To Catch A Thief

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.

Once Upon A Time in the Enchanted Forest, Robin Hood breaks into Rumpelstiltskin's manor in order to steal a magic wand. Rumpy quickly subdues the thief, locks him up and tortures him. After Belle frees Robin, Rumpy is angry. He's also distressed that Robin grabbed the wand on his way out the door. All Belle can offer in response is a lame, "I saw good in him." Rumpy insists she accompany him, when he sets out to catch the thief.

In exchange for Robin intel, the sodden Sheriff of Nottingham wants a night (or at least 20 minutes -- and come on, he's soused enough that 20 minutes is probably overly optimistic) with Belle, but Rumpy proposes another bargain, which I'll cover in the recap. Suffice it to say, Soddenham comes around to Rumpy's point of view.

Robin uses the lifted wand to restore the health of an ailing woman. Rumpy wants to do him in, but Belle is sure their thief has a heart of gold and points out that his patient is pregnant. Rumpy lets his magical arrow miss its mark and, in doing so, earns a hug from Belle. Robin and the not-so-much-a-Maid Marian flee.

Rumpy and Belle return to his estate. He escorts her to his library and while he pretends it's just another room for her to clean, we know the truth. If you managed not to sing, "Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme..." you're a better man than I, Gunga Din. I mean, I don't even root for this couple and yet....

Storybrooke. Present. Gold dreams that he turns Henry into a china doll and smashes him to pieces. Were Belle there and herself, I'm sure she'd think he was just trying to make a friend for Chip.

Upon learning that Nealfire is Henry's dad, Regina is less than thrilled that Rumpy is Henry's grandfather. She reminds Gold he always chooses darkness. Just because she's a liar doesn't mean she's wrong. Regina visits Belle before she's discharged from the hospital, and magics up an enchanted matchbook. When she hands it to Belle, Belle becomes her cursed self -- Lacey.

Lacey is a little… racy. I'm sorry. I've known for weeks this episode was coming, so I should have something better than that for you, but then madmen blew up my city. My Captain Obvious identity has assumed the helm of the few synapses that continue to fire. Anyhoodle, when Gold goes to pick up Belle, she's already left the hospital for The Rabbit Hole. Now she simply remembers Gold as a hospital visitor, but at least she's stopped screaming.

Gold confronts Regina, who blows him off, so he turns to David . Since David managed to win Snow's heart -- even while they were both laboring under false memories -- Gold thinks David can be of help and reminds our prince that if he does so, Rumpy will be indebted to him. David, who understands "we are one," tells Gold to show Belle the man with whom she first fell in love.

Gold takes Lacey out for dinner. He spills wine on her, so she takes off, allegedly to clean up, but really to make out with Soddenham in an alley. Gold finds them and scares off Soddenham, but Lacey is not impressed. She confesses she only agreed to dinner in an attempt to be nice and says, "But that's not me. That's you."

Later, Lacey catches Gold beating the bejesus out of her suitor. Instead of being appalled, she is a little turned on. Dun dun dun! I have to say, I think this is a smart move. I love Carlyle and de Ravin separately, but I've been unable to buy into them as a couple. If/since David is right about post-curse Enchanted Forestians being an amalgam of their original selves and their cursed selves, maybe I'll find it easier to accept Belle with Rumpy, after she's explored her dark side.

In other news, David and Snow bring Emma to the magically concealed bean field. Once Emma and Anton catch up, she realizes her parents want to use the beans to bring them back to the Enchanted Forest and she's not thrilled about that. Maybe I'm having a Libby/Hurley moment, but for about a half second, I found myself 'shipping Emma and Anton. Is it just me? He's so much nicer than Neal.

After a conversation with Emma (about Nealfire), Regina suspects the Charming family is up to good which, in Regina's book, is no good. Upon seeing Snow, Charming, and the Dwarfs return from work, she uses a locator spell (or possibly, as my son suggests, Fidelity Investments) to find the bean field. In other other news, Tamara and Greg bring to town the one man they can count on to do their evil bidding: HOOK!

I will be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're full of beans.

Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Once Upon A Time, on Once Upon A Time, In New York, Neal introduces Tamara to Emma. During the first days of Storybrooke, Regina and Graham (sob) capture Kurt Flynn, who orders his son Owen to run. In contemporary Storybrooke, Owen is all grown up and posing as Gregor Mendel. When Regina figures out his true identity, he tells Regina he's not leaving town without his father. Regina lies (probably, I mean, why not go with the odds) that his father isn't there. A wooden August tries to warn Emma about Tamara, but is interrupted by Tamara, who more or less kills him with her very special taser. Tamara and Gregor Mendel make out. Blue restores adult, wooden August into the human child, Pinocchio. The boy can't remember what the man wanted to tell Emma. In L'enchantement, Belle agrees to go with Rumpy, in order to save her homeland. Back to the future...no present, well, rather recent past in Storybrooke, Hook shoots Belle. The impact forces her over the town line, which causes her to forget her original self. In L'enchantement, the seer tells Rumpy a young boy will lead him to his son, and adds, "The boy will be your undoing." Rumpy shrugs that off, with a casual, "Then I'll just have to kill him." Cut to Gold and Henry walking through Manhattan with Emma and Neal in tow.

Now, on Once Upon A Time we open in Mr. Gold's shop. With him are Emma, Neal, Charming, Snow, and the guest of honor, Henry, who is blowing out the candles on his birthday cake. The big happy family cheers and applauds, then Mr. Gold tells the child to choose one object from the shop as a present. Henry chooses a wand, ignores Neal's warning that they're powerful, and asks his newest grandfather how it works. Gold takes the wand and tells Henry he'll show him. And show him he does. As he waves the wand above Henry's head, golden flecks of fairy dust flutter about. Gold flicks his wrist. A bolt of magic washes over Henry and turns him into a(n already cracked) porcelain doll.

The family reacts with the sort of horror you'd imagine. Charming asks, "How could you do that?" Gold says, "The prophecy. The seer said the boy would be my undoing, so I have no choice. I must be his." He raises his cane and smashes his porcelain grandson to bits. Of course this is a dream sequence, so we cut to Gold's bedroom where he wakes with a start. Title card.

Storybrooke. Day. Gold watches from a distance as Neal and Henry fence with Henry's wooden swords. Regina sidles up to Gold and, noting that they've both been sidelined, asks what his son is doing with hers. Gold revels in revealing that Neal is Henry's father. Regina is convinced Gold did this on purpose. Since he had a hand in arranging the adoption, she finds the coincidence too much. Gold insists it's not coincidence, but fate. Regina scoffs at the idea of Gold playing the loving grandpa and tells him Neal and the Charmings will never accept him. "I've seen your dark heart and it always wins out. You always choose darkness." Gold suggests she doesn't know him, but she disagrees. As a parting shot, she asks, "If your own son couldn't bring out the good in you, who will?" In answer, we cut to the...

Hospital. Gold knocks on Belle's open hospital room door. The real fairy tale, of course, is that a person who can sit up, take nourishment, walk and talk is still hospitalized. In our actual world, the sick and dying are routinely turfed. While she still doesn't remember their past, Belle is relieved to see that Gold didn't die. Talk turns to the heartrending phone call Gold made to Belle, when he was dying (or at least "dying") of Hook's poison. Belle can tell his feelings are true and says, "I have a sense about people. I can't explain how, but I could just tell." She accepts that although she can't remember her past, it included Gold, and tells Gold that she remembers him healing her. Gold obfuscates, by telling her she's been through a lot and has been medicated. "Once you remember who you are, it will all become clear." Belle asks if he can help her remember who she is. Gold says he will, provided she helps him do the same. "Belle, you always brought out the best in me, and right now, I need that. So yes, I will do everything I can, to bring you back -- for you and for me." Belle lays her hand on his and says they can help each other. Gold agrees and says he'll arrange to have her discharged. "You've been locked up long enough." We flash back to...

Rumpy's Estate. Belle is sobbing in her cell, when Rumpy appears to insist the crying must stop. Belle is miserable without her loved ones, and the two bicker for a moment, before Rumpy conjures up a pillow and gives it to Belle. She spits that perhaps now she'll get some sleep. Rumpy corrects her: "No, no, no, no. It's not to help you sleep, dearie. It's to muffle the cries so I can get back to work.

