In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Once Upon A Time, an Evil Queen ripped out her own father's heart and used it to cast the Dark Curse -- a curse that would give everyone new identities and transport them into a brave new world in which there is no magic, so naturally -- Maine. To prove there is no magic, the Horowitzing Kitsis-y show runners kill off Hottie Sheriff Graham. Now they bring him back just to torment us before they once again take him away. The end.
How happy would I be if I could just submit that as my recaplet? Extremely. But some kid just threw a bunch of dynamite down my wishing well. Hey kid, get offa my lawn! So anyhow, we begin in 1983. The curse has just been cast. Regina is thrilled at first, probably because her 1983 doesn't involve leg warmers, oversized shoulder pads, peplums and an unholy taste for neon, but I digress (probably because I can rock a well-fitted peplum). Once she realizes that Snow White doesn't even hate her in this time, Regina grows dissatisfied with her new life, even though Sheriff Graham warms her bed each night. There's no pleasing some people. This week, I'm one of them.
The problem is that when Regina casts the Dark Curse that would transport everyone to our world, there are a couple of New Jerseyans camping out in the Maine wilderness. Magic whooshes over their tent (and knocks a tree atop their SUV), so they're stuck in town for a bit. The man, Kurt (John Pyper-Ferguson), and his son, Owen (Benjamin Stockham), are stranded in Storybrooke until their vehicle can be repaired. Regina is at first alarmed enough by their presence that she pressures Billy the mechanic (Gus Gus!) to fix the SUV ASAP, but once she fixates on little Owen, she tries to delay their departure.
Daddy Kurt is appropriately creeped out and tries to hustle his son out of Storybrooke, but Sheriff Hottie, with Regina riding shotgun, gives chase. When Graham arrests Kurt on trumped up charges, Kurt yells at Owen to run, which he does. When State Police bring the boy back to the spot where he swears his father was abducted, neither they nor he can see Storybrooke. They also can't see Mayor Crocodile Tears standing there, staring at them.
In present day Storybrooke, Snow is mostly as catatonic as the Game Change version of Sarah Palin. Instead of talking to her and trying to comfort her, the rest of the Charmings get caught up in doing something to stop Regina from exacting revenge. Regina not only learns hard, she also hardly learns, so she wants to rip out Snow's heart and use it to cast a spell on Henry that will make him love (or something like it) her.
Henry decides to blow up the wishing well to see if that will destroy magic in Storybrooke. Neal and the Charmings chase after him, but it's Regina, who magics away his dynamite, that ultimately stops the boy. Damn the luck. This show needs some better magical rules, stat. For her efforts, Regina is rewarded by a suicidal Snow White, who arrives at the Mayor's manse and begs her to rip out her heart. Regina obliges, but when she sees the black spot that has formed on Snow's heart, she decides that cackling is the best revenge and shoves it back in. In other news, which surprises no one who caught the flashback scenes, Gregor Mendel is Owen. He's all grown up and has taken to recording magical events, instead of seeking out his poor father, who has probably been locked up in the psych ward, for 28 years.
You all know I love this show, but I've officially lost patience with it. Like Snow's, its own heart has started to grow black. It keeps sacrificing character development on the altar of plot, and I'm sick of it. I realize I'm taking out a season's worth of frustrations on one little (entertaining enough) episode, but as I was typing the episode number on my document, it hit me that there are only five episodes left to this season, yet we've had precious little of what made the first season so great -- emotional resonance.
The glimpse at early Storybrooke is fun and answers a few questions, but mostly with explanations the fandom agreed upon more than a year ago. Here's hoping the remaining episodes right the ship, because if the recent ratings trend is any indication, it's taking on water.
I will be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we are trying to reassemble Graham's crushed heart, and my own.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Once Upon A Time, long ago and far way, in 1983, a father named Kurt Flynn (John Pyper-Ferguson) and his son, Owen (Benjamin Stockham), were camping in the woods of coastal Maine. Sitting by their fire, Kurt teaches Owen how to weave gimp (not that, you pervs -- this). Showing his work to his father, wee Owen notes he chose the colors green and red as an homage to Luke and Darth's light sabers, so immediately, we realize Owen is going to grow up to be the man we know and yawn at -- Gregor Mendel. That's not a criticism, by the way. I don't watch this show for shockers, but for the journey. My complaint is that I'm overflowing with Regina and Gold's journeys. I want to see more emotional moments (good and bad) between Emma and her family (including Neal).
