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I don't just have birthday issues, I have a lifetime subscription. Apparently I share both with the Fairest of Them All. "The Queen Is Dead," which features Snow White's birthday and all the joy pain associated with it, airs on my late father's birthday. This recaplet will be published the day after -- on my birthday. Dad was a twin, so the three of us always celebrated our birthdays together. My uncle died first and too young. With his passing, our birthdays became bittersweet. Four years after my uncle passed, Dad's father died on his twin sons' birthday. As Grampy lay dying, I prayed that he would hold out until my birthday in hopes that Dad's birthday wouldn't be quite so lonely for him, but it wasn't to be and now that I'm older, I know it wouldn't have made a difference.
Dad has been gone 10 years now -- 10 years and 26 days. As the anniversary of his death approaches, I take a deep breath and hold it for a month or so until the birthdays have passed. My father's birthday also happens to be my mother-in-law's birthday and I have three kids, so I don't exactly have the option of going to bed for a few days and telling the world to screw (which would be my ideal way to "celebrate"). As I was sitting down to watch "The Queen Is Dead," I was looking for a little escape. I must have met an impostor Blue Fairy out in the yard. Isn't that always the way? Seeing as I just remembered that this isn't my diary, let's get to the episode, shall we?
In the Enchanted Past, young Snow (the impossibly perfect Bailee Madison) and her beautiful mother Queen Eva (Rena Sofer) prepare for their kingdom's celebration of the young princesses's birthday. When Snow gets a little too high and mighty with their servant, Johanna (Lesley Nicol), Eva is firm, yet gentle as she corrects her daughter.
After Queen Eva falls ill, Johanna tells Snow to appeal to the Queen's friend, the Blue Fairy. Before Snow even figures out which star to wish on, the Blue Fairy appears. She claims fairy magic cannot save the Queen, but dark magic can. Swearing the young girl to secrecy, she presents her with an enchanted candle. If Snow burns it for her mother, it will save her life, but only at the expense of another life. Snow may be young, but her heart is true. Knowing how much stock Eva has put in raising her daughter to be good, Snow refuses to sacrifice a life to save her mother. When Snow tells her dying mother the whole tale, Eva commends her daughter's strength. "We all reach a moment in our lives when we are not meant to get better." Shut up, Dead Mommy! I've learned that lesson over and over again.
After the Queen's funeral, Blue appears, but she isn't truly Blue at all. After morphing into Cora, she crows over the corpse of Her Royal Deadness. During the maniacal monologue, the Mother of All Evil even manages to reveal that she is -- as we've long expected -- the Miller's Daughter. Given the pleasure Cora takes at Eva's death and her plans to darken Snow White's soul, I suspect this is not the last time we'll see the lovely and talented Rena Sofer.
Manhattan. Present. Hook finds Rumpy and Emma in the lobby of Neal's building. He knocks down Emma and stabs Gold with his Hook, which he retrieved from the Sheriff's Office after knocking out David. The hook injected some nefarious poison into Gold. He will die unless the gang gets him back to Storybrooke. Luckily, Neal knows how to sail Hook's ship. Suffice it to say that this world wasn't his first stop when he left L'enchantement.
Neal calls someone and asks to use a car so that he can drive the ailing Gold to Hook's ship. Being a lying liar who lies, Emma has already been disqualified from the Mother of the Year Awards, so she leaves Henry with Gold and heads out with Neal to pick up the car. Just as Neal is about to tell Emma something he neglected to mention before, they meet up with the fetching Tamara (Sonequa Martin-Green), whom Neal introduces as his fiancée. The flash of pain in Jennifer Morrison's eyes is priceless.
Meanwhile, back in Storybrooke, it's Snow's birthday, but she'd really rather ignore it, thank you very much. David tries to sneak in some happiness, but Snow is not in the mood. She's particularly perturbed when she sees a gift she assumes is from him. When she opens it, she sees it is the heirloom tiara Eva gave her right before falling ill. The accompanying note is from Johanna.
While David is getting his lights knocked out by Hook, Snow sets out to find Johanna (does anyone else keep thinking of Strega's friend). After their touching reunion, Snow overhears Regina and Cora in the nearby woods. As is the wont of fictional villains, the Gruesome Twosome conveniently discuss enough of the Dark One Dagger Caper so that Snow knows what's going on.
Snow meets with Regina and in one of the best scenes of the night, tries to talk her into leaving Team Evil, but it is of no use. Later, Snow texts Emma, fills her in and asks her to get Gold to tell her the dagger's location, so they can keep it secret. It seems (thank goodness!) that the treasure map was just a red herring.
It seems Gold hid the dagger behind one of the hands on the library clock tower. Just as Charming and Snow retrieve it, Cora and Regina appear. When Snow won't hand over the dagger, Cora magics up Johanna as a hostage. When Snow again refuses to give Cora the dagger, Regina rips out Johanna's heart and begins to apply pressure. Even though she is in pain, Johanna begs Snow not to give in to Evil's demands, but Snow knows the right choice, in that moment, is to save Johanna's life. This and my ensuing conversation with my oldest son (which I'll probably mention in the recap, because I think I failed to teach him something) bring me right back to my discussion of choosing good over evil and how sometimes even when you've done the right thing, bad things happen anyhow.
When Cora demands that Snow surrender the dagger, she taunts her about following her mother's example at all costs. "All she ever wanted was for you to be good." Upon hearing that, Snow realizes that years ago, it wasn't Blue who gave her the dark magic candle and that Cora was behind Eva's death. Even Regina is startled at this revelation and Cora's admission that she did it all to make her daughter the queen, but Regina bounces back quickly. She tightens her grip on Johanna's heart and demands the dagger. After some back and forth with Cora, Snow throws down the dagger and falls to her knees. When Cora snatches it up, Regina restores Johanna's heart. But do we all live happily ever after? No. Because then Cora, the Mother of All Evil, defenestrates Johanna, which is horrible, but it does give me the chance to use defenestrate. Happy birthday, to me.
