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In the Enchanted Past, all the Queen's horses and all the Queen's men fail to get Snow White in custody again. Frustrated, Regina turns to Rumpelstiltskin. She wants him to teach her to shape shift so she can catch an unaware Snow and kill her. Regina thinks Snow's death will make the people love her (Regina), despite the fact that she just ordered the slaughter of an entire village simply because none of the villagers would give up Snow. The thinking here is so deluded, I can't even deal with it now.
Rumpy says it takes a long time to perfect shape shifting magic. Instead of teaching Regina, he will transform her into a peasant girl. There's only one drawback: while in this form, Regina will, just like a peasant girl, have no magic. I guess there are two drawbacks. Regina must rely on Rumpy to restore her to her powerful, evil glory.
A hot minute into Regina's cockamamie Impostor Peasant Plan, she is arrested by her own Queen's guard. They're about to decapitate her, when she is rescued by an unwitting Snow White. Snow sneaks Regina (who calls herself "Wilma") to one of her woodland hideouts, tends her wound, treats her fever and confides in her about how Regina once saved her life.
Once "Wilma" is healed, she and Snow must go back on the run. Soon after Snow declares to a touched "Wilma" that she still believes there is good in Regina's heart and hopes they can once again be a loving family, they stumble upon the rotting corpses of Regina's most recent victims. Snow takes back everything she said. Regina is beyond hope.
Snow soon realizes "Wilma" is Regina. Regina tries to throw some magic at Snow, but when she remembers she is powerless, she calls for Rumpelstiltskin instead. Unfortunately, for Regina, while Rumpy told her to call upon him, he never guaranteed he'd answer. Still, Regina's only dealing with Snow, who at this time in her life doesn't have it in her to kill even her mortal enemy, so Regina runs away and straight to Rumpy's estate, where he eventually restores her looks, magic and, most importantly, her wardrobe.
Storybrooke. Present. Emma bumps into Tamara at Granny's. When the latter woman spills her purse, Emma notices she has a cheat sheet listing the key Storybrookers' Fairy Tale Identities. Emma doesn't let on that she's seen it, but she does point out to Tamara that it would be terrible for her people if the outside world knew the truth about them. When Tamara swears that she's trustworthy, the writers throw Emma a bone and let her lie detection "superpower" work.
Back at home, Emma tells Snow that she suspects Tamara is the woman August tried to warn them about. Speaking for a frustrated audience, Snow points out that Emma's superpower is less than reliable, especially when she's emotional. Emma swears this has nothing to do with Neal, as she is so very far and much and totally and completely way over him, for absolute sure. Once an unconvinced Snow leaves, Henry reveals that he's been listening all along, and he wants in on Emma's investigation.
While Emma breaks into Neal and Tamara's room, Henry stands sentry. Just as she finds a loosened floorboard, Neal strolls toward the room. As a warning, Henry bumps into the door, just like Emma taught him. The problem is Neal taught Emma that move. Neal opens his room to a cringing Emma. I think she's cringing, but I'm cringing so hard for her, I could be getting transfer-y.
I have to watch from the hallway, as Emma assures Neal this has nothing to do with the fact that Tamara is his girlfriend. She's only investigating Tamara because of August's incomplete warning. I want to reach through the screen and wipe the smirk off Neal's face, but I'm still out in my hallway, cringing, and my arms aren't that long. Neal allows Emma to lift the floorboard. There's nothing hidden underneath, so a humiliated Emma cringes her way out of the room with Henry in tow. The upside is, Henry still believes in Emma, which he reveals as they drown their sorrows in ice cream.
In other news, Tamara and Greg/Owen enlist Hook in their plan to trap Regina. Hooks tells Regina they're out to get her, undoubtedly so that he can double-cross whoever looks to be the loser. Regina all too quickly accepts Hook's offer of help. Together, they take the library elevator to that pit beneath. They're off to retrieve a failsafe, which in effect reverses the curse. The problem is anyone who remains in Storybrooke will be killed.
Regina notices that Hook is wearing Cora's leather cuff, and she wants it back. Hook pretends he doesn't want to part with it, which makes it all the more attractive to Regina. Eventually, Hook hands over it over, and they head off to find this week's MacGuffin.
Apparently, Maleficent wasn't killed by Emma. She's been magically sustained and is now in some weird, Nazgûl form. Regina isn't as adept as Hook is at hiding and timing her double-cross. She literally tosses the swashbuckler off a cliff and right into Maleficent's path, then scurries off to Snow's glass coffin and retrieves the failsafe.
Meanwhile, above ground, Charming, Snow and Grumpy go out to check on their bean crop. Once they pass through the cloaking barrier, they see the entire crop has been burnt to the ground. Don't worry. Regina kept some for herself, so the beans aren't all gone.
