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First up, thanks so much to Lulu Bates for covering last week's episode. I laughed all the way through her recap, and I so needed that laugh. Thanks too, to all of you, for your lovely notes of condolence. It's been a rough few months, much eased by you good people.
I like good people. Good people would never kill off my hottie Sheriff. And good people would never spend ten episodes telling and showing me that Emma knows when people are lying to her, and then write an episode at the halfway mark, in which she is not only completely blind to a predictably obvious set-up, but also ditches her trademark skepticism to a degree that is completely out of character. I mean, even the mirrors in my house were screaming out, "Oh c'mon, Emma!" Said mirrors are, by the way, decidedly unmagical (although sometimes, early in the morning, I suspect they are mean masters of the darkest of dark arts). Andrew Chambliss, who has done some sharp work on The Vampire Diaries, co-wrote this episode (with Ian Goldberg, whose work I do not know), so I can only hope that we have been set up as well, and that later we will learn Emma only goes along with Sidney, so that he and Regina will believe her to be an even bigger dupe than she appears in "Fruit of the Poisonous Tree."
Enchanted Forest: Good King Leopold, father of Snow White and husband of Queenie, is walking along the shore, when he happens upon a magic lantern. He wipes it off, like you do, and poof, he is standing face-to-face with the Genie of Agrabah (played by Giancarlo Esposito, i.e. the Magic Mirror/Sidney). Being a generally happy king (and at first, seemingly a bit of a dilly) Leopold has nothing he could wish for, so he uses his first wish to free Genie. He uses his second wish to grant the third wish to Genie. Grateful, Genie swears he will never use that remaining wish, because he has granted 1,0001 wishes and has never seen one that hasn't come back to bite the wisher. Caveat wisher, Your Majesty.
All is not well in Leopold's kingdom. Back at Knifingham Palace, we learn that while Leopold delights in Snow White, he makes no secret of the fact that he still pines for her late mother. Queenie, his second wife, appears to be a perpetual also-ran, when it comes to Leopold's affections. Genie's gratitude to Leopold disappears in a puff of smoke when he meets the fair, young Queenie. It is not long before he makes his move. He gifts her with a sufficiently gaudy mirror and declares her the fairest in the land. I think I am supposed to feel sorry for Queenie during most of her Enchanted Forest scenes this week, but she has thus far proven so duplicitous that I cannot believe for a moment that she ever truly loved the much older Leopold.
In her diary, Queenie gushes about the mirror and how it has reawakened her hope for love and companionship. Leopold finds the diary. He shows it to Genie and asks him to find out who the man is, who has stolen Queenie's heart. Much like Emma's uncharacteristic blind faith in Sidney, this part of the story doesn't work for me, either. When we first meet Leopold on the shore, he seems happy, kind and generous. In his court, he is publicly callous of his second wife's feeling. In this scene, alone in his chamber with Genie, Leopold appears motivated by jealousy and pride -- not love -- because he flat out says he can never love Queenie in the way for which so yearns. Now, the diary entry is rather chaste. Queenie gushes about a mirror, not a steamy affair. If he wants some sort of relationship with his wife, shouldn't he confront her and ask her to work on their marriage? If he is already wise to her wicked ways, why would he not banish her, instead? I know I'm picking nits when I don't even have their full story, yet, but at 23 minutes into the hour, I've been shown at least three different Leopolds and I am unable to engage with his character in any way.
Eventually, Leopold locks Queenie in her chambers. Queenie's father comes to Genie with a locked box and tells him that in that box lies the means to Queenie's freedom. Since Daddy cannot visit daughter, he asks Genie to deliver the box to Queenie. He does. She unlocks it to reveal the Agrabahn Vipers, which can kill with a single bite. Being the Genie of Agrabah, Genie knows all too well of their venom. When Queenie pretends she is going to allow them to bite her and free her to death, Genie stays her hand, and instead proposes using them to kill the king.