Kurt teases Owen about his gimp craftsmanship, and then pulls an old brown leather woven lanyard out of his pocket. "Your grandpa taught me how to make these when I was your age." Owen smiles when his father gives him the lanyard. "You weren't very good at this, when you were my age, were you?" Kurt laughs and says it's time to start dinner, but when he rises, a wild storm whips up out of nowhere (nowhere in this world, anyhow). Kurt tells Owen to put the fire out. I'm glad they're being conscientious, but this is exactly why I don't camp -- I'd be counting on Mother Nature to extinguish the fire while I took shelter in my car. Of course Kurt's car is a bright orange SUV, so maybe he doesn't want to die in it. No, he definitely doesn't, given that they take shelter in their tent.
I realize tents are waterproof, or at least waterproof-y, but this is one hell of a storm, so I'm more bothered than I should be about these two hunkering down in a tent when they have a nice watertight SUV ten feet away from them. They peek outside to see green and purple smoke enveloping the forest. As it overwhelms their tent, Kurt pulls Owen back inside. The morning, the guys emerge to survey the damage. There are a few downed branches here and there, but a big tree has crashed on top of their SUV. The Contrivance Fairy says, "Now do you understand why they sought shelter in their tent?" I do, CF. I do indeed. But why didn't any branches land on their tent? The Contrivance Fairy says, "Do you take me for a murderer?" Kurt pulls out his map and compass, intending to hike out to the highway, but when they get to the ridge they see an entire town, where yesterday there was nothing but wilderness.
As the Flynns walk Storybrooke's main drag, Kurt rambles about how there was nothing here the day before. It's like the whole town dropped out of nowhere. The guys are looking up at the Storybrooke Library clock tower, which is stuck at 8:15, when the best thing ever happens: A Storybrooke Sheriff's cruiser pulls up behind them, and who should get out of it but Sheriff Graham? He asks them if they need help, then introduces himself and says, "Welcome to Storybrooke." Title card! I just want to stay here, in this moment, when Graham is alive, well, and as appealing as ever. May I? May I please?
We open on Regina's eyes. A helpful chyron tells us we're in Storybrooke, 1983. Regina sits up in bed and looks around for a moment -- eyes wide with wonder. Rising, she heads to the window and looks out at her brand new town. "I did it. I won." She opens her closet, which contains way too much black, grey and taupe for 1983. I know Regina wouldn't be a neon gal, but her trademark purple would not be out of place. She takes a black shift from the rack, then heads to her mirror and holds it up in front of her, and smiles. Really? I'd already be regretting the curse if I suffered such a wardrobe downgrade. It's a perfectly lovely dress, but talk about your comedowns. I'm a little disappointed too because Show, if you plop a flamboyant queen in the middle of 1983, there should be sequins and shoulder pads, and way bigger hair.
After a time-cut, Regina walks through town. On her way she sees Gold walking down the other side of the street. He passes Marco (Geppetto), who is up on a ladder, fixing the sign over Neighbor's Five & Dime. As she approaches the diner, she hears Ruby arguing with Granny. Ruby is back in her tacky hooker-wear, which includes red short-shorts, and strappy black heels worn over white ankle sox. Ruby is angry that Granny has put her on the early shift. Granny says, "It's not my fault you stayed out all night. When I put 'over-easy' on the menu, I was talking about the eggs." Aw, while I feel the season has suffered from a dearth of Ruby and Granny, I didn't realize how much I missed Cursed Ruby and Granny's bickering. Regina stifles her smile as she walks by. she passes Archie and Pongo. Archie wishes "Madame Mayor" a good morning. Regina's voice is dreamy as she says, "'Morning, Crick... Dr. Hopper." Archie smiles. "Beautiful day, isn't it?" Regina chuckles. "Yes! Yes it is."
Mary Margaret Blanchard addresses her class, teaching a lesson we first heard in the pilot, so allow me to more or less plagiarize myself. She's holding a beautiful blue bird... as she lectures her class about the purpose of the birdhouses they are building. "What you're making is a home, not a cage. A bird is free. It will do what it will. This is for them, not us. They're loyal creatures." At the open window, she sets her bird free, and it flies 'til it lands on its blue house. The children are enchanted. Ms. Blanchard continues. "If you love them and they love you, they will always find you." She looks so sad as she stares off into the ether. The bell brings her back to the present.
