Ryan's turning eighteen this week, and everyone around him is determined to celebrate it despite his requests to the contrary. Seth does it by throwing a birthday bash at the Bait Shop, complete with a Foreigner cover band that sort of craps on Ryan's love of Journey. Sandy craps on Ryan one better by tracking down Dawn in the hopes of what is sure to be the most uncomfortable, awkward and just plain horrible reunion ever. He bails Dawn out of an Albuquerque jail in record time on a Saturday, only to have her ditch him before they can fly back to Newport, leaving only a note for Ryan. Speaking of Ryan, he's too distracted with his hard decision of the episode: whether to invite Marissa to his birthday party. She, in turn, is similarly (except much worse-acted, of course) tormented over whether she should give him a birthday present. She's also being stalked by Volchok until she catches up with him at work and finds him rebuilding the Model Home she and Ryan burnt down in the beginning of Season 1. Memories flood back to her and the viewing audience. We become sad and nostalgic for what this show used to be; Marissa just faints and falls down some stairs. She doesn't die, though. Once she's feeling better, she finds an invitation to Ryan's party that he left her and shows up, only to see Ryan introducing Sadie to his family. She runs back to Volchok and his alcohol. As for everyone else on the show: Julie and Dr. Neil's relationship heats up unintentionally when some cruise tickets Dr. Neil ordered months ago for his now-ex-wife are mistaken for a present for Julie, and Kirsten tries out a different hairstyle.
Nighttime at the Cohen house, and everyone is actually enjoying a meal together! Sandy and Kirsten bring up Ryan's upcoming eighteenth birthday, much to Seth's surprise, since he didn't know that anyone in the world existed besides himself. He decides to have a birthday bash for Ryan, saying that turning eighteen is "huge." This is true; it means that now when Ryan gets arrested, he'll no longer be considered a juvenile. Of course, Ryan doesn't want to do anything, saying that the last birthday party he had was when he was nine and his mom took him to the San Diego Zoo. Seth stupidly asks what happened to the rest of Ryan's birthdays after that, and Ryan dryly responds that they were replaced with Dawn's "all-day drinking-on-the-couch parties." Even the music has the grace to be ashamed, and stops abruptly, although we were not treated to a record-scratch sound effect. The Cohens looks around awkwardly, as well they should. And why haven't they thrown a birthday party for Ryan since he started living with them, hmmm? It's a little too late for this whole "Ryan lives with the Cohens and sees what a real family does for the first time" shtick. He's been there for three years! Ryan finally agrees to a party as long as it's a small one. How cute it is that he thinks that anyone will actually be true to his wishes.
Ryan then retires to the poolhouse to stare at his cordless phone. Somewhere in the dark, Marissa whips out her cell and stares at it. Each decides against calling the other. Wow, their relationship is exactly the same now as when they were together.
The morning, Summer catches up to Marissa in the Harbor hallway and demands that she get back together with Ryan, since she hasn't been sleeping or eating since they broke up. Again, how is this any different from when they were together? Marissa insists that she ate pancakes for breakfast this morning, not mentioning the part where she immediately threw them up again, and Summer tries to shift the conversation onto herself and some of the things going on in her life. But Marissa is distracted when she spots Ryan across the hall. Ryan also sees her, and immediately tries to hide his face and look inconspicuous. Marissa leaves, and Summer walks over to Ryan, who's pretending to be very interested in a Gay Pride Run poster in order to avoid having eye contact with his ex. The Harbor parents are too uptight to have a student who shot someone attending their school, but totally cool with the Gay Pride Club? How selectively progressive of them. Summer nags Ryan to talk to Marissa. Butt out, Summer.
Back at home, Kirsten is trying to infuse excitement and the impetus for change into her life with a new hairstyle. Instead of her usual part down the middle, she's got it parted just slightly to the side with some faux-bang action going on. I approve. She asks Sandy if they might want to invite Ryan's real family to his birthday party. Sandy points out that Ryan's dad is still in jail and that his brother really should be, which just leaves Dawn. And Sandy doesn't think this is a good idea, considering how things went down the last time Dawn was in town. He doesn't want to "embarrass" Ryan. How about "traumatize"? Plus, they have no idea where Dawn is. But Kirsten has faith that Sandy will be able to track her down. Sandy says that he'll try, but doesn't want to say anything to Ryan about it so that they don't "get his hopes up." I don't think his hopes would go "up," Sandy.
