In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Snow, Emma and Regina do not appear in this week's episode, "The Crocodile," but fear not dearies -- there is still plenty o' pretty. Colin O'Donoghue plays Killian Jones who will, as the title teases, become Captain Hook. And guess who his reptilian nemesis is? I can't decide if I love the fact that Rumpy is the Dark One, Belle's beast and now Hook's crocodile, or if this is going to get old quick. Wait… maybe it's both. It is fun that he's the antagonist in so many backstories, but I hope the show doesn't overuse this device. I guess I shouldn't borrow trouble on this front. To date, the writers and Robert Carlyle have crafted a character that manages to attract, even as he repels.
O'Donoghue is careful not to ape either Johnny's Depp's Jack Sparrow or the Disney version of Captain Hook, but he still brings plenty of sexy swagger to his swashbuckling. Written by David H. Goodman and Robert Hull, my first impression is that the "The Crocodile" might not be up to Once Upon A Time's usual standards where dialogue and emotional resonance are concerned. To be fair, it starts out handicapped on the latter, because Snow and Emma are absent (and Henry is only in one scene), so I'll have to think more on that when writing the full recap. Not every episode can or should be a tearjerker and we were certainly blessed with an overabundance of pain in last week's outing.
While "The Crocodile" doesn't pluck my heartstrings the way so many episodes have, it is a fun, if campy outing -- and one that hits the characterization bullseye. Up until now, Belle hasn't been much more than a cipher who paled beside Disney's smart, resourceful heroine. Thanks to Hull and Goodman, Belle has finally become a character who just might matter in her own right. Similarly, "The Crocodile" further enriches Rumpy's already overflowing treasure chest in both the Enchanted Past and the Storybrooke present. The only character who doesn't work that well for me is his wife, Milah, whose reasons for abandoning her own son never materialize into something resembling understandable. If we ever see her again, I hope that changes and that we get some insight into why she married Rumpy, if indeed -- as she claims -- she never loved him.
Enchanted Past. Long ago and far away, before Rumpy becomes the Dark One, he is simply the Coward of the County, which bothers no one more than his wife, Milah (Rachel Shelley). She can't bear to be in the same shack with him and her wanderlust makes matters worse, so she spends her time at the local pub, carousing with pirates and only coming home when Rumpy brings a young Baelfire (Sebastian Wilkinson) with him, to retrieve her. Eventually Rumpy gets word from a neighbor that Milah has been captured by the pirates who are about to set sail. Rumpy musters the intestinal fortitude to hobble down to the harbor and confront Captain Jones, but when Jones challenges the cuckold to a duel, our poor sad sack is fortitude-free.
A few years later, after Bae uses a magic bean to leave for a world without magic, Rumpy meets with William Smee (played by Eureka's Chris Gauthier) who promises to procure a magic bean in exchange for eternal life. Now the mostly eternal Dark One, Rumpy scoffs at the idea of anyone else having eternal life, but says he can return the man to his childhood. If, however, Smee fails to procure the bean, Rumpy will fast-forward his life until he is but dust.
Captain Jones returns to port and recognizes Rumpy in his Dark One visage. No longer afraid for his physical form, Rumpy and Jones make a date to duel at dawn, but with magic on the imp's side the sexy sailor is easily outmatched. Rather than slay Jones with his own sword though, Rumpy thrusts his hand in the pirate's chest and squeezes his heart. Milah appears and tries to reason with Rumpy. She was in love with Jones and didn't know how to admit the truth. She knows her ex is looking for a magic bean and will give it to him, provided he leaves her and Jones alone.
Rumpy has other ideas. Once aboard Jones' ship, he pulls out Milah's heart (which must be where Cora learned the trick) and crumbles it to dust. Since Jones was holding the bean at the time, Rumpy cuts off the captain's hand and takes it -- giving us the true Hollywood story of how Hook got his hook. When Rumpy returns home, he opens the still clenched fingers of the severed hand only to find it empty. Back on ship, Smee signs on with Jones' crew, and Jones tosses the bean into the sea. A whirlpool portal forms in the water and Hook and his men set sail for Neverland.
In present-day Storybrooke, Belle spies Rumpy practicing magic. When she asks him why, he does not have the courage to come clean with her, so Belle takes off for Granny's diner where she drowns her sorrows in iced tea and talks to Red, who suggests that Belle rent a room in their home and see about getting a job in the still closed library.
Belle is soon kidnapped by Smee, who brings her back to her father, Moe (Eric Keenleyside). While she is delighted to see her dad again, Belle is no more inclined to let him control her than she is to deal with Rumpy's deception. Afraid she will return to Rumpy, Moe gives Smee the go-ahead to take Belle to the town line and wipe her memory. While it will pain him to lose his connection to his daughter, at least she will be free of Rumpy. I don't have time to rant about Moe's control issues, but trust me, I'm steaming.
Belle is rescued by Red (and her lupine ability to track a scent), Charming and Rumpy, who find her handcuffed to a cart in the mines headed toward the border. While she's grateful for the rescue, she tells both Rumpy and her father that she never wants to see either of them ever again. Good choice, Belle.