As the children exit the classroom, Regina enters. She wants to know how long Mary has been teaching at the school. That is, she wants to know how long Mary thinks she's been teaching at the school. Mary considers this for a moment, then says, "Um...I...I'm not sure. As long as I can remember." Satisfied for the nonce, Regina says, "Come with me."
At the hospital, Regina walks to the comatose David Nolan's bedside and asks Mary if she knows their John Doe. Mary says she does not, but her voice is hopeful when she says, "Maybe someday, he'll wake up. Maybe someone who loves him will find him." Regina's smile approaches a satisfied smirk. "That would be nice for him." Lowering her voice to an edgy whisper, she adds, "But I wouldn't count on it."
Over at Granny's Diner, Regina is seated at the counter when Graham enters and bids her a good morning. Taking one for the audience, Regina says, "That uniform suits you nicely, Sheriff. So... well-fitted." Leaning in, Graham asks if she wants him come over later. She doesn't get a chance to state her answer, but her smile makes it clear that she does.
I'm so happy to see Graham that I want to ignore the icky rape implications that overwhelm their "relationship." No dice. I recall reading a discussion in which a viewer said Horowitz and/or Kitsis disagree that Regina has been raping Graham for all these years. I have no idea if either of them actually said that because most of the time, I avoid show-based media. I don't like off-screen explanations tainting my perception of what I see on-screen. Moments like this are exactly why. I don't care what a creator or writer says off-screen, if the on-screen story flies in its face.
When a magical Evil Queen rips out people's hearts and then uses those hearts to control their actions, and exerts said control to get a handsome huntsman/Sheriff into her bed, she has slipped him a Roofie. You can call it whatever you want, Creatives, but that doesn't make it not rape. With his heart in her hands (or at least, her vault) Graham is incapable of consent. She is forcing him to copulate. Rape is a horrible crime. That said, if there's a continuum of iniquity, murder is the ultimate because the victim can never heal. Since, in a fit of pique, Regina ultimately murders Graham, saying (and really, pretending, yes) Regina isn't is rapist does nothing to make her actions toward him any more palatable. She takes away his agency and then his life. She is horrible and wicked. She is Evil Incarnate. Sure, I feel for her. Sometimes, I even root for her redemption (but not for a long time, please), but Evil she is, and I won't pretend otherwise -- to do so would be to engage in that "legitimate rape" bullshit.
The flirtation is interrupted by Owen, who is totally socially awkward. "Hey, you like apple pancakes, too?" Regina turns and asks the other customers, "Whose child is this?" Marco says he's not his. "I was never so lucky." I'm not sure the writers should have gone to that well, since Geppetto hasn't looked for Pinocchio since early in the season.
Kurt Flynn introduces himself and apologizes for the awkward boy, then tells Regina they're looking for a hotel room. Taken aback, Regina excuses herself and calls Graham aside to ask him about the Flynns. He explains how the two were camping and says, "I was just as surprised as you." Regina hisses, "I don't like surprises, Sheriff. I find them threatening. And do you know what happens when I feel threatened?" Aladdin and Jasmine should be there, singing, don't you think? Instead, Regina adds the unnecessary explanation: "Bad things." We flash forward to the...
Storybrooke Cemetery. Present. Inside the Mills Mausoleum, Thoroughly Modern Mayor rubs a gloved hand over the plaque on her mother's bier. "Cora Mills. Beloved Mother." I guess there wasn't room to add, "Of All Evil." Spilling her trademark crocodile tears, Regina lays a rose atop the casket and wallows in her own grief because wallowing in grief is nothing if not Regina's gift. She's interrupted by Gold, which on one hand is good because Regina loves an audience. On the other hand, it's also good because Regina has someone at whom she can lash out.
Gold lays a second Rose on the casket and blathers about paying his respects and how, despite their differences, Cora will always hold a place in his heart. Regina's not buying. "You killed her to save her own life." Gold says desperate times call for desperate measures. Regina: "Like getting Mary Margaret to trick me into killing my own mother. You may be able to hide behind your dagger, but she can't. She is going to die for what she did." Gold reminds Regina that would cost her Henry's love, and counsels her to abandon her quest for vengeance since it will never make her happy. Regina insists it will, so Gold reminds her, "You had a whole curse worth of vengeance. And what did it get you? A gaping hole in your heart." Regina: "That was your curse." Gold: "Which you cast. Still haven't learned your lesson, have you?" Regina: "What lesson?" Gold: "The same one your mother learned, a long time ago: You can't have everything. She wanted power. Ripped out her own heart to get it. You want vengeance. Henry's the price you'll pay. Time to cut your losses." Regina says, "Never. I will have my son, and I will have my vengeance. I will find a way to find everything."
