Never before have I been so happy to learn that this show contains adult language and -- be still my heart -- partial nudity! Ah, nudity. Is there nothing it can't do?
Previously, on NYPD Blue: Di kisses Denby, blech. Denby's charred corpse appears in a dumpster, then comes back to life. Kirky almost takes a fall but Di and Fancy hold her up. Di wears a red tank top and gets yelled at by Fancy. Theo's impending leukemia makes Sip weak.
Sip folds up a hideaway bed. When me and my mom lived in gritty (gritty!) New York City, we shared a bunk bed for a while. It was not fun at all: she made me sleep in the bottom bunk and taped notes to the bottom side of the top bunk. Later, we got a Murphy bed, but I wasn't allowed to sleep in it. I think Sip should get a Murphy bed -- it would add some grit. Anyways -- hey, are people still going to say "anyways" on this show, now that David Milch is gone? All the cool Blue language comes from him, you know. From new guy Bochco comes things like Cop Rock. Actually, I shouldn't complain. Cop Rock would be a perfect show to recap for Mighty Big TV. So, let's begin this new season, shall we?
Sip folds up a hideaway bed. From the other room, Katie and Theo, the adorable one, emerge. I guess Katie slept over. Theo wants to wear his green striped shirt, Sip gets all gasket-blow-y and says, "Katie," and she promises to wash the green shirt and asks Theo to get into his "non-stinky" blue shirt. Theo trots off (aww!), and Sip starts muttering about Theo's color and hasn't it improved in the last few days? Katie says she doesn't know and "we all project what we want to see." Dude. That is so true. Andy fusses and fusses and fusses some more and Katie drops some more truth, reminding him that the hospital will have his blood tests in five days then they'll know if Theo's better or not. Sip says he can't wait five days. Sip. Chill. Theo scrambles back in, wearing the non-stinky blue shirt and looking adorable, and says that he's ready to go to school now. And I'm just about ready to eat you up, sweet thing! Mwah.
We're on the street. We zoom all around a gritty, gritty, oh so gritty New York City street and finally rush up to a sign that reads Zip's Burgers. Just as this isn't really New York, and this show isn't going to be any good anymore now that Milch has said goodbye, there isn't any Zip's Burgers. Maybe, somewhere in the world, there is some crummy burger joint named Zip's, but on any large, important level? There it doesn't exist. What exists, now that Milch has gone and taken his great dialogue and meaningful storylines with him, is wavy, stomach-turning camera work. Visual style. And asses. So bring 'em on! I missed them!
A uniformed cop is doing some 'splaining to luscious Baldwin. His head is shaved now, as smooth and as clean as a baby's...oh, sweet, sweet Baldwin. So yeah, the cop says there are three dead inside, and the fourth survived. Violence! Without this, Blue would just be angst and asses. Franz's cans. And sometimes, the side of Sheeri Rappaport's boobs. And a little grit.
Di comes up, and the uniform relays that they have a witness, a "dumpster diver." Dude, I've done that! A harried, frantic woman bursts through the crowd and is restrained by Medavoy. She's upset because her son works at Zip's and hasn't come home yet. His name is Darien Calloway. I guess I could call him Cab. Ricky and Sip head out to talk to the dumpster diver and Di promises to console -- I mean talk to -- the lady when they learn more.
Around the corner, Ricky is talking to the dumpster diver, who looks like he stepped straight out of the never-a-best-seller children's coloring book "Look Who's on The Bowery!" The guy looks like Jughead from the Archie comics but fatter, older, and more down on his luck. He even has points ripped very carefully into his hat. Dude, bums do not wear hats that ripped. They'd be ashamed! It's as if Bochco himself called up Central Casting and was like, "We need a bum! No, more tattered! Rip his hat! NOW we're in business!" Anyway, the bum says he didn't see anything. Sip shakes his head and stalks off, and in voice-over, says, "Oh-ho, this guy's a beaut." Ricky says he wants the bum to look at some photos.
We zoom inside, where three teenaged corpses are splayed on the ground, facedown, in puddles of blood that seeped out on the linoleum. Baldwin comforts a lone teen Zip's Burger's survivor who says the shooters made them lie down like that. Di comes in and gets the teen to confirm that Darien was one of the victims. She goes off to tell poor Darien's mom. Medavoy says, all world-weary, "They're just kids."
Whoosh. Bloosh. Subway train. Credits. Nice to have you back, those of you that are back. That is: Sip, Ricky, Di, Baldwin, John, and -- for a limited time -- Fancy.
