Previously on The O.C., Kirsten's father was in real estate development. Luke was "done" with Marissa. Seth thought it'd be easy for Ryan to tell Marissa how he felt; Ryan indirectly did so by making grilled cheese and frolicking with her in the pool. Sandy told Jimmy he could start over with a "new life"; Jimmy's other option was to see Lady Heather and the girls in eight to ten years. Donnie brought a gun to Holly's house, and held it gangsta-style. He wanted to know, "Who's the bitch?" Then, Luke got shot and Ryan attended to him.
Quirky music. We see a car packed with a trunkful of food, which may or may not include at least one box of wine (which must have been Ryan's contribution. Those Chino people and their boxes of wine). The Cohens stare into the trunk, and Sandy asks if they're worried that Kirsten's father won't love them if they don't feed him enough. Kirsten proclaims that, starting now, there will no more digs about her dad. Sandy claims it wasn't a dig, and looks to Seth for backup. Seth agrees, but adds, "When you called him a heartless bastard, that was a dig." In mock outrage, Sandy accuses Seth of selling him out. As Sandy and Kirsten head inside the house carrying heavy bags of food -- where's Rosie when they need her? -- Seth tells Ryan, "They're like puppets, and I'm puppet master." Ryan mutters, "World domination to follow."
Inside The Big House, Kirsten suggests that Sandy and her father make peace this weekend, and Sandy agrees before adding, "Oh no, wait. We can't!" Kirsten asks why, and he responds, "I'm still Jewish!" Hee. He then promises that he's just getting it out of his system. Kirsten changes the subject, wondering aloud what her father's new girlfriend is like. Sandy suggests that she's "very well paid." He congratulates himself: "I'm on fire!" This results in a glare from Kirsten that's a little more "I wish you were literally on fire right now" than Sandy intended. While Kirsten fusses in the refrigerator, Sandy whines that Kirsten is "wired" right now, and tells her, "Seeing your parents should make you feel guilt, not terror." A booming voice announces, "Don't forget, I'm also her boss!" and Kirsten closes the refrigerator door to reveal her father standing behind it. Oops. He heralds, "Speak of the devil, and the devil doth appear," before tossing a cavalier "Shalom, Sandy" his son-in-law's way. The Eyebrows are shocked but not surprised by such a comment. Really, they convey "shocked but not surprised" precisely with one quick movement. Kirsten and her father double kiss on both cheeks, and she asks how long he's been in Newport. He explains that the Learjet got in more quickly than he expected, and that he used his key to get into the house. Sandy asks where the new girlfriend is, and Caleb -- that's Kirsten's dad's name -- says that she's taking a swim. He asks where his grandson is.
The boys are still unloading the car, and Ryan suggests that Seth's grandfather "basically owns Newport." Seth agrees, adding, "And much like yourself, he comes from humble beginnings." Seth thinks they'll probably hit it off, but Ryan points out that he burned down one of Caleb's homes. Seth rebuts that it was an accident, and besides, "he owns, like, a million of them," so it's probably not even on the radar. Ryan doesn't look convinced as Seth assures him not to worry about it -- Caleb lets his mother run the company now; he's got a brand-new girlfriend and he's very mellow.
Caleb bounds outside, embracing Seth and then examining him at arm's length before concluding, "You're still not a football player." Seth responds, "Ah, yes. No, but thank you." Seth introduces Ryan, at whom Caleb snaps, "You're the kid that burned down my house." Ryan slowly walks over and extends his hand; Caleb considers and finally succumbs to the handshake with a little prodding from Seth. Caleb picks up a few grocery bags while insisting that Seth see his pictures from Spain; he makes Seth promise that he'll go to Barcelona while he's still young. Seth agrees, and then Caleb turns back to Ryan and dismissively orders him to bring charcoal bags to the grill. Ryan looks disgruntled.
Snazzy music plays. Ryan throws the charcoal down on the poolside grill, and the camera cuts to show a woman climbing out of the pool. I could use all manner of vocabulary words to describe this woman, but I'll just stick with the one most conveyed by Ryan's facial expression: yowza! Wearing a small turquoise bikini (turquoise blue, that is; the bikini is not made of actual turquoise, because that would be weird -- although, some people might say, kind of hot, too), she plays with her hair, arms raised behind her head, further enhancing what needs no additional enhancing. Ryan stares, and then slowly walks toward her as if mesmerized. She notices him, and extends a casual greeting: her name is Gabrielle, and she's "with Caleb." She bends at the waist to towel off her legs, but more likely to show her breasts from this different and exciting new angle. In the background, the music exclaims, "You're so damn hot!" Seth joins them on the deck, stands right behind Ryan and mumbles, "Oh my God, that could be my grandma." Hee. Gabrielle wraps a towel around herself while grinning downward at her breasts.
Tinkling! California!
Gabrielle floats on a raft, looking bored. Seth and Ryan admire the scenery from the adjoining hot tub, and Seth asks whether it's "twisted to find my potential grandma really hot." Aw -- his hair's all wet and matted down. Ryan responds, "Not when she looks like that." Gabrielle drifts and contemplates her nails. Caleb emerges from the house to announce that the grown-ups are going to drink wine and catch up. Gabrielle makes a half-assed offer to join them, but he tells her to hang out in the pool, get some sun, and "try to stay out of trouble." She asks if she can join the boys in the hot tub, and a "Biggest Geek" contest ensues as Ryan and Seth uncomfortably hurry to say that she can. Seth pats the water for her entry. Hee. She seductively oozes into the tub with them; as she walks past Seth, he does a sneaky double take as her breasts pass by.