Back at her office, Regina wonders why Cora never told her about her history with Eva. Regina realizes that rescuing Snow White, Once Upon A Time was no accident, but all part of mother's machinations. She wonders why, since Cora won, she still wants the dagger. She points out that they can no longer use it to make Gold kill off the Charmings and reclaim Henry, without the boy finding out they were behind it all. Cora deflects the question and advises Regina to have patience. "By the time Rumpelstiltskin returns, Emma Swan and the rest of them will be nothing more than a vaguely unpleasant memory and Henry will be yours."
After burying Johanna in a hastily dug grave, Charming tries to comfort Snow, but she's losing heart. Charming, whom many paint as a dim bulb, already understands the game: Cora wants Snow to lose faith in who she is (i.e. someone who does the right thing). Snow recalls all the right decisions she has made and how still, harm has followed. When Charming reminds her that they keep beating Team Evil, Snow wonders, "At what cost?" She claims she no longer cares about justice. "We keep thinking that people will change. What if that's wrong? What if I'm the one who has to change?" Charming is taken aback at this and asks, "Change, how?" Staring off, Snow says, "I'm going to kill Cora." Dun dun dun!
This is another strong episode from our sophomore series. Aside from the improbabilities of Hook finding Gold and Emma leaving Henry alone with Gold, I can't remember rolling my eyes too much. Gold's hostility toward Henry, Emma's slight softening toward Neal and Henry's residual bitterness are pitch perfect, character-driven moments. Again, the scene between Snow and Regina at Granny's is a sight to behold. Watching Rena Sofer play Snow's mother furthers my suspicion that someone in Casting practices the dark arts. Be careful, dearies. Magic always comes with a price.I will be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're blowing out the candles, just to be safe.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!In "The Queen Is Dead," Snow White joins my Very Buffy Summers Birthday Club (see recaplet for membership requirements). Since my birthday is over and my month of wallowing in self-pity is complete, let's go on with our show.
Previously on Once Upon A Time, Hook wants to find Rumpelstiltskin in the outside world, where magic isn't an issue, but Regina and Cora talk him into searching for the dagger. In Manhattan, Emma catches Baelfire for Gold. Her only thanks is the gut punch of realizing that Rumpelfrickingstiltskin's son is her baby daddy. Neal orders Gold out of his apartment. Gold and Henry learn that Neal is Henry's father. In the Enchanted Past, the dying Seer tells Rumpelstiltskin that a young boy will lead him to Bae. When she says "The boy will be your undoing," Rumpy says he'll just have to kill him. And now on Once Upon A Time...
In the Enchanted Past, we open on a shot of Snow Drops. The lovely and talented Bailee Madison again takes the reins -- and as a princess. I suppose she expects to reign one day, which I just mention because they are different words, people. They have different meanings and spellings, and yes, I've just doomed myself to make some ridiculous error(s) that neither Editorial nor I will see, but hell's bells, people! I saw someone use irregardless in the forum, and no, as far as I can tell, that person hasn't been banned, because TWoP Tennison is a benevolent dictator... oh crap, where was I? Ahem. I'll start fresh.
The lovely and talented Bailee Madison takes the reins as wee Snow White. Yes, this week's flashbacks are set prior to "The Stable Boy" and "We Are Both," yet as a living, breathing, human child, Ms. Madison has grown and aged. Deal with it, Gentle Readers.
No. Seriously. Deal. I cover The Vampire Diaries -- the premise of which requires me to accept not only that Paul Wesley's character, Stefan, was vamped at age 17 and Ian Somerhalder's character, Damon, was vamped around age 21, but also that neither Stefan nor Damon have aged a day since turning. Now, Wesley and Somerhalder are ridiculously easy on the eyes, but as thirtysomethings, neither man looks his character's physical "age." In comparison, ignoring the changes in Bailee is child's play. Just stare at her extremely pink gown. Now, wait 'til her mother comes into view wearing a sparkly red number that on its own is fine, but saying it clashes with Snow's gown doesn't begin to describe the visual assault. I'm sorry I had to shock some sense into you, Gentle Readers, but desperate times and all that.
Note to the Costume Department: I love pink but I hate that pink. Still, I realize that's a matter of personal taste, so I'll let it go. While I'm not big on being all matchy-matchy, some level of color coordination -- one which manages not to nauseate me -- would be appreciated. You costumers are often the show's unsung stars. Since you were dressing Rena Sofer in that deep red, tonight's outing was not the best time to switch it up from Snow's trademark white. And if there's a characterization issue in play -- if Snow hasn't yet chosen her signature color -- perhaps a navy blue would have been a better choice. Love and kisses, Me.
Note to Kitsis and Horowitz: Please don't give us an episode full of flashbacks explaining why Snow White often chooses to wear white. We get it. I swear.
Note to Self: You've already twice doomed yourself in this recap and you haven't even covered the first scene. Get to work, idiot.
Queen Eva (Rena Sofer, who serves as further proof that Casting is practicing the Dark Arts, particularly when it comes to Snow White) is giving the staff instructions for wee Snow's birthday ball, when the young princess presents herself for her mother's inspection. Being the Anti-Cora, Eva ignores Snow's obnoxious pink gown and focuses on the girl inside: "You are an absolute vision..."
When Snow and Eva enter Eva's chamber, they catch their servant Johanna (Downton Abbey's Lesley Nicol) trying on an heirloom tiara. Startled and embarrassed, Johanna tries to stammer out an apology, but she's interrupted by Snow, who is all, "Servants don't wear crowns," and other age-appropriate snittery (is too a word). Quick as you please, Eva puts the kibosh on that. "I thought I raised you better than that, Snow. It doesn't matter whether one is a servant or royalty. Everyone in the kingdom deserves our love and respect." Snow: "But she took my tiara!" Eva: "She apologized. And it isn't yours, yet." When Johanna tries to intervene on Snow's behalf, Eva praises the woman's kindness, but reminds her that Snow must learn. Amen to that, sister.
