The previouslies include Camille meeting someone called Dan. I don't remember that, but it's possible that it happened. I guess.
Gabe and Sebastian are slouching down the road to see "some private school band." [I've never heard that phrase before. What does it matter what type of school a band's members go to? God forbid they accidentally see a public school band. - Zach] Sebastian has invited Taylor, which fascinates Gabe. He wants to know if you can tell immediately that she's from a public school. Sebastian assures him that she doesn't wear clothes that say "JUICY" on them or anything. Gabe claims that public school girls are always taking Facebook pictures with their boyfriends, and I don't even know what he thinks he's trying to get at.
At the club, Gabe sneers at this one chick with cool hair and a leather jacket. Or maybe he thinks she's hot. It's hard to tell. Or care. And speaking of not caring, Taylor and Camille are at the club now. Sebastian is even twitchier than usual, bopping up and down on the balls of his feet and wiping his nose frequently. I'm just reporting the facts here. Also, he's texting while talking to Taylor, because he is Mr. Smooth. Meanwhile, Taylor is standing there quietly. Sebastian has no idea why she isn't swooning all over him like usual.
On the dance floor, Sebastian acts like a complete freak. Taylor describes it accurately: "Sebastian's like not a great dancer. He just kind of looks really spastic. I don't even know what he was doing. At first I thought he was kidding when he was dancing, but he wasn't. I think he was trying to impress me or something. It was sad." Yup. Camille thinks the vibe between Sebastian and Taylor is awkward, because Sebastian is frantically trying to impress Taylor, who is not responding at all. She gleefully describes it as a "train wreck". Taylor claims to be worried that Sebastian is going to want to "talk about what we are", which she does not want to do. She has nothing to worry about. Discussions about the state of the relationship are not what guys like Sebastian like to do.
After the show (which wasn't terrible, I guess), Sebastian and Taylor walk by themselves. Sebastian has not learned how to subtly fish for compliments, so he outright asks if Taylor enjoyed his dance moves. She might be a common public school girl, but she's got some manners, so instead of laughing in his face, she says "Yes." Sebastian, naturally, responds "Of course you did." and makes a self-satisfied face that I think is pretty entertaining. And then he actually raises the question of "what's happening with us", and it's a boring, unproductive conversation. They have an awkward kiss at the corner, because Taylor turns her head at the last second. Sebastian is baffled by this and goes away.
Kelli tells us (in what I'm pretty sure is the same voice clip as in the premiere) that her parents come to the city once a week. Which is why they're in her apartment talking about SATs and voice coaches. Kelli wants to be a singer, remember? Kelli's mother is concerned about getting a voice coach who's reputable. Kelli wants someone with connections. And she cares more about singing than the SAT.
Camille and her friend Maite are in an Alice in Wonderland-themed café talking about how Camille is starting to think she wants a boyfriend. She's never really had one because she has very high standards regarding sense of humor, intelligence and hair color. [So, the hair color needs to be of an exceedingly high quality? Are some colors higher-quality than others? - Z] She admits that she probably can't pull off the adoring girlfriend thing. Camille talks about lowering her standards and Maite correctly tells her that going around with a checklist probably isn't going to work. Camille's plan is to talk to guys, give out her number, and generally pretend not to be a bitch. Worth a try, I guess. "I'll just take, like, you know, the random hookups or whatever, and just turn them into boyfriends." Okay, look: Are "hookups" sex or not? Or are they not sex until you're 21 or something? I'm just trying to figure out if I should be appalled here. I mean, I'm already appalled by Sebastian, but that would have happened anyway. Maite points out that the reason they're "random hookups" is because they don't want to be Camille's boyfriend. Camille narrows her eyes.
The morning, Sebastian and Gabe are shopping for clothes. Sebastian describes the events of the evening, and it's a lot like the way I described it, but with more mumbling. Sebastian was shocked to be rejected, because no one has ever been rejected before. He tells Gabe that he went home and cried for an hour, but is quick to make it clear that that was a joke. It doesn't work if you immediately back away from it, man. You gotta commit. Sebastian and Gabe giggle about the idea that Cole calls her on the phone or something.
Camille is out on a date with Dan, the guy from the previouslies. Camille knows that Dan is a flirtatious "player" and she wants to see how he'll act on their date. She interviews that she's looking for a guy who will allow her to focus on school and academics, which is an admirable goal. But it's not much of a relationship. I mean, it's nice to hear someone mention school in passing (fascinating fact: the "Prep" in the phrase "NYC Prep" stands for "University-Prepatory School", meaning that all these kids are theoretically in high school expressly for the purpose of going to a university. Well, except Public School Taylor. My point is that there's not much studying going on.) but ... wait, where was I? Oh, right. Camille's goal of staying focused on school is at odds with her new goal of getting a boyfriend. It's also at odds with being on television, really. Everyone knows that Hermione loses screen time as the movies go on.