Gabrielle plants herself between the boys, fixing her hair and asking what's up. Amazed to be in a hot tub with a hot older woman, Dylan and Brandon stutter, "We were, uh --" "You, we --" "We were talking about the, uh --" "You were telling me -- he was telling me about the...thing." The camera focuses in on Ryan, who has worked himself into such a frenzy that his tongue lolls out of his mouth and he's grimacing while no words come out. Hee for the tongue-lolling. Gabrielle suggests that Caleb's birthday party will be a "who's who of Newport," and concludes, "Should be wild, huh?" The boys stare at Gabrielle in response, and she fesses up that she's being sarcastic. Seth didn't know that girls with breasts had to resort to rhetorical devices. He doesn't come right out and say that, though. Instead he says, "Ah. Yes, we don't get a lot of that around here." Gabrielle asks who they're bringing to the party, and Seth answers, "I would say no one, really." Ryan agrees. She asks if they're kidding, surprised that "two young hot guys like [them]selves" would be dateless. Seth asks if she's still being sarcastic, and she earnestly says that she's not. He tells her about Summer, and Gabrielle asks whether Seth's invited her yet; he says that it's not that simple, but she points out that a girl can't say yes if he doesn't ask her. Yeah, Adam. I can't say yes if you don't ask me! Seth concludes that Gabrielle's "very wise." Gabrielle turns her attention toward Ryan, and Seth joins in to ask about Marissa. Ryan explains that he hasn't talked to her in a while and doesn't think she'll want to go. When Gabrielle asks why not, Ryan backstories that her family is falling apart, and that she's got an on-and-off boyfriend, and that it's "a long story." Five whole episodes' worth! Seth interjects that Marissa and Luke have been going out since fifth grade. Gabrielle is incredulous. She announces that Marissa needs to "change it up," because she's "known that boy since he was eating paste." Seth ponders this and responds, "I think he still does." Hee.
Lady Heather's Lair. Marissa folds laundry because the Coopers are indigent and have no one to fold their laundry for them anymore. Luke knocks at her bedroom door, smarming over whether she's "decent." She's surprised to see him, and he explains that he just got his stitches out and wants to celebrate by hitting the beach. I thought Luke liked to celebrate by hitting the...well, Ryan. Marissa asks whether it's too soon; shouldn't he go home and rest? Luke groans that resting is all he's been doing, to which she narrates -- in case we didn't get it -- "Luke. You got shot." He knows, which brings him to his point: he's lucky to have a second chance, and he doesn't want to waste any more time. Marissa asks what he means, and he awkwardly pulls a teddy bear from behind his back, holding it out to her. I think this is supposed to show us that, as old as they act sometimes, they're still kids and think giving someone a teddy bear as a gift is a sweet gesture. But. A teddy bear? Luke can't do better than that? And it's a small teddy bear, too! Luke sits down on the bed, announcing that he's been an idiot and never should have broken up with her in the first place. She was there for him when he was in the hospital, and now with everything going on with her dad, he wants to be there for her, too. He oozes toward her on the bed, getting closer, as she mulls it over. "Mull[ing] it over," for Mischa Barton, involves a lot of hair-tugging. Luke insists that it's been so crazy lately; he wishes they could "be together...like it was." As Marissa expresses uncertainty, Luke gets closer and closer until their faces are about three centimeters apart. Finally, Luke gets the point and backs off, saying they don't have to...they can take it slow. He proposes that they hang out at her house today -- sit by the pool, watch a movie, whatever she wants. He reclines on her bed with his hands knotted behind his head, all, "Come and get it." He's wriggling his hips back and forth in a disconcerting way in this scene. At first, it's because he's settling into the bed, but then the hips keep right on wriggling. Hence, the "disconcerting way." Marissa agrees, but she looks unsure.
At The Big House, Kirsten stares out the kitchen window at Gabrielle, Seth, and Ryan. Kirsten says, "Gabrielle, she seems -- Her voice trails off for Caleb to matter-of-factly announce, "She's twenty-four." A stunned Sandy says, "Oh, she seems so...mature for her age!" He and Kirsten share an amused glance. Well, technically, Sandy is amused, while Kirsten is...not so much. Caleb hopes that the "birthday festivities" will be small, and Kirsten responds that it depends what he means by "small." Caleb specifies that it should be "just the family: four of us, Gabrielle." Kirsten says, "Right. The four of us, Gabrielle, Ryan, and a hundred and fifty of your closest friends." Sandy jumps in to say that Kirsten's been working overtime on the party -- menus, invitations, etc. on top of all her work. Caleb asks whether it's too much, and Kirsten hurriedly claims that work is great and that they're back on track with the new development. Caleb grumps over Ryan's having burned it to the ground, and Kirsten responds that they've had a few setbacks, but the accident insurance more than covered the damages. Caleb then points out that he heard Kirsten commissioned an architect he never approved to do the redesign, and Kirsten smoothly counters, "I commissioned a design, but I would never build without consulting you." Caleb claims that Kirsten doesn't need his approval and adds, "After all, you adopted the boy without consulting me." D'oh! The Eyebrows and Kirsten exchange a flummoxed glance (the eyebrows do an impressive "flummoxed"), as Kristen explains that she would have called Caleb, but that there wasn't enough time. Caleb gets it -- he's pushing her too hard, and things are slipping through the cracks, which is why he's decided to "scale back [her] responsibilities." Kirsten translates, "You're demoting me?" Caleb explains that he wants to get more involved in the business, which will give her more time to spend with her "new family -- [her] new...son." Kirsten is dismayed, but Caleb's already on to another subject. He gleefully announces, "Now, then. Tell me all about Jimmy Cooper. Sonofabitch lost $4 million dollars? Huh!"
Speaking of Jimmy Cooper, we return to Lady Heather's Lair, where he sits in his study working furiously on his computer. He's making bar charts, by the way. I'm more of a pie-chart kind of girl. Lady Heather enters, snarking that she's just returned from the stables, where she brought Caitlyn to say goodbye to China. Lady Heather lays Caitlyn's hat and riding crop on Jimmy's desk and snits, "I guess she won't be needing these anymore." Lady Heather laments that China was Caitlyn's best friend, but Jimmy's all, "China's a horse." Lady Heather snaps, "Maybe to you." Jimmy wants off the guilt trip, and explains that he doesn't feel good about this; Lady Heather snits that he shouldn't. He exasperatedly asks what she wants from him, obviously not anticipating her response: "I think I want a divorce." He is stunned silent as she walks to the door, turning back to say, "I'm sorry, honey. I just don't see any other way." We cut to Jimmy's computer screen, which displays "James Cooper Investment Portfolio" and "Profit Margin Analysis." The bars, obviously, decrease.