I can't help but wonder if Gold isn't playing both ends against the middle here. He's saying all the right things and saying them convincingly enough to cover his arse where Neal is concerned, yet he knows Henry will be his "undoing." As we've discussed before, "undoing" can mean a lot of things, and in Gold's case, not all of those things are bad, but he's a coward -- a coward who knows Regina. He knows she's unlikely to listen to him. He knows she's recalcitrant enough; that telling her to abandon vengeance may just further fuel her desire for it. It's possible he's trying to sow the idea that Regina needs to give up Henry to get what she truly wants. Trust no one, is what I'm saying. Commercial.
Present. Snow's hovel. Snow White is lying in bed. She won't eat, talk or join the living, so Henry asks what's wrong with her. Emma says Snow is a little sick, but Henry knows she's lying and says so. After exchanging looks and glances with David, Emma admits to Henry that Snow was "partially" responsible for Cora's death. Henry insists Snow White wouldn't hurt anyone. It's time for some straight talk with this kid, but it's not going to happen because Gold knocks at the door and announces that Regina is out for vengeance. He's not inclined to help them, but David insists upon it. "Aside from us being family now, Mary Margaret saved your life. Now you owe her a debt and you always pay your debts, don't you? You're going to help us stop Regina." We flash back to...
1983. Granny's Dinner. Kurt and Owen are sitting at the counter when Regina enters and announces the child is sitting in her seat. As a kid, Owen is best suited to explain the laws of our world to this former queen: he got there first. You snooze, you lose, Regina. Regina seems to get it, so she changes the subject and tells Kurt his car should be fixed by the end of the week. Kurt seems surprised, since the mechanic told him it would take two weeks to get parts. I missed the writing credits at the opening, but I didn't miss the damage to the car. The roof and hood were somewhat dented. That's a dent-pulling job, my friends. It's not a wait for weird parts situation.
During the course of conversation, Regina wonders where the guys are from. Kurt: "New Jersey, home of the Boss." Hee. I love how clueless Regina is, here. Kurt thanks her "Mayorness" for expediting their repairs. He and Owen are on their way out, when Owen stops and takes the gimp lanyard he made out of his pocket, and gives it to Regina. "It's a gift for letting me sit in your seat." Touched, Regina says, "For me?" She stares at it in wonder, until we cut to...
The morning, Regina is lying in bed to a sleeping Graham. She rises, goes to the window and smiles out at her town. We jump to the hospital, where she smiles as she watches Mary stand over David's bed. When Regina walks down the street, she again sees Gold walking down the other side. Marco is once again up on his ladder, fixing Neighbor's sign. As Regina approaches the diner, Ruby and Granny are again outside bickering. While the words are changed, their conversation remains the same in substance. Ruby: "This is the last time I'm working the early shift." Instead of making the "over-easy" comment, Granny throws her hands in the air and walks off. Ruby's wearing red leather pants, instead of short shorts this time. So things are a little different, but not materially. Archie and Pongo pass Regina, and Archie gives her the same greeting. Regina smiles back at him, and then bumps into Mary Margaret. When Regina scolds Mary, she nods and skitters off like a terrified mouse. I think Regina takes more pleasure at that than she does at sharing Graham's bed. We flash forward to...
The day. Regina wakes with Graham. At the hospital, she smiles as she sees Mary leave a white tulip on David's bedside table (earlier she left Snow Drops). As Regina walks down the main drag, Gold and Marco are in their usual positions. Ruby and Granny are, too. This time, Ruby is wearing a hat and black short shorts. In response to Archie's, "Beautiful day," Regina snarls, "Save it." Mary and Regina bump into each other again, so Mary being Mary says she's sorry. Regina: "I ran into you. Why are you apologizing?" Mary: "No, I should have been looking where I was going." Regina is surprised (and disappointed?) that Mary isn't going to fight back. Mary: "Fight back? Why would I do that?" then goes on her way. Regina looks so dissatisfied as she turns to watch her clueless victim.
Regina barges into Gold's shop and announces she's not happy. Once she mentions the deal, it's clear Gold has no memory of their past life. That doesn't stop Regina from whining that she was supposed to be happy here. Gold wonders how the most powerful woman in town can be unhappy. Regina says people only do what she wants because they must, not because they want to. She hates that it's not real. Gold asks her what she wants. Regina answers, "Nothing you can give me." As she walks out, she takes Owen's red and green lanyard out of her pocket.