Sidebar. I've read a lot of criticism of this scene -- that certainly by wee Snow's age, she would have already learned this lesson. As a parent of three adolescents, I beg to differ. All three of my kids were practically perfect until they were about this age. This is exactly when that royal attitude exerts itself (even among peasants). Squelch it, Eva. Squelch it dead!
Since the Palace is hosting a big ball on Snow's birthday, she's laboring under the assumption that it's to honor her, but Eva sets the child straight. "No. It's for you to honor them, by showing them you will be a kind and benevolent leader when that time comes." Taking the tiara, Eva says, "When you are crowned with this, on your birthday, it will be a symbol that you will always hold goodness in your heart, and rule justly. Now do you understand?" Snow, to her credit, does.
Appropriately chagrinned, Snow takes the tiara from her mother, gives Johanna a sheepish look then stands before the mirror. When she says the tiara is beautiful, Eva cautions, "And it's heavier than it looks." Before Snow can even try on the tiara, Eva gasps and doubles over. Johanna catches her. When Eva insists she fine, Johanna pshaws that and seats the Queen in a handy chair, then heads off to get the doctor. We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Mary Margaret's Hovel. Lost in thought and surely memories, Snow is looking at herself in the mirror when she notices that David is cooking pancakes. She reminds him they had a deal. The thing is, girlfriend doesn't like her birthday, and I feel her. Spying a present on the table, Snow again gives David the stink eye, but he insists it isn't from him. He found it on the doorstep that morning. When Snow opens the gift before opening the accompanying card, I expect a flashback to the Enchanted Forest, in which Queen Eva rolls over in her grave, and am...gravely disappointed.
Anyhow, Snow's tiara is in the box. When her Royal Rudeness finally gets around to opening the card, she sees it is from Johanna. They didn't realize she'd been brought over. David offers some lame exposition about why they're just now figuring out that Johanna is in Storybrooke, but it's not worth our time. Snow tells David she has to go. He grabs her arms and wishes her a happy birthday. Kissing him, Snow thanks him for understanding and reminds him that he has to get to work. David wishes this day made her happier. Snow says, "I know, but we both know it can't." Okay, I was determined to leave all my birthday issues in the recaplet, but allow me this small...
Sidebar. Look, when someone has painful events associated with his or her birthday -- particularly big ones like death -- the memories are not going to fade away just because it's a birthday. If you're old enough to read this, I imagine you've probably lost at least one person close to you, so you know this. We can't help but mark the anniversaries of deaths. We can't. The death of a close loved one is bigger to most of us than our own birthdays. It just is. I know David is happy Snow was born. Heck, Snow is probably usually happy she was born -- despite all her hardships -- but she is going to be sad on this day. People who insist that those of us in the Very Buffy Birthday Club be capital-H Happy on our birthdays sometimes stress us out and leave us feeling guilty and unappreciative. We need your love and appreciate your thoughtfulness, but please understand we're still hurting, and that's not your fault. I think David strikes the perfect tone in the last scene. If I could sit down with Snow at Club 33, I'd tell her to let her family get her a little gift and make her a little breakfast or a cake, have a nice dinner with them, and then I'd tell them to let her cry or remember when she needs to, and not to lay a lot of happiness expectations on her. I mention this because I'm feeling relieved on Snow's behalf that Emma and Henry are out of town for the first birthday she's endured since her memories were restored.
Sheriff's Office. As David is hanging up his coat, Hook pops out of nowhere and whacks our Charming princely pauper right in what many fans would argue is his weak spot: his head. Once David is out cold, Hook grabs his keys, unlocks the desk drawer and retrieves his hook. No fussy evidence lockers in Storybrooke, no siree. We cut to...
Johanna's yard. When Snow finds Johanna in the garden, the older woman whispers, "Snow!" The Fairest unnecessarily corrects her. "It's Mary Margaret here," which makes Johanna's "You'll always be my dear Snow" even more predictable. The tearful women embrace. When talk turns to the tiara, Johanna explains that she saw it in Gold's shop and knew how much it meant to her. That's pretty darned sweet considering the kid was such a twit about it, Once Upon A Time.
Noticing Snow Drops blooming in a raised bed, Snow mentions she hasn't seen them in a long time. Johanna says, "They remind me of you because they can survive the harshest winter and you were born in the harshest one of all." As a tear rolls down her cheek, the Fairest says, "That's why she named me Snow." Johanna nods. She keeps the garden to honor Eva. Snow approves. As the women clasp hands, Johanna admits that she misses Eva, too. Their reunion is interrupted when they hear a noise in the adjacent forest. Excusing herself, Snow heads off to investigate.
A little way into the woods, Snow spies Cora and Regina discussing the map, their excavation site and the Dark One's Kris dagger. And although until this point Cora and Regina (once she huffed the grimoire) have shown no difficulty adapting to the ways in which magic differs in Storybrooke, these two ladies are manually digging up the site. Well, Cora is supervising. Regina is doing the dirty work, which is why she's wearing those digging shorts. Yes, digging shorts. Based on her admittedly kicky boots, I think we're to assume she's wearing a mini under her coat, but unless I'm seeing things, Regina is wearing digging shorts. If she was still even in the neighborhood of the Redemption Road, I'd assume this is some well-deserved penance but since Evil is looking for the dagger so that she and the Mother of All... can control the Dark One and make him kill off the Charmings, that can't be it. Regina, I hate to go all Fug Girls (I love them, but when I go to their well, I feel derivative, even for me) but LOOK INTO PANTS! If I ever again see you in digging shorts, I'm going to start calling you Reggie.
