when it comes to this sport. As Nathan makes his practice shot, Coach Durham walks by and says, "Quit yanking and warm up." Nathan smiles. Coach gives a knowing look to Dan, and they share one hefty moment of past glory. Right -- not only is Dan Scott obsessed with his son's basketball career, but he's also a former player on the varsity team himself. Now, he's a car salesman -- how's that for broken dreams?
The game moves at breakneck speed. There's an actual commentator. I didn't know they did that for high school games. There's Peyton, who in addition to liking punk music also seems to be a cheerleader. Well, good for her, I hear you need to be well-rounded to get into college these days. Anyway, blah dee blah Nathan's got the ball, blah dee blah some sort of lay-up, blah dee blah stealing the ball, something about an offense and wham, he shoots, he scores. Wait, wrong sport. Nathan does a "turnaround jumper" and scores again. So far, he's scored seventeen points, and I'm in the Land of Nod. The announcer makes some reference to the team not being this good since Dan Scott played for Whitey. Does no one except me think it's funny every time they call him Coach Whitey? Heh. No one should have a nickname for a real name. Peyton waves her pom-pom. Coach Whitey's team is called the Ravens. Please don't let them ever make reference to basketball and Edgar Allan Poe. I might just have to hang myself with a basketball net. Nathan's dad smiles widely as the prodigal son sinks another three-pointer.
Back on the wrong side of town, Lucas arrives at an outdoor basketball court near the river. The back of his hoodie reads, "Keith Scott Body Shop." Nathan takes off his hood and starts throwing some practice shots. There are commentators here as well: a couple of Lucas's friends who, I'm guessing, make calling the local games a part-time job. Lucas smacks hands with a couple of his b-ball brothers, points, and then sends his cocksure smirk at the "commentators." Apparently, Lucas is 137 and 3 going into tonight's contest. He's a regular wrong-side-of-the-hoops superstar. No one has missed a basket tonight. What kind of stats do these kids have? Shouldn't they already be recruited by the Toronto Raptors and be making a bazillion dollars with endorsement deals if they're that good? Hell, even Superboy misses a basket every now and again. Anyway. Some kid named Junk will be playing Lucas tonight. Junk busts out the obligatory trash talk on the poor commentators by telling one of them that he's got bad body odor. Lucas hasn't taken off his earphones yet. He's so cool; he can play with the headphones on, pumping up the jam as he clears the net again and again. Um, if it's not glaringly apparent, after recapping one episode of this show my name might be Whitey.
Barry Corbin's lost all of his hair since coming home from Alaska. He yells, "You guys are stinking up the place! Time out!" And the subtle machinations of the contrived nature of this show continue -- see, Stinky literally stinks, and right now, the Ravens metaphorically stink. What this tells us is that people actually smell when they come from the wrong side of the tracks. Yawn -- even I'm tired of the sports metaphors and we haven't even gotten to the credits yet. So, they "hustle" and then "huddle" up -- wait, that's football. Whitey dresses them down for not playing as well as they should be playing. Nathan cracks, "Whitey, relax, we're up by nine." Whitey doesn't take kindly to the star player being such a wise-ass, so he benches him. Nathan gets all pissy as he makes his way to the bench. The crowd erupts into "Aw, come on! What's going on? Aw!" Nathan puts on his warm-up jacket. Whitey snarls through his worn-down teeth, "What have I told you about that? I don't care if we're up by fifteen or fifty, it's still my team." He turns away from Nathan, who says under his breath, "Whatever you need to believe." The Coach gives him the evil eye. You know, Barry Corbin has an excellent evil eye. Nathan's got a bad attitude. See, he can be cocky. He comes from the right side of the tracks. He's the star basketball player. He's the biggest fish in this very small pond. Hence, he can act any way the wind blowing on his balls might want to take him.
The game's in full swing back at the Riverside Courts. Lucas kicks ass all over the place, of course. The commentators yap away like small dogs after a doorbell rings.
