The show opens with a view of a televised hockey game, and it looks as though Chicago is playing the Blue Jackets. The camera pans back as a player zooms toward the net, and we can hear a man's voice shouting, "Oh...yes yes yes yes yes!" as the puck finds its home just as the buzzer sounds. The voice belongs to Rick. A hockey fan? He just scored some points with my Canadian ass. Lily observes, "Men always sound like they're having sex when they watch sports." She took the words right out of my mouth. She flicks a kernel of popcorn at Rick and quips, "Slap shot!" Rick tugs at her arm, pulling her onto the couch with him, and Lily tells him to stop distracting her -- she has work to do. He gamely agrees and offers to leave. She begs him not to, but he insists that he, too, has work to do, and that he has to do it on his computer. They banter a bit and that, of course, segues into canoodling. Mercifully, the grope fest is short-lived, as Rick gets hold of himself and asks, "Okay, so who's winning as we enter the second period: Christy or Graham?" Oh, I wish he hadn't couched that in hockey terms. Anyway, Lily answers that it's odd to see Crusty behaving so oddly, "totally contorting herself." What, did Crusty join the circus? She'd make one bad-ass scary clown. But no; Lily's referring to her paranoia about Graham and her fear that he may actually be right at times. She says that Graham just tries to be "so cool, like there's not a pit bull clamped to his hand, slowly tearing it off." Crusty as a pit bull? It works, doesn't it? Rick says that guys always try to play it cool, just as he tosses popcorn at his mouth and misses. Lily informs him that he and Graham have nothing in common, and Rick, suddenly ten, retorts that they both like her. Lily argues that Graham doesn't like her, and those sound like famous last words to me. Rick insists that he has to leave immediately or he never will. Lily pulls him backward, plants a kiss on him, and then hoofs him in the ass, telling him to get out of there.
Jessie, dressed in a schmancy little black dress, falls face-first onto Karen's bed with a killer sigh. Karen begs, "Help me out here. I can't tell you you look beautiful, because as your mother, I have zero credibility here." Jessie tells her that she can say whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't say "looks don't count." Karen claims that she was only going to say that some of the girls are going as a group. Jessie says, "That's okay. I'm not." I'm guessing she doesn't have a date for whatever thing they're referring to. Karen lays into the guilt saying that a while ago, Jessie said she might want to go, and Karen took her out and got a dress that she thought Jessie liked. Jessie's immune to the guilt trip, though, because the humiliation of going somewhere solo far outweighs any emotional manipulation her mother can pull off. She says she changed her mind and asks if that's allowed. Wearily, Karen agrees that it is. Jessie hops off the bed and announces that she'll start her homework, then.
A pair of masculine boots appear outside the bedroom door, and Leo goofily calls out, "I hear gorgeous women!" Jessie almost runs into him, and when he sees her all decked out, he is inspired to launch into a really white imitation of a funky soul brother, exclaiming, "Whoa! Jump back, kiss myself, wow!" The last bit sounds like something James Brown coughed up in the shower. But he really is sweet, and I'm sure he intended to sound like an ass. He informs Jessie that she's "going to break some serious hearts," and that "guys are going to be standing in line and then falling down." Jessie quietly says that she's not going. "Oh," Leo answers, trying not to sound surprised and adding, "Does that mean we get to go to the game on Saturday, you and me?" He puts his hand behind his ass for a low-five as Jessie walks past. When Jessie's gone, Karen starts cleaning up the dress box and mutters about Jessie's being so unsure of herself. Leo muses, "Aren't they all at that age?" He brushes the hair from Karen's neck and starts laying down the smooches. "Leo," Karen groans. "I know," he answers. "No, you don't," she insists. In his best drill-sergeant voice, Leo demonstrates that he does know: "No sex when the children are at home." Karen's ass pole springs to attention, sensing that it'll have cause to spin any minute now. Leo tries to charm the ass pole with a little humor, saying that "lasciviously biting [her] neck isn't having sex. It's punishing [her] for not having sex." It's no use. The ass pole has started twirling like a ballerina with alligator skin, and Karen squirms uncomfortably on the bed. Leo says he was just joking. Talk to the pole, buddy. She irritably insists that he wasn't joking. Leo, getting fed up, points out that they have the same argument all the time and asks whether they may have a new one, please. "We have the same argument all the time because you can't seem to hear me," Karen schoolmarms. "Or you think I'm going to change, and that is just not going to happen." Leo takes a moment and prudently decides to switch gears. "It's just that you're so incredibly beautiful," he smarms. Karen softens, a little uncertainly.
"I don't see where you're going with this, Christy," Graham says, with an edge in his voice. It's the morning, and we're joining a meeting already in progress in Crusty's office. "Because I haven't gotten there," she snarks in a light-hearted tone. She's sporting a pleather blazer in a reptilian print. Isn't that almost cannibalistic? Plus, it's annoyingly shiny. Anyway, she goes on to inform Graham that restaurant reviews are the mainstay of the magazine. He counters that no one reads them. She claims he doesn't know that. He insists the research shows it. As the camera follows Graham pacing around Crusty's desk, we see that Lily is seated across from the boss lady, looking a little uncomfortable. She makes pacifying sounds, but Crusty just barrels ahead, saying that Graham wants a "revenue stream" and she's trying to deliver one, "believe it or not." I'd go with the latter, given her behavior thus far. Anyway, Graham snides, "I'm thrilled. Continue." He takes up a post against the wall, arms crossed judgmentally. Crusty pitches some idea about having a review-writing contest "to lure people into the restaurants [they] advertise." She says the reviews will not only describe what people ate, but also the "experience" they had at the restaurant, "like an anniversary dinner where the couple broke up." 'Cause who wouldn't want to share their heartache and humiliation along with a rave about the seafood risotto? Graham questions whether the restaurants would go for it, and Crusty smugly assures him that they would "love it."