"We have a problem!" Summer barks to Seth. Ryan and Marissa simply must either get back together or move on. Right now, Summer says, they're "frozen in that post-breakup 'holy crap, what did I do?' moment." Yeah, well, considering that it's been well over a couple of hours since they broke up, I can understand why Summer thinks that more than enough time has passed here. "You need to do something!" she orders Seth. He says he's too busy planning Ryan's birthday party to help her. Summer can't believe Ryan would be so rude as to have a birthday in the middle of all this. "He didn't exactly plan it!" Seth says. No, and I'll bet Dawn didn't plan it, either. Summer is also too busy with her own personal projects (breaking up Julie and Dr. Neil) to take on anything else. Hey! Maybe they'll actually mind their own business for once!
Julie and Dr. Neil run downstairs following their lunchtime quickie, throwing their clothes on and giving me disturbing mental images about what just transpired that forced them to remove those clothes. They decide that it's time to tell their daughters about them, but get stuck on what to say if they ask how serious this relationship is. Before they can decide anything, Dr. Neil gets called back to work. This does not remind Julie that she, too, has a job.
Ryan stops by the Harper house, where Sadie has put a hole in the freaking wall. I mean, honestly, what the fuck does she think she's doing there? She's certainly not fixing anything or making anything look better. Mrs. Harper now has plumbing problems and gaping holes in her wall where there used to be none! Sadie's excuse is that she's trying to make a bar area for the kitchen, since Mrs. Harper has decided to stay in Oregon and is putting the house up for sale. The house that she couldn't afford to live in last week she is now able to sell. Not to mention that she apparently has enough money saved to be able to relocate on a whim and wait until she can find gainful employment. Well, I'm sure the market value of the Harper place will skyrocket now that that bar area/disgusting hole in the wall is there!
Ryan makes his way into the kitchen, where we see the full extent of Sadie's devastation. There's, like, no drywall left to speak of, and the oven is floating around in the middle of the room, useless. Sadie asks Ryan how his breakup is going, and Ryan says it's been crappy, of course. He hasn't decided what he wants yet, and doesn't want to speak to Marissa again until he has. Meanwhile, Sadie is looking very pretty today.
Stock sunset on the water. Marissa returns home to the trailer and grabs a bottled water out of the fridge -- because Julie is so poor that she can afford bottled water now -- and sees that March 19 has been marked off on the calendar as Ryan's birthday. What teenager keeps a freaking wall calendar? Marissa really is forty years old. There's a banging sound outside, and Marissa looks out the window to see Volchok looking back in at her. Creepy! He takes off, having time to put his helmet on and drive his motorcycle away by the time Slow Marissa gets to the door. "Hey," she calls out at him with typical absolutely terrible line delivery.
In a nice little show of continuity, Ryan is looking at a book (it's a picture book, but at least he's trying) about architecture when Seth walks in with some birthday invitations he's printed up. He doesn't know whether he should send one out to Marissa or not. Ryan doesn't know either. "You've got 'til Sunday," Seth says, throwing the invitation on Ryan's lap.
After the commercial, Seth is in Summer's room. Neither of them has made any progress on either the "birthday party" or the "break up Dr. Neil and Julie" fronts. Summer magnanimously decides that, as long as Dr. Neil and Julie remain casual, she's okay with their relationship. The doorbell rings, and Summer orders Seth to get it, even though this isn't even his house. He returns with an envelope for Dr. Neil brought over by a delivery guy. Summer immediately rips it open and finds tickets for a "Lover's Cruise to Cabo." She's immediately alarmed, since her dad always proposes to his future wives on cruises. Man, Dr. Neil is a cheeseball. And a douche. He's a douchey cheeseball. He also has a history of proposing to women after knowing them for only a few days, which he did with both of his wives. And those worked out so well that I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to try it again with #3. Summer says it's time to spring into action, and that she'll need Marissa's "help," so Marissa will just have to "put her Ryan stuff on hold." What Ryan stuff? Marissa seems to think she's fine.
