In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
First of all, a big thanks to the lovely and talented M. Giant for covering for me last week. Thank you, M. Giant! I was weak and shaky, even though I wasn't withdrawing from Dr. RevCam's secret serum. I really needed to veg out. Your weecap is so good, I have stage fright coming back, so I'm just going to rip off the bandage and go for it.
The story opens with Jim chasing down some random crook. The important thing, to me, is that he's wearing a Boston Red Sox baseball cap. Pitchers and catchers just reported to Fort Myers last week, y'all. I can smell Spring in the air, even though, back in Boston, it's currently colder than a witch's... (oh, I only know a dirty saying for that, and this is a family show, never mind). Michael Chiklis is a Boston boy, as is this week's guest, Anthony Michael Hall. And Chiklis really looks like any guy you'd see wandering the Fenway with his cap and sunglasses. For that matter, Anthony Michael hall looks like a guy you'd see in Charlestown, punching holes in ATMs. I'm sorry. You're not looking to read a Beantown Broadsheet, are you?
Anyhow, when Jim corners Random Thug in an alley, Random Thug shoots at Jim. Jim deflects the bullets, one ricochets straight through a window and wounds a young guy, Jasper, in the gut. Jim beats up Random, tells George (over the BlueTooth) to call the cops (but if the cops don't already know, how does George... oh never mind, this is a recaplet) and then hears Jasper's mom crying and screaming for help. He realizes he's technically at fault for Jasper being wounded, but don't worry. It'll all be wrapped up with the neatest bow ever, by hour's end.
Meanwhile, Joshua proposes to Katie, and it's adorable, but not cloying, because this can't end well. Oh, poor Katie. They're going to make you cry, baby. Jim and Stephanie host an engagement party. Steph has to invite Dr. RevCam King. He and Joshua get up in each other's grills. Someone steals a vial of secret serum that Stephanie has hidden away in her bedroom, after hearing Jim ask Stephanie to administer it to Jasper. The thief is Daphne's good bad boy, Chris Minor. He steals it to heal his father (Anthony Michael Hall), who, you'll recall, was paralyzed in a car accident, when Chris was at the wheel. Dad gets healed all right, and is back to his drunk, abusive, criminal stuff, but now he has super-strength like Jim, and he's bigger and stronger, so Jim has to learn how to bob and weave from George, so that he can outlast Mr. Minor. He does, of course.
Also, Dr. RevCam King shows his Joshua-dossier to Stephanie and tells her that Josh can erase people's memories. Stephanie recalls Daphne's amnesia from a few episodes and Jim hunts him down. He wants to hurt him, but Katie says she can hurt him more. And she can. She gives him back the ring and tells him she doesn't love him. He rides out of town on a bus, like he's Buffy right after she killed Angel, but I'm sorry Joshua. Sarah McLachlan will not be singing "Full of Grace" for you, even though winter here is cold, and bitter.... Oops. I'm getting all Boston-centric again. I'll stop now.
At the episode's end two things happen, the first of which makes my eyes roll back in my head, so please excuse any typos. Jim has been keeping tabs on Jasper's recovery. At the end of the hour, Jasper's mom tells Jim that not only did the doctors successfully remove the bullet -- during the surgery, they also found a tumor so small that they never would have known about it until it was too late, so Jim's careless bullet deflection saved Jasper's life, because there are no consequences, you silly geese. The second thing that happens has the potential to be intriguing. It seems Dr. RevCam King has brought Professor Dick on, as some kind of spy, and used him to gain proof that JJ is a super-genius, by making JJ solve some complicated equation. King hands Dick a wad of cash at episode's end, but no answers. Will Dick keep coming back for more, or will he find the ounce of decency lingering in his angry, shriveled heart? Do we care? Should we?
JJ: Hey, what about my story with Natalie? Why aren't you telling them about that?
Recapper: This is just the recaplet. Scram, kiddo. I've got to leave something to make people want to come back.
JJ: But she said I'm cute. I'm cute. I'm cute!
Recapper: Whatever, Rudolph.