When the Evil Regals have no luck finding the dagger, they wonder if Hook lied to them about the dagger's location. I'm surprised they don't suspect that Gold planted that decoy map. I certainly hope he did because it would excuse him for that whole map Dewey-Decimal hiding spot nonsense. Because she's a fictional villain, Cora can't help but restate their entire evil plan. She insists she'll find the dagger, and once she does, they can use the dagger to force Gold to kill anyone Regina wants dead. Contrivance Fairy: "Did you see me flitting above Snow's head, waiting for my thank you that never came? I really thought Eva raised her better than that." Hey, I hear ya, CF, but you shouldn't be surprised. She opens gifts before cards. "Well, I never!" Oh you so would, if the script called for it. "It's my gift."
Snow arrives at the Sheriff's Office to find David unconscious. I love how on TV, when someone is unconscious, all it takes is someone to call out their name and they immediately wake up. It's like magic. I mean, if Snow didn't show up for another five hours, would David still be lying there in a puddle of his own drool? David tells Snow that Hook knocked him out. When he sees the still open desk drawer, he quickly figures the pirate was retrieving his hook and is after Mr. Gold. Snow interrupts him because they have bigger problems since Regina is working with Cora to get the Dark One's dagger. David and Snow share the Exposition Fairy's wand: the dagger controls Rumpy. With it, Cora can either force Rumpy to do her bidding or become the Dark One herself. David suggests calling Emma so she can alert Gold to the Evil Regals' quest, but Snow already sent a text. She says they have to bide time until Emma and Gold either call them back or return. Snow knows Regina doesn't trust Cora, so she decides to work on her. Commercial.
Manhattan. Day. Since Charming was making Snow pancakes back in Storybrooke, I guess we're to assume that Henry, Emma and Gold stayed the night somewhere in the Big Apple. I can't imagine Emma willingly stayed at Neal's, but she can't make all that much as Storybrooke Sheriff, so I sure hope Gold is footing the bill. Neal and Henry bond as they lead the group through the city streets. Henry already knows New York's reputation for pizza and assumes his dad is going to be a typical New York Pizza Snob. Despite Neal's joke that the best pizza ever is in the Kingdom of Damarian, on the North Shore of the Dragon Fields of Zorn, the boy's not wrong. Neal leads him to a place called Arco Di Trionfo for a slice. I know triumph arches are a Roman thing, but I so strongly associate this restaurant's name with Paris's Arc de Triomphe that I waste ten minutes trying to decide if this is some sort of clue. I hate so much about what I choose to be.
While Neal and Henry head inside for a slice, Gold and Emma hang back and commiserate about how they're not welcome. Gold says, "It's a sad truth that the people closest to us are the ones capable of causing us the most pain. That's our common ground, Miss Swan." Emma is still in self-recrimination mode and knows her lying caught up with her. Gold tells her to give it time and Henry will forgive her. When Emma wonders if he's projecting his own hopes, Gold admits he needs Emma to speak to Neal for him. He wants her to convince his son to return to Storybrooke. Emma's already paid up her favor, but Gold tells her she'll do it for Henry. If the kid took off for Boston to find her, what's to stop him from hopping a bus for New York to be with Neal. Emma figures that even if Henry does that, Neal will eventually let him down and the kid will learn that Emma lied to protect him.
Gold may not have his dagger with him, but that doesn't keep him from twisting the knife. "Someone's beginning to sound a lot like Regina. I think the real reason you lied was to protect yourself [...] from getting hurt again. [...] You want a second chance with that man." Hold the phone! She'd better not, at least not unless and until Neal makes some deadly serious amends. Emma is with me, I hope. Shut up. I'm pretending she's with me because she asks, "What makes you think that?" Gold's smile is wry. "The look on your face." Punch him, Emma. Punch him in the kisser! She doesn't listen. Instead, she starts to tell him he has no idea what he's talking about, but when Gold starts backing up, she catches on that Neal and Henry must be exiting the shop and stops. Neal wants to know what they're talking about, but Henry, bless his heart, saves her from having to answer and says, "Emma, Neal wanted to show me the museum. Do you think we can go back to the apartment and get my camera?" Emma says that's fine and asks her boy if he likes New York Pizza. Henry says, "Yeah. It's delicious, cheesy and doesn't lie." Oh, Emma, I am biting my lip and feeling your pain. You know, Bill Clinton moved most of his Foundation offices from Harlem to the Financial District. Maybe you could pop in there, while the Traitor takes your son to the museum, and he can teach you how to convince Henry to forgive you. We cut to...
Storybrooke. Granny's Diner. Regina joins Snow at a booth and asks about Henry. Snow assures her the boy is fine, but admits she hasn't actually talked to him. Her real reason for meeting with Regina is to tell her she knows she's working with Cora and looking for the dagger. Regina is all MYOB, but Snow tells her war is on the horizon. When Regina allows that much is true, Snow says Regina has earned enough good will (how -- I have no clue), so she is giving her one last chance to choose the right side -- the side of good. Regina says, "Have you ever considered that maybe, perhaps, I am good?" Oh honey, that's your rejoinder? You had her father killed, sent her on the run and then once she finally regained her rightful place, married her true love and started a family, you cursed your entire land, brought them to Maine and made them forget their identities for 28 years.
In the episode thread, I believe Crimson Belle put it best when she posted: "It isn't redemption to go up, slap somebody across the face 5 or 6 times and then say, 'I forgive me. And I didn't slap you for the last two seconds, though I don't regret slapping you, but because I didn't slap you in just this moment, I'm redeemed. And because I've decided I'm redeemed, something is wrong with you for not agreeing with me and treating me like we're best buds'. Except to Regina, it apparently is."
Ignoring Crimson Belle and me, Regina continues: "I was always the Queen. It was you who added Evil to my name." There must be some dark magic empowering her denial, yes? Snow, being the Fairest, takes a kinder approach than I would. "Good doesn't do what you do. Why? Regina, why go back to being this way after how hard you tried?" Regina: "What did it get me -- dinner with a bunch of hypocrites who pretend they'll forgive me, when in their hearts, they know they never will. You're giving me a chance? How about I give you one? Stay out of my way." When Regina rises to leave, Snow tells her that listening to Cora is a mistake. "She doesn't care about Henry. All she wants is power [...] She doesn't care about you." Regina sneers. "Really? And what would you know about mothers?" Talk about low blows. We flash back to the...
