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Jackie's now a week clean, and finding reality not-so-awesome. Grace wants to go on pediatric Xanax, which sounds like a great plan -- since she's, you know, nuts -- except for how her mom is a huge drug addict, and this is a shortcut to getting there. Jackie takes it pretty hard, and Eleanor and Eddie commiserate with her about this latest thing; eventually Eleanor gets it taken care of.
The HR situation escalates; Jackie can't administer meds for some reason having to do with Gloria wanting to do damage control. Jackie is totally ashamed, which is nice to see, but probably won't last; it only takes about three seconds for her to figure out Eleanor was the one who told Gloria about her drug issues.
Zoey and Thor -- who's gotten his braces off! -- spend the day abusing the hospital's doctors in the name of flu shots, but it's a serious reprimand from O'Hara that breaks Zoey's brain for good. She starts flirting with this monkey-obsessed do-gooder who's pretty cute, in a fivehead way, but is no Lenny, and then Lenny gets involved and they sort of fight.
Everybody feels bad for Eleanor -- because fighting with Jackie is so harsh for a person to deal with -- but there's only so much you can do. Eleanor eventually takes her down for it, and Jackie continues crying and being embarrassed. Later, Gloria assures Eleanor she wasn't to blame, and Grace indulges in weirdness on a whole new level while waiting for her drugs to kick in, so Jackie's somehow found her level after all.
Akalitus engages Coop's services as a hostage negotiator to get her statues back; he's into it because he wants the chapel for his birthday-slash-wedding. Eleanor talks Coop into hitting on her, and it's super funny but also pretty random; mostly it just seems like an amazing story for her to tell Jackie later, which makes it awesome.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!The good news is, Grace is in therapy, where she belongs all day every day. The bad news is, the lady's got her doing a dream journal which, unicornish cover aside, you know has got to be the biggest piece of literary snuff since the Revelation of Saint John. Bunnies and kittens spontaneously combusting, saints stabbing each other all to hell, mommies getting electrocuted, the whole thing.
FAMILY SESSION
Therapist: "Wait until you hear this shit, guys."
Grace: "Basically, I can control the weather. I think bad things, and then they happen."
Kevin: "For real? Like, Into The Cornfield-type stuff?"
Grace: "No, just in theory. Not so much that it happens as that it might."
Jackie: "So, nothing is actually happening that affects me? You're just nuts? Honey, she's just nuts."
Grace: "Yeah but like the degree."
Therapist: "She needs to be on drugs. Uncrazy-making drugs. All of them."
Grace: "Better living through chemistry."
Therapist: "The great thing about Xanax is that she can use it whenever she wants. This totally addictive drug, she can just pop a pill whenever she feels like it. Doesn't that sound like a great fucking idea?"
Jackie: "As a huge drug addict, I see the attraction. But I can't help thinking this is all about me."
Grace: "For once, you are totally right."
Therapist: "Where there's smoke, there's fire. Any particular reason why your daughter might be going even more insane than baseline?"
Kevin: "Certainly not that I can think of. Although I should mention that, just like every episode this whole season, I'm going to be disappearing for large amounts of time with zero explanation."
Jackie: "I am detoxing right now -- through no conscious or dignified action of my own -- so mostly what I can think about today is itching."
Grace: "Honestly, the fact that I eat my own hair bald sort of makes me a trooper when you consider these mothers."
ALL SAINTS PHARMACY
Jackie: "Eddie, can you fill this Xanax Rx for my insane daughter?"
Eddie: "No, but I can't tell you why. Is everything okay?"
Jackie: "Itching."
Eddie: "Do you think Grace understands the ramifications of drug use?"
Jackie: "I think Grace pretty much defines the 'ramifications of drug use.'"
Eddie: "You feel pretty shitty about this, yes?"
Jackie: "I had no idea my worst nightmare involved somebody else in pain. I kind of thought it was a world with no drugs in it for me to take. But no, this is worse."