Michael Oher: MY NAME IS KENNY AND HIS NAME IS JJ, BUT I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE WITH THE "I'M CUTE" AND THE RUDOLPH, SO CARRY ON!
Okee dokee artichokees. I'll be back tomorrow with the weecap. In the meantime, please grade the episode up top, and come join the discussion down in our show thread, where I hardly ever talk about Boston.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, and see the ineffectual TV superheroes the Powells wish they were.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!I already mentioned this in the recaplet, but still, I want to thank the lovely and talented M. Giant for covering for me last week. Thank you, M. Giant! You give good weecap. I keep trying to choose a favorite from the names you came up with for the character doubles. It was neck and neck for a while, but in the end, I think Sim edges out the rest, although it only beats Forge by a nose.
Jim: Hey, what was up with last week? We thought you quit.
Recapper: Well, I pretended I did, but only to make myself feel better. I was sick -- weak and shaky.
Joshua: You coming off the secret serum, too?
Recapper: No, but you know, that is how it felt.
Joshua: You think I don't read the recaplets?
Recapper: Aw. Don't be so nice to me, I already feel really conflicted about you, Joshua.
Katie: This is my verse, hello!
Stephanie: I think what Katie's trying to say there is that this is a particularly painful episode for her, and you have not left yourself much time to cover it, so can you get with the zooping?
Recapper: Actually, what Katie is saying there -- doing there -- is quoting a line from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode, but point taken.
George: We should do a musical episode.
Recapper: The Lord is my shepherd. I DO NOT WANT...
Daphne: Guys, stop scaring her. Let's get this show on the road. It features my boyfriend, a lot, so I really like it.
Chris: (I'm not saying anything, but I'm thinking a lot of things right now).
Daphne: I know, Chris.
Chris: What?
Recapper: Okay, who wants to start?
Jim: I've got this. So, I'm chasing down some Random Thug. When I corner him in an alley, he starts shooting at me, but I'm bullet proof...
George: Really, you're more bullet resistant.
[Editor: Except in the back of the head.]
Jim: Whatever. So the bullets are bouncing right off me, and one ricochets right through a window and into some kid's gut. His name is Jasper, which I find out after I disable Random Thug, because I hear Jasper's mother screaming his name and crying for help. Oh my God. Everything is all my fault. I go to the hospital later, posing as one of the EMTs who brought him in and check in with Jasper's mom. The guilt is killing me.
Katie: Oh, didn't we work out your guilt with the overly pat ending? Sheeeeesh. This episode is my angst fest.
Chris: And mine. I mean, at least a little.
Katie: Oh, you poor little thing. Hey, you're kind of cute. I've just recently started having sex and I like it. You're younger than me, but you're...
Daphne: [Pushing Katie with her mind.] ...But he's my boyfriend and you would never, ever, come onto him because you value your relationship with my family, no matter how sex-starved you're going to be.
Katie: You are Daphne's boyfriend and I would never, ever come onto you because I value my relationship with the Powells, no matter how sex-starved I'm going to be.
Jim: What the hell is going on here?
Daphne: [Pushing.] Everyone please forget that last exchange.
JJ: I wish I could, but I can't.
Recapper: You're not alone. But Katie, why don't you take this bit.
Katie: What were we talking about? Oh, who cares. JOSHUA PROPOSES TO ME, and he uses his mind to float and spin the ring while doing so. I don't even let him finish before I accept. I love him so much and I know that our happiness is just going to grow and grow!
Recapper: (I don't want to look, but it's like a train wreck. How can I not?)
Joshua: (I know, right? God, I suck. Someone shoot me.)
Katie: I feel like I'm missing something, but whatever. Later, I tell Stephanie and she senses my unease, so I use a simple analogy to explain it.
Stephanie: Not, exactly. She's talking about wolf tangerines, or something. I can't keep up, or maybe I just don't want to.
Katie: Not wolf tangerines, Wolverine. I'm just a little afraid that if Joshua and I have kids, the babies will be supers. It would totally suck to have a super-toddler.
Recapper: Ah, youth. All toddlers are super-villains, and most are gleefully suicidal supervillains. But um... I don't think you and Joshua are going to have to worry about that.