The Ravens starts to tank because Nathan's been benched. The first basket we've missed comes from one of Nathan's teammates. The natives are getting restless. Where's their star? Come on, Coach! Whitey grimaces and chews some tobacco. He puts Nathan back into the game. Peyton waves her pom-pom. Then she says, "Let's go Nathan!" Someone hands Nathan the ball to throw it back into play. Before he runs into the court, Peyton says, "Don't bother showering tonight." See, the right side of the tracks means that you can stay dirty by choice. And if your cheerleader girlfriend tells you to stay dirty, sweaty, and smelly, well, it's hot. But honestly -- ew, Peyton, that's gross.
Tweedledum and Stinky are still yapping on about Lucas's shoes and his lack of endorsement deals. Like this kid's ever going to play professional baseball. He's too short. Lucas whips the ball at one of them and knocks him out cold. Well, not really; he just continues to play ball.
The Ravens' game is down to the wire. Nathan shoots for the win with only ten seconds left. The ball leaves his fingertips. The commentator says, "Scott for the game!" Cut over to Riverside, where Tweedledum says, "Scott for the game!" Whoosh. Nathan scores. Whoosh. Lucas scores. Whoosh.
The gym erupts into post-winning chaos. Boys jump on boys. Whitey screams, "All right!" Dan claps and smiles, happy in the knowledge that his son carries the torch of great b-ball genes. He didn't disappoint tonight.
Later, after the game, a school bus barrels down a side street. Music pumps inside as cheerleaders and players are cavorting after the game. One knuckle-headed teammate slaps Nathan on the shoulder as he drives the bus. "Dude!" he says. "Tell me we didn't just steal a school bus! 'Cause this feels like we just stole a school bus." Nathan smiles in his cocky way and says they're just borrowing it. Where'd they get the keys anyway? And where did the school bus come from in the first place, because I thought they were playing at their home school?
Peyton drives her car really fast around a corner. Why didn't she go on the school bus? She bobs her head and looks at a CD while she's driving. Lucas has his Reminem hoodie back on. He bounces the ball as he walks down the street. The bus careens toward a railway crossing where, of course, a train is coming. A high school version of Hotlips Houlihan says, "Hey, Nathan? Where's Peyton?" He doesn't know. She grabs him and jams her tongue down his throat. Note that Nathan is still driving. The bus carries ALL the cheerleaders and ALL of the basketball team. Now that's a mass memorial service waiting to happen. The train steams. Peyton looks for another CD in the back seat of her car. While driving. Nathan makes out with Hotlips. While he's driving. The train hurtles toward the crossing. Someone on the bus screams, "Watch out!" Peyton slams on the brakes because she almost runs over Lucas. The bus stops in time. Whew. Everyone is safe. Except of course for the subtlety of metaphor, which drowned in the obscene misuse of the literal interpretation of the whole "wrong side of the tracks" thing they've got going on. Anyway, there was a cop car stationed near the train tracks, I guess to catch the basketball team who stole the bus that stopped just in the nick of time before crashing into a train meant to symbolize the different worlds of Nathan and Lucas Scott. Can they arrest the writers for murder of metaphor in the second degree?
Lucas drops his hood and smolders at Peyton. Has Chad Michael Murray patented that look? Does he have it insured like J. Lo insures her ass? He sure works it like it's J. Lo's ass. Peyton's not impressed. He takes out one of his earphones, hoping, I think, for her to at least apologize for almost mowing him down with her punk rock car. She doesn't. She gives him a snotty look and waves her hands, motioning for him to get his hot little ass out of the way. Lucas shakes his head a little bit, squints his pretty little eyes, replaces the earphone, and jogs away in his masculine way. I'm a little upset with Chad Michael Murray. I mean, he left Stars Hollow for Worthington, and now he's back in high school. But we're not supposed to mention Charlie or Tristan, so sshhh; it's our little secret, okay? We won't tell anyone he's so dumb that he doesn't even remember loving Rory or singing to Joey.
