Close-up of a prescription bottle and water glass on a bedside table. The camera pans slowly left, and a bedraggled Karen comes into view. She's staring vacantly as she voice-overs, "When you don't want to do anything, but you have to, what you do is make manageable pictures." Cut to Soliloquy Karen, nodding matter-of-factly, and saying, "For example: getting up."
"Mom! We're out of milk!" Jessie yells up from the kitchen. Eli grumbles that they're out of everything. Unconcerned, he says he swears Karen doesn't eat when they're not there. Jessie quickly insists that she does. Eli mentions that he came in late the night before, and Karen didn't even seem to notice, even though she was still up: "She didn't even give me that hurt look I've been getting since I was six." Jessie asks what Karen did, then. Eli unscrews the cap on the orange juice and mutters, "Nothin'," before taking a huge swig straight from the container. Because he's a rebel. All you have to do is look at his wannabe-rockabilly shirt to know it.
Upstairs, Karen slowly struggles to an upright position as she voice-overs, "You wait for the set of pictures." Soliloquy Karen looks up at us and adds, "And hope that they come." The camera pans up and back, and Soliloquy Karen becomes very small, teetering on the Stool up in the corner of our screens. Teeny little Soliloquy Karen says, "You're not supposed to feel like this."
Karen bustles into the kitchen, smiling far too brightly and exclaiming, "Good morning!" It's like she gave herself a small pep rally just outside the door. She reaches into the fridge for coffee, and Jessie informs her that there's no milk. Karen's ebullience fades. This statement of Jessie's was unexpected. It takes Karen a second to compute. She mumbles that she'll go to the market. She tries to get her pitch up again, saying that she'll pick up the stuff to make pizza, too. Behind her, Eli and Jessie try to sound psyched, but they fall flat. Karen stares at the coffee maker for a second and then sighs, foggily saying that Eli can't make pizza since he has to work later. Hazy, she turns and looks at him for confirmation. Eli looks blank for a second -- okay, more so than usual -- and then catches on, stammering that she's right, yes, in fact, he does have to work because he does have a job. Yep. A job. Gainful employment, that's right. Karen appears to be half-listening. After a second, she slowly turns back to the coffee maker, saying she'll get the stuff anyway and they can make pizza time the kids are over. "Yeah, that's great!" Eli oversells. He can't quite keep up the enthusiasm as he adds, "I wouldn't want to miss it." The front door closes, and Jessie and Eli sigh a relived "Dad!" They fly over to greet Rick. In the background, Rick looks up from hugging Jessie and asks Karen for a favor. Karen physically braces herself against the counter, sinking under the weight of this unexpected onslaught. With her back still facing Rick, she stares straight ahead with deadened eyes, just wanting to make it through this and for all of them to get the hell out of there already.
Soliloquy Karen describes the experience: "Picture 'stop.'" Picture 'listen.'"
Karen stands there at the counter, looking as if she could tumble over at any second, and struggles to follow Rick's words as he asks whether Jessie could come for the night on Thursday instead of Friday because he and Lily have plans. Karen responds that she and Jessie are going to Fields, some department store that has its winter clothes on sale. Jessie and Rick bombard her with alternatives to that scenario, while Karen tries not to scream and light her hair on fire. Rick trails off, but Jessie approaches Karen slowly, talking softly as though she were moving toward a dangerous, unpredictable animal. She suggests that she and Karen could go shopping on Thursday, and they could make pizza Friday, which means Jessie could stay with her both nights. Karen doesn't light up like you'd expect.
Soliloquy Karen explains: "Sometimes you can't make the pictures, so you count to get through. One...two...."
Karen makes herself take a breath and says, "Okay," with affected excitement. She forces herself to turn and face them. She puts a smile on her face. "Great!" she says through it. Jessie relaxes and smiles, giving Karen a hug. Rick watches Karen closely, evaluating. He says a cautious thanks. As he and Jessie leave, Karen's smile slides. Her face glazes over, and she finally finishes making the coffee.
Dude, I need a nap just from watching that. And now that you mention it, a cup of coffee, too.
We fade over to Karen at her therapist's office. That's right. Her therapist's office. He's okay, but he's no Dr. Wise-Ass. Although, with the ears he's got, he should be a decent listener. Slap on a hunting cap and a speech impediment, and you're basically looking at Elmer Fudd. Karen relates that her mother also suffered from bouts of depression, although as kids, she and her sisters didn't know that's what it was. They always referred to it as, "Mom's resting." Dr. Fudd asks if her mother got help, and Karen snorts at the idea, saying, "My mother made her own ketchup. She was very self-reliant." Ah, so Karen's a splinter off the old ass-pole. The Fudd asks how her father handled it, and it turns out that he didn't. Dr. Fudd then asks how Rick handled Karen's down times. Karen struggles to remember for a second and then says, "He made models. He'd go into the basement and make perfect, little architectural models." Dr. Fudd smirks, "So you've had a lot of support for your emotional life over the years, huh?" Karen allows herself a chuckle. He asks how it's going with her "meds." She says she can't tell, but she's felt "some fatigue," she's not hungry at all, and she gets dizzy. Dr. Fudd replies, "Fun, huh? And we don't even know if that's the side effects or the depression, but if you can stick with this, these things go away." Karen doesn't look wholly convinced. She stares off for a moment and says, choking up, "I want to remember...what it felt like when things mattered." "Exactly. How would you feel about going up fifty milligrams? It's one more blue pill." Karen sighs and wryly says, "One pill makes you taller." "One pill makes you small," the doc says, smiling. Karen asks where all of it is leading -- whether she'll wake up one morning and "everything will be wonderful." She sounds dubious. The doctor smiles and shares an old saying from those wascally wussians: "If you wake up morning and feel no pain, then you know you're dead." Karen chuckles through her sniffling and tries to buck up, because if the Russians can do it, anybody can. The doc does his part by handing her a new prescription.
