Parties abound tonight! Over at Harbor, Taylor Townsend is behind a mandatory senior class lock-in that absolutely no one wants to attend. The Public Skool Kidz party at the beach house Chili owns despite being supposedly poor. And the adults prepare for Newport Charity Function #3,657,039,436, where Julie and 7 'n 7, with Kirsten's reluctant help, raise money for underprivileged women who can't afford the SURIAK rehab palace. Which would be, like, 99.95% of all women. Not like anyone except 7 'n 7 was going to get any of that money anyway, until Julie discovers what she's up to and calls her out on it, leaving her with the choice either to beat 7 'n 7...or join her. Ryan and Summer run around trying to keep Johnny and Marissa from consummating their special boring bond. Marissa insists that there's nothing going on between her and Johnny, although her obscenely low-cut braless tank top outfit says different. Johnny's girlfriend agrees, and cheats on him with his surfer rival, the very hot Volchok. Can't blame her there. Johnny runs off to confront Volchok, but Ryan intercepts him and then punches Volchok himself, because Ryan Never Learns. So he and Summer miss the lock-in, leaving Seth alone with Taylor Townsend. Seth gets a glimpse at what a ridiculous beeyotch Taylor Townsend's mother is and feels sorry for her, so he helps her out when the entire school turns against her during the lock-in. In return, Taylor Townsend totally refuses to let Summer into the lock-in because she wants Seth all to herself. Can't blame her there. Also, Sandy did some stuff with the Newport Group.
We open on Marissa, which is nice, because it immediately tips off any Marissa haters not to watch this episode, which will be all about her. Then again, that's been EVERY episode this season, so I'd think the Marissa haters would have moved on to something else to watch on their Thursday nights. Marissa's having a bad dream in which she sees recycled footage of Trey almost raping her and then her shooting him in the back. Only a difficult, high-maintenance bitch like Marissa would have a dream that forced me to go back through all of Season 2 to find the right links. Plus she dreams in fast-forward, so it doesn't even fill that much time. Ugh. Marissa wakes up from her nightmare, glistening with super-sexy sweat, and leaves the bed she's sharing with Summer. I guess the StepMonster took all the beds away when she removed all the mirrors from the mansion. Alternately, Marissa and Summer are totally doin' it.
Marissa goes out into the hallway, giving us all a better view of her decision to wear a transparent scrap of sateen she picked up from the JoAnn Fabrics sale bin as a pajama top. And so that she can call Ryan without waking Summer up. Nice of her to take Summer's need for body-replenishing sleep into consideration there, although I don't know why she couldn't have done the same for Ryan while she was at it. Over in the poolhouse, Ryan and his hot little wifebeater (yes, I approve of tiny pajama tops for men but make fun of them on women. I'm a hypocrite) wake up and answer the ringing phone. I'm surprised he doesn't have a special ring for Marissa, like maybe Death Cab for Cutie's "The Sound Of Settling." Marissa tells Ryan about how she had this dream, and Ryan was there, and Trey was there, and listening to other people's dreams is never fun. Especially not when you're abruptly woken up to do it. Marissa says that she's scared. Ryan tells her not to be, because Trey is gone (until he comes back to wreak havoc in Season 5) and everything is okay. He says that they'll talk more in the morning. Marissa hangs up, and there's Summer to her, wearing long-sleeve PJs because the temperature on the opposite sides of her bed apparently varies wildly. Marissa complains that Ryan hasn't been very supportive of her residual difficulties in dealing with the Trey thing, especially considering that he "went through it" with her. Except that Trey is Ryan's brother and didn't try to rape him, so I think his take on the situation might be a little different. Also, he's trying to sleep. Summer says that she's there for Marissa. Marissa wishes Ryan could tell her that, even though he does in the episodes when we're supposed to think they're the most perfect couple ever. So, every other week. Back in bed, Ryan reaches for his phone, opens it, and then changes his mind and goes back to bed. Good boy.
