In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Kate O'Hare at Zap2It is reporting that this season will only have 20 episodes, rather than a full 22, and ABC will air the season one (and only?) finale on Tuesday, April 5. Kate, you don't even know me, and my birthday isn't 'til Friday, anyhow. You sweet thing.
Seriously, I know this is Television Without Pity, but I don't want to see anyone out of a job. And since Charlie Sheen has recently brought it to my attention with the tiger-Adonis-F18 eye beams he's been shooting at me every time I turn on the TV (or even walk by it when it's off), I really don't want to see the crew lose days of work.
Oh, this is a recaplet. Right. Well, Charlie Sheen is topical. He gets a shout-out in this episode, in which the show brings in some big sci-fi/fantasy actors to spice things up: Xena, Six and poor dead Jesse from Buffy (and recently Nathan from SyFy's surprisingly decent summer show, Haven). Here, Xena is Ms. X (ha), and she assigns Six... er, that is, Sophie Adler to enthrall Jim and George until they're addled (see that they did there?) enough to do her bidding, which involves stealing a lot of cough syrup. Why she couldn't enthrall someone at the pharmacy, instead, is beyond me. Meanwhile, Chris is starting to suspect something is up with the Powell family, so Daphne psychically pushes him to avoid the subject.
Stephanie has to inject poor dead Jesse from Buffy with the secret serum to keep Dr. King from suspecting her. Later, she and Jim have a double date with George and Sophie. Jim is suspicious of Sophie's hold on George until she kisses him, too. Jim later tells Stephanie that Sophie is the most beautiful woman in the world. Sadly, Stephanie only has super speed, not super strength, so she can't beat him senseless. This plot is a bomb. Literally. Ms. X is using Sophie to influence supers so that they can blow up Global Tech. Seems Ms. X is not pleased with the work the evil Dr. RevCam King has been doing there. True love wins out over super-pheromones. With just a kiss, Stephanie stops Jim from doing Sophie's dirty work. And Daphne finally comes clean with Chris about her abilities.
TiVo is telling me that week, we're getting a rerun: "No Ordinary Detention." I'll be back tomorrow with the weecap. In the meantime, please grade the episode up top, and come join the discussion down in our show thread.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, and see the ineffectual TV superheroes the Powells wish they were.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jim: Where is she?
Katie: I don't know. She should be here right now. Recapper, where are you?
Stephanie: Let me take a look. ZOOOoooooooooop. I'm back. She was just sitting at her desk, not typing.
Recapper: Sorry, everyone. I'm a little... stuck.
Jim: Why are you stuck?
Recapper: Well, I... uh.
Daphne: She's stuck because she liked this episode.
JJ: Against these astonishing odds?
Recapper: Yeah, I did. I saw metaphor and I liked it. I saw Xena, Six and Jesse, and I liked them. Punny character names. I liked it a lot.
Darla: I remember Jesse. He was delicious.
Recapper: Oh, that's right. You two go way back, but you have to be Stephanie, now.
Darla: Damn it. Fine.
Stephanie: You happy now?
Recapper: Yes. Who wants to start off.
Katie: I've got it. What with Joshua and I breaking up and everything, I do better if I keep busy, which, coincidentally, is how we open the episode. It's Game Night at the Powell Pad, and even though I'm smarter than everyone in the room...
JJ: Ahem.
Katie: Fine. Even though I'm smarter than almost everyone in the room, I am completely clueless to the fact that these people aren't enjoying Game Night. Why aren't you enjoying Game Night?
Jim: Because it's a Pity Game Night. Oh, there's my phone. Bless your timing, George. Yes. Someone's stealing a basket full of cough syrup? Clearly this is a job for a superhero. How do you do that eye-roll emoticon?
Recapper: Usually, I do @_@, but some of my friends do @@. Take your pick.
Jim: I like the version with the underscore. So yeah, cough syrup robbery in progress? Of course the cops can't handle something that dangerous. @_@. Up, up and away!
Recapper: Jim blocks the road with his very own person. The thief, whose name is Jonah Stevens, crashes his car into Jim and wrecks it. Jim punches through his windshield and knocks him out before the cops arrive on the scene. Stevens is not the kind of guy who looks like he'd be stealing cough syrup to cook up some crystal meth. And oh my word, speaking of meth, did you see Winter's Bone? I watched it over the weekend. I can't think about it too much or I start quoting Ecclesiastes What a bleak, bleak film.