Cut to Manning Manor, where we're hiding around the side of the garage, behind the garbage bins, so we can watch Rick's truck pull into the driveway. Cut to Rick wheeling the bins along the side of the garage. He stops. Pricks up his ears. Looks perplexed. Decides that the sound, which can only be described as guitar homicide, is definitely coming from the garage. He leaves the bins where they are so that he can investigate.
Inside the garage, he finds Eli viciously attacking a defenseless instrument. He rolls his eyes and closes the door loudly. Eli looks up from the slaughter with surprise, alarm, and guilt flashing across his face. He asks Rick why he's home. Rick moves into the room and wearily says he forgot some sketches. He idly picks up a CD case and strolls around with it, trying to remain calm and avoiding looking at the deadbeat. He asks if Eli has the day off. "Not literally," Eli admits. Rick puts down the case and looks at Eli. "Then what are you doing home?" he asks quietly. Eli takes a deep breath and confesses that he got fired. Rick registers the news and sinks under the weight of his disappointment. He asks when. "Three weeks ago. And two days," Eli says, shifting his eyes around. Reeling, Rick asks when Eli was going to bother telling him. "Now?" Eli says, lamely, with a desperate attempt at a chuckle. Yeah, you're well past the age of "cute," my boy. Rick thinks so, too. He sits there, head hanging, trying to make sense of it. "Dad?" Eli asks. Nothing. "Dad, are you okay?" Rick can't look at him. He dazedly shakes his head and hooks his thumb at the door, muttering, "I have to get these sketches to the office." He gets up and leaves without a glance. Time to make the models....
Cut to the high school, where it's between classes. Jessie strolls down a staircase, and a dorky little guy comes flying up behind her, wondering if he can ask her something. His burning question? "Will you have sex with me?" Jessie doesn't even break her stride. "Okay," she says easily. Tickledick slows a bit and blinks hard, dumb-assing, "Are you serious?" Jessie finally stops and piles urgency onto her voice: "Yes, but it has to be today." Too bad Numbnuts suddenly has a basketball practice that he can't get out of. That, and he just wet his pants. Jessie offers an unconcerned "Sorry," and floats off down the hall. Toehead follows her for a few steps and calls out, "Jessie, you're a fox!" And you're going to be palming it awhile, son, if that's the best you've got. His idiot friends agree. Jessie rolls her eyes and doesn't look back. She passes Katie, who heard the boy make an ass of himself. Katie follows Jessie to her locker, looking intrigued and somewhat territorial. Katie flings herself up against the locker to Jessie's with a casual "Hey." Jessie asks her if all guys are idiots, or "if girls just mature earlier." Katie smiles, "Boys never mature. You should see my brothers." She changes the subject by holding out a CD and saying, "I got you something." She explains that it's Billie Holiday, whose music an uncle introduced to Katie when she "was still a Brownie." I'd think that were cool if she hadn't made such a point of it. Jessie asks who Billie Holiday is, and Katie explains that she's "this amazing singer. And anything bad that could happen to someone happened to her." Katie grabs the brush in Jessie's locker and starts stroking her hair with it, dreamily saying, "She always wore a white gardenia in her hair." Jessie grins and says it's so nice of Katie to give her the CD. Katie slows her brushing and stares intently at Jessie, saying that she thought of Jessie when she was listening to it the other day. She stares just a second longer than necessary, and Jessie looks down into her bag to break the look. Katie gets it and says, "Well...I gotta go." She slips the brush back in Jessie's locker and strides away. "Thank you for this!" Jessie calls after her, smiling.
Over at Karen's place, Eli shuts the front door loudly and strides into the kitchen to drink yet more liquid straight from the container. He turns around and finds Karen in the doorway, looking at him. Startled, he lowers the carton and sighs, "Dad must've called." "Three weeks," Karen grits. "You lied for three weeks!" Eli protests that he didn't lie. He just, er, didn't actually tell the truth. He tries to explain what a lie is, as if she needs his help with vocabulary. Karen shouts, "What do you think is going on here?" Veins pop. Eyes bulge. She's wild. The ass-pole whoops. "Well, I'm not sure, but I think you're gonna tell me!" Eli hollers. Karen yells that she's tired of all this, while Eli yells that she should just tell him he's an irresponsible loser, like she wants to. Karen cries that she doesn't have the strength to tell him one more thing. Eli bangs his hand on the counter. "Then why don't you just write me off? If that's what you want to do, why don't you just get it over with?" Karen looks as if he struck her. They eye one another for a second, breathing hard, before Karen, struggling to keep her voice level, says he should just go. "What?" Eli says disbelievingly. She repeats that he should just get out, because she can't take him living there any longer. "You want me out of here?" Eli repeats, his voice cracking. She repeats it one more time. Eli throws up his hands and mutters, "Oh, this is great." "Get out, Eli!!" Karen wails so hard, I half expect her lungs to come launching out of her throat. Eli shouts that he'll get his stuff, but Karen's hot on his heels, giving him the bum's rush and yelling all the while. Eli slams out, and Karen screams at the door, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Somehow, the hinges hold. Karen slams her fist against the door and breaks down. I mean, even more.