Just then, some chick urgently busts in saying that Steve needs Crusty to look at some graphics. Crusty asks if it can wait, and the girl insists that they were supposed to go online two hours ago. Crusty hightails it out of there, and Graham sits on the edge of the desk, leaning in to whisper to Lily, "Well, this is a first." Lily whispers back that she feels "totally uncomfortable about this." Graham points out that Crusty won't take his help any other way, and Lily whines, "I don't like lying, even if it's for a good cause." She insists that she should have just told Crusty it was Graham's idea from the start. "She didn't even give you credit for it," Graham says. "I'm sitting here listening while she pitches you your own idea, which she thinks she stole from me while you pretend to think about it," Lily observes, appearing to relish it just a little. Frankly, I don't know how she can keep a straight face while Crusty so blatantly makes an ass of herself. Then again, she pulls it off the rest of the time. Graham asks how he did with the acting, to which Lily responds, "Shut up!" But she says it with a smile. Crusty walks in just in time to catch the last bit, and asks why Lily is telling Graham to shut it. Graham bullshits some cover and then says he has to "go be two places at once." He pauses in the doorway to say he thinks it's a good idea and that they should run with it. Lily sits trying to look impassive while Crusty recites, "That which does not kill me makes me strong." Strong like cheap-ass aftershave, maybe. Lily says she thinks it went well. Crusty turns with a saccharine smile, snarks that it couldn't be better, and then starts moaning that she's sure "this is [her] life lesson. You know, that [she] didn't get in [her] last life. 'Cause [she] must've done something really bad in that life." Huh. If karma really is kicking Crusty in the ass this time around, it's nothing compared to what she's got coming in the round. She'll have to come back as the lint in a baboon's belly button. Anyway, Lily still manages a straight face, which is most impressive. She leans in and says, "Did you ever think that maybe he's not that evil? That all he wants is to get the magazine on its feet?" Crusty ponders this for about an eighth of a second before curtly responding, "No." Lily sits back, defeated.
Cut to Booklovers; Karen has just entered. She admits to Judy that she's not there to shop, she's using it as an "assignation" because she forgot the name of a restaurant nearby. Judy wants to know who the "assignee" is. Karen makes her uptight face, and Judy looks excited. "Ooo, I finally get to meet Leo," she chirps. She's in a really good mood. I'm hoping it's a sign of some off-screen Glucking. Karen answers, "For what it's worth." Whoa, Karen you should tone down the enthusiasm. The other customers are starting to stare. Judy picks up on it, but Karen assures her that things are fine. "I told you, it's just...silly," she says. Judy wants to know why enjoying yourself is silly. Karen thinks things are "supposed to be going somewhere" and says she feels "so stupid just existing." Would you feel smarter if you were dead? Her hang-ups irritate me. They're totally understandable and everything, but I hate it when people let "should" and "supposed to" govern their lives and happiness. I think these are concepts that need to be removed from the language. But I digress.
Karen says she feels like it "should be building toward something." Judy smiles wryly and asks, "Like getting married and having children?" Karen realizes she's being ridiculous, and follows Judy to a bookshelf, saying that she could never start over again -- certainly not with Leo. "What's a person supposed to do when her biological usefulness is over?" she wonders. Judy suggests, "How about relax and enjoy yourself?" just as the bell rings to announce Leo's arrival. He introduces himself to Judy and says to Karen, "I like her better than her sister." Judy smiles widely and says, "Well, I like him better than the sister's boyfriend." Well, maybe these two should get a room. Karen diplomatically halts things. Judy tells them to have a nice lunch, but before they go, Karen suddenly remembers that she's supposed to take Jessie to the library that night to research the pyramids, and she forgot that she has to work late. Judy says she has lots of books on the pyramids, and Karen thanks her, but part of the assignment is to research at the library. Leo says, "Oh, I could help. I mean -- Karen, could I help?" Hee. The sad thing is, I don't think he was joking. He offers to take Jessie to the library, and to the museum. He then says that they should go, and heads past Judy, telling her it was nice to meet her. When Karen passes, Judy mouths, "He's great!" Yeah, sell it to someone who's buying, sister. Karen makes a froggy face and departs.
Meanwhile, over at PagesAlive.com, Graham is busy strutting around and filling out the belly of his shirt. He approaches Lily in the staff room, where she's spooning coffee into the filter. He comments on the soon-to-be coffee, letting her know he'll need it, because he's going to be there for the eight hours. ["Pfft. Rookie." -- Wing Chun] Lily admits that she's not very good at making coffee, to which he replies, "That's obvious," before taking over and showing her how it's done. He flirts. He asks why she's there so late, and Lily tells him that her "girls are with their father" so she thought she'd stay and catch up on some stuff. He asks how old the kids are -- "toddlers?" She tells him they're ten and sixteen. "No way!" he exclaims. "Way," she verifies, just before monkeys fly out of her butt. "You're not going out with the boyfriend?" Graham asks, pretending to occupy himself with the coffee can. She tells him that "the boyfriend" is really busy. "As all boyfriends should be, or turn out to be, or something like that," he answers. She asks what he meant by that, and he backs off explaining. She rubs her hands with a paper towel, licks her lips in a goofy yet flirtatious way, and says that she should get down to some work. She reaches past him to grab something off the counter, and he doesn't move an inch, but instead stares at her hair like Single White Co-Worker. She says she'll see him later, and he answers, "Yes, you will. I'll be here quite late." She stops and asks whether the magazine is in more trouble than they thought. He says no, "it's more along the lines of [his] having no discernable personal life at the moment."
Lily looks at him with interest, so he continues, "My fiancée broke up with me." Lily is shocked, saying she didn't even know he was engaged. She moves back into the staff room, saying that she's sorry. He apologizes, saying he shouldn't have even brought it up -- it was "very unprofessional and mostly very boring." Lily assures him that's not the case. He says that is fiancée was "a great girl. She just wasn't into having a very very busy...husband, apparently. What can you do?" Lily says, "Well, I hope it works out for you. Whatever that ends up meaning." He looks at her closely and takes a few steps towards her, thanking her and saying, "I think it will. And it's given me a chance to look at my life and what I want. Have new experiences. Make new friends. Connect with new people." Lily tries to look like he's not making her uncomfortable, but she's not pulling it off. She, like the rest of us, can pretty much figure out what "new experiences" Graham wants to have, and with whom. She stammers out some stuff about never knowing how things are going to work out and "...it's all...very mysterious." She becomes self-conscious and smiles, looking down at her shoes and then back up at him. She says she should...and he interrupts to say that he'll check on the coffee in a while...blah blah blah supposedsexualtensioncakes. After he leaves, Lily stands there, looking reflective, and crossing her arms tightly across her chest.