Outside, Regina uses the pay phone to call Kurt. She says she'd love to see Owen and invites the guys over for dinner, smiling broadly when he accepts. We flash forward to the...
Present. Cemetery. Mills Mausoleum. Regina rifles through Cora's belongings, pausing only to gaze at a locket containing a pictures of Cora and her. Come on, Show. Cora's locket would have two pictures of Cora, and you know it. Regina pulls down one of Cora's gowns and starts ripping it. It's then that a little scroll falls out. Regina unrolls it. As she reads it, a smile shines through her tears. "Thank you, Mommy." That wasn't creepy at all. Shudder.
Present. Mills Mausoleum. David and Gold find the vault in disarray. Gold realizes Regina plans to use a spell against Mary Margaret. When he looks at Cora's box of potions, he realizes two ingredients are missing -- chimera's blood and viper's eye. Charming asks, "What kind of curse do you need those, for?" Gold: "It's the Curse of the Empty-Hearted." Well, seeing as Snow is presently catatonic, casting that curse seems like overkill. I'm so frustrated we get so little family interaction on this show. I already ranted about this in the recaplet, so I'm trying to hold my tongue, but I'm so bitter right now.
Back at Snow's, Gold and David catch Emma up on the situation. Ah, it seems the Curse of the Empty-Hearted won't be cast upon Snow because Gold explains, "In theory, it has the power to make someone love you." Emma's up on her fairy tale lore, so she knows magic cannot be used to bring someone back to life or force someone to love you. Gold clarifies that this spell can make someone think he loves you. Henry comes downstairs and says he knows Regina will use it on him. David tries to hustle the boy back upstairs, but Henry stands firm. Ready to offer himself up, Henry says, "If all she wants is me..." but Gold interrupts him. "Your mother is a complicated woman. She wants your love, of course, but she also wants vengeance on Mary Margaret. [...] The last ingredient she needs to enact the curse is the heart of the person she hates the most." Emma tells Gold he must stop Regina. Gold laughs. "No, I don't have to do anything. On the contrary, I believe warning you fulfills my debt." Charming says it's not even close. "This is my wife's life we're talking about." Emma chimes in, "Not to mention, your grandson's." Gold looks at his "undoing" and says, "Well, wars have costs." Emma and I both say, "Nice," at the same time, so Gold explains that this is a blood feud between Regina and Snow. The only way to end it is by spilling more blood. As he sees it, killing Regina is the only way to solve their problem.
Shocked, Emma's voice is soft as she asks, "Is there no other option?" Gold: "I'm afraid not." Henry has had it up to however tall he is and tells these foolish adults to stop it. "Listen to yourselves. You're talking about killing my mom. You used to be heroes. What happened to you?" When he runs out the door, Emma follows. As she grabs her jacket, she turns back to David and Gold and tells them that no matter how this plays out, they must keep Henry as far away from it as possible. David nods. After Emma leaves, Gold says, "She's right. Cora was dangerous because she didn't have a heart. Regina is even more dangerous because she does." We flash back to...
1983. Regina's House. Even when Owen pooh-poohs Regina's lasagna, she finds the boy enchanting, and confesses that apple products are cooking forte. She tells him to go out to the kitchen and pick out some good apples. Once the boy is gone, Kurt laughs. He's a little too amused by his kid, whom he describes as a free spirit, like his mother. Regina says, "Is she back in New Jersey... with the Boss?" Heh. Kurt explains his wife died six months prior. They've taken this trip to help get Owen's mind off things.
Regina says she came here to start over too, but it isn't turning out the way she hoped. Kurt asks, "Why not?" Regina: "What good is a new life, if you don't have anyone to share it with?" Owen hollers from the kitchen, "Hey, I thought we were making dessert." After a time cut, he watches as Regina puts three apple tarts in the oven, then asks her why she isn't a mother. When Regina says just didn't work out that way, Owen says, "That's too bad. You'd be really good at it." Regina smiles and thanks him. They chit chat and she asks how he likes Storybrooke. Owen's answer that it's better than New Jersey surprises Regina, so she says, "You don't miss your home? Your friends?" Owen says he hates it there. The kids all treat him weird because of his mother's death. "Nobody gets it. It's like..." With tears in her eyes, Regina finishes his thought: "...there's a piece of your heart missing." Kurt enters the kitchen and asks how dessert is coming. Regina says it's great and then pretty much says, hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but my heart's empty, can I take your baby? Okay, she couches that as an invitation for them to move to town. She can arrange for a new job, etc. While Owen is thrilled at the chance for a new start, Kurt realizes just exactly how insane his hostess is, so he thanks her, but explains their life is in New Jersey. Regina pretends like she knows how to accept rejection. We flash forward to...
