Best Served Cold

S09E14

Pam shows up for work and sees that the mural she's been working on in the warehouse has been defaced. She's outraged, but with Andy and Jim gone, Dwight and Nellie are the only ones with the remotest interest in helping her find the culprit. Working together, they get Nate the half-deaf warehouse worker to finger Frank, a big, bearded Neanderthal who is unrepentant. When it becomes clear that no justice will be forthcoming, Pam decides to pursue vengeance instead. Dwight is still more than up for that.

Angela and her husband are hosting a first birthday party for their son, but it's really more of a campaign event. Oscar is touched to have been invited and when Angela tries to line up a revenge-date of her own, she has to settle for Kevin instead. But at the party, the Senator ends up grandstanding about diversity, using Oscar for a photo-op that includes as many brown people as he was able to scrape up on short notice. Classy. At least Kevin tells the Senator off, though. About time someone did.

In Philadelphia, temporary roommates Darryl and Jim are experiencing some friction as a result of their widely varying housekeeping habits and Jim's lack of respect for Darryl's stuff. They argue, but manage to patch it up. Because Jim has realizes what really matters.

Yeah, about that. When Pam and Dwight execute some temporary vandalism on Frank's truck, the warehouse worker freaks out and comes charging angrily at Pam in the parking lot. But Brian steps between them, braining Frank with his microphone boom and getting both himself and Frank fired. But on his way out, Brian promises Pam that whenever she needs him, he'll be there for her. You know… unlike Jim.

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What's worse than weecapping three shows in one night? Weecapping four shows in one night. Thanks for doubling up on me tonight, The Office.

Nellie's looking for Darryl, and Erin assures her that he's around somewhere, but she's just covering for him in his absence. "Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies!" she THs excitedly. This is a world that includes "Do Not Disturb" signs on Darryl's office door, Darryl "sneaking" out the back while Erin distracts the bullpen with jumping jacks, and a giant stuffed bear in a suit coat that she's dubbed "Bear-ryl." From the Philly office, Darryl assures us that he's just been using saved-up sick days and everyone knows he's been moonlighting, but he's playing along with Erin because she's having so much fun. "That guy's hilarious. He's here today," Erin tells Phyllis back in the office while Bear-ryl falls off its chair behind the drawn blinds. Well, I'm glad someone's having fun.

Coming into the warehouse for a day of painting on her mural, Pam says her boss is cool with it, "because he's in the Bahamas and has no clue what anybody's doing." Which appears to include Creed flying a kite from his desk. Pam's all excited about her progress until she comes around the corner and finds butts and "THIS SUCKS" spray-painted all over the nearly finished mural in orange paint. Obviously she's horrified.

Angela comes into the office a little overdressed, announcing that she's leaving early for her son's first birthday party. No children, though. "Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew." So it'll mostly be campaign donors. Of course it will. Apparently the Senator is never not running. Kevin offers to come off of eight dollars on the spot in exchange for an invitation, but Angela shoots him down. And, preemptively, everyone else. When she sits down, though, Oscar whispers to her that the Senator also invited him. Angela is almost shocked enough to start yelling, but Oscar does a gratified TH in which he says he and the Senator are in love, and that Robert is risking everything to have him there today. "Me!" Cut to Angela yelling at her husband down her cell phone in the stairwell: "If you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too." So clearly we can see where this is going.

The scene: a small apartment in Philadelphia. Apparently Jim and Darryl are roommates. And, as it turns out, Jim is the Oscar and Darryl is the Felix. Darryl THs about how he loves Jim for hooking him up with a job, but has some complaints about his housekeeping habits, such as Jim's insistence on letting his dishes soak before washing them. Darryl finally adds, with barely suppressed rage, "He hooked me up with a job."

Pam gets up on the cherry picker she's been using to paint from and uses the megaphone to demand that the culprit identify himself (or herself, as Val closes herself into her office). Nobody's intimidated, so she comes back down and does a TH full of impotent outrage. "Val's no help, Andy's gone, Jim's out. I just feel like I'm on my own here." Then the boom mike drifts down and bumps her gently on the forehead, prompting her to grin, "I mean, okay, not completely on my own, but in terms of people who can do something. Thank you, Brian." Brian again. Must be easy to flirt when the primary tool of your job is a big furry phallus that you can stick into any part of the room.