Ding dong. Still Lady Heather's Lair. Marissa opens the door, happy and surprised to see Ryan. He explains that he was on his way to work and thought they hadn't talked in a while; she says she was going to call him. Small talk complete, he gets to the point: Caleb's party. He starts to explain, but is interrupted by Luke, who runs up behind Marissa and is actually almost smiling at Ryan. Ryan's eyes flicker from Luke to Marissa to Luke and back to Marissa. The boys exchange greetings, and Luke -- who manages to seem both slick and earnest at the same time -- thanks Ryan for taking him to the hospital and giving Marissa a call. With this, he puts a possessive arm around a particularly stiff-looking Marissa. The "particularly" in the sentence is necessitated by the fact that Marissa is always stiff; there are just varying degrees to her stiffness. Luke asks whether Marissa has aspirin, because his arm is killing him "from the stitches." She advises him to look in her parents' bathroom and he agreeably leaves. (The non-bullet-riddled Luke would never have willingly left Ryan and Marissa together.) Luke turns back to extend both index fingers Ryan's way while announcing, "Hey! Take it easy, guy." Marissa encourages Ryan to continue what he was saying but, confused by Luke's presence, he only says, "I was gonna see if you wanted...to...I was gonna see how you're doing." Without giving her a chance to answer, Ryan concludes that she seems to be doing well, and says he has to get to work.
Gabrielle enters The Only Restaurant in Orange County. sidling up to the bar where Ryan is bussing dishes. They "hey" each other (drink!). She explains that Seth and Caleb are sailing and that she's "never seen two people more excited about boats." Ryan doesn't answer, so she reveals that Seth told her about Ryan's job, and says she "could use a cocktail." Ryan can't serve her, though, and she's all, "Right. You're not legal." She then asks for a cranberry juice, as opposed to asking for a waiter who actually can serve her booze. And if there were still any question of Gabrielle's intentions toward Ryan, I think that just answered them. He serves up the juice, and she busts a bottle of vodka from her purse, claiming that it's left over from the flight, and that she hates flying. When Ryan admits that he's never been on a plane, she unloads that her first time was at fifteen, when her mother sent her to Japan alone to do some modeling. She snits that it was easier for her mother to send her away and live off her modeling proceeds than it would have been for her mother to get a job. Ryan says he can relate; Gabrielle's heard. Ryan's hair is suddenly very long in this scene. I like it tousled, and the show is clearly saving money on the hairstyling budget, so it works all around. Ryan asks how the "modeling thing" turned out, and Gabrielle explains that "things can get a little insane" when you're living in a houseful of other girls with no parents around. She claims that she got clean at twenty-two -- "retirement age." I wouldn't exactly say that's true, and neither would Christy Turlington, Tyra Banks, Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Kate Moss, Amber Valetta, Naomi Campbell, Stephanie Seymour, Trish Goff, and about a thousand other working, "older" supermodels. Not to mention that the "got clean" part is questionable, considering Gabrielle's toting miniature vodka bottles around in her purse. There's a pause in the conversation, and then Gabrielle proposes that Ryan must think her relationship with Caleb is weird. Ryan flatly responds, "I live in a pool house." Gabrielle clears her throat, asking how it worked out with the girl. Groaning, Ryan shakes his head. Gabrielle's all, "Paste eater?" and Ryan responds, "They have a past." A woman at a table in The Only Restaurant in Orange County raises her glass in the air and rattles the ice around for Ryan's attention. Do people really do that? Ryan heads off to refresh the customer's drink, and Gabrielle contemplates the situation.
At The Big House, Kirsten slams the tea kettle down on the stove. Seeing that she's upset, Sandy implores, "Aw, Kirsten. Come on, honey. You could not have done more or done better." He walks up behind her, as she says she doesn't understand -- she's worked so hard for her father! Sandy calls Caleb a "bottomless pit of need." If Kirsten thinks she can fill that pit, she can't. Sandy spins Kirsten around to face him, telling her that she's amazing, and that if Caleb can't appreciate her, she should quit! Kirsten complains that Sandy has never supported her working for Caleb, and never liked him. Sandy admits that she's right, he hasn't: "Not since our wedding day, when I watched you walk yourself down the aisle." Aw. Poor Kirsten. She defensively says that Caleb was stuck in Singapore during a monsoon, but Sandy points out that they'd already changed the date three times because of Caleb's schedule, and that he always makes the world -- and Kirsten -- revolve around him. Kirsten insists that Caleb's her father, and Sandy rebuts that he's ruining her life, and she should quit. Kirsten can't, and looks sadly at Sandy, who looks down.
Back at The Only Restaurant in Orange County, Gabrielle sits at the bar, sharing a plate of food with Ryan. Can he possibly be allowed to eat at the bar? Whatever they're eating involves a whole lot of lemons, by the way. Gabrielle confirms that Ryan's living in the pool house, and asks what's for him. He doesn't respond, instead countering with what's for her -- London, Paris in the fall? And for a po' boy, he knows the fashion shows. Gabrielle goofily responds, "Perhaps?" just as Marissa enters. Marissa and Ryan exchange glances, and he goes over to her. They "hey." Marissa asks whether Ryan's got a minute, and aside from eating on the job, he's also allowed to leave the premises at will. They walk out onto the deck, and he asks what's up. She explains that she wanted to talk to him before but.... Her voice trails off, and Ryan concludes, "Luke was there." She pauses before explaining that Luke wants to get back together; Ryan asks what she told him, and she reveals that she said she needed to think about it. There's a pause and she implores, "I don't know what I should do!" Ryan looks at her, raises his eyebrows, and says he doesn't know either, but if she came here for him to help her choose.... Marissa's all "of course not!" and Ryan's all "good!" He cuts short any further discussion: "Why don't you just let me know when you've made up your mind, okay?" Marissa's eyes register dismay and disbelief; she recovers and smiles her "okay." Ryan unhappily watches her go. There's a whole lot of happy and unhappy watching of the coming and the going of people on this show.