Ryan does some work with power tools on the Harper house, crediting his blue-collar upbringing for his skill with tools. Because all blue-collar people are born with the innate knowledge of how to use a saw. He hands Sadie a party invitation during a break in the action. But she turns it down, saying that a friend is in Los Angeles tomorrow and she already had plans to see him. I guess that's what happens when you give out invitations the day before the event. Sadie notices another invitation on the floor where Ryan stupidly dropped it -- Marissa's. He admits that he doesn't know what to do with it, since if he invites her, it'll look like he wants to get back together with her, but if he doesn't, it'll look like he's done with her completely. Don't invite her, I say. Sadie bores us with her own personal story about her last boyfriend. Their relationship lingered for years, and only ended when Sadie left Oregon because her cousin died.
Summer comes to the trailer, where Marissa is working on something on her laptop, which has magically recovered from its abuse the last time we saw it. That something is a mix CD for Ryan, since the original one she made for him burned down in the model home three years ago. It's a little late to be thoughtful, Marissa. Marissa's dilemma is the same as Ryan's: if she gives him a birthday present, it'll look like she wants him back. If she doesn't, it'll look like she's over him. "Maybe that's what you both need right now -- a clear sign one way or the other," says Summer. Yeah, you think? It's only been said about sixty times since this episode began. And since when was "it's over" NOT a clear sign? Marissa asks Summer what she's there for, and Summer totally chickens out and invites Marissa to Ryan's birthday party, which is being held at the Bait Shop, now available for special functions ranging from wakes to birthday parties. Marissa says she won't go unless Ryan invites her there himself. "This sucks," Summer says. "Yeah, tell me about it," Marissa answers. Okay, I will! This sucks. It sucks so bad. Was this show ever good? Is it that hard to make a show with at least one character I care about? Or at the very least, can it make sense in any logical way? Please?
Kirsten, her faux-bangs gone, walks into the bedroom to find Sandy hurriedly packing a bag. She jokingly asks if he's leaving her, although when you consider the fact that those two may well have gotten divorced off-camera, so little screen time have they had this season, it's not so funny. Sandy says he's going to Albuquerque, where he managed to track down Dawn. "I think she might be in some trouble," he says. If you're in Albuquerque, you usually are.
Julie leaves a message on Dr. Neil's voicemail. Apparently, they were supposed to meet at his house, but he hasn't shown up. Summer, however, has. She plays dumb, wondering what Julie is doing in the otherwise empty Roberts home. Julie struggles to think of a lie, but Summer lets her out of it by saying that she knows about her father and Julie and their upcoming cruise. Whoops! Julie didn't know about the cruise. But now that she does, she's happy. Especially since she's going to have first-class accommodations. Summer crosses her arms and says that, given her father's penchant for proposing over the water, she has a feeling this will end in a ring, and she doesn't think her dad should be rushing into another marriage so soon. Julie agrees, and then asks if Marissa knows about all of this. When Summer says no, Julie says that she'll tell her. Just as soon as she buys herself a new bikini. And has her ring finger steam-cleaned. And books the Yacht Club for her upcoming nuptials. "...Awkward," Summer sing-songs, managing to choose one of the few moments on this show when nothing awkward is happening to say an otherwise funny line. I mean, it's not like Julie said she was going to buy a bikini wax.
