Jim and Pam go to Roy's wedding, which is at 8:00 AM on Wednesday for no other reason than it's the only way to fit it into the rest of the episode. After the newly affluent Roy surprises his bride by performing a song (surprising Jim and Pam even more), Pam starts wondering if she and Jim can still surprise each other. Jim is, of course, currently sitting on the "surprise" that he's decided to jump in on his college buddy's new business after he and Pam agreed that he wouldn't, and he's putting off telling her. Which is dumb enough to begin with, but even after a whole day of kidding around the subject of marital secrets in which Jim continues to hide his news and Pam gets increasingly suspicious, he doesn't take the opportunity to come clean.
Clark (a.k.a. Dwight, Jr.) tells Erin he's got a friend who's looking for a news anchor. Thus his request for Erin to show up at his apartment so he can get her on video wearing different outfits. Pete (a.k.a. The New Jim) is disgusted by this, but Andy is thrilled and throws himself into helping Erin prepare. What ends up happening, of course, is that Andy ends up in front of Clark's camera alone, while Erin ends up having dinner with Pete.
In even stupider news, Dwight tries to sabotage Nellie's charity initiative by pledging his support for a Taliban front group. Nellie attempts to call his bluff by inviting him to live by Taliban law, specifically daring him to cut off her hands for stealing his pen. Where will this standoff end? Exactly where it began: nowhere smart, believable, or interesting.
And speaking of standoffs, Pam finally straight-up asks Jim what he's not telling her -- and he continues not telling her. You're just making it worse for yourself in the long run, Big Tuna.
With the building's custodian on vacation for the month and the building's landlord (Dwight) too cheap to hire a temp, the office has descended into squalor. So it's Pam to the rescue with the "chore wheel," which can be turned to assign jobs to individuals. But since it doesn't spin freely, Pam has to come back with a new version that does. That seems a lot more fun until everyone realizes that even spinning ends with work. "I don't think you understand wheels," says a disappointed Kevin. Eventually Pam comes up with a brighter, more colorful wheel with prizes and penalties, but no actual chores. The employees love this version. However, the "Tiny Wheel" that serves as one of the prizes does have chores, and after "winning" a spin of it, Meredith happily goes to complete her randomly assigned task of cleaning the toilets, while the camera zooms in on a rat exploring the garbage-strewn bullpen. Which is symbolic somehow.
Jim and Pam are off to Roy's wedding. "I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiancé's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiancé," Jim says. But that's what you have to do when you want to shoehorn a wedding into the beginning of an episode that takes place in the office during a workday, I suppose.
Erin gives a letter to the new customer service guy, Pete. Clark's also customer service, but Erin's alternating between them. And Clark's being kind of weird and awkwardly chatty with her anyway.
Nellie is distributing flyers for her new charity initiative. She THs that Andy's shot down all her other ideas, but with this one being about charity, "I'd like to see him piss on that one." I'm sure she will.
At the wedding, which appears to be happening in a backyard, Roy happily greets his old boss Darryl, who's there with Val. Phyllis and Bob are also in attendance, but almost everybody else appears to be at work, where they're supposed to be. Jim and Pam arrive out front, and are surprised to see how nice Roy's house is. It does look like a smaller version of David Wallace's. They're greeted by a waiter carrying a tray loaded with mimosas and awkwardness, and when Jim ignores a call on his cell phone, Pam asks who it is. "My ex-fiancée," Jim prevaricates. Then he privately THs about his new business, although Pam doesn't know. "Actually, I did tell Pam, and we decided no. But then I decided yes anyway! So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming, and it's hard to know when that will be." Well, Jim, I would suggest looking in your calendar and penciling it in for your available immediately.
Nellie explains her "Operation Giveback," in which the employees get to pick which charity Dunder Mifflin's overwhelming largesse of four grand will go to. Kevin likes Heifer International, which he thinks is a great prank, while Creed wants to help Jimmy Carter build gnomes. Dwight wants no part of it, even when Andy talks up his support of a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Nellie insists that participation is mandatory, so Dwight announces he'll support the "Global Relief Foundation... which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban!" He thinks he's killed the whole thing.
Jim has an awkward conversation with Roy, in which Roy kids him about having dodged a bullet. It turns out Roy started a gravel company that took off. Jim hints at stuff he himself is working on (though vaguely enough to provide plausibility should it get back to Pam), and another guy comes up and tells Roy to "Stop wasting time with this haircut. He's got a $50,000 sports car."
In the break room, while sitting to Pete, Clark is loudly faking a cell phone conversation with someone supposedly looking for someone "pretty, smart, and well-informed." He pretends to suddenly notice Erin and propose having her come over to his place to get some stuff on tape for a friend looking for "on-air talent." Different outfits, some lipstick, some red wine, and promises that it'll be "tasteful" are all giant red flags, all of which Erin totally misses. Clark goes for a fist-bump from Pete, who leaves him hanging and THs, "No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits to me at the office." Erin talks about how she's only a receptionist because that was the ad she answered, but what if it had been an ad for a CEO or brain surgeon? Well, then she probably wouldn't be a receptionist.
At the wedding, Roy is toasting his new bride, who he thought was a waitress until she turned out to be the owner. His point is that she's full of surprises, not that she surprises us by getting so much as a line. As a surprise for her, he sits down at the piano and sings "She's Got a Way" by Billy Joel. Pam and Jim sit with their jaws hanging open while Phyllis and Bob make out to them.
In the car, Pam desperately says, "We still surprise each other." Jim agrees, but passes on the obvious opening to do so now. Pam "reveals" that she planned to surprise him on his 30th birthday with courtside basketball seats, but it turned out it was an away game in Phoenix. Jim already knew this, of course. Pam wonders if they know everything about each other, and invites Jim to tell her one thing about him she doesn't know Jim: "Awkward pause."