Beach. Shots of girls in bikinis bring us to another song about California. There's a brief shot of Seth and Ryan skateboarding and biking down the pier. Marissa and Summer stand in line at a food stand, and Marissa whines that she just wanted Ryan to say something -- anything! Summer points out that Marissa can't expect him to choose, because "he comes from a place where they have, like, knife fights and drag racing and, like, sex on the hood of a car." Hee. Marissa outs that Summer's explanation of Chino is from The Fast and the Furious, and Summer argues that it's "based on a true story." Marissa insists that it's not, to which Summer snips, "Whatev. All I'm saying is you have to do the choosing, not him or Luke." Marissa makes a face.
Ooh, more skateboarding! Ryan bikes while Seth sits on his skateboard, zigzagging along the pier while making a whistling face. He notices the girls up ahead and jumps to his feet, quickly picking up his skateboard. He gestures toward them and announces, "It's fate. It's destiny. Look! We both like burritos!" Ryan asks if Seth wants to eat elsewhere, but Seth is preoccupied, pawing at his head and asking, "Who's winning right now? Me or my hair?" Ryan appraises the hair situation as Seth points to different places on his head for inspection.
The girls now have their food and take seats at an outside table. Summer -- who appears to be wearing a terry-cloth maternity dress -- announces that she'll get them their salsa. As she turns to go, Seth is right behind her with his usual introduction: "Hi, Summer. Seth Cohen." She pauses, smiles, and asks if he can give her a hand. Confused but happy, he follows. Meanwhile, Ryan stares down Marissa, who stares him down back. He finally sits down, earnestly saying that he knows she has to figure some stuff out, but in the meantime, there's a party for Seth's grandfather. She cuts him off to say that she knows and she's going; Luke asked her this morning. He recovers and leaves, saying he'll see, "[Marissa]....and Luke" tomorrow, then.
At the salsa bar, Seth nervously call out all the varieties: "Salsa verde, aggressive. Pico de gallo, that's a classic. Holy jalapeño, somebody came to play!" Hee. Summer, meanwhile, is having a crisis -- she's spilled a miniscule amount of salsa on her pinky finger. She snits over the absence of napkins, then thrusts her pinky in Seth's face, all, "Lick it!" He asks, "What?" and she explains that she just got her nails done, and the salsa will ruin the polish. He's all, "You lick it," but she waggles her finger around and whines that she doesn't like picante -- it's for Marissa. He considers the proposition, grinning, and then quickly mouths her finger, concluding, "Mmm." She thanks him as he insists, "It's good!" Sticking her chest out she says, "Now. Aren't you gonna invite me to your grandpa's party?" He asks her to repeat the question, and she slow-talks that his grandfather is having an awesome party at Seth's house, and she thought they were friends. He asks whether she wants him to ask her because she wants to go with him, or just because she wants to go. She cocks her head to the side and looks at him plaintively. He concludes, "Fair enough. I'll see you at 8."
The Big House. Kirsten wears a fetching satin robe and lays clothes out on the bed. This is the first we've seen of Sandy and Kirsten's bedroom, and it's lovely -- an unusual blue color with white furniture and gilded accessories. A disheveled Sandy rushes in, miles ahead of himself. He takes Kirsten's face in his hands, kissing her hello. She asks how his day in court was, and he explains that he was distracted all day -- he couldn't help thinking that if she quit her job, does she know what they could do? Kirsten responds that she's not quitting, but Sandy wants to be heard out -- he announces that they could find whoever's living in their old house in Berkeley and buy it back! (And they'd only have to change the name of the show to The A.C. -- for Alameda County.) He enthuses that Kirsten loved that house! And Seth loved that house! Kirsten points out that the house had bad plumbing and termites, and Sandy argues that it "was a fixer-upper that we never got to fix up!" Kirsten laughs that she knows, and Sandy backstories that they moved to Orange County because her mom got sick, and that they never planned to stay, but if she quits, they can do anything they want -- they can go anywhere! She says, "No, we can't." He asks why not, adding that Seth has been "planning his exodus from this place since he was six," and Ryan wouldn't care. Kirsten could get her little gallery in Sausalito or The Mission that she's always dreamed of -- she could put her Art History degree to use! Kirsten acknowledges that she hasn't thought about the gallery in years. Sandy slowly kisses her, urging that she "think about it...think about it."
At Lady Heather's Lair, Marissa reads a magazine while Summer contemplates clothing options for Caleb's party. She holds up a black strappy top and asks if it's "too slutty to wear to an old guy's birthday party," charitably adding, "I don't want the dude to have a coronary!" Marissa can't believe she's actually going with Seth, and Summer's all, "Aloha! Caleb Nichol is like the Donald Trump of the West!" She asks if Marissa knows how many "hot rich twentysomething banker-brokers are gonna be there? A lot!" And now she has someone to introduce her to them! Marissa asks if it isn't a little mean to Seth, and Summer's all, "To who?" As Marissa stares at her, she laughingly adds, "Kidding!" Marissa giggles, and keeps flipping through her magazine.
Dinner. The Big House. Gabrielle commends Kirsten on the delicious meal, and Kirsten thanks her before adding, "I order from them all the time." Caleb takes this as an admission that Kirsten's overworked and announces, "Less time for work, more time for cooking!" Sandy snits that there's no place Kirsten feels more at home than the kitchen, and Seth, obviously missing the sarcasm -- for someone who dishes it out, he sure can't recognize it -- asks what he's talking about, because Kirsten can't even make cereal. Kirsten's all, "Thanks, Seth," and he's all, "I love you, mom," and she's all, "I love you, too." Aw. Caleb commends Seth on his "quick wit." He then adds, "Amazing you're not better at skirt-chasing." Seth pauses before responding, "Oh. Well. If by 'skirts,' you mean 'girls' -- in your outdated cowboy-speak -- I have a little news for you. Turns out, somebody has a date to your party." Eyebrows around the table join Sandy's in wagging. Seth adds that it's not "a big deal or anything. But if you must know, Summer asked me." The Eyebrows (Sandy's, that is -- they are the only eyebrows deserving of proper noun-ship) are all, "Well, Summer. Wow! Summer's hot!" Seth whines, "You did not just say that," and Sandy jokes, "Say what?" Seth orders him to "just go," and as Sandy heads into the kitchen he turns back to say, "You go." Hee. Gabrielle and Ryan chuckle while witnessing this exchange, and it's clear that they're both outsiders to such family happiness. She asks about Ryan's prospects, and he says again that he's going by himself. She watches him drink lemonade. He watches her drink wine. Seth watches him drink lemonade and her drink wine. A clueless Caleb, meanwhile, upends the bottle of wine and shakes it for the final drops. Who does that? Are they the same people who drink it through a straw?
