In the last month since a new episode, some people have moved on with their lives while others are still in exactly the same place. Ryan's spending time with Sadie, having an absolute blast fixing her plumbing and painting stuff and realizing that even menial household chores are more fun than being with his actual girlfriend. Speak of the skinny devil, she's busy pouting over a new criminal investigation into Johnny's death that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Sandy and Matt the Non-Entity are still stuck in Hospital Deal Land. While Julie and Dr. Neil have stepped their relationship up to secret trysts in Dr. Neil's sports car, they're afraid to tell their kids the truth. Summer figures it out, though, and she, Seth, and Taylor do some half-assed plotting to try to find Dr. Neil a new woman. It doesn't work, and no one really cares anyway. Nice try trying to make that NewMatch story interesting and relevant to anything else on this show, though, guys. Sadie has a half-assed plot of her own: she heads for the Gloriously Disgusting Inland Empire to find Johnny's dad and get some overdue child support from him to give to the destitute Mrs. Harper. Ryan joins her, because even sleeping on the floor of a motel outside Indio and getting the crap beaten out of him by a gang of identical bail bondsmen is more fun than being with his actual girlfriend, and he even manages to smooth-talk Johnny's dad into giving him some money. Then Ryan not-so-smooth-talks Marissa into ending their relationship. He heads into Sadie's waiting arms, while Marissa will have Volchok to keep her company from now on.
Shout out to the people I enjoyed watching this episode with: Will, David, and the Grand Piano. Great company for a not-so-great show. Anyway, last time on The O.C., clips from the season to date were mashed together to make the show we've been watching seem exciting and fun.
We begin the episode with Summer, who does a voice-over, Scrubs and a bunch of other shows I can't think of right now-style over her staring at the camera and going about her morning routine. What's this? A format change? Oh, no -- Marissa enters the room and busts Summer playing a CD she made of herself doing a voice-over of her own life. Like, Summer actually went to the effort of recording herself speaking and then making a CD out of it and putting it on for the ten seconds it would take her to pick out which bikini she's going to wear into the hot tub. Summer has a lot of time on her hands. She explains that she wanted her own voice-over, just like her favorite character on The Valley. If we wanted to get really meta here, Summer could have followed that up with a comment about how her least favorite character has been hogging everyone else's storylines all season long and turning off most of the viewing audience, putting the show's future in jeopardy and causing the industry to question just how talented their little boy-wonder executive producer really is. But she doesn't say that. I'd say she must have said it to herself in an inner monologue, but she apparently lacks one, having had to resort to making her own on CD. Summer claims that the voice-over makes her life seem "more dramatic and meaningful," to which Marissa asks her if she really wants things to be even more dramatic for them than they already are. Hey, it's not like Summer's had anything dramatic to do all season. Why not? Marissa leaves to wait for Summer in the car she owns even though her family is poor, and Summer turns her CD back on. I have to admit that that was a funny little device there, even if it didn't make any sense.
Summer, Marissa, and Seth sit in the hot tub and wonder where Ryan is. No one knows, but Seth doesn't mind being the only guy around. Adam Brody's been working out, I think. He looks buff in the chest area. Sunken Chest and Summer start pretending to be on the verge on making out. "I have kissed a girl before," Marissa says, Mischa Barton actually delivering her line convincingly and giving us a little continuity to boot. She seems to be much better at the fun, smiley material than the sad, angsty stuff she's always given. Not like she's all that great at the happy stuff, either, just in case you thought I was actually paying Mischa Barton a compliment. When Marissa and Summer approach Seth and start feeling up his broad shoulders, he runs out of the tub to call Ryan. Some heterosexual man you are, Seth.
And where is Ryan? He's fixing the plumbing in the Harper house. He manages to destroy whatever working water Sadie and Mrs. Harper had left, but Sadie and Ryan laugh and laugh. I'm not laughing, though, because even though Ryan's t-shirt is all wet, he isn't taking it off. Lame! Sadie answers a knock at the door while Ryan answers his ringing cell phone. It's Seth, wondering where Ryan is: "I'm scared and I'm wet and I'm cold, Ryan." Meanwhile, the police are at Sadie's door. They've suddenly decided that Johnny's death wasn't an accident after all, and are so keen to begin the investigation that they raced over to Mrs. Harper's house at night with their sirens flashing. Ryan exits out the back door.
