It's another all-staff event outside the office, and this time it's a fundraiser for local dog shelters, hosted by Angela's husband the state senator. Andy's still fired, but he shows up anyway as Erin's date, quickly making everyone uncomfortable with his manic insistence that he's doing great. Despite his cheerful façade, he's clearly still feeling a great deal of animosity towards Robert for firing him, and as the evening progresses, he ends up adopting twelve elderly, special-needs dogs just to show Robert up.
Other staff members are keeping busy, too. Nellie tries to bond with Darryl over tacos, for which he laughs at her but later gives her credit for trying. Dwight thinks the silent auction is like a game from The Price is Right in which he can win the items simply by correctly guessing their prizes, and doesn't realize his mistake until the end of the evening when he learns he just donated thirty-four grand. And Jim and Pam humor Oscar, who thinks the state senator just hit on him. Until he realizes he didn't. Until the state senator possibly hits on him again.
While learning about all the incredibly high maintenance that his new wolfpack will call for, Andy admits to his friends that he's just trying to convince everyone that he's okay. We got that, thanks. Too bad so many others had to suffer for us to get that point across, not least of all the dogs.
Ryan is clearly upset about something and wanting somebody to ask him what's wrong. When Pam finally, reluctantly does, he breaks the news that Smokey Robinson died about an hour ago. He's acting all upset about it, but can't come up with any other songs he remembers by the great man other than "Tracks of My Tears." While everyone's calling him on it, Oscar finds an online report that it's a hoax anyway. Ryan acts all relieved, and Jim has just found out Smokey Robinson will be playing at a college three hours away, giving Ryan the chance to finally see his "idol." Pam mock-excitedly points out, "$250 is nothing to the world's biggest Smokey Robinson fan!" Ryan acts all repelled by the opening act, Paul Anka, and storms out complaining about the price of parking. "Tears of a Clown!" Pam calls out. "Don't call me a clown, Pam, you're better than that," Ryan says. She certainly does seem to think so. She sips her coffee with more self-satisfaction than she'll get from anything she does for her actual job all year.
Andy's still tipping over Old Salty in the truncated opening credits, just so you know.
Robert enters, wearing a tie for the first time in memory. It develops that Angela's husband, the state senator, is holding a fundraiser for local dog shelters that night and Robert bought the staff two tables. "It's going to be a who's who of the northern 22nd district," Angela excitedly THs.
Dwight comes in to report that they're all about to be killed. "There's a disgruntled ex-employee sitting in his car in the parking lot!" he announces. But Erin assures everyone that Andy's just hanging out. Yeah, that's not weird at all. Dwight heads up to the roof with his "gym bag," and Nellie is taking this personally. "Everybody told me if I moved to America, I'd be murdered," she says. Most of the staff looks like, "Yeah, I can see that."
Jim, Pam, Kevin, Angela, and Erin come out to visit Andy in his car, and also so Erin can get some cell phone footage of Andy saying everything's okay. Andy calmly explains that he's just Erin's plus-one for the fundraiser, which Kevin thinks is going to be weird. At least it explains why Andy's sitting in the parking lot in a suit and tie.
Darryl has Nellie sign some papers, in a scene whose point is to show that Nellie's so out of touch with the warehouse that she literally doesn't know where it physically is. Along with many other things. Still, she's hopeful that the evening could lead to her becoming good friends with Darryl. "The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me." And the fact that this has never been any kind of a deal before.
At the fundraiser, Angela is in the middle of introducing the two Roberts (California and Lipton) to each other when Andy shows up, leaves his ex-boss hanging for a minute waiting to shake hands, and then gives him a big hug. Then he THs, "Where do I look? It's been so long since I did one of these things." He claims to be doing great, though.
Kevin brags to Creed that he just bid a mere $20 on jujitsu lessons in the silent auction: "No one's raping this guy!" Creed says he doesn't want to get raped, and bids $22, to Kevin's chagrin. Dwight thinks a more accurate price is $180, so he writes it down, even as Kevin tries to explain to him how the bidding works. "You guess the price, you win the prize," Dwight duhs. "Have you never been to a Quaker fair before?" Kevin cackling-heads that this makes Dwight the stupid guy in the office. "Because up till now, we didn't have one."
Andy's telling Ryan and the Halperts about the rock opera he's been writing, and how great he's doing. "Oh, this guy's having a breakdown," Ryan THs. He should know.
The Senator gives Oscar his cell phone number, ostensibly to help with the animal shelters, and adds that he's most likely to pick up after 9:00 PM. Oscar holds onto the card and THs, "This confirms three things: I'm right about the senator, I still got it, and poor Angela." In order of importance.
At one of the Dunder Mifflin-Sabre tables, Andy tells Robert about the villain of his piece, Thomas Oregon, who tries to destroy all the guitars in the world because of how music is the one thing he can't control. Sure, Robert California can be called a lot of things, but a control freak isn't one of them. After Andy loudly sings a few lines, Meredith and Stanley both tell him to tone it down and call him a "jabroni." Robert, realizing this was a bad idea, offers to treat Andy and Erin to a dinner out somewhere tonight, and when Andy declines, Robert flatly asks him to leave. Instead of doing so, Andy flags down a server to try to buy two seats at another table. But since he can't do that, he scores himself a whole table. And a limp high-five. "Let's do that again," Andy grins.
Andy sits at a table by himself, making the server add pepper to every salad at it. Oscar joins the Halperts at the table and hisses to them that "Angela's husband just hit on me." Jim and Pam are skeptical, but Oscar insists, "He wanted to rock more than just my vote." Oscar reenacts the look the senator gave him, which convinces only Pam. "Life isn't Downton Abbey," Jim argues. "Life is Downton Abbey," Pam insists. To settle this, Jim decides to get the Senator's cell phone number himself, just to prove he gives it to everyone.