Later, at Granny's, Red gives Belle a gift box that was left for her. Inside is a key to the library. Belle finds Rumpy waiting for her there. He comes clean with her about losing Bae, creating the Dark Curse in order to travel to his son and explains that he brought magic to town, because he is still, at heart, a coward who needs that crutch. He seems to imply that the town-limits amnesia is likely a consequence of bringing magic to this world, so he's hoisted on his own petard. If he leaves town to find Bae, he will lose all memory of the son he so desperately seeks. Touched by his honesty, Belle, who is infatuated with modern American fare, proposes they get together for a hamburger sometime.
Back home, Rumpy has Smee tied up in his cellar. He found the sailor's trademark red hat when he rescued Belle from the mines. He wants to know where Hook is. Smee says that it seems the curse did not bring everyone to Storybrooke. I wonder how Smee got separated from Captain Hook.
Enchanted Present. Hook meets Cora on the beach that leads to Neverland. She shows him the ashes from the enchanted wardrobe and says they're that much closer to finding a way to Regina and Rumpy and I don't think the reunion they're planning is all that festive. Dun dun dun!
I'll be back with the whole story, in the full recap. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're eagerly polishing our swords and buckling our swash.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Storybrooke. We open in Gold's shop, where Rumpy presents Belle with a serious diamond necklace. As he places it around her neck, she asks what the occasion is. Rumpy says they are the occasion. They haven't gotten out much since Storybrooke awoke, and he wants them to see the town, together. Belle wraps her arms around him, kisses him and thanks him. Rumpy cracks that she shouldn't get her hopes up. Storybrooke nightlife is pretty limited. You think? It seems like the only places in town are Granny's and The Rabbit Hole -- that club Ruby, Mary and Ashley were at last Valentine's Day. Hey, what do you want? It's Maine. There are more trees there than people. Anyone who's ever driven I-95 to Canada will back me up here.
The tender mood is broken when Grumpy storms into the shop, and this is my worst nightmare. Okay, that's a ridiculous exaggeration (I'd never tell you all my worst nightmare), but I do dread having Grumpy and Rumpy in the same scene. It took me forever to add Rumpy to my spell check (because I was afraid I might not notice if I called Grumpy Rumpy by mistake), and now I wish I hadn't. I only call Robert Carlyle's character Rumpy, because Rumpelstiltskin is too long and easy to misspell, as the show itself can testify (witness his Dark One dagger, upon which Rumplestiltskin is engraved). A lot of people call him Rumple, but I don't like to because it reminds me of the misspelling, yet Rumpel doesn't feel right, because it overlooks the show's misspelling. It's a conundrum, is what. Can we flashback a year or so, and let me again? No. Oh, right. We're out of fairy dust. Speaking of which...
Grumpy barges in and demands that Rumpy return his axe. Rumpy pours on the fake charm and says, "I'm sorry, but we're closed." When Grumpy protests, Rumpy says they're "still closed." Grumpy: "Just because you possess something don't (sic) mean it's yours. Nothing in this shop belongs to you." Grumpy then turns toward Belle whom, you'll recall, he met long ago and far away. "And you. How can you be with such a monster? Or maybe you're just another possession, too." Rumpy freaks, pushes Grumpy across the shop and tells him he can have his axe -- buried in his chest. Belle cries out for him to stop, but instead, Rumpy throttles Grumpy. As our beloved Dwarf chokes, Belle says, "This isn't you, anymore." Rumpy turns to her. His skin is now flecked with Gold, his voice a fey chirrup. "Oh, it's me, dearie. Always has been. Always will be." Belle gasps and...
Wakes with a start. She sits up in bed and looks over to the empty place beside her, which is maybe a little more information than I wanted, Show. It's still dark when Belle makes her way downstairs and out to the yard. She's in her nightgown, which looks more like a slip, and Maine nights can get cold, so I shiver. Crouching down, she looks into the basement window, where she sees Rumpy spinning gold. He snips off a piece and drops it into a beaker that contains a dark blue liquid. With the addition of the gold, it bubbles up into pink and purple magiconium. Rumpy's expression is inscrutable as he observes the results through a magnifying glass. Title card.
The Enchanted Past. A pre-Dark-One Rumpy returns to his shack, calling for his wife Milah, but his young son Baelfire (Sebastian Wilkinson) is home alone. Rumpy makes excuses to the boy, claiming his Mum probably just lost track of time. He tells Bae to grab his cloak. They'll find her. We cut to a tavern, where Milah is whooping it up with a bunch of pirates, including the quite easy on the eyes Captain Killian Jones (Connor O'Donoghue). When Rumpy tells Milah it's time to go, she says, "Good. So go." Jones asks, "Who's this?" Milah: "Oh, it's no one." Her smile turns to a sneer. "It's just my husband." Rumpy averts his eyes. Jones: "Oh. He's a tad taller than you described." The pirates burst into raucous laughter that seems to imply Milah probably never mentioned her husband's height, but perhaps disclosed other measurements.
