Senior year is here, and that means villains, villains, villains! Oh, and carnivals. But mostly villains. First up is Harbor's new "Dean of Discipline," who hates Ryan and Marissa, for some reason, and manages to get half of the couple expelled -- and not the half from Chino, either -- after a thousand Harbor parents hilariously sign a freaking petition to remove the attempted rape and murder victims from the hallowed grounds of their school. This paves the way for Villian #2, Taylor Townshend, to become the new Social Committee chair, a job she's been doing for Marissa for the last year or two anyway, and without any of the AWESOME POWER such a lofty position grants. Summer doesn't like seeing Marissa's legacy of...uh...prom-planning being tarnished, so she and Seth plot to dethrone Taylor by coming up with their own plans for the Kick-Off Carnival. It works, and we're supposed to be happy to see Taylor get her comeuppance, but I just felt sorry for her, so I understood her tattling to Dean Evil that Marissa was at the carnival. He responds by roughly grabbing Marissa's arm and dragging her away, which gets him a punch in the face from Ryan the Idiot Who Never Learns, which then, in turn, gets Ryan expelled. Off to public school with you mischievous kids! Villain #3 is 7 'n 7, who convinces Kirsten to join her at her dad's cabin/makeshift halfway house. Sandy isn't too thrilled with the idea, but 7 'n 7 gets Kirsten to promise her she won't leave by crying on her gullible shoulder about how she's afraid of relapsing without Kirsten's support. Special Bonus Villain #3 1/2 is Jimmy "Julie, will you marry me so I can get Caleb's money and pay some shady guys back?" Cooper.
It's morning in the stereotypical Kirsten-less bachelor pad. Seth is shocked to find cereal in the cabinets. Ryan reports that the milk has gone off, meaning that breakfast will have to consist of hummus and sesame beef, which no one wants. Sandy says it's important that they share a meal together, this being a "coming-of-age" moment for the Cohen family -- Ryan and Seth's first day as seniors. Ryan says they're just doing registration today. Do high schools have registration? I don't know; I went to a public school with all the other poor underprivileged people, where we took whatever classes we could get. And we walked fifteen miles to get there in the snow! And we LIKED IT. Sandy says that the Cohen family loves their coming-of-age moments, like Seth's bar mitzvah, which must have been awesome and I am sad that we didn't get a flashback here. They all comment on how Kirsten kept the house really clean with her womanly ways. "She's a woman with many talents," Sandy laments, and Seth and Ryan exchange "uh...TMI" looks. And then the three make plans for their coming-of-age dinner.
The doorbell rings. It's Julie, and Sandy tells her she has a lot of nerve showing up there. She certainly doesn't have balls, as her tight dress makes abundantly clear. Julie apologizes for that whole thing where she was trying to protect her family and reputation at the expense of any and everyone else, and then says that they need to focus on a bigger problem right now: the Harbor PTA has made a petition and "filed a motion" to have Ryan and Marissa expelled from school. Oh, ridiculous. Seth and Ryan walk by them and out the door, neither one having a problem with the fact that the woman who tried to send Ryan to jail forever is hanging out, and then Julie says that she and Sandy need to put their differences aside and work together to keep their kids in school. Until Julie goes behind everyone's back to have her daughter kept in school at Ryan's expense, of course.
Is anyone surprised when we begin the episode with Death Cab for Cutie's new single? I'm happy, though, because I really love this song. Then it got stuck in my head for the rest of the week and I wasn't so thrilled anymore. The gang gathers at the diner, where they order their last pre-registration breakfast. Summer is sad that all these traditions she just made up are coming to an end. Marissa and Ryan say they'd just like to graduate school without any more drama. I think we can safely assume that is not going to happen. Summer would rather focus on talking about stuff that's important to her, like making her senior year totally awesome. This seems to directly contradict Ryan and Marissa's desire for a drama-less year, but everyone agrees with Summer.