Back on the first floor of the library, Regina is startled to find Hook escaped Nazgûl Maleficent and is working with Tamara and Greg. Owen. Growen? Groan. The cuff that Regina took from Hook is, in actuality, an Inarticulate Explanation The Stupid Audience Should Mistake For Science, and it blocks Regina's magic. Even if she manages to remove the leather, underneath she'll still find some sort of Inarticulate Explanation The Stupid Audience Should Mistake For Science metal. After Groan exchanges words about his father with Regina, he tells Tamara to bag the Evil Queen.
I haven't graded this episode yet, mostly because I'm still cringing for Emma, but also because I'm cringing a little bit for Snow and Regina, too. Regina makes no sense at all. I can't decide if that's the writers' aim or if her characterization is laboring under a few too many layers. I don't want black-and-white heroes and villains, but it was a bit too much to watch her order the slaughter of an entire village one moment, and then watch as she is, in her Wilma disguise, moved to tears while Snow waxes nostalgic about how she once loved Regina and hopes she can again.
Similarly, where the Fairest in the Land is concerned, I can accept that Snow couldn't yet bring herself to shoot an arrow through Regina's heart. That said, the flashbacks in this episode are set prior to the ones in which Snow halted Regina's execution. Snow's mercy could have been sold as mostly personally foolhardy, in that at the time, it was plausible to me that Snow could have seen herself and her dad as Regina's main victims, and could have been ignorant of other casualties. Now it seems much less like foolhardy mercy, and more like criminal negligence on Snow's part. She already knew she was dealing with Hitler, and yet refused to end Regina's reign of terror, to serve this vanity that she is always above reproach.
I hope we get less of Regina's backstory in the coming episodes and seasons because every time we learn more about her, I understand her less. My love of hating her may soon turn into hatred of hating her. She's already so horrible, her taint is getting all over anyone who could have stopped her, and failed to, even and especially our allegedly noble heroes.
I will be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're getting Emma some more ice cream.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously, on Once Upon A Time, Hook hooks Gold. With her anti-magic taser, Tamara kills wooden August before he can warn Emma. Snow and Charming show Emma the cloaked bean field. Upon realizing her parents want to return to the Enchanted Forest, Emma is unsettled. Regina finds the field. Tamara brings Hook back to Storybrooke.
Now, on Once Upon A Time, it's nighttime in Storybrooke. Tamara whips the hood off of a still bound Hook's head. She and Greg... Owen... Growen...Groan now have Hook up in the clock tower. Wait, they what? How do you get a bound pirate up in the clock tower, which is right in the town center, without someone noticing it? And to what end? The Contrivance Fairy flies into my office, makes a rather bumpy landing on my desk, and cautions me to have patience. Patience my patootie. I have a fly swatter, and I'm not afraid to use it. The Contrivance Fairy says, "Some people are so touchy," and flies off.
Thinking the duo of dull wants to torture him, Hook eggs on Tamara and Groan. He's surprised to learn that instead, they want to offer him a job. Assuming he's succeeded in killing Gold, Hook announces his bucket list is already complete. Tamara hands him his own telescope and tells the pirate to take a gander at the street below. What fortuitous timing! Hook looks, exactly when Laceybelle and Gold are exiting the Rabbit Hole. The Contrivance Fairy zips back into my office, sits on my head, and says, "Take that!" That's it. I'm getting the fly swatter and maybe some fly paper, too.
Laceybelle is still in the same dress she might as well have swiped from the back of Ruby's closet, so at most, mere hours have passed between "Lacey" and "The Evil Queen." More on that later. Groan rubs it in Hook's face that Gold beat him. Tamara offers that she and Groan know how to kill magical creatures. Groan says the price for their expertise is this: Hook must find Groan's father. We all know the real price, Killian. You have to suffer these fools up close and in person. Groan fills Hook in on his backstory, including the fact that Regina is responsible for Kurt's disappearance, waves Hook's hook in his face, and asks if they have a deal. Wait a damned second, Show. Do you mean to tell me that once they tied him up, neither Emma, Neal, Gold nor Henry -- not one person thought to take Hook's hook? Oh bah. Title card.