The kids and their parents are in the coach's office with the police and the man I'm assuming is the principal or vice-principal. They keep flashing back to a murky version of last night's events where the cops rounded up the kids after their joy ride. The long and short of the matter: stealing the bus, getting drunk, and almost killing yourselves by ramming said bus into a train -- not such good things to do when you want to play varsity basketball. Everyone gets suspended from the team except Jake Gegowski, Ruben Coterez, Tim Smith, and Nathan Scott. Ain't it funny how life works? You're the star on the high school basketball team, your father has mad cash, you get to stay on the team even though you were the ringleader and should be the one they punish. Now, what kind of lesson is that to teach the youth of today? When Nathan's name is called, his father gives him a knowing don't-worry-son-I took-care-of-this look. What crap. So neither Nathan nor his father has a sliver of moral awareness Yeah, they're great role models for a community.
Coach Whitey walks outside, away from the meeting that just took place. Dan follows him outside to bitch him out about what just happened in there: "Half the team suspended, Nathan triple-teamed for the rest of the season and you say nothing?" Are we all forgetting the point here? The point is that they're kids who broke the law and need to be punished. Whitey stands tall: "The inmates will not run the asylum." You go, Whitey. I'll back you up. Here's the funniest line yet tonight; Dan, who must have paid the cops to make sure Nathan doesn't get in trouble says, "You're despicable, you know that?" Whitey shakes his head and smiles ironically. Dan continues, "Letting the dreams of this team just vanish. You're full of crap." Whitey walks away, but only after he replies, "It comes with old age, Danny. Constipation." Heh.
Riverside Courts. Lucas sinks yet another basket in the long line of basket-sinking that'll go on this season. Junk says, "You guys remember Tom Dougan from grade school?" Lucas has changed his hoodie. It's now red. CMM's hair has so much product in it I'm surprised the hoods don't stick to his head like Krazy Glue. Lucas says, "He used to live door to you, right?" Junk replies, "Some guy snapped him with a wet towel in practice and he lost a testicle." The guys laugh. It must be Saturday because it feels like it's almost early in the morning. The whole Lucas Crew is there, including the annoying commentators. The game hasn't started yet; they're just goofing off. Skills asks, "So what you reading right now?" Lucas says, "Steinbeck. The Winter of Our Discontent." Skills wants Lucas to tell him about it, I'm guessing, because if by "come on, let's hear it" he means for CMM to recite the book by memory, I might have to burn all the books in my library. There's no point in reading anymore. It doesn't mean anything when it's degraded like this. Heh. Anyway. Peyton drives by in her convertible. Her hair flies all over the place. She's listening to very loud music. They all drool. Except Lucas, who just stares after her like he's the one who is constipated and not Whitey. Then Junk says, "Have you seen her web cam? I hear she's naked on it like all the time." The guys all laugh; apparently Junk fills out the bullshit quotient for this group of guys. Lucas says, "I saw her the other night. She almost ran me over, of course." Skills: "She's pretty fine." Lucas: "She's all right." Blah blah blah they're meant for each other blah.