We return from commercials to find Karen sitting in her van, staring vacantly. There's knock on the frost-covered passenger window, which yanks her back to reality. Judy wipes off the window and smiles in at Karen. As Judy fumbles to climb inside, Karen takes a deep breath and refrains from beating her head against the steering wheel. She puts a smile on her face by the time Judy's in the van. Judy clutches a bag of groceries and says she's been concerned about Karen -- she's called her three times in the past day and can't get a hold of her. Karen understates that things have been "a little chaotic" at her place. Judy says she's having some girlfriends (who knew she had any?) over on Friday for "cheeseless pizza" and Sex and the City. Karen says it sounds great. "Does it?" Judy asks, smiling but doubtful. Karen assures her that it does. Judy stops smiling and looks earnest. "How are the meds?" she asks gently. Karen's smiles fades slowly. She nods her head and looks out the windshield, exhaling loudly. "That was abrupt," she mutters. "Life is short," Judy says. She asks if Karen's having side effects. Karen says she's a little spacey and dizzy. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep for the first month," Judy admits, which grabs Karen's attention. She looks more closely at Judy. Judy adds that the pills cut her sex drive, too, "which was actually kind of a blessing." She laughs. Karen deadpans, "Well, that wouldn't be a side effect for me. For me, it would be a side effect to have a libido." She smiles wryly and her eyes go a little unfocused. She says she has to go pick up Jessie, and Judy tells her to call about Friday, "or about anything." She departs with, "Hang in there, okay hon?" Karen tells herself to smile and wave, but as soon as the door closes, she returns to zombie mode.
Later that evening, Karen's mini-van is cruising down a slushy street, with Katie and Jessie giggling their heads off in the back seat. I hate teenage girls when they're like that. But anyway, Jessie's all into whispering to Katie behind her hand and letting Karen know that she's not one of them. Karen adjusts the rearview mirror and tries to engage them by asking if Jessie can expect a lot more homework in the eleventh grade. Jessie thinks her mom is such a dink. She rolls her eyes and shoves her sucker in her mouth with disdain, mortified that Katie even has to answer such a lame question. Katie says you get used to the work pretty fast. Jessie immediately claps her hand to Katie's ear to do more whispering and giggling. Karen asks what's so funny, not realizing that she's hopelessly contaminated with Lame-Ass Mom cooties. Jessie tells her it's private, as if she should know better. Karen tries again, asking about some boy she saw when she picked them up. She remembers him from Jessie's public school and remarks that he's so handsome. She wonders when it was that she last saw him. Jessie can't believe how totally clueless her mother is. "Oh, my gosh, when he was just a little nerd? And he's still a little nerd. Just taller. And he's into explosives." Karen clutches her pearls and wonders if his parents know. In an undeclared run for the record, Jessie rolls her eyes one more time, and says that she meant in movies. Katie laughs, and the two of them disappear behind Jessie's hand again. They laugh, and Karen asks, "What?" "Mom, it's nothing. God!" Jessie mutters with disgust. How rude. Living with Grace appears to be having its effect. Katie points out her house, and Karen eases the car up to the curb. Katie politely thanks Karen for the ride and says goodbye.
Now that they're alone, Jessie climbs into the front seat. She asks if Karen knew that Billie Holiday always wore a gardenia in her hair. Karen says she did. Jessie's a little surprised she knows who Billie Holiday is. Surprised and a little disappointed, since it means that Lady Day isn't just her little secret with Katie. Jessie asks if Karen has any of Billie's albums. "Somewhere. Unless your dad took them. He did steal my yodeling collection." Heh. Jessie's not sure whether Karen is kidding. She admits that she doesn't know what kind of music Karen likes. Karen, a little hurt, says she loves music. "Yeah, but you never listen to it," Jessie points out. Well, she's got Karen there. They're quiet a few seconds, as Karen thinks of a way to break the news about Eli. She asks if Jessie knew that Eli got fired. Jessie admits, "Sort of," and stares out the passenger window. Karen looks straight ahead and says that the two of them had a fight, and that she said some things; she doesn't think she's "ever been that angry before." Jessie asks what Karen said. Karen keeps her eyes on the road. She says she may have mentioned something about kicking Eli out, and starts launching into an explanation. Jessie's like, hold up a minute, here. She can't believe Karen is kicking Eli out. Karen says she doesn't know what will happen, and that they'll have to see. "Mom, you can't just kick my brother out. I don't believe you!" Jessie shrieks. Karen gets stern, fast. She barks, "I cannot deal with this right now. It probably will be okay, but please just let it be." Karen's breathing hard, and Jessie just stares at her. After a few seconds, she quietly agrees to leave it alone.
Cut to Karen's place, later. Jessie creeps down the hall to Karen's room, where the door is ajar. Karen's huddled on the side of the bed, sobbing. Jessie takes a step back, unsure how to proceed. After a second, she moves into the doorway. "Mom, can I ask you something?" she says, averting her eyes. Karen scrambles for a tissue and shields her face from the door. "Yeah, sure, sweetie, I'm just doing some work," she says, trying to make her voice normal. Jessie apologetically says that she needs to go to Starbucks (nice plug) to work on a report with Katie. Karen says she can go, and tells her to be back by nine. She forces herself to turn and smile. She turns away again, and thinks that Jessie is gone. She's about to start crying again when Jessie asks if she can bring her anything when she's out. Karen jumps and spins around, assuring Jessie that she's fine. She tells her to have fun. "Okay," Jessie says uncertainly. She's reluctant to leave, but there's no reason to stand around the doorway. Karen watches her go and slowly turns from the door. Realizing what Jessie must have seen, she breaks down again and hopelessly holds her head in her hand.