Hello, station house. Ricky and Di are walking up the stairs, all chummy, with the bum in tow, and Mary comes downstairs. See how opposed they are? Di and Ricky get straight-faced real fast and Mary, making sad eyes in the direction of Di, invites Ricky over for lasagna later, "as if [he] deserve[s] it." Ricky purses his lips a bit then goes into the office. John has a new haircut, very nice, and looks bright and cheery in a red sweater, J. Crew circa 1996. There's some dude in a brown suit who Ricky blows off.
Sip's on the phone, sweet-talking some doctor into giving Theo a test now, "because he really is looking better." Mm-hmm. As he sweet-talks, he has a look on his face that would melt glass. I'm so scared of Sip. Ricky sits the bum down to look at photos and Sip barely blinks.
Medavoy, Baldwin, and the surviving fast food teen come in. Brown Suit Dude leaps up and says he wants to "huddle" before he and Medavoy meet with IAB. The screen says David Milch is still the "executive consultant." Whew. Medavoy is like, yeah, we caught a triple homicide, let me check with the boss, lawyer dude. Di and Ricky start to do a little police work about the dead fast food teens, then talk about something more interesting to Blue watchers: Sip's state of mind, and personal stuff. How is he today? Grumpy? Really? Oh. Bummed out about something? Noo. Sip? Yes, today, it's Theo. And you and Mary? How's that? Di tilts her head like she really, really cares and Ricky acts all bummed as he says, oh, it's not going so well. You two? Can just go do it already. Why, I can't even wait 'til the end of the episode to see you hop in bed together. You hear me? The end of the episode, I said. Di suggests they go to Vermont for a three-day weekend then Ricky says how about he and Di go to Vermont for a three-day weekend. I say, why don't the two of you go to Vermont for a three-day weekend and DO IT FOR ALL THREE DAYS? Then, go do it some more. Di makes a face and says don't joke like that. Ricky says he wasn't joking and Di primly files and pats her hair and says seriously, it makes her uncomfortable. Then her pants burst into flames, because she is LYING. She meant to say it makes her hot.
A clean-shaven Fancy summons Medavoy into his office. Medavoy wants to put off going to the IAB. No dice. Brown Suit Lawyer dude is Cohen, and they knew him before, when he worked at the D.A.'s office. He had a crush on Kirky, they say. Medavoy is all nervous about the "rat squad," then says "ANYWAYS, we got nuttin' to hide, right bass!" Fancy looks down and says they're expecting him in an hour. Dismissed.
The Blue cops are in a sidebar with Cohen. Sip grumbles about lawyers working for "the dark side, defending rapists" and I hear "dark side" and think of Glark's bastard Star Wars parodies. Sip, I am your father (breathing like Darth Vader). Sorry. So yeah, Sip grumps out but takes it back. Cohen recaps last season's highlights: Kirky's asshole loser ex took her kids hostage and that's why the Blue squad took down him and Denby. Plus, we saw Baldwin's ass. Well, Cohen doesn't mention it, but it certainly was a highlight. Oh my, yes. So IAB is going after Medavoy first because, in Sip's words, "he's the weak link." Medavoy lifts his head from his arms and takes some weak umbrage, and Sip amends that to "the least involved." Cohen strides out and Medavoy follows comically, then pivots and says, "Don't worry, they won't get squat outta me." Sip makes a Don Quixote comparison then says it was Kirky's "bad taste in men that got us in this," and oh my god, Sip is so Archie Bunker, blaming the woman. Di and Ricky give him a look and walk out, then Sip rolls his eyes so mightily and with such heft that I forgive him for being such a sexist bastard. Damn, that guy can roll his eyes.
Ricky's at the water fountain, and Di sneaks up behind him. Isn't he cute when he slurps? And the rest of the time too? Di loves Ricky. They try to talk about work but only manage to talk about themselves. Medavoy will be fine, and that crack about Vermont? Di says he didn't "misread any signals," and that they "should leave it alone." A uniform comes up and inturrpts them, something about some junkie. Ricky snaps at him until he goes away, then he and Di confirm that they are, in fact, cool and besides, Di is "old enough to be [his] mother." Ricky gets all eye-twinkly and says, "What, did you have me when you were six?" Yeah, they have a May-May fifteenth romance. Di comes as close to beaming as anyone ever does on this show. Aw. They are in looove!
Sip makes another call to Theo's doctor about his test. Fancy notices, and Ricky knocks over some pencils to alert Sip to the fact that Fancy has noticed. As if Sip cares. Is it police-work time yet?