Later that night, Lucas and the requisite basketball arrive at his mother's café. They can't be all that poor and downtrodden if Karen owns a bloody café, but whatever. It looks conspicuously like Lana's from Smallville. Something smells good. Blah small talk blah. Mother and son have a special, loving relationship. He notices when her hair is different. Only it sounds a bit creepy, because CMM can't deliver lines like that and not have it sound like he's hitting on someone, but whatever. Enter Haley, who must work there. They banter back and forth about sticky magazine pages and being best friends. Karen yells, "Would you like to join us?" Haley calls out, "Hell yes." They all sit down to dinner. Looks like they're eating chili. Karen asks, "So, honey, how was your day?" She's talking to Luke, but Haley blabs on about how she's clumsy and fell on her face today. Luke squints at her. Karen smiles. Moira Kelly has very dark hair. Paul Johansson has very dark hair. Neither one looks like they could be CMM's actual parent, but whatever. Karen says, "I got something for you, Lucas." Haley cuts in: "Actually I found it, but not that I was looking for something specifically, that implies some sort of Joey loves Dawson scenario and would completely creep me out, but you know we saw it, and" -- she looks over to Karen -- "well, give him the book!" Man, that girl talks fast. And she's annoying, and why is it that every other show on the WB uses its own shows to emphasize that Tree Hill "actually" exists. Karen hands him a beaten down copy of Julius Caesar. And we're supposed to infer -- what? That Lucas reads Shakespeare in his spare time? Wouldn't he just take it in school or something? Please hit me over the head with a shovel already -- it would be less painful than the never-ending flow of props meant to replace actual character development. Karen: "There's a tide in the affairs of men, or something." Blah life's about to change, blah betrayal, blah dead white men blah. Lucas is pleased. He thanks them very much. I roll my eyes on his behalf. Don't worry, he can thank me later.
Craig Sheffer, a.k.a. Keith Scott, shows up in Whitey's office. He's got the same hair as CMM. They sort of look related. Keith sits down and says, "Have you got a second?" Whitey replies that he's got a lot of seconds. Did Keith hear what happened? He did. Hence the flask of hooch he pulls from his pocket. Whitey pulls the blinds down and says, "Now, just a little." Keith pours a little. Whitey holds out his cup for "a little more." Whitey tells Keith about his run-in with Dan. Keith says intuitively, "Yeah, was he talking about himself or Nathan, do you think?" Whitey says, "Both, I suppose." They joke about the past. Keith: "Hey, you know, Lucas plays." Whitey: "Lucas? Oh, Dan's other son." Keith: "Karen's son. Dan's on the birth certificate, but they never got married." Coach wants to know where Luke plays. Dan tells him about Riverside Courts. Coach thinks that's crap, because if Luke had any real potential he'd be playing in a "real" gym for the "real" team. Keith convinces Whitey to take a look at Lucas.
Riverside Courts. Lucas and the boys are playing two-on-two. Stinky and Tweedledum carry on with their inane commentary. Apparently, Lucas is so "hot" he's "flambé" -- because when it's said in French, it's so much more meaningful. Shut up, Stinky. Shut up, Tweedledum. Keith and Coach watch from a truck. Keith says, "Now, that's what I'm talking about." Coach might be interested. He asks, "But why do you want to put him through that?" Keith: "Because he should know he's good, not playground good, but good period. He could use that in his life." Whitey: "We could all use that in our lives." Keith: "But we had our chance." Because being in your mid-thirties puts you over the hill, Keith? Your life is down to drinking whiskey from a flask and moaning about lost chances? Boy, people in Tree Hill spend way too much time worrying about the bloody past. Whitey asks if Keith and Karen are an item. Keith tells him they're friends. That he's Luke's uncle and that he's in their lives: "It is what it is." Whitey says, "I remember when Dan told me Karen was pregnant, right after their senior year in high school. I told him he should honour his scholarship and go to college." Keith: "You did Karen a favour, and Lucas too -- now you can do me one."