After the break, we find Lily and Rick emerging from Manning Manor. It looks like the neighborhood got hit by a giant can of white Tremclad overnight. Rick's wondering how to handle the news that Karen kicked Eli out of the house. Lily points out that it is Karen's house. "Yeah, and her fridge is empty," Rick says, apropos of nothing. Lily asks what he means. He explains that she stops eating when she's depressed, and says, "I'm not supposed to worry about her problems anymore, right?" Lily gives him a sarcastic "Yeah, right." "So why do they upset me?" he demands. Lily claims that Jake's problems upset her "more now than when [they] were married." They clamber into Rick's truck. Rick stares out the windshield and mutters, "And I know she's down. She's on medication." Lily squints and wonders, "Should I know this? Would I want Karen to know this about me?" Rick doesn't seem to have heard, continuing, "It's just that Jessie needs her now, you know, and I worry how much Karen is able to be there for her. I know she wants to be, I just don't know how much she can be. So what do I do? Go, 'Karen you're depressed, and I'm you're ex-husband here to tell you to shape up.'" Gently, Lily says, "You give her time, Rick." She says that she was really down towards the end of things with Jake, and she knows first-hand that Karen "doesn't want to be where she is." Rick asks what "brought [Lily] back." "Time," Lily says simply. After a second, she thoughtfully adds, "And you." Hmm, you know, maybe a little Rick would bring Karen out of it, too. "Five cents, please," Lily jokes, managing to get half a smile out of Rick.
Cut to the high school, where Jessie and Katie are the only ones in the magically empty halls. Katie flits around the place doing what could be described as "dancing," but that would forever rob the word of its true meaning. So, let's see, she twirls. And she kicks a locker or two. And then she twirls some more. That about does it. She asks Jessie if she wants to go somewhere with a group of them later. Glumly, Jessie says she can't; she has to go shopping with her mom. She laughs and asks Katie what she's doing. "Come on!" Katie says, grabbing her hand. "I can't dance!" Jessie protests, which seems perfectly fine, since Katie can't either. Katie gives up and lets go of Jessie after a few twirls. Jessie says she doesn't really want to go shopping, but her mom's been depressed lately. "Mine too," Katie says, winding down. "Really?" Jessie asks. "Yeah, she just doesn't know it yet," Katie says. "She thinks everyone stays in the same housecoat until four o'clock every day for a year." She does a couple pirouette-y things across the hallway, to emphasize how little it affects her. She asks Jessie if her mom cries. Jessie takes a seat on the floor, against a locker, and says she does. Katie finally stops moving around, thank Pete, and asks whether Jessie's going to go shopping. Jessie smiles, pained, and says, "You should see the things she wants me to buy." Katie settles on the floor to her, and then keeps going until she's fully reclined on the floor, hair and all. Which the janitor must appreciate, since now he won't have to sweep there. Katie says that Jessie should go, and then shifts gears, musing about clothes, and how everyone their age dresses to hide who they are, rather than express it. "And then some guy figures it out and makes, like, a billion dollars." She laughs at the absurdity and rolls toward Jessie. The janitor must be crying tears of joy by now. She looks up at Jessie, who just looks back, waiting. Katie rolls her eyes at herself and apologizes for going on like that. Jessie assures her that she likes it. Katie looks earnestly at Jessie and says, "You should go with her." Jessie seems to consider this advice.
Cut to the kitchen at Manning Manor, where Lily's dutifully cutting up veggies for dinner. Does she even work at the radio station anymore? And now that I'm thinking about it, what the hell happened with that weekly show she was supposed to get? I'm sure Chicago would love to hear about all the problems the kids are having these days. Anyway, Eli comes in the back door and immediately heads for the fridge. It must be expensive to have an Eli. "Hello," Lily says. Eli notes that she must "hate" him, too, or she would have said "hi." Lily wipes her hands and promises that she doesn't "hate him at all." He mutters that everyone else does, and a tear splashes onto my keyboard. Lily says, "They don't. You've just been a very, very, very bad boy." She steps behind him at the fridge and grabs his shoulders to move him aside. She chuckles that she doesn't know what to say to him; she's "never had a son." He grumbles, "Well, you're lucky you didn't have me, except indirectly." Lily tells him "it's not so indirect." He aimlessly opens the fridge again, asking what Rick said. Lily says she doesn't think she should say. Eli chuckles ruefully and figures it must be bad, then. He stands in front of the open fridge, not even looking inside. Lily finally puts down her knife, takes him by the shoulders, and positions him in front of the butcher's block, saying, "Here. Make yourself useful." She hands him a cucumber to slice. Eli asks if she thinks Karen meant it when she kicked him out. Lily figures that Karen means it right now. She asks if Eli was upset, and he says he was; not so much about being kicked out as he was about the shouting. He asks whether Lily ever shouted at her mother. "No comment," she replies with a telling sigh.
Over at Fields, Karen's charging through the racks of clothing looking for something Jessie will love. Jessie plods along behind, protesting at the sight of an embroidered peasant blouse. Karen argues that it's "adorable," which makes Jessie groan, "I hate that word. I don't want to be 'adorable.' It makes me sound like a pixie." Karen says that Jessie's not a pixie (in case there were actually some doubt), but she is a "lovely" young girl, and it's a "lovely" blouse. Which is even better than "adorable." Jessie says, "Mom, don't you know that clothes are armor?" Karen doesn't think she's heard correctly. Jessie regurgitates Katie's theory on clothing and identity. Karen asks what Jessie wants to hide. Jessie automatically says she doesn't want to hide anything. "But you just said --" "Mom! You take me so literally." Karen wheels around to the other side of Jessie, yanking the camera with her. My stomach churns. Karen, a little short of breath, says she's just not sure what Jessie wants. Jessie says she doesn't want the blouse, and tells Karen not to take it personally. Karen's too busy watching the store and all the racks spin round and round in front of her to worry about the blouse, though.