Death Cab for Cutie play us into Julie and Sandy at Harbor, waiting to see Dr. Kim. She allows them into her office, where she informs them that over a thousand parents have signed the "Expel the Attempted Rape Victim and Her Attempted Murder Victim Boyfriend" petition. Sandy begs Dr. Kim not to expel anyone. Julie says that her daughter wears Chanel. There is a reason why Sandy is a lawyer and Julie is not. Dr. Kim says this isn't up to her -- the board has brought in a "specialist" to deal with the matter: a Dean of Discipline, who is currently waiting outside to hear his name so that he can breeze in and introduce himself. Dean Hess has spoken to the "arresting officers" (arresting who, exactly? Ryan, who was released as soon as it was discovered that Trey lied?) and read Ryan and Marissa's files, so he knows what he's dealing with. I can't even get my local police station to answer their phone when I'm trying to call about a possible fight outside my apartment, so I'd like to know how Dean Hess got their attention for his silly little private-school investigation. Maybe he flashed the Dean of Discipline badge he had made up. Sandy recommends talking to the kids before Hess makes any decisions about their future, adding that Ryan and Marissa won't have a shot at going to college (probably not a selective one, anyway) if they get expelled. The Dean of Discipline doesn't care.
Jimmy meets a shady character at a bar. Jimmy's visibly nervous, and promises that he'll have "the money" soon. The shady guy says that he's been waiting for two months for the money as it is, and that he's getting really sick of waiting. Jimmy assures him that the money is coming. Oh, Jimmy, you unreformed sleazeball.
Summer is wearing some ugly-ass boots as she and Marissa talk about the upcoming year for the Social Committee. Summer doesn't want any part of it, despite Marissa's urgings, and then they watch as new character Taylor Townsend announces to the group that she has some great ideas for this season's edition of the Kickoff Carnival, since she spent her summer thinking of them instead of, oh say, worrying about the pending criminal charges against her. Summer busts in and tells Taylor to step down from Social Committee Chair Marissa's podium. Taylor insincerely apologizes, saying she figured Marissa wouldn't be chairing anything after the summer she had. She volunteers to step in if Marissa needs help, since she's been doing Marissa's job for the past year anyway. Ha! Summer sassily bobs her head as she orders Taylor to take those files and papers off the podium when she leaves. Taylor and Summer exchange narrowed eyes as Marissa watches and wonders when, exactly, she lost the ability to speak for herself. (The answer is the pilot episode, by the way.) Taylor leaves, and Summer mutters, "That bitch is goin' DOWN!" It's fun to play ghetto when you're a rich white girl!
Fortunately, the school day only lasted long enough to introduce two new characters, as Ryan "Chair of the Anti-Social Committee" Atwood and Seth "Chair of the Seth Cohen Rocks Committee" Cohen are now back home, where Ryan is ridding the fridge of spoiled food while Seth is putting the finishing touches on the "Seth Cohen Starter Pack -- Rehab Edition" for Kirsten, which contains books by Chuck Klosterman, Craig Thompson, and Motley Crüe's autobiography, because when it comes to getting over your addiction to alcohol, nothing helps like a book with a huge bottle of Jack Daniels-y looking liquor on the cover. ["I'm just glad Seth decided to leave out Augusten Burroughs, because that dude is a heeeee-yack." -- Wing Chun] Ryan takes one of the two half-full garbage bags off the kitchen table and they leave the room, Seth glancing at the other garbage bag and then choosing to pretend it doesn't exist. As soon as Ryan realizes that Seth has no intention of helping him out here, he goes back and takes the other bag. It's a nice touch, although it makes Seth looks like a total asshole. As they go to the garbage bins outside, Seth asks Ryan how his and Marissa's relationship is faring after the summer's complications. Ryan says that they've mutually agreed just to put all that behind them. Seth urges him to talk to Marissa about it, even though he and Summer were all about not letting them do that last week.
