By Jacob
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So Mohammad's gone. Actually not as huge a problem as you might expect -- and he is beautiful and talented as we know, not to mention his budget-cut disappearance adds yet more to administrator Akalitus's full plate of drama, not to mention more Thor -- due to budget cuts. Zoey's still around and still being amazing. Who else do we care about? Thor has a diabetic freakout that threatens his job and makes Akalitus even more scary than previously, but that's not a huge point.
Actually, nothing that happens is a huge point. It's a nice, relaxing hug from the most unnerving show on television, that resets our counter and tells us what's up. What's up is, the whole big suicidal addiction binge hangover cliffhanger is not a huge problem -- and in fact the first third of the episode, you can be forgiven for thinking is a dream sequence, is how not a problem it is. Things really are that idyllic -- except for the sexist broheim Jackie fells mightily at the taco stand during their vacation.
So it's three months after last season, and Jackie and her husband take a lovely minibreak to the seaside with Fiona (still nuts and awesome) and Grace (still nuts and ... nuts), and then go back to life as usual. Eddie the Pharmacist/Boyfriend shows up, first in a what-if hallucination at the Shore and then as an actual suicidal nutso jerkoff patient in Jackie's ER. He says out loud that he tried to kill himself to get Jackie's attention, and Jackie is understandably grossed out and points out that he's a pharmacist and knows damn well exactly how much Dumbass Drug he should take. So Eddie's about how you would expect after finding out his gorgeous brilliant girlfriend has a secret life with kids and all.
Back at the hospital, Zoey is doing what she can to cover for the zero things she knows about Jackie's horrific unprofessional shit. Thor is being adorable and becoming the new confessional homo. That cute junkie nurse that Jackie kicked out last year has become hotter than Mo-Mo and Coop put together, and possibly hotter than all human persons. And has come back sober and in recovery, which makes him Jackie's ideological enemy and paw-thorn in a way that pales between Coop's darling attempt to be her real nemesis by tattling to Akalitus about her general bossiness. And whom, of course, continues to be a paragon of awesome. As much as I loved Akalitus before, I have to say... Somebody tonight said, "You love Zoey on the show and would hate her in real life... But same is true for Akalitus. You scream about her on the show -- fantastic and beautiful as she is -- but in real life you would shrimp her toes." And it occurs to me that this explains a lot.
As does youngest daughter Fiona, speaking of paragons of awesome, and shrimp, who snaps a photo of a raccoon skull on the beach and immediately sends it to Eleanor, who knows as we all should that it's the most perfect possible gift, and is so moved that her dead mom's cliffhanger is resolved by her determination to establish college funds for both girls, and become godmother to one -- "I don't care who" -- both of which Kevin, I'm sure, will bitch about.
All in all, a wonderful reintroduction to the fabulous, hilarious, delightful, dark characters that populate this wonderful universe: Everybody from Perfectly Imperfect Jackie to Adorably For-Real Thor and Zoey, to the Hot As Hell new guy being Jackie's awful mirror to Eddie half-dead and Kevin half-Kevin and Eleanor striking new deals every second with the Peyton girls... It was an okay story, but it was a fucking fabulous reminder of why this is the awesomest show. Everybody on the most amazing behavior.
Just the usual half-hour of "we all miss Xena" action -- lesbians being hardcore/lesbians are righteous and justice/lesbians emotionally processing that we've come to expect and love. In a word, awesome plus hot bears and hot boys, and amazing writing about addiction and marriage that the world has never seen... But with Burt Bacharach to boot! How did they know!? That is the perfect thing!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jackie goes from flat on her back full of drugs to a blanket at the seashore while "I Say A Little Prayer" plays, three months later. However she made it up to Eleanor for leaving her to deal with her mom, however she managed to get up off that floor with the rats and the hallucinations, we don't see but we can assume that she did it the same way she does everything, which is with the Addict Skillz. I don't feel cheated by the whole cliffhanger thing, because first of all that's exactly the kind of thing this show doesn't do well, but mostly because that's her whole life.
That's what addiction is: An ongoing lack of dramatic conclusions, resolution; a continuing search for, and fear of, a change that never comes. If somebody had found her on that floor with her broken finger and the rats, if somebody had called her out on the Pyxis theft, if somebody had told Kevin she was cheating on him, if somebody could just look closely enough to figure out how sick she really is, then she would have to be an Addict and if she were known as an Addict then she would have to stop using drugs. And that cannot be allowed to happen. Her life is built around hiding from anything that would dramatically change the course she's set for herself. Addicts are the kings of very tiny kingdoms.
Jackie and Kevin are adorable at the seashore, and very much in love, and Grace is of course washing her hands with soap -- because I don't know if you know this but the beach is just sand and sand is just dirt -- because she's a little weirdo. Meanwhile, Fiona's obsessing on this rotting raccoon head: "I don't know, but it's really good... I think it's a head!" She borrows Jackie's phone to take a picture, and then makes Jackie mail it to somebody whom I'm assuming is Eleanor. Fiona is still the awesomest and Jackie's interactions with her are still the adorablest.
And Grace is still the suckiest, refusing to talk to Jackie or acknowledge her at all, and refusing to eat french fries because the workers aren't wearing gloves... I mean, I know she's crazy and that's sad and everything, but God she's a drag. Even Jackie is like, "This is getting old." She looks over toward the beach, and there's Eddie standing there -- looking really cute, actually -- and she blinks and feels nuts, and then of course it's some other guy and she's just hallucinating the specter of her fling because it's still hanging over her life: Knowing that at any moment Eddie could pop up and dramatically alter the course of her tiny kingdom.