George: Yo, let's speed it up. So the day at the precinct, Jim mentions how Stevens doesn't seem like a meth user or dealer. I tell Jim not to sweat it. He's done his job. Now it's time to do mine, which is going to be easy, because this is an open-and-shut case. We've even got video. The cops caught him with the goods. Eventually, Jim leaves, and the thing I know, I'm working with... JJ and it's two days later. What?
Recapper: Oh, right. Um, can someone take George's story for him.
JJ: I've got it. So once my dad leaves, Sophie Adler walks in and introduces herself to George. She wants to discuss Jonah's case. He's not inclined to do so until she shakes his hand and blasts him with pheromones...
Recapper: Magical, super-powered sparkly pheromones, which we shall call sparklemones!
JJ: Thank God I didn't meet her. Can you imagine? With my teenaged hormones and her sparklemones, I'd have been a goner. I should mention, Sophie is played by Tricia Helfer (Six/Caprica/Gina from Battlestar Galactica). Anyhow, that night, Dad skips out on our Katie-comforting Spartacus marathon...
Recapper: Is your mother letting you kids watch that?
Darla: Yep!
Recapper: Tsk. You really need to be Steph when you're with the kids.
Darla: Do you even know what I am?
The Master: A woman of some property. No husband. No inheritance. Yes. I know what you are.
Darla: I'm a whore.
The Master: Well, yes, that too. You should have asked for a priest long ago, child. Your life may have been the better for it.
Recapper: Wait just a darned minute. See, you are not being fair. Although this is a pretty fun episode, you know I'd rather be watching either Buffy or Angel, but I've got a job to do.
Buffy: Besides, Fruit-Punch Face, I ground your bones to make my bread.
Recapper: My hero.
The Master: Wolfram and Hart brought Darla back in that magical box. Maybe they brought me back, too. You don't know my possible second unlife.
Buffy: But I know your impending death. [Buffy stakes the Master, and this time he goes poof, and does not leave around that disturbing skeleton.] There. That's better.
Darla: What's she doing here?
Buffy: Cindy's in trouble, vampbitch, and I help the hopeless, or possibly the helpless.
Angel: This is my verse, hello!
Darla and Buffy: ANGEL!
Recapper: Enough. Bring Stephanie back, now.
Buffy: Agreed. I hate that Darla chick. But um... how do we do it?
Angel: Beats me.
Willow: Oh for crying out loud. All you need to do is tweak the Algurian Body-Switching Spell, and you're good to go. Or she's good to go. She goes away, which is good. Right? It's easier if I just do it. Mumble mumble. Ta dah!
Recapper: Thanks, Will! Okay you three, go out into the kitchen and get yourself some milk and cookies. I'll join you when I'm done.
Angel: I've been waiting to eat warm, delicious cookies for quite a few years, now.
Buffy: Dirty!
Willow: I'll get them out of here. TTYL. Presto change-o, it's time to go.
Recapper: Those crazy kids. Where were we?
Stephanie: Where was I?
Recapper: You don't want to know. JJ, please continue.
JJ: So dad's at the lair when George gets home. He's talking ragtime.
George: Like tiger's blood and Adonis DNA?
JJ: Oh no, man. Not that bad. We'd get you to hospital if you were like that, no matter what it took. No, it's just that the case you declared "open and shut" this morning -- now you're saying you're going to drop it. And you're more interested in your date than in my dad, which is... normal for other people, but weird for you.
George: I'll say.
JJ: So you bring Six some roses when you pick her up for her date. But she sparklemones that she's got one little thing she needs you to do first. The thing you know, you're holding up a pharmacy and stealing more cough syrup. And if this woman has this power, couldn't she have just used it to influence a male pharmacist to sell or give her however much she needs?
Recapper: Shhhh. Don't, JJ. I know that part is dumb, but I still like this episode. I mean, she's named Adler and she addles men's minds with her sparklemones. And Lucy Lawless is coming...
JJ: She's topless on Spartacus. And she...
Recapper: Hush, JJ. Don't talk like that to grown-ups. It's yucky. And my point was that her character's name on NOF is Ms. X -- you know, like "X is for Xena." And I like that the writers went meta with the mention of the Spartacus marathon. This episode is... fun!
