Warning: adult language will be used. That means no fucking nudity this week, horn dogs. Go cry a river.
Previously, Ricky suggests he and Diane's abrupt rush between the sheets may be a "one-time only." She agrees, "If you think we can do that." Theo's red blood cell count is "nearly normal" which means, for those of you that don't watch ER, he's cancer-free. Mary, braless, asks if she and Ricky are still on for their date, and he shiftily agrees; Ricky shows up in Di's apartment and they knock boots some more.
The drums pound and boom, the camera waves, and we're in gritty, gritty, New York City again, now, and forever. Ah, New York. I feel really bad I couldn't go up last weekend for Gustave's birthday, but I had tickets to a hockey game and didn't want to bail. That seems lamer in print than it even is, so forgive me, Gustave. Anyway, yellow cabs roll yellowly down the street, and WTF is that? A woman walking her dog wearing an "I (HEART) NY" shirt? I AM SO FUCKING SURE! NO self-respecting New Yorker would be caught DEAD, let alone WALKING THE DOG in one of those tourist-fashion-traps of a shirt! Jesus, Bochco! Anyway, we're in a playground, Katie's cooling her heels chatting with a woman, and the Sip rolls up, trench coated and ready to play family. Katie is surprised to see him, and then introduces him to the woman, Theo's teacher. She hugs Sip warmly, which totally skeeves him out, then says how happy everyone is for them that Theo's okay. Then she reminds him of the open house Thursday. Open house Thursday? Katie says she wrote it on the calendar. Oh yeah, says Sip, heh, I'm a real dad. Theo bounds up and steals my heart all over again and demands ice cream. Katie says not 'til after lunch, but Sip says yeah, sure, why not? Sip leads him off to the edge of the playground and Theo asks, "Why aren't you at work, D-yaddy?" And can I get an "aww!" from everyone at home? Thank you. A cop car wails past them and Theo guesses "someone's in trouble." Then he says he wants to be a cop. Sip does an internal spit-take then asks what happened to being a pilot. Theo says he wants to chase alligators too. Sip, ingraining stereotypes in his son like all good prejudiced dads do, asks, "Like that Australian nutcase?" Theo says yeah. Aww. Then a big giant cop tour bus or something -- riot squad bus? -- screams by them and Theo goes, "Whoa, someone's REALLY in trouble!" Sip flicks on his radio and hears the news: cop shot at Second and B. Katie zips up in time to hear Sip relay the info in his grand Midwestern accent: "Caahp shaaht on Second and B." He takes off, and Theo gnaws at his toasted coconut bar, waving sunnily and says, "Bye d-yaddy!"
Pounding drums. Moody keyboards. Smooth jazz. No, I mean the roar of a subway car.
There's a police sniper on the roof, and Di's on the phone, waiting on the street. There're several cop cars, Medavoy is strolling along, and a uniform is interviewing a woman. It's a big old honking crime scene, is what I'm saying. Baldwin comes up. They're all on the trail of the 'Do Rag Shooter. A uniform says the super says the state police came looking for a black male in apartment 2-J, and then Di goes to interview the stationery store clerk. The clerk is wearing this nice aqua and brown hooded sweater with fluffy brown fringe around the hood and an aqua pom pom on the zipper, a silver nose ring, and Scottish watch plaid pants. Cute! It's almost like recapping Buffy! For a moment. The Shop Girl balks at giving a detailed description because, "in my neighborhood, fools retaliate," and she doesn't want to get killed for getting involved. Di reminds her that the cop who got shot got involved when Shop Girl called 911 after getting robbed. Ooh, burn. Shop Girl gives a description of the shooter that differs slightly from Bloody Hands'.
Medavoy and Baldwin are up at the apartment where the shooter allegedly lives. They knock and hear woofing. A doggie! Medavoy says he hates dogs, and his stock plunges with me. What kind of person hates dogs? Then the barking subsides and Baldwin suggests someone is holding the dog's muzzle. He knocks again and Medavoy, dog-hater, suggests they try the fire escape, so they do.
Out on the fire escape, Baldwin says he'll kick in a window so they can go inside. The dog woofs. Medavoy says he doesn't want to blow the case doing an illegal search. I was about to say that! So they climb down.