EMERGENCY
Zoey: "Everybody thinks it's so fucking cute when the mousy naïve character acts like a badass drill sergeant, so let's do a bunch of that. Watch me scream!"
Jackie: "What on earth is going on here?"
Sam: "We're giving all the doctors their flu shots, for to combat the influenza. It's Doctor Day."
Jackie, verbatim and awesome: "Every day is Doctor Day."
Zoey does more of that mess. It's something I'm personally allergic to, dating all the way back to Willow Rosenberg, but I guess I get the appeal. The problem is that what begins as a funny reversion-of-type gimmick usually ends up overused because it's such an easy trick that every writer wants to try it in their episode, which means it becomes the character, into realms of shrill and stupid, and plays in the final analysis as even more infantilizing than before it started. A minor grace note becoming a central piece, which Zoey is already turning into a collection of those anyway, c.v. all the repetitive bullshit with Lenny in the back half of this season.
Thor: Flirting up a storm; beyond adorable. Has no braces on teeth that were previously embraced.
Kelly: "You guys, I cannot wait to tell you all about how awesome I am!"
Everybody: "We are still mysteriously okay with this shit."
Coop: "For me, it is because I am kind of gay about Nurse Kelly."
Jackie: "Everybody, you better shut up. Itching."
Patient One: "So an infant scratched my cornea..."
Everybody: "We're really more interested in going on and on about ourselves."
Coop: "I managed to sleep with that girl I'm stalking and planning to marry. She has no idea I have a crawlspace."
Gloria: "Jackie, this is one of those times where I'm your boss."
Jackie: "I am already weirded out."
Gloria: "Come with me."
GLORIA'S OFFICE
Jackie: "Piss test? PISS TEST?"
Gloria: "I know, right? Sorry about this. But it's related all the drugs you're constantly doing."
Jackie: "Good thing I'm accidentally in detox and can take this test worry-free. I was afraid that a truck might have to hit you."
Gloria: "Nobody is happier about that than I am, believe me. Not that anybody on this show ever takes for granted that they won't get hit by a truck."
Jackie: "But PISS TEST?"
Gloria: "Listen up, because I'm only going to explain this once and it's not going to make any sense anyway. But basically HR has determined that somebody in the ER is a huge drug addict, and since we know that's you, they're connecting the dots. Except not really, because nothing ever happens on this show and you are consequence-exempt. So all that's going to happen here is that you're not allowed to administer meds for the duration of this episode, and then -- like most things on this show -- we'll never talk about it again. Clear?"
Jackie: "How humiliating."
Gloria: "I know. Your reputation means everything. Both as a strong woman and nurse, and as a big lying drug addict who relies on your reputation."
Jackie: "No, I mean it's humiliating how little the execs seem to care about basic storytelling at this point in the game, and just let their writers do whatever they want without basic fact-checking the narrative follow-through from episode to episode. Usually this happens because they've got other series in development, but maybe this time they're just tired. Sometimes it almost feels like they have it out for the viewer."
Gloria: "This is why I stopped watching Weeds sometime in the last decade. But no, in my experience it's mainly male showrunners who do that, because they get off on the power of delegation. More than likely, this is a case of the EPs micromanaging the parts of the process they like best, and feel like they're focusing on making each episode the best it can be. Either way, there's nobody left who has any narrative accountability for the season as a whole. Your basic trees v. forest issue that is the scourge of all management."
Jackie: "Maybe. Mostly it pisses me off because we're all such terrific actors."
Things get real, and it's quite satisfying: Essentially Gloria is covering for her because she doesn't want them coming after her or her department, but knows damn well this whole thing started even before Eddie got fired and that it's Jackie who is the problem. She tries to spread blame around -- Sam's always talking about addiction; Kelly is an unknown quantity -- but Gloria's in a pretty understandable position and trying to get everybody out alive. Jackie respects this, but asks that Gloria keep quiet about it. Which, of course, she will. Jackie suddenly intuits who's to blame, and gets a righteous smile on her face, and takes off to wreak some vengeance, and Gloria just kind of sighs and lets her go.