Sandy joins Kirsten, who is cleaning dishes in the kitchen. He points out that Caleb just polished off his second bottle of merlot and is in good spirits; now would be a good time to talk to him. Now, as opposed to in twenty minutes when he's having his stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning. Two bottles of wine? Kirsten -- who is wearing a shiny, green, military-style camp shirt -- insists that she's not ready to have that conversation. At that moment, Caleb -- in search of grappa -- enters the room and asks, "What conversation?" He snits over whether they're adopting another kid, and Kirsten claims that it's "nothing." Sandy inappropriately interjects to say, "Well, actually, it's something." Kirsten shoots Sandy a dirty look as Caleb says he didn't know his daughter needed someone to speak for her. Sandy argues that maybe he's never really gotten to know his daughter, because if he did, he'd know she was the best thing that ever happened to the company; he'd promote her, not demote her to the point where she wants to quit! Kirsten shrieks, "Sandy!" before Caleb asks if that's true. When she exclaims that it's not, Sandy tries to jolly her into agreeing with him. Outraged, she tells him that they were "just talking." Talking, Sandy insists, about selling the house and moving back to Berkeley as they had always planned to do. Kirsten is grimly silent as Caleb proposes that they can't be serious. Seth enters the room behind Caleb who, at that moment, accuses, "You're still smoking the weed, aren't you?" Seth's all, "Dad, you smoked weed?" Kirsten orders Seth out of the kitchen because it's a private conversation. As Seth heads back into the dining room, we hear him excitedly say, "Ryan, guess who's a stoner?" Hee. When Sandy directs Kirsten not to be afraid of her father, Caleb orders Sandy to "keep [his] mouth shut" since "no one here cares what" he thinks. Sandy won't be spoken to that way in his own house, which pushes Caleb to the inevitable: "Whose house is this? Who built it? Who paid for it?" Kirsten tries to calm him down, but Caleb continues, "This is between you and me, Kiki." Aw. "Kiki."
In the dining room, the others listen, and Ryan suggests that they should leave just as Caleb's angry voice bellows, "Adopting juvenile delinquents!" Seth agrees with Ryan, and they exit the dining room. Meanwhile, Kirsten insists that Caleb is making too big a deal out of it, and that it was nothing. Caleb thinks it didn't sound like nothing; he thanks Sandy for letting him know how Kirsten feels: "She would never tell me that. She never tells me anything." He turns to Kirsten and says it's fine if she wants to quit; in fact, he'll expect her resignation in the morning. Kirsten is visibly shocked and upset, as Caleb moves on, all, "Now, then: the grappa."
In the pool house, Seth sits on the floor and reads a magazine. Ryan reads a magazine at the top of the bed while Gabrielle perches at the foot, playing a handheld videogame. It looks swankier than a Game Boy. ["Looked like a Game Boy Advance to me." -- Wing Chun] Seth says he heard Caleb is taking her on the helicopter tour tomorrow; she replies that he wants to show her his "Orange County empire." She concludes that the game "sucks," and hands it back over to Seth, who asks, "Ryan, you've been playing the pirate game? That's a little bit minty." Hee. She asks what else he has, and he leaves to get something else. He's wearing a brown polo shirt, which has something big and ugly on the left side of it. Unless it's a walrus, in which case it's cute. My TV, by the way, sucks. Half the time it's not even in color, so if I can't tell a splotch from a walrus, that's why. On his way out, Seth announces, "Hey! We gotta go searching for my dad's bong later, all right?"
In Seth's absence, Ryan asks whether Caleb always yells like that, and Gabrielle says he does because "he's the boss and every relationship is a business relationship to him." Are we supposed to feel bad for her? Ryan asks, "And yours?" Gabrielle sob-stories that Caleb only ever loved one woman, and that she died years ago. Now he's just "looking to stay entertained." She softly adds, "Aren't we all?" She then slides her hand way up his leg. And I mean way. Way. Ben McKenzie looks very young in this scene; his hair is brushed just so. Gabrielle continues, "I am so bored." As she leans in toward him, he asks, "Do you think?" while staring at her hand. Which, at this point, is the equivalent of saying, "while staring at his own penis." She responds, "Don't think." They kiss. Kissing and more kissing, which is interrupted by Caleb's angry voice coming from The Big House; he calls for Gabrielle, announcing that they're leaving now. Gabrielle slowly pulls away from Ryan, who has been holding her head in both hands during the kissing. Girls like that, by the way. As they separate, his hands remain outstretched in front of him where her head was; one hand slowly closes into a first. She stands, straightens her clothing, and announces, "Back to the office." As we go to commercial, Ryan considers what just happened.