Some gritty street scenes fly by, and we're still at the building. Di's on the phone getting info on the guy in 2-J, who's a -- guess what? -- black male in his twenties, named Tory, and Ricky and Sip come in strapping on…bullet proof vests, you perverts. Di gets the word that Tory has a warrant out for failing to appear and the Blue cops move in. Damn, this is gritty. Medavoy ruins the moment by saying he'll take out the dog if it's loose. Sip busts on him asking if he thinks a dog can hold a gun in his paw. Hell, there are times when I'm sure my dog is reading my books and talking on the phone. I'm sure he'd hold a gun if I left one around. So anyway, they bust in and the dog, a nice rottweiler, barks a lot; Tory has a gas mask on his head; Medavoy cowers behind the closet door as Tory is instructed to lock his dog in there; they find crack and a crack pipe; Tory is hauled off without being charged or arrested; Medavoy says his gut told him not to bust in; Baldwin kisses his hand and pats Medavoy's tummy, and Medavoy empties his gun to the sound of a growling dog.
Sip's hauling Tory up the stairs at the station house and hollers to put him in the pokey. Di says Shop Girl didn't ID Tory from his mug shots, and Cheryl is still in the OR. Begin the interrogation, already!
Tory wonders if he didn't wake up in the Soviet Union this morning. 'Cause his rights aren't being extended to him, see? He makes a "brr" noise to Ricky, like, ooh, he's so scared, and Sip promptly smacks him upside the head, hard. Is this new characteristic of Sip's a Bochco fingerprint? The head smacking, it's, well, a little heavy-handed. I had to say it, people. ANYWAY, Tory eventually admits he was the Blue Shirt guy that ran. And his 'Do Rag friend? Oh, that isn't his friend. Sip grabs Tory's neck until he squeaks, and then Ricky says they'll hurt his DOGGIE if Tory doesn't say whom 'Do Rag is. Tory says, "Andre Cutler. Don't touch my dog, man."
In rolls Bloody Hands with a denim-jacketed 'do-rag wearing light-skinned black male in tow. He's been beaten, and says he's going to sue the cops. Sip looks surprised when the uniform says this do-rag's name is MITCHELL. Mistaken identity much? They call it DWB, or Driving While Black. SUCKS. They drag off Mitchell, who says, "Lo-ter-ry." Sip says he thinks they have the wrong guy, but Di says Mitchell fits the Shop Girl's description to a "t." Sip notices Mitchell took a beating. Ricky's like, "Di, you want to stay with Mitchell, we'll go get Andre?" Di shoots him a look, and Fancy sends them all out.
Fancy yells at the uniforms outside Mitchell's room for beating him. One uniform actually says, "We're looking for a cop shooter here." They hand over what Mitchell had on him -- crack and a toy gun. Fancy sighs. Don't worry; you'll be out of here soon, Fancy. He says to hold off on the paperwork and dismisses them.
The streets under a bridge sure are rough-hewn. Gritty, even. Di, Ricky, and Sip are in the car and talk about Cheryl. Sip says her husband is taking it out on her partner, and Ricky says he thinks maybe her partner should have stayed with her. Di gets her panties all up in a wad and her bra strap all up in bunches, and yells hysterically that Cheryl was just doing her job and that if it was a male cop that got shot no one would say his partner should have stayed with him. Period. 'Do Rag emerges, Ricky tells Di to hang back, she says YOU hang back, and she takes off after 'Do Rag. They chase (tm ace and sep). They take down 'Do Rag and then Di yells at Ricky to never tell her to hang back again. He looks all hangdoggy. Aww.
Di drags in Andre 'Do Rag and a uniform gets all in his face, asking, "Is this the guy that killed Cheryl?" Whoa, she's dead. Millions of uniforms glare at 'Do Rag. Di hisses that it's not cool to tip off their suspect, and is Cheryl really dead? Whoa. Mary, braless, types and Ricky comes over to break up -- I mean talk -- with her. She's like, you take off, and you don't come back or call? Yeah, then he went and did it with Di! Mary, dude, dump his silver-spoon-having ass! She's like, "If you can't hold up your end anymore," and he's like, "Okay," like that lets him off the hook. He goes on to say that "certain things have happened" that made him realize he's not meant for Mary. Like, doing it with Diane. Mary gives him a weak handshake and asks him not to embarrass her. He says he wouldn't do that. I say he already has.