Stephanie: Is that why you're so slow in writing it up? Clock's a-ticking.
Recapper: Maybe you should take over and zoop through some of this.
Stephanie: I thought you'd never ask. So anyhow, while George is robbing a pharmacy, Jim hears a call come over the scanner. And you know what? They should have given him flight capability, because I have a hard time believing he can jump so accurately or quickly. Does he have a GPS in his head? He doesn't get there before George takes off, but he makes a sketch based on the clerk's description, which includes George's suit and tie. Now George had asked for Jim's opinion on ties while getting ready for his date, so Jim's suspicious, but George reminds him he was out on a date with the "hottest alibi ever." Ugh. The guys then make plans for us to go on a double date.
Daphne: You know, I have a story, too.
Recapper: I know you do, but since it's sort of the same thing over and over, I thought I'd wait.
Daphne: So you're ignoring me because it was redundant?
Recapper: No. It was comical, and ultimately sweet. Don't worry. We'll get there.
Stephanie: Anyhow, and meanwhile, Dr. King is testing my loyalty. He asks me to inject a prisoner with some of the secret serum. I have my doubts, but I know I have to go through with it. Besides, he's currently dying of Stage 4 lymphoma, and he's only in prison for kiting checks.
Dr. King: I totally made up that last part. Of course he's a murderer. Muahahahahahahaha.
Jesse: You clowns are bibbling idiots this week. And hey, Recapper, on this show, my name is Lucas Winnick. And when I'm on Haven, my name is Duke, not Nathan, as you mistakenly said in the recaplet. Nathan's the stoic good boy. I'm the dangerously sexy bad guy.
Recapper: Oh, sorry. See, that's why you're just going to be Jesse to me, because you're always Jesse to me. I called you that when you were on 24. I think "Jesse's online" when I read your Tweets. Just deal. Besides, once Lawless shows up, I'm totally calling her "Xena." And she's a way bigger star than you.
Jesse: That was a little... blunt.
Recapper's Husband: Oh, Jesse, why the long face?
Recapper: I love you, honey.
Stephanie: What is your major malfunction this week? Finish this thing.
Recapper: Sorry. Continue.
Stephanie: So, George, Six, Jim and I go out to celebrate George and Six's "Day-iversary." @_@. Jim and I do not like this girl, mostly because she's convinced George to order lobster, even though he's deathly allergic to shellfish. And that really makes no sense. I mean, she can have lobster, even if he can't. I found that part of the story embarrassing. At least, I found it embarrassing that once Six learns that George is deathly allergic, she doesn't have the wherewithal to pretend, in front of his friends, that she doesn't want him to die. It's like she's asking to get caught, except this isn't a story about her asking to get caught.
Recapper: I know. I mean, they had to find a way to tip you and Jim off that something was up, but there had to be a better way. That scene is one of the two reasons this episode didn't earn an A- grade.
Writers: We were going to get something in the A range?
Recapper: I know, right? But you were. I can't overstate how much I like this episode.
Stephanie: Honey, you really kind of already are. Let me finish now. So, George and Six leave, but then she comes back to our table, ostensibly to apologize, but really just to sparklemone all over my husband. One minute, he hates her; the minute, he is smitten. And the day, the son of a bitch shows up at Six's sex palace with a dozen red roses, and tells her he can't stop thinking about her. And then George shows up with white roses. The guys start to fight, but with Jim's super-strength it's over as soon as he throws George across the room and into a wall.
Six: So of course, I'm thrilled to have addled Jim. I ask him to bring me MRE kits, because I need the things that warm them up. Jim infiltrates a military base, gets shot at, deflects the bullets, bends a rifle and knocks out the guard, and gets the goods. He's a way better pawn than George.
George: If I could remember any of this, I don't know if I'd be relieved or insulted by that.
Stephanie: George, get away from her. And shut up, sparlkemoner! So anyhow, my husband gets home late. He won't tell me where he's been, ignores me to take a call (from Six, but he pretends it's George) and dashes out again.
Daphne: But I hear his thoughts and realize he's going over to Six's, so I tell mom.
