Toby's leaving for jury duty (the Scranton Strangler case, of course), but Corporate is sending a replacement HR rep from Nashua. Yes, that would be Holly. Michael's so excited he reschedules and re-imagines the whole office Christmas party on the spot to coincide with her return. So when she shows up and he learns that she's still with her boyfriend A.J. -- living together, in fact -- he doesn't take it well.
Dwight pisses Jim off enough to earn a snowball in the face, and then retaliates a millionfold. By the end, Jim's so terrified he can barely function. But then, probably inspired by Pam's comic book about him, he functions, bear-ly. That'll make more sense in the full weecap.
Darryl's daughter doesn't want to spend Christmas with him because it's not as much fun, so with Pam's encouragement, he decides to invite her to the Christmas party. Hard to imagine a worse idea, but it works out for the best in the end.
Angela's being a pain about her new boyfriend, the state senator, but she invites him to the office party. This pleases Oscar, who's sure the dude's gay. Oscar might be onto something, even if it isn't yet Angela's new boyfriend.
Michael and Holly have it out in front of everyone -- after all, she dumped Michael when she transferred to Nashua, but not A.J. when she transferred back. And A.J.'s showing up at the party to surprise her is just salt in Michael's sucking chest wound. Just as he's leaving with a broken (and salty) heart, Pam tells Michael something Holly confessed to the ladies earlier -- she's giving A.J. an ultimatum to propose. So Michael gets to keep hope alive. He's willing to wait as long as it takes -- and he doesn't even know that one way or another, he's only got half a season left to go.
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Everyone's outside posing in Santa hats for the office Christmas card, and while Jim and Pam are in a rush to get back inside and get warm, everyone spends a lot of time trying to jump in the air at the same time while Dwight's assistant Nate takes the picture. Which, to say the least, does not work.
The office (and most of its employees) is full-on decorated for Christmas, and Pam says that as office administrator, she's paid to be head of the Party Planning Committee, which she immediately shut down. "At its worst, it was a toxic, political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best, it planned parties." Looks like she's doing fine, though, with a lush fake tree made to smell real with air fresheners.
Michael comes in dressed as Santa, and no crises are imminent. Even Angela can't think of anything to complain about. In a talking-head, Michael claims that that's what he wants. "A wonderful Christmas with no drama." You could almost believe it.
Kelly, as the minority executive trainee, distributes the corporate Christmas gift Hello Kitty laptop sleeves for all. Few are thrilled, and Kelly plays the race card. Gabe thought there would be fleece blankets, like the one he and Erin use. "Why do you ask me so often if we're still dating?" Gabe THs. Darryl's in a good mood, because it's his turn for Christmas with his daughter. There's even an iCarly joke in there for that demographic and everything.
Jim looks out the window and notices that it's snowing, and Dwight mocks him so meanly that Jim goes out, gathers up a snowball, and brings it back into the bullpen to hurl at Dwight's face. When Jim refuses to apologize, Dwight challenges him to a snowball fight at the first real snow. They shake on it, and Jim refuses to let go. Refusing to let go is going to become a theme in this subplot.
Over in Accounting, Kevin and Oscar are tweaking Angela about her boyfriend, whom she keeps referring to as "The Senator" while they keep correcting that to "state senator." Angela does a TH making a big deal about the two photographers that show up to a ribbon-cutting ceremony to take her picture. Yes, but was she able to get them to fight over her?
In the conference room, Pam is leading a meeting on what an office party is not (see Christmas episodes 1-5). After declining to take questions, she yields the floor to Toby, who announces that he's taking a leave of absence week. Michael burns a lot of time mocking him, while Toby gives just enough clues to let them know he'll be on the jury in the Scranton Strangler case. Michael's pretty bitter about Toby getting attention for that, until he learns that Toby's replacement will be Holly Flax from Nashua. Erin is astute enough to pick up on people's reaction to that and ask who Holly is, and after Michael's wordy speech about how awesome Holly is, Creed throws in, "She's one sassy black lady." Michael wants to have a party for her return -- in fact, today's party is cancelled. He starts throwing away all the food, promising to pay for the one. "This is the most important Christmas party of my life, so back to work!" In his office, Michael says he worked so hard for this, begging Jo and Corporate, "And you know who I end up owing this to is the Scranton Strangler! Thank you Scranton Strangler! I love you! You just took one more person's breath away!" And after he made fun of Toby's bad Scranton Strangler joke earlier.