The boys float aimlessly in the very blue pool. The camera, in an aerial view, spirals slowly down and around them. Seth pointedly asks how Gabrielle is, and Ryan says he doesn't know. Seth's all, "Oh, really. Ryan, let me present Exhibit A to you." He doubts that Gabrielle opted to go to The Only Restaurant in Orange County instead of sailing, and Ryan argues that not everyone likes sailing. While Ryan looks uncomfortable, Seth says, "Okay, let's take it to Exhibit B here: intense, some would even say smoldering eye contact at the dining-room table." His voice jumps about three octaves on the "smoldering." Ryan shifts around on his raft as Seth adds that Gabrielle was "mad-dogging" him. Ryan doesn't answer, and so Seth reveals "the clincher": last night in the pool house, Gabrielle sat on Ryan's bed, even though there was an empty chair available. Well, Seth sat on the floor, so what does that say about him? Kirsten appears in the doorway and orders them out of the pool, because the caterers are there, and it's time to get ready. Seth turns back to Ryan, all, "I would like some answers." To Seth's amazement, Ryan fesses up, "Yeah, okay. We hooked up." Seth is shocked, all "What?!" Ryan asks, "Isn't that what you were asking with the whole...Exhibit A?" Seth admits that he noticed some heavy flirting, but can't believe it panned out: "You hooked up with my grandma?" Ryan acts nonchalant, while Seth concludes, "Actually, that's kind of hot. How was it?" Ryan insists that no one can know about it -- certainly not Caleb, and Seth agrees. He then asks again how it was, and Ryan responds, "Good. Weird, but good." Seth, who has been hanging out of his raft in excitement, hurls himself backward before asking about Marissa. Ryan's all, "What about her?" but his guilt is evident despite his cavalier attitude.
Inside the house, the camera focuses on the cutting of a giant rack of lamb. Kirsten wears a red dress, and anxiously approves a bottle of wine as Caleb's favorite and frets over a plate of hors d'oeuvres, which may or may not contain detested cilantro. As she moves on to rearranging the flowers, Sandy walks up behind her, announcing his disbelief that she went through with the party. Kirsten snits that she had no choice, even though Sandy tried to "sabotage" the whole weekend. He apologizes for jumping the gun. The "gun"? How about the whole armory? They answer the door together, and greet Caleb and Gabrielle, the latter of whom utters a Madonna-style "hallo." Caleb wears a jacket, tie, and khaki pants, while we see that Sandy is wearing an untucked and rumpled buttondown shirt. Why not just take it all the way and wear the tuxedo tee? They kiss each other awkwardly and exchange greetings like, "You made it!" and "Nice to see you!" Then Sandy ushers Gabrielle away to ply her with drinks, while Kirsten wishes Caleb a "happy birthday," which he curtly accepts. She wants to talk to him about the other night, but he dismisses the suggestion, quickly telling her to let him know when she plans to give notice so that he can hire her replacement. Isn't that the whole point of giving notice? In essence, he just asked her to give notice of when she's going to give notice. In any case, a partygoer beckons Caleb, who heads off, with a quick "Quite a party." Kirsten is dismayed. Kelly Rowan does "dismay" very well.
Ryan slowly lets himself out on the deck, and turns to find a Cosmo-bearing Gabrielle slinking over to him. He gives her a wide-eyed, frozen look, before saying that she looks "...wow." She pulls a cherry from her drink, and dangles it in front of Ryan's lips. Instead, he grabs it with his hands and eats it. She fiddles with his collar, saying he "clean[s] up good," causing him to ask if she's trying to get caught. She just tells him to find her later, before wriggling off. He aggressively bites the cherry stem.
Enter Lady Heather, Marissa, Summer, and Luke. Marissa is wearing last season's Marc Jacobs, while Summer is wearing something very short. Marissa wishes that Jimmy had come, and Lady Heather snits, "Why? So you could break up another brawl?" Seth -- wearing a blue jacket over a darling red and blue striped polo shirt -- greets Summer, "Ah! You look, ah! Yeah!" For once, he does not introduce himself. Summer smiles at his amazed response. Seth and Marissa hug hello. Aw. He kind of puts his head on her shoulder! Did anyone else see that? He greets Luke awkwardly; Luke extends his hand and says it's good to see Seth. Seth's all, "It is?" Luke commends the surprised Seth on his beautiful home, and then takes Marissa to get a drink. As they leave, Seth says, "Okay, he got shot in the arm, not the head." Summer rushes Seth to "show [her] off."
Ryan looks across the room to see Luke tucking Marissa's hair behind her ear at the bar. Ryan lowers his head, and skulks out onto the porch, past Summer and Seth, who are deeply engaged in a conversation. Actually, only Summer is deeply engaged in a conversation, announcing, "Really! Private equity and portfolio management! Sounds fascinating!" She nods enthusiastically and looks to Seth for confirmation; he's clearly annoyed and shakes his head, all, "What?"
A homeless man has crashed the party, and is stalking through the crowd, looking for someone. Oh, wait. That's just Sandy. He spots Kirsten through a window, sitting alone in the bedroom and drinking a glass of wine. He joins her, announcing that it's a great party and that everybody seems to be having a good time. She responds, "Almost everybody." He rubs her shoulder and wishes he could tell her he's sorry, but that he's not. She says, "Okay. Worst apology ever." He claims she knows he's "no good at those," which really doesn't make it any better. In any case, he claims the important thing is that the subject is out there and that she spoke her mind. Kirsten clarifies that he spoke her mind. But the Eyebrows thought they had an understanding! The Eyebrows thought it was what they both wanted!" Kirsten insists that it is, and then continues, "It was." Sandy knew it -- she's backing down; Caleb's been doing it to her for twenty years! Kirsten claims that her dad isn't the reason the Cohens stayed in Newport; she says, "We are. We chose this." She looks at Sandy sadly and says that if he's telling her, after all this time, that this isn't what he wants, then it's a much bigger conversation.
Lady Heather talks to non-Noopsies, one of whom points out a fiery-eyed Jimmy entering the party. Lady Heather snits over to him, yelling that she told him not to come. He reveals that he has a plan -- a way to make everything go back to the way it was. She's all, "You built a time machine?" Jimmy ignores this, and instead calmly explains that Caleb employs thousands of people, none of whom are more experienced or qualified than he is. He asks, "How big a leap can it be from investing in stocks to investing in real estate?" I get the sense that, when stealing his friends' money, Jimmy asked himself, "How big a leap can it be from their bank account to mine?" Lady Heather can't believe he's seriously considering asking Caleb for a job. Jimmy wants to know why not. Lady Heather argues that the whole community thinks Jimmy's a criminal, and since Caleb owns the community, why would he feel differently? Jimmy insists that Caleb loves him -- he's known him since childhood, taught him to sail, and even tried to convince him to propose to Kirsten in junior high. (Why ever would overprotective Caleb have done that? Junior high?) Lady Heather implores Jimmy not to even think of talking to Caleb, but Jimmy earnestly says that if there's a chance he can save the family, he'll take it. Aw. Poor Jimmy. Lady Heather considers this, and actually looks hopeful. Whether that's because her marriage to Jimmy might be salvageable or because her money might be salvageable, we don't know.