Sandy and Kirsten see Ryan off for his first day back at Harbor, adorably nervous and excited for him. I'll bet his invisible tutor doesn't feel this way, now that her money train has stopped. Ryan promises that he won't get in any trouble (which not even he cane believe, at this point), and then he and Seth are off. "Just you and me," Kirsten tells Sandy, posing sexily on the counter. "How 'bout another cuppa coffee?" Sandy replies cluelessly. They walk outside with their coffees and sit down to discuss the Newport Group. Somehow, I don't think this is what Kirsten had in mind when she was thinking about how she and Sandy had a whole day alone together. Sandy has a meeting with some potential buyers tomorrow, but he wants to make sure Kirsten is totally okay with letting it go before he does. She is.
Seth and Summer walk along the beautiful grounds of Harbor and discuss their favorite topic: Ryan and Marissa. Because when we focus on other people's relationship issues, we don't have to worry about our own, like how we've barely touched each other since the season premiere -- right, guys? Summer thinks Ryan and Marissa are heading for another breakup, and she's worried that Marissa will disappear from their lives and be swallowed up by Newport Union, which she claims is like a "Bermuda Triangle." Really though, it's a miracle that Marissa hasn't been swallowed by the cracks in the sidewalk yet. Summer thinks the solution to Ryan and Marissa's relationship difficulties is for them to spend more time together. Then Ryan joins them and grouses that he has a lot of work to catch up on, and will probably have to spend the entire weekend doing it. Summer tells him that's impossible, since the Cohens have invited her and Marissa over for dinner tonight. Which they didn't, but I'm sure Sandy will roll with Summer's latest wacky plan, like he did last week. And it's not like he's got anything else to do all day, alone in the house with his horny wife. Ryan thinks Marissa needs space, but Seth and Summer disagree. And Ryan will listen to them, since they're both so good at relationships themselves. When Summer isn't telling Seth to get his cootie-infested hand off of her, that is.
The three step up to Harbor's in-house Starbucks and order coffees, only to have their morning ruined by the appearance of Taylor Townsend, none the worse for wear after losing her boyfriend to Sandy and Summer's recent machinations. She's rebounding nicely by planning a mandatory senior class lock-in the night. And while I could consider the logistics of throwing such an event at the last minute and making it mandatory when I'm sure some students' parents wouldn't sign the necessary permission slip, that would take too long and is futile besides, so I won't. Taylor Townsend reminds Ryan that he can't afford to get in trouble by skipping the lock-in, and he gives Taylor Townsend an insincere smile-and-point as he promises to be there. Which is exactly how you know that he won't. "SUPER!" Taylor Townsend cries, adding that they will enjoying s'mores: she had the idea of using bunsen burners for campfires. "Oh my god! That's genius!" Seth says, hilariously sarcastic. Although I'm wondering if he isn't just jealous that he didn't think of it first. Taylor Townsend recruits Seth and Ryan to help her set up for the event, saying that they owe her for helping Ryan to get back into school. Yes, because she had nothing to do with getting him kicked out of it in the first place. And yet, neither Seth nor Ryan protests this or refuses to help, even though they have every right to, since it's not like Dean Evil's around to threaten them with locker room cleaning detentions or anything like that. Those boys are whipped. All three kids mourn the loss of their weekend.
Because the Newport Union kids must have a corresponding event every time something happens at Harbor, they tell Marissa about the traditional beach party known as "Dawn Patrol," where they stay up all night and party to celebrate the arrival of the swells coming in from Antarctica, which promise great surfing fun. And, one hopes, a few confused penguins. Casey and her insanely white teeth invite Marissa to join them for some pre-Dawn Patrol surfing after school, even though Marissa doesn't surf and isn't any fun. Johnny offers to give her surfing lessons, but Marissa says she's happy enough just watching them. The bell rings, and Casey and Chili set off for their classes while Marissa and Johnny walk to theirs, which are conveniently in the opposite direction of the others'. When Marissa turns to face the camera, we see that she has managed to wear something made of even less material than her pajama top last night. The neckline hangs down past what would be below her nipples if she didn't have all that boob sag going on. How sad that Marissa and Julie had to sell off their bras when Julie lost the family fortune. Say what you will about public school, but at least the one I went to enforced a strict rule about shorts being no more than four inches above the knee. Apparently, Newport Union isn't quite so strict with its dress code. Johnny comments that Marissa looks tired. "Gee, thanks," she says, as Mischa Barton tries desperately to pull off the sarcastic wit that Adam Brody has perfected. Johnny guesses that the reason for Marissa's sleeping problems is bad dreams. He offers to buy her something from the vending machine, because he's so much more understanding than Ryan, what with Johnny's free Cokes and all.