Belle and Rumpy are interrupted by a crashing sound. When Rumpy goes to investigate, Belle follows. On the main floor, they catch Robin Hood (Tom Ellis) in the act of stealing a magic wand. He raises his bow and aims at Rumpy, so of course the imp poofs to another location in the room. Robin isn't concerned, because his bow is magical. When he shoots, Rumpy poofs to yet another spot, but the arrow circles the room 'til it finds its target and sinks into his chest. Belle gasps in alarm and rushes to her captor, which really brasses me off. She was just furious at Rumpy and bawling because she so misses her family. Yeah, I know, she can see the good in people. Whatever. Every time we revisit her past with Rumpy, I grow more disillusioned with this couple, because their backstory makes her look like she has Stockholm Syndrome. It's all for naught, because the Immortal Dark One (who apparently is only vulnerable to poisoned pirate hooks) pulls the arrow from his chest and reminds Robin that all magic comes with a price. "And in your case, that's me." Cue the dramatic music and Belle's wide-eyed shock that a beast can be so beastly. Mercifully, we flash forward to the...

Hospital. Regina arrives to find Belle packing, introduces herself as Mayor, and inquires about Belle's recovery. Belle explains that Gold is getting her discharged and plans to help her remember herself. Regina stifles a laugh, bends over as if to pick up something, then conjures up a magical book of matches from The Rabbit Hole. Rising, she asks Belle if she dropped the matches. At first, Belle says she doesn't think she did, so Regina encourages her to keep looking at them. Staring at the matches, Belle becomes entranced. Smiling, she announces that she thinks she remembers who she is. The Cheshire Cat has nothing on our evil regal, who says, "Well, I'm sure Mr. Gold will be thrilled." Commercial.

Granny's Boarding House. Greg (Owen) shows Tamara a map of Storybrooke. Each spot in which he's seen magic is marked with a pushpin. He declares the town is lousy with magic, so he must be watching at home. Seriously, Show, you can't keep having Rumpy say, "Magic always comes with a price," when he, Regina, and previously Cora, generally wield the most powerful mojo with little consequence to themselves. Yes, using the sort of magic they use is what corrupted them in the first place, but magic has become far too easy and powerful for me, this season, particularly in Storybrooke. Also, I sort of wish Greg and Kurt's story had been saved for another time. It would be more interesting to me if Neal knew (before Emma found him again) that Tamara knows about magic, and if he'd brought her to Storybrooke with the idea that she could get rid of it. Tamara wouldn't have to be a white hat, or truly on Neal's side in any way. She could still be playing him for her own reasons. I guess I just miss the focus on Emma and her family. So much has happened to them in the past year, but since they're not allowed to spend much time feeling it neither is the audience. Fairy tales contain action and adventure, but their heart lies in the heart.

I apologize for the digression. Anyhow, Greg encourages Tamara to leave, because if Neal suspects anything, it will make their plans all the more difficult. When Tamara asks, Greg says he has yet to find his father, but he knows he's in Storybrooke. Reminding Tamara that they must take one thing at a time, he asks her if she got "the package." She confirms it's right outside town and stable. She will bring it in tonight, so she advises Greg to be ready. We cut to the...

Magical Bean Field. Charming and Snow bring Emma to it. Of course, since it's cloaked with magic, she just thinks they've brought her to an empty field. She's annoyed by the secrecy and the distraction. After all, August was trying to warn her about someone dangerous. Emma's fears are muted as she passes through the veil and sees not only the bean field, but Anton. After they hug, she notices the beans and wonders why her parents are just getting around to telling her. Charming's non-answer is that they are telling her. "We kept it a secret to protect the crop. Mother Superior cloaked the area. That way Anton can do what he does best." Anton says, "Actually, you haven't seen me play darts, but yeah, I do this pretty good." Emma says, "Anton, don't take this the wrong way, but..." Yeah, Anton, you should have said, "I do this pretty well." Oh wait, no, Emma isn't correcting his grammar. Instead, she asks why he's human size. He exposits about Cora and Regina, but then is interrupted by Grumpy, who orders him back to work.