Kirsten stares at her half-full suitcase. 7 'n 7 walks in and says that she, too, is leaving SURIAK soon. Kirsten says she's really looking forward to seeing her family again, and 7 'n 7 takes an uninvited seat on Kirsten's bed and says she knows that Kirsten is nervous about going home. She tells a helpful little story about how the last time she went home after rehab, she immediately relapsed. Sounds like someone forgot to throw out that vanilla extract! So, 7 'n 7 says, this time she's going to spend some time at her father's cottage between rehab and home to get adjusted. Kirsten says that makes sense. "There's a lot of extra room -- IN BED!" 7 'n 7 says. She didn't say that "in bed" part, obviously, but I'm starting to find that 7 'n 7's lines, like fortune cookies fortunes, are more fun to hear when you add that at the end. 7 'n 7 tells Kirsten to "think about" her offer, and leaves. Kirsten makes her thinking face.
Julie meets Jimmy for some fine dining. He's obviously been there for a while: he's deep into what I'm guessing isn't his first glass of wine. They talk about Marissa for three seconds, and then Julie's gigantic martini is delivered to her table. It's good to see that the props from Absolutely Fabulous aren't going to waste. The bill arrives (I guess their dinner is purely a liquid one), and Jimmy stammers that he left his wallet in the car, like, I know you've been drinking all day, Jimmy, but you really should have been able to think of a better excuse than that. Like what I do when I go out to eat with friends, which is say I don't have the cash but I do have a credit card if everyone wants to give me the cash and I'll charge the whole thing, counting on that being more trouble than it's worth and that someone will put up the cash for me with my promise to pay them back. With that said, I really, really hope no one I've had dinner with in the last five months is reading this. They put the drinks on Caleb's tab, which they've apparently been doing all summer, and then Julie's cell phone rings.
Over at the Cohen residence, with its extremely fake sunset over the fake ocean backdrop, Sandy has also gotten a call. As Ryan sets the table outside, Sandy asks his caller if there's anything he can do to reverse the decision. Apparently, there is an "opportunity for appeal." Sandy says that they're making a huge mistake.
Outside, Ryan asks Chef Seth if their steaks are done yet. "Grilling is an art form. It can't be rushed," Seth calls back to this show's better times as someone desperately hopes to recapture the magic. Sandy comes out, all hunched over in his Bad News walk, and informs the boys about the latest plot development. Harbor doesn't want Ryan and Marissa to come back. Ryan immediately assumes that this story's going to end with his expulsion, but Sandy, sounding as surprised as anyone, says that Ryan is still a student there. Marissa, however, isn't. Hee hee hee.
Because they apparently don't allow kids to visit rehab, Sandy has to bring Kirsten the Seth Cohen Starter Pack - Rehab Edition on his latest visit. Kirsten looks it over, and Sandy comments that Seth has a strange idea of "self-help." I think that's because, when it comes to "self" and "help," Seth's interest in the former widely beats out his interest in the latter. Kirsten claims to miss her sons (and yes, I think a tiny piece of my icy heart melts every time Sandy and Kirsten refer to Ryan as their son), and Sandy says that everyone misses her. His observant lawyer eyes notice the large suitcase by Kirsten's bed, and he's hoping that means she'll be coming home with him. Kirsten says that while she is leaving SURIAK, it's not to come home -- she's going to a cabin with a "friend." 7 'n 7 has "a lot of experience with these things -- IN BED," Kirsten explains. Sandy's understandably hurt. Kirsten says that she's terrified of relapsing, and that she doesn't want to come home unless she's sure she'll be staying there. She might not want to leave rehab at all, then. She's got to be better off there than alone with a woman she barely knows who has a history of relapsing as soon as she leaves rehab, I'd think. Sandy asks when Kirsten will be ready to come home. Kirsten doesn't know, but I'm guessing it's however many episode Jeri Ryan is signed to appear in.
Marissa "Still Chair of the Chair-Throwing Committee" Cooper lies in bed and stares at her Care Bear, as she is wont to do, contemplating how its stitched-on facial expression shows more emotion than her own. The gang enters, bearing smiles and, more importantly, breakfast, and say they're her support group, and that they are getting her back in school. Speaking of which, shouldn't the three of them be there right about now?