Entering the restroom with Marissa, Summer enthuses that someone named something like "David Manpearl" is at the party. Manpearl? Sounds like a masculine hygiene product. Summer explains that Mr. Manpearl is senior vice-president of the wealth-management division at McKenna. She clarifies, "You know? The venture-capitalist [sic] firm." While Marissa looks clueless, Summer excitedly adds, "He manages wealth. As a job!" Marissa stares at her curiously, and Summer shrugs, "I've been reading Forbes." Summer then narrates that Marissa chose Luke; she adds, "Chino didn't stand a chance." Summer claims that she told Marissa "Luke was the one," and Marissa rebuts, "No, you didn't." Summer's all, "Well, I meant to." Seems to me, though, that Summer has spent her entire existence telling Marissa Luke's the one, so I'm confused. In any case, Summer points out that Luke and Marissa are all over each other; her face then registers understanding as she excitedly asks, "Did you...did it happen?" Marissa denies that "it" did, and Summer announces that Luke's willpower must be amazing -- she can't believe Marissa and Luke haven't had sex yet. (That's in case we couldn't get the whole "it" thing.) Summer enthuses that Luke is beautiful, sweet, and totally crazy about Marissa; what is she waiting for? When Marissa replies that she doesn't know, Summer proposes that she figure it out, because Luke won't wait forever. Summer heads back to the party, while Marissa ponders.
Pool house. Ryan wears headphones when a bare leg appears in the doorway. Said leg belongs to Gabrielle, who creeps into the room, pulling the door shut behind her.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Marissa makes "I'm having an epiphany" faces, which are interchangeable with "I'm having an unusual bowel movement" faces.
Gabrielle presses her back against the door and asks what Ryan is doing. When he says "nothing," she concludes, "Somebody's hiding." She walks toward him, asking if he's bored, and says she is, too. Ryan says, "I've heard." Hee. Gabrielle claims, "[Marissa's] just a girl." Ryan knows that. He rises to his feet and approaches Gabrielle, who asks why he's hiding from her; he insists that he's not, but she doesn't believe him. She softly taps his chest, which results in his flying back onto the bed. And either he just threw himself onto the bed like that (very Brandon; very bad) or she's got Hulk-like strength. As she joins him on the bed and they begin kissing, he asks, "Still bored?" She responds, "Not so much." Kissing lips. Moving hands. Gong-y music plays. Ryan unclasps the neck of Gabrielle's halter dress with finesse. Suddenly, there's a sound at the door, and they turn to see a distraught-looking Marissa standing there, all, "Sorry, I, I -- I thought....Sorry." Ryan looks concerned, and Gabrielle does, too. Which is good, because on a show like , she'd look smug, which I never understood.
Marissa runs through the party, trying not to cry and anxiously looking for Luke. She walks through the kitchen (and past all the kitchen staff) and into the hallway while making a series of bizarre faces. She finds Luke mid-conversation, turns him around, and starts making out with him. She announces, "Let's go," and he's all, "Okay, now? Okay." Meanwhile, Ryan chases after Marissa through the party, making less hysterical faces. Luke and Marissa get in the car, and Luke proposes that they could go to his place because his parents went to Palm Springs. She agrees, but it's obvious that she doesn't really care. Ryan emerges from the house in time to see the car pulling out of the driveway.
Inside, we join Summer and Seth, the latter of whom has his head thrown back in a magnificent demonstration of boredom and disgust while Summer's all, "Pharmaceuticals? Isn't that the largest [sic] growing industry in North America?" Not for Greg Fisher. Caleb and Jimmy pass behind them; it looks like they're walking together, but on closer viewing, it's clear that Jimmy is following Caleb. Lady Heather -- who lies in wait against the wall in the back of the room -- quickly follows them. We join their conversation, as Caleb asks if Jimmy remembers the old days; Jimmy does, and says it was great to see Caleb. As Caleb hurries away, Jimmy circles in frustration, a vein in his cheek pulsing in an unappealing way. Lady Heather moves in to congratulate Jimmy: it looks like he got the job! Jimmy responds that Caleb couldn't have been nicer "when he said there was no way he could hire me." Lady Heather's happiness sours as she says she hates to say she told him so; Jimmy points out that she doesn't hate it at all. Lady Heather turns to leave, and Jimmy asks where she's going. She ominously responds, "To finish what you started."
Lady Heather walks over to Caleb, who is already in another conversation, from which he quickly excuses himself. He greets her fondly, and asks how she is; she responds that she's sure he heard because Kirsten must have told him about it. He apologizes and says, "I really liked your husband." She corrects, "Soon to be ex-husband," explaining that she can't be expected to stay with Jimmy after he lied to her and left them with nothing! Caleb asks, "Nothing?" and Lady Heather pretends to hold back crocodile tears as she explains that she'll have to get a job now -- "doing God knows what" because it's not like she has any marketable skills. Caleb assures her that it can't be true, and then offers that if there's anything he can do for her or the girls.... She insists that he's both sweet and busy, leaning in for a slow, soft kiss. I will not be loving it if Lady Heather ends up as Kirsten's new mother-in-law, but I see how they could easily go that route. Lady Heather claims that she just wanted to wish him a happy birthday, and Caleb says he's never too busy for her. He announces that they'll "have dinner -- figure something out." She says she'd like that, and then thanks him and leaves.