Julie meets 7 'n 7 for lunch and informs her that she's gotten most of the furniture moved into their new condo. 7 'n 7 offers to throw Julie a housewarming party, but Julie thinks 7 'n 7's incredible generosity is starting to become "a little creepy." And for that, Julie wins the "Most Astute Character" award. Not like she had any competition, but still, it's always nice to be recognized. 7 'n 7 insists, but Julie doesn't think anyone would come anyway: she lost her friends when she lost her money. They won't even look at her at her cardio class, although that might be more that they're trying to avert their eyes from Julie's braless workout than anything else. Maybe Julie should have cancelled her gym membership instead of selling off all of her and Marissa's bras. Priorities. 7 'n 7 says that she experienced the same social rejection after her first stint in rehab, although that might have had something to do with the fact that 7 'n 7 stole all of her friends' money (but not after spending twice as much for the elaborate con in the first place). 7 'n 7 got over it by throwing a party, which might explain why her first rehab visit wasn't her last. She urges Julie to do the same. They can hold a charity benefit, and Kirsten can help! Back at the Cohen house, Kirsten (sharing a fifteenth cup of coffee with Sandy) wonders why her ears are burning.
Marissa returns home to Summer, who invites her to dinner at the Cohens' tonight. Marissa promises to come after she finishes hanging out with Johnny on the beach. Marissa is still wearing that "shirt." I can't wait to see what happens to it when it meets a light ocean breeze.
Marissa finds a wetsuit-clad Johnny on the beach. He's taking a break from surfing, but Chili is still out there and Casey hasn't arrived yet, which conveniently leaves Marissa and Johnny alone together. They sit, and Marissa says that the ocean is so beautiful that she almost wishes she surfed. Johnny Olivers that surfing helped him deal with his sad past. Marissa asks him if he wants to talk about it, but Johnny would rather go get a sweatshirt from his car. Marissa says she'll call Summer while he's gone. Johnny asks Marissa if she's supposed to be somewhere else tonight. Marissa pauses, and then says no. Lame, Marissa.
Beef stew is on the Cohen dinner menu. Seth groans that he misses the days when his parents got takeout all the time. Summer enters and informs them that Marissa won't be joining them tonight. Ryan stops setting the table to ask why, and Summer admits that Marissa is on the beach. With Johnny. I thought Summer wanted Ryan and Marissa to stay together, and yet, here she is, sucking out at coming up with an excuse for Marissa that won't make it look like she's cheating on Ryan. The air is thick with tension as everyone waits to see how Ryan will react to this. Seth breaks the silence with a request that Ryan not punch Summer. Hee. Ryan tries to blow it off, but he's not happy.
Fortunately, Johnny lends Marissa a sweatshirt so that she can actually experience what it's like to wear real clothes. She notes that the shirt is from his old school's baseball team. Johnny says that he quit baseball and all of his other activities when he moved to Newport: "New town, new sports." But Marissa didn't skip beef stew to stop there, and asks Johnny for details. Johnny says he had a fight with his dad a few years ago and hasn't seen him since. And now we're stuck in a scene with two people who can't deliver many lines convincingly -- let alone serious and emotional ones -- from which there is no escape. Johnny, his voice pausing with sadness but not really, says that his dad was an abusive drunk who beat up his mother. One day, he came home and found him strangling her. "I just...lost it," he says. "Lost it," Marissa parrots. I'm about to lose it. Johnny says he grabbed his baseball bat and beat the crap out of his dad. He blacked out during the actual violence, and came to to find himself covered with blood and his dad unconscious on the floor. Marissa totally feels his pain, since she shot that guy once. She puts an arm around Johnny, and he says that the craziest part of this whole story is that Marissa is the person he's told it to. I actually think the crazy part was when he couldn't remember almost killing his dad, but that's just me. Casey finally arrives just in time to see her boyfriend and Marissa looking very close. I'll bet she's really glad she befriended poor, friendless, bullied Marissa now!