Enchanted Past. Palace. The doctor doesn't know what is wrong with Eva. While he tries to calm Snow, once he has Johanna's ear, he advises her to call for the King, immediately. Meanwhile, Snow takes her place at her mother's bedside and says they'll postpone the ball and turn it into a celebration once Eva is well. The Queen says they can't cancel Snow's birthday and is sure she'll be fine by then. How far out is this shindig? Leopold isn't around. The tables are already being set. Snow is wearing her gown, and yet Eva thinks she'll be better by whenever it is? It's confusing is what I'm saying. Anyhow Eva can't wait to see Snow in the tiara, but Snow doesn't care about her birthday. She only cares about her mother. It's then that Eva is struck by a coughing fit. Johanna leads Snow from the Queen's bedside. When the doctor approaches his patient, we can see that she is coughing up blood.
In the hallway, when Snow frets that her mother may die, Johanna takes the girl in her arms and offers what comfort and hope she can, but Eva didn't raise any fools. Since they doctor doesn't even know what's wrong, it's a little hard to believe he'll save the day. Bailee's tears break my heart in this scene, but right now, I'm tired of having a broken heart, so I'm not dwelling on her performance. Finally, Johanna confides in Snow that magic might be able to save the day. "Your mother has a confidant -- someone few know about -- someone schooled with the most powerful of magic. I'm not really even supposed to know of this...." When Snow pleads with her, Johanna says, "There is a benevolent fairy who can grant a person's wish, if their heart is true." Nodding, Snow swears that hers is. "Where do I find this fairy?" Johanna says, "Tonight, go into the woods where the sky is clearest. Wish upon the blue star and she will appear to you." We cut to...
Manhattan. This time, Gold and Henry lead the way, while Emma and Neal trail behind. Henry looks up at his newest grandparent and asks, "So, should I call you grandpa, now?" Gold's voice is flat. His face is stony. "Call me whatever you'd like." We cut to Neal and Emma. When he comments on what a good kid Henry is, Emma agrees, but she doesn't engage him in conversation, so Neal points out that he's trying his hardest. If that's true, Neal, then perhaps you should tell the kid how you set up his mother to go to fricking prison for your crimes. Perhaps then he'll understand a little better why she lied to him. At any rate, Emma mentions that they'll have to go back to Storybrooke. If Neal wants to get to know Henry better, then perhaps he should accompany them. When Neal doesn't immediately glom onto that idea, Emma says, "I've seen your apartment. It's not like you've got a lot going on, here." Neal says that looks can be deceiving and there's something he's been meaning to tell her, but they're interrupted by Henry.
Gold holds open the door to Neal's building as his insta-family enters. Inside, Neal and Henry run up to the flat to get the boy's camera. Emma and Gold remain in the lobby, so she informs him that Neal says leaving New York is complicated. Gold is disappointed, so Emma suggests that maybe Neal needs some time, but before the conversation can continue, Hook bursts in, throws Emma down, and using his trusty hook, he stabs Gold in the chest. As his victim slumps to the ground, Hook says, "Tick. Tock. Time's up, crocodile." How did he know a commercial was coming?
After the break, Hook is still crowing over Gold. "You took Milah. My love. My happiness. And for that, I now take your life." Before he can get his hook into Gold again, Emma rises and smashes Hook over the head. She rushes to Gold's side. Neal runs down and asks what the hell is going on. When Emma explains, Neal recognizes Hook on sight. Emma: "You know him?" Neal touches Gold's wound. Looking at the blood on his hand, he says, "Papa?" We cut to...
Neal's Flat. As Neal settles Gold down on his couch, Emma takes the Exposition Fairy's wand and says she locked up Hook in a storage room. Showing the guys a map, she says it looks like Hook sailed his ship to town. Speaking for all of us, Neal asks, "How did he get a pirate ship into New York?" Emma answers, "It's cloaked," and then tries to reassure Henry. When Emma and Neal hustle off to do whatever, Henry goes to his new grandpa's side. "Mr. Gold, are you all right." Gold sits up as best he can and is too rough as he grabs Henry by the shirt. "You stay away from me. You caused this. You brought us back here. You did this." Emma enters just as Gold shoves the kid away. She gives him her phone, tells him the batter is dead and asks him to look for charger in the other room, because Jared Gilmore's work hours are limited.
Neal examines Gold's wound and says they have to get him to an E.R. ASAP. I wish I could write the rest of the recap in abbreviations, but alas. Gold says medicine will be of no use, because Hook's hook was coated in a poison of Hook's own making, so there's no antidote in this world. He needs to get back to Storybrooke, where there's magic. Neal offers to get a car, but Gold says they need something faster -- Hook's ship. Great, just go down to the harbor and look for the gulls that are perched on apparently nothing. You should find it right away, assuming a million other crafts haven't slammed into the invisible behemoth. Emma's still adjusting to her true identity and all the crazy surrounding it, so she's a little shocked she'll be sailing on the Jolly Roger, but Rumpy doesn't have time for that, so he grabs the Contrivance Fairy's wand and explains that it's the fastest vessel in all the realms. And what luck, Neal knows how to sail it. Emma's all, "You know how to sail a pirate ship?" Neal: "Yeah, I do." Oh, well that muds that right up.
Sidebar: Look, I know it's my job to laugh at all the improbabilities here -- that Hook sailed to Manhattan in record time, knew where to find Gold, blah blee bloo. I don't care. I complain and poke fun when I'm in the mood, but seeing how I've already fully bought into Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook being mortal enemies, I can make do with the slim explanations offered within the story. These characters are from another world with other rules and have other abilities than our own. Hook said his ship was made of enchanted wood. I don't need this to make ordinary sense. I respect you too much to fake up ire, when I'm currently ire-free. And to be perfectly truthful, I'm grateful to the writers for not bogging me down in mundane detail in some attempt to make these fantastical events make sense. There's no way it would be fun to recap.