Katie: WHY?
Recapper: Um, because... um, well, he's only a super because he's on the serum, right?
Katie: Oh, right.
Joshua: (Good cover.)
Recapper: (I know. That was a close one. You're going to break her heart and I know this, but I'll be damned if I am the messenger. Do your own dirty work.)
Joshua: (God, I suck. Someone shoot me.)
Daphne: Anyhow, Mom and Dad throw an engagement party for Katie and Joshua. I stop by the Minors' to invite Chris, and at first, he's not going to come, because he has to take care of his tremendously horrible father.
Chris: Yeah, but then my father gets so nasty, I'm all like, "Eff him, I'm going to the party." Which I guess is now? This timing seems weird.
Recapper: You forgot the most important part.
Chris: I did?
Recapper: Yeah. Your father is played by Boston homeboy Anthony Michael Hall of The Breakfast Club and general Brat Pack fame.
Jim: Oh, wow, that is him. How the hell is he bigger than me?
Recapper: In the show thread, MarkHB suggests the regimen involves steroids wrapped in bacon. I'ma go with that.
Recapper's Kids: Mmmmmmmmm BACON. Mommy, we want BACON. We want BACON now. BACON BACON BACON.
Recapper: Kids, begging for bacon while I'm working is not kosher.
Recapper's Kids: Groan
JJ: You know puns are the lowest form of humor, right?
Recapper: You know the writing-- sorry. Let's just get back to the story.
Stephanie: You don't have time for this. I'm taking the reins. So we have the engagement party. During it, Jim pulls me aside to discuss Jasper's gunshot wound. He wants me to administer some secret serum to the kid, so he'll heal, but we can't interfere like that. Unbeknownst to us, Chris is lurking in the hallway, hears the whole thing and later, once we've left our bedroom, the little bugger sneaks in and steals the hypo full of serum that I have in my nightstand, and there's some whole really, really poor explanation for why I'd have it there. I respect you too much to repeat it.
Recapper: Bless. I'd just like to point out that the audience can tell someone is lurking, but we don't know it's Chris. Okay, we actually do, I mean, the show doesn't reveal that he's the thief for a while, but when they bring in a big name like Anthony Michael Hall to play the drunken, abusive father that Chris crippled, It's obvious.
Katie: Right, but what isn't?
Recapper: (Oh man. I can't even look her in the eye right now.)
Joshua: (Word. Oh God, I suck. Someone shoot me.)
Stephanie: When I find out the serum is missing, I first accuse Joshua, but it's not him. He really wants to leave all this super power stuff behind.
Joshua: And how. But eventually, when Stephanie gives me the antidote, it is a failure of epic proportions. My telekinesis doesn't wear off. Instead, it goes haywire right there in the lab. Glass explodes. The whole place shakes. I'm never going to be normal, am I? God, I suck. Someone shoot me.
George: Meanwhile, someone is going around town punching out ATMs and grabbing the cash. Obviously, a super is at work here, right? My man Jim suspects it's Chris at first, because the perp escapes on a blue motorcycle.
Jim: But when another robbery happens as I'm questioning Chris, I realize I've fingered the wrong guy.
Daphne: Daddy, please don't finger my boyfriends.
Chris: Oh God, these people are freaks. It makes me long to be back home with my father, who has regained the use of his legs, and super-strength (although I don't really know that's what it is), and is a bigger abusive, drunken asshole than ever before... and, of course, is the ATM robber.
Daphne: When I go over to Chris's house to apologize for my father's accusations, he's really sweet and understanding, and when I hug him, I see why. Chris totally stole the serum, but he did so to heal his father.
Chris: After Daphne's gone, my father punches a hole in the fridge, which, gah, I'm losing IQ points even saying that. I know they want to show his strength, but who does that when all you have to do is open the fridge. I mean, all the cold air is going to escape through that gaping hole. My father might not care about much, but he does care about proper beer refrigeration.
Recapper: Kiddo, you're new here, so let me clue you in. When this show wants to drive home a point, it doesn't use a hammer, it uses a sledgehammer. It's not your fault.