Another day, there's real snow on the ground, a snowman in the parking lot, and a whole new set of white decorations all over the office. And Michael's decided to dress as "Santa Bond" (red velvet smoking jacket, black shirt, and Kangol Santa hat), while Angela hems his tuxedo pants. She muses about inviting her boyfriend the senator, and Michael tweaks her for his not being able to fix parking tickets. Never a good idea to tease a lady with a handful of pins.
Pam talks about how awesome Jim's homemade gifts for her always are, so this year she did something special: a comic book. She holds up The Adventures of Jimmy Halpert which shows Jim standing casually in front of a giant snarling bear. Pam explains how the character of Jimmy Halpert is bitten by a radioactive bear and becomes "Bear-Man. It's really good!" I'm sure Jim will think so.
Jim returns to his desk to find a post-it on his monitor: "IT IS TIME PARKING LOT AT NOON." He hands the note back to Dwight, who burns it.
Michael is standing around nervously and suddenly notices the fake tree, which simply won't do for Holly's arrival. "Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that and thinks it's a burning cross." He gives Pam cash to go get a real one right now, just as a jazz bassist shows up. "There's nothing classier than boring jazz music," Michael explains to us, saying that it was a better deal to hire one musician for the whole day than a quartet for an hour. But listening to him tune up, he starts to look a little nervous.
Pam asks for volunteers to accompany her on the tree run. Kevin's afraid to get dirty, because there might be girls at the party, even though there never are. Andy's "'brid" (his hybrid) won't accommodate a tree, "which is ironic considering how many trees it saves every day." However, he's got a hookup to a guy with a pickup. Yeah, that would be Darryl. Pam decides to ask him, but Andy still wants to go along. You know, as the hookup guy.
Darryl has just gotten the news that this daughter is bailing on him for Christmas in favor of "family." "I don't know, I thought I was enough family for my daughter," he tells us. Awww. He's still in this mood when Andy and Pam come in to ask to borrow his truck. He initially shoots them down, but then agrees to join them for the fresh air.
Toby shows up, to Michael's great distress, but he just came for the party while the jury's in recess. He's a temporary celebrity here, although he keeps coyly saying he can't talk about it or he'll get removed. "And then he will come back here and replace Holly, so stop asking him questions," Michael moans. Toby knows what's going on, but figures this is a good way to get people talking to him. For such a sad-looking guy, he's really an eternal optimist.
Jim waits out in the parking lot, but no one's there and Dwight's not answering his phone. But when Jim turns to go back inside, the doors are chained shut behind him. While Jim freezes in terror, Dwight bursts out of the snowman behind him and starts pelting Jim with snowballs out of a big backpack on his chest, driving him to the ground. "I have no feeling in my fingers or penis, but I think it was worth it," Dwight THs proudly. He empties the backpack on Jim, who we then see entering the office disheveled and soaked and bloody and getting helpful text messages like "How about icing it? LOL Dwight." Advantage: Schrute.
Holly enters with a new haircut and a couple boxes of stuff, and asks Erin for help. Erin declines, saying, "I'm waiting for my boss's pretty friend to arrive." Michael comes out, acting as cool as he can while asking Erin to "help her for God's sake." Everyone watches their reunion, complete with goofy voices that keep going all the way into the hello hug. Kevin asks what she brought them, and Holly admits that although she brought a box of maple candies from Nashua, she got a little hungry on the drive. Holly comments on the "super classy" décor. They dork-voice all the way back to the annex, while Jim manages a dutiful, "Aw." Also, since their dork-voices include both "gay" and "Mexican," Oscar gets to do a rare quadruple-take.
Michael follows her back to watch her unpack her belongings, which include a large Woody (Michael heroically represses a "that's what she said") from Toy Story, a gift from Holly's Nashua boyfriend A.J. Michael seems to think that her relationship with A.J. is past tense, and Holly doesn't actively correct him. They talk Toy Story, which A.J. hadn't seen until they watched them all together, and then the day Woody was in her bed. "That's creepy. How did A.J. get in your house?" Michael asks. Holly says they live together, as she puts a photo of her and A.J. on her desk. Michael's obviously devastated, but manages to hold it together as the camera zooms in on Woody's similarly frozen smile.
Pam and Andy are at the tree lot, trying to pick out a tree while Darryl argues with his daughter's mom on the phone. After he gets off, Pam advises him to bring her to the party so Darryl can be the "fun" parent. Wow, what a terrible idea.
When they return, Darryl's got his preteen daughter Jada with him, and she's not impressed with Michael's "sophisticated take" on Santa. Neither is Darryl, who hisses that he told her Santa would be at the party. Michael shoots back that he was told Holly would come back single. When Pam asks by whom, Michael blames Nora Ephron and every romantic comedy ever. Like there aren't enough things to blame them for already.