Soliloquy Karen reminds herself to breathe.
Karen takes deep breaths and clings to a rack. Jessie realizes something's not right, and asks Karen what's going on. Karen fights the rising tide of bile and distractedly tells Jessie she's going to the washroom, and when she gets back, they're going to leave. Jessie watches, concerned.
Cut to Karen's foyer, later that night. The front door opens, and Eli cautiously steps inside. He spots Jessie and whispers to ask if Karen is there. Jessie jerks her head toward the stairs. Eli glowers in that direction and closes the door. Karen comes bounding down the stairs but stops short when she sees him. The temperature falls. They shift uncomfortably. Karen checks her cuff and thanks Eli for picking up Jessie, explaining that she has dinner with a client. Eli snarks that he knows; he's "fully informed." Eli glares at Karen and moves toward the coat rack, saying he was going to come by the day while she's at work to get his stuff. He asks if she's seen his old Boy Scout duffel bag, "the one [she] sewed the merit badges on." What a little asshole. He is so like my ex with the head games and manipulation. And the lack of a job, and the pot habit, for that matter. Karen drops her gaze and tries to steady herself. Softly, she promises to look for it and leave it by the stairs. "Okay, let's go," Eli says shortly to Jessie. Karen backs away and heads for the stairs. When she's just out of sight, Eli mutters, "Go to hell." Karen reappears and asks what he just said. Spineless little weasel that he is, Eli won't repeat it. And, to top it off, he tries to turn his attack on her into something she should feel guilty about, saying, "You don't care, so I'm not going to repeat it." Oh, poor little Eli with only your weed to love you. Eli puffs up his self-righteous chest and sails out like the prima donna he's being. Jessie trails behind him. She doesn't say a word to Karen as she leaves, which seems pretty cold to me.
Cut to the dining room at the Manor, where dinner has just ended. As they clear the table, Lily asks who's got homework. Zoe and Grace do, so with this convenient little question, they're cleared out of the way. Rick stops Jessie and asks if he can talk to her. She wonders if she's in trouble. He assures her that she's not and leads her to the living room. Sighing, he says he knows Karen's "going through a rough spot." Jessie's surprised that he knows. He points out that he knows Karen pretty well. Jessie asks what she should do -- what he used to do when Karen was depressed. Rick takes a breath and puts his hand on her arm, solemnly saying that Jessie doesn't have to do anything; it's "not [her] job." "What is?" Jessie asks. Rick tells her to do her homework, make her bed, "live as deeply as [she] can," and "be happy." Jessie looks anything but. Her eyes well up and she chokes, "Dad?" "What is it, sweetheart?" Jessie changes her mind and looks away. Rick urges her to tell him, and won't back down until she does. "What if she hurts herself?" Jessie finally asks. Lily, sporting her Whisper 2000, glances up from the sink. "What do you mean?" Rick asks gravely. Jessie tells him to forget it. "No, what do you mean?" he presses. Jessie's face crumples, and she says she's really afraid that Karen may try to kill herself. Lily's still eavesdropping. Jessie says she knows what Rick is going to say: that Karen wouldn't do that, and that Jessie shouldn't worry. "But if something did happen, would you help her?" Jessie asks. Before Rick can answer, Zoe shouts down that Jessie's instant message bell is going off, "and it's driving [her] crazy." Rick turns back to Jessie and looks her squarely in the eye. He says she knows what he'd say because it's the truth: "You know your mother. Nothing bad is going to happen. I won't let it." And that, there, is the kiss of death, folks. Stay tuned for Karen's catastrophe. Jessie studies his face and, sobbing with relief, presses herself into his shoulder as he pulls her close.
After the break, Rick cautiously enters Karen's office and slowly, quietly closes the door. She looks up, annoyed, and tries to head him off: "If this is about Eli, I'm really not ready to talk about it yet." She looks down at a paper by way of dismissing him. "Jessie's worried about you," Rick says softly. Karen's head snaps up. Rick lays it out: "You're depressed; She's seen it, and she's scared." Karen hotly insists that she's fine. Dropping her voice to a fierce whisper, she clarifies that she will be fine. She glances nervously out her office window, worried someone may overhear. Rick seems not to have heard, though. "She's afraid you may hurt yourself," he pushes. Karen pops out of her chair, looking wounded. "What? How could I do that? You know I'd never do that!" Rick points out that Jessie doesn't know Karen wouldn't hurt herself, and that she feels like she has to take care of Karen. Rick leans across the desk, saying that the two of them have to sit down with Jessie and make her understand the situation, and that everything will be okay then. Karen clenches her jaw to keep the tears back, and sinks into her chair, blinking fast. She nods, looking pained.