Andre 'Do Rag is cooling his heels. He wants his police brutality case on the record. Baldwin and Medavoy want him to talk about the two robberies -- a liquor store and, oh, some stationery store. He denies doing either. Then he says he'll drop the brutality case if the two robberies go away. Medavoy and Baldwin have a laugh at that and go see Fancy.
Fancy says to call the DA and make the deal. Then, in walks the captain, Cheryl's husband. He looks as grief-stricken as Mount Rushmore. Fancy says he's sorry for what happened, and the captain wonders where the shooter may be. Oh, boy. Sip and Ricky are talking to him. Fancy says they can look in on it. Let's go.
Fancy pulls up the curtain and they hear this 'Do Rag say that a "cute female cop" asked him to stay put, and he didn't, because she was "acting all bad-ass, and she wants to take [him] in? Let her earn it." But he wasn't the one that shot her. Fancy pulls the curtain down and apologizes to the captain again. The captain strolls out and says he wants two minutes alone with 'Do Rag, then bursts in and threatens him. Wham, just like that. Fancy restrains him, and 'Do Rag is like, you let that guy roam the halls? And Ricky says, "You want him to take your job away too?" The captain doesn't care about his job right now. Sip says he knows he doesn't want t blow the case and hands him his hat. The captain leaves, unsatisfied.
After like five minutes of commercials, in walks the new ADA, Valerie Haywood. Hey, she was on Baywatch! I bet this show is a real switch, from sandy to gritty, from lifeguard orange to police officer blue. From jiggle-core to Dennis Franz's ass. Oh, boy. Di introduces herself and then Medavoy and Baldwin, and says they need Valerie for the lineup. Medavoy and Baldwin explain their deal -- 'Do Rag doesn't say he was beaten by cops, they drop one robbery from his list that day -- and Valerie raises an eyebrow at the idea of this. She disapproves! High in moral fiber! And delicious too! Hey Valerie! Hee. Di takes her to see the lineup. In there is Sip, Fancy, Bloody Hands -- geez, it's like a clown car in there. Val is outraged when she sees all these people are there with the witness, and again when Sip scratches himself with two fingers to help Bloody Hands make the ID. Then, she CALLS Sip on it! "If our suspect doesn't give a voluntary admission of guilt, that ID never happened." Woooh!
Baldwin and Medavoy talk with Mitchell, the 'Do Rag that didn't shoot Cheryl. He's unsure of his deal. Baldwin assures him that he isn't getting screwed, but that when "a cop got shot it all went wrong." Mitchell says he doesn't even know what end is up anymore. Pretty sad.
Sip and Ricky roll in on the 'Do Rag that did shoot Cheryl. They team up and tell him that a cop made the ID and that that's what you call "a star witness." Andre 'Do Rag, nostrils flaring, says, "It just ain't right having no female cops out there." IN THE YEAR 2001, PEOPLE. "She shouldn't have been no cop, not around me." Sip looks like he's about to explode.
Val waits in the hall. Then she starts running in slow motion. Just kidding. She yells at Sip for the false ID, then brings up his dead wife and says he wouldn't try to steamroll her like he's doing to Valerie now! Val! It's your first day! Sip blinks and blinks as she says, "Get me good evidence and I'll get you good convictions." Sip agrees but looks sucker-punched.
The captain comes in and apologizes for "losing his cool." Then he shakes Bloody Hands' no longer bloody hand. Bloody Hands cries softly, like a little baby. Subtle.
Di and Ricky are having Their First Fight, by Playskool. It's about how a Female Cop Can Loose the Respect She Earns in an Instant. Ricky smiles bemusedly at his little spitfire. Damn, she's got spunk! And a great ass, to boot. Then he asks if it's still okay to open doors for her when they go out to dinner. Di, instead of handing him his ass on a plate, says she'd love it if he opened a door for her. Then he goes over and kisses her to shut her up, I guess. They kiss some more then go do it. Some more. Again.
Sip comes home and Katie says Theo is asleep. She puts on her coat to leave. She's going back to sleeping at her place, she says. Sip's like, "C'mon Katie, we got a nice system here. Theo needs you. I need you." "For what? What are we doing?" Sip says he doesn't know. She leaves. He sits on the couch.