The morning or afternoon, Summer pokes Marissa awake and asks her where she was all night. Marissa says that she was with Johnny. Summer doesn't appreciate having been put in the position to tell Ryan that, nor is she thrilled to find Johnny's sweatshirt in her bedroom. At this point, the question is who isn't sleeping in Summer's bed? Marissa swears to Summer that she would never cheat on Ryan, but that she and Johnny have things in common that they needed to talk about last night. Like their mutual attraction to each other. "He just gets me," Marissa says. I'm glad someone does, since I don't understand how Marissa can't understand how not cool it is to blow off her boyfriend to spend time stroking another guy's back. Marissa invites Summer to tonight's beach party to see things for herself. Summer accepts, but urges Marissa to apologize to Ryan for ditching him last night. Marissa would rather sleep. She sucks.
Ryan and Seth are helping to set up for the lock-in when a well-rested Marissa strolls in to apologize to Ryan for ditching him without even calling him, in order to spend time with Johnny talking about "personal" things. Amazingly, she had the presence of mind not to wear Johnny's sweatshirt. Marissa begs Ryan to believe her when shey says that there is nothing going on between her and Johnny, apparently not understanding that repeated insistence of one's innocence is a sure sign of guilt. Saint Ryan says it's okay with him as long as it's okay with her. I'm sure it is. Marissa wants to have a private conversation with Ryan now, so she steps about two feet to her right. She tells him she's still having problems with the Trey thing. Before Ryan can say anything, Taylor Townsend orders him to get back to work.
Sandy meets with the Newport Group's prospective buyers even though it's Saturday. An older man introduces Sandy to young Matt Ramsey, a "rising star" in their company. The three sit down, and the older guy tells Sandy he's thrilled about buying the sinking ship that is the Newport Group. Sandy says there's only one condition, but before he can say what it is, Matt guesses it's the low-income properties down by the beach. Sandy says he doesn't want them torn down, even though they don't bring in much money. Matt agrees, calling them "the heart and soul" of the Newport Group. I think Caleb would have disagreed. The older guy is less emphatic in his agreement, because he is an evil greedy businessman. He gives Sandy his word that the properties will stay up (which isn't worth much if it's not in a written contract, but whatever), and they all shake hands. Sandy notices that Matt won't look him in the eye.
Taylor Townsend shows Seth some homemade signs that will keep the students "psyched into the wee hours." "You're...talented," Seth says, just as awesomely as he told her she was a genius for using bunsen burners. I'm finally starting to understand what everyone sees in Seth Cohen. He goes to put the posters up as Taylor Townsend is called to the doorway by a woman with severe eyebrows. It's Momma Townsend, and she's a total bitch, y'all! She calls the lock-in workers "prisoners," saying they look like they want to be there as much as Momma Townsend does. They go to Momma Townsend's car to get some party favors. Seth realizes that he doesn't have any tape to put the posters up with. He looks for Taylor Townsend to get some, and is secret witness to Taylor and Momma Townsend's conversation, apparently delivered very loudly since Seth can hear them from across the street. Momma Townsend accuses Taylor of having this lock-in so that she doesn't have to spend another Saturday night alone. She tells Taylor that if she just loosened up, she'd be popular. I wonder if having a super-critical cold uncaring bitch for a mom has anything to do with Taylor's unloosened-upness. Momma Townsend hands the bags off to Taylor to carry into the gym herself, and throws out one last insult: that Taylor's "ass is so not meant for low-riders." Taylor Townsend looks like the saddest little girl in the world. Seth is like, "Yeesh!"