Summer stomps through the Cohen back yard up to Seth, who sits straddling a chair. She asks what he's doing, because she needs more introductions! He responds, "Okay. You know what? Summer? Uh, no." He whines that she's been using him all night to meet rich older guys. She argues that it's not true, and he stares her down until she concedes, "Okay. Maybe a little." Hee. He asks if she has any idea how pathetic it is to sit there and listen to her babble about mergers and acquisitions while some guy stares at her boobs? She asks, "Which guy was staring at my boobs?" Seth flatly answers, "Who cares." He stands up, insisting that she should listen to him. It's very Pacey-like. And that's not a complaint. The point, he says, is that that guy doesn't know Summer, and doesn't care about who she is. He continues, "In fact, he has no idea that every day of third grade you shared your lunch with that little skinny squirrel who kept getting his nuts stolen by that fat squirrel." And with that, there goes Summer. She's hooked. She softly says, "I hated that mean squirrel!" Seth continues that none of the other guys were there when Summer had to read her poem aloud in class, and her hands were shaking because she was nervous and cared what the other kids thought. Summer's all, "Poem. What poem?" Seth looks around awkwardly then mumbles, "'I...Wish I Was A Mermaid.'" Summer can't believe he remembers that because it was in sixth grade. He looks around in discomfort, and then nervously goes for it: "'I wish I was a mermaid, and was friends with all the fish./ Shiny tail and seashells --" Suddenly, Summer leans in to kiss him. Seth has no idea what to do with his hands. Aw. But he should take a lesson from Ryan. Finally, they're done and he tries to continue the poem, all, "I...wish..." Summer backs away, looking kind of sweet and shy. Summer then announces that she has to go, pointing out yet another investment banker. Seth stares at her and she laughs that it's okay -- she'll introduce herself. Seth watches her go and announces to himself, "The greatest party ever!"
Back in The Big House, Caleb selects a bottle of wine. Sandy joins him, claiming that Kirsten has no intention of quitting. It didn't sound that way to Caleb. Sandy says he wishes she would, so they could "get the hell away from" him. Caleb asks whether Sandy is looking for a fight, and Sandy tells him to "save it": the only reason Caleb is "punishing" Kirsten is because she's doing so well without him, and he's afraid she won't need him to tell her how to run the company or her family. This obviously gets to Caleb, who remains quiet as Sandy adds that he has news for him: "She's better than you at both." Wow, Caleb looks a lot like Kirsten in this scene. Sandy insists that if Caleb doesn't want to lose his daughter, he should let her keep doing what she's been doing. Sandy concludes, "You'll stay rich; she'll be happy; and I'll -- I'll figure out a way to make it work." Caleb needs a corkscrew. Sandy watches him go.
Kirsten greets guests on the porch, and then examines her wedding rings. Caleb watches her from across the room and joins her, putting a hand on her back and quietly saying, "Great party, Kiki." Kirsten inhales and then slowly exhales, looking away. Caleb adds that her mother would have liked it -- birthdays, holidays, she always loved a good party. Kirsten agrees that she did. Caleb quietly says he misses her, and Kirsten says, "I know. Me too." Kelly Rowan nails that line, by the way -- the trying not to cry, but right on the verge. Caleb asks about Kirsten's sister -- has she heard from her? Kirsten wanted to invite her, but she couldn't reach her -- her number was no longer in service. Caleb jokes, "And then there were two." Kirsten says he could look at it like that. Caleb quietly announces, "You're all that I got, Kiki." He continues that he's "running [her] so ragged" that she doesn't even have time to talk to him anymore. She implores that it's not true and he knows it -- she loves working for him, and she just wants him to be proud of her. Throughout this conversation, they stand side by side, not looking at each other. Caleb pauses, and then says that taking in a stray kid was just what her mother would have done. She laughs, "Except she would have done it just to piss you off." They laugh together, and he leans in to kiss her hair softly, telling her not to be late on Monday. It's a great scene, made greater by the fact that a blurry, Sandy-shaped figure lurks behind a pillar throughout the entire conversation.
Inside, Ryan sits on the staircase looking morose. Gabrielle spots him from downstairs. She's like a hybrid of Jessica Simpson and Jaime Pressly. She says, "So I guess she likes you," and Ryan's all, "I guess...she did." Gabrielle says he looks so sad, and that she'd give anything to be that miserable. Because, if she remembers correctly, that's what it feels like to be in love. Again, whose fault is that? Gabrielle paws Ryan's hair, and then leaves.
Heavy breathing. Marissa and Luke make out. His hand paws her panties. Kissing. More hands. More kissing. More panty-pawing. He says he loves her so much; she doesn't answer, just kisses him more. She rolls on top. More kissing. More kissing. More hands. He says, "Do you...Are you?" She looks down and mutters, "Okay." Oh, that's sad. He's surprised and asks if she's sure; she unconvincingly responds, "Yeah. I want to." The song playing in the background is disconcerting -- it features a deep male voice talking. Luke asks if he should grab a condom, and Marissa agrees, so at least we will probably be spared the "I think I'm pregnant" storyline. At least until sweeps. There's more kissing, and then he's excitedly off to get the condom. She rolls in the other direction, looking pensive.
Ryan sits on the steps of The Big House, waiting for Luke's car. He hears it and walks over to watch as a disheveled Marissa gets out of the car.Luke asks if she wants him to walk her in, but she doesn't. He insists that he loves her, and she says she loves him too. This whole scene is kind of heavy-handed; I half-expected her to be walking all bow-legged.
At the door, Marissa distractedly fumbles for her keys. Ryan walks up, looking sad yet hopeful. She just shakes her head, sighs, and tells him, "You're too late." Huh? For what? To devirginize her? She slams the door. He stares.
Tuesday on The O.C., on the last weekend before school, "one goes to Tijuana -- it's a tradition." Seth drives the Range Rover; Marissa and Summer hug; Summer wears a bandana; Jimmy asks whether Kirsten ever wonders what it'd be like if they'd ended up together; a random guy does a shot; a random girl gets a pitcher poured on her; Seth loves authentic Mexican culture; it's not about Ryan; Luke doesn't deserve her; and Marissa turns on a bed to face Ryan. Good stuff!