Meanwhile, random kids laugh and play on the beach even though it's, like, March.
Over in the Trailer Park of Poverty and Woe, Summer is trying to plan something with Ryan and Marissa, since they haven't spent very much time together lately. Because they HATE each other. I mean, didn't they break up in the last episode? When was that supposed to be relative to this episode, anyway? Last week? Last month? Where am I? What's going on? Can I claim early-onset dementia as an excuse for not having to recap this anymore? Anyway, I thought Ryan and Marissa broke up when Marissa brattily accused Ryan of being glad that Johnny died and he left her, disgusted, but then again, I also thought they were having sex way before the episode where they supposedly had it for the first time on Rape Beach. I'm way out of the loop when it comes to Ryan and Marissa, it seems. Maybe that's because I usually fall into a boredom coma whenever they grace my television screen. Marissa promises to call Ryan soon, leading Summer to an extremely clunky segue to her father, who's been way too busy with work lately. Summer thinks he's throwing himself into his job because he's depressed over his recent divorce. She's really worried about him. "I'm sure he'll snap out of it," Marissa says. Thanks for the sympathetic ear, friend.
Ryan and Seth arrive at the Harper house just as Sadie's getting off the phone with Mrs. Harper, who's apparently hiding away in Oregon with Sadie's mother while her home falls apart. The kitchen is a complete mess, with one cabinet totally destroyed for reasons I do not know. Maybe Sadie is a giant termite in disguise. That would certainly redeem this show for me, not to mention it would make a hell of a season finale. Sadie tells Ryan that the bank is about to foreclose on the Harper house, and that now that the police, having uncovered some "new evidence," are questioning how Johnny died, the insurance company won't pay out. Whoa, Mrs. Harper had life insurance plan on her teenage son? No wonder the police suspect foul play. ["And what company would even ensure a teenage surfer who could drown any day of the week?" -- Wing Chun] And what the hell happened to Mrs. Harper that she's suddenly unable to make ends meet? She does have a job, after all. Seth and Ryan assume that the police suspect Ryan of pushing Johnny off the cliff, but Sadie says it's Marissa they're after. Oh, good.
Kirsten and Julie pretend to run a business. Actually, Julie isn't even bothering to keep up the pretense anymore -- that is, if she ever did. She yawns and requests more coffee. "What's going on with you?" Kirsten asks her. "You've been zombie-like all week!" Hey, if anyone knows zombie-like, it's Kirsten. I know Kelly Rowan has had some pathetic material to work with this season, but she really needs to do more than stare vacantly and tilt her head from side to side. Make the most out of those awesome plotlines you get about making the perfect quiche, Kelly! Julie says she's been up late fooling around with Dr. Neil in his sports car. Oh, that poor sports car. Kirsten lectures Julie about keeping her relationship with Dr. Neil a secret, and Julie agrees, but says that between "the death of Marissa's friend" (I'm amazed she remembered!) and Summer losing her stepmother, she and Dr. Neil think it's best to lie low for a while. Also, Dr. Neil is probably ashamed of her.
The phone rings. It's Dr. Neil, who's starting to feel bad about keeping secrets from Summer. They agree to discuss the matter. In private. Lots of progress there. Julie runs off to take a nap, leaving Kirsten to wonder when, exactly, her life became so very empty. Maybe she should start making her own voice-over CDs. At least then she'd have company.
Meanwhile, over at the other Newport business no one cares about, Matt the Non-Entity has a visitor. It's Maya, who's bringing over some important documents that Matt forgot in her apartment. The new couple make out until Sandy barges in and interrupts them. He's very pleased to see that the daughter of that guy he needs to appease to get his stupid hospital built is smitten with his company's VP, and allows them all the time together they want, stopping just short of offering up the break-room table as a good location for some quickie sex. But Maya says she'll leave, since "nobody respects company time like a company girl." "Company girl"? Is Maya a hooker? What does that even mean? Where am I? What time is it? Maya takes off, and Matt says he's really into her. Sandy pressures Matt to talk to Maya about getting them a meeting with her father. But Matt's reluctant, not wanting to ruin the relationship he started for that specific purpose. "You need to come through," says Sandy, with all the drama. "The clock is ticking."