Rumpy winces, then covers with a smile. "Please. You have responsibilities." Milah belittles him for being an Ogre Wars deserter. She'd rather be a war widow than married to the village coward then adds, "Run home, Rumple. It's what you're good at." Just then, Bae enters. "Mama?" Rumpy gently reminds Bae that he was supposed to wait outside. When Milah catches sight of the boy, her smirk dissolves into a frown fraught with shame and guilt. She jumps up from her seat and hurries to the boy. Putting her arms on his shoulders, she hustles him out of the tavern. A grim-faced Rumpy silently follows.
Back home, Milah is already bundled up in bed, while Rumpy pours a cup of tea. "You don't really wish I'd died during...during the Ogre Wars, do you?" Milah: "I wish you'd fought. Don't you?" Rumpy: "Well, I'm alive. And I'm here with you. With Bae." Milah's voice is gentle as she says this isn't a life -- at least not for her. She suggests they leave and start over somewhere, where he doesn't have to be the village coward. They could see the whole world. Rumpy ignores her suggestion and says while he knows this isn't the life she wanted, it can be good. He asks her to try, if not for his sake, then at least for Bae's.
Storybrooke. Morning. Rumpy enters the house and is surprised to find Belle sitting on the couch, still in her nightgown. When she asks what he's been doing, he changes the subject, saying he's going to make her breakfast. She tells him she saw him in the basement -- practicing magic. He assures her he was just doing a couple of spells, but nothing worth worrying about. Belle asks him to be honest with her and explain why he brought magic to Storybrooke. He reminds her that magic is power, but when she asks why he needs it, he won't tell her. Belle: "You don't need power, Rumple. You need courage -- to let me in." Yes, I know I just went on about not using Rumple or Rumpel, but when it's spoken on screen, it's hard to avoid. Are you sure I can't flash back in time and change this? Fairy dust shortage. Right.
Enchanted Past. A neighbor woman comes to the door and tells Rumpy that he needs to get to the docks. The pirates have taken Milah. Well, she just calls them "the men who came into port," but when I get to use pirates, I bloody well use pirates. Anyhow, the pirates are setting sail, so he must hurry.
Down at the docks, Rumpy finds Jones' ship. Because of his limp, he stumbles as he boards and falls flat on the deck. Do you think the army hobbled him for being a deserter? Jones introduces himself and asks Rumpy why he's on his ship.
Rumpy: You've got my wife.
Jones: Well, I've had many a man's wife.
Recapper: *cackles*
Rumpy: We have a son, and he needs his mother.
Jones: Well see, I have a ship full of men who need...companionship.
Recapper: Ew.
Rumpy begs some more for Milah's return. Jones, knowing full well who and what he's dealing with, challenges Rumpy to a duel. Dropping a sword at Rumpy's feet, then pointing his own blade at the sad sack, Jones says, "Never been in a duel before, I take it. Well, it's quite simple, really. Pointy end goes in the other guy." I find Jones delightful -- but it's difficult to watch this scene because I'm so busy cringing for Rumpy. When Rumpy fails to pick up the sword and engage, Jones tells him, "A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets." And in a coming back story, we'll learn that Jones, who will become Hook, once wrote fortune cookie fortunes for a living. And hey, what's the deal with fortune cookies, these days? Nobody writes fortunes any more. They're like corny advice cookies. "A smile brightens the day of all who see and wear it." Bah. No wonder Jones chose piracy. Anyhow, Rumpy begs a little more. "Please sir, what am I going to tell my boy?" Jones: "Try the truth. His father's a coward." Commercial.
Holy cheeseballs, Batman. I never recap commercials, but I would be derelict in my duties, were I to overlook this one. Shot in black and white, we open on Brad Pitt, who had been on my mind all weekend because I'd just watched both Thor and The Avengers for the first time (and second third and fourth times, because...THOR), and I kept thinking how Chris Hemsworth would resemble Brad Pitt, were only Pitt a big hunk of manly man. Anyhow, Pitt's standing in front of a wall that someone spent too much time sponge painting, considering we can't even see the colors.
PITT: It's not a journey. Every journey ends, but we go on.
RECAPPER'S HUSBAND: What the... (he looks around the room and realizes our three children are present) What is this?
RECAPPER: (Pausing the DVR) Shh. I want to hear it.
RECAPPER'S OLDEST SON: Is he that actor who's a Scientologist?
RECAPPER: Shh. No. Now let me rewind and start it, again.
PITT: It's not a journey. Every journey ends, but we go on.
RUPERT GILES: It's all about the journey. Isn't it?
RECAPPER: All right, all voices in the room, including those in my head, need to cease. I have to know what this is.
PITT: It's not a journey. Every journey ends, but we go on. (He looks down, then up, then off to his left.) The world turns and we turn with it.
RECAPPER'S OLDEST SON: Are you sure he's not the Scientologist?
RECAPPER: Yes. You're thinking of Tom Cruise. Or John Travolta. This is Brad Pitt. Hush now.
PITT: (He looks down again, and then off to his right, and squints.) Plans disappear. Dreams take over...
RECAPPER: At least I never heard he was a Scientologist. Maybe he's coming out as one?
RECAPPER'S YOUNGER SON: It's just a commercial. Why does it matter?