Sandy finds Dawn in an Albuquerque jail. That makes the Atwoods 3-for-4 on long-term jail stays, I believe. Way to break the streak, Ryan. That boy has no respect for family traditions. Albuquerque, I'd like to add, is amazingly free of minorities, making it a lot different than the Albuquerque I visited a few years ago. I mean, would it really kill this show to cast a minority? Especially in Albuquerque, of all places, which has almost as many Latinos as whites, some of which you'd think would have jobs as police officers or at the very least, be in jail with Dawn. But no. Sandy greets Dawn, and she sighs and asks him what he wants. He tells her about Ryan's party and how he'd like her to attend, although her present circumstances may make this impossible. Dawn has an emotional reaction that is probably one part relief that Sandy isn't visiting her to tell her that her son is dead and the other part incredible sadness and shame that she is such a failure at life. She asks if Ryan knows where she is. Sandy says he doesn't, nor does Sandy intend to tell him. He asks Dawn how she got herself arrested. Dawn says that it followed her usual pattern: she hooked up with a guy, they drank a lot, and then he left her when her money ran out, leaving her to write bad checks and get thrown in jail. "Oh, Dawn, you coulda called us," Sandy says cluelessly. Dawn just stares at him. She may not be too proud to lose all her money and write bad checks, but she is too proud to beg. Sandy says he's going to see if there's anything he can do for her, and Dawn finally asks him how Ryan is doing. "He's good," Sandy says, as if he's even seen or talked to Ryan this season. "You can be very proud." Yeah, because she did such a good job raising him and all.
Matt and Marissa meet at a secluded location on the pier. He tells her that a detective stopped by the NewNewport Group to tell him that the investigation into Johnny's death was over. I'd be relieved for Marissa if I liked her or cared at all about this storyline. As it was, the writers could barely be bothered to give it more than three scenes. The cops also gave Matt that crucial piece of evidence that didn't pan out whatsoever -- the letter she wrote to Johnny. He gives it to her. Then a client calls (on a Saturday night?) and Matt walks off to talk to him. But Marissa won't be alone: Volchok suddenly appears nearby. Now that Marissa is sufficiently protected by Matt, she's brave enough to confront Volchok and ask him why he's stalking her. He denies it, and then grabs her arm as she tries to walk away. Marissa protests, even though we all know she secretly likes guys who are desperate for her attention. He starts telling her that he knows she's going through some "weird stuff" over Johnny's death, but is interrupted by Matt the Non-Entity and Savior, who is quickly followed by a police officer. Matt tells the cop that Volchok was bothering Marissa, and Volchok starts mouthing off to the officer, which is never a good idea.
Meanwhile, Ryan is at the door to Marissa's trailer, her invitation in hand. But he doesn't go in, even though I'm sure it's unlocked.
The day is Ryan's birthday. Seth is the first to stop by the poolhouse and give Ryan his best wishes. Ryan says that Sandy already called from Albuquerque, where he's on what Ryan assumes to be a business trip even though we all know that the NewNewport group has no business. Marissa, Ryan says, has not called, nor did he invite her to his party. Good. Seth thinks Ryan should tell Sadie that Marissa definitely won't be there, and see if she reconsiders attending in that case. Also, Seth promises, there will be a surprise at the party that could very well make Ryan's head explode. If it's a bomb, then I would like to change my opinion about not wanting Marissa to be there.
Julie and Marissa sit at the diner and have a pretend-to-eat-pancakes contest. Finally, Julie gets to the reason why she invited Marissa to breakfast: she wants to tell her that she's been seeing Dr. Neil for the last few months. "What have you had done?" Marissa asks. I don't even want to know the answer to that question, and shame on Marissa for asking! Oh -- she was asking what Julie's had done surgically. My bad. Julie explains that she's been "seeing seeing" Dr. Neil. They like like each other. He checked the "yes" box on the note she passed him and everything! Although Marissa's question just reminded Julie of the fact that she can probably get some good surgery done cheap now, which is one of the few advantages to dating Dr. Neil. "Oh my god. You've been dating Summer's dad," Marissa non-exclaims. Julie says yes, but that they didn't want anyone to know until they knew if it was serious. And until they got caught. Now that a surprise cruise has been planned, Julie's sure that things are very serious indeed. "Please tell me you're okay with this," Julie begs, not like anything would change if Marissa wasn't. Julie does what Julie wants. Marissa says it's weird, but that she's okay with it, adding, "I guess." As long as Julie doesn't "do anything." No one knows what Marissa's even talking about anymore, so Julie sends her away.