Over at Harbor, Seth and Summer are enjoying sharing a couch together when Taylor Townsend comes over and wedges herself between them. She demands to know what they're talking about, and when she hears that Summer is worried about her father, she insists that they come up with a plan. Taylor is so practical! A hot date might cheer Dr. Neil up, although Taylor Townsend needs to make sure that Dr. Neil's genital warts are no longer an issue. "Penicillin cleared that right up. It looks fantastic," Seth assures her. Taylor Townsend takes a minute, waiting for Seth to correct himself and say that he did not just mean to imply that he's seen Dr. Neil's deal. When this is not forthcoming, Taylor Townsend is forced to assume that Seth has indeed seen his girlfriend's dad's package and she decides not to ask about it anymore. Instead, Taylor wonders if NewMatch can take on Dr. Neil as a client, which has only happened, like, four or five times already. Sigh. And yet, Summer and Seth like this idea. Summer thinks she should pick out her dad's girlfriend, not trusting him to pick out someone suitable for himself, while Taylor Townsend says she'll start "brainstorming on ideas for fun things for old people to do on a first date." I love that Taylor Townsend used the word "brainstorm." And that she called Dr. Neil an old person. Hell, I love everything Taylor Townsend does. I'm so glad she's back.
Ryan tracks Marissa down at her locker and asks her if she's spoken to the police yet. She says she has, although she didn't realize that she was the only person they were interested in speaking to until now. Ryan offers to accompany her to the police station, but Marissa says she doesn't want to "drag" him into this. Plus, every time Ryan goes near a police station, he ends up getting arrested. It's best he stay away. Ryan apologizes for not being around lately, but Marissa says it's good that he's been helping out Mrs. Harper (although Marissa, of course, refers to her as "Gwen"). Marissa, of course, has been spending her time not doing a blessed thing for the mother of the guy she claimed to care so much about. I guess if Chili's not around to make tea for her to take to Gwen, she's just not interested.
Ryan returns to the Harper house ready to paint, wearing his Chino-style grey hoodie and wifebeater ensemble. Sadie cancels the painting session; she's on her way to "smack that stupid bastard around." Ooooh, tough words from the jewelry designer! The stupid bastard in question is Johnny's dad. Ryan gallantly offers to join Sadie on her trip to Brea, Land of the Poor and the Wicked, but Sadie already has partner. In walks Volchok, sporting a new tattoo on his arm that looks like someone took a red magic marker and scribbled all over his bicep. Whatever; he's still hot. Ryan and Volchok aren't pleased to see each other, and Volchok lies that he kicked Ryan's ass. Ryan calls him out on that, and Volchok says he'd be happy to "jump back in the ring" with Ryan any time. Whatever; he's still hot. Sadie explains that Volchok's dad and Johnny's dad used to be friends, so Volchok knows where they can find Mr. Harper. Well, isn't that an amazing coincidence! Ryan doesn't want Sadie to go anywhere with Volchok, and insists that Volchok just write the address down for them. Volchok does, saying he's happy to miss the opportunity to deal with Johnny's dad, whom Volchok hates. Plus, he figures that if Ryan's with Sadie, then Marissa is all alone. "What goes around comes around," Volchok smirks. Ryan tries to not to look giddily excited at the prospect of his wet-blanket girlfriend being taken off his hands.
Road trip time! Congested highways give way to lonely desert terrain as Ryan and Sadie make their way to the distant land of Brea...hey, wait a minute! A quick look at MapQuest tells me that Newport and Brea are only twenty-five miles apart, for a half-hour drive through terrain that doesn't seem to resemble the open desert Ryan and Sadie are coasting through. Plus, it's all highway. A fairly large highway. Either Volchok gave them the wrong directions as a prank that it's taken them way to long to figure out, or they're headed for a Brea in, like, New Mexico. Ryan urges Sadie to try taking a major highway to get them to their destination, which Sadie scoffs at, since she doesn't seem to think that highways are faster than crappy roads through the backcountry. She also doubts that a rich kid from Newport would know anything about driving inland. It's called Palm Springs, Sadie. Geez. This gives Ryan the chance to tell her his Tragic Backstory, which Sadie had no idea about despite the fact that Ryan is obviously not a Cohen and doesn't have their last name. "I grew up in Chino. My dad's in prison. My mom...couldn't make it work," he says rather diplomatically. This makes Ryan more attractive to Sadie. She wonders if Ryan's dad and Johnny's dad even met, since Mr. Harper has spent some time in jail himself. Is that a plot I smell brewing? I'm sure they did meet in prison, since there is only one prison in the whole world, and it's a small one at that. Sadie explains that her uncle owes Gwen child support, and that she's hoping to collect it to get Gwen the money she needs to keep her house. Hey, it's not like Gwen can use that money to support her child anymore. Might as well buy a new dishwasher.