Jackie yells at everybody for awhile; continues to itch.
EMERGENCY
Patient Two: "I got beat up for bothering people about the Madagascar lemur, because anybody with a clipboard deserves what they get."
Zoey: "I sort of have a crush on you or something, except not really. This is that episode where Lenny and I consider our relationship from various angles. A fresh new take."
Jackie, in Eleanor's face: "You told everybody I was a huge drug addict!"
Eleanor: "Stop it. Right now. We are at work."
Jackie: "ITCHING."
Eleanor: "Seriously, you are crossing it."
They both start crying and Eleanor orders Jackie out of the room. It's like the first time Jackie's just plain fucked up, and she's like a rat in a cage, and it's a powerful moment because you feel like you're actually allowed to side against Jackie this time. I sure hope Eleanor doesn't hold this shit against her in forthcoming episodes!
Zoey: "Everything okay?"
Eleanor: "Stay the fuck out of it. There are dimensions to this conflict that would melt your face like the Lost Ark."
Zoey: "I don't think so."
Eleanor: "I know, and that is one of the things that is great about you usually, but in this case it's about getting everybody out alive, so drop it."
Zoey: "I literally cannot."
They both start crying and Eleanor orders Zoey out of the room. To her credit, Zoey does a very chill maneuver where she's totally losing it, but just orders -- in a pretty Jackie fashion -- Kelly to take over for her without explaining, babbling or otherwise Zoeying out. Probably the best moment in the whole episode (although the ending is pretty killer too).
NURSES' STATION
Thor, verbatim: "Just so you know, Jackie came out of there more calm on the outside/pissed on the inside than I've ever seen her, and now you in tears? Used to like O'Hara. After this, not so much."
Zoey sweetly and grownuply explains that she is currently losing her shit because Eleanor and Jackie are fighting again, and they are the only stars by which her ship is sailed. Just tears pouring down and for once you feel like she's not overdramatizing: It really is painful for her to see. Such a good woman, Zoey Barcow.
Sam: "My money's on O'Hara."
Thor: "Your money's no good here!"
Sam, who knows: "Dude, having Jackie mad at you is about the harshest feeling in the world. So I feel bad for her."
Everybody feels bad for Eleanor when you put it that way.
Coop, with stunning self-insight: "Why do you feel bad for O'Hara? She's a doctor! With awesome shoes! And a towncar! And an accent!"
Zoey: "Jackie's mad at her."
Coop, flipping a chart closed perfectly: "I feel bad for her."
Thor, of course, is on Jackie's side no matter what. So cute without the braces. And the whole time he's like stitching this lady up and the lady seems just marginally interested in what they're talking about, in that on-the-subway way you do.
Coop: "Team O'Hara. And it's not because she's a doctor. Good-looking people have to stick together."
Eleanor appears, looking jacked up inside, and they all stare as she passes without speaking. Lenny comes running in, consumed with being the cutest boy in the entire world, and brings in a little boy who is stuck in a chair. Despite Lenny's request that nobody laugh at the little boy, Cooper-Duper loses it. A doctor who didn't recognize him from Fantasy Football looks down her nose at him, to no avail.
ELSEWHERE
Eleanor tosses the still hissin' and spittin' Jackie in her office, and explains in a fairly stormy but heartbroken way that she is bitching up the wrong tree. Not that she wouldn't have reasons to tattle on Jackie, but it's only Jackie's messed-up take on reality this week that keeps it from being clear that if Eleanor ever did tattle on Jackie, the entire universe would fall apart just like Zoey thinks.
Eleanor: "Sit down and shut up. If I had any interest in having you pulled off the floor I'd have done it ages ago... You nipped an MRI from a cripple. And before I could catch my breath, your husband had dragged me into a whirlwind of panic because you got sloppy. I don't talk about it because I don't like talking about it. And I know full well that if I did start talking about it you'd go so far underground that no one would hear your cry for help, if in fact one day you need it. What I expect from you, what I demand right now, is the benefit of the doubt. I've said nothing. And I've been asked."