Fade into Karen at the therapist's office; she's been telling Dr. Fudd about the blow-up with Eli. Apparently, she thinks the meds are causing her to behave in ways she wouldn't normally. Doc Fudd seems unconcerned. Karen waves her arms and leans forward, adding that she pulled a Tony in the store the other day, and asks if she should stay on the pills given these side effects. Fudd smiles indulgently and says, "You seem actually more animated and more present than I've ever seen you." Karen is surprised. The doc continues that her reaction was totally normal given that "this kid sounds like a total pain in the ass." Oh, is that your professional opinion, doctor? Karen laughs, relieved. The doc leans forward to emphasize his point: "These pills might make you dizzy, but they don't make you stupid. He smokes dope every day, he gets his ass fired and lies to you about it for three weeks. What are you supposed to do? Buy him a BMW?" Karen actually manages to laugh at the situation. Fudd asks how she's doing right now. Karen considers the question a moment and seems a little surprised that she's able to say she's doing okay. Fudd's glad to hear it, and gives her some homework. "Well, I was always good at that," Karen deadpans. Fudd tells her he wants her to think of three things that she's either looking forward to, that she wants, or that she loves. Every day. He tells her to fax him the first list that night. "Okay, but according to my ex-husband, I'm a very negative woman," Karen jokes. Looks like those little blue pills are ass-pole anesthesia. The doc won't let her deprecate herself, though. Earnestly, he tells her, "Karen, if you can laugh once, you can laugh again. It's just one stupid step after another." I'd like to stitch that on a pillow. Seriously. Karen asks what if it doesn't work. He points out that it already is: "In some weird way, it takes more courage to ask for help with this than it does to get through it. And here you are." Karen nods and smiles gratefully.
Fade into Jessie's attic room at the Manor. Katie fires up the CD player, and Billie Holiday's warm voice fills the room, singing "God Bless the Child." "You know what I love about Billie Holiday? She's enigmatic," Katie says. Jessie doesn't know what that means. Katie clarifies: "Mysterious. She makes you guess." Like another certain someone who's got the boards buzzing, hmm, Katie? Jessie says she likes Billie Holiday's singing. They listen intently for a few seconds, until Katie says, "I bet you could sing like her." Jessie blushes and oozes modesty all over her nice clean bedspread. Katie won't give up, though, and even sets the scene for Jessie, saying that it's "two in the morning, the lights are low, and the band starts to play." She gazes intensely up at Jessie from her seat on the floor. Jessie melts and starts singing. And proves Katie wrong. She can sing, but please. She's no Lady Day, and it seems almost irreligious to suggest it. Her voice is far, far too sweet. Anyway, Katie doesn't seem to notice, of course, but just sits back and watches Jessie with deep appreciation.
"God Bless the Child" sweeps us over into the scene, where Karen is strolling down a street in bright sunshine, hands in her pockets, smiling serenely. She has a faraway look.
Soliloquy Karen lets us know she's thinking about the doc's assignment. Dreamily, she says, "I look forward to...April...baseball...."
Jessie's still belting out the song in her room.
Karen smiles to herself on the sidewalk and voice-overs, "A new Woody Allen movie, even if it's bad...." Soliloquy Karen adds, "Soft-shelled crabs." She turns to look at us. "Hey, that's four!" she exclaims, delighted.
Jessie's still singing. And wearing barrettes much in the style of Grace in season two. She must have made someone in Hair and Makeup very angry.
Soliloquy Karen's on a roll now. "Eli's kids!" she bubbles. Her face melts with affection. "Jessie's kids...."
Jessie. Still singing.
Karen breaks into an open smile on the sidewalk, swinging her arms jauntily as she considers her future grandkids.
"Someone to hold me," Soliloquy Karen says, smiling confidently into the camera.
Karen steps off the curb. And into the front end of a Taurus that's driving entirely too fast on a city street. Brakes squeal as Karen's body bounces off the hood and bumps up over the windshield. She drops to the street with a thud and lies there in a crumpled heap. Bystanders rush forward, murmuring their dismay, as the frantic driver climbs out of her car, fretting, "I didn't see her!" Yeah, that'll happen when you shoot around corners at thirty miles an hour. The camera pans from Karen's splayed boots up her legs to a gloved, twitching hand, to -- oh my god -- her bloody face and vacantly staring eyes. Her mouth's open, as if in shock. In slow-mo, we watch boots running toward her, see the bystanders couch and crowd around, hear their muffled concern. This scene kills me. Darkness, like a shadow, passes over Karen's face.
The camera follows the blackness down, sinking, until it lands softly on Soliloquy Karen, lying on her side without a stitch of clothing. She's luminous there in black-and-white, and her bod practically smokes. "It's been so long since I've slept," she murmurs, looking peaceful. I think this may be the first truly non-gratuitous use of nudity I've seen.
Cut back to Karen on the street, still immobilized, still staring at everything in slow-mo. Her eyes roam and survey the contents of her purse, emptied in the fall. The camera pans over her brush, her pills, her wallet. Her eyes flutter.
Cut back to Soliloquy Karen, murmuring, "It's been so long since I've sat and felt the sun on my face."
Karen's eyes are still again, fixed on the closest thing in their range: her hand. She moves her fingers a little, as if to prove to herself that she's still there. The movement takes everything she's got.
"Oh, Judy! You didn't say that!" Lily exclaims into the phone while setting the table. "What did he say? Wait -- hold on. Let me get rid of this," she says, clicking to the other line. "Rick! Hey honey, listen, can I --" Lily straightens, her face draining. "Oh, dear god," she breathes, lifting a hand to her chest. "Oh my god! Tell me she's okay," she says, moving trancelike toward the stairs. "No, no, no, she's here." She holds the phone to her chest and calls upstairs for Jessie. Jessie, innocent, comes bounding down the stairs. She stops when she hears Lily ask, "What hospital?" Lily looks up at her. Jessie slowly finishes descending the stairs, never taking her eyes off Lily. "Okay," Lily says into the phone, before holding it out to Jessie. Jessie looks at it like it's lit dynamite. The last thing she wants to do is hold that phone. Reluctantly, she takes it, already bleary-eyed, already knowing that what she hears will devastate. "Hello?" she says weakly. She listens, looking off. Sharp intake of breath. "Mommy?" Her legs buckle and her face crumples. Lily rushes forward. Jessie drops the phone, staring blankly. She sobs. Looking up at Lily, she pleads, "I want my mommy!" Lily tries to hold her, assuring her they're going to the hospital right now. "No!" Jessie cries, pushing her hands away. "Eli! ELI!" she wails. Every hair on my body raises. Eli is slackered out in his room. Jessie's shrieks rouse him, and he sits up with a sinking feeling.