Genie brings the vipers to a sleeping Leopold's chamber and sets them loose in the king's bed. They bite Leopold (as wishes always do). As the king lays dying, Genie confesses he gave the mirror to Queenie, but then blathers about being forever in Leopold's debt, which is pretty fricking meaningless, since the king's forever is set to expire in about three seconds. Genie goes on to say that just as Leopold freed Genie, Genie must free Queenie. The king's dying words hammer home the point which was already pounded out the moment Genie laid eyes on Queenie: "You were right. I never should have made a wish."
Queenie has played Genie. The Knifingham Palace guards find the Agrabahn Vipers and who is the natural suspect -- the Genie of Agrabah. Queenie offers Genie safe passage out of the kingdom, and, after pretending otherwise for two seconds, makes it clear she has no feelings for him. Genie doesn't care. He still loves her so, that he decides to use the final wish remaining in the lamp. He wishes to look upon her face forever, and whoooooosh he goes up in smoke and finds himself imprisoned in her mirrors.
Storybrooke: Sidney tells Emma that Regina has had him fired from the paper, and he is so humiliated by that, and by the fact that he lost to Emma in the election Regina forced him to enter, that he is ready to see that the Mayor gets her just deserts. As mentioned above, Emma barely lets herself think that this man who has written slam pieces on her, on more than one occasion, might be setting her up. And of course he is. He gets Emma to go against her better judgment and use less than legal tactics to obtain information on $50,000.00 worth of missing town funds, and the secret lot of forest land upon which she's spent it.
Emma knows she can't use the illegally obtained "evidence" against Regina in a court of law, so she instead decides to use it at a town meeting. She may not be able to get Regina arrested, but she can surely discredit her. Yeah, not so much. Emma ends up discrediting herself. Regina purchased land from Mr. Gold to build a new playground (in the middle of the woods???) for Henry and the children of Storybrooke. By episode's end, Emma still doesn't seem to know she's been had, but I'm hoping I have been had. Really, please, Show. Tell me Emma has been onto Sidney and Regina the whole time. I beg of you.
Anyhow, Regina points out to Emma that she could easily get a restraining order to keep Emma away from Henry, so Emma needs to stay out of his life, unless and until Regina says otherwise. Emma uses one of the walkie-talkies Gold gave her (from Graham's belongings) to let Henry know she has to steer clear of him. She promises, though, to find his Once Upon A Time book, which went missing early on in the episode. Cut to Granny's B&B. The Mysterious Stranger holds the book in his hands.
Emma and Sidney meet up at the diner and discuss "their" failed plans and their alliance. Minutes later, we see Sidney at Regina's office. They reveal they've been playing Emma all along, as if that wasn't clear the whole time. Aren't you just stunned? Blah.
The episode wasn't all bad. The Enchanted Forest and Storybrooke plots worked particularly well together, this week. I'll hit all that in the full recap. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the forum, where there are even mirrors on the ceiling.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Storybrooke: Henry rides his bike to the castle at the waterfront park. He blasts right past Emma, who is there to meet him. The castle was damaged in last week's storm. Henry's freaking out, because he buried the Once Upon A Time book, in a red lock-box, under the play structure. Emma thinks it's weird to bury the book at the park, but Henry wants to keep it away from Regina, because she is the Evil Queen, duh. She'd definitely find it, if he hid it in his room. When Emma suggests hiding it at her place, Henry points out that's the second place she'd look. Don't feel bad, Henry. Adults totally suck at Operation Cobra-like operations. That's why you're in charge. Henry figures the castle is safe, because Regina doesn't know he comes there. But not so fast, kiddo. Here's Regina now, and she's ordering your little butt into her car. Regina stops to sneer at Emma, and disses her rival's concern for their son, since Emma would let him play near an obvious hazard like the now-ruined castle. Emma sneers back. Same shit. Different day.