I don't know how you're supposed to even watch this show without being in love with Eleanor O'Hara, but if ever there were doubt? Not only is it a great speech, and more forthright than anybody ever is, but it's the perfect way to defuse the ticking bomb of Jackie. Eleanor's the only one that seems to understand just how fast Jackie's head thinks, and if you contrast this speech to Jackie's blurred-speedy rants (i.e., the nonsense that she spouted at Kevin in the season opener) you can see that Eleanor is more than up to the challenge. One of Jackie's tools is throwing so many words at a thing that you go numb, just like Grace's issue is having too many thoughts happening at once; Eleanor is speaking her language but also telling the truth, which makes it ten times more powerful.
Jackie goes quiet. It's a stunning moment, as the truth dawns across her face and she realizes the depth of Eleanor's love for her: That she is not half as good at fooling people as she thinks she is, that Eleanor has justified all of this as being "sloppy," that her addiction is a factory-standard part of her that Eleanor has accepted even though she hates it... It's as close to a religious moment as you're likely to get, with or without God crawling around in the ceiling. The awful, awesome sudden realization of how much and how deeply you are loved. Most of us could wait a lifetime.
Jackie, back on Team Cats & Dogs: "It's just so humiliating. All of a sudden I can't dispense meds. Everybody knows what that means."
Eleanor, of course: "So stick with me, I'll administer anything I prescribe. Meanwhile let's figure out who went to HR and [quote] burn their playhouse down, yes?"
So I guess that this is coming off the Kelly thing before? Where he went to HR of his own volition and told them he handed the patches off to a guy or something. That's the only time HR has come up. So now you got HR poking around, and Gloria's only step is to do this to Jackie. I still don't get how Jackie's name came into it, unless that was just Gloria being sensible and HR still has no idea... But that's double-sucky in the long run, if that's true, because what if the drug thefts stop now?
Zoey: "Are you guys still fighting?"
Both of them, adorably: "You betcha. Very much so."
Zoey, whispering: "We need your help with a patient. Dr. Cooper... Is useless..."
The terrible concept of Coop knowing anything about this; Jackie's sudden realization that Eddie knew before she did and couldn't fill Grace's Xanax. News of this, if not the ramifications quite yet, horrify Eleanor almost as much as the rat-attack from earlier.
There's something here about admission, like, while a problem is always a problem, life is easier until you admit the problem. Grace was stuck in a cage with a clearly marked exit, until she asked for the drugs. Jackie always knew that Eleanor had the capacity of "finding out," bringing her to ground, which made her a sort of comforting wall she'd never really brush up against, but always technically could. Somebody to pull the chute.
But it turns out Rock Bottom is a moving target, and to find out that Eleanor (and Gloria) are and have been actively covering for her... Is that worse, do you think, than the intervention itself? In some ways it feels like Eleanor herself just got hit by a truck, because we can't rely on her -- Eleanor, who knows Jackie better than any person on earth including Kevin -- to ever betray her to the angels. It's sweet and sour. Mostly bitter.
PATIENT TWO
Dylan, adorably: "Hey, Dad! Look what I did!"
Dad, also adorably: Kisses his son's forehead, tickled.
He asks what goes on in the mind of an eleven-year-old. It's all Jackie wants to know right now.
GLORIA'S OFFICE
Gloria, finding Coop alone in her office listening to a white-noise machine: "NO."
Coop starts with the news about Thor's braces, which is kind of cute, and then transitions into how he wants to reserve the Chapel for his imaginary wedding, which he has decided will take place on his birthday, essentially because dudes are, well, gross. Romance is the death of so much good in this world, like this, when they imagine this perfect life and then try to slot you into the spot that they've determined is you-shaped. That shit gives my stomach a migraine.