Peyton's a popular girl with spunk. Yawn. She's cutting and pasting "art" on her computer. She takes an image of a fellow with a hockey stick and pastes it onto an image of a pile of skulls. Ohhh. Skulls. She's dark. Yawn. This show will need to learn the art of subtlety if it really intends to get picked up for an entire season. Nathan says, "What are you wasting your time at now?" Why are they together? I mean, honestly? Why? Just to set up the love triangle with Lucas? It's so silly. They're not even nice to each other. Nathan takes her vinyl record off and says, "I don't know who listens to this crap." See? See? Peyton pouts. "So, I waited for you tonight." Nathan: "Yeah, the guys wanted to tip a few." Is he talking about cows or beers? Peyton whines, "And you didn't even think to let me know?" They have some stupid fight about Nathan hanging out with the boys instead of Peyton. She whines. She pouts. She acts nothing like the punk-rock persona the show tries to force her into. Nathan snots, "You know what, Peyton, I'm getting really tired of this. I came here to spend time with you." She snaps, "Yeah, me and half the team." He snits, "Whatever, you want to be a bitch, just sit in your closet and listen to your loser rock and I'll see you tomorrow." Peyton stands with her hands across her chest. "How about you don't see me tomorrow." Nathan huffs, "That's fine by me. You don't think I've got options." Low blow. I'm so tired of quasi-jock guys always having hyper-aggressive attitudes toward their girlfriends. Can't one character in this show gravitate somewhere other than the stereotypical norm? Peyton looks away. Nathan apologizes. He explains that a lot of the guys got suspended and they need to bond. Blah. He wishes it were just the two of them. Sweet and sour, this kid, he's all sweet and sour at the same time. Gosh, I really don't like Nathan at all. I can't see one redeeming characteristic about him. Blah they make up blah.
Tree Hill High School. Luke, Peyton, and Nathan are all in study hall. It has to be study hall because they can't possibly be the same age -- they could be close in age if Dan impregnated Nathan's mom shortly after Karen, but the show hasn't explained any of that yet. It's too busy with frivolous backstory to explain anything of actual consequence to the show. ["Maybe we're supposed to assume, since Luke is all into reading, that he skipped a grade? I don't know." -- Sars] Any. Way. Coach comes in and yells, "Scott!" Nathan answers. Coach says, not you, the other one. Peyton lifts her eyebrow at Luke as he gets up to leave.
Coach and Luke have a heart-to-heart in the gym. Whitey starts talking philosophically about the gym. Some people like it loud, but he likes it quiet, like a church. Blah basketball's a religion in this town blah. Whitey: "You played ball in grade school, why'd you quit?" Luke tucks his hands inside his pockets. Leans on one hip, shakes his pretty head, and says, "I didn't." Coach doesn't think Luke's playground antics equal real basketball. He wants Luke to join the varsity team. It's the "chance of a lifetime." Coach throws him a ball. What does Luke think? He smolders like embers in a fire. See, if the show can use stereotypical metaphors, so can I. "I think the people who pray here waste their time." He shakes his pretty little head: "God doesn't watch sports." Bwa! How can he keep a straight face? Luke bounces the ball on the empty gym floor. Now that's moral integrity. Oh, wait, no it's not -- it's just a kid who takes himself way too seriously. Luke cut a page out of Dawson's book for that conversation. Oh, woe is him, poor baby, he doesn't believe in the Altar of Ball that Tree Hill seems famous for -- he's such a rebel.
Real life takes place on the Riverside Courts. The Wrong Side of the Tracks Posse warms up. Balls bounce. Luke catches some net, of course. Skills says, "So are you going to tell us, man?" Luke tells him it's nothing because he's not going to play with "those" guys. Blah Luke's the star, blah raw talent, blah wasting it blah. Luke: "Don't you guys think that maybe we belong here?" Skills answers, "No, we belong here." CMM's hair looks like a kiwi fruit. Skills continues, "You've never belonged here." Luke shakes his head: "Let's just shoot for teams." Skills says, "You're one of my best friends, that ain't never going to change, but keep it real, we ain't shooting for teams. We're shooting to be your excuse. And I ain't going to be a part of that." Because if one of them has a chance for a better life, then all of them have a chance for a better life. If you need me, I'll be over here, bashing my head against a brick wall.