Present. Granny's Diner. As they enter, Henry asks Emma, "Why did you bring me here? I don't want to talk to you." Oh come on, kid. It's not like Emma was the one planning to kill Regina. That was your new Grampy. Emma is more patient than me, so she just says, "You don't have to," as she steers him to Neal's booth. Neal the eel is all, "Heya buddy." Ruby delivers a sundae with extra everything, which Neal slides over to Henry. Such a rookie mistake. Henry knows a bribe when he sees one, and calls Neal out on it, so the eel confesses that Emma has caught him up on what's going on. He thinks it's a good idea if Henry comes to New York with him for a while. If he's not in Storybrooke, he's not in magic's reach. Henry suggests that they find a way to rid Storybrooke of magic. "It would solve everything." Neal says the kid is right, but says that until they figure how to do that, the boy should come with him.
Emma is sitting at the counter when Gregor Mendel brings his sandwich to the counter and asks Red to wrap it up so he can take it on a hike. He explains Dr. Whale said it would be good for him, and he's a bit of a nature-photography nerd. Don't undersell your nerdliness, Greg. You're nearly 40 years old and you have the Star Wars theme as your ringtone. Emma's just surprised he hasn't gone back to Pennysylvania yet. Greg says, "This town's starting to grow on me." He thanks Red for wrapping his sandwich and leaves. When Red shoots her a concerned look, Emma returns with a look that pretty much says, That fool is so low on my list of priorities, I can't even....
Neal is seated alone at the booth when Emma returns. Neal says everything went fine and Henry agreed to go to New York. They just have to go home and pack. As Neal brags about what a natural parent he is, Emma looks at him, no doubt wondering what she ever saw in him, and points out that it's a bit odd Henry took his backpack to the bathroom. Neal starts to stammer out a response, but Emma interrupts. "To the bathroom? Did you really fall for that?" Her "you tool" is strongly implied. "He's your son." As dawn breaks over Neal's thick skull, he says, "He's running."
Woods. Henry runs through the woods. Yeah, no, that's all there is to the scene. The writers must have used black magic to determine I'd be running up against my deadline, and they just decided to troll me by making me start a new scene for nothing. Just remember, dearies, magic always comes with a price. Commercial.
Regina arrives at Snow's place and magics open the door. Snow sits silently on her bed and barely acknowledges her tormentor. Regina exercises her hexing hand, and approaches her prey, only to find Gold is standing watch. Regina looks past him, at Snow. "He can't be your guard dog, forever. We cut to the...
Garage. Billy the mechanic (Gus Gus!) is surprised Regina wants him to delay the Flynn's repairs, since she'd earlier asked him to expedite them. Regardless, it's too late. Flynn just picked up his car. We cut to...
Regina's Office. Regina takes my sweet Graham's heart in her hand and uses it like a walkie talkie. She orders him to find the Flynns before they cross the town line and arrest Kurt for drunk driving, then bring Owen to her. When she turns back toward the door, Kurt is already standing there. She quickly shoves Graham's heart back in its box, but it's clear Kurt heard her. Regina lies that it wasn't what it sounded like. Kurt backs up and mutters about how he doesn't want any trouble. Regina promises it's all a misunderstanding, but Kurt knows better. Then poor Graham enters, arrests Kurt and tries to cuff him. As he struggles against Graham, Kurt insists he hasn't been either drinking or driving, then says, "What did she do? She's controlling you. I don't know how, but she had this glowing thing. It was shaped like a heart." Graham laughs at that. "And you say you haven't been drinking." Kurt pushes the box off Regina's desk. Graham falters and grabs at his chest. As Kurt runs out, Graham looks up at Regina and says, "What was that?" Outside, Kurt runs to the car and tells Owen they have to get out of there. We flash forward to the...
Present. Woods. Neal runs into Gregor and falls flat on his back. Greg asks if the kid is okay. Henry insists he is, and lies that he's trying to get a merit badge for Scouts. Greg lies back that he's hiking, and wants to take pictures of Maine's scenic beauty. Eager to leave, Henry points Greg toward the hiking trail. Greg thanks him, picks up the boy's backpack, comments on his name, and wishes him luck with his merit badge. Henry takes off. We cut to the...