The Albuquerque jail also sends Dawn away, now that Sandy has gotten her freed with his amazin' Sandy do-gooder powers. The only catch is that Dawn must enroll in rehab and pay everyone back, which he took care of himself. All he wants in return is for her to attend Ryan's party tonight. "I don't know," Dawn says. "Sure you do. You're his motha. And he's gonna wanna see ya" Sandy replies, thinking it's just that easy. When he helps people, he gets his Bronx accent back.
Ryan will be spending his birthday doing more fix-it work on the Harper house, which only looks worse the more "repairs" are done to it. Sadie presents him with a birthday gift: a hammer. "I engraved the handle myself," she says. Judging by her excellent work with that kitchen bar, I'm guessing the handle is completely gone, its splinters of wood scattered throughout the house. But no, Sadie managed to do this one right, and has inscribed an entire novel on the handle: "For Ryan, happy 18th. I'm so grateful for your friendship. Think of me every time you pound something. Sadie." That's rife with sexual innuendo, if you ignore the "friendship" part. Ryan smiles and thanks her. But Sadie's still going to L.A., even if Ryan isn't inviting Marissa to the party. "It wasn't what I wanted," he says about inviting Marissa. Sadie says that the friend she's meeting in L.A. is the guy she was seeing back in Oregon. He wants to talk things over with her, although not enough, apparently, to make the journey all the way to Newport. It looks like Sadie will have to make a decision, too. Meaningful glances are exchanged, and then Sadie gives Ryan a birthday kiss on the cheek.
Over in Surfing Land, Marissa meets up with one of Volchok's friends to find out where her stalker is. He hasn't stalked her all night and she's concerned that his dangerous attraction to her might be over before it even began. The friend says that Volchok's been "acting weird" since Johnny died. True: he got really lame. He tells Marissa to check out Volchok's job.
Dr. Neil meets up with Julie in a public restaurant. That's okay, Julie says, since Summer and Marissa both know about them now and seemed fine with the news. And Julie can't wait to go to Cabo with Dr. Neil. Dr. Neil is obviously totally clueless about this cruise, but tries to fake like he planned it all along. Julie excuses herself from the table to check her makeup, being sure to plant a big kiss on Dr. Neil's lips as she leaves. This attracts the attention of everyone in the restaurant, as they all apparently have sensors in their brains that tell them when someone in their immediate vicinity is making out so that they can turn around and stare at them.
Ryan and Kirsten have a chance to spend some time together. Kirsten, who's sporting her new faux bangs again, wants to talk about Marissa, of course, and how Ryan was wrong not to tell her that he wasn't going to invite her to his party. Seth comes to tell them that he's leaving to set up for the party, which, again, is sure to make Ryan's head explode. There's no way it can live up to this hype. He leaves, and Kirsten tells Ryan to think about what she said, and then lectures that he's eighteen and should start acting like an adult. He's been acting like an adult since we met him three years ago, Kirsten. Give the guy a break.
Sandy enters his hotel room to find that, instead of taking a shower and getting all that jail funk off of her, Dawn has escaped, leaving only a note for her son. Well, of course. At least she managed to spell Ryan's name right.
Ryan shows up at Marissa's trailer and invites himself in. He leaves the party invitation on her desk, where he notices that mix CD she was making and the only picture of those two that apparently exists -- the one of them smiling on the beach.
Marissa shows up at a mansion under construction. Volchok's inside, working. Marissa pauses; the house looks familiar to her. "Mansions all look the same to me," the foreman says. That's because they're McMansions.