Storybrooke. David and Snow drive to the convent to seek Blue's help. Yes, Snow calls her "Mother Superior," but c'mon, Show and Snow. Call her Blue. I'm sorry. I still don't like it when Enchanted intimates are more comfortable using the Storybrooke names. That's my problem, I know. I'm hardly consistent these days, but I like to think I'm at least consistently inconsistent, or would that be inconsistently consistent. Whatever. Blue's magic is pretty impotent in Storybrooke, but she has sensed a disturbance in the force, that is, she knows a lot of dark magic has been expelled. They fill them in on Cora and Regina's search for the dagger, then Snow says, "Please, Mother Superior. You're our only hope." If this show brings in Star Wars characters, please look for the remains of my brains on my office window. We cut to the...
Enchanted Past. While Snow is still puzzling out which star to wish on, "Blue" appears, but I don't feel like pretending we don't already know she's Cora, magicked up to look like Blue. Snow is surprised to see Clue, if you will. Clue says she knows when she's needed and why. Clue claims fairy magic cannot save the Queen, but dark magic can. Swearing the young girl to secrecy, Clue poofs up enchanted candle. If Snow burns it for her mother, it will save her life, but all magic comes with a price, dearies. Clue says in order for Eva to live, someone must die in her place. Snow must hold the candle over the heart of the sacrifice of her choosing and whisper the person's name. When the candle is lit, the victim's life will be traded for Eva's. While Snow may be young, her heart is true. Knowing how much stock Eva has put in raising her daughter to be good, the tearful Snow refuses to sacrifice a life to save her mother. Clue says, "Well, then I'm afraid she will die." Commercial.
Manhattan. I really wish I had telescoped these Manhattan scenes. Neal texts someone in hopes of borrowing a car to get his father to his ship. When Emma asks him about knowing Hook, Neal says, "It's a long story. Short version? This world wasn't my first stop when I left home. [...] If it was, I'd be a couple of hundred years old by now." Poor Emma's eyerolling is interrupted by Henry who tells her she's gotten a must-read text from David and Mary Margaret. After Emma reads it, she turns to Gold and tells him the bad news that Cora is after his dagger. He may be dying from fictional poison, but that doesn't mean Rumpy has lost his swagger. He's all, "Let Cora try." Emma tries to persuade him to tell her the location of the dagger so Snow and Charming can hide it. Gold: "That dagger hasn't left my possession for centuries. It's not about to now." Emma sits to him and reminds him he's dying, so right now, they're his best hope. It's time for him to start trusting someone. "If I were you, I'd start with family."
Some fans are cringing at the idea of a guy a couple of hundred years old hooking up with 17-year-old Emma. I can't waste time on that. If/since Nealfire spent time in Neverland, he wouldn't have aged, but he also wouldn't have matured. You don't grow up in Neverland. You don't grow at all. No I don't know why Baelfire was transported to Neverland, when the Blue Fairy told him the bean would take him to a world without magic. I'm sure the show will explain that in time, so I'm not going to pick on a story I haven't yet been told. It could simply come down to the fact that Rumpy let go of Bae which would make him a Lost Boy. Lost Boys are whisked off to Neverland. Sheesh, people. Crack a book. In one sense, I am hoping Bae isn't Peter Pan, but the cast is already so big, I think I'll get over it if he is. Reviewing that "Lost Boys" Wikipedia entry I linked to, I think I'd like Bae to be Tootles, although given his past (as Neal) with Emma, it might be satisfying if he turns out to be Slightly Soiled.
Storybrooke. Using her wand, Blue tries to gain entry to Gold's shop, but he has cast a protection spell, and her fairy dust fueled good magic is no match for it. Snow wants Blue to use Dark Magic to get into the shop, because she figures Blue has dabbled in it, before. When she drops veiled hints about their meeting Once Upon A Time, Blue is, of course, clueless, because Blue isn't Clue. It's okay though, because David gets a call from Emma, who says Gold told her where the dagger is. As Charming looks up at the library clock tower, we cut to the...
Enchanted Past. Crying, Snow rushes to her mother's room and confesses she's done an awful thing. "I went to the Blue Fairy and begged her to help -- to save you with magic -- but what she gave me.... It was dark magic -- a candle that could restore your life by taking away someone else's. It was the only way. But I couldn't do it." Eva closes her eyes and heaves a sigh of relief, even while Snow continues to apologize for being too afraid. Eva tells her, "That wasn't fear. That was strength -- strength to resist darkness. I am so proud of you." When Snow says, "But you won't get better," Eva says, "We all reach a moment in our lives where we are not meant to get better. And with or without me, someday, you will be a great queen." Snow smiles through her tears as she begs her mother not to leave her. Eva: "As long as you hold the spirit of goodness in your heart, I will never leave you." And then she dies. As the girl sobs, Johanna takes her in her arms. We cut to...
Storybrooke. Clock Tower. David finds the dagger attached to the back of one of the clock hands. Before they can even enjoy the moment, Cora and Regina appear. Ignoring the fact that Cora is clearly in taunting mode, Snow turns to Regina. "I told you to pick your side, carefully. Good has won, just as it always does." Laughing, Cora poofs Johanna into the room as she crows about how it's time Snow learn that it's not good which triumphs, but power. At that, Regina reaches into Johanna's chest and rips out the old woman's heart. Holding it before Snow, Regina says, "Your choice." You know, like her birthday wasn't bad enough, now poor Snow is at the mercy of a woman wearing digging shorts. Commercial.
Sidebar. It seems to me I've used crow and the he's all sort of lame-ass quote tag more than once. I may do both again, too. I think crows comes to mind because of fairy tale ravens. As for the He's all... thing. Well, I've been re-watching Scrubs to lift my spirits, and I'm pretty sure J.D. says that sort of thing a lot. Even if he doesn't, I'm totally blaming him.