RECAPPER: Oh honey, it's only thanks to cheese like this that I get to watch shows I like, and pick on them for fun and profit. I wonder if Tubey would pay me to recap commercials on a regular basis. Probably not, as it might turn off our advertisers. Darn the luck.
RECAPPER'S DAUGHTER: Now you're doing it, Mom. Stop.
RECAPPER: (Chagrinned.) Sorry.
PITT: Should I take it once more from the top?
RECAPPER: Why the heck not. (She rewinds, yet again.)
PITT: It's not a journey. Every journey ends, but we go on. (He looks down, then up, then off to his left.) The world turns and we turn with it. (He looks down again, and then off to his right, and squints.) Plans disappear. Dreams take over. (He returns his gaze to the camera.) But wherever I go, there you are. (Extreme close up of his face.) My luck. My fate. My fortune. (There's a cut, after which we see the camera has zoomed out, a little.) Chanel Number 5.
(Cut to a shot of a giant Chanel No.5 parfum bottle hovering over the world. If that thing gets hit by a meteor, I will never, ever stop sneezing. It's night, but the landscape is dotted with city lights, and there's a bright glow on the horizon.)
PITT VOICE OVER: Inevitable.
RECAPPER'S HUSBAND: Wow. Just wow. I hope he got a lot of money for doing that to himself. But he can't even need any more money, can he?
RECAPPER: Well, he does have a lot of kids. Maybe Angie wants another baby?
RECAPPER'S HUSBAND: I hope Clooney gives him hell for that. Let's watch it again!
RECAPPER: Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston is smiling, and she doesn't even know why.
So, yeah, that happened. Where was I? Oh, right. We return to the Storybrooke mines. Grumpy supervises as his fellow dwarfs and Charming hack away at the rock. The dwarfs are all dressed in long sleeved work shirts, but Charming is only wearing a grey tank style undershirt. I'm grateful for both wardrobe choices. And hey, since Thor is still on my mind, I'll confess it took me a few scenes to realize that Josh Dallas plays Fandral (one of the three warriors who fight alongside Sif and Thor). He's much more appealing on Once Upon A Time. Charming turns and winks at Henry, who is probably trying to come to terms with having a grandpa so buff. Red arrives with a basket full of giant muffins. She gives one to Henry and they exposit about the lack of fairy dust and their hopes of retrieving Emma and Snow. Red leaves without giving muffins to any of the guys actually working, and promises to be back at lunch, at which time I suppose she'll give Henry a fresh Maine lobster, dripping with butter, and tell the dwarfs to whistle for meal.
There's an overly obvious close up shot of Charming wiping the mine dust off his hands, and if that wasn't anvilicious enough for you, he then mutters, "Ugh. I hate mine dust." Turning back to the workers, he calls out, "Leroy, if you find anything, I'll be at the Sheriff's station." He's stepping in, until Emma gets back. See. He's a good daddy and a responsible citizen.
Rumpy's House. Rumpy goes upstairs and knocks on Belle's door, which helps me forget the TMI implication of the earlier shot of Belle in bed. When she doesn't answer, he opens the door. The room is empty, but one of the windows is wide open. We cut to...
Game of Thorns. Rumpy arrives at Mo French's wonderfully named flower shop, bearing a hand-drawn missing poster, featuring a color sketch of Belle. He asks the man whom he nearly beat to death if he's heard from his daughter. Mo is less than eager to share information with Rumpy, but it doesn't matter, since he hasn't seen Belle either. Rumpy says that Belle made a flyer in hopes of finding Mo. Mo: "Let me guess. You took care of it by throwing it in the trash." Rumpy doesn't expect Mo's help; he just wants to know Belle is safe. Mo: "And now, thanks to you, neither one of us knows where she is. You're a monster, Rumplestiltskin (sic)." We flash back to...
L'enchantment. It's set later than the earlier scenes, as Rumpy is the Dark One and Bae has already left their world. Rumpy is seated in a tavern when he is approached by William Smee (Chris Gauthier). We don't get confirmation that he's Smee until much later, but his floppy red cap makes it pretty obvious, and I hate having to pretend I haven't already watched an episode. Rumpy menaces that Smee had better make this meeting worth his while, so Smee gets to the point. He's in the business of procuring hard-to-find objects. He understands Rumpy is in search of a magic bean that can transport people between worlds. Rumpy leans in and hisses that he's been told those beans no longer exist in their land. Smee agrees. "Not in this land, no, but the ships that dock here often return from far-off lands with treasures they don't always understand." Smee says it's his job to to understand such things. "As is knowing the rumors of who might pay the highest price for such treasures." When Rumpy asks what rumors he's heard, Smee morphs into the Exposition Fairy. "You were once a great coward, but [...] became the Dark One to protect the--a son who you lost, despite all..."
Rumpy stretches out his hand, and without touching Smee, throttles him with magic. "It's not nice to spread rumors!" A beat. "A bean. Where is it?" Smee chokes out that while he doesn't have it, he swears he can get it. When Rumpy releases his magical grasp on Smee's throat, his victim says, "You haven't heard my price." Rumpy: "I spin straw into gold. Price shouldn't be a problem." Smee reveals he wants not money, but eternal life. Rumpy giggles, then says, "Only the Dark One has life eternal." What he can offer is youth. He'll spin back the clock until Smee is once again a little boy. Smee agrees that's close enough and says, "Deal." Rumpy: "But remember, if you fail to deliver, I spin the clock forward, and turn you into dust." Rising to his feet, Smee mutters his thanks and scurries out.