After commercials, Lily drops by Booklovers with a couple of muffins. Judy declares her "the sweetest human being on the face of this earth." People will say anything when they're hungry enough and there're baked goods involved. Lily tells her that she can't stay, and Judy immediately decides that Lily isn't the sweetest person, after all. Judy makes some asinine remark about only eating the muffin tops because they have no calories. I say it's asinine not because it's obviously not true, but because Judy is so bird-like (and that's a compliment) that she hardly has to worry about her weight. And Lily, as we've already covered, certainly doesn't need to, either. Judy asks how it's going in "the war zone." Lily answers that "nobody's killed anyone yet, but there's still time." Judy asks after Graham, and Lily says he's fine. She picks infinitesimal bits off the top of her muffin and carefully places them in her mouth. Perhaps the spit bucket was unavailable? Judy prods and makes knowing faces, while Lily insists, "He's not like that. He knows about Rick. But he does flirt with me." She puts another crumb on her tongue before adding, "And, I'm maybe flirting back." Okay, the way she's fiddling with that muffin now is just downright sexual. It's muffin molestation! Judy leans on the counter and says, "It's funny to watch you learn about these things." Lily wants to know what things Judy's talking about. "Work perks. Like flirting. It doesn't have to mean anything. It's just what gets you out of bed in the morning. Or gives you someone to dress up for. Nice outfit, by the way," Judy says, waving her fingers in the direction of Lily's clothing. She is wearing a sharp gray mohair coat. Anyway, Lily smirks, looks down at her outfit, and fiddles her muffin. "So you're saying that a certain amount of flirting is normal?" Lily asks. Jesus, was she kidnapped by the Amish and locked in a trunk for the past twenty years? I mean, I know she was married, but she wasn't dead, for god's sake. ["I certainly hope that doesn't mean that you engage in workplace flirtation when your boss isn't watching. (Heh.)" -- Wing Chun]
Judy quips that flirting isn't just normal, it's "necessary." Just to be clear, Lily says, "So, it doesn't mean he wants something that's inappropriate." "Well he may want it, but it doesn't mean he's going to act on it," declares Judy, the saucy little minx. Lily leans on the countertop, her muffin suddenly forgotten. Judy tells her that workplace flirtations help people tolerate one another without wanting to kill each other. Then she asks about Rick. "Hmmm?" Lily hums, distracted. "Rick," Judy repeats, "an old acquaintance of yours?" Lily snaps out of it and says that he's fine but "up to his neck in this whole Atlantor project. I haven't really seen him that much. Thank god it isn't always like this." Judy bites her tongue, thinking, "Yeah it's rough being caught between a rock and a hard body." She manages a slightly sarcastic, "Yeah." Lily then steers things back to more important matters: "So, you mean, even if I did feel a teensy bit flattered by this guy, it wouldn't mean that I'm --" "A slut?" Judy finishes. "Only in a Jane Austen kind of way." Ha! But since when would Lily trust Judy's perception of what's slutty? Not that I think Judy's a slut, but I think Lily does. "Thanks, I think," Lily says. She's back to fingering her poor muffin. Smiling devilishly, she says she has to go.
Meanwhile, Leo's whipping up some greasy breakfast meat in Karen's kitchen. Jessie, quite understandably, almost runs from it when Leo holds out a dripping piece for her. He says that he came over just to cook her breakfast and now she's not even going to eat, but Jessie's wise to his game and says he only came over because there's nothing to cook at his place. She asks when she'll see him. Still clutching the hapless bacon, and in fact using it as a pointer, Leo Igors, "We go library. Five o'clock. Do much research." Jessie giggles and says, "You know, my dad always used to say that the reason men erected buildings was to be closer to God." I think there's a reason why "erect" is synonymous with "build," but I'm no architect. Leo pays Rick a genuine compliment, which just demonstrates what a decent guy he is. There is not a trace of pettiness or competition. "See ya," Jessie says, grinning and spinning away from the counter.
Suddenly, she's Lily, spinning in her office chair. Nice little bit of editing, that. Anyway, Lily's at PagesAlive.com, and Graham walks up and says hey. She asks how late he worked the night before. They banter about boring pointless stuff, and Crusty observes the exchange from her office with a whiff of suspicion. She quickly busts in on them, reeking of insecurity. Lily gives Crusty a message from her dog's psychiatrist. Of course her dog sees a shrink. Could you imagine being forced to be her best friend? Having to wag your tail and act excited when you saw her? The poor thing's probably having an existential crisis. Before Lily and Graham can resume their conversation, Crusty makes a point of telling Lily that when she's free, she wants to "get some things down on paper" regarding the restaurant reviews. Just then, the same urgent girl from before barges up, calling Crusty away to yet another cyber crisis. It's clear Crusty doesn't want to leave them, and she makes a face that says so.
Graham leans in and whispers to Lily, "Little crispy today." Yes, yes she is. Crusty, you might even say. I'm going to consider that a shout-out, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Lily diplomatically keeps her lips sealed on that one, and says that she has work to do. "One more thing first," Graham says. "The advice column --" "is terrible," Lily interjects. He needs one idea. One idea to make it work. Lily hesitates. He tells her "the ideas off the top of your head are usually the best ones." I'm not sure if he means "your" in the general sense, or if he's referring specifically to Lily. If it's the latter, he's definitely kissing her ass. "This is terrible!" she protests through a wide, red-lipsticked smile. Yeah, looks like torture, all right. He keeps pressing, his needle apparently having stuck on "one idea." She finally relents, insists that it's stupid, and says, "What if the person giving advice was a dog?" Well, I've always suspected that those columnists were bitter, lonely old unwanted types, but that's a little blunt. Oh, she means what if the columnist literally was a dog. She's right: it is stupid. ["Plus it's something they already do, kind of at The Onion, and have been for several years. You know, 'Ask a Worker Bee,' 'Ask a Nineteenth-Century Preacher,' and the like." -- Wing Chun] Like it's not embarrassing enough writing about your most intimate problems to someone with a few designations after their name; people are going to be busting quills writing to a pooch about low sex drive and their crush on the delivery guy. Graham, however, thinks it's brilliant. He loves her! I mean, he loves it! He believes there's no one better to point out "our foibles" than a dog. It could be a good premise for a story or something, but I just don't buy it for an advice column. Graham dances around her desk trying to keep his head on while Lily takes a call. With her attention focused elsewhere, and her deflector shields down, Lily's an easy target for his overly excited lips. They plant a firm smooch on her forehead and totally knock Lily for a loop. "I-I-I-I'm sorry, what did you say?" she says into the receiver.