Enchanted Forest. Night. Regina leads the Queen's Guard to a village. They force their way into a cabin, but while Snow might have been hiding there once, she's now gone. Regina orders her men to round up the hapless villagers. Queenie lies to them that Snow has betrayed them and poisoned her own father so that she could inherit the throne. Regina goes on and on with a list of trumped up charges and promises a lucrative reward to whoever gives up Snow. Infuriated by their silence, Regina orders her guard to, "Kill them all. No mercy. Find me Snow White." I hope you're not all too young to understand the term broken record because that's exactly what Regina is. We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Present. Waterfront. An old fisherman (Harold Davies) is dressed in yellow rain gear is sitting on the docks, within hearing distance of Charming and Snow -- so clearly, he is Regina in magical disguise. Charming and Snow are sitting on a park bench, covered with a blanket, sipping cups of what must be cocoa with cinnamon. Snow asks if, when they return to the Enchanted Forest, they'll truly leave Regina behind. "Henry won't like it. She is his mother, despite all the horrors." Charming says, "Mary Margaret, those horrors will continue. Do you want to give her another chance -- because every time we do, she..." Snow says, "She slips. I know." Slips? Slips? Slips is when your daughter promises your grandson she'll never again lie to him, but momentarily falters when he acts a direct question about secret magical beans. Ugh. David suggests that instead of giving Regina another chance, they give her a choice. She can return with them and live out her days in the cell built for Rumpelstiltskin, or she can remain in Storybrooke. Oh yeah, because it's not like she can't turn you all into toads.
Just out of the Charmings' view, the old man rises and is enveloped in pillar of purple smoke. When it clears to reveal Regina, exactly no one is surprised. Looking over her shoulder, Regina says to herself, "Jail cell," then shakes her head. "I don't think so." This is really of little consequence, though. I mean, suppose they had managed to keep the beans and whatnot a secret. How in the world did they expect to survive after presenting Regina with this foolish "choice." We flash back to the...
Enchanted Forest. Knifingham Palace. Regina enters her chamber and calls out for Rumpelstiltskin, but he's already there, warming himself before her fire. She rages about the peasants continuing loyalty to Snow, despite the fact that Regina is their Queen. Rumpy reminds her she did just slaughter an entire village. "Maybe that's why they call you the 'Evil Queen'." As delusional as ever, Regina blahs about how she's not evil. I love this character and adore Lana Parrilla's performance, but am exceedingly sick of flashbacks that revolve around Regina. At this point, they're doing her a disservice. If I seem to short change the flashbacks tonight, that's why; I'm trying not to dwell on it -- on her. Rumpy advises that Snow's people will never love Regina. She insists Snow's death will be the game changer. She wants Rumpy to teach her Cora's shapeshifting spell. Rumpy laughs that it took Cora months to learn. Regina asks Rumpy to put the spell on her. He says if he does that, she won't control it, and will have no magic while the spell is active. Regina says she won't need magic. She just needs to get close enough to Snow to, "...snap her neck with my bare hands."
Rumpy agrees to cast the spell and tells Regina that once the deed is done, she should call on him. "Only I can return you to your regal self." Regina asks his price. He labels it a "boring matter of state," and explains, "I need you to cut off all trade with King George's realm." Okay, despite my Regina flashback fatigue, that's rather brilliant plotting. I do love watching Rumpy snap every single piece into place. When Regina asks why she'd do that to King George, Rumpy says, "I need him bankrupt. What's it to you?" Realizing she'll get nowhere with the imp, Regina agrees without hammering out the details and guarantees of the deal. Rumpy does his little jazz hands and Regina is enveloped in a cloud of royal blue smoke.
After the smoke clears, Regina says she feels no different. Aside from her hair and "ghastly rags" she looks no different to me, either. Rumpy points to her mirror and tells her, "This is what the world will see." When we catch sight of Regina's reflection, we see what all the Enchanted Forestians will see when they look at this peasant: actress Bri Neal. A note to those who are reading prior to watching. We only see Bri Neal when Regina looks in a mirror. Lana Parrilla plays Regina-as-peasant throughout the episode. And despite my bellyaching about being tired of Regina-centric flashbacks, I'm glad it's Parrilla in the role. There's some emotional heavy lifting, and I'd feel let down had Lana not gotten to do it. Rumpy warns Regina that when she's out among the people, she might hear some hurtful criticism. Not understanding herself at all, Regina figures that won't matter to her. "When I'm done, they'll be singing my praises over her smoldering, villainous remains." At this point, I find myself thinking my "Drama Queen" headline is as woefully understated as Snow White's comment that Regina, "slips." We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Day. Exterior. Regina finds Henry feeding the birds, which must be in his blood. She shows him a clipping from a magic beanstalk and says Emma, Snow and David have been growing magic beans in secret and keeping it from him. They want to take him to the Enchanted Forest without Regina. You know I have a soft spot for Henry, but I swear, if he throws a hissy fit about this being yet another of Emma's lies that makes her just as bad as Regina, I'll reach through the screen and yank out his heart myself. I'm happy to report that Henry doesn't go there, so I don't have to. He suggest perhaps everyone's going, and they just haven't told Regina yet.