Jimmy the Quitter tells Julie that he's found a list of good schools for Marissa in the area. Personally, I think it would work out best for everyone if they just sent her away somewhere, never to be seen again, like they did with their other daughter. Julie says that the list is unnecessary: she's planning just to give Harbor a lot of money to buy Marissa back in. Won't she have to pay off every single parent who signed the petition as well? They're the reason the school wanted to expel Marissa in the first place. Jimmy doesn't think this will work, especially since they don't even have money to pay for giant martinis, let alone for the new pool and adjoining cabanas Marissa's unexpulsion will require. Plus, Jimmy was hoping to use Caleb's money, whenever they actually get it, for his own self. "This is our daughter we're talking about," Julie remembers, and Jimmy remembers it too and is all about giving up the money for her until Julie tells him to give the school his own money to tide them over until Caleb's money comes through. Jimmy ridiculously hopes against hope that they'll only need a few thousand dollars. Julie says it's more like a few hundred thousand.
Taylor assumes the podium at the Social Committee meeting, absolutely thrilled that it's finally hers now that Marissa is gone, gone, gone! She asks the committee to observe a hilarious moment of silence for Marissa, which they all do with the fake solemnity it requires. "That felt really good," Taylor says. Oh, Taylor, you hilarious vixen! Summer walks up and tells Taylor to hold her horses with the Social Committee Chair-assuming, since Summer would like to "try out" for the position herself. Taylor laughs at this and points out that Summer doesn't have experience planning carnivals or with any extracurricular activities at all (shopping doesn't count, nor, apparently, do comic books), and Summer protests that Taylor isn't exactly qualified, either. This gives Taylor the perfect opportunity to explain that, yes, actually, she does, having been the person actually running the Social Committee while figurehead leader Marissa was off skipping school and flirting with lesbianism. Taylor gets increasingly agitated, and asks Summer if she has any idea what it's like to have "all of the responsibility and none of the power." And so Taylor's reign as Social Committee Chair shall be known as the era of Taylor the Terrible.
7 'n 7 pulls up to her father's "cabin," which Kirsten pronounces "charming," and which is bigger than the house I grew up in, as well as all the houses on that block combined. Of course, it's still just a wee fraction of the size of the palatial SURIAK, which is why I still don't understand why anyone would voluntarily leave it. The ladies enter the mansion-cabin, and 7 'n 7 gives Kirsten a quick tour of the place. Kirsten says that it's a beautiful home, but she looks sad. 7 'n 7 asks if she's thinking about Sandy. Kirsten says she let him down. 7 'n 7 says Kirsten should invite him over for dinner, then. She'd love to meet the so-called "perfect husband." Way to invite yourself to a romantic dinner shared by a couple who haven't seen very much of each other in the last few months, there, 7.
Ryan finally arrives at school, where he asks Dr. Kim how he can change Marissa's situation. Dr. Kim says that the board reached its decision, and that it's a "fair" one (um...how, exactly?). Ryan says that there must be someone he can talk to, something he can do to change things. Dr. Kim says that it's out of her hands; Ryan will have to talk to the Dean of Discipline, who apparently functions under his own sphere of power that the Dean of the Entire School has not control over. Ryan asks to speak to him, then, and Dr. Kim doesn't seem particularly excited about the idea. "Please," Ryan asks, making sad puppy-dog eyes. No woman can resist!
Summer is sulking in bed about the bummer of a senior year she's about to have when Seth comes over. She tells him about Taylor's "feeding on" Marissa's "remains," which is a meal of approximately negative six calories, and says she wants to be the Social Chair to try to keep Marissa's legacy alive. Seth encourages her to do that, then. Summer says she doesn't have a chance against Harbor's Karl Rove. Seth is impressed that Summer knows who Karl Rove even is, and Summer says she picks up pieces here and there when her stepmother falls asleep in front of CNN. Good thing Stepmommy doesn't watch FoxNews, or god knows what opinions Summer would have subconsciously absorbed. Seth tells Summer that she can beat Taylor if she combines her inner rage with Marissa's Social Chair know-how.