Sandy invites Matt and Maya out to a dinner that has no ulterior motive behind it whatsoever. Whatsoever! Matt knows where this is going and says that he would rather be the one to bring up the hospital-dad thing to Maya, but Sandy ignores him, because that's what Evil Businessmen do. Then Marissa wanders in, saying that she stopped by the house and Kirsten head-tilted that Sandy was at work. Instead of taking the hint and just coming back later when Sandy was no longer at work, Marissa decided to rudely interrupt his busy day and ask him to take on some more of her silly problems. She needs his legal know-how for her upcoming chat with the cops. It's so upcoming, in fact, that she's supposed to be there RIGHT NOW. Way to make a good first impression, there, Marissa. Sandy gets right on the case, saying that he'll reschedule her statement and have the cops take it at his house instead of the station. Matt volunteers his apartment for absolutely no reason.
Night falls on the Cohen house. Kirsten and Julie are gathering their important documents together after finishing another day of fake work. Way to put your office in the kitchen there, ladies. Be sure not to get any paperwork in the Magic Bullet -- I don't think a paper smoothie would taste very good. Summer walks in and asks the women to help her dad out. He's miserable and working too much. Whatever time he isn't working, he's at the gym, "which is just weird," Summer says. It sure is -- I don't think Dr. Neil's seen the inside of a gym since the Reagan administration. "He's already dropped, like, twenty pounds!" Summer says. Obviously, worry has blinded the poor dear. Kirsten uses this opening to get Julie to confess to Summer that she's doing Summer's father, saying that maybe Dr. Neil is getting in shape to impress a new woman in his life. At this, Summer groans, saying that her dad has terrible taste in women. Left to his own devices, he's sure to wind up with "the first money-grubbing slutbag that gets into the back seat of his Maserati." You can say "slutbag" on network television? Over Summer's shoulder, we see Julie's jaw drop with outrage. Kirsten gleefully asks Julie if there's anything she'd like to add to this. There isn't. Summer also has a list of traits for her father's ideal woman. Apparently, he's into the "Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct" look, because Dr. Neil is an early-'90s kinda guy. Julie scans Summer's list and is upset to note that none of those traits -- which include sanity, intelligence, blonde hair, wealth, and being plastic surgery-free -- apply to her. NewMatch promises to see what they can find for Summer. I doubt it will be very much, since they don't have any female clients as of yet. In fact, the only client they do have is Dr. Neil, and they took him on for free. Summer is grateful for the help and leaves, and Julie starts freaking out that she isn't enough "woman" for Dr. Neil. Kirsten agrees with this, saying that she doubts Julie will ever be fluent in Italian. Well, at least she gets to talk sometimes, Kirsten.
Night has fallen and Ryan and Sadie have finally reached Jack Harper's house. Because we are in Brea, it is a disgusting mess, although I like the car seat lawn ornament. It's both decorative AND useful! "Uncle Jack is a really good neighbor," Sadie snarks hilariously. A man answers the door. It isn't Jack Harper, but it might as well be, since he's all gross and white-trashy and long-haired and mustachioed. Sadie asks him if he knows where Jack is. White Trash says he only knows that Jack moved to Indio. Also, he hates Jack. Why? Maybe Jack sold him that house above market value or something.
Ryan offers to join Sadie on her trip to Indio. She protests that it's two hours away (which, seeing as it took them half a day to make that half-hour trip to Brea, could mean that they'd get to India before Indio), and that Ryan "will be missed" if he doesn't return home for the night. You'd be surprised, Sadie.