Regina says they don't see the good in her. They only see the Evil Queen, which "...they made me." Oh great. My Regina Fatigue, which I last saw in the Enchanted Forest, has somehow managed to find a magic bean, open a portal and ooze over into Storybrooke. At any rate, Regina says she doesn't want to be evil anymore. This is her chance to go back, start over, and to be the hero this time. Henry admits he'd love that. Regina explains that built into the curse is a failsafe. Henry says, "Like a self-destruct button? Like you never did it?" Regina says that's right and it's the best thing to turning back time. The thing is Storybrooke will disappear forever. "No need to worry, dear. We can get away, first -- back to the Enchanted Forest..." holding up the bean clipping, she adds, "...using this." Everyone else will die, of course, but because she says she has "no other choice," Regina actually expects Henry will understand. Let's put delusional atop "Drama Queen" and "She slips" in my pile of woefully inadequate descriptions.
Regina continues digging her own hole. "As long as there are other people in our lives, you can never fully be mine. You loved me once. With them gone, you'll love me again, and you can see me for what I truly am." Oh lady, I think he just did. When Regina says she'll be a hero, Henry says, "Not if you kill everyone. You're a villain." He really should have added a duh for emphasis. Regina goes on blaming everyone else. Henry rejects her nonsense and asks why she's even telling him this. In her brief shining moment of self-awareness, Regina answers, "Because I don't have anyone else to talk to." I wonder why. Let's ask the one person who loved you more than anything -- your father. Oh, wait. Do ya see where I'm going with this, Queenie? Of course not. Instead, she blathers that everything she's said will come to pass, then, pulling out Cora's grimoire, she opens it and casts a spell to erase their conversation from Henry's mind. Commercial.
Enchanted Past. Bustling village. Disguised as a peasant, Regina is startled to realize people are throwing arrows at her -- the Queen, that is -- in effigy. She reacts exactly as you'd expect, defending their "Queen" and trying to destroy Snow's reputation. When the villagers decide to burn the effigy, Regina grabs a torch and tries to warn them off. It's then that her own Queen's Guard appears. Of course her men don't recognize her magical disguise. The decide Regina is the ringleader, rather than the one trying to stop the demonstration. When they go to arrest her, she insists she is the Queen, and tries to fling them off with magic, which of course she can't access while in peasant form. The guards grab her and drag her off. We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Mayor's Office. Regina is examining the beanstalk she's growing in a terrarium when Captain Hook enters. Regina is surprised he'd show his face in Storybrooke, considering he failed to kill Gold. Hook says they have bigger problems and tells her about Groan and "some woman" who are trying to enlist Hook to betray Regina. He proposes that he, Regina and Cora team up again instead. I have to hand it to Colin O'Donoghue and the writers here because I have no earthly idea if Tamara has already brought him up to speed on Cora's death, or if he's truly caught off guard by this news but is deft enough at the art of the double-cross that this information doesn't break his stride. Either way, it works for me. And either way, Hook is more than happy and able to use Cora's memory to manipulate the hell out of Regina. Okay, some of the hell. We all know Regina is full of it. She shows him her beanstalk and asks Hook to help her in her plans to escape the total destruction of Storybrooke and start over with Henry. When she asks Hook if she can trust him, he asks if the "total destruction" includes the Crocodile. Regina says that's a big yes. Rumpy will die if Hook helps her. Commercial.
Granny's Diner. As Tamara picks up a takeout order from the counter, Emma enters the diner. She definitely notices Tamara when she's opening the door, so I like to think Emma plans what comes : she doesn't see (or "doesn't see") Tamara and crashes right into her. Tamara's purse spills and both women apologize. Emma makes small talk as she crouches and helps Tamara pick up her things -- among them a cheat sheet that matches Storybrooke identities to their fairy tale counterparts. The list includes Mary Margaret/Snow, David/Charming, Regina/Queen, Mr. Gold/Rumplestiltskin (sic), Archie/Jiminy Cricket, Mother Superior/Blue Fairy and Marco/Geppetto. Emma hands the list back to Tamara, and asks how she's doing accepting the fact of Storybrooke. The two commiserate about their unreal reality and then Emma grows more serious. "If the world found out about this place, do you know what that would mean for Henry or for Neal?" Tamara says, "Look, Emma. You don't have to worry. You can trust me." Tamara smiles at Emma, and Emma returns the favor, but her face is tight enough that it's clear her precarious "superpower" has decided to kick in. We cut to...