A waitress (Chelsea Turner) approaches Rumpy and asks if he's sure he doesn't want anything. He's ready to refuse when he notices a man entering the tavern. It's Killian Jones, who greets his crew and asks for a beer. Rumpy looks up at the waitress. "You know, I suddenly find myself quite thirsty." We cut to...
Storybrooke. Granny's. Red brings Belle her third iced tea and jokes about wondering if she should call her a cab. Belle explains she's never had it iced before. "It's delicious." Now I want iced tea. The two get to talking, because Red has never seen Belle, before. When Belle says, "I've been a...kept woman, until recently," Red sits down to get the scoop. Belle admits she might be headed toward a bad breakup, and hasn't managed to find any family in town yet. Red suggests Belle take a room at Granny's, and when talk turns to Belle's need of a job and love of books, Red says, "The library! It's been closed forever, but things are changing now. Maybe they need a librarian." We cut to the...
Library exterior. The library is still boarded up tight. Belle peeks between the boards and catches sight of all the lovely, lovely books. I want in that library so, I can't stand it. Just then Smee approaches. He plays at making nice at first, but once he determines Belle is alone, he grabs her and places a hand over her mouth. Commercial. (But sadly, there's nothing as cheesy as Pitt's Chanel spot.)
Enchanted Past. Night. Exterior. Jones and his crew stumble through the streets, laughing and bullying innocent bystanders, because...PIRATES! Disguised as a beggar, Rumpy passes by them, but his cloak conceals his head and he keeps his gaze turned toward the ground. He accidentally on-purpose bumps into Jones, who says, "Hey you. Stop. Even gutter rats have more manners than you've just displayed."
Rumpy mutters his apologies as he turns to face his rival. When Jones gets a glimpse of Rumpy's complexion he says, "Oh, I'm sorry. Not a rat at all. More..." He glances towards his crew for inspiration, then says, "More like a crocodile." Good thing he's handsome, because he's very mean. Sure, Rumpy deserves it, but Jones doesn't yet know that. He knocks the alms cup out of Rumpy's hand and asks his name. When Rumpy bends down to pick up the cup and spilled coins, Jones puts a boot on his shoulder and pushes him down.
Rumpy struggles to his feet as his assailants laugh, then throws off his hood, giggles his trademark giggle and gives Jones a good look at his face. Jones remembers him right away. With great flourish, and his usual bow that seems more like a curtsy, he introduces himself as Rumplestiltskin (sic -- look, we've been over this; it bothers me to spell it the way the show does, but it bothers me to spell it correctly, since the show doesn't, so there's going to be the occasional "sic"), and then adds, "...Or as others know me, the Dark One." When the crew cowers in fear, Rumpy gloats about his reputation proceeding him. He says it's time for the question and answer portion of their game and asks how Milah is. When Jones plays dumb, Rumpy says he's willing to dig out the memory, and he means that literally, since he adds that will get really messy.
Jones lies that Milah is dead, and asks Rumpy what he wants. Now, during the pilot, we were told that Rumpy knows the future. I can't remember if that's a feature that comes standard with the Dark One package, or if Rumpy honed that ability later, with some magical help. Looking at Rumpy's expression here, I can't decide whether or not he knows Jones is lying. What do you think? Rumpy reminds Jones that they never finished (or even had, for that matter) their duel. When Jones reaches for his sword, Rumpy says, "Not now. Tomorrow at dawn. I am not a cruel man. Get your affairs in order. Also, you can spend tonight knowing it is your last." He giggles then says, "Maybe I am cruel." He closes in on Jones. "And don't think about trying to escape, because I will find you, and I will gut your entire crew." He assumes an Italianesque accent and adds, "Like-a da feeeesh." When Jones tries to stare him down, Rumpy's grin widens.
Storybrooke. Present. Charming goes to Snow's apartment to ask Charming for help. Charming tries to beg off. He's got another overly busy day, thanks to all the havoc wreaked by the Chintz Monster Rumpy summoned, but Rumpy is nothing if not polite and persistent. He hands Charming the missing poster and tells him about Belle. When Charming asks if this is the person who Rumpy once confessed to loving -- the one he said was dead -- Rumpy confirms she's one in the same. He thought she died, and oh my word, he's already the Dark One. Does he really have to play the Exposition Fairy, too? I guess the show is still new enough to attract viewers who might want back story, but that's why God makes DVDs and recappers. I'm going to gloss. Rumpy can't use the tracking spell he gave Charming because he has nothing belonging to Belle. He is not too proud to use Charming's own loss of Emma and Snow to enlist the acting sheriff's sympathy. We cut to the...