Cut to a hospital corridor, where Karen's on a gurney, being wheeled into an operating room. Doctors slap on rubber gloves and mutter stats in the background, while a tranquil Soliloquy Karen slurs, "Is it all right if I rest now? Would that be okay?" Her eyelids slide shut.
The camera pans up Karen's shattered, braced leg to tubes crisscrossing her chest, to her face, still bloodied. Her breath is raspy as she stares, unseeing, at the ceiling. A pair of hands slips an oxygen mask over her face. Darth Vader breathing. In. Out. In. Out. The ghostlike breath carries through a black screen to commercials.
When we return, Karen's still with us. A doctor opens her eyes and shines a light in each one, noting that her "pupils are round and reactive. That's good." Karen's eyes follow his movements through the slits of her eyelids.
Soliloquy Karen stretches languorously and smiles, rolling over onto her back. "We're at the house," she sighs. "In case it rains." Oookay. Must be the morphine drip.
Back in Karen's room, the camera slips in and out of focus, mimicking Karen's reality. We see fuzzy blue shapes as personnel shuffle around her, and we hear snippets of their observations between Karen's breaths.
"My cat has a collar like that!" Soliloquy Karen slurs, delighted. She finds this very funny, and laughs for the first time in a very long time.
The camera flashes to the broken Karen again, struggling to open her eyes. She only gets them half-open before Soliloquy Karen takes over, though, still laughing and murmuring, "That's so funny!"
Jessie paces in the hallway while Rick and Lily sit helplessly. Jessie asks if they want anything to eat. They thank her but decline. She strides off around the corner, where Eli's holding up the pop machine and trying not to cry. He lifts his head when she arrives but can't quite look at her. "I know," she says. "It's okay. I know." He turns his head away, and they stand there, arms folded, trying to be strong.
Cut to Lily and Rick getting the hallway summation from the attending doctor. He starts by telling them that it's going to take time. He then breaks the news that Karen's pelvis is shattered, as are her femur and left knee. Oh, and she has a ruptured spleen. The camera pans so we can see that Eli and Jessie are standing there, too. The doctor tells them that Karen will be staying at the hospital for a while, and that walking will be hard. "It's going to take some time. But at least you've got her," he says with a wan smile. Wrung out, they nod slightly and try to see the bright side. Jessie asks if they can see her.
Cut to one of those blippy machines, beeping away to Karen's bed. The camera pans away from it, along a tube up to Karen's face. She's badly scratched and scraped. Jessie and Eli enter tentatively. "Hi, Mom," Jessie says softly. Karen struggles to turn her head toward the sound. She opens her eyes and blinks to focus.
Soliloquy Karen turns her head in the same direction.
Jessie tries to fight back her tears and smile while Eli swallows hard.
Soliloquy Karen stretches out her hand. "Oh my god!" she sighs, awed. "They're so beautiful!" She's about to cry from sheer joy.
Karen lies there, expressionless, her face taped and immobilized. She fights to keep her eyes open but can't.
Fade into Rick and Lily in the hallway, getting on with the business of making arrangements.
Fade into Jessie and Eli in Karen's room at home, collecting some of her things. "Don't lose her place," Eli orders, as Jessie picks up a book.
Fade into Karen's hospital room, where Rick's sitting by her bedside, arms folded and face filled with concern. He doesn't take his eyes off her.
Fade into the dining room at Manning Manor, where Lily and Rick are huddled at the table in semi-darkness, picking at their plates. They make stilted small talk about the casserole. As Lily stands up to clear the table, she declares, "This is going to change things." Rick says that Karen won't be able to take care of Jessie. "Or herself," Lily adds. Rick stands and says, "I'm going to get them to come in and eat." Lily puts a hand on his shoulder and tells him to let her do it. She practically runs.
Lily bustles into Eli's room with an armload of towels. She finds Jessie flopped on the bed staring at the ceiling, and asks where Eli is. Jessie says she made Eli go to his band practice with Coop, "and no, [she isn't] hungry." Lily barely bats an eye and says that's fine. Jessie turns toward her with a suspicious look. Lily just goes about folding the towels. "How's my dad?" Jessie asks. Lily says he's okay. Jessie goes back to staring at the ceiling, saying that Rick doesn't always show things. "Sometimes you don't know what he's feeling, because he's enigmatic." Very good! One point for using it in a sentence. Lily puts down the towels and looks at Jessie. She walks toward the bed, saying, "I know. I like that." Jessie's surprised by that, and Lily climbs over the bed to gather Eli's dirty clothes. She explains that she likes the way it feels when a secretive person gives you a glimpse of what they're thinking or feeling. She turns and looks at Jessie a moment, then sits to her on the bed. "You're not like a daughter to me. You are one. I have three. Three's lucky. It's magic. And so am I." I hope she means she's lucky. Rather than adding a line to let Jessie know this declaration in no way signals the inevitable demise of her natural mother, Lily offers the kid some casserole. Jessie asks if it has eggplant in it, because she hates it. Lily proudly announces that it did have eggplant in it, but that Lily picked it out, "cube by cube." "You did?" Jessie asks. Lily holds out her hand, saying, "Yes. Come see."