Jimmy and the shady character meet again at the yacht club, where Jimmy promises again that he'll have the guy's money. Something new has been added to the mix now, though: Jimmy needs another loan of a hundred thousand dollars. The shady guy doesn't know whether he should just shoot Jimmy right there or marvel at the size of his balls to ask that. Jimmy says he needs the loan to get the money he owes: "I got a plan."
Ryan and Marissa enter the office of Dean Evil, who welcomes "Harbor's Most Notorious Couple." They take that in stride and say they just want a chance to tell him their side of the story. Dean Evil says he doesn't really need to hear anything from Ryan, since Ryan wasn't expelled, despite Dean Evil's best efforts. So they'll be focusing on Marissa today. Dean Evil asks Marissa why he's wrong about her, and Marissa replies that she's never been involved in "anything like this" before. This gives Dean Evil the perfect opportunity to tell her that she's totally wrong. You see, he moved to Newport from the vague, yet still inherently evil "East Coast" a few weeks ago, but he's already figured out that Newport loves to gossip, and that its favorite topic of conversation is Marissa. Wow, really? People must be collapsing into boredom-induced comas all over town, then. So Dean Evil knows all about Marissa's record of shoplifting, alcoholism, and ODing. Ryan protests that those things have nothing to do with what happened with Trey, and Marissa agrees that what's in her past is in her past and it's true, but, she slurs: "I mean, the shooting was different." Dean Evil says it's never different, and that he doesn't hear a "hint of remorse" in Marissa's voice about shooting another "kid." It seems that Dean Evil's little gossip fountain didn't watch the pilot, where it was established that Trey was "over eighteen." Marissa thinks for a second, and then says she doesn't have any remorse, which is a little different from what we saw in the last episode, when she said she couldn't sleep at night from the guilt. This week, though, Marissa is proud of what she did and would do it again if she had the chance. Ryan doesn't look particularly thrilled with that response, both because it pretty much puts Marissa's chances of getting back into Harbor at negative twelve, and because she's talking about his brother. Marissa tells Dean Evil to share that gossip tidbit with his Newport friends, and leaves. Ryan follows, but not before Dean Evil tells him to pass along the message that Marissa is never setting foot in Harbor again.
The PSA about Grandma having dinner by herself because her grandkid was too stoned to remember dinner plans manages to be both hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time.
Post-commercial, Seth is back to playing violent videogames. Summer busies herself looking over a book of fire codes in the hopes of finding something Taylor's Kickoff Carnival is in violation of. Seth reminds Summer that Taylor knows rules better than anyone, and suggests focusing her efforts on something that Summer is good at and Taylor is not. I'm thinking that's a pretty short list. Ryan walks by, ignoring Seth's offer to join him in a shoot-out. At Summer's urging, Seth reluctantly steps out of Sethworld for a second and goes to talk to Ryan. Ryan says he wants to kick Dean Evil's ass. Seth tells him to look on the bright side: Marissa might not be back in school, but at least she's not in jail. Well, now Ryan probably has two names on his ass-kicking list. Come on, Seth.
Jimmy hands Julie a check for a hundred thousand dollars, but Julie says it's too late for that. After Marissa's conversation with the Dean yesterday, she doubts any amount of money will get her back in Harbor. Jimmy is so relieved that he's not out more money to the shady guy that he starts kissing Julie's neck, but then she takes the check for herself to pay Caleb's staff, who haven't been paid since Caleb died, but are still continuing to work there, probably because they can't afford the bus fare to get home.