Granny's Diner: Emma complains to Mary Margaret that Regina is all up in her business with Henry. Mary, being too good to be true (at least when she's not kissing men she believes to be married to women other than herself, even when that's not the case) suggests that Regina is just jealous of Henry and Emma's relationship. It's not long before Mary has to take off though, because she gets a text from David tell her to meet him at "our spot." Tsk tsk! Married people, going to meet up with each other. I don't care, y'all. I am so not going to be mad at the actual spouses for hooking up with each other, even if they don't yet know their married to each other and think they're married to someone else. True love conquers all, in these stories. And Rumpy says love is the most powerful magic of all. These two have to get their smoochies on, to help weaken the curse. Stop judging me!
Once Mary is gone, a drunken Sidney Glass (the Magic Mirror) stumbles up to Emma and says, "I can grant your wish." He exposits that Regina got him fired from his job, and humiliated him by making him run for sheriff, so he is totally ready to expose her for the witch she truly is. Emma is all, "Sleep it off, sucker," but before she leaves, Sidney hands her his card and tells her to call him.
Enchanted Forest: The Genie of Agrabah (oh ABC, how you do love to pimp your parent company) is, like Sidney and the Magic Mirror, played by the lovely and talented Giancarlo Esposito, so they're all the same character. Get it? Got it? Good. He is trapped in a magical lamp, but surely used the same decorator that did Jeannie used for her I Dream of Jeannie genie bottle. My last year I believed in Santa Claus (I was only four or five), I was already pretty strongly in doubt of his existence, so to test him, I asked Santa to bring me a replica of Jeannie's bottle that was big enough for me to play in. He didn't. Fat jerk. Where was I?
Right. The story. Okay. So Genie is hanging out in his well-appointed prison, when it starts shaking. Outside, on the shore, Good King Leopold (father of Snow White and husband to Queenie) picks up the lamp. When he wipes it off, Genie appears in a puff of smoke, and he has so had it with this job. He is obviously bored with his spiel as he introduces himself and schools Leopold on the rules: You get three wishes. You can't wish for more wishes, nor can you wish for life, death or love. And? Once a wish has been granted, it cannot be undone, regardless of consequences.
King Leopold (played by an ill-used Richard Schiff) is at first, as I noted in the recaplet, a bit of a dilly, and seems to be a happy dilly, who claims he wants for nothing but everyone who set foot in his kingdom to likewise be happy. So then wish for that, you tool. He doesn't. Instead, when he learns Genie has been trapped in that lamp for like ever, Leo wishes Genie free. Ally for life, right? Not so much, but we'll get to that soon enough.
Leo's second wish is to transfer his third wish to Genie. Quickly doing the math, Genie says that in his life, he has granted 1,001 wishes and they never end well. "Making a wish comes with a price, and that is why I will never use this wish." And this is when I know how Genie gets turned into the Magic Mirror and decided the Enchanted Forest storyline is not worth my time, this week. Damn fool is gonna wish himself stuck. Leo praises Genie's wisdom and asks what he will do with his freedom. Genie says he will find what has always eluded him: true love. Leopold invites him back to his palace, and says maybe he'll find true love there. Oh, and now I know the rest of the Enchanted Forest storyline. Great. I'm never getting back this hour of my life.
At Knifingham Palace, Genie says the digs are as lovely as Leopold is kind. What an insult! Oh, wait. He truly thinks that monstrosity is lovely? It's the stuff of nightmares! Leo introduces Genie to Snow and then to Regina, whose Enchanted Forest name turns out to be Regina (at least once she's queen, we'll see if it's the same when she's revealed to be the miller's daughter). When she smiles, she makes eyes at Genie, and he is instantly smitten.
Storybrooke: Henry watches in heartbreak, as a town crew dismantles the play castle. When Emma shows up, Henry realizes his book is gone, too. Emma congratulates Regina on destroying the one thing their son loves. Regina tells Emma to learn her place in this town, or she won't soon be in it. Has she not said a variation of the same threat in nearly every episode? Come on, Show. I'm not even going to get good dialogue this week? Great. As soon as Regina leaves, Emma takes out her phone and calls Sidney. She tells him she is "in." She wants everyone to know who Regina truly is.