In the annex, Phyllis and Kelly are grilling Holly about her relationship, and Pam tells them to back off. "Yeah, maybe Holly's not in any position to be shooing guys away." Then Erin THs in utter confusion, "I don't get it!" I love how Erin, who is impressed by everyone, is totally unimpressed by Holly, who is awesome. Or at least used to be. Holly finally admits that she's going to give A.J. an ultimatum to propose by the end of the year. At Christmastime? That's cutting it close. Pam's not sure that's a good idea, but Kelly's down with it: "Basically nobody does anything for me any more unless I threaten to kill myself." Nice to see Mindy Kaling giving herself some good lines for once.
Jim walks around behind Pam to his desk...but there's Pam coming in the other door. Which means the Pam at her desk is actually Dwight in a wig and Pam's sweater, hurling snowballs at him. Dwight THs, "Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you're going to need to bear a passing resemblance to someone." Like Meredith, Kevin, or Stanley. Even in those wigs, his resemblance is "passing" only in the sense that kidney stones are. Jim: "I just want it to stop."
Pam shows Ryan her comic book. She really should have known better.
Toby tries to talk to Jim in the bullpen while Jim tries to stalk Dwight. He's got a snowball in a lacrosse stick (!?), but when Jim lets it fly he misses Dwight and breaks a window. Everyone glares at him.
Lurking around Holly's unattended desk, Michael THs, "I guess there are just some people who you stay together when you transfer with, and some people you don't." Well, when he puts it that way, ouch. "And that's just the way it is. And I can be mature about that." Which is why he tosses Woody in the trash and dumps coffee in on top of him. Nice one, Sid.
There's cardboard over the window Jim broke, and everyone's freezing with their coats on. "Yet another opportunity where a blanket would have come in handy," Gabe says. And they don't all just go home, why?
Michael has Jim and Dwight in his office so Holly can help him tell them to knock it off before someone gets hurt. Jim's getting the worst of it, and Holly lectures them, "Last time I was here, you were both best friends." That shuts them up for a minute. Michael decides to steer the conversation to his girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York. Holly gives the camera a nonplussed look, and after Michael's made-up-on-the-fly story, Holly says she didn't know Michael had a girlfriend. In a TH, Michael smugly says there's someone who "still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara."
Pam shows Phyllis her comic book. "Money problems, is that what this is about?" Phyllis asks. She's clearly not too impressed either.
Holly bursts into the party with her coffee-soaked Woody, demanding to know who did it. "I don't think Erin seems to like you," Phyllis suggests. Michael tries to blame Toby, who calmly says it seems more like something Michael would do. Kevin seriously wonders if Woody did it to himself. Angela agrees with Toby, and Michael says he's clearly being framed. Andy asks why anyone would do that. "Okay, why are we discounting this Woody came to life thing so quickly?" Jim wonders. Michael laughs and says it was part of the party. "Someday, I think we will laugh about this, when we tell our kids..." "Yikes," Jim murmurs, with a similar echo around the bullpen. Michael says it was an accident...borne of jealous feelings. Holly says she doesn't feel that way about him any more, so Michael reminds her of her reaction to his fake girlfriend. Holly's not any less pissed, and after asking what's the matter with him, starts to storm out. Michael stops her, saying she told him she couldn't "do this" when he drove her to Nashua, but now she doesn't have any problem with a long-distance relationship with this new guy. "And you know what? That is what is the matter with me...And we did this whole stupid party for you." He stomps into his office, and when Holly goes to follow him, Erin blocks her way, so she's left standing there with everyone staring at her. She says it wasn't her fault. Kevin roars, "Nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!" Now Holly has to slink out rather than storm.
Erin tries to cheer Michael up, and when he asks her to find his street clothes, she pauses in the doorway and asks, "Is she an amazing cook or something?"
Jim sits down at his desk to find a present there, addressed to "Pickles" from "Swiss Cheese" and with a note saying "open immediately." Of course, when he does, a spring-loaded ice cream scoop catapults a snowball into his face. Everyone laughs while Jim Dwights, "Dammit, Dwight!"
Stanley's jealous of Toby's jury duty, which has been his dream since he was 18. "To get to sit in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for? That is the life."
Darryl's daughter is bored, and asks to read her book in her office. Darryl agrees, but Pam looks pained at overhearing her plea. She goes to Darryl's office and asks for their "help" finding the Christmas tree star that a "Grinch" "stole" and "hid" in the warehouse. They follow her down to where Andy seems to have set up a little Whoville and is currently acting as Grinchy as he can, draped in random coats and blankets. This seems to be going well until Andy starts quizzing her with political questions. Darryl tries to get it back on course by suggesting the Grinch give her clues to find the star, but then Andy produces it with some awful sleight of hand. "And the game's over, seconds later," Darryl sighs.