Mines. Using her keen sense of smell, Red follows Henry's scent and leads David, Emma and Neal down into the mines. David realizes Henry was looking for dynamite. Lost fans will feel me when I say I hope Henry doesn't get the Arzt treatment, or the Ilana treatment. Well, those Lost fans who don't have a hole in their hearts will feel me. You Henry haters can go sit in the mean queen corner and tell her how much you hate her little boy. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Neal realizes Henry wants to get rid of magic. Red: "So he's going to blow it up?" Neal: "Where would he even go to do that?" Recapper: Do you mean after he attends the Wile E. Coyote School of Failed Plans? We cut to the...
Woods. Henry finally makes it out to the magical wishing well. He takes the dynamite out of his backpack and lays it on the edge of the well. The writers continue to squander my time. Commercial.
Gregor Mendel calls Regina because of course he'd have her number of speed dial. The Contrivance Fairy curtseys and says, "You're welcome." Greg explains who he is, and tells Regina that Henry was all alone in the woods. He ran off and seemed a little upset. Already in her car, Regina takes off. We flash back to...
1983. With Regina riding shotgun, Graham drives off after the Flynns. He tries to force the SUV off the road and nearly causes an accident in downtown Storybrooke. When Graham turns down a side road, Kurt foolishly assumes they've lost Graham, but our cute, crafty, roofied Sheriff heads them off on the road out of Storybrooke and blocks it with his cruiser. Now, if I was driving a big SUV like that, I think I'd try to drive around Graham and not worry if I clipped the cruiser, but I probably watch a lot more fantasy TV than Kurt does, and I realize Graham can't leave town.
Kurt turns to Owen and tells him, "All right, listen to me. Run into the woods. Get as far away from here as you can, and call your uncle." On what -- a tree phone? Owen, who doesn't want to leave without his dad, clutches the leather lanyard Kurt gave him, so Kurt points to it and says, "There's a reason I gave you that; because as long as you have it, I'll always be with you. You can do this, so do it. Run. Go! Go! Run!" As Graham grabs Kurt out of the car, Owen takes off. Kurt yells to Regina, "You might have this whole town wrapped around my finger, but not my son. You can't force him to stay with you. Noticing Graham pushing Kurt up against the SUV, Owen stops and yells, "Dad!" Kurt shouts at him to run.
With her hands held out near her sides, Regina approaches Owen and says, "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you." Owen asks why she's doing this. Regina says, "I just want you to stay with me." When she leans down and places her hands on the boy's shoulders, he cringes, but Regina is too delusional to notice. "You said you liked it here. You want to stay here, don't you?" Owen's voice cracks as he answers, "Not like this." Regina says, "I'm sorry. I just wanted us to be happy." When she releases her grip on the boy, he runs over the town line and down the road.
Inside the back of the Sheriff's cruiser, Kurt whispers, "Run, Owen." Cut to Regina all ready to cry for herself, yet again, as she watches the boy flee. No, it makes no sense to me either, that they didn't let the father go. Let's just assume she's got him locked in a hospital basement cell. We flash forward to the...
Present. Woods. Wishing Well. Henry strikes a match and is about to light the dynamite wick, when Regina shows up and asks him what he's doing. He says, "I'm getting rid of magic. It's ruining everything. And you can't stop me." Regina points out that all he's going to do is get himself killed. Henry: "You're just saying that because you need magic so you can cast that curse on me." He strikes another match, so Regina poofs away the dynamite in another puff of purple smoke, then says, "I can't lose you, Henry." Henry says, "Then don't cast the curse. Don't kill Mary Margaret." Regina insists Mary has to pay for what she's done, so Henry adds, "The curse -- it won't make me love you for real. It will be fake." Regina says, "But it will be something. I know it's hard for you to understand right now, but you'll see. We can be happy. We can have everything." Henry shakes his head and echoes Owen's words: "Not like this."
Emma, Neal and Charming finally arrive on the scene. Emma shouts, "Hey, Regina, get away from my son." Regina turns and says, "He's not yours. He's mine." The Charmings tell her that won't happen. Neal the eel just stands around looking like the tool that he is. I cannot wait until Henry finds out what Neal did to Emma. I'd like some of his righteous indignation aimed at a sensible target.