T(r)oll Bridge: Mary Margaret finds David waiting for her. He leads her off into the forest for a little adulterous picnic lunch. They kiss and Mary says they have to have to stop and figure out what they're doing. David says they will, tomorrow. Mary pauses only for a moment and then smiles. "Okay. Tomorrow." The kissing resumes. Yay! (Stop judging me. That said, I am pretending they are not having the sex.)
Emma drives through a culvert. She parks near the opening of it, and Sidney wanders into view. Emma is ready to listen to whatever dirt he has on Regina. He says $50,000.00 is missing from the budget. When Emma isn't impressed, he insists the missing funds are the key to Regina's downfall. I groan when he says all they need is a "crack in the mirror" to show everyone what Regina truly is. I mean, really. Emma asks what Sidney's plan is. He tells her to dip into her bail bondswoman bag of tricks, but Emma says she's got to be responsible. As sheriff, she has to play by the book. Sidney nods, but says eventually Regina will know Emma is onto her. "Are you prepared for her wrath?" Emma says, "Oh, yeah." Sidney: "I wasn't." Emma then asks him, "If you thought she was so terrifying, how did you allow yourself to end up in her pocket?" Sidney: "I used to think she was a different person."
Sidebar: Okay, if you read the recaplet, you'll know I did a whole lot of ranting about Emma being too dumb to live, because [SPOILER] this all turns out to be a set-up by Sidney and Regina, meant to humiliate Emma, and it will. But, upon subsequent viewings, I am struck by Jennifer Morrison's acting in this episode. She is even sterner and more low-key than usual, particularly during her scenes with Regina and Sidney. I think, or at least hope, that thanks to her "super power" -- Emma is onto Sidney and Regina from the get-go, and that we will find this out, later on in the season. Okay, call me delusional. It wouldn't be the first time.
Enchanted Forest, Knifingham Palace, Night, Leopold's Birthday Feast: Leopold gives a birthday speech, in which he says that he needs no gifts, because all would pale in comparison to his daughter, Snow. He then goes on to sing the praises of his late wife, Snow's mother. "Who like you, truly was the fairest in all the land." Regina, who has been watching with tears in her eyes, quietly leaves the banquet hall. Genie, who has been watching her the whole time, follows her outside.
In the shadow of Regina's apple tree, bathed in the light of a full moon, Genie listens as Queenie confesses that she is trapped in her marriage. No matter what she does, Leopold will never love her the way he loves his deceased first wife. Now, I think Queenie was putting on her crocodile tears back in the banquet hall, and is doing so now, in order to win Genie's heart and his help. While I believe she feels trapped in this marriage, I don't think she gives a Mickey Mouse ear about Leopold's love. I don't believe she ever has. I think sister is bad to the bone, even at this point in the timeline. That said, it really sucks how Leopold praised his late wife, and his daughter, but made no mention of his current wife. I really hope he already knows she is bad. And yet, if he does already know she is bad, why, in his first scene with Genie, did he appear to be as content as he claimed to be?
Anyhow, Regina's sob story works on Genie, who says he knows about being trapped. He pulls an ornate mirror out of his genie pants (no, really) and gives it to Regina, so she can see herself as he sees her. When Regina asks how he sees her, Genie says, "As the fairest in all the land." Dupe.
Storybrooke, Mary Margaret's Hovel: Mary returns from her assignation to find Emma and Sidney working on their plan. Emma insists she wants to do everything the right way, but there's no way they could find a judge who isn't already in Regina's clutches, because...um...Storybrooke has its own legal system. Um? Sidney suggests they do thing his way, aka the wrong way, because it's okay to do bad things for a good reason. Mary blurts out that she totally agrees. Emma sinks in her chair and accuses them of rationalizing. Shut up, Emma. Shut up, Show. Shut up, Readers. Mary and David are NOT doing anything wrong. They just think they are. La la la. I can't hear you. Sidney plays the Henry-card and says they have to do something. Emma suggests they start by talking to Regina.