Marissa introduces Summer to the Public Skool Kidz. Chili tells Summer she's a "hot chick," because he has no social skills. Summer isn't impressed with him, and has got to be wondering how Marissa managed to find a group of friends that are identical to her Harbor ones. If only there was a Bizarro Luke, the transformation would be complete. Just then, a tall, blond, topless man with an absolutely cut upper body strolls up and obnoxiously asks Johnny to introduce him to his groupies. Johnny introduces them to "Volchok," which I'm pretty sure is Bizzaro language for "Luke." No one pays attention to Volchok's less attractive and less buff friend. Johnny and Volchok are surfing rivals. I hope they're not also classmates, since Volchok looks about thirty years old. Then again, so does everyone else. Volchok makes fun of Johnny for wiping out on a wave earlier, and Chili retorts that Volchok sucked out of a professional surfing tour. Johnny directs his group to another spot on the beach where he can once again be the most attractive guy around. They walk away, except for Casey, who Volchok asks to stay behind. She does, and no one even notices her absence, least of all Johnny, who's chatting it up with Marissa. Volchok points this out to Casey, like she didn't know it already.
7 'n 7 and Julie tell Kirsten some wacky stories about their shared living experience. Julie has been leaving wet towels all over the floor from her apparent multiple daily showers. Julie bemoans the loss of a maid to clean them up for her. Everyone laughs, and Kirsten says they must be having lots of fun living together. Especially since Julie's daughter isn't around to add to the wet towel pile with her wet blanket self. The three women sit outside, and Julie and 7 'n 7 get down to business: they want throw a black-tie charity event to raise money so that "underprivileged women" can go to SURIAK. I have a feeling the percentage of underprivileged women in the American population who otherwise couldn't afford SURIAK is about 99.98. And yet, Kirsten thinks this is a great cause. That is, until 7 'n 7 asks/tells her to help them out. Kirsten apologizes, but says she told herself she'd wait a while before diving back into the Newport social scene. 7 and Julie make sad faces. Kirsten leaves to tend to the whistling tea kettle. "I'll handle this," 7 promises Julie, and follows her inside. I don't think 7's talking about the boiling tea kettle, either.
As Kirsten pours the tea and silently congratulates herself for mastering the art of boiling water, 7 calls her "Kiki" (the nerve!) and appeals to Kirsten's caring side. You see, 7 thinks that this event is really important for getting Julie back on her feet, which Kirsten should care about because Julie tried to put Kirsten's adopted son in jail a few weeks ago. I really don't understand why we can deal with the fallout from all of this with Marissa, but pretend it never happened when it comes to all the other characters. 7 says that the party won't get any attendees without Kirsten's help, since Julie has no friends and 7 is new in town. Then Julie walks in, and Kirsten tells her she'd love to help out with the event. Julie is pathetically grateful, as the newly poor so often are. 7 smiles smugly. And also creepily.
Rock music plays us into the Public Skool Kidz beach party, which will be hosted by Chili from his home on the beach. He has a home on the freaking beach. In Newport. Great job convincing us that those Public Skool Kidz really have things rough with their poverty, there, writers. Chili offers to give Summer a tour of the place, but she calls him a dork and he is silenced. Someone should clue him in that Summer likes dorks. Marissa strokes Johnny's arm and asks him to show her where to put her stuff down. They go off together. Summer asks Chili where Johnny's girlfriend is. He doesn't know or care.
Summer spies on Johnny and Marissa as they go into Chili's bedroom. Marissa puts her bag down and finds a picture of Johnny and Chili from their dorky-little-kid days, which doesn't really make sense if Johnny moved to Newport and met Chili only a few years ago. Or maybe they dressed up as Power Rangers when they were fifteen. Whatever. Embarrassed, Johnny grabs the picture away and hides it behind his back. Marissa giggles flirtatiously and reaches for the picture, putting her hands all over the guy who isn't her boyfriend. Summer looks pained. I guess the Dawn Patrol punch isn't sitting well.