Coop: "I'm getting married! Why aren't people talking about this?"
Gloria sees her opening, as they discuss the Chapel, to get her saints back. A nudge and a little Fosse jazz-handing, and boom: Coop's convinced that his wedding depends on getting the statues back from Staten Island. And of course, because his entire life is this ongoing attempt to impress a nonexistent audience, he's more than happy to pay whatever it takes. To bribe the Holy Roman Empire, with Gloria in charge. So much amazing.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THE MADAGASCAR LEMUR
For about a hundred years.
Zoey, cute: "I hate the industrialized world! Also, I have a Kindle."
She goes from kinda flirting to full-on, and the guy couldn't be cuter, so it's weird.
NURSE'S STATION
Coop, for real: "Hey Thor! Wanna pick out engagement rings with me after work?"
Thor: "I'm still stuck on the whole O'Hara thing and supporting Jackie."
Team O'Hara: "Team Jackie sucks!"
Jackie, appearing: "Stop talking about me."
There's more Doctor Day discussion about the fantasy football stuff, lots of shit-talking and whatever, I don't really understand this pastime, and then Lenny comes in and sees Zoey macking on Lemur Guy, and this:
Jackie: "Zoey, are you flirting?"
Zoey, behind the curtain: "No!"
Lenny checks out the situation.
Zoey: "Kyle is a lemur advocate."
Kyle: "Actually, I collect signatures to halt deforestation. I'm not so much pro-lemur as I am anti-big business."
Lenny: "Yeah, fuck the lemurs. I'm sure they can handle the bulldozers."
Zoey: "Lenny..."
Stay out of the cute boy fight! Make them fight for a million years! Zoey admits, after a territorial kiss on the noggin, that Lenny was her boyfriend. They both blush and look away from each other, and though I love Lenny wildly, I must say this lemur advocate is a strong contender.
GLORIA'S OFFICE
Eleanor comes in and sits, listening to Gloria -- wonderfully -- shake down the Catholic Church and finally agree on a total of seven grand for the return of all the saints to All Saints.
Gloria: "He's out of his fucking mind! Probably wants them in small bills!"
Eleanor: "This business with Jackie..."
Gloria: "Off limits. [But] nothing you did set it off, if that's what you're worried about."
Eleanor: "Meh. But points for insight, bro. Anyway, I'd be happy to pitch in on the statues."
Gloria, grinning: "I'd rather gouge Coop."
Having heard for the first time about Coop's wedding, Eleanor gets a crazy idea and heads into his office. The gleeful sort of insanity going on here is a gorgeous thing to behold, although since it's Coop there's a certain pathos to dicking him around at all.
Eleanor: "You're not really working, are you? You're on Facebook or Skype or something, right?"
Coop: "Reading about warts. Gross!"
Eleanor: "Fabulous about the wedding. D'you know, I'm curious though. You and I working together what, five, six years? Here you are on the verge of signing away your willy till death do you part, and you've never asked me out. Not once. Never gave it the old college try. Didn't want to give it a go, eh?"
Coop, of course, is happy to give her a "go," fairly knocking his desk over via awkwardness and boners, and there's a whole marvelous dance of seduction between Eleanor, who exists in like a constant state of seduction, and Cooper who has no idea what the fuck is ever going on, and she gets right in his face and he almost loses consciousness, and he asks her out, and she's like, "Fuck no, dude."
Coop, sadly, mumbling: "Why would you make me ask you out if you were just gonna say no?"
Eleanor, very much in charge of life today: "Ego is ego, my friend."
Coop, still dazed: "Is that Latin?"
I think this is the part where Eleanor realizes that she's just being mean, so she kisses him firmly on the mouth and congratulates him on the wedding and it's so, so good. Then she's out of there.
CHAPEL HALL
Jackie: "No problem, Kevin. I completely understand that, like every episode this season, you are going to disappear for large blocks of time. Luckily I am self-absorbed and in detox so I don't really care that much. Just tell me that we're a family and that Grace isn't going to burn down our entire house with us in it. I need to at least pretend that we are a husband-and-wife team."