Regina's Office: Regina refers to Sidney as the "disgraced ex-reporter" which, in my opinion, is an even bigger tip-off that she and Sidney are in cahoots. She is trying too hard, here. Anyhow, Emma tells Regina about the missing funds, and the missing records that could/would document what has happened to that money. Regina says she probably checked out the records and if she checked them out three weeks ago, they burned in the fire that helped Emma win the sheriff's election. Smiling, she adds, "I have nothing to hide."
Emma leans over the desk and stares at Regina's face. When I first watched this scene, I thought she was trying to activate her lie-detection "super power." And now, despite what else Emma is really doing (which I'll get to in a minute) I again think that's true. I really think Emma knows she is being set-up and is setting up Sidney and Regina, in return. Delusional? Perhaps. But it's helping me get this recap with minimal bitterness, so I don't care. Just watch Emma's face here as she tells Regina, "Okay." Listen to her voice as she says, "There's nothing for us to do. Let's go, Sidney." When Sidney protests, watch the sidelong look Emma gives him as she walks past him and through the door. Listen to how clipped she is, when she says, "No. She's right. We have nothing."
Outside Sidney berates Emma's plan. "I thought you were going to do something." Emma never looks at him. She just says, "I did. I planted a bug. You win, Sidney. Let's do whatever it takes." Now, granted all my rationalizing about her demeanor may just be that, but I believe in her super power. Oh and to the people in the forum who are complaining about Emma's hair looking so good, given her job, to you, I also say, "Pshaw." She is a fairy tale princess, and daughter of same. Beautiful hair is clearly another one of her super powers. So there.
Enchanted Forest, Knifingham Palace: I am bored by and frustrated with Leopold, so I'm largely plagiarizing my coverage of this scene. Leo summons Genie to his chamber and says he has reason to believe Regina has given her heart to another man. He shows Genie the diary entry, in which Queenie gushes about the mirror and how it has reawakened her hope for love and companionship. Leopold asks Genie to find out who the man is, who has stolen Queenie's heart.
This part of the story doesn't work for me. When we first meet Leopold on the shore, he seems happy, kind and generous. In his court, he is publicly callous of his second wife's feelings. In this scene, Leopold appears motivated by jealousy, or at least pride -- not love -- because he flat out admits to Genie that he can never love Queenie in the way for which so yearns. Now, the diary entry is rather chaste. Queenie gushes about a mirror, not a steamy affair. If he wants some sort of relationship with his wife, shouldn't he confront her and ask her to work on their marriage? If he is already wise to her wicked ways, why would he not banish her, instead? I know I'm picking nits when I don't even have their full story, yet, but at 23 minutes into the hour, I've been shown at least three different Leopolds and I am unable (and disinclined) to engage with his character in any way.
I do agree with the people in the forum who have been speculating on how Leopold came by this diary. I suspect Queenie wrote the entry intentionally, to set up both Leopold and Genie. She probably gave it to her father who either left it in a place where Leopold would be sure to find it, or perhaps the father even brought it to Leopold, or had another servant do so. I mean, since Leopold is unable to love Queenie in the way he thinks she wants, would he even care enough about her to snoop in her diary? Anyhow, when Genie asks what the king will do to Regina's mystery admirer, Leopold says that is his concern, not Genie's. Kinder people than I have suggested he would have let Regina leave with her mystery lover. I don't think so, if for no other reason than, were that the case, it seems to me Leopold would reveal that by episode's end, with his [SPOILER] dying words to Genie.
Storybrooke, Sheriff's Office: Emma comes in to find Sidney monitoring the feed from the bug Emma planted under Regina's desk. He plays a section of the recording (on a tape cassette recorder!) in which Regina is making plans to bring a cash payment to Access Road 23 (Hi, Lost fans), that night. Emma says a payoff in the woods sounds promising. Sidney and Emma set out to find out just whom Regina is meeting.
They follow Regina out to the woods, but then the brakes in the sheriff's cruiser fail. Emma guides the car to a relatively gentle crash. When they get out of the car, Sidney crouches down to the front, passenger-side tire and tells Emma he thinks Regina found the bug she planted, because someone has been tampering with the brakes. "She's onto us." Emma charges off into the woods. "That bitch tried to have me killed. I'm finding her." When Sidney suggests caution, Emma's all, "To hell with that."