[Editor: Did Six tell him to go home after stealing the heating units? Why not have him bring them over immediately? Oh, right, so that there'd be a way for Daphne to clue in Steph. ]
Stephanie: Right, I zoop over there, and when Jim delivers the MREs, that bitch kisses my man, right in front of a big window in her sex palace. I'm down on the sidewalk, watching the whole thing and crying. Back at home, we have it out. Well, I do. Jim just acts like I'm his sister and he needs to be with Six, who he's already told me is the most beautiful woman in the world. He's just abandoning me and the kids for this woman he's known for, what? A half a minute?!!!!!
Dr. King: At work, Stephanie is really distracted, and I have the hots for her, so I make my move, because I am so suave.
Recapper: Yeah, except you really weren't. Your come-on was cringeworthy.
Jesse: Yeah, dude, it was. Lucky for you, I wake up, and you two have to attend to me. Darla lies and says that the secret serum will make my life better.
Michael Oher: MY NAME IS KENNY AND HER NAME IS STEPHANIE.
Jesse: Whatever, Blind Side.
Steph: I think Michael Oher has a point. You should refer to me as Stephanie or, better yet, Dr. Powell. I know it's not fair that all you guys get your old character names and I don't, but you saw that mess back there with all the Whedon-verse characters. There's no time for any more of that.
Jesse: I'm done for now, anyhow, but point taken.
Xena: Anyhow, I'm the biggest name on this show, except for maybe Chiklis. And here I come in my black limo. I ask Six if she's got someone to deliver a package to Dr. RevCam King. He's creating way too many supers and must be stopped. Six says she has everything under control, but that doesn't mean I won't threaten her. I mean, I do not forget being boxed on BSG. That's not happening here, sister.
Six: But that wasn't me. Was it?
Xena: I can't remember. What with being shoved in a box. I'm just sayin'...
Six: FINE. Whatever. Chill. I've got this.
George: Meanwhile, Jim comes and crashes at my place. I can't remember anything that's happened for the past two days, so Jim tells me how he's fallen in love with my new girlfriend whom I can't even remember, and that he's left Steph and the kids for her. This makes no sense. Jim would never do such a thing. So eventually, I go to JJ to figure it out. And the kid is pretty smart. He assumes Jim is under the thrall of synthetic pheromones. I mean sure, eventually we find out they're organic, super-powered pheromones, but still. When we raid Six's place, we find this lab, and JJ realizes she's building a bomb.
Stephanie: And while Six is getting Jim to plant a package up on a roof, I've just injected Jesse with the secret serum. George calls me. He can tell Jim is at the same place I am, which is...
Cindy: I don't know. I'm not sure. Call it whatever you want.
Stephanie: Anyhow, I zoop to where Six is with MY MAN. We argue. She wins. Jim jumps up to a roof top. I hiss at Six that true love is more powerful than this pheromone-based thrall, and then zoop up to the roof to save Jim. The son of a bitch blathers on about passion, and he's lucky I don't have super strength.
Jim: Honey, I'm sorry. I don't remember any of this (and wouldn't admit it if I did). I love you. Only you.
Stephanie: I know, but it still hurts. I love you too, honey. Anyhow, she takes his hand, and nice work by the D.P. here, because the shot evokes memories of the sculpture Jim made me for our anniversary.
JJ: That we in no way broke or glued back together.
Stephanie: WHAT?
Daphne: ~~~Mom and Dad, forget what JJ just said. JJ said nothing.~~~
Stephanie: JJ said nothing. I don't know why I just said that, but whatever. I do my best to reawaken Jim's true love for me and for our family, but he starts the timer on the bomb. With only 30 seconds on the clock, I kiss him and he comes back to me. I want to zoop out to the desert with the bomb, but Jim says it's too dangerous, so he throws the bomb up in the air -- and that's where it blows up, so we get fireworks, and I get my man back.
Jim: (And I get off scot free. Sometimes, I love that there are no consequences on this show!)
Six: There are for me. As I'm getting in my car, Xena shows up in her limo. She rolls down the window and I apologize for flubbing the job.
Xena: Right, and although I pretend to accept it and let Six go, I will never forget being boxed on BSG. When she gets in her car, the camera pans to the car's undercarriage, where there is a bomb (C4, I think). Six starts the car and boom! She's dead. So, if I have C4 at the ready, why did I need her to build a cough syrup/MRE bomb to blow up Global Tech or the medical facility or whatever, anyhow? Why couldn't I've just had her addle some guy to plant the C4, rather than calling all this attention to us with these stupid robberies of pharmacies and military bases? Nobody knows. And nobody cares.