Okay, anyway! Dan asks Camille how her evening is going, which she thinks is weird, since all she's done is sit down and receive a glass of water and a menu. Dan bops his head back and forth several times in a way that he presumably thinks looks cool. Dan is going to George Washington year, which Camille describes in an interview as a party school, as opposed to Harvard, which is Number One. Well, you're not in Harvard yet. Dan also applied to University of Miami and Penn State, and now Camille cannot stop herself from mocking him to his face, describing all his choices as huge party schools. Luckily, Dan agrees enthusiastically. Whoo party schools! When Dan says that he hasn't selected a major yet, that's about it for him in Camille's eyes. Dan asks again if she's having a good time. It's not going well, and I don't think Dan has any idea. Dan asks what Camille's hobbies are, and she claims she hasn't selected any. Dan's hobby is "hanging out". Camille is now barely tolerating him, but it doesn't appear that he recognizes sarcasm, so it works out fine. He thinks her smile is friendliness, not her openly laughing at him. In an interview, Camille mocks Dan's hair-flipping. She describes the date as "just kind of a hook-up for me" and they get in the same cab. Shocking! Or maybe not! Hey, if one of you on this show read this, could you put in your blog (on BravoTV.com -- plug!) what you think "hook-up" means?
Exterior. Day. PC and some guy are shopping for clothes and candles. The guy is Dan. The Dan from Camille's date? Man, I was watching him one scene ago and already I forgot what he looks like! They make a mild spectacle out of themselves with the cursing, but they're left alone because they have a camera crew with them. PC says that Camille has a reputation for being nasty, and Dan says that "afterward, it went pretty well." PC thinks that Dan saw Camille's secret wild side. They purchase clothes and leave. PC announces that he spent $280 and thought it would be $4000.
Camille and Maite. Camille didn't care for Dan's conversation. I can't tell if Maite is making a weird face or what when she asks "Was it stagnant?" I think she just overarticulates her lips when she talks. I hope she doesn't read this, because that's the sort of thing that, once you hear it, you can't stop thinking about. Maite thinks that Camille is out of bounds for complaining about being asked what her hobbies are. Then she starts babbling about planning Camille's wedding. Camille cuts her off and tells her about a dinner party she's planning. Maite's busy, so the guest list will be Kelli, PC, Jessie, Taylor and Sebastian. Hey! That's the cast from the opening credits of this show! What a coincidence that they'll all be at the same party! I mock, but this show would work a lot better if all the people on it actually hung out occasionally.
Midcommercial! Kelli is turning 17 soon and wants to learn to drive. Her brother is in charge of teaching her.
Taylor is walking with her friend Ayala. See, you keep getting the main characters off on their own talking to their individual friends, which makes it hard for the show to be about the way they interact with each other. Anyway, they're talking about Camille's dinner party and Taylor's thinking about bringing Cole. Ayala points out that there would probably be some sort of scene between Cole and Sebastian, and now Taylor is rethinking it. Well, I guess technically "rethinking" implies that she thought about it at least once already, but you know what I mean.
PC and "PC and Jessie's friend Kat" are also talking about Camille's party. It's at a restaurant owned by one of Kat's mother's clients, if you find that sort of thing interesting. PC invites Kat along to help him interrogate Camille. PC claims that his motivation for going to the party is to perform psychological experimentation on everyone and see how they behave under pressure. See, he's not being a jerk; it's just a social experiment! As he and Kat walk off, he apologizes for being fucked up, and she asks if there's vodka in his bag.
There's a half moon in the sky, but it's daytime, so I don't know if I should count it.
Dinner party! It's in a private room at a place called "Firebird". Camille and Kelli are there first, and Camille is positively giddy about Taylor, Sebastian, and Cole all being there. She anticipates plenty of awkward moments. Can't wait! As Sebastian enters, he gives both girls hugs. He's more enthusiastic about the one for Kelli. Camille tells him Cole is coming, and he is not enthused. Then he interviews about not being enthused. That was a productive use of screentime. Taylor arrives and says that Cole will be along shortly. PC and Kat enter as PC calls out, "Hello, children!" PC feels ever so mature and old, being around these people who are as much as two years younger than him. He doesn't know if Jessie is coming but lets himself get bullied into texting her. Camille tells us again that she wants to get to know Jessie so she can get into Operation Smile and have a charity on her resume for Harvard. But Jessie's not coming, so never mind.
It's time for the dinner part of the dinner party, and PC is starting the trolling. He asks Camille how her date with Dan went, and interviews that he thinks there was some "mingling" going on between the two of them. I'm pretty sure I know what "mingling" is when it's got those quotes around it. Camille thinks that "proper dinner party etiquette" normally precludes grilling your hostess on whether she had sex on a date. When Cole finally shows up, PC shouts, "There's the mother[bleep]er!" Classy. That'll show those children you mean business. I will say, though, that of the three guys there, only PC has had the sense to wear a tie. This is balanced off by him telling Cole as soon as he's in the room that Sebastian and Taylor hooked up. Supposedly. Everyone looks around awkwardly. Cole tells Sebastian that there are no hard feelings. Sebastian interviews, "I didn't feel threatened by Cole being at the dinner party. I just felt like it was gonna be really weird." That's certainly a fair assessment of the situation.