A Coldplay-inspired riff carries Luke home, where he finds a package on the doorstep with his name on it. Karen walks by his bedroom moments later with a basket of laundry. She's such a good mom. She washes all his dirty, sweaty, hot -- ahem, gym clothes. Did I mention sweaty and hot? I did? Okay, moving on -- she sees Luke wearing a Ravens basketball jersey. She totally freaks out. He explains that someone left it at the door. She tells him to take it off.
Luke comes outside to see his mother on the front steps, looking through an old photo album. Who does that? Luke asks, "Mom, are you okay?" He sits down and tells his mother that Coach Durham asked him to play on the varsity team. Karen thinks maybe he should. Blah that's what Skills said, blah they didn't want to be his excuse, blah they're supposed to be my friends blah. Then she yammers on about some inane memory about his first real basketball. Blah parental bonding blah. Holy contrived scene, Batman. Just get on with it already -- we know he ends up on the team. We understand he's going to play with his brother -- we don't need all the backstory in one freaking episode. Karen runs her hands through his hair. I'm surprised they don't stick there. "Sometimes I think you're sitting out your life because of me and I don't want that for you. My past is not your future, okay?" Blech. Now everyone start praying to the Altar of Ball for this show to improve before it gets the giant WB hook and is sent to cancelled-show heaven.
Nathan and his father work out in their own gym. They are bench-pressing. Nathan's dad puts too much weight on. Nathan can't lift it. Are we all seeing the symbolism here? I guess this is how they bond, by trying to kill each other to see who can press more heat. Yawn. It's nothing like that scene from Unbreakable where Bruce Willis keeps lifting more and more weight. These guys only think they're superhuman. Nathan says, "What do you know about Whitey inviting your son to play?" Dan replies, "Don't call him that." Then he goes on to explain that the kid is not his son and that Billie Jean is not his lover. No, really he just tells Nathan that he and Karen were young, and the fact that Luke's last name is Scott is merely wishful thinking on her part. Dan piles more weight on the barbell. Nathan can't lift it anymore, so Dan physically throws him off the bench and starts doing it himself. Their relationship is a strange mixture of pressure and piles of crap. Masculine bonding that takes a very firm step into really bad parenting. And I quote: "I want you to go to this kid and encourage him not to play." How can he refer to Lucas as "this kid" like he's some sort of virus? I mean, really, how cold-hearted is Dan? ["He used to play John Sears on . Enough said, I think." -- Sars] Nathan's response: "I'm not afraid of him, Dad." Not "wow, how cool is it that I've got a brother" -- nope, just "Luke's a social pariah and what's the best way to get rid of him." Dan: "We don't want anyone coming in now and disrupting the offense and taking away shots. Anyway, this has more to do with Whitey and me than you." Apparently, there's a bigger picture, and "this kid's" not in it -- what-freaking-ever -- Dan wins The Worst Parent in the World award hands down. Not only is he making Nathan do his dirty work, but the prodigal son laps up the holier-than-thou we've-worked-too-hard-to-let-a-little-result-of-my-sperm-offering-get-in-the way-of-our-success crap.
Hours and hours go by as Luke practices down by the river.
Back at the manor, Tim says to Nathan, "So your pops finally mentioned the bastard spawn, eh?" They raid the fridge. "They say he's got game." Nathan struts away: "Hey, man, I can get us to the state championship with three blind guys and a cripple, which is practically what I got left with you guys." Tim says, "Nice." I feel dirty just typing out that dialogue. The jock jerks set out for the park.
Rock, well, rocks in the background as Nathan arrives on Luke's home court. There's a lot of intimidation from Nathan: blah no one wants you on the team, blah my girlfriend doesn't want you, blah you're an outcast blah. Um, for all Nathan knows, Luke and Peyton have never met. He wasn't there when she almost ran him over. The most he might have caught on to was the fact that Luke looked at her in study hall. Dear writers: Please stop forcing storylines and relationships upon these characters before they've even had a chance to develop. Anyway. The end result? Nathan challenges Luke to a game of one-on-one. The stakes? If Nathan wins, Luke doesn't join the team. If Luke wins, Nathan quits the team.