Emma says, "If you want to kill Mary Margaret, you'll have to go through us." That sounds like a plan to Regina, so she conjures up a fireball. Charming rushes toward her and draws his gun. Emma backs him up. Neal continues to be a tool, until Henry gets in the middle and tells everyone to stop, and then he just gets in the way as he yells at the boy to get out of the way. Henry says he won't stop until someone helps him destroy magic. Regina says there's no way to get rid of it. "You can't just blow it up." Emma adds, "Magic isn't the problem, kid. It's her. Henry says, "It's not just her. It's everyone. Look what magic did to Mary Margaret." He turns to Regina. "Look what it did to you. It's ruining everything." Preach it, my brother. "It makes good people do terrible things." Emma leans toward him and adds, "And bad people." When she reaches out to Henry, he turns back to Regina and pleads, "It's going to destroy my family. Help me get rid of it." She extinguishes her fireball. Henry thanks her and runs into Emma's arms. The family leads their boy away, leaving Regina forever alone. Commercial.
1983. Road. Owen leads two Maine State Troopers to the spot where he last saw his dad. The cops must be near the end of their shift because they can't even be bothered to drive further down the road and look around. They just say, "There's nothing here, kid." Owen insists that Storybrooke was right by the nearby rock. One of the troopers says there's no town named Storybrooke in the entire state. Owen says, "You don't believe me?" The trooper takes his arms and tells he's been through a lot. Owen runs a few feet away and raises his arm. Clutching the lanyard tightly, the boys shakes his fist, and yells off into the nothingness. "I'll find you, Dad. I promise. I'll never stop looking."
As the camera crosses the town line, we can see what Owen and the troopers cannot. Regina is standing on the other side of the line. The "Leaving Storybrooke" sign is only visible from her side. Watching Owen, she starts to reach out to him. Her fingers brush up against the magical barrier between them. Back on the other side, the troopers try to comfort the boy as they lead him back to their cruiser. Once again, Regina cries, but I feel only contempt, not pity. We flash forward to the...
Present. Snow's Hovel. Gold tells Snow that David called and said Henry convinced Regina to destroy the curse. Finally, Snow speaks. She asks Gold how he lives with himself, knowing all the bad things he's done. Gold says, "Well, you tell yourself you did the right thing. If you say it often enough, one day you might actually believe it." He leaves Mary to stare out her window. I hope she spots all the bird droppings on the outside sill and washes them off, because that's just yucky. We cut to...
Mills Manse. There's a knock at the door. Regina opens it to find Snow White asking her to kill her. Regina scoffs, so with a tear rolling down her cheek, Snow says, "Regina, we have been fighting for so long. It's cost us so much. It has to end before anyone else dies. So... please, just do it." Regina shakes her head. "Henry would never forgive me." After a beat, she adds, "But do you know what my problem is? I never learn from my mistakes." At that, she thrusts her hand into Snow's chest and grabs hold of her heart. Snow groans as Regina pulls it out. It glows candy apple red, but when Regina observes it more closely, she notices a black spot growing in the center, and shows it to Snow, who asks what Regina did to it. Regina says, "Oh, I didn't do that. You did it. You darkened yourself." Snow cries, "No, no," but Regina says, "Yes. And once you blacken your heart, it only grows darker and darker. Trust me, I know." Snow begs her nemesis to crush her heart and get it over with. Regina says, "And put you out of your misery? I don't need to destroy you. You're doing it to yourself, and along the way, you'll break down that perfect little family you fought so hard to reunite. And then Henry will be mine." With a relieved smile, and tears rolling down her cheeks, Regina says, "You see? I can have everything, thanks to you." She shoves the tainted heart back in Snow's chest and says, "Now get off my porch." She leaves Snow there gasping in pain.
Greg is out on the street, hiding behind the neighbor's shrubs. He has recorded the entire incident on his phone. He rushes to his car and goes to start it up, but then pauses to look at the aged brown leather lanyard that serves as his keychain. "I'll find you, Dad. I promise." At that, he starts up the car, and we fade to black.
I have more to say, but it's deadline time, and I think I at least touched upon most of my concerns in the recaplet. I just wish we were getting some emotional scenes between the four Charming family members and between Emma and Neal. Adding a new person in at this point -- well, I understand the need for it plot-wise, but I'm frustrated because the main reason I watch this show is for its heart, and if it's not yet turning black, it's certainly being kept in a box. I will be back with coverage of "Selfless, Brave, and True." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we are trying to reassemble Graham's crushed heart, and my own.