Alone with her parents, Emma realizes the real reason her parents didn't tell her what they're up to is that they want to use the beans to make a portal back to their world. She reminds them the Enchanted Forest is fraught with ogres, destruction and danger. Charming assures her they can fix all that. It's nothing they haven't done, before. Snow adds, "We can start over, Emma." Emma is disappointed that her mother has changed her mind, too. Snow says, "Not my mind. My heart. After what I did to Cora, I think restoring our land is the best way to mend it." Charming adds it will be good for their whole family, Henry and Emma included. Oh my darlings, geographical escape is no escape at all. Regardless of the fact that Emma is from the Enchanted Forest, she considers this world her home. Charming says, "It's been nothing but cruel to you. If we go back, I think you might be able to have your happy ending." This is what I'm talking about, Show. We need more moments like this one. I'm feeling all the feels, right now. That's why I watch. Lost in thought, Emma turns from her parents. We cut to the...

Hospital. Gold is alarmed that Belle's room is empty and shouts at a nurse, who scurries off to look for her. Looking down at the empty bed he spies the matchbook. We cut to the...

Rabbit Hole. Gold enters and berates the "vile" joint to the bartender (Nicholas Carella). This is a lovely touch, if you think about Rumpy's history with Milah and their local tavern. Bravo, Show. Gold asks the bartender if he's seen a girl with, "...brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, and an accent you wouldn't soon forget. Her name's Belle." The bartender says that sounds a lot like Lacey, and points toward the pool table. Belle's there wearing what must pass for racy clothing at 8 o'clock on a Sunday night family show, but honestly -- you wouldn't raise an eyebrow, if you saw this in your favorite coffee shop... provided it wasn't too cold out.

Gold watches for a moment as Belle plays pool and downs a shot, then he calls to her. Belle corrects him. Her name is Lacey. In another nice touch, Sneezy (who, you'll remember, is town line amnesia patient zero) is with her and cracks that her name ought be Fast Eddie, since she's hustling him. Lacey remembers Gold as the guy who visited her in the hospital, but since she thinks she remembers herself, she asks him to move so she can make her shot. We flash back to the...

Enchanted Forest. Rumpy's Estate. As Belle sweeps the drawing room, she listens to Robin Hood screaming in pain. Soon, Rumpy finds her. He's carrying a bloody apron and looking for a clean one, but they're all still drying. Yes, and we're supposed to accept Belle's love for him. I just can't. Don't misunderstand. Belle isn't afraid to challenge Gold for torturing Robin, just for stealing a wand. That's part of what's frustrating. She knows how ruthless he is, and yet we're supposed to buy that she loved him so much that her kiss could have broken the Dark One's Curse, provided he let it.

Rumpy throws the dirty apron Belle's way, and orders her to clean it too, utters some threat about eventually killing Robin and then leaves. Alone, Belle makes her way down to the dungeon, brings Robin a drink and then frees him. He has a few bloody lash marks on his chest, but not enough that Rumpy should have soiled even one apron, never mind several. I'm not sure, but I'm taking this to mean Rumpy tortures his victim 'til he's a bloody mess, heals him and starts fresh. Robin worries that by freeing him, Belle is making herself a target. He tells her to escape with him. Belle can't, or Rumpy will turn his wrath on her people and land. She watches as Robin flees. We flash forward to...

Storybrooke. Mayor's Office. Gold demands to know what Regina has done to Belle. Regina plays obtuse, but finally admits she's given Belle her cursed memories. I sort of feel that, much like Charming when he woke first from his coma, when Belle was in the secret hospital basement (before the curse was broken), she had no memories or identity at all. And as it happened when Charming saw the windmill in Gold's Shop, the enchanted Rabbit Hole matchbook finally gave Belle a cursed identity. Does that sound right to you? Gold orders Regina to undo it, but she says she can't. Lacey is here to stay. Rumpy threatens Regina, but she is unafraid, because she knows he's on his best behavior, in order to win back his son. Regina rubs in the fact that while only true love's kiss can break the spell, in her current persona, Lacey doesn't feel the same about him. She mocks Gold for insisting he'll make Laceybelle love him. Gold mutters threats about coming suffering, but Regina blows him off, wishes him good luck and says, "Give my best to Lacey." Commercial.