Who should appear in the woods then? Mr. Gold. He's carrying a briefcase and readily admits Regina was meeting him to complete a business transaction. Sidney asks what's in the case. Gold: "Everything comes with a price. Land is no different." Regina has just purchased the very land they're standing on. Gold tries to cluestick Emma about being out in the woods with Mr. Glass. Sidney takes umbrage and says, "You don't know what she did to us. You don't know what she did to her son..."
Sidebar: And this is when my delusions about Emma being onto Sidney and Regina finally coalesce. What, exactly, did Regina do to her son? Okay, she tore down the castle play structure and that does break Henry's heart, and piss off Emma, but she tore it down only after the storm wrecked a good portion of it. Don't get me wrong. I think Regina is evil to the core. And I understand that this episode's main theme is all about not following your heart if and when your brain and conscience are screaming for you to do otherwise. But, while Emma loves Henry, Regina's grand crime in this episode seems relatively benign. The castle was falling apart. Regina had a point about it being dangerous. True, Regina could have had it repaired, but at this point, Emma doesn't know if Regina has any plans to replace it with anything. And? I think Emma is smart enough to realize Sidney is laying it on awfully thick where Henry is concerned, despite her disdain for Regina and her love of Henry. Right? Please?
Anyhow, Sidney takes umbrage and says he and Emma, "...can't just sit idly by." Gold says: "Of course you can." As he hobbles off, he adds, "Be careful. Emotional entanglements can lead us down very dangerous paths." Emma's expression makes it clear she takes these words to heart, and my delusions start to crumble, so la la la-let's go to commercial.
Enchanted Forest, Knifingham Palace, Day: Genie cuts down an apple from Regina's pet tree, and is just about to enjoy a slice when Regina's father appears. Genie was expecting his secret wannabe lovah, but Father Henry explains that the king has imprisoned Regina in her chamber. Genie is taken aback that this servant is Queenie's father, but he doesn't have time to think about that, because Daddy-Someday-Deadest presents Genie with a locked box and tells him that in that box lies the means to Queenie's freedom. Since Daddy (claims he) cannot visit daughter, he asks Genie to deliver the box to Queenie. There's been a lot of discussion in our forum as to whether or not Leopold has truly locked Queenie in her chamber, or whether she's pulling one over on Genie. I think this is unimportant, but my inclination is to believe Queenie has engineered this entire set-up, including her own detention.
Storybrooke, Night, Mayor's Office: Emma and Sidney drive up to City Hall in her little yellow bug. Emma breaks a window. The alarm sounds. She does the math for Sidney about how long they have to search for evidence before Regina is alerted by the alarm company, shows up, and busts them (six minutes). Emma heads right for Regina's computer. She inserts a USB stick into the drive and calls up all files related to the tract of land Regina just bought from Gold. And then, trying to prove to me that she is too fricking stupid to live, Emma starts printing out all those documents, even though she just put a USB stick in the drive, and so she could download the files, take them home, and print them out somewhere else where she is far less vulnerable to detection. Ms. Head? Meet Ms. Desk. Thunk thunk thunk.
While rifling through Regina's desk, Emma also finds a large key ring, loaded with the keys that must open all those heart-vaults she has hidden under her father's crypt, right? Emma takes notices of them, but only barely, because she's focused on finding Henry's Once Upon A Time book. It's not long before Regina shows up and confronts Emma and Sidney. Emma lies that Sidney saw some kids break into City Hall and called her. Regina doesn't seem fooled, but she lets Sidney and Emma get away with it, which should be another huge tip-off for Emma.