Dr. Neil meets Julie for dinner. She's all Sharon Stoned-out, wearing that infamous white sleeveless turtleneck and doing a crossword puzzle. "What's a thirteen-letter word for 'secret'?" she asks. "Surreptitious," Dr. Neil immediately answers, showing that he does have at least one talent. One thing that is no longer surreptitious is Julie's vagina, as she does the slow leg-uncross-cross move and shows the entire restaurant what's going on beneath her skirt. The camera mercifully stays just above that display.
Meanwhile, Taylor Townsend is picking up a take-out order at the very same restaurant! She speaks to the waiter in fluent Korean, because she is awesome. She overhears some diners complaining about being put off their food and health hazards and follows their scowls to Dr. Neil's table, where she sees exactly what kind of slutbag he dates if his daughter doesn't help him out.
Brea is so far away that night fell an hour before it did in Newport. The sun is just setting whhile Marissa and Summer talk on the phone about -- shockingly -- Marissa. Summer orders her to call Ryan. Marissa says that she will, and hangs up on her friend.
Meanwhile, Ryan is settling into the motel room he'll be sharing with Sadie, who's already gotten comfortable enough to take a shower. I wouldn't touch a motel shower, but that's just me. They decide to pass the night with a poker game. Sadie would like to make it strip poker. WHORE! Ryan is flustered by the suggestion, as he isn't used to being around a girl who actually wants to have fun. In the end, they agree to play for who gets to sleep on the bed (another thing I wouldn't touch in a motel: the sheets) instead of who gets to be naked. The game beings, and Ryan's phone rings. He sees that Marissa is calling and decides not to answer.
The morning, Poker Loser Ryan is sleeping on the floor. Sadie enters the room with some donuts and coffee from the gas station. It's the Breakfast of Champions. She also has a lead on the search for Jack Harper: she just happened to be "flipping" through the Yellow Pages, when she found an ad for "Big H Bail Bonds." The "H" in the logo is really girly-looking, by the way. Sadie reasons that, since Jack Harper used to go by "Big H," he must own this business. I think this is entirely plausible, since no one else on the planet has the nickname "Big H" or would think to name their company that for any other reason. Plus, it's so easy for ex-convict alcoholics to start their own businesses.
Ryan gives Seth a ring. Seth is sleeping in Ryan's bed and probably smelling his sheets and pillowcases. He tells Ryan that no one missed him last night. Well, of course. Ryan assures him that he's gone for a "good cause," but that it's better that Seth not know what it is. Oh, come on, Ryan -- it's not like you're a secret agent fighting a mad genius's latest plan for world domination. You're going on a road trip with a pretty girl. "Good cause," my ass. Ryan asks Seth to stay out of his bed, because it's "creepy." Seth hangs up and rolls around in Ryan's bed some more.
Taylor Townsend walks into the poolhouse, although I can't see any possible reason for her to want to go there. Finding Seth, she tells him how she saw Julie and Dr. Neil together last night. They wonder if they should tell Summer about this, just as Summer chooses this very moment to enter. Seth wonders if perhaps they should call a locksmith. More like they should just close the freaking door every once in a while. Has no one in Newport ever heard of a mosquito? After some attempts to avoid telling Summer the truth, Taylor Townsend happily informs Summer that her father and Julie are "doing it." Seth thinks they should get some definitive proof. Okay, Peeping Tom. Taylor Townsend is happy to provide it, as she eavesdropped for, like, two hours and heard where Julie and Dr. Neil's tryst will be.
It's the driving range, where Dr. Neil swings at a ball, his gut protruding through his billowy polo shirt. HOT. Julie gets her turn, and we see that, despite her financial difficulties, she has managed to procure a matching golf outfit.
Meanwhile, Summer and Seth have managed to get their hands on a golf cart and are driving through the parking lot, binoculars in hand. Summer is horrified to see her father and Julie embracing. "That's so horrible!" she cries. "I think they're cute," says Seth.
Big H Bail Bonds is hella tough, y'all. The receptionist is too busy cleaning his gun to pay much attention to Ryan and Sadie when they enter. Also, every employee of this place looks exactly like that guy back in Brea. Surely some tough rednecks get haircuts every now and then? White Trash 2 informs Sadie and Ryan that Jack isn't in. Ryan and Sadie say they don't mind waiting for him to return until they're threatened with gun violence to wait out in the car. Sadie ingratiates herself by snotting that Jack's dead son would like to know where his father is.