Seth is lying on a pommel horse when his phone rings. He manages to extract it from his pants pocket -- not a small feat when you consider how tight his pants are. Being a hipster is tough sometimes. Summer's on the other end, and she says that Ryan needs to get to Chili's house right now! It's an emergency! Before she can tell Seth the melodramatic nature of it, Taylor Townsend grabs the phone away from him and lectures that cell phones are not allowed in the lock-in. Seth almost strangles Taylor Townsend, but manages to restrain himself and point out that the lock-in hasn't even started yet. Taylor Townsend doesn't care. She walks away with Seth's phone. I just want to know what happened to those Sidekicks everyone was walking around with last week. Ryan asks Seth what's going on, and Seth tells him that there's an emergency at Chili's house on Dune Road. Ryan takes off. Taylor Townsend reminds him that if he doesn't come back by 9, he'll be locked out and in a lot of trouble. Ryan doesn't care, because the day needs saving.
Marissa and Johnny check out Chili's CD collection together. Summer and Chili watch them from afar. Chili asks Summer why she doesn't like him. There are so many reasons -- starting with the fact that he calls himself "Chili" -- but Summer picks the one that's least insulting and says that she's already dating a dork. Chili says that just makes him more hopeful. He pats Summer on the leg, and she laughs. She's about three seconds away from wrestling with him over an embarrassing picture and then indignantly wondering why everyone seems to think she and Chili have something going on while she ditches her real boyfriend every chance she gets.
Casey finally shows up to the party, but pulls away from Johnny when he tries to touch her. Marissa manages to get a clue and makes an excuse to leave the real couple alone. Summer tries to call Seth to tell him not to send Ryan over after all, but Seth isn't answering his phone. Then Summer spots Ryan and tells him that her whole frantic call about Marissa being in trouble was just a false alarm, so he can go back to the lock-in. Ryan isn't buying it. The rocks in Summer's head can't think of an excuse, so she admits that Johnny and Marissa seemed to be getting a little too close, but now that Johnny's real girlfriend is here, it's obvious that she was getting worked up over nothing. Marissa walks out and asks Ryan what he's doing there. Summer lies that Ryan was making sure she would get to the lock-in on time. Then Johnny walks out and greets Ryan. He offers to get Ryan a beer, and Ryan says he'd love to stick around.
Sandy has called Matt the Rising Star into his office for a private meeting. Sandy doesn't think he can trust Matt's boss. Matt tattles that his boss will be tearing those low-income properties down the first chance he gets. With loyalty like that, who wouldn't want Matt to work for him? Especially not Sandy, who sees Matt's "honesty" as a valuable commodity. Matt has an idea: Sandy should keep the Newport Group and hire Matt to help him run it. I'm pretty sure there are rules in business about stealing employees like this, but apparently not here. Sandy says that Matt barely looks older than his son. Singular. Nice, Sandy. Real nice. Matt says that he's twenty-six, making him younger than Ryan's portrayer and only a little bit older than Seth's, so, nice guess there, Sandy. Matt also graduated from Berkeley, which you know Sandy loves. How many surrogate sons can one guy have? He tells Matt that his résumé is impressive, but that he lacks life experience. "That's what you'll bring to the table!" Matt says, and I have flashbacks to the short time I transcribed footage for The Apprentice. If he starts talking about "skill sets," I am out of here! "I will work my ass off for you," Matt promises. He then appeals to Sandy's sense of community service, saying that Sandy could help a lot of people if he was in charge of a multi-million dollar company. Maybe so, but last I heard, the Newport Group was basically bankrupt. Matt says he just wants a shot. Sandy says he'll ask his wife.
Julie and 7 plan their ridiculous charity function over dinner. 7's phone rings. She claims it's her father, and excuses herself from the table just as the waiter approaches with the check. With moves like that, it's almost like 7 is a real con artist. Except that Julie doesn't have the money to cover the bill, so she goes into 7's pocketbook to get it. The waiter doesn't have a problem with this, but Julie does, as she finds no less than five gold "Versa" credit cards, each made out to a different woman. Uh oh!