"I said, 'Hi Lily. It's Rick'" Rick answers. Oops.
Lily comes to. "Right. Hi!" she says emphatically. Rick says he meant to call her that morning, and then he got so busy that he thought he did call her. "Basically, I'm losing my mind over here," he says, settling at his desk with a few blueprints. "It's okay, really," she says. "You weren't missing me?" Rick asks. Oh, right. Cue the irony! "Of course I missed you! I just --" Lily says, pausing when Graham approaches her desk and stops to give her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "I just...I just don't expect you to call every..." she says, trying to recover, as she squints after Graham. Rick says he wants to take her out for dinner, if that's all right. "That's very all right," Lily gushes. They tell each other not to work too hard (that's an odd idiom, isn't it?) and hang up. Well, actually, Lily slams the phone down. She looks troubled.
Cut to a close-up of an alarm clock (it's 10:15) and a photograph of Eli and Jessie. The camera swings over to the right, and we find Karen sitting in bed with a book, looking worried. She runs an anxious hand through her hair and glances at the clock. She takes a closer look. When the front door closes, she sits up like a little prairie dog.
Cut to the darkened foyer. We hear a loud thump and Jessie giggling. Leo shushes her. "Shut up, get the light!" she stage-whispers. "Excuse me, I'm grievously injured here!" he mock-protests. Not quietly, either. Karen stands in her bedroom doorway, eyeing them sternly. Jessie flicks on the lights, sing-songing, "Oh, but I do care," and twirling around like a high little fairy. Karen steps forward in her bathrobe, waiting for them to notice her. The party mood quickly dampens. Leo cops to the crime quickly, hoping for leniency: "Yes, she had a caffeinated beverage. Yes I am evil." Jessie protests vehemently and bounces around like a Chihuahua on meth. Talking a mile a minute, she grabs some books off the pile Leo's holding, and starts trying to show Karen some of the stuff they learned. "That's great, but you need to get to bed right now. It's late," Karen pooh-poohs. Did I mention that it's 10:15? They're hardly sneaking in at the crack of dawn. ["Plus Jessie's in high school, so whatever." -- Wing Chun] Jessie continues to yammer and twitter in front of Leo, so Karen gives her a stern, "Goodnight, honey." Jessie prances off to bed. As he hangs up his coat, Leo playfully observes, "It's funny how the words 'school night' have come to mean 'instant doom.'" Well, they're about to now, buddy. Karen is not amused. Leo's high evaporates, and he says, "Sorry." She just smiles tightly and nods like a good little martyr.
Crusty heads out of her office, telling Lily that she's heading out for some drinks with "functional idiots" and says that if she's done by seven, she'll call. Lily, gathering her purse, reminds Crusty that she has to leave, too. "Oh. Right. Well, okay. Say hi to Rick," Crusty says, but she doesn't sound friendly about it. As Crusty walks away, Lily pops out of her chair and watches her depart, waiting for the coast to be clear. She then heads to Graham's office.
"Hey, I was just thinking about you," Graham says, and invites Lily to have a seat. She declines. Her body language screams discomfort. "We need to talk," she says tightly. "Before we say or do anything, we need to talk." How can they talk before they say anything? She says they need to establish that they're co-workers. "Just because I like your ideas, I shouldn't take liberties," Graham admits. Lily keeps an arm clenched firmly across her body. "Do you always go around doing that?" she asks, gesturing with her free arm. Graham looks embarrassed. She adds that it's "very weird" and forces out, "You just can't go around kissing people's foreheads." Well, there's no arguing with that, and Graham knows it. He apologizes. Lily questions his apology. "Of course I'm sorry!" he asserts. "You think I just go around kissing people's foreheads?" "I have no idea," says Lily the Social Virgin. "I don't. You do have no idea. I really don't. I pride myself on being able to act like a professional." He apologizes again, and Lily accepts it, looking far more at ease. "Then we don't have a problem," she says brightly. She turns on her heel and heads for the door, but Graham throws out a snag.
"There is a problem. God, I feel like I'm jumping off a cliff," he mutters. "What are you talking about?" Lily asks. He stares at his feet and gathers his courage for a few seconds before looking up. "I care about you," he says quietly. Lily is stunned speechless. He says he knows it's ridiculous, and she can say whatever she wants. "But I've been thinking about this, like, twenty hours a day, and I really like you," he purges." Lily looks like she might faint as Graham rambles on, gaining momentum: "I know, I'm not supposed to be saying that. I'm not even supposed to be thinking that. But you're like, like, an eclipse, and I can't not look at you. I have to risk --" "Blindness?" Lily asks, finally able to speak. "Everything!" he finishes. Lily looks like she's struggling for words again, so Graham plunges in, saying, "I wasn't going to say anything, I wasn't even, I wasn't even going to bring it up. I was just going to live with it. But I saw something in your eyes, that maybe you felt something, and it scared you. And I just want you to know that you don't have to be scared."
Graham reaches for Lily's hand, and Lily is starting to protest gently when Rick walks in. Oops again. He surveys the scene in front of him and stays incredibly calm as Lily introduces him to Graham. Graham asks, "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" probably just to turn the screws and make Rick feel like Lily's never mentioned him before. Rick apologizes and says he hopes he didn't barge in on anything. Lily assures him that he didn't, but she's a little rattled. "Obviously you guys are not quite done, so I'll just --" Rick says, making for the door. "No that's okay," Lily insists, but Rick slips out with a little half-wave. Graham looks at Lily, who just says, "Excuse me," and hurries after Rick. Graham closes his eyes for a second, like he's about to think he just blew it, but then stops himself. Lily catches up to Rick in the big main room, and he apologizes for being early. She assures him it's no problem, and says she just has to get her purse. Graham paces the perimeter of the room, watching them from the background. He almost collides with Rick once Lily is gone. Both men look uncomfortable and do the little this-way-that-way dance before they finally move around each other. Lily apprehensively watches the scene as she gathers her coat and purse. When Rick looks her way, she doesn't smile, but looks troubled instead.