Anthony Michael Hall: I sold it though, right?
Recapper: You know I love you, but... well, some things just won't sell. It's not your fault.
Katie: You've become like... our therapist or something.
Stephanie: How do you people stand this slow pace? I'm taking over again.
JJ: But Mom, it's my turn.
Stephanie: Hush. Anyhow, JJ and Natalie have a story this week, too. He "accidentally" on purpose runs into her while having coffee. She spots an unusual locket on the barista and realizes it's the locket her dead mom was wearing when she was murdered. Her mother's murder remains unsolved to this day. So my children...
Recapper: Wait, that was last week.
Stephanie: Really? How did I make that mistake?
Recapper: *Cough* I have no idea. JJ, why don't you take it after all.
JJ: Sheeesh, about time. So anyhow, this week, I'm still trying to get back together with Natalie, who says I'm CUTE, but do they have Bailey around, making my quest more difficult or conflicted or, Heaven forfend, interesting? Absolutely not. The obstacle of the week is some $10,000 scholarship. Natalie can't focus on anything else. Meanwhile, Professor Dick...
Stephanie: I don't like that kind of talk, JJ.
JJ: Fine. Meanwhile, Professor Litchfield (I'm totally thinking Bitchfield) is trying to get me to join some Academic Decathlon team or something. When he figures out that I'm still pursuing Natalie, he hints that he'll fix the scholarship contest in her favor if I'll join his team. It's tempting, but I don't know what to do. The thing I know, Natalie is telling me that she's already won the scholarship. Bitchfield tells me that if I don't join his little team, he'll yank the scholarship away from her, instead. The dastardly fiend.
Professor Dick Bitchfield: Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Anthony Michael Hall: Meanwhile, I'm still ripping off ATMs and being as big of an asshole as I can possibly be. Little Ricky Schroeder didn't such an interesting role, so he should just put that in his silver spoon and snort it -- not that I do that anymore, or recommend it as a lifestyle choice for anyone else. In real life, I've been clean for decades.
Recapper: I know, and I'm so proud of you, sweetie, but get back to the story.
Anthony Michael Hall: So my kid's bitching at me to stop robbing. I throw him through windows and beat him unconscious and whatnot. And somewhere in there, Jim and I have a run-in. But it seems I'm stronger than -- or at least as strong as -- Jim.
Recapper: Right -- a dilemma Jim just faced last week, when Charlotte from Lost shape-shifted into his form.
Jim: I know. I'm just shaking my head at this point. Anyhow, when I tell George about it, he decides to teach me some fundamentals of the Sweet Science.
Stephanie: Hey, I'm the scientist in the family. Go back to your little etchings.
George: Oh, women. You're all the same. I wonder why I'm still single.
Stephanie: EXCUSE ME?
George: The Sweet Science is a nickname for boxing. Jim needs to learn to bob, weave, dance around and avoid getting punched by Mr. Minor. Since Minor's super-heroism has been brought on by the secret serum, eventually it'll wear off. Then Jim can overpower him. And, of course, I'm the natural candidate to teach Jim because I'm...
Stephanie: Black?
George: No! Because look how fit and athletic I am.
Stephanie: Oops. Sorry.
George: Nah. Just joshing. Of course it's because I'm black. You remember what show we're on, right? I also had to teach him to dance. Someday, I aspire to awaken in Jim a deep desire for fried chicken, watermelon, and macaroni and cheese.
Jim: Dude, look at me. Does it look like I don't already have a deep desire for those things?
George: But... you're white. I'm black. Hands off my tropes. They're the only characterization I'm allowed in this show.
Jim: Tropes? What? Never mind. Anyhow, eventually, I get the best of Mr. Minor. After Chris ends up hospitalized from the abuse, Minor takes off for Global Tech to get some more secret serum. He holds Katie hostage and threatens to kill her. Stephanie tries to inject him with a tranquilizer while he's getting the serum from a fridge, but the needle won't penetrate his super flesh (which we've seen happen with me, before).
Anthony Michael Hall: I punch Stephanie in the face and send her flying across the lab. And I'm really sorry about that. I like pretty girls. The script made me do it.