Enchanted Past. Dawn. As ever, I am not your action recapper. Rumpy and Jones meet at dawn and begin their duel, but it's pretty difficult to duel with a magical being. I'd feel worse for Jones had he not once challenged the limping, cowardly cuckold merely to humiliate him. Rumpy plays cat and mouse with Jones for a few, but then disarms him. On his knees, the pirate looks up at the Dark One and says, "Go ahead, I'm ready for the sword." Rumpy holds the blade to Jones' neck and leans over him and says, "No. Do you know what it's like to have your wife stolen from you -- to feel powerless to stop it? It feels like having your heart ripped from your chest. Actually, let me show you." Rumpy reaches into Jones' chest, as Cora will one day to do Daniel, and Regina will one day do to...sob...Graham, and clutches his heart. The magic crackles as Rumpy squeezes Jones' heart.
Milah appears and shouts at Rumpy to stop. I guess he didn't know Jones was lying to him, because he's clearly shocked when he says, "Milah?" We cut to commercial. No Pitt. After the break, we flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Present. In some workshop or back room, somewhere (maybe Game of Thorns, I can't tell), Smee shoves Belle down onto a chair. When she asks who put him up to kidnapping her, Mo walks in. "Belle?" Although she's shocked to see her dad, it's a happy shock. She rises and runs to his arms. They embrace and cry with relief. Mo breaks the clinch to apologize for finding her in quite this way. "Please understand, I had no choice. [...] After the curse broke, I searched all over for you, and discovered the Dark One still held you captive." He is shocked when Belle sets him straight on the fact that she chose to be with him. She admits that she fell in love with Rumpy, but fears it must be over now. But wait, I need a sidebar.
Sidebar: Even before we get to the real drama about Belle and Mo, I just need to vent about that exchange up there because it's yet another example of TV Talk. I'm an unabashed fan of this well-done show, but one of my pet peeves about TV is stilted dialogue. Belle should have told Mo that Regina kept her captive for 28 years because I imagine right now, he thinks his girl was with Rumpy all that time. Now perhaps the writers' choice to omit the information was because of time. If so, remove three Rumpy chortles, two pirate taunts, or a curtsy, and you're all caught up. I don't think it was because of time, though. It seems to me it was a conscious choice, to help excuse or at least mitigate the decision Mo will soon make. But that's unnecessary. He has enough history with Rumpy in both L'enchantement and in Storybrooke that it's understandable (if control-freakishly wrong) that he wants to keep his daughter away from Rumpy no matter what. Heck, in this very episode, Rumpy admitted to him that he threw away the "Missing" poster Belle made, in order to find Mo. What father would want his daughter with Rumpy? So please, dear writers, make your characters say what real people would. I understand you don't want to lose the drama of the scene, but here's all it takes: instead of, "He wasn't holding me captive, I chose to be with him," Belle could say, "It was Regina who held me captive. When I was freed, I found Rumpy, first. I chose to stay with him." What Mo will attempt to do is inexcusable, regardless of whether or not he thinks Rumpy had her for 28 years or a few days. That said, his motivation is clear, even when you avoid TV Talk. Please avoid TV Talk. Okay, I'm done venting now.
So yes, Belle admits she fell for Rumpy, but adds that it might be over now. Mo insists it must be. He tries to make her promise she'll no longer love him, and will never see him again. Belle's reaction is nearly violent. She is no longer a child. Lost fans, were you hoping she's utter a John Locke-ian, "Don't tell me what I can't do"? I sure was. Mo tells Belle she doesn't understand about Rumpy. Belle argues that he fails to understand it's her life. Saying he has no choice, he tells Smee to, "Do it." Smee grabs Belle and drags her out of the shop. Mo calls after her, "Goodbye, Belle. I love you."
Out on the street, Charming is talking to a young man. He crosses the road and approaches Rumpy. "Do you remember turning a butcher into a pig?" Rumpy shrugs and says he can't recall. Charming: "Well he does. And apparently it was his father. I'm beginning to understand why nobody wants to help you." Heh. It doesn't matter, as the guy hasn't seen Belle. Charming suggests they go to Granny's and see who else he terrorized. Rumpy changes the subject. He wants to ask a question. "About you and Mary Margaret. How does that work?" After snarking about Rumpy asking him dating advice, Charming tells Rumpy the secret is honesty, honesty and hard work. Nothing taught him the important of honesty more than the curse. Oh, he's still feeling guilty over his David Nolan adultery. We flash back to the...
Enchanted Past. Rumpy removes his hand from Jones' chest and lets him fall to the ground. Jones tells Milah to run, but she won't leave him. Rumpy knows there's more to the story and demands Milah tell him. The first night she met Killian at the tavern and listened to all his stories of where he'd been, she immediately fell in love with him. She apologizes that she didn't know how to tell him the truth, and says she never meant it to turn out this way. Rumpy's about as impressed with her excuse of twu luv as I am. When he decides to continue tearing out Jones' heart, Milah tells him to wait. She says she has something he wants and pulls out Smee's red cap. While Milah doesn't know what the Dark One wants with a magic bean, she has it and will give it to Rumpy in exchange for her life and Killian's. When she asks if they have a deal, Rumpy insists upon seeing it first.