In the Philly office, Jim and Darryl are working well together, at least until Darryl notices that Jim's drinking out of a go-cup labeled "Darryl."

Pam storms into the bullpen and orders everyone into the conference room for an emergency meeting. Dwight questions her authority to do any such thing, so Pam bluffs that David Wallace gave her the okay. Dwight buys it, and calls everyone in. Pam announces indignantly to the gathered employees that someone painted all over her mural, but gets bogged down first by an explanation to Erin about how that's bad, then a digression about Meredith's phone number on the men's room wall. Oscar politely blows her off, and indeed nobody else is as invested in this situation as she is. They soon realize David Wallace had nothing to do with calling this meeting, and most of them leave. Except Dwight, who promises to help her by saying, "If there's anything I hate worse than art, it's crime." Pam: "Thank you?" Nellie's also on the case, assuring Pam, "I believe in you, I believe in your art and I am bored." Pam THs that she was hoping for an angry mob, but both Dwight and Nellie have mob mentalities, and she's pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car. "You need my pitchfork?" Dwight asks breathlessly from the doorway. Pam seems to appreciate his commitment, at least.

Angela intercepts Dwight to invite him to the birthday party. He's not interested, even when she offers to let him pitch his beet-salt idea to the state transportation secretary. Kevin, having overheard, offers to fill in. And when Angela turns him down, he agrees, "I'll just stay here then. Alone, with the money." Angela: "Oh, crap." There's actual cash in this office?

The first stage of Dwight and Nellie's investigation amounts to trying to trick the warehouse workers into drawing butts for Dwight and signing them. Val breaks it up, and Pam tells her detectives that they need to get the weakest one alone. Obviously that's Nate. Dwight says they'll get him alone by telling him his mother is dying. "That usually works on him." Sure enough, Dwight waves his cell phone and breaks the news, and Nate falls to his knees in grief. "See, I feel bad about that," Pam says, but not bad enough to have stopped it. Cut to Val's office, where Nate's just learned his mother will be okay again, but she needs her rest. Again. They move on to the question of who defaced the mural, Dwight playing good cop by offering gum and Pam being the bad cop by getting in his face. Nate immediately points to a large, bearded worker I don't remember seeing in a episode, but is pretty disappointed to learn there's no gum.

Oscar and Kevin are hanging together at the party, Kevin knowledgeably reviewing the canapés and Oscar remarking on the severe portrait of Angela above the fireplace. "How can someone who weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying?" he wonders. The Senator is announced, and he and Angela engage in some bad award-show banter for the entertainment of the guests. Who, fortunately, seem easily entertained.

Jim and Darryl have just finished a presentation when Darryl calls Jim "Darryl," because of the cup Jim's still holding with Darryl's name on it. Jim acts like Daryl's being a jerk about things, like, if a person cares enough about their stuff to put their name on it, it's pretty disrespectful to ignore that. Not seeing it that way, Jim makes a big production out of dumping the cup's entire contents into the trash. "You want me to wash it for you?" he mocks. "You gonna wash it or you gonna let it soak?" Darryl mocks right back. So this is going well.

In the conference room, Pam, Toby, and Nellie confront the bearded warehouse worker, Frank, who isn't talking. Pam tries to prime the pump by apologizing for encroaching on his space and waits expectantly. "I'm sorry I didn't like your crappy doodles," Frank spits. "I drew a butt. Big deal, Butts are funny." Pam disagrees, so he advises her to get the stick out of hers, and announces that they can't fire him, so "screw you." He gets up and leaves, and Pam asks what Toby's going to do about this. He and Nellie agree that it seemed pretty sincere, so clearly that's going to be the end of it, officially at least. Pam takes her frustrations out to Dwight, who mocks her touchy-feeliness until she declares, "We should go scorched earth on that guy's face." Dwight THs, "Normally I find Pam to be a comforting if un-arousing presence around the house, like a well-watered fern. But today she has tapped into this vengeful, violent side and I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt." What is with the butts this episode? Back at their desk-clump, Pam tells Dwight that they need an infiltrator. Dwight turns in his chair to look at Clark, who is oblivious to his very near future. "He even looks like a mole," Dwight says.