Enchanted Forest, Knifingham Palace: Genie delivers the box to Queenie. She's soooooooooooo in love with him she cannot stand it. Oh, bitch. Please! She blathers about there being no escape. Genie presents her with the box and says her daddy says it holds the key to her freedom. Regina unlocks it to reveal the Agrabahn Viper, which can kill with a single bite, so it's basically overkill, since it has two heads, and hence two mouths, and more hence-ing -- two sets of fangs. What's more important is that it is the worst bit of CGI I have seen on this show, so far. The clunky CGI in the Enchanted Forest usually doesn't bother me. I sort of like it, usually, because it adds to the surreal quality of our Fairy Tale Universe, but this is just insulting. Anyhow, being the Genie of Agrabah, Genie knows all too well of the viper's venom. When Queenie pretends she is going to allow it to bite her and free her...to death, Genie stays her hand, and instead proposes using the viper to kill the king. Regina pretends she is all shocked that Genie would do this for her, but c'mon.
Storybrooke, Granny's Diner: The MYSTERIOUS STRANGER finds Henry furiously scribbling away. He's making notes of what he can remember from his lost book. The MYSTERIOUS STRANGER says, "Must be a hell of a book." And okay, my pet theory is not unique, but still, I'll sum it up. I think the MYSTERIOUS STRANGER is probably the little boy who found Emma, and I also think he has an enchanted typewriter, and that enchanted typewriter probably enabled him to write the Once Upon A Time book, and he has an inkling that it's fact, not fiction. Anyhow, when the MYSTERIOUS STRANGER asks Henry what the book's all about, Henry is all, "Stuff." Henry wants to know why the MYSTERIOUS STRANGER is in Storybrooke and doesn't buy his explanation that he's there for writing inspiration. "You can write, anywhere. What are you really doing here?" The MYSTERIOUS STRANGER replies, "Stuff," wishes Henry luck with his stories, and saunters off.
Sheriff's Office: Sidney and pore over the documents they stole from City Hall. There's an escrow statement with Regina's name on it, and Sidney declares it proof. Emma finds blueprints and can't imagine what Regina is building out in the woods. Sidney says it doesn't matter. The bank documentation is Regina's undoing. Emma suffers a conscience attack and blathers that this evidence is fruit of the poisonous tree. No court will accept it, because it was illegally obtained. Sidney points out that they don't need her to go to jail. They just need to prove to the town what Regina is and how she ruins everything everyone loves. He then shows her a file of surveillance photos of Henry and Emma at the castle structure and says Regina was just waiting to destroy their special place until the moment it would most hurt Henry and Emma.
City Council Meeting: Sidney interrupts the Mayor to say he has something to present. Emma backs him up. Regina tries to shut them down, but when Emma accuses her of stealing thousands of dollars to build herself a second home, the townsfolk grumble. Emma presents her "evidence." Regina is smugness itself as she concedes Emma's accusations and then explains she was building a house -- a playhouse -- a new castle-like play structure, for Henry and the children of Storybrooke. "So there you have it, Ms. Swan. You've exposed me for who I really am. I hope you're satisfied." I don't want to take the time or effort to criticize the Show about whether or not Regina did all this behind the back of the City Council. For me, it's easier to accept/assume that she did everything the right way (i.e. got permission from the Council) and then hid the evidence of her due diligence, so that she could set up Emma. Throughout this scene, Gold cringes for Emma. At the climax, Sidney acts properly chagrinned, as if he too has been fooled.
Enchanted Forest, Knifingham Palace, King's Chamber, Night: Genie brings the worst ever CGI viper to a sleeping Leopold's chamber, whispers, "Forgive me," (for that CGI? Nevah!!!!) and then sets the viper loose in the king's bed. The two heads bite both sides of Leopold's neck (as wishes always do). As the king lays dying, Genie confesses he gave the mirror to Queenie, but then blathers about being forever in Leopold's debt, which is pretty fricking meaningless, since the king's forever is set to expire in about three seconds. Genie goes on to say that just as Leopold freed Genie, Genie must free Queenie. The king's dying words hammer home the point which was already pounded out the moment Genie laid eyes on Queenie: "You were right. I never should have made a wish."