Haley and Luke walk around town. Luke carries a basketball. Luke always carries a basketball. Haley wants to know if Luke's going to play Nathan. He says he doesn't have anything to prove. Haley says it's not about that; it's about showing Nathan the what-for sometimes. Hear! Hear! Haley, that's the first intelligent thing you've said all episode. A bunch of birds flutter around her. She freaks out. Luke blabs on about murder of crows and parliament of owls and exultation of larks…that's why he's weird. Luke tells Haley he would like to show Dan what a mistake he made by not being in their lives. But Dan's such an asshole, why would Luke even want him as a parent?
Aw, Peyton's attitudinal car shows some attitude of its own by smoking up by the side of an awfully familiar road. Do you think Pacey's brother is patrolling right now? Maybe he could help. She lifts up the hood. Like she knows what's under the hood of a car. Heh.
Luke works with Keith in his garage. Keith asks him why he wouldn't play. Luke replies that he plays every night: "What makes it less of a game if people don't see it?" Blah if a tree falls in the forest, blah memories of great basketball legends, blah fatherly advice blah. Keith insists that Luke plays with the same kind of poetry as the old masters. The phone rings.
Cut to Luke hooking up Peyton's car on the tow truck. In one of the worst wardrobe choices thus far, Peyton is wearing a Ramones t-shirt. That sound is poor, defeated Joey Ramone rolling in his grave that his band has become a symbol for teen angst and not the purity of punk rock. Anyway. Luke tries to initiate a conversation about NOFX. But whatever. She's not buying it. She calls Nathan on her cell phone and tells him to come and pick her up. He won't do it because he's at the gym. Luke tells her he can give her a ride back to town. She says, "Listen, have your dad call me with an estimate." Luke replies, "My uncle." She shrugs, "Whatever, if that's your story." He laughs and cocks his head. His hair remains in the same place. "Why are you a cheerleader?" The wind blows her hair all over the place. "I mean, no offense or anything but you're about the least cheery person I know." He goes to get into the truck. She shakes her head and looks into the wind.
Dan drives his Jaguar up to Keith's shop. He honks the horn and comes in, where the two brothers greet each other awkwardly.
Peyton waits for Nathan. Luke tells her that he'll give her a ride. She pouts. He says, "I'll let you insult me." She whines, "First of all, you don't know me, second of all, you don't know me." Then, for some reason, Luke pours his wee bitty heart out to Peyton, but only after she screams, "Why are all guys such jerks?" Blah he and Nathan used to play junior league basketball together, blah they were good, blah he found out Dan was his dad, blah teased him about being the unwanted kid, blah his mother couldn't take the heartbreak blah.
Dan says, "Nathan's got a shot here, Keith." Keith looks down at the desk. "Yeah, he's got a real future." Then he looks at his brother: "Ever think about Luke's future? Ever think about that?" Dan: "I can't change the fact this kid exists. If I could I would. The truth is I told Karen I'd take care of it, she wouldn't --" He stops there as Luke comes in after hearing only the really bad part of the conversation. Luke looks like he just swallowed his own murder of crows. Kind of a cross between really mad because it tastes awful and really hurt because it just won't go down the right way. He throws the keys to the tow truck and takes off. That's the first normal teenage reaction I've seen in the show so far -- good for you, CMM, well done.
Enter the pensive montage portion of the show. Daylight fades. Lucas has turned back into Reminem. He walks. Peyton stares into space. He walks. Peyton stares. He walks. She stares. He arrives at the gym. He tells Nathan, "Tomorrow night, at midnight -- at the riverfront. But if I win, I'm going to want something else."