Storybrooke. Granny's. At first, Red tells Charming the picture of Belle doesn't "ring a bell." Groan. Charming suspects she's fronting though, so he appeals to his old ally and promises he'll keep Belle from harm. She tells him Belle was in and was looking for a job, so she pointed her in the direction of the library. Red pulls out a grey sweater and gives it to Rumpy, telling him Belle left it behind. Rumpy: "That's mine. She didn't have anything for the cold." Um, why not? I mean, I understand she came to Storybrooke with nothing, but you're well off, Rumpy. And she has a few outfits now. You couldn't buy the girl a sweater? None of that matters. Red sees Rumpy has true feelings for Belle. After asking Charming to ensure he'll keep Belle safe, Red admits that since the curse broke, her lupine sense of smell seems to have returned.
Following her nose, Red leads the men down the street, but when she gets in front of the Game of Thorns shop, all the flowers cause her allergies to act up and she loses the scent. Since Rumpy isn't an idiot, he also knows this means Belle probably found her way to her father's floral shop. He leads the way inside. Mo orders him out. Rumpy demands to know where Belle is. Charming assures Mo he won't let anything happen to her. Red adds that they're just worried. Mo tells them not to be. She's safe. Rumpy asks for a chance to talk to her, but Mo says he'd destroy Belle, just like he destroys everything, so he won't allow it. Rumpy wants to know what Mo has done with Belle. Mo says he has to make Belle forget about Rumpy, no matter the cost, even if it means she'll forget about her own father as well. Rumpy: "He's sending her across the town line." Commercial. No Pitt.
Outside the shop, Charming says they have patrols all around the edge of town, so he wants to know how Mo is planning to get her across without being spotted. When he won't answer, Rumpy shoves Mo against the delivery truck, presses his cane against the man's neck and screams for answers. Charming pulls Rumpy off, and then notices the mine dust on Mo's hands, which is all the payoff we get for that obvious shot of Charming's hands and his anvilicious muttering. Oh, dear. Charming knows the tunnels lead out of town. He throws Mo into the delivery truck. Red gets behind the wheel, and Rumpy rides shotgun. We cut to the...
Enchanted Past. Docks. Milah leads a weak Jones aboard his ship and instructs a crew member to fetch some water. She also orders him to bring up their prisoner from below deck -- him and his booty. Rumpy arrives and chides Milah for finding the family he could never have with her. A pirate leads a bound and gagged Smee to the deck. Milah grabs the bean from his hand and rushes it to Rumpy. It looks like a glycerin suppository, well, a curvy bean shaped one. Milah shows it to Rumpy, then tosses it to Jones, who catches it in his left hand.
Milah asks if they have a deal. Can they go their separate ways? Rumpy grandstands -- saying she really wants to know if he's "over it." He can see they're twuly in luv and has just one question: "How could you leave Bae?" The wind kicks up. Ropes tied to the rail, fly free. Rumpy continues. "Do you know what it was like walking home that night, knowing that I had to tell our son his mother was dead?" Milah starts to make some excuse and says she wishes she'd had the courage to tell the truth. Admitting to her cowardice, she also blahs about how there's not a day that goes by that she doesn't feel sorry about leaving Bae, but I don't like it, and not just because this is all a very heavy-handed lesson for current, Storybrooke Rumpy.
Sidebar: As a mother, of course I mostly don't like that she could leave her boy, just to run off with her lover. I understand some marriages sour into a loveless state, and others, perhaps, never had any love at all. I don't understand how a parent abandons a child. But let's put my self-righteousness aside for a moment. What I really don't understand is Milah's characterization. As soon as she saw Bae in that tavern, she rose to her feet and rushed to his side. She was ashamed, to be sure, but she also struck me as protective. While she was glad to get away from Rumpy and carouse with pirates, the mere sight of her boy was enough to straighten her out and send her home. And then she just leaves? And now -- now she's back saying she feels sorry for leaving him, every single day, and yet -- she hasn't once asked about him. Bah. Maybe I do understand her characterization, and I just don't like her. I guess that's not problematic writing, so I'll stop babbling at you and return to the story because I like what comes .
Sorry isn't enough for Rumpy who lambastes her for letting Bae go. I wonder how much of his anger is self-recrimination. Milah moans that she let her misery cloud her judgment. Rumpy looks her up and down. "Why were you so miserable?" Milah: "Because I never loved you." Rumpy glares at her for a moment, and then shoves his hand into her chest. Jones rushes at them, but Rumpy magically throws him off and ties him to the mast. He pulls out Milah's heart. I miss Graham. Jones yells, "No." The heart glows candy apple red. Jones cuts himself free. A hook falls to the deck. Jones rushes up behind Milah, who leans back on him as she looks at her own heart beating away in the hand of the man she betrayed. Jones lowers her to the deck. She caresses his face, and whispers, "I love you." Rumpy squeezes the heart. Milah gasps her last breath and dies. We watch as the dust that was once her heart spills out of his still clenched fist. He opens his fingers to release it.