Kevin, getting dressed up real pretty, smelling like cologne: "Presume away. Love ya!"
Jackie, on a quick stroll: "Eleanor, I've been nauseous and sweating for a week now because I am in detox."
Eleanor, honestly overjoyed, embracing Jackie Peyton, who allows it: "What a relevant fact you could have shared at any time! That's brilliant."
Jackie: "So I go off pills, and immediately my daughter goes on them plus Akalitus bans me from administering any meds plus my husband is basically just moonlighting at this point. So how come I'm off drugs at all? Everything is gross."
Eleanor: "Or is it just a sign that you're pretty fantastic and the strongest person in the universe?"
Jackie: "Meh."
Eleanor: "Okay, you like trainwrecks and you just told me a very scary true fact and like ten secrets, so how about this one? Went into Coop's office, told him I was wrecked he was getting married, crushed he'd never asked me out, I wasn't even really kidding for a second, and then I kissed him and wished him the best and then the feeling passed."
Jackie, loving it: "That is impressively fucked up."
Eleanor: "I knew you'd enjoy this story."
Jackie: "But if the feeling had not passed you realize I would dump you right here?"
Eleanor: "For real? Coop is the uncrossable line? Coop who is barely even a person? That's where the ship goes down?"
Jackie: "It's Coop."
Eleanor: "Valid."
Eddie: "Jackie, here's Grace's meds. Sorry everything's so weird right now."
Eleanor, grabbing a look: "It's a small number of pills in an incredibly low dose. With her tolerance, she couldn't get high even if she wanted to."
Everybody: Feels weird about being on this sort of medical board made up of the three of them, discussing her functional addiction like it's a real thing and not the lie their entire lives are based around; sweet and sour. Sad faces. Too much truth. They disperse.
CHAPEL
Eleanor enters with the Xanax and hands it off without a word. Jackie stares at the pills and thinks about how she can't even properly use them anyway so it's like life is actually real. Kelly comes in and joins her, and Jackie looks at him the eyes like they're both people.
Jackie: "Would you cover for me? I'd like to slip out early, have dinner with my kids."
Kelly: "Sure. If it makes life easier, yeah."
It's the only thing he could have said, at the only time he possibly could have said it, to make her drop the attitude with him. As much as knowing how many words it takes, also important is knowing to stay on your side of the line, say as little as possible. The respect of not caring, sometimes.
GRACE
Grace, sitting at the foot of the Peytons' bed: "How long till I feel it?"
Jackie: "I don't know, baby. It's different for different people. You've never taken anything before, so it shouldn't be long. How are you feeling right now?"
Grace: "It's like I'm on the edge of having ten ideas, all at once, only... Maybe I don't have to have them. Like I could say Freeze, and walk right up to them, and see if I want to let them in or not. I don't think they're ever gonna go away, but... If I don't want to think them, I don't have to."
Jackie: "No. You don't."
Grace, smiling: "My heart is moving... A little slower."
She grins at her mother; she grins as she realizes she can't even really tell if anything's happening. Not really. She smiles, at peace. Jackie nods, knowing, and you can see the ways they're tied together. It's so bright, suddenly, after three years of darkness, the space between them. These two geniuses, ten thoughts a second, a million thoughts at once; two burning-hot saints finding a port in a storm. Just for a second. Just for now.
Grace's real burden was never her mother's faults. Not the cheating, not the drugs, not the armor that closes her up like a fan. It's been a game of misdirection, what goes on in the mind of an eleven-year-old. The only thing more terrifying than your mother's weakness is her strength.
Grace is attended by the same angels, tested just as harshly; just as close to the fire, and just as close to the moon; carrying the same sword, fighting the same dragon. Something she never knew, until she sat here at the foot of the Peyton bed, watching her daughter wait for peace. Knowing it never stays for long.