After commercials, we return to find Lily and Rick in the middle of dinner at a cozy little bistro. Rick's regaling her with tales of concrete. Lily, astonishingly, seems distracted. Rick notices and says, "You're tired." Right, it couldn't be that she's not interested in building materials. Lily denies it, then adds, "I mean, no more than usual." She props her chin on her hands and appears to give Rick her undivided attention as she murmurs, "I'm so proud of you." Nice diversionary tactic, that. Rick asks if there's something he should know – about Graham. Lily looks startled and repeats the question incredulously. She says, "Of course not. Oh, Rick!" and gives him a big winning smile. She says that Graham is "like a puppy." Rick puts down his coffee cup and asks, "You mean he likes you like a puppy?" Who'd be threatened by a puppy? They're not the most fiery sexual things out there. She says, "No, no! I mean...He's just all over the place, like a puppy. He has the energy of --" "O-Okay," Rick says, pacified. "He's not threatening," Lily assures Rick, and he looks suitably sheepish for being insecure. Then he says, "Because he knows you're mine." Or rather, he grunts and waves his arms around and pounds his chest. "My little caveman," Lily smiles, not at all bothered by Unga Bunga's claim of ownership. Unga smiles and looks quite pleased with himself. Ugh.
The camera pans up a rumpled bed, as morning light filters through a window in the background. It lands on Karen's sleeping face, just as she gasps awake with a panic attack. The lighting in this scene is most unkind, by the way. Karen wakes Leo with her alarmed, "Dear God!" She thought the kids were there. Leo reminds her that it's Thursday, so the kids are at Rick's. There's no danger of their finding Leo in bed with her and figuring out that mama gots to get laid. "I'm losing my mind," she groans, rolling over onto her back. Leo pounces, kissing her shoulder and proclaiming that the mind is an overrated part of the body anyway, especially in bed. He moves down her body, disappearing under the blanket despite Karen's mild protests. She wriggles uncomfortably, and her voice becomes stern. "Leo!" He pops back up, confused. "You want me to go slower?" he asks, always eager to oblige. He starts kissing her shoulder and back while Karen looks distant and bothered.
Cut to Judy and Lily at their favorite café. Judy says, "He did not! He called you an 'eclipse'?" Lily nods and sips her cappuccino. "He told me he's obsessed with me, Judy!" she says urgently, digging splayed fingers into her chest. "It's all my fault!" Judy pshaws. "It is! Because I flirted incorrectly!" Lily claims. Aw, she's so clueless it's almost funny. If it weren't so sad.
Rick, meanwhile, is pouring his heart out to David, which is always a wise move. "What, so you think they're getting it on?" David weasels. Rick says he doesn't, sounding offended at the suggestion. "What, you don't think it's possible for two people to meet at work and become physically attracted to one another?" David wheedles. Rick says he doesn't know why he's telling David this – David's supposed to be making him feel better. Uh huh. You'd really think Rick would have learned by now, wouldn't you? "Look, I can't help it if you can't accept the truth," David says matter-of-factly. "Work is sexy. Everybody knows that, including you." Right, because Rick erects buildings. I get it. Rick looks dazed. Either that, or he overdosed on cold medication.
Back to the Dilemma Café. "Did he kiss you?" Judy asks. No. But he did! "Did he try to?" No. Judy asks what Lily's so worried about, then. "God, I don't know!" Lily whisper-screams. "That I led him on...Maybe I did, you know. I didn't mean to," she says earnestly.
"I mean all this PC crap about how we're supposed to act at work. You think people would actually get up and go to work every morning if they actually thought there was no chance of having sex with their co-workers?" Um, I do. No offense to Wing and Glark, of course. ["Yeah, whatever. You want me." -- Wing Chun] "Lily is not. Having sex. With Graham," Rick asserts. David backpedals, "I didn't say she was." Of course, it's only so he can get more speed as he rolls over Rick one more time with, "I just said maybe she would like to."
Dilemma Café. "Lily it's not as bad as you think!" Judy exclaims, then jokes, "I wish I had your problem. Random guys coming up to me, telling me I'm like an eclipse." Uh, you did. A couple of weeks ago. Except it was better than a random guy: it was Will Gluck. "Very funny," Lily says with no trace of humor. "This is very hard for me." Judy looks thoughtful for a second before suggesting, "Well then, talk to Christy, girl to girl. She'll understand." Two flaws, of course: it's debatable whether Crusty actually is a girl, and it's a fatal error to think she has an ounce of empathy. Lily seems struck by the advice, though. Uh oh.
We see Lily enter Crusty's office apprehensively. She looks a little shocked by what she finds: Crusty sprawled on the floor, eyes closed, and breathing deeply. Oh my god, she's about to shed her skin! Oh, actually, she's just doing yoga. She tells Lily that she should try it sometime – it'll "change [her] life." Lily moves to Crusty's desk and sits on the edge, apologizing in advance for coming to her with this problem. "I don't know how to say this," she falters. "Just...say it," Crusty breathes, unconcerned. "Graham...is hitting on me," Lily states. Crusty pops up off her mat like someone zapped her. "What?" she asks. Lily tells her, "It's much more complicated than that. He seems to be in this fragile place, emotionally, and he thinks he feels something for me." Crusty smirks knowingly, "Ugh. Typical." Lily takes a second, and then starts with, "I thought I needed to talk to you about this --" "Men!" Crusty interrupts, her voice disparaging. "We sent one to the moon. Why not all of them?" She smiles at her little joke and rolls up her mat as Lily says, "Well, obviously I need to confront him." Crusty snaps out of her relaxed state: "What do you mean, 'confront him'?" she demands. "Confront him. Tell him to stop," Lily explains. Crusty says she doesn't think it's a good idea. "What are you saying?" Lily asks. Crusty sighs at Lily's stupidity and snaps, "All right, Lily?" Then she launches into an abbreviated version of Office Flirtation for Dummies: "This kind of thing? It happens a lot. In an office situation. It's like a game? It's a stupid game that men play, but if, you know, you can just ride it out..." Lily asks whether that means she's supposed to do nothing. "Well, what can you do? Walk up to him and demand that he stop caring about you?" Crusty mocks. "You would be laughed out of his office." Lily hops adamantly off the desk and anchors her hands on her hips, saying, "Christy, it's more than that and you know it!" Crusty lays it on the line: "You know I loathe this guy, but we're not at a point of no return here. All I'm saying is just...deal." Lily is agape. She follows as Crusty stows her mat and asks, "Have I gone down the rabbit hole?" she asks, clearly trying to maintain a grip on her calm. "Do you hear what you're saying?" Lily cups a hand to her ear for emphasis. "Lily," Crusty warns. Lily's hand flies to her chest. "Lily, think. Who is Graham Rampolski?" Lily is shocked: "What are you saying?" Crusty is icy cool: "I'm saying he hasn't even touched you. I'm saying I want you to handle it without confronting him. You're a big girl. Just don't make it any worse than it is, okay?" Lily looks like Crusty just hoofed her in the gut. Lily is getting angry now, and there's an edge in her voice as she answers, "I'm not planning on making it any worse than it is. But he has to know that he –" "All right, do you know what?" Crusty barks. "Graham Rampolski, whom I despise, is this magazine's last best hope. No Graham, no PagesAlive. If he leaves us, do you think these venture capitalists will keep funding us? They'll disappear, right along with their money." Lily shakes her head in disbelief. Crusty makes it clear: "There's nothing I can or will do to jeopardize this magazine." Except act entirely petty and unprofessional, spend money irresponsibly, and possibly set the company up for a sexual-harassment lawsuit, you mean. "Do you understand me?" she asks, glaring slightly. Lily stares at Crusty for a minute, wounded, then leaves without saying a word.