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Back at the office, Jim tries to amuse Pam with a story about his brothers that she already knew. Overhearing, Angela brags about how she's always waiting to see what her husband is going to surprise her with , causing Oscar to choke on his coffee. It's probably not the first time the senator has made him gag.
Nellie decides to call Dwight's bluff by getting him to agree to live according to the laws of the Taliban while in the office. Dwight readily agrees, signing her pledge and everything. He figures she has no plan, since her pledge is printed in a ridiculous font. "When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan," Nellie THs. Her first (and only, it will turn out) move is to steal Dwight's pen and then dare him to cut off her hand as a thief. She gives him a meat cleaver and everything. Dwight advises her to spend a last few quality moments with her hand, which she agrees to do, telling him that after she makes three calls, "You can become a person who chops off people's hands." And to think they came so close to sleeping together.
After finding out about Clark's plans for Erin, Andy storms into the annex for a "little chat" with him. Pete looks on in anticipation of a righteous smackdown, until Andy asks Clark what clothes she needs. Clark lists off some perv-wear, and Andy obliviously hands him a credit card to go pick it all up. Pete watches helplessly as Clark heads out.
In the kitchen, this nonsense with Jim and Pam has devolved into "The Oldywed Game," with Toby and Kevin and Phyllis having joined Angela and Oscar as the audience-slash-Bob Eubanks. Of course Jim knows all about Pam, and it gets a little awkward when Toby does too. Jim gets up to answer a cell phone call from the business partner Pam still doesn't know he has. "It's not even real yet!" he THs defensively. "And I'm not gonna tell her until it's real." In the meantime, Pam's getting pretty suspicious anyway.
At Andy's instruction, Darryl announces an "optional" meeting to discuss Erin's confidence (read: body). Darryl explains that he's Andy's new Assistant Regional Manager. Andy sold the idea to Darryl as being a "consigliere," figuring Darryl was into The Godfather because he's black. "Wrong! I'm into The Godfather because I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface because I'm black." The Office, now with jokes you could have written yourself! In the meeting, Andy stands in front of the room with Erin telling them about how she needs confidence about her body for her upcoming "news" audition. Jim and Oscar begin wondering what Erin's looks have to do with this. "I will do whatever it takes to get the job." Erin says. "Whatever it takes," Clark whispers excitedly to Pete.
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In the break room, it's Nellie, and Dwight, and the meat cleaver, and a cutting board. And a lot of bluffing.
Erin's trying to read some fake news to Darryl and Andy about Hamid Karzai's "dollar days." Darryl wonders about where the story came from, while Andy's more concerned about the length of the pause in her tag. The resulting twenty seconds where nobody's talking are my favorite part of the episode.
Back at their desks, Pam decides to come off a big secret of her own: a guy from her high school ran into her at the mall and hit on her a few weeks ago. "That didn't happen. You would have told me right away," Jim says. Of course Pam's just fishing, trying to keep it light, which is more than Jim deserves at this point. "Between your birth and the last two days. Just tell me." "Give it up, Beesly. You know me too well," Jim scoffs. Keep digging, Tuna.
Dwight is taking roughly forever warming up to remove Nellie's hands, while she calmly drinks a soda. Darryl enters, takes in the scene, and backs right out again.
Pete joins Erin and Andy in Andy's office, telling them that Erin's going to need a cohost. Somebody who's already got rapport with Erin." Andy seems to get the clue.
Darryl decides to give Dwight and Nellie something for inspiration, and to kill the time: a laptop showing 127 Hours.
Andy, Pete, and Erin all show up at Clark's place, which he's got made up as some kind of love-den. Clark whisperingly asks Pete what's up, and Pete says Erin needed a co-anchor. "I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied." Cut to the audition. Clark is ready to wrap it up, but Andy wants a couple more takes for himself. But Erin's hungry, so Andy asks Pete to take her out for a burger. "Yeah, whatever you say, boss," Pete agrees readily. Erin THs, "Even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And maybe it'll work out for Andy." But judging from the romantic double-shot of Erin and Pete chatting together in the window of the diner, it seems to be working out best of all for Plop.
Late at night, Dwight and Nellie's sit-off continues over the end of 127 Hours and they discuss moving on to Rise of the Planet of the Apes before descending into childish bickering. Over James Franco. And to think they haven't slept together yet.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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By M. Giant
Dwight is taking roughly forever warming up to remove Nellie's hands, while she calmly drinks a soda. Darryl enters, takes in the scene, and backs right out again.
Pete joins Erin and Andy in Andy's office, telling them that Erin's going to need a cohost. Somebody who's already got rapport with Erin." Andy seems to get the clue.
Darryl decides to give Dwight and Nellie something for inspiration, and to kill the time: a laptop showing 127 Hours.
Andy, Pete, and Erin all show up at Clark's place, which he's got made up as some kind of love-den. Clark whisperingly asks Pete what's up, and Pete says Erin needed a co-anchor. "I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied." Cut to the audition. Clark is ready to wrap it up, but Andy wants a couple more takes for himself. But Erin's hungry, so Andy asks Pete to take her out for a burger. "Yeah, whatever you say, boss," Pete agrees readily. Erin THs, "Even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And maybe it'll work out for Andy." But judging from the romantic double-shot of Erin and Pete chatting together in the window of the diner, it seems to be working out best of all for Plop.
Late at night, Dwight and Nellie's sit-off continues over the end of 127 Hours and they discuss moving on to Rise of the Planet of the Apes before descending into childish bickering. Over James Franco. And to think they haven't slept together yet.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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