Dwight is working that silent auction table like it's his job, doing research and everything. One of his "guesses" is for a year of home security for $2,500.
Andy walks up to some guy who turns out to be none other than former Dunder Mifflin CFO David Wallace. Believe it or not, I was just wondering not too long ago if that guy would ever be back. Which says something pretty sad about this season's comedic prospects. They compare notes about being canned and how in Wallace's case it led to him sinking all his energy into that stupid "Suck It" toy vacuum idea. Which the U.S. Military then bought from him for $20 million. "The point is, forget those guys," Wallace advises. "Move on." Andy doesn't look as inspired as Wallace might have intended. But doesn't the U.S. military also need rock operas about the power of music?
Nellie tries to talk about Darryl about the gold old American food she'd rather they were eating right now, but runs dry after hamburgers, Oreos, and "pizza pie." Darryl bails her out with "tacos," so she pretends that's just what she wants right now. Darryl offers to go get them a couple, if Nellie will just lend him thirty bucks. Then there's a TH in which Nellie admits that she's not even sure what tacos are. "As long as they're not slimy, and please, God, don't let them have eyes."
Jim returns to Oscar and Pam with the senator's cell phone number, which he thinks proves nothing is amiss. Oscar is in the midst of forming some new theory which involves him and Pam mocking Jim's shoes (which Pam bought him) when the MC gives Robert California the briefest introduction imaginable. Robert steps up to the podium with an even more half-assed speech about why people love dogs. Andy heckles Robert at first, and for a guy having a breakdown he seems to have the most accurate opinion of Robert's speech. Then, when Robert tells the sad story of twelve older, retired, special-needs therapy dogs waiting to be adopted, Andy steps up and says he'll take the whole dozen. "It's about being there for someone after it's become inconvenient for them to be around," he projects, and then says he'll "take that bitch home." There's a smattering of applause from the attendees and an "Oh, God" from Erin.
In some back room, a shelter worker is giving Andy a briefing on the dogs' extensive care requirements. Actually, it's not a briefing at all, is how detailed the instructions are. In fact, why did all twelve dogs get schlepped to the hotel in the first place? Andy maintains his calm demeanor, talking about the therapy dog he's bonding with at this moment. "He apparently thinks you're in some kind of emotional crisis," the worker explains. "Stupid dog," Andy chuckles unconvincingly.
Jim, Pam, and Oscar look on from across the room as Meredith becomes the latest person to score the state senator's cell number. Well, that puts the last nail in the coffin of Oscar's theory. Pam tells Oscar she's sorry, but Oscar THs that he's not disappointed. "I'd have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely, aging monster."
Darryl returns to Nellie with the eight tacos he got for three dollars at the taco stand. And no change, she's classy enough not to mention. She unwraps one and regards it uncertainly, and then Darryl sits back and laughs while she tries to bite into it without turning either her face or the taco. "She's trying," he THs. I still don't know why.
The emcee is announcing the winners of the silent auction, all of which seem to be Dwight, who seems pretty happy about his sweeping victory. "All I had to do was look up the prices, idiots! Suck it! "But his smile fades when she announces that his "donation" is the largest ever: $34,000. There's some actual applause at that, and Jim gives the camera what wee think is a sympathetic look, until he stands up and calls, "Speech!" Eventually Dwight is prevailed upon to accept the microphone, and emotionally talks about the honor of supporting "this...thing." He adds unconvincingly that "Obviously that amount of money is no concern to me whatsoever." But then he turns on them, asking when it became all about the money, decrying the expense of the dinner. "So that is going to be my donation to you. Thank you and goodnight." And then he tosses the mic at the emcee and runs out. So it's both a good night and a bad night for the dog shelter.
Oscar says goodnight to the state senator, who reminds him to call and leaves his hand on Oscar's shoulder a little long. "Why does this always happen to me?" he THs. "I just feel so bad for Angela." Clearly.
Jim, Pam, Kevin, and Erin check in on Andy's briefing, which is now up to the dog-diapering lesson. Andy says he's great, and Erin tries to agree. "This is my life now. I'm a dog nurse," she says, almost sounding like she believes it. Jim points out the one that's smiling, and the worker says that's because it's his first day without a muzzle. Andy is still trying to be positive and everyone else is playing along -- except Kevin, who points out the obvious: "He was fired! This is terrible! This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Not the best." Andy stands up and admits that Kevin is right, and that he's been trying to convince everyone -- and himself -- that he's fine. Jim and Pam joke about the rock opera he's still got going on, but Andy's not ready to laugh about that yet. Erin says he'll be all right. Kevin repeats that he won't, and Andy gratefully hugs him. Kevin THs, "Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time...s. Every of the time."
In the tag, we learn that other members of the staff have taken some of the dogs off of Andy's hands. Kevin's happy about how his dog Ruby just lies there all day, barely eating, not pooping, and having to have her eyes propped open in front of the TV. The others start to ask questions indicating that they suspect something really sad is going on at Kevin's house, like how Ruby smells. Kevin cheerfully admits that she smells horrible, but he's afraid she'll drown if he gives her a bath. His idiot coworkers exchange sympathetic looks. Then we cut to Kevin at home, lying on the floor, talking to his motionless dog. "People seem awful interested in you, Ruby," he tells it. "Guess they're just jealous, right?" But then Ruby lifts her head and licks Kevin's face. "Man, that stinks," Kevin says happily. Aw, man, I can't believe they backed away from it like that..
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.