Cut to Karen, juggling grocery bags and trying to unlock her front door. Jessie comes barreling up and brushes past her, almost knocking the bags out of Karen's arms. Karen protests, and Jessie rushes back, apologizing, and offers to take the bags, which I'm sure weigh more than she does, judging by the fact that she almost collapses under them. Karen tells her just to take one. Jessie asks Karen if she thinks Leo's home yet. Karen says no, and asks why. He's supposed to take Jessie to the museum, and she's stoked because she hasn't been since she was a little girl. Anyone else have Dr. Wise-Ass's assessment echoing in their heads at this point? Perhaps that's why Jessie has such a fondness for Leo – he lets her feel like a little kid. Karen says she hopes they have fun. "Are you kidding?" Jessie laughs. "Does Leo ever not have fun?" Karen thinks for a moment then agrees, "I guess he is kind of odd that way." She says it like it's a character flaw. Jessie says she really likes it and adds, "I mean, you and Dad aren't exactly going around playing practical jokes all the time." Karen agrees. Jessie continues to rave: "Leo makes ordinary things seem...It's like I'm in a movie when I'm with Leo, you know? Everything is bigger and more exciting." Karen pauses from putting away the groceries, and looks as though she's come to a sinking realization. She appears disturbed. Jessie asks if that's what Karen likes about Leo, too, "because [she] can see where that would be good for [Karen]." You and the rest of the world, kiddo. Karen nods sadly and ruffles Jessie's hair, then gets down to business. She hands Jessie a yogurt and tells her that she has to eat something before she goes to the museum. Karen, of course, has to rush off for a meeting or something, and can't stick around to make sure the kid actually eats it. Jessie sighs and rolls her eyes, looking peeved as Karen grabs her purse and checks her watch. She puts on a good show for her mother, though, exuberantly bidding her goodbye, no doubt trying to alleviate any suspicion or concerns. As soon as Karen leaves, Jessie looks at the yogurt with disgust, makes for the refrigerator and pops it inside.
Jessie's fridge door becomes the Manning's fridge door, as Grace disgustedly heaves it closed and complains, "It's scary in there." Zoe, standing on the counter and rifling through the cupboard, matter-of-factly says, "I told you. We should just have peanut butter and jelly." Lily bursts through the back door, laden with a pizza box and asking who wants some. "I don't even want to look at pizza," Grace bitches. "It seems to be our staple crop around here lately." Lily snipes that she was late and it was fast. Grace apologizes. Zoe moves in for a closer look at the pizza, asking, "Is pizza genetically modified?" The doorbell rings as Lily mutters, "Not that I know of." It's Rick, toting a bottle of red wine. Lily is pleasantly surprised to see him. He points at the wine and asks, "Is this a good year for 'Sorry I've been so busy'?" She counters with, "Well, I hope it's a good year for pepperoni pizza." Dude, it's always a good year for pepperoni pizza.
"Hey Zo," Rick says comfortably as he enters the kitchen. She seems equally at ease, saying, "Hey Rick!" Zoe makes a deal with Lily to do her homework after she watches Wild Discovery for half an hour. She wants to learn how to make houses for bats. Because you never know when such knowledge could come in handy. She heads for the television, and Lily tells Rick, "I'm so glad you’re here!" He admits that, with being so busy lately and not seeing her much, he's started letting his imagination get the better of him. She apologetically says, "I know. I've just been...what?" "Distracted?" he supplies. She assures him that it doesn't mean anything: "It's just all this...office stuff." Rick says he completely understands, and, moving to hug her, says that he misses her. He kisses her, and she pulls away and moves to the sink, still distracted. "We should plan something this weekend," she says. Rick looks a little surprised at being rebuffed. "You okay?" he asks. He says she doesn't seem like herself. "I'm me," she says, loading the dishwasher. "Is it Christy?" he prods. "Is she on your case again?" Lily talks over his questions, insisting that she's fine. "No, please!" she finally says, wearily brushing at her hair. "'Please' what?" Rick asks, genuinely confused. Lily presses a finger to her brow bone and pauses for a moment, seemingly to keep herself under control. "Please just don't try to fix everything," she almost snaps. Rick watches her sadly, then looks down. Lily continues loading the dishwasher.
Cut to Jessie, flopped in an armchair in a darkened living room. She's staring listlessly. Behind her, the front door opens, and Karen is briefly illuminated by the streetlight. She flips on the living-room light and is startled to find Jessie there. When she's able to breathe again, she asks why Jessie is sitting there in the dark. She asks whether Jessie and Leo had a good time at the museum. Jessie stares straight ahead and flatly says, "He never came." Karen is taken aback. "What?" she asks, slowly tucking her hair behind her ear and trying to register what Jessie just said. Jessie repeats it, this time turning to look at Karen with a heartbreaking expression. She looks like she's fighting tears. Karen moves in to dispense some sympathy, but Jessie shies away. "Did he at least call?" Karen asks. Jessie looks at her then looks down. "I don't believe this," Karen mutters. She rubs Jessie's back and says, "There's got to be some reasonable reason why this –" Jessie interrupts with noises of agreement. She says that he probably forgot and had a million things to do. "Well, then he shouldn't have made plans with you," Karen Miss Manners. Jessie makes brush-off gestures, pushes herself out of the chair, and says she'll just finish the report. Karen rubs her eyes, and Jessie pauses behind her and says, "It was about True North." Karen asks what she means. Jessie explains the theory that the pyramids were built using two stars as a guide to align them with True North. "It was the one thing that was constant. To guide them," Jessie says ruefully. I'm guessing that she's thinking Leo isn't exactly True North. Cue Leo. He comes barging through the front door, apologizing profusely. He calls Jessie "penguin," which sends his stock soaring on my exchange. He explains that one of his patients had a reaction to his medication and wound up in the emergency room, and it was pretty intense there for a minute. He moves in to peck Karen on the cheek, and gets a chilly reaction. He moves to kiss Jessie's cheek, but she fidgets self-consciously, so he backs off at the last second. He apologizes emphatically. "Uh, it's okay," she says, glancing uncomfortably at Karen and moving past him toward the door. "I'm...I'll just do my homework," she says and bolts. Karen pops up and starts to go after her. Jessie pauses in the hallway and looks back, teary, before booking to her room.