[Editor: And made super-fast Stephanie unable to dodge it.]
Stephanie: Really, we understand. Besides, in the very scene, I don't have a mark on me. Anyhow, Anthony Michael Hall gets out of the lab with some Trilsettum, but Jim confronts him in the parking garage. I'm no scientist, I just play one on TV, but with all the support columns the two of them destroy, that garage should have collapsed, right?
Jim: Honey, we agreed not to get into that stuff. Anyhow, I follow George's advice. Eventually, Minor weakens, and my punch sends him flying into a wall. Stephanie zoops in, seizes the Trilsettum, and yay, we won!
Chris: Yeah, my father is going away for a long time, and good riddance to bad rubbish.
Evil Dr. RevCam King: You guys are forgetting the best part of the episode.
Recapper: And that is?
King: Me, of course. I've been slithering in and out of storylines this week and stirring up trouble wherever I can. I show up at Joshua and Katie's engagement party and make an unsolicited speech about how far back we go. Since he's still refusing to come back to me, I turn up the heat. I show Stephanie my dossier on him, and tell her I showed it to Katie before, but she seems to have forgotten all about it. Then I reveal Joshua has a history of erasing memories. Stephanie recalls Daphne's amnesia from a few weeks ago.
Stephanie: Right, and after we're done with Anthony Michael Hall, I tell Jim what I've learned.
Jim: I am outraged. That's my little girl he's violated. I want to punch the shit out of him, but instead, I just wreck all the walls in Katie's house.
Katie: Which...hello? Aren't I in enough pain, realizing how badly I've been duped by the man to whom I gave my heart and my cherry, too?
Joshua: But I love you, baby. I was just trying to keep everyone safe. Knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Jim: You know what else is dangerous? My fist and I'm going to drive it right through your skull, this very moment.
Joshua: Oh God, I suck. Do it. Do it. Do it.
Katie: No. Let me hurt him. I can do it better.
Recapper: Go, Katie! Go, Katie! Go, Katie!
Katie: Here. Take your ring back. You've been lying since we met. I never want anything to do with you ever again. I don't love you. I don't love you. I don't love you.
Recapper: [Feels conflicted.]
Joshua: [Dies inside. Hops a bus out of town. Waits for tender Sarah McLachlan music that never comes. Can't even float the ring anymore.]
King: There's still more me, though! The day at school, JJ solves some ginormous, complex equation for little Bitchfield over there.
Michael Oher: MY NAME IS KENNY AND HIS NAME IS LITCHFIELD.
King: Whatever, Blind Side. Later, Bitchfield reports back to me. I give him a wad of cash as his reward.
Bitchfield: HEY MY NAME IS... Oh, never mind. I want to know why King needed JJ -- specifically -- to do the math, so when I ask, he muahahahahahas at me and shuts the door in my face. Do you think I'll end up on his team, or turn myself around and help the Powells.
Recapper: I... can't pretend to care. Okee dokee artichokees. That's it for this week--
Jim: No it isn't. You've forgotten about Jasper.
Recapper: Well, I tried. Go ahead Jim, you tell it. I can't bear the thought.
Jim: So, remember how I've been feeling guilty all episode because one of the bullets I deflected pierced this kid's gut? Well, I go back to the hospital and his mother tells me that during surgery to remove the bullet, the doctors found a tumor so small, they never would have known about it until it was too late. So once again, I am footloose and consequence-free! Aren't you so proud of me?
Recapper: Say goodnight, Jim.
Jim: No, seriously. That's an awesome moment. I deserve some praise.
Stephanie: Honey, she's right, just let it go. It undercut the entire storyline of our powers having unforeseen consequences, which paralleled nicely with the story of the serum-created supers -- particularly Mr. Minor.
Jim: You're using too many words, and too many of them are big.
Stephanie: Let's just go home. We'll try again week.
Recapper: You always do. Later, gators.
That's it for this week, folks. Please grade the episode up top, and come join the discussion down in our show thread, where we have outlawed lifesaving bullets.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, and see the ineffectual TV superheroes the Powells wish they were.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!