Marissa enters the foyer, where we see that even though the house's interior isn't nearly complete, the outdoor pool is already filled and bright blue, just waiting for someone to take a dip in it. Marissa has a black and white flashback to a similar scene, but is brought out of it by Volchok, who's watching her from the balcony. She climbs the stairs to talk to him. He assumes that she's going to try to get him fired -- an assumption I don't blame him for, since all Marissa does is ruin people's lives -- but she says she just wanted to apologize for last night and explain that Matt is not her boyfriend. Just in case Volchok's wondering about her availability. Volchok lights a cigarette to look extra-cool, and dismisses her. Then his boss walks in and screams at Volchok for smoking in a house that has already burnt down once before. And that's when Marissa realizes that she has been in this house before, back in Season 1, when things were good and pure and everyone looked younger and energized, as we see in the flashbacks.
Over in the trailer, Ryan's having flashbacks of his own as he plays Marissa's mix CD.
But it's Marissa who gets the have all the drama back with Volchok, as she starts getting all woozy from the memories and lack of food over the past three years and promptly passes out and goes flying down the stairs. The only way that I will condone this is if she's dead. Immediately dead, too -- none of that lingering-in-a-coma stuff. Dead now, with only the last five minutes of this episode devoted to mourning her. Meanwhile, Ryan manages to turn off the CD player without fainting or anything. He slams the picture of him and Marissa down on the desk, but leaves the invitation where it is. I just want to know how it took this long for that mansion to be rebuilt, and with the exact same blueprints it was built with before, even though I thought they belonged to the now-defunct OldNewport Group. Maybe Sadie's in charge of construction.
Ryan's party decorations are giant posters of him in various occupational clothing, thanks to Seth's mad photoshopping skillz. "What exactly was the thinking here?" Ryan asks, since it obviously wasn't "what would Ryan want to see on his birthday." Seth says that he wanted to show Ryan all the avenues that were open to him now that he's an adult. Seth likes the admittedly gay pictures of Cowboy Ryan and Fireman Ryan the best. Ryan asks who all the strange people at his party are, and Seth explains that he had to invite a bunch of strangers to fill the room since Ryan only invited one person who didn't even show up. That probably should have been a clue that Ryan didn't want to have a big party with a lot of people, but far be it from Seth to do something that's contrary to his own wishes. Summer comes in and says that two homeless guys just got in a fight and knocked over Scientist Ryan. "I met 'em outside Ralph's," says Seth. "They seemed pretty cool." Just keep making the birthday boy feel like crap there, Seth. I would like to know how, exactly, Ryan wound up almost completely friendless. There's no one else he talks to in school for Seth to invite? Or maybe Seth is just insanely jealous of anyone Ryan befriends and purposely didn't invite them.
Volchok walks Marissa home. He goes into the trailer to refill her icepack from a freezer that suddenly exists in the middle of the trailer's living room, while Marissa sits on the porch and tells him to stop fussing over her, since the doctor said she was fine (dammit), although she's not exactly insistent about it, since she loves man attention. Volchok asks what happened to her back at the house, and she explains that she was there when it originally burned down, and that the memories overwhelmed her in a most unrealistic fashion and made her faint. "Not interested," says Volchok. Awesome. Marissa asks him what he's been trying to say to her all this time, and he says that "things were supposed to work out for" Johnny, but he died, so they didn't. "It doesn't make sense," Volchok says. Neither does his interest in Marissa. He writes his phone number on Marissa's uninjured wrist "just in case something happens, or..." and runs off. Marissa enters the trailer and finds the party invitation.
Dr. Neil shows up at the party to talk to Summer. She says she was shocked at his choice of girlfriend and cruise companion. Dr. Neil says that he was shocked too; he bought those tickets months ago to try to save his relationship with the StepMonster and forgot to cancel them. He was going to propose to her all over again and even bought a ring for it. Uh oh -- where's that ring now? If he forgot to cancel those tickets, I'll bet he forgot to take the ring back as well. But, Dr. Neil reasons, maybe it's fate, and he's meant to do this with Julie. Yeah, I'm sure fate deals in first-class cruises to Cabo. Dr. Neil takes off for the cruise, but not before Summer warns him not to wear the bathing suit he bought in Rome last year if he wants to impress Julie. I don't even want to know what that looks like, or why Dr. Neil and Summer exchanged knowing smirks at its mention. Ew.