Sip, Di, and Ricky stride into an interrogation room where a junkie-looking guy dances to his feet and asks if they could hurry this up, he has places to be. Sip wonders what he thinks this is, IHOP? This is already so cliché-ridden, I'm bored. And, I miss IHOP; they closed the last one in Philly to make room for a –gak -- gourmet coffee bar. Where the hell am I supposed to get blueberry pancakes at 4 AM, I ask you? So Junkie Guy, who was on Days of Our Lives with Di back in the day (so the posters on the boards tell me), rats out Johnny D and Will for the murders at Zip's Burgers. Apparently, they "zooted" on something. Bochco, you magnificent bastard, you! Not. Then Junkie Guy heard shots, "pop, pop!" but he "wasn't down with anyone's turkey shoot," and split. Oh, and they knew a guy on the inside -- Derek. The cops all get murderously purposeful looks on their faces, slam Junkie Guy in the pokey, and split. Junkie Guy protests -- what a surprise.
Baldwin bursts into the room where Derek, fast food survival guy, is pretending to look at mug shots. Surprise, he doesn't recognize anyone yet. Baldwin knocks photos around, gives him the Vulcan death grip, slams a table down, and generally intimidates the air until Derek gives up his cousin, Johnny D, as the murderer. Baldwin whips out a notebook and pen and then they get word that Junkie guy is flipping out in the pokey.
Junkie Guy's climbing the walls of the cage, all right. Ricky says that Junkie Guy scoring isn't of importance to their police work, so could he keep it down in there, please? Only grittier. Sip and Di come in and they all do a few rounds of "I gotta get out! / you gotta sit tight!" until Junkie Guy spills that some dealer, Tito not-Jackson, has taken his five-and-a-half-year-old daughter hostage because Junkie Guy owes him five grand. This, for some odd reason, strikes a chord in Sip -- wonder why? -- and he gets all owly and huge-eyed and lets his Junkie Guy go. Ricky calls him a "deadbeat scumbag." Sigh.
, a gritty, camera-wavy montage of Ricky and Di busting in on what they hope is Tito and the little girl. Sip busts into the john and we get a gratuitous shot of him hauling some poor slob from Juilliard off the can, complaining, "Oh my god, what'd you eat, a yak?" Yeah, yaks are known for the way they smell, post-digestion. BOCHCO!! They haul off the junkies, tag the junk, and continue to look for the girl.
Medavoy at the IAB. He uses a lot of fifty-cent words, but can't spell "Canandaigua" better than "C-A-N-degeua." Hee. Medavoy makes a right pretty speech about good cops getting "jammed up," or something, but honestly, he didn't cover anything up. The IAB guy says Baldwin is up . Medavoy makes a face.
The gritty, gritty street where the station house is looks pretty in the afternoon light. Medavoy comes in and gets mad that everyone else is out doing police work, especially Baldwin who's out with Fancy. John says the boss was "eager and invigorated" to be out on the job. Medavoy just about pops a gasket then rushes out to "protect the boss and making sure he returns to the confines of his private office." Hee.
Sip and Ricky bust in on Junkie Guy, and tell him Tito wasn't where JG said he would be. Junkie Guy gives up Tito's pager number. Sip grumbles. Dude, blame Bochco. Ricky says it's only a 20% chance they get a call on a traceable "land line." Junkie Guy asks when ("ahem," the closed captioning says) he may get out. Dude. Give it UP. Listen to the smooth jazz they pipe in and sit on it.
Sip makes another worried call about Theo's tests. His doctor is still in surgery. Sip understands, and sighs, and wipes his face.
Ricky and Di take a huddle -- they decide they have to talk to Denby to find out about some chick Kirky's ex-lover was banging. Di sighs that she got a letter from Denby, but didn't read it. Ricky acts a little jealous. She thinks it was an "amends letter, step nine." Ricky says, "Give me the letter, I'll go talk to him." Mmm-hmm. Di says no, she'll go do it. Mmm-HMM!
Phone. It's from a landline. Ricky goes to trace the call, and Sip, in some kind of really bad foreign accent (so bad it's "furrin'"), asks for Sammy. "Is Sammy dere! I want to talk to Sammy! Put Sammy on the…! They hung up." Hee. Sip said Sammy funny.