Karen remains standing with her back to Leo, looking pissed and shaking her head. He sighs and plops down, promising, "I'll make it up to her." He sighs, "I hope she understands." Karen nods tiny, angry little nods and turns around saying, "Yeah. She understands. She understands that people let you down, Leo, but you...to...to...to not even call..." Leo pops up and tries to defend himself, saying, "Hey, stuff happens to people." Karen's not interested. "No, this is not just people! Leo, you mean something to her!" Karen says Jessie sees him there with Karen and knows what it means. She moves away. Leo looks thoughtful for a second and then says, "I know." Karen claims he doesn't. "I have children," she says, adding, "Children that need --" "Parents?" Leo supplies. He points out that Karen's children already have parents. "I'm just trying. Really hard," he says, choked with emotion. Man, I feel for Leo. He just can't win with Karen. First she wants him to keep a little distance from the kids, then she implies that she wants a surrogate parent. And no matter what he does, she's always disapproving, or acts indulgent. "I don't know what else I can do," Leo says. Me neither, man. They each sit on the edge of a chair and look like they're trying to think of what to say .
Cut to PagesAlive.com, where Crusty is assuring people that "having staff meetings like this on a weekly basis is gonna make a tremendous difference." This is something new? No wonder the place is in trouble. She grabs her back of the couch and heads for the door, reminding someone that she needs a list for the blues festival, and telling Lily that she'll be in the car if she's needed for anything. Everyone files out, except for Lily, who's still busy writing notes, and Graham, who's busy trying to nail some alone time with her. He tells her that he wants to talk about yesterday. She says it's okay, that sometimes people say things without thinking. She says it doesn't have to mean anything, necessarily. "Except when it does," he says. Oh, give it up and take the hint already. Lily visibly clenches. In case she missed his point, he says, "Lily, I meant it." He says he's tried to "wish it away," without success, but he "doesn't want to make this [her] problem." She says that it is. He clarifies: he's hoping that since they work so closely, over time she'll get to know him and realize that she has feelings for him too. Dude, what is he on, and where can I get some? He says he's "willing to give it time." Gee, how generous of him. She tells him she has to pick up the kids, and starts to move past him. He asks her to wait and moves into her, quickly leaning in and pecking her on the lips. She pushes him off like he's got the cooties, and waves her fists around in grossed-out frustration, asking, "What are you doing?" He's frozen. She shoves past him, and he turns, getting smarmy and saying, "Just listen..." But she's already gone. Defeated, he throws his hands up and sighs. Way to give it time, there, buddy.
Lily flies out to her desk and grabs her coat and purse in one swift motion. Her bag gets caught on a handle and she yanks it free with barely a backward glace and continues rushing out. The elevator can't get there fast enough, and Lily pounds on the button a few times to hurry it along. She looks nauseated. When it finally arrives, she dives into its refuge and leans wearily against the wall, sighing and wiping unconsciously at her mouth.
We return from commercial, and it's the morning. Lily is snuggled in bed, looking miserable. Her alarm sounds, and she silences it and rolls over. Oh my god, she gets up at 6:30. I know a lot of people probably do, but man. I can't even conceive of it. She tosses around in the bed as Time Passes. Grace and Zoe come into her room and ask why she's not bugging them to get ready. Brushing her teeth, Grace asks if Lily's sick. Lily says she might be and asks if they can get themselves ready. Zoe clambers onto the bed, saying, "I know just how you feel. Sometimes, I don't want to go to school." Lily smiles and brushes the hair out of Zoe's eyes.
Soliloquy Lily voice-overs: "There's raising children, and then there's raising girls." What an odd statement, but I get what she means. We cut to a shot of Lily on the Stool, saying, "And if I ever dare to imagine anything happening to them, where a man tries to...More than anything, I want them to be strong."
Zoe asks if she can stay home with Lily. Lily plays with Zoe's braids and says that she has to "figure some stuff out." She tells Zoe to go get ready and then rolls over to reach for the cordless. She leaves a message for Crusty, apologizing and saying she thinks she's getting the flu. She really is naïve: she doesn't even try to sound sick.
Over at Karen's, it's already afternoon, and Jessie's busy doing homework on the coffee table, while Leo's slumped in an armchair tossing a tiny Nerf football into the air. The house has a Sunday feel. A Sunday-and-your-super-religious-grandparents-from-out-of-town-are-here kind of feel. Restless, Leo tries distracting Jessie. Karen watches the two of them goof around like a couple of siblings. Jessie's adamant about doing her homework, and goes off to seek the quiet of her room.
Left without a playmate, Leo ambles into the kitchen, where Karen is working away on her laptop. He stands behind Karen, who's obviously tired and stressed, and starts rubbing her neck. She looks thoughtful as he massages, and eventually asks, "What are we doing?" He answers that he's "touching [her] in strict accordance with the manual." She laughs a tiny laugh and puts her hand on his to stop it. "No, I mean, what are we really doing with each other?" Leo solemnly asks, "What kind of question is that?" She says it's "the kind of question everyone asks sooner or later." He wants to know why they can't "ask it later." He sits to her at the table.