Marissa has another one of her trademark Tragedy Montages. She stands at the cliff where Johnny whined his last whine, which is still marked off with police tape even though the fall happened months ago. Or was it yesterday? I have no concept of time anymore. In her artsy distorted-reality way, she remembers the night of Johnny's death and the meeting she had with the police earlier that we didn't actually get to see. Is this how Marissa's mind works? In lap dissolves and distorted audio? No wonder she's screwed up. The police's "new evidence" is the slightly singed letter Marissa wrote Johnny that he threw in the fire and totally destroyed. Fortunately, it was written on Magic Paper, so it's almost entirely legible, save for a few singe marks. Really, it looks like someone just put it on their stove, like I used to do in elementary school to create old-looking parchment. We finally get to hear some of what Marissa said to Johnny: "I'm not in love with you and I never will be." Harsh! I don't really understand what the police think they can blame Marissa for here; it's not murder to be mean to people.
Marissa snaps out of her montage and kicks over the police barricades. Pathetic. Then she realizes that she's not alone; Volchok is there, and he's got a flask full of fun to offer her! What a sweet guy. Marissa turns it down, and Volchok goes all irresistibly sensitive, saying that he and Johnny used to be friends before Johnny got better than him at surfing and Volchok couldn't handle it. He offers to be there for Marissa if she ever needs him. Marissa looks blank, as usual.
Sandy comes home from Marissa's statement session and tells Kirsten that he doesn't think the police have anything on her. He's tired, but has to get his energy up in time for their dinner with Matt and Maya tonight, since Maya is their only chance at getting that hospital built. Kirsten is not pleased to hear that her husband is becoming a schemer, and expresses this by putting on the ugliest jacket I've seen since the last time Marissa was on camera.
Jack Harper finally comes back to work. Sadie and Ryan are still waiting for him in Sadie's car, and run out to meet him. Jack Harper is big and burly and doesn't look anything like the high-cheekboned twerp he brought into the world. He also looks younger than most of this show's cast. He's not interested in talking to Ryan or Sadie, nor is he interested in paying Gwen back the money he owes her. He says he needed that money to start his hugely successful bail bond business in the middle of the desert. With that, Sadie grabs a pipe out of the back of Jack's truck and starts whaling away at his pick-up, because that's a great way to convince people to help you out. She really needs to take a few classes on how to get people on your side. I, for example, like her less and less as the show goes on. Jack runs over to get her away from his car, which means that Ryan the White Knight must spring into action to protect her impulsive ass. And now Sadie is no different than Marissa, who also loves to put Ryan in situations where he has to play Hero and get the crap beaten out of him. The entire staff of Big H Bail Bonds run outside to pummel Ryan while Sadie screams at them to stop. Well, what did she think was going to happen?
Even though we left Ryan at what appeared to be the brink of death before the commercial, when we come back he only has a few scrapes on his face that Sadie tends to in the booth of a nearby diner. "I'm sorry that I dragged you into this," she says. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have set him up like that now, would you, Sadie? But Ryan shrugs off her apology, since he probably kinda likes getting bruised up every once in a while. He asks Sadie what Gwen will do now that Sadie has destroyed any chance of getting money from their last resort. She's out of options. Ryan muses that he and Johnny had "a lot in common," being the sons of abusive dads and all. He excuses himself from the table.
Sadie hangs out by herself for a while and wishes she had her own voice-over CD so that she could say something about doors closing while others open or whatever. Then she notices that her car keys are gone. And that Ryan's driving her station wagon away. Good; I hope he drives it back to Newport and ditches her.
The quartet of adult boredom has dinner. Sandy pretends to be cordial and friendly, and then quickly gets down to business and asks Maya to get them one more meeting with her dad. Maya obviously doesn't really appreciate Sandy's strong-arming, but agrees to see if she can help them. Meanwhile, Kirsten and Matt look embarrassed at Sandy's behavior. Maya excuses herself from the table. Sandy tries to convince himself that he isn't the World's Biggest Asshole. He should buy Maya a box of churros to make up for it.