Jones' voice is thick. He looks away from Milah's corpse and up at Rumpy. "You may be more powerful now, Demon, but you're no less a coward." Rumpy looks at Jones' clenched left fist and says, "I'll have what I came for, now." Jones says he'll have to kill him, first. Rumpy says that's not in the cards for Jones', unsheathes his sword and slices off Jones' left hand. Jones falls to the deck. There's minimum bloodshed -- just a few drops, really -- which I appreciate, particularly after last week's episode of The Vampire Diaries. Rumpy picks up Jones' hand and tells him he wants him alive, because he wants the pirate to suffer, as he did.
Mustering all his strength, Jones grabs the fallen hook, rises, charges at Rumpy, and plunges the hook into his heart. Rumpy feigns a moan, but says killing him will take more than that. Jones says, "Even demons can be killed. I will find a way." Rumpy says, "Well good luck living long enough," and disappears in a puff of thick, maroon smoke. The hook falls to the deck. Jones bends down and picks it up. Holding it before him, he looks at Milah and then back at the hook.
Storybrooke. Mines. Smee puts Belle in a minecart and handcuffs her to it. He explains about town line amnesia and gives her a flashlight, saying it should help her find the key to the cuffs, which he left at the bottom of the cart. And she's supposed to remember that how, exactly? He wishes her luck and pulls a lever. The cart starts off. Smee ignores Belle's pleas. She fumbles for the key at the bottom of the cart. She finds it, and for a moment I think she's going to save herself, which I would have loved, but then she drops the key to the ground. Suddenly, the cart screeches to a stop and reverses as blue magic pulls it back from whence it came. At the end of her journey, Belle finds Red, Rumpy, and Charming waiting for her. At some point, Mo wanders into view. Red is impressed by Rumpy's power. He opens Belle's cuffs. Charming scoops her out of the cart. Rumpy asks Belle if she's all right and if she remembers who he is. She does, and when she speaks his name, he embraces her, but she gently pushes him off.
Rumpy asks what's wrong. Belle thanks him for saving her, but the fact remains that he is too cowardly to be honest with her. As Rumpy tries to argue his case, Mo interrupts and tells Belle to come with him. Belle: "After what you just tried to do to me? You're no better, Father. You don't get to decide what I do or how I feel. I do. If either of you cared about me, you would have listened. I don't want to see either of you again. Ever." Commercial. No Pitt.
Granny's. Red presents Belle with a plate full of pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, garnished with an orange slice, topped with strawberry. Thanks for making me hungry, show. "This one is a classic. The syrup goes on the pancakes -- the uh, round things -- but I kind of like when it gets on everything." Wordy McYum. Belle thanks Red for the food and for everything. She's welcome to stay at Granny's 'til she's on her feet. Ruby then pulls out a little gift box and tells Belle someone left it for her at the front desk. Inside there's a key. On the ring is a tag that reads, "Library." We cut to the...
Library. Belle unlocks the door and enters, eyes wide. Rumpy emerges from between the stacks and says, "We may sit in our library and yet be in all quarters of the earth." When Belle holds up the key and says he must have given it to her, he admits he heard of her interest and made some inquiries. He informs her there's also a caretaker's apartment. Belle tries to warn him off of any attempt to win her back, but Rumpy says that's not why he's there. He confesses he's a coward and always has been. He collected power to compensate, but the power became important -- so important he couldn't let go, even though it meant losing the most important person in his life -- Baelfire. He tells Belle about his search for Bae, and how it led him to a curse that could take him to the land to which Bae escaped. Once he got to Storybrooke, all he could do was wait for the curse to be broken so he could find him.
Belle wonders why he brought magic to Storybrooke. Rumpy: "Because I'm still a coward." It's become a crutch that he can't walk without. He says even if he could, now he can't leave. Belle makes the connection with the town line amnesia. "...Anyone who leaves forgets the people they love, so when you go to look for Baelfire, you won't know him." Rumpy shakes his head. "Magic comes with a price." He has to break this new curse, which is why he was doing magic in his basement. "I have lost so much that I love, I didn't want to lose you again without you knowing everything." He approaches her and gently takes her face in his hands. "Goodbye, Belle."
Enchanted Present. Cora finds Hook on the same beach Mulan, Aurora, Emma and Snow crossed on their way to the "Haven." Cora greets him, and Hook says, "You told me you had something important you need to show me." Cora produces the beaker full of enchanted wardrobe ash. Inside, the magiconium glows pink, purple and gold, like magiconium is wont to do. Hook: "Sparkly dirt. Wonderful." Cora explains it's the remains of a magical wardrobe that can travel between worlds. Hook wants to know if there's enough to get them where they need to go. Cora smiles. "Not quite, but it's a start." Hook says they're almost ready to set sail, and asks their destination. Cora: "Storybrooke." Hook: "Curious name. Is that where..." Cora finishes: "...She is. And so is he." Hook says, "Excellent. You'll be able to see your daughter, and I can skin myself a crocodile." The two smolder at each other and we cut to the title card.
I missed Emma and Snow this week, which I discuss at length in the recaplet (linked at the top of page 1, if you want to take a look). I'm fresh out of time, so I'll be back Monday morning with coverage of "The Doctor," which promises to be a whale of a tale. I hope to see you, then. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're eagerly polishing our swords and buckling our swash.