The teens have a hot, fun, sexy time at Chili's party. How sad for Chili that his parents both died, leaving him alone and unsupervised like this. Maybe Marissa can go bond with him over that week. Ryan assures Marissa that he's only at the party because Summer called him, although he's starting to think he should be as worried about Johnny as everyone tells him to be. He asks Marissa what's going with them. "I don't know," Marissa non-reassures him. She says she can talk to Johnny about things she can't talk to Ryan about. Ryan points out that Marissa wanted to talk to him at 4 in the morning. Marissa angrily says that Ryan's response to that was to go back to sleep. Oh, well, that justifies everything you've done this episode, doesn't it, Marissa? Ryan says that he doesn't understand what Marissa wants him to do. Summer walks up at exactly the wrong time, and Ryan says he needs to get back to the lock-in. "See ya," Marissa snorts.
Seth calls Ryan from the pay phone he must have had to go to Newport Union to find. He tells Ryan to get Summer to the lock-in, since the deadline is fast approaching. Also, he's concerned about the "lip herpes" he's contracting from this public phone. "That's disgusting," Ryan says. He promises to be there as soon as he can, and hangs up. Summer catches up to Ryan and begs him to go back and make up with Marissa, because Summer will sleep better if they do. Well, if it makes Summer feel better, then I guess that's okay. Ryan can kiss his "not getting into trouble at Harbor" resolution goodbye, though. Actually, he can do it at the same time as he kisses Marissa goodbye and kill two birds with one stone!
Johnny sits down to Marissa. She tells him that she got in a fight with Ryan. He urges her to call Ryan and talk to him. He leads her someplace "quiet" where she can do this -- Chili's bedroom. Oops! It's already occupied! By Casey...and Volchok. And they aren't just touching each other on the back. Casey jumps up and starts to put her clothes back on while Volchok just stays on the bed with the biggest shit-eating grin ever on his face. Volchok sneers, "You get my sponsorship, I got your girl. Seems fair to me." Then he politely greets Marissa on his way out. He really is a gentleman. He passes Ryan and Summer, who walk up to find Marissa with her hand on Johnny's back.
Back from commercial, Chili's party is apparently over, leaving Ryan, Summer, Chili, and Marissa to comfort Johnny. Chili thinks Johnny should go find Volchok and get the crap beaten out of him. Great plan, Chili. Shut up. Johnny says he wants to be alone. He leaves, and there's a knock at the door. Marissa answers it, because it's most dramatic if she does so even though this isn't her house and Chili's standing right there. It's Casey. She wants Marissa to know she's not a "terrible person"; she just saw where Johnny and Marissa's relationship was headed. Also, Volchok is way hotter than Johnny. "It's not even like that," Marissa says. Casey says it totally is: Johnny is falling in love with Marissa, and Casey didn't want to stand around and wait to get hurt. Someone needs to clue Ryan in on this line of thinking. It would be especially great if Ryan hooked up with Casey. Chili runs in and announces that Johnny has disappeared, probably to go after Volchok.
Julie and 7 leave the restaurant. Julie has one "teensy" question for 7: "Who the hell are you?" Confronted with Julie's credit-card discovery, 7 lamely says that there must be a "misunderstanding." Julie says she has heard and told every lie in the book, so 7 might as well save some time and tell her the truth. 7 says she was never going to hurt Julie, since Julie doesn't have any money to steal. Julie says that's a total load, since throwing a party and skipping town with all the charity money and leaving Julie to deal with the fallout would be pretty harmful indeed. I still want to know why Julie even had to be part of this plan, since 7 only needed Kirsten to get the party going in the first place. Then again, I really, really don't understand why 7 invested all this money in going to SURIAK and buying a four-room beachfront condo for a crappy payoff of a few thousand charity-function dollars. 7 breaks it down for Julie: she and Julie can go through with the charity function, split the proceeds, and none of the function invitees will be any the wiser. Plus Julie will be "rich" again. She'll be able to buy a sweet dollhouse with those thousands. Probably not a real house, though. "I'm not a criminal," Julie says. 7 points out that if Julie wants to support her family, she'll have to be one sooner or later. The choice is hers. I don't see how Julie would think it was better to scam a bunch of people out of their money than accept a loan from Kirsten for the condo.