Sadly, we do not cut to a scene of the late Caleb's staff planning a violent revolution against Queen Julie, but to Taylor convening the latest Social Committee meeting, which Summer and Seth are late showing up for, which makes for a really good impression. Summer says that they had some ideas for tonight's carnival, like a "chocolate fountain." In fact, they already rented one out. The group oohs and aahs, but Taylor isn't thrilled. Summer adds that she was also thinking they could serve mini versions of food, because that's hot right now, as the Social Committee extras overact being all impressed about that, too. Seth also thinks they should cancel Shenanigans' annual performance, since the group hasn't been funny since Tina Woo graduated. But how has the a capella group fared? Fabulous callback, by the way, even if it is really mean of Seth to just cancel a comedy group's show like that. They've probably been waiting all year for this! Summer says she was hoping they could raffle off a hybrid car instead of a gas-guzzling SUV. Hear that, Ryan? Give up your Land Rover and start riding your little bike again! "Air quality is so important," says Extra #1. "I know -- we breathe it!" says Extra #2. I officially love the Social Committee. I want them in every scene, overacting and muttering stupid things to each other as they stand in the background. Taylor looks like she wants to cry, and I feel sorry for her even though we're supposed to be thrilled to see her get her not-at-all-deserved comeuppance. Summer asks for a vote, by applause, of who likes her carnival better than Taylor's, and the group cheers for Summer and her mini dim sum. Summer shoots Taylor a fake "I'm sorry" face.
Sandy pulls up to the cabin, where 7 'n 7 greets him with a her now-trademark Glare of Nebulous Intentions. She introduces herself and says that Kirsten is in the kitchen learning how to cook. Sandy says he'd rather have Kirsten in his kitchen, ifyouknowwhatImean. 7 'n 7 says that she -- the self-appointed expert on all things rehab and pressure to be the perfect daughter, wife, and mother -- knows that Kirsten needs some time before she's ready to go home. "She may never come home," Sandy says. That's a lot of time. Then Kirsten runs out, saying she's really happy to see him, and they make out while 7 'n 7 watches.
Ryan comes over to invite Marissa to the carnival. She says it will be too depressing, since she doesn't go to Harbor anymore and she heard talk of a chocolate fountain. Ryan says that they can still get Marissa re-admitted to Harbor, but Marissa doesn't want to fight anymore. "Maybe you've done enough," she tells him. He asks her what she's talking about, because it's not Harbor. Marissa says she doesn't need Ryan to protect her -- not now, and not "then." Ryan asks her if she's implying that this whole thing is Ryan's fault, when it's actually hers for getting in the middle of his and Trey's method of resolving family conflict. Marissa asks if she was just supposed to watch Ryan die, and she definitely has a point there, and adds that she has no problem facing the consequences of what she did. Whaaaa? Who is this new character, who takes responsibility for her actions? I could like her, that's for sure. Let's see if it lasts. Ryan says he has to face consequences, too. Marissa says she knows it's her fault that Trey is gone, and Ryan says that's not what he means. Except that it probably was. He leaves Marissa to well with tears.
Carnival! Some girl is thrilled to win her hybrid car, and the Social Committee members feed Summer praise on her totally awesome carnival, and for "taking down" Taylor. But Summer is sad, because Marissa isn't here. Seth tells her to enjoy the carnival she worked so hard for. Although, technically, she didn't work hard for the carnival; she worked hard to take it away from someone whom it was really important to.
Ryan's dipping his feet in the pool when Sandy comes back from seeing Kirsten. Sandy sympathizes with Ryan's "universal male desire" to make things right for his lady friend, and recommends going back and listening to Marissa, and possibly also telling her Care Bear how he really feels.
Jimmy and Julie enjoy expensive champagne at the Yacht Club. Julie asks Jimmy what this is all about; she thought they were spending the night eating Taco Bell and watching Dancing With the Stars. Um, Julie, don't you mean So You Think You Can Dance? And I don't think I've met anyone over the age of thirty whose stomach could digest a burrito supreme. It's like the minute you graduate college, your body stops producing the Taco Bellase enzyme. Jimmy says he is never leaving his family again, and he never wants to lose Julie again. And he has a diamond ring to prove it. It's Julie's old ring, actually, which Julie takes as a romantic gesture but is probably more of an "I can't afford another ring" one. Out of order, Julie puts the ring on, and Jimmy asks her to marry him. Julie agrees. Their happiness is doomed.
Oh, I see a lifeguard shack! That means it's my time to fall asleep. Oh, hold on -- Ryan has a new leather jacket. I shall stay awake for this. He walks up and apologizes to Marissa, who says "I know," as opposed to returning the apology. Goodbye, NewMarissa! You were nice while you lasted. Ryan says he's always been worried that he would screw up everything the Cohens gave him, but this time he screwed things up for Marissa. Marissa says that nothing is screwed up. She may not be going to school with them, but she's still in Newport. Damn.