Sidebar: Okay, why didn't true love's kiss work when Gold first tried it on amnesiac Belle? Is it because she couldn't remember him? I'm not sure if I like that rule. Snow was stuck in the sleeping curse, yet Charming's kiss healed her. I guess she still remembered him though. Magical convolutions give me a headache, so I'm moving on.

Granny's Diner. Granny delivers ten bowls of bean free chili to the waiting Grumpy and Charming. Gold enters and tells Grumpy to take a hike so he can bend Charming's ear. Gold tells the prince that Regina has bestowed cursed memories on Belle. "She has a false life, as you did under the curse, with Kathryn, only hers apparently involves a lot more alcohol." Gold figures since even David Nolan managed to win Mary Margaret's heart, he can be his wingman in the quest to woo Belle. Charming points out that Gold got Snow to kill someone. Gold speaks for the audience: "Yeah, someone who would have killed all of you. Look, if you don't want to help, fine. But if you do, for the first time ever, I'm going to owe you a favor." Charming sighs and explains that even under their cursed identities, he and Snow retained a sliver of their real selves inside. Gold needs to show Belle the man with whom she fell in love. We flashback to...

Rumpy's Estate. Rumpy finds Robin missing, so Belle admits she freed him. They argue. Rumpy knows she thinks Robin was probably stealing from him for a noble cause, then he tells her she reads too much. To prove his point, he poofs away her book to free her mind of "poisonous thoughts." Belle blahs about the good she sees in Robin. Rumpy insists she was tricked, but Belle insists there must be a reason he wanted the wand. Rumpy insists people who steal magic never have good intentions. She insists she can't see what's in Robin's heart. Sorry for the repetition, but they're both so insistent, the word insist won't leave my mind. Rumpy conjures up Robin's magical bow, and tells Belle she accompany him on his quest to kill Robin. This is the man with whom she fell in love. Chilling, no? We flash forward to...

Storybrooke. The Rabbit Hole. Hard drinking Laceybelle is approached by Keith (who will be the Sheriff of Nottingham in upcoming L'enchantement scenes, and is played by Red Widow's Wil Traval). Got that? Good, because the first time I watched this, I didn't figure out he wasn't Robin Hood for about five minutes. Charming and Gold enter just as Laceybelle is giving Keith the brush off. Gold's first instinct is violence, but Charming talks him down and they join Laceybelle, who doesn't care for the music, and instead wants to play Van Halen's "Panama." Her talk about being a Hagar fan is lost on Gold, but he follows her to the jukebox and proposes they go on a date. Lacey wants to make it clear she is not Belle. He says he understands, so she says she's heard he's got a frightening reputation. He asks her to give him a chance. Lacey agrees and says they'll meet tonight, at Granny's. She really should have stated a time, because I keep wondering how he'll know when to show up.

After Lacey struts off, Charming says, "Not bad, Don Juan." Gold smirks. "Don Juan was nothing before he made his deal with me." Charming's point is that Gold succeeded in getting her to go out with him. Gold frets that now he has to get her to fall for him. We cut to the...

Waterfront. Emma is reading the Once Upon A Time book, when Regina shows up and asks if she's reading about Henry's father or his grandfather. Oh Queenie, your heart really does have a hole in it. Look at the illustration right in front of your evil face. She's reading about when her parents were expecting her birth, shortly before you cast the Dark Curse. Regina asks Emma how long she thought she could keep Henry's paternity from her. Emma says, "Well, I was going to tell you, but I was kind of busy trying to keep your mother from killing me and my entire family." Game. Set. Match. I love Regina's "You got me," look, before she asks why Neal came to town. When Emma says he wanted to spend time with his son, Regina gets in a crack about how neither he nor Emma cared much about that for the first ten years of Henry's life. Emma isn't playing along. Instead, she advises Regina to concentrate on being the person Henry wants her to be, before she loses him for good. Regina's ears perk up at that, and she asks what "for good" means. Emma says it means nothing. "Unlike you, the rest of the world isn't always scheming to get what they want." Regina knows Emma is hiding something and assures her she'll find out what it is. Do my eyes deceive me, or does the look on Emma's face say that she is using Regina for her own purposes? My word, I hope so. Commercial.

Off-topic Sidebar: Look, I have a sick dog. She didn't eat my homework or anything, but she was spayed earlier this week, and has been having... digestive issues, ever since. I pretty much write a paragraph and then have to take her outside... again. She (and a... sample, oh joy) have to go to the vet, and her appointment is right at deadline, so you're going to get the skinny from here on out.