Karen sounds like she's holding back tears as she says, "We knew, we both knew going into this that it couldn't last." Leo says he didn't know that. She says that she did. Leo is starting to look a little panicked. His Adam's apple bobs up and down as he struggles for something to say. He finally turns his back to her and tries to gather some composure. "Hey, it's hard," he finally manages, "I'll give you that. It's hard walking into the middle of someone's life and always trying to play catch-up." Karen reaches toward him, saying, "Leo, Leo you're so young. You have your --" He spins, saying, "My whole life ahead of me? Don't hold that against me, okay? That's like me holding your kids against you." Karen leans forward, saying, "I love that you're young. You make me feel young. It's been so --" "I love you!" Leo exclaims, full of passion. She smiles ruefully and looks down at the table. She says he's going to want a family, and that he's got to think about his own life. "I thought I wasn't thinking about my life," he says. "With you." Karen can't meet his eyes. She says to the table, "Leo, we can't just...We met at this moment in time when we just seemed to magically fit together." Leo gets up and paces. "I am going to fight you on this," he declares. Karen stands and moves toward him, saying tearfully, "Leo, do you have any idea how much Jessie cares for you?" He asks, "Isn't that what you wanted?" Karen moves away a little and says, "Not when she's gonna have to..." She lets out a shuddering sigh and continues, "Look, we can't keep doing this. It’s not good for me, and it's not good for Jessie. It’s only going to rip her apart." "You're ending this?" Leo exclaims, tearing at his hair. He desperately looks around for a beat then says, "I love you. And I know you love me." Karen is unmoved and impatiently cuts him off saying, "Leo, I need to be clear about what I'm doing now! With you!" Leo's making unhappy puppy-dog eyebrows. Karen continues, "I mean, I could keep going with this, with what we have, if it were just me. But it's not!" Leo is dazed speechless. He blinks back tears and staggers a few paces before finally speaking. "Well, I'll get my stuff later, I guess. I want to talk to them. You know, I don't want to just disappear." Karen pats his arm and assures him they'll talk. They both look at the floor. Karen is openly crying. Leo grabs her arm and says, "Just know...I love you." She nods wordlessly and keeps her eyes on the floor. Leo touches her chin tentatively, lifts her face, and gently kisses her before walking out. Karen stands there, taking deep breaths, shaking her head, and basically trying to calm down. I think she'll be sorry.
Over at Rick's office, Lily pulls him out of a meeting. He asks whether everything is okay. "No, it isn't," she answers cryptically, "but it will be." She gestures toward the conference room and tells him it can wait until after his meeting. Hang on while I pick myself up off the floor. Rick takes her by the arm and leads her away, saying that he wants to know what's going on. "I just wanted you to know that you're not insane," she says. "Well, thank you," he answers. "You can pull me out of a meeting any time to tell me that." She rolls her eyes and clarifies: "I mean you haven't been imagining that something's wrong. Something is very wrong, and I'm going to deal with it..." "Tell me what's wrong. What is it?" Rick demands. "It's a work situation," she says reluctantly. "It's complicated." Rick asks, "You gonna tell me or torture me?"
Lily takes a deep breath and then just comes out with it. "Graham has been making my life very difficult," she says. Rick nods, getting revved up. "He has," he says. Cut to a shot of David, watching the scene through the conference room's glass wall. The camera spins around to his perspective, and it turns out those walls aren't too soundproof. We can faintly hear Lily say, "I feel so humiliated. Why is that?" Rick tensely paces around. He points in the direction of the door, his head bobbing with attitude, as he asks, "You want me to go over there and talk to him?" Suddenly, the camera's back to them, as Rick continues, "Because I will gladly go over there and talk to him." I think Rick wants to do a little communicating with his fists, don't you? Lily begs him not to, saying she can handle it. He tells her that she can't just expect him to do nothing. "Yes, I do," she answers. Wow, this is a new and improved Lily, isn't it? Fighting her own battles and everything. She waits until he calms a little and then stares into his eyes and says, slowly and clearly, "I can handle this." He wants to know how. She says she's not completely sure, but she will handle it. "Well, while you're thinking about it, I could be over there smashin' his face in," Rick says, trying for menace. Dude, get yourself a massage and a nice lavender candle and chill out. Lily assures him again that she doesn't want him to help her. He says she can't just tell him about this and then leave. She puts her hands on his face and says that she just needs to know that he loves her. Rick softens, the tension easing a little, and sighs. "You have no idea how much I love you," he whispers. She strokes his face, smiles, and kisses his cheek. Then she's off to kick some ass. She is woman, hear her roar!
Lily storms into PagesAlive, nearly knocking over some innocent bystander who flattens himself against the wall and doesn't look too impressed. She marches directly to the conference room, and whispers something into Crusty's ear. Crusty excuses herself and follows Lily out. Lily leads her to Graham's office, refusing to answer Crusty's questions along the way. She strides into Graham's office, her arms swinging defiantly rather than clamped tightly over her chest, and announces that there is something she would like to tell him, and she wants Crusty to hear it. She plants her hands on her hips as Crusty moves symbolically to the other side of the desk. Lily tries to start, but nothing comes out. She gestures angrily for a second, and then finally unleashes it: "You are making it impossible for me to do my job. And it is completely not acceptable for you to do that." Crusty tries to intervene. "I find this ludicrous," Graham announces, sitting in his chair like a smug little buddha. Crusty concurs. So does Lily, which surprises them. Graham pops out of his chair and asks, with an edge in his voice, "What are you doing? What do you hope to accomplish?" Lily repeats the question and then answers, "Maybe restoring my dignity." Graham condescends that her dignity has nothing to do with him. "It has everything to do with you, and you know it!" Lily exclaims. Crusty cuts in again, telling them they can talk about this "rationally." She warns Lily not to say anything that she might regret. Lily agrees that she wants to "say something that [she] will never regret." She turns her attention back to Graham and says, "You know what? You...you...god! You're right. My dignity has nothing to do with you." Graham stares at her with hard eyes. "It has to do with me," she continues. "And if you ever, ever touch me inappropriately again, or harass me or in any way make it impossible for me to perform my job, I will sue you, and I will have your ass fired!" Wow, kapow! Lily really looked boss spitting out those words. Go Lily! Graham turns his head and lowers it a little. Lily turns to Crusty to deliver this one: "No matter what happens to this magazine!" Crusty raises her stony face slightly to acknowledge the threat. Lily thanks them, glares, spins on her heel, and burns out of there. Crusty and Graham are left standing there, dumbfounded and uncomfortable. Lily returns to her desk, takes a deep breath, and tries to get to work. While I'm thrilled for her that she finally found some balls, I have a feeling that this little confrontation isn't over, and I don't think she's going to enjoy playing with Crusty and Graham on the defensive.