Recapper: Damn, Xena. You catch on quick.
Xena: I'm hot, smart and not ashamed to be topless at my age.
Recapper: I don't get Starz, but I did read about it at HuffPo. Good for you. Welcome to the show.
Xena: Can I save it? I am ridiculously awesome, so there's a chance.
Recapper: Maybe. Only save it if it starts deserving it, though. Okay?
Xena: Of course. That's part of my awesomeness.
Daphne: Um... you're awesome. She's awesome. Everyone's awesome. Can it be my turn now?
Recapper: Actually, this is a great time for your story. Go ahead.
Daphne: Finally. So Chris and I get to class late one day and the teacher is going to give him a week of detention, because it's his third time being tardy. He can't stay after school or he'll lose his job, so I give her a psychic push and she lets him off with a warning.
Chris: My girlfriend is so cool. But yeah, so that happens and I start to put two and two together, and I'm really surprised I didn't do that in the episode where my father turned into a supervillain. I feel kinda dumb, but what are you going to do.
Daphne: Don't blame yourself, Chris. The writers are always making us dumber than we'd like.
Steph: Preach it.
Daphne: Later Chris comes right out and asks if my family has super powers, so I push him to change the subject. Oh, and now I see why you had me wait. It's not going to be as funny in writing as it was on the show.
Recapper: I recapped a sitcom, once. I know now when some stuff just isn't going to translate.
Daphne: So that happens about a bajillion times during the episode. I can't keep this pushing up. JJ explains that when I'm pushing, I don't make the memories go away, I just make Chris avoid them, but they're going to keep coming back to him. Now, I think I'm probably capable of more -- stuff like Joshua did to me, but we're not going there, at least not yet. So at the end, Chris and I are at the house. He once again asks if we're supers, and I just tell him the truth. I tell him specifically about my abilities and rather than being freaked, he's touched.
Chris: Nobody has ever let me in like that, man. I am so going to end up screwing her over on this point, aren't I? I don't want to. I am really falling for her.
Recapper: Chin up, kid. The season has been shortened by two episodes, and really, what are the chances that this show will be picked up year?
Chris: Will we get canceled while Daphne's still a virgin?
Daphne: That would suck. Save me, Xena!
Recapper: Aw, you kids are making me misty. I'll take the end of the episode. The day, Steph goes to check on Jesse and the orderly tells her he's gone. He hopes he's back in prison on death row, from whence he came, because the guy is a cold-blooded murderer.
Stephanie: Dammit, Dr. King!
Dr. King: Muahahahahahahahahahaaa! I'm in my office with our little experiment now. He's grateful for his health, and for his super-power -- which is fricking claws that he can extend from his fists, at will!
Jesse: This is awesome! I want to know what I have to do for all this.
Dr. King: I tell him I will call on him when necessary.
Jesse: What could possibly go wrong? Besides everything. I mean, I know I'm a murderer, but this guy is a super-creep. That's his actual power -- super-creepiness.
Xena: Don't fret, young Jesse of Longjaw. As you exit Global Tech, I pull up in my long black limousine, call you by name, imply I know all about you, even your powers, and make you an offer you can't refuse, because I'm Xena. I have an opening, as an employee just had to be "terminated." I'm sure you'll have no trouble "clawing" your way to the top of my organization. Grrrrrrowwwwwllllll.
Jesse: She's hot. She knows everything about me, and she doesn't freak me out the way that King guy does, so when she tells me to hop in, I hop in. I mean she's freaking Xena!
Recapper: I know, right?
Darla: Xena, Xena, Xena. I am way more badass than Xena.
Recapper: Oh crap, I've gotta go before this all starts up again. Willow! Help!
Darla: Wait, I'll be good-ish. What were you saying about metaphor.
Recapper: I just really dug the metaphor in Stephanie and Jim's story -- that although lust can sway you, true love is ultimately more powerful (and more wonderful).
Darla: Oh crap, you've gone soft on me. I feel myself turning into...
Stephanie: ME!
Well, everybody, TiVo is telling me that week, we're getting a rerun "No Ordinary Detention." In the meantime, please grade the episode up top, and come join the discussion down in our show thread. I'll see you soon.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, and see the ineffectual TV superheroes the Powells wish they were.
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