Sandy arrives at the party and pulls Ryan aside to tell him what he was doing in Albuquerque. He says that Dawn "wanted" to make it to Ryan's party but "couldn't." Ryan looks troubled and seems to know how, exactly, his mother "couldn't" make it, but asks if she's all right anyway. Sandy says that she's "having a hard time," but that he'll be sure to check up on her, adding, "As of today, we may no longer be your legal guardians, but you will always be a part of this family." And that aspect really should have been focused on in this episode a lot more than, say, Marissa falling down some stairs. It would have been nice. Sandy hands Ryan the letter with a grin on his face that suggests that Dawn wrote something really awesome and nice, when Sandy doesn't actually know what's in the letter. I hope his instincts are correct, for Ryan's sake.
Ryan takes his letter outside, and opens it to find a handwritten letter on hotel stationery, of which I can only make out "I'm sorry" and "happy birthday" and a picture of Dawn and Ryan at the zoo on his ninth birthday. Awww! But the heart-wrenching moment is promptly ruined by the arrival of Marissa, with her banged-up face and wrapped-up arm. Great job not even putting a band-aid on her nasty forehead wound there, doctor. She sees Ryan across the way, absorbed in his letter. She stares at him and has a flashback to him saying that they're from two different worlds. She walks away before she can pass out into the water and almost drown. As she leaves, Sadie shows up. She tells Ryan that she cancelled seeing her ex, telling him that things between them are over and that she's made her choice. Ryan says he's glad she came. I wish he could have at least one episode of singleness before being thrown into another girl's arms.
Sadie and Ryan go inside, and Ryan introduces Sadie to Sandy and Kirsten. Sandy rudely says he's glad to see that Ryan has one friend at this party. "So this is your family?" Sadie asks. "Yeah...this is them," Ryan answers. Instead of sending pictures, they actually show up to his functions. Although I can't fault Dawn too much, seeing as not showing up and coming back into Ryan's life was probably the best thing she could have done for him after all.
Dr. Neil and Julie get ready to leave for their cruise. Julie goes to the car, while Dr. Neil stays behind to get his passport. And check out the huge diamond ring he's bringing along. Uh oh.
Volchok shows up at the guardhouse, where Marissa is sulking. She's the one who called him this time. He hands her a flask, and she drinks. And the only way I'll support this storyline is if she dies of alcohol poisoning before the episode.
Seth gets on the stage and tells the crowd that today is Ryan's eighteenth birthday. There is scattered applause from the crowd of strangers. Assholes! Just because you don't know the guy doesn't mean you get to be all rude and not clap for him while you enjoy the free birthday celebration. To celebrate, Seth continues, he has a tribute to Ryan's favorite band. A band starts playing, but they're not playing Journey. Ryan looks confused. Seth runs up to him and asks him if he's surprised by the Journey tribute band Seth got. Is that supposed to be the mind-blower? Because if the real Journey showed up, I'd say yes, but this isn't the real Journey and it's not even a Journey cover band. It's not even the real Foreigner! Ryan politely says that he definitely is, and waits for Seth to leave before he and Sadie comment that this Journey tribute band is playing a Foreigner song. Seth and Summer dance together, and Summer, too, is confused as to why the band isn't playing Journey. Seth explains that Foreigner was "about ten times cooler than Journey." True or not, it really sucks for Seth to go with his own personal opinion over Ryan's on Ryan's own birthday. I hope Ryan fucks him over in return on Seth's birthday by saying he got Death Cab to play it, only to reveal the real Journey. The fake band plays "Waiting For A Girl Like You," the lead singer not even hitting the high notes that I always thought really made that song good and the most fun to do for karaoke, as the couples, including Ryan and Sadie, dance together.
The song continues as Dr. Neil and Julie share a limo and hold hands.
But we end on Marissa and Volchok, of course. Volchok chivalrously gives Marissa his jacket. She leans her head on his shoulder. Don't you fall under her spell, Volchok! And way to get over each other so quickly, Ryan and Marissa! Bonus points go to Marissa for hooking up with Johnny's enemy. Oh, how I hate her.