Snow's Hovel. Emma tells Snow that "Tamara" is the "She" August was trying to warn them about. To back up her claim, Emma mentions the Fairy Tale Identity List, and that she could tell Tamara was lying when she assured Emma she could trust her. Speaking for a jaded audience, Snow reminds Emma that her superpower is hardly reliable, particularly when she's emotional. Snow's motherly condescension is perfect here, maybe even more so because in this instance, she's wrong. Emma says, "For the last time, I don't have feelings for Neal. That was over a decade ago. I'm over it." I don't think that's entirely true, but I do think Emma doesn't know what to make of her feelings for Neal, so she's using her ability to wall herself off for the greater good. Snow looks around to ensure they're alone, then whispers, "Well, that may be, but if you tell Henry that you think his dad's fiancée may be up to something, then Henry's going to think there's a chance his parents could get back together. So keep it to yourself, please, until you know something more."
Once Snow leaves, Henry appears and says, "So, we're back in business? I heard everything." Emma says she thought he was showering. Henry says, "Exactly." Can I just hug him for his cheery acceptance of the fact that while Emma has promised not to lie to him, that doesn't mean she's going to share everything with him. I hope it lasts, and that when he's given occasion to struggle to accept this, one of the grownups in his life has the presence of mind to tell him there are always things that adults won't tell kids. I have straight out told my kids, "I'm not going to lie to you, but I'm not going to discuss it with you, either."
Anyhow, Henry says, "Operation Cobra's back on. We're investigating Tamara. Right?" Slack-jawed, Emma stares in wonder at her son until she finally manages to tell him to get his coat. Am I imagining things, or were Jared and Jennifer not acting opposite each other? Their eye contact isn't terrible, but it's not exactly right. Last week, in the "Lacey" episode thread, I noted how seldom Henry appeared, and wondered if while they were shooting "Lacey" they had Jared filming scenes for future episodes. Visually, the scene between Emma and Henry reminds me so much of the split screen scenes between Sarah Michelle Gellar and herself when she was playing twins on Ringer. If anyone out there knows for sure, please tweet the answer to me. At any rate, we cut to the...
Storybrooke Library. As they approach the elevator, Hook asks Regina if this is a two "man" job because she needs him to lower her. She waves her hand and the doors open, as she says, "No. It used to be before magic." The dastardly duo enters. We flash back to the...
Enchanted Forest. Village. Just as Regina's own men are about to decapitate her peasant self, it's Snow White to the rescue. Snow is as strong and nimble as she is fierce. When Regina, who was wounded during the excitement, realizes who has saved her, she faints. We flash forward to the...
Library basement. As they get off the elevator, Hook asks Regina if their constant pursuit of revenge is the reason they're unloved. He knows that once his Crocodile is dead, he'll have nothing to look forward to. He tells Regina revenge is an end, not a beginning. She says it's different for her, since she has Henry. Destroying Storybrooke is a small price to pay, as far as she's concerned because she is an utter sociopath and I can't even deal with this. During their conversation, Regina notices that Hook is wearing Cora's leather wrist cuff. He tries to explain how he came to have it, but Regina doesn't care. She's a stroppy baggage and she wants it now. Hook wisely pretends he doesn't care to part with it, and I feel like I'm repeating myself from the recaplet, which probably means that I am. Eventually, Hook hands over the bracelet. Regina puts it on and breathes a sigh of relief.
Eventually, Regina and Hook arrive in a wide cavern. He wonders why she hid her failsafe trigger in such a dangerous place. Regina said it had to be well hidden and well-guarded by a friend. Oh, Maleficent lives! Regina notes there's a powerful spell that sustains said friend in whatever form she's in. "In fact, Hook, she's the reason why this is a two-man job." Hook asks what he's there to do. Regina says, "I'll get the trigger, and you? You're the distraction." When Hook turns to ask Regina what she's talking about, she pushes him off a cliff (can you have cliffs in caves -- why not). When Hook lands with a thump, black dragon scales float up in the air and assemble themselves not into a dragon, but rather what could be described as Nazgûl Maleficent. Commercial.
When banter doesn't work on the Witch-Queen of Agmar Maleficent, Hook tries to remain a moving target until he gets the opportunity to slash at his foe with his hook. This stops her only for a moment. She throws Hook down another level and screeches. We cut to a...
Higher level of the cave/tunnels. Regina finally arrives at Snow's glass coffin. She smashes a pane of glass, reaches inside and pulls out a sachet. Inside is her failsafe trigger. We flash back to the...
Enchanted Forest. Day. Snow tends to peasant Regina's wounds and explains she has a fever, thanks to her wound from a dirty blade. When Regina says, "Snow White," Snow asks the "peasant" what her name is. Regina lies that it's "Wilma" and says her family works in the mills. Snow tells "Wilma" it will be a couple more days 'til she can get up, but they're in a good place with fresh water, healing herbs and poachable royal livestock. Regina says, "You can't do that." Once she remembers she's supposed to be in disguise, she adds, "You were a Princess." Snow says someone from another forest taught her what she knows. I certainly hope it was Robin Hood of Sherwood Forest because his introductory outing was disappointing. When "Wilma" asks why someone on the run would risk her life to help a stranger, Snow says she's going to bathe Wilma's wound and tells her to listen; it will be easier to bear the pain if she's distracted.