Angela escorts her new boyfriend, "Senator Robert Lipton" (still Jack Coleman, as the guy she met at Dwight's "Hay Place" a few weeks ago) into the office. Oscar introduces himself as "Angela's friend Oscar." They shake hands, and Robert's clearly heard of Oscar before. I bet he has. Oscar THs, "Robert seems great! He's very handsome, a firm handshake, he's gay, good sense of humor..." Wait, what?
Guess who walks in but A.J. He quietly introduces himself to Erin and Kevin at reception, who say, respectively, "I think you should go" and "I bet you didn't even bring us anything, did you?" He's still dealing with that awkwardness when Holly comes out and greets him. Michael (back in his regular suit) comes out and says hi as well, managing to act normal for a full fifteen seconds. How can he manage this? "I am dead inside," he THs. Well, that explains it.
Darryl brings his daughter into the break room, and soon realizes he's hit on the perfect thing: a whole room of vending machines. They come out of the bullpen loaded down with snacks for her to pass out to everyone. The music gets cheerier, indicating either a change in mood or that the bassist has been joined by an invisible piano player. Employees start opening each other's gifts. Kevin got Oscar a pair of tan suede boots. "For your feet!" Kevin explains. Phyllis knitted Ryan an iPad cozy with his name and sign on it (Pisces). Angela got Creed a big Costco multipack of deodorant, so now he'll be able to smell like a man and not death. Erin got Andy an allegedly funny card. Michael's busy in the bathroom cleaning Holly's Woody with a toothbrush, complete with his tiny clothes on a makeshift clothesline overhead.
Angela boasts about her boyfriend while Oscar grins at him and Ryan comes in looking for someone to make him a fancy drink. Oscar sees Robert checking out Ryan's ass. I think Oscar's having a better time than anyone.
Pam and Jim settle down in the break room to exchange gifts, like they can't do this at home. Pam opens hers first -- a diamond bracelet she loves. Jim smugs in a TH, "Yep, I do make great Christmas gifts. But I couldn't make that." He opens the comic book she drew him and gushes, "This is...awesome.. That's my bike!" Is he faking? Well, he does a rare non-talking talking head. And that's really the best Pam could hope for.
As the party continues, A.J. and Holly are holding hands. Michael leaves without a word to anyone, but Pam follows him out. He warns her about slipping, and tells a story about a woman who slipped on some black ice, went into a permanent coma, and was visited by her husband every day until she died. When Pam remarks how sad that is, Michael sobs, "Well, at least he was married." Pam tries to cheer him up, and when that doesn't work, she says, "I shouldn't tell you this, but A.J. won't commit to Holly," and tells him about Holly's planned ultimatum. No, she shouldn't have told him that, especially since driving down here seems like the kind of thing A.J. might have done to propose. Still, Michael's certainly not crying any more, and Pam tells him to be patient. He offers to walk her back into the office, so she doesn't fall. Sure, that's why.
Jim offers a surrender to Dwight, who has one condition: "You hit Pam in the face with a snowball while I watch." Jim calls him a psychopath, which Dwight takes as a no. Jeez, what did Pam do?
Back in the annex, just as Michael is trying to convince Kelly that he bought her the Hello Kitty laptop sleeve he's re-gifting her, they both shut up when they overhear A.J. asking Holly, as they enter without seeing them, "Is everyone here kind of mean?" Holly blames it on the trial while Michael and Kelly eavesdrop. A.J. sees Woody's condition, and Holly takes the blame for it, which makes Michael smile a secret smile. What's more romantic that listening to your ex lie to her current boyfriend, just to protect you? Well, listening to A.J. propose right now would probably spoil Michael's optimistic mood.
Darryl and his daughter deliver a snack to Michael, and Michael suddenly "remembers" where Santa is. Cut to him in the Santa suit, with Jada in his lap running down her list. Holly watches from across the bullpen, and smiles a secret smile of her own.
Tag: Late at night, Pam's ready to go, but Jim's scared to leave the building. She coaxes him out, and there's a whole forest of snowmen out in the parking lot. They nervously make their way through, and suddenly Jim sends her running ahead while he goes all Buffy on them with his umbrella and her purse. Dwight is, of course, watching impassively from up on the roof. He sends us off with the moral of the story: "The ultimate snowball isn't a snowball at all, but fear. Merry Christmas."
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.