Sandy and Kirsten discuss the NewNewport Group. Sandy says he's always hated the thought of being a white-collar businessman, but since he shut down his law firm to run the company while Kirsten was away, he might as well do some good while he's at it. He wants to make sure Kirsten is okay with this. She whisper-talks that Sandy should do whatever makes him happy.
The lock-in will begin in twenty minutes. Seth tries to get Taylor Townsend to let Ryan and Summer in late, but she's not having it. She tells Seth to sit down, and addresses the crowd. It's time for trust falls! Taylor Townsend orders them to buddy up with someone they don't know, hopefully from a different race. Everyone turns to look at the only black student, who now has an embarrassment of buddy riches. Actually, since Harbor doesn't have any non-white students, everyone just starts hurling insults and shoes at Taylor. It's brutal. Or it would be, if the show paid more than one person to shout things at her. Taylor is rattled and upset. Seth grabs the mic from her and starts setting up a rousing game of Capture the Flag. The one student with lines starts lamely making fun of Seth, and more shoes are thrown, but Seth is used to this kind of treatment and isn't fazed in the least. "Thank you," Taylor says. Awww.
The Ryan Rover screeches to a halt near a beach campfire, which is surrounded by Volchok and his cronies. Johnny's already there, asking Volchok how he could do Johnny so wrong by stealing Casey. Volchok tosses Johnny on the sand, calls him a "little bitch," and then kicks sand in his face. Tonight's episode was brought to you by Charles Atlas, who reminds you that even a ninety-pound weakling can become a husky man by using the Atlas method. Ryan runs up and pushes Volchok off of Johnny, leads Johnny away, and then turns around and sucker-punches Volchok in the face. He warns Volchok to "stay away" from Johnny, when he should really be warning Johnny to stay away from Marissa. Good to see that Ryan's learned his lesson about not punching people out, though. He's not pathologically violent at all. Or pathologically nosy, either. Not, since Johnny is none of his business and yet, here Ryan is getting involved.
Sandy and Matt celebrate the NewNewport Group at a bar. Matt orders them two shots of Patrón, promising to follow it up with the rest of the bottle. Sandy gets stern and says he will have none of this behavior at his company. Except on the weekends, maybe. And tonight. Cheers!
Seth is spending his lock-in time alone. Taylor Townsend walks up and thanks him for helping her out before, and says she thinks they can work something out for Summer and Ryan. They share a pizza topped with the shared experienced of friendlessness.
Marissa drops Summer off at the lock-in. But it's too late: the doors are locked. Summer bangs on the doors, somehow believing a Taylor Townsend-run event will cut her any kind of break. Taylor Townsend hears her and calls to her through the door, but then she glances back at Seth and realizes that, with Summer gone, she can spend the entire night with him. She leaves Summer outside. You go, Taylor Townsend! Summer continues to bang on the door, but no one can hear her, which is just about as ridiculous as the fact that this lock-in is unchaperoned. What's up with that, Dr. Kim?
Johnny buys Ryan some diner food and asks him where he learned how to fight "like that." Like what? Punching unsuspecting people in the face and then leaving before they can retaliate? From the School of Dishonor, I'd guess. Ryan says he learned how to fight in Chino, although he never actually won a fight until he got to Newport, where people just let you punch them in the face and then lie on the ground like bitches.
Marissa and Summer stroll outside the diner. Summer complains that Seth is going to be upset with her for missing the lock-in. "I feel like it's my fault you missed the lock-in," says Marissa, adding, "Actually, I kind of feel like everything's my fault." She'd win the "Most Astute Character" award if it hadn't already been awarded to Julie. Summer asks Marissa if she's talking about Johnny and Casey, but Marissa says that wasn't what she meant. Of course not. Summer tells Marissa to wise up to the fact that Johnny likes her and everyone else knows it. Marissa whines that she wishes everything would just "slow down," whatever that means. They catch a glimpse through the diner windows of Ryan and Johnny hanging out in the diner, and Summer says she anticipates a few more problems. Can at least one of them not involve Marissa? Please?