As she cares for her mortal enemy in disguise, Snow tells "Wilma" the story of how she first met Regina. The thing to remember is Snow never mentions Regina's name. She just says a total stranger risked her own life to save Snow from her wild horse. Snow adds, "It changed me. My mother always told me to keep goodness in my heart, and this woman proved [my mother] was right." Wilma's eyes shine with emotional tears that Snow mistakes for pain. She assures Snow she's okay and asks her to continue. Snow says that experience taught her there can be a genuine, selfless connection between people -- even strangers. Once "Wilma's" wound is dressed, she asks what happened to Snow's stranger. Snow voice is wistful as she answers, "She gone. But oh, I hope she comes back someday." Regina is visibly touched. We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Day. Henry and Emma are in the yellow VW Bug, discussing names for this new operation. When Henry wants justification for Emma's suggestion of Operation Tiger, Emma's all, "I need a why? You never need a why." I love this scene, but it only reminds me of how few opportunities Emma has had to connect with her loved ones this season. Henry suggests they pick something that reflects the way Storybrooke hides in plain sight. "Something like a Praying Mantis." Meh. I don't like that one, kid.
As they wait, Henry pronounces stakeouts fun. Emma says most aren't, but this one is. He thought that by now they'd be having grand adventures in the Enchanted Forest. Emma asks if he'd want to return, if there was a way. Henry asks if there is. Emma lies: "No, don't be crazy." Don't lie Emma. I know you're new at parenting, but there are ways to change or shut down a subject. You might tip your hand a little, but no more than you do by lying. Try something like: "I promised I won't lie, but I won't talk about that either. It's dangerous for you to mention it until I say so, and you're just going to have to trust me." He's not a toddler, after all.
Henry quickly decides that the giant must have brought a magic bean with him. We've talked in the episode thread about the possibility that Regina's memory wipe spell wasn't complete. Now that I think of it, it seems significant that she referred to Cora's grimoire while casting it. Of course, all season long, I've been dying to find something to back up the contention that magic works at all differently in Storybrooke, at least after you manage to cast the first spell. Gold struggled with it at first and had to cook up potions, etc., but once Cora arrived on the scene, it was way too powerful for my taste. Putting my magical issues aside, perhaps thanks to Emma's DNA, Henry too has some innate resistance to magic. Or, it could just be that his superpower is discernment. After all, he's the one who first figured out that Storybrooke was weird. I don't know. Just food for thought.
It's to Henry's credit that once again, he didn't get his knickers in a twist about Emma's lie. I feel sad for him when he suggests that he, Emma and Neal can share a castle in the Enchanted Forest. Emma puts the kibosh on that, or tries, but then Henry yells at her to duck. He's spotted Neal and Tamara leaving Granny's Bed and Breakfast. As Henry and Emma peek at the pair, Henry says, "Operation Praying Mantis is on." We cut to...
Granny's B&B. Hallway. As Emma picks the lock to Neal and Tamara's room, Henry airs his fantasy that once they've outed Tamara as evil, Neal and Emma will live happily ever after. Emma says she and Neal are not getting back together, but Henry says, "I mean once he's single, it could happen. Thrown together. Moonlight. Wine." I can't decide if that's adorable or creepy. Emma insists she's suspicious of Tamara for other reasons than the fact that she's engaged to Neal. She looks so uncomfortable that I start to get uptight on her behalf.
Finally, Emma gains access to room 8. Henry starts to follow her in, but he's got to play lookout. Emma shows him how to casually kick or bump into the door because a signal like a whistle would be too obvious.
Shutting herself in the room, Emma starts her search in the closet. she moves onto a wardrobe, which would be my guess in a fantasy show, but no luck. Finally, she notices a squeaky floorboard. As she bends down to examine it, we cut to the...
Hallway. Henry's pacing when he hears Neal coming. The boy is a bit too forceful with his warning kick, and frankly, he looks nervous. Neal greets his son and is about to ask him what he's doing there, when Henry gives another obvious kick to the door. Neal says, "Oh Hell, no. I taught her that. Emma!" Ha. Did anyone else have a Veronica Mars flashback? [You learned that from Lilly. --Veronica] [No, Lilly learned that from me. --Logan]
Anyhow, Neal lets himself into his room and smirks at Emma. I can't afford a new TV, so I don't punch his face. Poor Emma has to tell him that she thinks Tamara is the "She" August warned them about. Neal can't believe Emma "roped the kid into this." Emma reminds him she has a "thing with lies." That's probably a more apt way to describe it than a superpower. The writers are working extra hard this week to address this persistent fan complaint, I must say. Neal smirks some more. "You thought you had a thing with lies. I never bought it." Emma won't back down. She tells him about Tamara's Fairy Tale Identity list. Neal says he helped Tamara compile it. C'mon, Neal, like you wouldn't use your dupe to help you dupe that very same dupe.