Enchanted Past. Palace. It's Snow's birthday, but the little girl is dressed in black. Johanna takes out the tiara and tells her it's time -- the kingdom needs her more than ever. The people will find strength in her goodness, and Snow can find strength where she always has, from her mother. When Snow places the crown on her head, she looks in the mirror and sighs. "She was right. It is heavy." We cut to...
Um. Another room in the Palace. A hall (the grand kind, not the corridor kind) of some sort or perhaps a chapel. Young Snow walks up the aisle and climbs the steps to where Eva's body is laid out. Bending over her mother's corpse, she whispers, "I miss you so much," then places a Snow Drop in the Queen's left hand, then turns to face her people. No news on where Leopold is, but I'm starting to think he's a deadbeat.
After a time cut. the hall is empty. Johanna encourages Snow to let her mother go and leads the girl off. Once they've left the room, the Clue Fairy (oh, if only) appears and flies into the room, then morphs into Cora, who gives a little fan service by complaining about Blue's Fairy costume. Addressing Eva's body, she says, "As for you, poison looks good on you, and death is most certainly your color." She picks up the Snow Drop and takes a whiff. "Hmm. You raised her well. My daughter doesn't love me the way yours loves you." That's probably because you're evil, Cora. Ignoring me, she continues her monologue, because she's just that evil that she wants to make me transcribe the damned thing. "Snow would have been a great ruler someday, but that will never happen, because my daughter will be Queen. And all yours will be left is knowing how I've felt. How it feels to be the miller's daughter." She leans in close to Dead Eva's face and adds, "I'll turn Snow White's heart black as coal. That candle won't be her final test. And once I've darkened her soul, it won't be just you I've destroyed. It'll be your legacy." As a final insult, Cora kisses her black gloved fingers and places them on Dead Eva's lips.
Well, that's an interesting turn. I can't wait to learn Cora and Eva's backstory. I've seen criticism of Sofer's performance as Eva, but so far, there isn't much to the role. I've enjoyed Sofer since her General Hospital days (I stopped watching Heroes somewhere in the second season I think, but I don't remember disliking her on that show). I wonder what her connection to Cora is. Cora sounds like a jealous sister in her monologue, but age-wise, Sofer is closer to Parrilla than to Hershey. I guess I'll just have to be patient, which is not my strong suit.
Storybrooke. Clock Tower. Snow begs Cora and Regina not to harm Johanna, but they're not good listeners. They want the dagger. As Johanna begs Snow not to give in, Charming draws his gun, but Cora easily magics it out of his hand, which leaves a person wondering why she doesn't just magically snatch the dagger from Snow's hand. I think there could be a magical explanation for this (one we haven't been given). I mean, it's a magical object, so maybe Snow has some magical hold on it while it is in her possession. Story-wise, though, we got our explanation in the last scene. Cora wants to turn Snow's heart dark, so she wants Snow to make the decision, and feel the consequences. That said, I do have problems with magic in Storybrooke. We're currently getting pelted with snow (not Snow White, but white snow) so I'm not sure I'm going to get into that rant, today. Suffice it to say, magic doesn't seem all that different, but its use is arbitrary (like, oh, say, digging a hole in the woods, manually, versus magically rifling through Belle's purse).
In the recaplet, I covered this scene in detail, so excuse me while I plagiarize myself. Cora taunts Snow about following her mother's example at all costs. "All she ever wanted was for you to be good." Upon hearing that, Snow realizes that years ago, it wasn't Blue who gave her the dark magic candle, but rather Clue, and that Cora was behind Eva's death. Even Regina is startled at this revelation and Cora's admission that she did it all to make her daughter the queen, but Regina bounces back quickly. She tightens her grip on Johanna's heart and demands the dagger. After some back and forth with Cora, Snow throws down the dagger and falls to her knees. When Cora magically snatches it up, Regina restores Johanna's heart. But do we all live happily ever after? No. Johanna stumbles toward Snow and Charming who hold onto her, but Cora isn't finished. With a wave of her hand, the Mother of All Evil magically defenestrates Johanna, which is horrible, but it does give me the chance to use defenestrate. Yes, it will never not please me to use that word. I've seen criticism of Regina standing idly by and allowing this to happen, but the magical defenestration is so quick, I don't think Regina had a chance. Mind you, I also don't think she would have taken the chance, had it presented itself. And in a "capital murder" sense, Regina is already guilty of Johanna's death, so I'm not inclined to pile on.
The Fairest of Them All looks out the broken window to see Johanna lying dead on the sidewalk, below. Wracked with pain, Snow's sobs are silent. When Charming takes her in his arms and pulls her back, Snow doubles over. Holding her tight, he looks at the Evil Regals. Before they disappear in twin puffs of purple smoke, Regina smiles. "Well, there you go. You see where good gets you?" Commercial.
Sidebar. There's been a lot of talk about how Snow shouldn't have handed over the dagger. I say nonsense. She had no choice, because she is a fairy tale hero. I mentioned in the show thread, that as far as Snow knows, Johanna is nothing to Cora -- just a pawn. Except for the fact that Cora gets off on evil, Snow has no reason to suspect that Johanna was a goner, either way, because Snow has no clue about Cora's goal: to turn Snow's heart black as coal. Besides, with Rumpy out of the reach of magic, the dagger isn't currently of any use to Snow, so it's perfectly sensible for Snow to hand over the dagger and try to save the one person she thinks can.
Sidebar Part II. Cora has already exhibited so much power in Storybrooke (including poofing herself and others into and out of places, making whole ships invisible, magicking the gun out of David's hand and appearing as other people) that she doesn't need the dagger to beat Snow in this situation, nor does she need it to terrorize the townies or kill them off. Snow knows that in refusing to give Cora the dagger, she would be signing Johanna's death warrant. But don't let your mind stop there, because I'm sure Snow doesn't. Let's say she keeps the dagger and lets Cora kill Johanna. Who is ? Who else would Cora poof up into that tower to use as leverage -- Ruby, Granny, the Dwarfs? She could and would spare no one in her quest. Cora is bound to win this round, no matter what Snow does, so Snow chooses rightly. Besides which, as I also said in the forum, fairy tales are no bastion Utilitarian thought. And honestly, the moment this show goes that way for real, I'm pretty sure I'll fall out of love with it.