Cut to Jessie and Katie blowing through Fields like a whirlwind. The camera struggles to keep up with their flurry as they whiz past rack after rack of clothes. Jessie complains, "I swear it was here the other day. I remember!" Katie pulls out some godawful shirred white thing. Jessie rightfully dismisses it with half a glance. She finds a salesperson and asks for help finding the blouse. The woman patronizingly explains that there's a sale on, so they're selling out of things every day. She pulls out a shirt and holds it up to Jessie, saying, "Oh, but you're such a pretty girl. We have lots of pretty blouses --" Jessie tries to explain that she's not interested in pretty blouses, but Katie interrupts to call from the background, "Is this it?" Jessie rushes over and clutches the peasant blouse, relieved.
Soliloquy Rick reminisces, "I first saw Karen when she was coming out of the library. She was with some guy who turned out to be her boyfriend, and she stepped into this sunlight, and she just...shone. Like a coin from someplace where everything is beautiful."
Rick's still sitting at Karen's bedside. She turns her head and her eyes flicker. Her gaze roams the room, trying to make sense of where she is. Finally, she sees Rick, and registers shock at the sight. He leans anxiously forward when he sees her stir. Karen groggily asks if she's been sleeping, and for how long. Rick fills her in that she has been sleeping, for a while, and that the kids are at home. Karen struggles to look around the room, in search of some pudding to offer him. Rick's not interested. His voice husky, he says, "Jessie wanted to know -- before this happened -- Jessie wanted to know, if anything did happen, would I be there for you." He looks away, uncertainly. Karen looks at him unwaveringly and murmurs, "Silly girl. Doesn't she know you?" And my keyboard blurs. Rick gets a little bleary himself. He takes a sharp breath and, lips quavering, says he needs to know something. "Did I do it on purpose?" she asks. Rick nods. Karen breathes a chuckle and says, "The weird thing is, I was feeling better. Rick, I want to live. I just don't know how." Rick swallows the tears and reaches for her hand. She looks from it to him, as he snuffles and wraps both his hands around hers.
Cut to Jessie in her room, checking out her reflection in a mirror. She's wearing the new blouse and surveying the damage. Zoe appears behind her and asks, "Can I be frank with you? And feel free to say no." Jessie says she can. "That blouse is so not you." Jessie says she knows. "You do? And you're not mad?" Zoe asks, incredulous. She says she could never say something like that to Grace. "And -- between us -- I hate all her tops," she adds. Ah, comic relief. I love this kid again.
Cut to Soliloquy Karen grabbing her toes to stretch. Yes, she's still naked. I bet the crew went home in a good mood that day. She's talking about how much she loves to run and, I'll tell you, if that's what running does for a body, sign me up. Soliloquy Karen rubs her legs and looks thrilled to be alive.
In her hospital room, Karen wakes up to find Jessie camped in the chair, a coat draped over her. Karen asks how long she's been there. Jessie replies, "A little while. Dad brought me." Jessie reminds Karen that, in a little while, she'll be able to drive herself. "Promise me something?" Karen asks. "When you get your license, don't tell me about it, okay?" Jessie laughs and promises. "So, how are you?" she asks, growing earnest. Karen says she's okay. "I was lucky," she breathes. Jessie stares at her and asks, "Is that the truth?" Karen looks guilty and says she hasn't been totally honest with Jessie recently, and that was wrong. Her voice thickens with tears as she apologizes. Jessie says Karen doesn't have to be sorry. Karen promises that she's telling the truth now, "and [she] needs [Jessie] to know it." She insists that she's okay, and that she's going to get better. "I want to," she adds. Jessie smiles, and sighs with relief. "Can I do my homework here?" she asks. Karen breathes a laugh and says she's not very good company. Jessie says it's French, and Karen can help her. Jessie stands up and moves the coat, revealing the peasant blouse underneath. "Oh, Jessie," Karen sighs. "What do you think?" Jessie asks self-consciously, moving to the bed to give Karen a better look. She says she's sorry for being so mean to Karen in the store. Karen says, "To inaugurate our honesty, it's just not you." They laugh. Jessie says she's going to tell Rick that she's staying for a while. Karen reaches for her hand. "Jessie? Oh, I love you," she says. Jessie starts crying and grabs her hand tightly, saying she loves Karen, too.
Soliloquy Karen, still naked but now sitting with her back to us, turns to look over her shoulder. "Okay. Three things I love. One: Jessie's face."
Jessie asks if Karen needs anything. Karen tells Jessie to grab the pad by the bed and make a list of some CDs she wants time Jessie's at the "music store." She rhymes off Ella Fitzgerald singing Harold Arlen, Carole King Tapestry...."
Soliloquy Karen laughs, "Number two: Jessie's face."
Karen adds one more title to the list: "Barbra Streisand's Christmas album -- the old one, not the new one." Jessie points out that it's not Christmas. Karen says she doesn't care; that's some of the music she likes. "You said you wanted to know," she adds, touching Jessie's arm. Jessie takes the page and stuffs it in her pocket, saying she'll be right back. Karen moves her head into a resting position, and Jessie pauses at the doorway: "Stay awake, okay?" Karen agrees to, even though it's a struggle.
Soliloquy Karen: "Number three...." She laughs and bites her lip, unable to get the words out.
Karen opens her eyes and stares at the door to her room. A few seconds later, Eli materializes looking rueful. He leans against the door frame and takes a deep breath. "Eli," Karen says, her voice achingly full of joy. "Hi," Eli says. Karen smiles.