Emma's real superpower might be controlling her temper as the smug smirker revels in every moment of her discomfort. Even when she cooly asks if she looks like a jealous ex, he nods and grins. Emma keeps on keeping on. "Okay, maybe I'm crazy, but let's find out." She tells him about the floorboard and promises if there's nothing underneath, she'll back off. Neal agrees. After Emma has to ask, Neal helps her lift the floor board. She feels around underneath but finds nothing but the acrid stench of humiliation. To make matters worse, Neal crouches beside her and pukes patronization all over her. "Look, I know Tamara being here is a little awkward..." Emma cuts him off with a, "Don't." After replacing the floor board, she tells Henry it's time to go, and walks out, cringing all the way. Commercial.
Enchanted Forest. Snow says they've stayed too long in one place. There are noises in the woods, and they have to avoid the patrolling Queen's guard. Regina is surprised when Snow arms her with a sword, but of course Snow thinks she's dealing with Wilma. Regina marvels at her good luck as she follows Snow out of their shelter and into the woods. Walking behind Snow, Regina starts to remove the sword from its shaft, and then has second thoughts. Instead, she asks about the Queen's huntsman, and why he didn't tear out Snow's heart. Let's bow our heads in a moment of silence for Graham.
"Wilma" asks Snow if she had the Queen before her now, if she'd kill her. Snow says that she thinks Regina wants to hurt people because she's in constant pain and is always looking for someone to blame. Regina is taken aback when Snow adds that although they lived together, Regina could never see that Snow was on her side. "She wanted revenge more than she wanted love, and I can't imagine living that way. I want to be guided by love, so no. I wouldn't kill her." "Wilma" can't believe people could be that generous or good. Snow disagrees. "I think they are. Even her. She's just afraid to look vulnerable." "Wilma" asks if Snow thinks there's good inside the Queen. Snow says she knows there is. She wishes Regina would give herself a chance to be the good person she once was. She can't believe it's too late for her. "Wilma" asks, "So if she wanted to change, if she wanted to be a family again, if she wanted to be good, would you forgive her for that? Would you let her back in?" Snow says if Regina really meant it, she would love that. "I wouldn't mind a feather bed either, but neither one is happening, so there's no use thinking about it. She wouldn't offer."
"Wilma" says, "Well, sometimes, people can surprise you. By the expression on her face, at first, I think Snow is catching on to Regina's magical disguise. But no. Instead, she's just stumbled upon the open mass grave full of dead villagers who refused to betray Snow to Regina. "Wilma" mutters, "We've gone further than I thought." Snow still doesn't catch on, though. She's too appalled to see how many people have died to help her. "Wilma" takes her arm and says, "You didn't do this." Snow says, "Oh, I know. She did it. I take it back. It is too late for her. I could never forgive her. There is no good in that woman. None. I was wrong. There never was."
"Wilma" says, "What about when she rescued you? The horse?" Foreshadowing the way present-day Snow was able to detect Cora disguised as Lancelot, Snow remembers she never named the person who saved her. "Wilma" claims she read between the lines, but Snow can read between her lies. She draws an arrow and aims it at "Wilma." "It is you. Regina, your dark magic is hiding you somehow, but Regina it is you." Regina admits it is, but claims there is good in her. Snow says, "If this is your idea of good, I want no part of it." Regina again tries to draw on her magical powers. I've seen a lot of criticism of this, but I think it's a nice bit of characterization. Regina has been relying on magic for so long that it's still her first instinct. When her powers fail her, she calls out for Rumpy, but he doesn't appear. Regina lays down her sword, looks Snow in the eye, and runs off. We flash forward to the...
Storybrooke Library. When Regina reaches the main floor, she's started to see that Hook hasn't only survived, but has beaten her there. She really needs to leave herself more plausible deniability in her betrayals. They bicker back and forth until Hook reveals that he's been working with Groan and Tamara, who are responsible for saving him from Nazgûl Maleficent. Hook tells Regina the newbies have a way "against" magic. Regina tries to magic herself out of this jam, but she's powerless. When she looks at her impotent hand, Groan tells her that's not going to work anymore, leaving many to wonder how a magic-free Regina operated the elevator during her return trip. Let's just pretend Groan and Tamara have a very scientific anti-magic remote control. Commercial.