City Hall, Exterior, Day: Gold approaches Sidney and Emma, who are watching Regina from a safe distance. Gold tells Emma that she needs a strong ally in her efforts to take down Regina. Emma's all, "Thanks, but no thanks." Regina approaches, tells Sidney to take a hike, and then lays the smack down on Emma. She needs to stop breaking the law and uphold it, as is her duty. And even though Emma contends that she knows Regina is bad to the bone, Regina doesn't care. Emma needs to understand Regina now has enough reason to swear out a restraining order against her, where Henry is concerned. "You don't get to see my son unless I say so. And right now? I don't say so."
The new play structure (in the middle of the freaking woods) is a miniature of Knifingham Palace. Insert here a bunch of forum complaints that Emma couldn't tell the difference between plans for a house and plans for a glorified jungle gym. Emma is parked out on the access road, watching Henry and the other kids play. Over poor, beautiful, dead Graham's walkie-talkies, mother and son talk. Henry assumes she's staying away because of Operation Cobra -- some undercover something or other. Emma tells him she screwed up, and needs to stay away from him for a while, or Regina will make things worse for them. She tells him they'll have to be apart for a bit, but she'll find a way back in, and if it's out there, she will find his book. Henry says, "Good luck. It's probably gone. And it's probably never coming back." Henry's face is forlorn, as he watches Emma drive off.
Granny's B&B: The MYSTERIOUS STRANGER breaks the lock on the red lock-box and opens it to reveal Henry's copy of Once Upon A Time. He picks it up. We cut to...
Granny's Diner: Sidney is drinking at the counter/bar/disco when Emma finds him. They wallow in their failure for a moment. Sidney says there are many more skeletons in Regina's closet. "And the good news? You've got yourself an ally." They raise their glasses of beer and clink. Emma: "We won't get fooled again." Cue an earworm from The Who, one which is five days old, and counting.
Enchanted Forest, Knifingham Palace: Genie goes to Queenie, to tell her the deed is done. They are free to be together, at last. Bad news, Genie, Queenie played you. Oh she pretends otherwise, but c'mon. She tells him the Knifingham Palace guards found the Agrabahn Viper. Who is the natural suspect? Why, the Genie of Agrabah, but of course. Queenie offers Genie safe passage out of the kingdom, and, after pretending otherwise for two seconds, makes it clear she has no feelings for him. "I wanted the king killed, and you killed him. You are no longer of any use to me. Be grateful I am offering you an escape. Now flee the kingdom and never turn back." Genie doesn't care. He still loves her so, that he decides to use the final wish remaining in the lamp. He wishes to be with her, look upon her face, and never leave her side -- forever, and whoooooosh he goes up in smoke and finds himself imprisoned in her mirrors. When Regina picks up the mirror Genie gave to her, she covers her smile with her hand. "Well, it looks like you've got your wish. You will be with me. Forever." The muahahahahaha is implied.
City Hall: The big non-reveal. Sidney and Regina have been working together the whole time. Sidney plays a recording for her of his most recent convo with Emma. Regina congratulates Sidney and hands him an apple as his reward. They revel in the fact that Regina will now know Emma's every move. Regina puts her hand on Sidney's leg. "I don't know what I'd ever do without you, Sidney." Sidney raises an eyebrow, and we fade to black.
While this episode may well be important in the future, nothing in it made it worth the watch, for the nonce. I know it's contrary to the structure of this series, but I can't help but think we would have been better served, had Genie's story been revealed slowly, over the course of a few episodes. And while I'm more than happy to be fooled by the writers (hey, I covered Lost for a couple of seasons, and yet still manage to be happy I watched it all the way through), in this particular series, it makes no sense for Emma to be dumber than a box of hair. If you're fooling me through her -- if she is playing a long con on Sidney and Regina, and more importantly, the audience, I will be happy in the long run, but in the short run, I still feel this episode wasn't worth an hour of my life.
I'll be back Monday morning with our upcoming episode, based on that tale as old as time/song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast. My sister-in-law wanted that to be her wedding song. It wasn't, but I'm sure you'll not be surprised to learn she is now my ex-sister-in-law. Anyhow, and in the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the forum, where there are even mirrors on the ceiling.