Seth -- who is still wearing the shirt he slept in Ryan's bed in -- makes out with Summer to celebrate some "evil plan" they've concocted to drive Dr. Neil and Julie apart. I can't wait to see how this stupidly plays out. Summer is worried that the plan may not work and that she'll be stuck with another Evil Stepmother, but Seth says that wouldn't be so bad; she'd have Marissa for a stepsister (horrors!), and Seth says he likes Julie, even though she recently tried to get his beloved best friend thrown in jail for murder.
Dr. Neil walks in, so satisfied after having sex with Julie that he doesn't even care that he just walked in on his daughter and her boyfriend about to do the same. He says he's happy for the "first time in a long time," and that he needs to talk to Summer tomorrow. With that, he gives Seth a knowing "go for it!" wink that you really don't want to see from your girlfriend's dad, and turns to leave. Summer calls him back, but then his phone rings and she lets him go to answer that. So I guess she's given up on her evil plan because she wants her father to be happy, even if it is with Julie Cooper-Nichol-(soon to be) Roberts. Meanwhile, Seth has "so many hormones" that need to accomplish their goal, so he shoves Summer back down onto the couch.
Ryan returns to Big H Bail Bonds, "just to talk." Good plan, Ryan; I don't think you'd win another fight any more than you won that last one. Big H doesn't want to hear it, but he listens anyway. Ryan says that his dad was an asshole, but of all the bad things he did, leaving his mother with nothing was the worst. Oh? It was worse than beating the crap out of her and her children? Ryan would rather have money and abuse than be poor and safe? And it's not like the guy had a choice about going away -- he got arrested! Ryan says that his family never had a chance at a better life without money, which isn't such a great message for this show to be sending. And it doesn't apply here to Big H anyway, since Johnny doesn't have a shot at life whether or not he has money, since he's dead. Ryan says that Johnny may never know that his dad tried to make things right. But Jack will.
With that, Ryan is tossed out of Big H's. Jack throws an envelope at his feet and tells him never to return, just as Sadie pulls up in the Only Cab in Indio. Ryan gives her the envelope, which is filled with money that Big H had sitting around his office. I hope he took out a few hundred bucks for truck repairs.
Sandy and Kirsten come home. Sandy reports that he just got a call from Matt; Maya's dad loved their stupid proposal and they have another meeting, just like he wanted. Matt and Maya, however, won't be having any more meetings since Maya dumped him. She claimed that it was to move back to New York, which Sandy is all too happy to take at face value, since it has the convenient bonus of freeing him from any blame for this. Kirsten isn't so quick to let him off the hook, and says that while she once thought her husband knew where to draw the line ("once" being two episodes ago, which could have been three seconds ago or seven years according to this show's wonky timeline), she's not so sure anymore.
And here's where things get a little murky for me, as my TiVo apparently got sick of this show and randomly quit recording it at the fifty-one minute mark, much to my horror. Fortunately, my memory is much better and clearer than Marissa's is, so I can recall the rest of the episode.
Ryan and Sadie drive home. Sadie thanks Ryan for coming with her, and he says that he really needed a change of scenery. And by "scenery," he means "girlfriend."
Meanwhile, Marissa is hanging out at the Bait Shop, watching a band that was seriously shortchanged. They only get a few lame snap-zooms and about three seconds of airplay. I don't even think we ever learn their name! Marissa is there alone, because she totally seems like the kind of girl who likes this music enough to seek it out on her own. When she sees Volchok staring at her, she leaves.
And now, Ryan and Marissa have the phone conversation we've all (well, many of us. I know I have!) been waiting for. As their stupid song plays, they mutually agree that their relationship is over through a series of grunts and stutters. That shit's Poignant, yo. And how fitting it is that a relationship that mostly consisted of phone conversations should end the same way. Buh-bye, Ryan and Marissa. You outlasted your welcome. And I'm sure we'll be seeing you again by the end of this season. Until then, there's a new prospect on the horizon: Sadie has just shown up with a deck of cards in her hand. Marissa gets a few seconds of singledom to spend watching a drop of glycerin fall down her cheek until Volchok shows up, ready to step in. So now I guess I can look forward to seeing his character being ruined.