Regina's Office. Oh hello, gorgeous wallpaper, which might make me dizzy in real life, but is a delight to behold on the small screen. When the Evil Regals enter the office, Cora lays the dagger on Regina's desk and takes her daughter's seat. That's telling, yes? When Cora asks Regina what's troubling her, Regina says, "You never told me your history with Snow's mother." Cora blathers something about sparing Regina, but Regina's not buying. She figures she deserves to know what it took for her to become Queen. "That day at the stables when I rescued [Snow] -- that wasn't an accident, was it?" We flash back to the time of "The Stable Boy."
Mills Manse. Cora tells young Regina that she's arranged for her to have an extra riding lesson on Rocinante, which is great, because what is Regina, if not one who tilts at windmills? While current day Regina provides narrative via voice-over, we see Cora lurking behind the trees. Young Snow's horse rears and takes off. Regina is snogging with Daniel when Snow races past. Back in...
Storybrooke. Present. Regina's Office. Regina realizes that Cora even engineered her rescue of Snow. But does Regina do the reasonable thing, and let her realization spark the realization that Snow has never been her enemy and bears no responsibility for Daniel's death? Of course not. At least not as far as we can tell, but I have to allow that Regina might be faking out her mother, here. I keep returning to her line in her earlier (Storybrooke) conversation with Snow, in which she asks what if she is good. That's probably wishful thinking though, so I'm trying not to get hung up on it. Anyhow, Cora asks if this knowledge changes anything for Regina. Regina says, "You won, mother. I am the Queen. If that's what you wanted so badly, why do you need Rumpelstiltskin's dagger, now?"
Cora says, "You're worried that my interests are no longer aligned with yours." No longer? As if they ever were. Regina keeps a cooler head and softly says all she wants now is Henry. Cora assures her she will have him. Regina wonders how that's possible. Since everyone will know they have the dagger, they can't use it to make Gold kill Snow, David and Emma, without Henry figuring it out. Cora tells Regina to have patience. "By the time Rumpelstiltskin returns, Emma Swan and the rest of them will be nothing but a vaguely unpleasant memory, and Henry will be yours." I shiver despite myself, because I can't help but think her words could be parsed as though Henry will be Regina's vaguely unpleasant memory, rather than her son. As if to stoke my fear, Cora strokes the dagger, which does not escape Regina's notice. I can't help but root for Regina (in her dealings with Cora, otherwise I'm team Emma+Henry), regardless of her sins. We cut to...
Manhattan. I have no idea why Emma is accompanying Neal to pick up the car, except that it is convenient. Contrivance Fairy, "You're welcome." No way, CF. I am not playing along. It makes no sense to me that she'd leave Henry alone with Gold. Even if she doesn't suspect Gold would hurt the kid, she should be concerned that Gold might croak, while her little boy is all alone with him. I love Emma, but at some point, I have to stop cutting her slack just because she's new to motherhood. While Henry is no infant, Emma is still a new mother. New mothers tend to be more cautious, not less. There's some talk between the two about Neal's surprising willingness to save Gold, but while he can't let him die, he doesn't think forgiveness is in the cards. Emma thinks that somewhere inside, Neal hopes that will change. Oh Emma, now you're the one who is being transfer-y.
Besides all their blather, the real point of Emma going along with Neal is that as soon as they reach the car, he remembers he's been wanting to tell her something. Before he can get the words out, they're approached by a beautiful woman (Sonequa Martin-Green). She got worried once she talked to him. "You can't just say you're leaving town for a while." Neal promises her that everything is fine. When Emma wants to get this show on the road, the woman introduces herself as Tamara. Emma says, "I'm Emma," and forces a smile. When she looks at Neal, he adds, "She's my fiancée." Emma blinks twice, then forces another smile in Tamara's direction. Oh Emma. I can't even deal with this right now. We cut to...
Storybrooke. Kneeling by Johanna's grave, which lies in the shadow of the Mills' mausoleum, Snow plants a Snow Drop plant. When she rises to her feet, David tells her the service was beautiful. I hope this means that more people than David and Snow were present. When Snow bemoans the loss of the innocent Johanna, David tells her not to blame herself. She did the best she could in an impossible situation. Spotting Regina's mausoleum only makes Snow more bitter. "I've followed the same rule my entire life: hold onto goodness. It's what my mother taught me. How many more lives is following that lesson going to take away from me?"
Charming says, "You can't let Cora make you lose faith in who you are -- someone who does the right thing. You know, that's exactly what she wants." Some people like to paint Charming as a dim bulb, but he's figured out Cora's plan in a jiffy. Snow lists all her right decisions: stopping Regina's execution; sending Emma through the wardrobe, alone; letting Eva die. Charming reminds her, "And we keep beating them." Snow: "At what cost? All I want is our happy ending. It's time. We've earned it. No more lives lost. No more hearts broken."
Charming tells Snow the dagger is useless until Gold returns, so they have time to get it back and bring the Evil Regals to justice. I don't know how he thinks that's possible. I mean, even if they didn't have the dagger, they'd be pretty hard to try and imprison. Snow doesn't care about justice, anyhow. "We keep thinking that people will change. What if that's wrong? What if I'm the one who has to change?" Not liking the sound of this any more than I do, Charming asks, "Change how?" Looking off at nothing in particular, Snow replies, "I'm going to kill Cora." Dun dun dun!
Well, that's about it. One thing I wanted to mention is that the people in our forums are wondering if Cora has the real dagger, or just a decoy. One moment I hate that speculation, the moment, I'm all over it, so instead, I'll just ask what you think?
I will be back with coverage of "The Miller's Daughter." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're blowing out the candles, just to be safe.