Laceybelle is wearing a heavily sequined dress for her date at Granny's. Granny cracks that it looks like she hit the back of Ruby's closet. Ha. I miss Ruby. The nervous Gold assumes Lacey will want a burger and an iced tea, but again, she isn't Belle. It's Chicken Parm and (a whole bottle of) white wine for her. Oh Show, if you really want her to be a bad girl, she should order the veal (and red wine). Lacey wants to talk about Gold's bad reputation as a ruthless, powerful turd, but he insists he's just a simple man. People like to believe the worst of him, but he'd rather she sees the best. She says she's discounting the rumors, and when she tells him you can't see what's in a person's heart until you truly know them, Gold is so overwhelmed by this sliver of Belle, that he manages to spill his iced tea on her. Lacey heads to the restroom to clean up, leaving Gold alone with that cruel bitch known as hope. We flash back to...

L'enchantment. Rumpy and Belle are arguing whether or not he has any goodness in him. Eventually Rumpy stops the carriage. The sodden Sheriff of Nottingham (let's call him Soddenham) approaches and Rumpy asks for help in locating his prey. Soddenham will help him catch his thief, in exchange for a night with Belle, or at least an hour, or hell, 20 minutes. In response, Rumpy magically rips Soddenham's tongue from his mouth and makes his counter offer. He'll restore the tongue, and then Soddenham can tell him everything he knows about the thief. Soddenham nods, and once that cat no longer has his tongue he says they can find Robin Hood in Sherwood Forest. Commercial.

Granny's Diner. Granny delivers the dinners, but Lacey never returns from the rest room. Suspecting he's been ditched, Gold checks the empty restroom, then heads out the back door. He'd better not stiff Granny for the check, magic or no, or there will be hell to pay. We flash back to...

Sherwood Forest. Rumpy and Belle find Robin Hood. He runs to an approaching wagon, which bears an ailing woman. It's Marian (played by Christie Laing). Robin waves the magic wand over her and heals her. Belle is chuffed that she was right, and Robin stole the wand for a noble purpose. Rumpy magically sinks her waist-deep in the ground, intending to make her watch as he shoots the thief with his own never-miss bow. She tells him he doesn't have to do this. There's good in him, just as there is in the thief. When Marian rises from the wagon, it's apparent she is with child. Belle tells Rumpy he's not the kind of man to leave a child fatherless. Hello, irony. Rumpy watches as the couple kisses, then shoots the bow, but it hits the wagon, not Robin. Since the bow is magical, this must mean Rumpy had second thoughts, but it's not enough for me, where he and Belle are concerned. Belle feels differently. Despite Rumpy's assertion to the contrary, she is pleased he spared Robin's life and gives him a big hug. We flash forward to...

Storybrooke. Alley. Gold finds Lacey making out with Keith Soddenham and scares him off. When Lacey is angry, Gold realizes she wasn't accosted, but was in that alley because she wanted to be. Once Upon A Time, when my husband and I were first dating, we were parked somewhere kissing. The cops approached the vehicle and asked if I was there because I wanted to be. We weren't in the most romantic of spots, so I made a wise crack, but then had to clarify I wasn't with him against my will. I don't know why I shared that, especially when I already told you I'm in a hurry. The worst part of it all is that we left and went to a bar. Apparently the cops got off duty, because they soon wandered in wearing civvies. Worst of all, my husband knew them from high school. Thankfully, I am from a different town. Getting back to the matter at hand. Lacey wasn't having fun on the date. The only reason she agreed to go out with him was that she was trying to be nice, but she claims that's not her; it's him. Gold insists that she always liked the nice, good part of him. Lacey objects that this is still "all about Belle." While Belle may have loved Gold, Lacey isn't her. After she stomps off, Gold says, "No, you're not." Commercial.

Storybrooke. Granny's. Exterior. Night. Regina watches as Charming and Snow drop off Anton and the Dwarfs, then drive away. Once the men are inside the diner, Regina crosses the street, bends, and lays her hand upon the spot where Charming's truck last sat. Like something out of a Fidelity Investments ad, green lines appear on the road. In her car, Regina follows the lines 'til they stop. She looks around at the nothingness before her and waves her hand. The bean field appears. She approaches the plants and plucks a pod. It's much more dramatic with the background music. We cut back to...