Dan's dealership is huge. He walks through the gallery floor, blabbing on about loving some car. He's a total salesman, the absolute anti-Willy Loman. He arrives in his office to find Karen. He snits, "I'm guessing you're not car shopping." She gets all pissy: "He's a boy who wants to play basketball, reluctantly. I find it horrifying and amusing that after all these years it takes something as simple as that to bring you around." He walks toward Karen and says, "I'm only thinking of the kid." Well, that sets her right off. She tells him he's got no right to think of Luke at all, and that they've asked nothing of him from day one, and Dan's delivered in "true form." Dan wants to know why Karen would humiliate her "kid" by letting him play. Karen retorts, "You're right, Dan, why would I do that -- you've done it quite enough." Seems like being from the wrong side of the tracks really breeds the fight in a person. You go, Karen.
Nathan comes out of the bathroom. Dan stops him, but before he says what's really on his mind, he notices Nathan's nipple ring. Ew. Dan cracks, "If I wanted a daughter, I'd adopt one." Honestly? I'm so glad ignorance like this still exists, because, well, we'd have no one to mock, would we? Nathan says, "Why, so you could abandon her too?" Then he covers up his own animosity by saying, "It's just a joke, Dad." ["That joke would have landed me in traction if I'd told it my father. Not that Dan doesn't deserve it, but still. Shut up, jackass." -- Sars] Dan tries to tell Nathan not to play against Luke. He wants to do this for himself, no matter what his dad thinks. Oh, and then Peyton walks out of the bathroom just wearing a towel. Yes, a towel. From the bathroom. In the house owned by her boyfriend's parents. In a towel. In full view of her boyfriend's father. Wearing only a towel. Dan just raises his eyebrows and walks away, because he's such a great parent.
Karen and Keith are putting books away in the café. They have a nice, comfy relationship. Blah time passes, blah blink of the eye, blah forever, blah bonding blah. Haley and Luke bond upstairs on the roof. He doesn't know if he should play Nathan, because his mom's so worried. Haley says, "You're a really good guy and I'm glad we're friends, but you and your mom worry to damn much."
Luke laces up his shoes. Tweedledum and Stinky are wearing suits in honour of the momentous occasion. The prattle on as Nathan warms up.
Peyton asks if Nathan's threatened by Luke. He says he's not, that he just wants to prove he's the best. She wants to know what Luke gets if he wins. They stop dead before they get in the car: "He gets you." Now where the hell did that come from, really? God, Nathan's such a jerk.
A huge crowd has gathered. Tweedledum and Stinky are still talking. Nathan arrives. He strips down to his b-ball clothes. The music heats up. They take some practice shots. They show off. They hang off the net. I'd like to shove the microphone right up Tweedledum's ass. The game begins. Who will reign supreme? Who will take over Riverside Court Stadium? Whose ball is bigger? Why, Luke's, of course! Swoosh! But wait, Nathan plays all dirty. He elbows his half-brother, who spits out a whack of blood onto the side of the court. But wait, Luke's all moral, he's not going to play it that way -- he won't call a foul -- game on! "Besides," Luke postures, "you won't score again." The pressure heats up, and Luke's right, Nathan doesn't score again. Game point. Nathan says, "He never mentioned you, man, not once in all these years." Luke says, "This is for my mom." It's all about net, baby, all about net. A crowd of people congratulates Luke as Nathan simmers -- he's not a good loser. Peyton bites her lip. Luke walks over to her. She says, "So what'd you bet?" Luke: "I win, he stays on the team." Why? Because it's the last thing he wants, and anyway, it's not about him. Nathan snits, "Peyton!" She goes to him like the good little girl she is, and Luke surveys his kingdom. Then he starts reading Julius Caesar as he walks away.
Nathan goes home. He greets his father: "Don't worry, Dad, your dreams are still alive."
Luke greets his mother with a hug. Then, later, he spends a bit of time familiarizing himself with Peyton's webcam. Webcams are so 1994.
Finally, Luke shows up at basketball practice. He stands there as the team comes to a complete stop, just staring at everyone. And the tides are certainly turning in the lives of these boy-men.