At the campaign birthday party, some grayhair comments on the obvious connection between Robert and Oscar, and Robert readily agrees that they're good friends, then loudly turns Oscar into a prop for what is an obviously premeditated appeal to Latino voters. Even Angela does an embarrassed facepalm at this craven display, although it's hard to tell whether she's more embarrassed on Oscar's behalf or her own. Oscar looks hurt, but THs after the fact that Robert could have invited any of the Hispanic people he knows. Like his gardener, who Oscar belatedly realizes is Malaysian.

Apparently Darryl and Jim are spending their lunch breaks at home. Jim gives Darryl some grief about his labeling habit, and Darryl admits that he gets "finicky" about his stuff. Jim thinks they're all good, but rolls his eyes when Darryl refuses to tell him what's in his lunch cooler. And when Darryl fires up the DVR and wonders where his Tavis Smileys are, Jim says, "Oh, crap, were those yours?" You know, Michael had his faults, but that's a mistake he never would have made.

Dwight and Pam theatrically drag Clark down to the warehouse, dressed in a coverall as though they're banishing him to the warehouse. Clark plays along, but quietly says, "Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? I mean you're smart--" but Pam pops a stocking cap on his head and sends him on in there with a reminder to remember his lines.

Later, Pam and Dwight are hiding in a makeshift sniper's nest in the warehouse, observing the workers from above while Pam is on the phone to Darryl. She's pumping him for info on what's important to Frank. Darryl, thinking they're getting him a gift (because Pam pretty much lies and says that's about right), says Frank loves his pickup truck. There's a brief plot crossover as Darryl adds, "Your husband's like a sloppy, homeless hobo. Can you fix that?" "I was kinda hoping you could," Pam says, hanging up and thus blowing him off in two ways at once. She and Dwight sneak back out, just before the camera pans down to Clark, duct-taped to a chair with the word "spy" written on his chest. So obviously both sides are being idiots.

There's a photo op going on at the part, and the photographer arranges some guy named Sundeep, Oscar, a black cater-waiter, and a woman in a wheelchair around the senator. Angela steps on Oscar's foot while trying to stay in the shot.

Pam sees that Dwight is painting a primitive version of her mural on the back of Frank's truck, in a kind of karmic symmetry. She's been doing her own project, painting a fat, naked, pooping version of Frank on his own driver's side door. Now they both feel better, and Dwight says, "I like hanging out with a vengeful bitch." Rather than taking offense, Pam understandingly realizes that he misses Angela. "Don't sympathize, you're ruining the mood. Back to work. Draw his penis!" Dwight snaps.

As Pam's leaving for the day, she says she got back at Frank in the most fitting way possible, with her art. "The paints are water-based. It's gonna come off with a hose, but--" she's interrupted when Frank comes storming out of the building yelling at Pam. She yells right back at him, and Frank starts charging her. Now the last time a warehouse worker came at an office employee like this it was Roy going after Jim, but Dwight was there to intercede. This time, Pam's on her own -- except for the crew, again. Sure enough, Brian steps between them and clotheslines Frank with his microphone boom. Soon Frank is back up and grappling with three of the documentarians. Don't worry, there are still at least two shooting footage.

By M. Giant

After the party, Robert patronizingly asks Angela and Oscar if they've calmed down. Oscar apologizes, and so does Angela. But when Kevin comes to thank Robert for the food, he adds, "Also, you suck. You are, like, a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good." Oscar and Angela follow Kevin off the porch, looking pretty vindicated.

Pam's talking to Brian in what looks like the film equipment room, offering to talk to the producers, because he's apparently already been fired. For you know, preventing an assault. I gave up on this question years ago, but now I have to ask again: who the fuck is making this documentary? Brian says it's cool and he's glad they're firing Frank, too. And he adds, "I don't want to put myself where I don't belong. If you ever need me, you just call me. And I'll be there for you." Whoa, that's putting himself out there. She thanks him and he leaves the building. Pam follows him only as far as just outside the room, looking shell-shocked, and closes the door behind herself. Which reveals that this was that door behind Oscar's desk all along. Or, to put it another way, if Jim's not staring at the door of the film equipment room, he's not livin'.

Jim THs, "Wow, this whole Philly thing has been so much fun that I may have lost sight of what really matters." He cleans up the apartment, continuing, "Having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people who you really care about. I mean, that's just Roommates 101." And the episode ends with him and Darryl playing video games, and Darryl good-naturedly tossing his empty can on the floor to demonstrate his own new lad-back attitude. What a relief that Jim's got his most important relationship back in order.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.