Town. Keith Soddenham meets up with Gold outside the Rabbit Hole and apologizes for making a move on his girl. Gold says he's been trying so hard to be at his best, "... but I guess there's no point, now." He waves his hand and magics Keith's tongue into it. That'll teach him not to shove it down Laceybelle's throat. Gold isn't done. He raises his cane. Let the beating commence. We flash back to...

Rumpy's Estate. Rumpy and Belle arrive home. She bids him goodnight, but as she's walking off, he tells her he has something to show her. He leads her to his library. As she looks around in wonder, he tries to play it like it's just another room for her to clean. When he has so much magic, why is a cleaning lady even necessary. Belle is thrilled by the CGI books and asks if Rumpy did all this for her. He warns her that he'd better not see a speck of dust on the books, but she knows he's fronting. She grabs his hand and says he's not who she thought he was and she's glad. We flash forward to the...

Rabbit Hole Bar. Exterior. Gold is beating Keith Soddenham within an inch of his life, when Lacey rounds the corner. Caught in the act, Gold stops and whispers her name. Lacey raises an eyebrow. "So it is true what they say about you." Gold looks from his victim to his vixen and says it's all true. Lacey closes in on him. "You're not at all who I thought you were, and I'm glad. You really are as dark as people say." Gold turns from Lacey to the still tongueless and suffering Keith, then back again. With his characteristic hand flourish he says, "Darker, dearie." Raising his cane, he adds, "Much darker," then resumes beating the pulp out of Keith. We cut to...

Snow's Hovel. Emma opens the door to find Neal, who has slung the sleeping Henry over his shoulder. Are you kidding me? He's 11 years old, not four. Emma asks if he tranquilized him. Neal plays along and says he just gave him a couple of bourbons. As he lays Henry on the sofa, he explains they had a full day at the park. Emma asks Neal if he ever thought of returning to their land. Neal reminds her he spent most of his life trying to forget it. "I didn't exactly have a fairy tale childhood." Ha. He then wonders why Emma asks, but she lies that there's no reason. Neal says August was at the park. I really think they should call him Pinocchio, now that he's again a child and has no memory of life in Storybrooke and (thank heavens) Phuket, but nobody listens to me.

According to Neal, "August" and Henry hit it off. Of "August" Neal says, "I've got to say he's actually a lot cooler as a kid. Steals less of my money." Oh good, so maybe Emma does know that Neal at least tried to set her up financially after setting her up, criminally. Too bad that couldn't have happened in an onscreen confrontation -- one which included adult August. Emma is still trying to figure out what August was trying to warn her about. When she tries to describe what happened to him, Neal offers that August got "rebooted," which pleases me. Neal is confident Emma will solve the mystery of August's warning. "If there's one thing I know about you, you don't stop until you find what you're looking for." That line hits Emma in the gut. Off her sad face, we cut to the...

Town Line. Greg meets up with Tamara. After they smooch she proposes they open "the package." Greg asks if she thinks their package will cooperate. Tamara says from what she knows about him, it won't take much convincing to get him to help. Greg asks why she thinks that. As Tamara opens the back of her rented trailer truck, she says, "Because if there's one person you can count on to do your dirty work -- it's a pirate." And there's our pretty Captain Hook, bound and gagged. And here's me, running out the door. I just want to add that I am glad Belle's cursed self is attracted to bad boys. I think it might just help me accept this couple, which I'm really going to need to do (for my own sanity) assuming they're endgame. I hope the show lets Lacey be bad on her own, and not just standing on the sidelines, cheering for Gold to be evil.

I will be back with coverage of "The Evil Queen," because really, we hardly know anything about Regina. Sheesh. How about an episode focusing on the Savior? Oh well, it actually looks to be interesting. I'm just impatient with season 2. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're full of beans.

I will be back with coverage of "The Evil Queen," because really, we hardly know anything about Regina. Sheesh. How about an episode focusing on the Savior? Oh well, it actually looks to be interesting. I'm just impatient with season 2. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're full of beans.