After the awkward pause has gone on long enough, Camille welcomes Cole to the party and he apologizes for not saying hello to her first. His excuse is that he didn't know which one was Camille. Well, okay. Say, do you find this paragraph boring so far? PC certainly does. He craves action, romance, hot-cha-cha! So he announces that it's time for "The Virgin Talk," but Camille shuts it down immediately. She feels that it's not appropriate dinner conversation to ask who's a virgin. PC tells us that virgins don't like talking about sex. Then he appears to decide that he's infinitely more mature than everyone else at the table and starts saying things like "What do you guys do for your free time? Play in the sandbox?" Put a sock in it, kid. Kelli accurately observes that PC's comments are, in fact, less mature than the rest of the conversation. When Kelli mentions that her birthday is tomorrow, PC asks where her bat mitzvah is, which is at least clever.
PC asks what everyone wants to do in the future, which is a decent topic of conversation. Really, Camille should have been leading the conversation, but I only know that from having read Miss Manners books extensively in my youth. Sebastian wants to be a journalist, presumably because he has nice hair. Taylor wants to be a elephant trainer. Sebastian is baffled by this. PC tells her that at first he thought that was ridiculous, but now he says go for it. He interviews that Taylor is either incredibly stupid or smart. PC tells Taylor that she has a very sweet voice and that he just wants to cuddle with her, and I assume he's just saying this to screw with Cole and Sebastian. He tells her if she were a veggie burger, he'd eat her. Because she's a vegan, see. She interviews that this makes perfect sense, because if she were a veggie burger, she'd want to eat herself. That doesn't make any sense at all. I advise you to put no further thought into it.
Hey, it's Jessie! She's at some... place... with coffee and baked goods. But not a Starbucks. Someplace classier and more expensive. She's waiting for PC and getting pretty annoyed by it. She tells us that it infuriates her when PC is late. But she doesn't react that way to anyone else being late. Suddenly! Camille shows up and makes a big show of being friendly. She commiserates about Jessie's anger about PC being late, but then immediately compares it to Jessie not showing up for her dinner party. Jessie tells her that she had bronchitis [How many days later is this? - Z] and Camille pretends to accept that answer. She describes some of PC's antics at the party, and Jessie isn't surprised. Jessie says that the only time PC would be politically correct is to be ironic. People are still being ironically politically correct? How mid-'90s. Jessie is unsympathetic to Camille, chalks it all up to "PC being PC" and is glad she wasn't at the party. They part.
Natural History Museum! I recapped an Ugly Betty party that took place in this dinosaur room! PC meets Camille and she calls him on his foolishness. She tells him that Kelli was angry about PCs constant talk about how young she was, and he explains that it's not years but maturity. Make your own joke. Camille tries to get him to craft an insincere apology, but he has no interest in it since he and Kelli probably won't ever get along anyway. That's the mature attitude!
Somewhere, PC finally catches up with Jessie. He claims that he didn't show up in the last scene because he was busy. Or tired. Or something. She doesn't like that explanation. They shout at each other for a bit. They talk about Camille's party and PC again claims that he and Jessie are sooooooo much mature than all those kids. He also thinks Taylor needs friends, who should be named PC and Jessie. I think PC has watched Cruel Intentions recently and has some sort of crazy plan. Jessie isn't all that interested in making Taylor their charity project. Plus, Jessie thinks it's a bad idea for PC to try to be some poor girl's mentor. Yeah, that wouldn't go well.
Kelli and Camille meet on a street corner to talk about the party. Kelli claims that she was mostly concerned for Camille, because it was her party that was going poorly. Camille tells Kelli that PC felt bad for all the stuff he was saying, which she surely isn't naive enough to believe. Camille thinks that Kelli must be mature because she has her own place and a singing career. Oh, it's a career now? Or is this like when Camille talks about how great Harvard is, where we're just assuming everyone's plans will work out? Anyway, Camille tells Kelli that PC thinks he might have hurt her feelings but also doesn't care that much. Well, I think that's accurate. Incidentally, Kelli's caption now says "Kelli, 17" when it said "Kelli, 16" at the beginning. So she really did have a birthday!
Kelli on PC: "'Cause you wear tight pants and you say 'darling,' that's maturity? Sorry, I must have missed that memo!"
Sebastian is standing to some public art when Taylor comes up to him. She's arranged a meeting to make sure that things aren't awkward between them. Sebastian spits into the street and tells her they aren't friends. She's thrown by this and he can't really explain himself. Basically, he has no interest in talking with her or hanging out in any way. He asks about her and Cole in a way that uses the word "whatever" several times. Then he leaves. Taylor gives us a PSA about not dating Sebastian. Well, I wasn't really planning on it, but okay.
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