Baldwin, Fancy, and Derek/fast food survivor guy are sitting in a car, waiting to make a collar. Fancy asks whose idea it was to shoot Derek in the head. Derek says his. Fancy asks if they put an apple on his head first. Derek doesn't get it. Does Zips's even have apples? I doubt it. Anyway, the shooters come out, Derek points them out, and Baldwin and Fancy make the collar. This is like when Ace and Sep write "they fight" in a Buffy recap. At the last minute, Medavoy zooms up to "help." As if.
Di, Sip, and Ricky take some riot-squad-looking cops and go on Rescue the Little Girl, Version 2.0. It's all very gritty, lots of yelling. Tito holds a knife to the little girl and screams, "They think I took you! Took your daddy at his word and look what it got me in!" Ricky drops his gun and makes horsie noises: "Whoa, whoa." Di comforts the little girl. They remind Tito that Junkie Guy is "not the pope," and that Tito isn't automatically shackled with kidnapping charges. He gives the little girl up, and after a gentle reminder, drops the knife. Whew.
Di, Sip, and Ricky come in and meet Fancy just leaving the washroom, drying his hands. Yay, hygiene. They tell him about the little girl, and say they're going to let her see her dad before calling child services. Sip makes worried, Theo-related phone call number one million, and everyone notices. This show is subtle, ain't it?
Di leads the little girl in to see Junkie Guy. She has a bunny. She's not so happy to see her Junkie Guy dad. Wonder why. He acts happy to see her, though. Then he swears that "this time [he's] going to get it together, starting right now!" Ricky says, "You do that."
Di's off to meet with Denby. She'll let Ricky know how it goes. Should Ricky come with? No, that's all right. And no, she doesn't have a past with Denby! Ricky watches her go downstairs, and they exchange a meaningful glance. Mmm-HMM!
A fake package delivery place, CitiWide, is where we're at. Denby works there. He calls her visit a "generous gesture," and refers to the package warehouse as "purgatory, a final resting place for packages that can't fulfill their destiny." God, what a windbag. Di says that it would be good for him to learn some humility and he says, "Physical labor clears the mind." Has it started on you, yet, Denby? He goes on to say that "being sober is a blessing," and that he "prefers to make [his] amends in person," unless Di came because she has two tickets to La Traviata (which I'll take as a shout-out because that is my favorite opera). He adds that seeing Di through "clear eyes..." pause, move in close "...[she is] quite a beautiful woman." Oh, Scott CO-hen, you rake. Tee hee. Di moves away and gets down to business. They need to talk to Denby's gal pal. Denby ignores her request and comments that his follow-through needs work. "All shut down, in your prime? That's not healthy! You are a woman with strong, unmet needs, and I am graciously offering my services." All over the country, Scott Cohen fans scream, "ME FIRST!" Whether my voice was among the chorus is unimportant. Oh, okay, he's got me. God damn it. Di says she can't stand him, and he says, "Exactly. That's what would make this so damn fun." Wow, he is SUPER bad. Di says screw you, and Denby says the girl's name is Lauren and he'll see what he can do to locate her if she comes by tomorrow. Di flips him a half-bird and stalks off. Denby yells, "I LOVE YOU!" Ahr.
Hospital. Sip whisper-yells until the doctor says he can give Theo his tests, but the doctor wants to know if the results come back positive, will they start the chemotherapy right away, instead of waiting the five days? Katie begs Sip to wait the five days, and Theo murmurs, "No more shots, daddy," but Sip pushes on. He's just so SURE Theo is better. DO IT NOW, he says, "we need to know now." Sip, never one to put off suffering.
A knock on Di's door. It's Ricky. With a pizza. Di actually says, "I didn't order a pizza." It's PORNO, people. They talk about work, how Denby gave up Lauren's name and wants Di to come back tomorrow. Ricky says why doesn't HE go back tomorrow, and Di says she's worried about Jill -- dude, she's reading the news in New Mexico, nothing to worry about -- and boom, the camera waves down to show us Ricky's hand on top of Di's hand. A pause, an awkward moment, Ricky makes a crack about returning the "pizza warmer" -- is that what they're calling it -- and WHAM! They kiss. Like a total girl, Ricky pulls back and says, "DIANE," and she says, "Shhh."
BOOM! We're in the bedroom. They kiss and undress. Then TOTAL RICKY SCHROEDER ASS. He's all up in Diane, halfway in between her legs. They're kissing, now Di's on top, more kissing, they roll over again, there's Di's knee and a bit of Ricky's ass AGAIN, the music is all soft and Twin Peaks-y, Di throws her head back and then the camera waves over to show us a gray, gritty dawn in NYC.