Snow's Hovel. Emma and Henry drown their failure with a big shared bowl of ice cream. Henry tells Emma he still believes her about Tamara. Emma tells him he should, since he's right. Henry says, "And when we prove it, we can all go back to the Enchanted Forest." Poor Emma. We cut to the...
Bean field. Charming, Snow and Grumpy arrive at the field, talking about how much help they'll need in rebuilding the kingdom. Upon passing the magical barrier that cloaks the field, they cannot believe their eyes. The crop has been burnt to the ground, or at least killed with magic. Grumpy scowls and turns to Snow. "Nobody steals from a Dwarf." Snow asks, "Who would do this?" I resist the urge to give her a dope slap. We flash back to the...
Enchanted Forest. Rumpy's Estate. When she barges in the front door, he pretends that he thinks she's just a commoner, looking for a job, and says, "Sorry, dearie, do I know you? I already have a maid -- promising girl, actually." Regina has no patience for this and reminds him he was supposed to come change her back. The imp points out that he never promised to answer her call. After some bickering, Regina realizes that Rumpy wants to hear he was right, so she gives him what he wants. "They'll never love me." He agrees and says it's sad but true, then asks what she'll do now. I love how he's the ultimate chess master here. Regina glares at Wilma's reflection in the mirror and says, "Punish them." Having gotten what he wants, Rumpy returns Regina to her powerful, spectacularly tricked-out self. Looking in the mirror, she says, "The Queen is dead. Long live the Evil Queen." We flash forward to the...
Storybrooke Library. Regina realizes Cora's wrist cuff is responsible for her impotent state. Hook tells her Tamara and Groan rigged it with something that blocks her magic. Regina sneers about Groan doing magic on his own, but he declares it "Science." The entire audience screams that in this show, science should not be able to beat magic, and a SCIENCE BRACELET powered by an Inarticulate Explanation The Stupid Audience Should Mistake For Science shouldn't even be able to slow it down. I'm not going to insult your intelligence further by quoting him.
Tamara takes her Fairy Tale Identity list out of her pocket and asks with whom they're dealing. Groan stammers that this is the Evil Queen, then reminds Regina that here and now, she's nothing. Regina is impressed that he's done all this to find his father. She insists she doesn't know where Kurt is, but Groan won't buy it, and adds, "But that's not my mission." When Regina asks what is, Groan smiles and says, "I'm not telling you." I would like to empathize with this grown man who was once wee Owen, but since learning his main mission isn't to save his father, my empathy for him has been rendered weaker than Regina's mojo. Groan shoots a look at Tamara and says, "Bag her." As Tamara covers Regina's head, we fade to black.
If my episode grade was based only on all of Emma's scenes, and on the scenes in which Regina as "Wilma" was touched by Snow's capacity for forgiveness, I would probably have given this episode something in the A range. But I can't divorce myself from how the character of Regina is failing for me. The crazier she gets, the less accessible she is. As I mentioned in the recaplet, while I certainly understand that, at the time, Snow wasn't determined enough to let herself kill Regina, it's harder to take when she's still standing over the open mass grave of an entire village that died to save her. I think it does the character of Snow a disservice somehow because it's not only about how much personal pain Snow is willing to accept from Regina. It's also about how much Snow will let others suffer, to maintain the vanity that she will always find a way to live up to her mother's ideals. Before I leave you, allow me this...
Sidebar. That we've picked up right where "Lacey" left off (combined with a Jennifer Morrison comment for which I've lost the link) makes me wonder exactly how much time has passed in present day Storybrooke since the series premiered. I'm pretty sure Jennifer said something like only a few months have passed (even though for the audience it's closer to a year and a half). We know Henry has turned 11, but we've never heard that Emma hit 29 (which could have happened off screen and gone without mention). I'm bringing this up, because I can't help but think of the Walt conundrum on Lost. Like Once Upon A Time, Lost didn't unfold in real time. During the entire first season of that show, only 44 days passed. That's fine, until you add child actors in the mix. Although it's less striking than it was with Walt, there's already been a marked physical change in Henry. I have three adolescents of my own. When a growth spurt hits, you feel like you've awoken in a time-lapse video. I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't better serve the show to play out in something closer real time. Since it looks like we're headed to Neverland, I'm even more wary. Fictional children don't grow up in Neverland, but that's not going to stop Jared Gilmore. Were it up to me, I'd let the Charmings take the summer to enjoy southern Maine's beaches and seafood, and resume action in the fall. To explain how they passed the time, some of season three's flashbacks could flash back to the summer, rather than the Enchanted Forest. What do you think?
I will be back with coverage of "Second Star to the Right." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're getting Emma some more ice cream.
I will be back with coverage of "Second Star to the Right." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're getting Emma some more ice cream.