Seth and Summer get off a ride. Seth says his stomach is "far too Jewish" for spinny rides. And he's only half Jewish! I wonder if full Jews continuously projectile vomit for the duration of the ride. Taylor comes up behind Summer and thanks her for adding all those touches to the carnival, especially since she knows how hard it must be for Summer with Marissa ostracized from the school and all. Summer momentarily wonders why Taylor is talking about ostriches -- did one escape from the petting zoo? -- then tells Taylor she's wrong: Marissa is on her way to the carnival as they speak. Seth says that this is the best carnival ever, and they walk away triumphant. When they get some distance between themselves and Taylor, Seth says he didn't know Marissa was coming. Summer says she didn't know either, so she's surprised to see Ryan and Marissa arriving.
Kirsten walks outside to find 7 'n 7 sobbing. That's probably because she's sitting in the dirt with a silk bathrobe on. Oh, the dry cleaning bills! 7 'n 7 says she has something she needs to tell Kirsten, and she pulls out a bottle of liquor. Kirsten appears to roll her eyes, which I would totally do. Bitch drags me to a cabin in the middle of nowhere and then waves temptation in my face! 7 'n 7 says she hasn't actually had anything to drink yet. But she might, especially when Kirsten leaves the cabin to go home. "What am I gonna do when you're gone? I can't do this without you (in bed)!" says 7 'n 7. Kirsten promises that she won't go anywhere until 7 'n 7 is ready. Uh...well...huh. Good to see that the random chick you met in rehab is more important to you than your husband and sons are. Kirsten holds out a hand, and 7 'n 7 gives her the bottle. Then she wipes her nose and puts her snotty hand in Kirsten's. Ew. "Let's go to bed. You'll feel better in the morning," Kirsten says. "I'll be right behind you (in bed)," says 7 'n 7. Kirsten totally trusts that and leaves 7 'n 7 alone to break out her secret stash of Listerine. Indeed, 7 'n 7 immediately wipes her tears away and whips out a flask. She drinks what I'm going to take a wild guess and assume is not iced tea, and then smiles. You know, I think I might actually like 7 'n 7. I thought Jeri Ryan did a good job in this scene. Fewer Glares of Nebulous Intent and more boozing, please!
The gang rides a ferris wheel. Ryan and Marissa try to enjoy their time together, while Seth whines and moans that he's feeling sick and might barf on them. I think that's less his "Jew stomach" and more his "non-religion-specific desperate need for attention" acting up there. Ryan and Marissa ignore Seth and have approximately three seconds of happiness before the ride abruptly stops. Whoops! Dean Evil and his silly blue sweater vest want Marissa to leave. Taylor's right behind him. "She is Karl Rove!" Summer gasps. Awesome. The EVENT STAFF let Ryan and Marissa off the ride, and Ryan says that Marissa is his guest, and that they're not on school property. Marissa says she'll leave, and then Dean Evil grabs her arm and drags her away. "Ow. Ow," says Marissa. Ryan protests, and Dean Evil tells him to shut up or he'll be expelled. So Ryan hauls off and punches Dean Evil in the face. "That's not good," Seth contributes. Dean Evil stands up, admires the tiny trickle of blood coming out of his nose, and grins that this is his lucky day. The two kids he has a vendetta against for no apparent reason are both getting kicked out now! Dean Evil tells Ryan to scram, and that if he or Marissa ever set foot near the school again, Dean Evil will call the police. An acoustic, hand-clappy version of "California" plays (I guess that's the "shocker ending you won't believe" the commercials for this episode promised -- I had no idea there was a new version, nor did I ever think we needed one!) as Ryan and Marissa leave the carnival. Ryan walks right out, but Marissa lingers a minute to look through the fence at the world she's leaving behind. Then Ryan comes back, throws an arm around her, and walks her away. So much for not protecting her.