In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
There's an art thief in town, so George and Jim are on the case. There's also a new family in town -- the Cotton family. Jim saves the dad, Dave (Rick Schroder), from getting hit by a bus. Dave, his wife and their two kids, who are just Daphne and JJ's age, pursue a friendship with the Powells. Jim shies away from the idea at first, but Stephanie insists they give it a shot, since these are nearly the first guest stars who haven't been out-and-out hateful to the Powells. In the course of investigating the art heists, Jim starts to suspect Dave and questions him. It's not naïve Dave who is the thief; it's his wife. Stephanie confronts her new friend with the truth, but gives her time to come clean with her family. Wifey takes that opportunity to pull off another heist. Stephanie confronts Wifey in an alley as she's meeting up with her partners in crime. One of the guys takes a shot at Stephanie, so Wifey takes a bullet for her. She doesn't die though, because there are few consequences on this show.
Elsewhere, Daphne runs for student council at the encouragement of her Cotton, and JJ gets closer to his geek goddess after his Cotton prods him to do so. But the big news is that our Katie is a virgin. Well, she starts the episode that way. She ends it in bed with the Watcher "Joshua," who has just told the Evil Dr. RevCam King to take his job (and his green goo) and shove it. Sadly, like most men, "Joshua" falls asleep right after the loving. Katie gets up to putter around and, like you do, she picks his clothes up off the floor and smells them. And it's then that Stephanie's red journal falls to the floor. Poor Katie leafs through it, realizes what it is, and we watch with our hearts in our throats as her after-glow is doused with a bucket of icy betrayal.
I'll be back with the full weecap tomorrow. In the meantime, grade the episode up top, and then please join the discussion down in our show thread, but don't leave your pants on the floor, thanks.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, and see the ineffectual TV superheroes the Powells wish they were.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Hey, welcome back to the seven who aren't me who are still watching this show. I hope you had a nice time over the holidays and mini-hiatus. Happy New Year. You'll notice I am not grading this episode. I don't know what to do with it, so I'm leaving it up to you. Click on that
Recapper: Okay kids, who wants to go first?
Daphne: Can I?
Recapper: Take it away, kid. I'm going to get a cup of coffee and see if I can stay awake.
Daphne: I don't blame you. So everybody, you'll remember that before Christmas, we left off with Katie's boyfriend terrorizing me and wiping my mind back to before the pilot.
Recapper: Right, 'cause I was jealous.
Daphne: Yeah, so it was scary and suspenseful and looked like maybe the show was finally cutting some teeth. SUCKERS! We resolve that plot point in the cold open. My parents and JJ show me their super-powers, then we all join hands and my telepathy fills in the blanks, and I'm all better.
Recapper: Okay, so they share their memories with you, but that doesn't fill in your own memories. I mean, what about conversations with friends, crushes, feelings, things you learned at school? Surely there are going to be consequences, right?
Daphne: This isn't The Vampire Diaries. Quit dreaming.
Recapper: Sorry, I had a little bit of Christmas cheer left in me. Don't worry, it's gone now, though. Well, at least this means you can't ruin the one remaining interesting development.
Daphne: There is one?
Recapper: (Shhhh. Yeah, you can't tell everyone about the Watcher "Joshua" -- how he attacked you, and how he has powers, too.)
Daphne: (Oh, right. I know nothing about that -- nothing at all.)
Recapper: Okay Jim, you're up.
Jim: Gotcha. So George fills me in on an art heist in town. He wants me to get involved because this is the sort of stuff that needs a superhero.
Recapper: George thinks a kitten up a tree needs a superhero.
Stephanie: I know, right?
Jim: Hey, you said it was my turn. Anyhow, after we part, I'm walking down the street, minding my own business, when I see this guy is about to get creamed by a bus, so clearly, he's going to be connected to the art theft. But that's not the important point. The important point is: IT'S LITTLE RICKY SCHRODER!
Little Ricky Schroder: Hey, would you drop the "Little Ricky" stuff? I'm nearly 41 years old, a father of four, and have been married for 18 years. I hate when people call me Ricky, which I've made quite clear, at least since my NYPD Blue days. Besides, my character's name in this show is Dave Cotten.
Recapper: Actually, it's Cotton.
Little Ricky Schroder: But imdb.com and the closed-captioning both used Cotten -- so did your recaplet.
Recapper: Yeah, but I've since checked ABC's show page, and they have Cotton, so I'm changing it.
Little Ricky Schroder: Fine, just don't call me Ricky, m'kay?
Recapper: Whatever you say, little Ricky Schroder. Jim, continue, please.
Jim: So yeah, I dart out into the street, and save little Ricky Schroder's life and he's all grateful and stuff. He insists on learning my name so he can tell his wife who saved him, so I reluctantly introduce myself, and eventually, we go our separate ways.
Meanwhile, at Global Tech...
Katie: So, I tell Stephanie I think I'm in love with Joshua, 'cause I totally think I am. But I'm scared, you know, because I've never... well, you know, I've never.
Stephanie: She means she's a virgin.
Daphne: This is my verse, hello!
Recapper: Scoot, kid, You're not in this scene and don't worry, you'll be the only one wearing the chastity belt by episode's end.
Katie: HEY, NO SPOILERS! (Really? OMG. I have to go home and shave!)
Later, at the Powell Pad...
Jim: So, remember that guy I saved -- Little Ricky Schroder?
Little Ricky Schroder: Can we at least stay in character? I mean, you don't see me calling you the Commish.
Jim: He has a point.
Recapper: Fine, call him Dave, if you must, but I'm making no promises.
Jim: All right, so...Dave and his whole family -- wife Michelle, daughter Chloe, and son Troy -- they all show up at my house to thank me for saving Dave's life. And then they invite us to a cookout. I really think we should shy away from getting involved with someone I save...
Stephanie: But I am so eager for Jim to make a friend who isn't George, and to hang with other families who aren't loathsome to us, that I interrupt and accept the invitation.
George: And then later, I call Jim, because there's another art heist in progress, which I know because I have access to the same sort of equipment the police have, but of course, Jim is going to beat the police to the scene and confront the crook, because he's an excellent jumper.
Jim: Up, up and away!
At the museum...
Jim: I make may way into the museum with no problems, and this time, I'm wearing one of those black ski masks that covers my face. I tell the crook to drop the goods, but he sets off some sort of pyrotechnics right in my face, and even though I can stop a speeding bullet, I just stand there like a dope while the room fills with smoke and the thief makes away with the precious canvases.
Later, at the Powell Pad...
Stephanie: I'm all excited about our dinner with the Cottons, so I'm whipping through a dozen outfits, to find something to impress them.
Recapper: For a cookout?
Stephanie: I don't write the script, I just follow it. Anyhow, it's then that I notice my red notebook is missing -- you know, the one with all my observations about my family's powers.
Recapper: Yawn. Yeah. We already know who took that.
Elsewhere, at a Star Wars-themed Bar
Katie: This is the best place ever, and they have Star Wars drinks and I'm geeking out, but I'm also freaking out, because I think I should tell Joshua that I'm a virgin. I start to, but then I think better of it and shut my trap.
Recapper: Most surprising thing that happened all episode, Katie. Well played.
Another Day, at Casa Cotton...
JJ: So, we're having an okay time with these people, but seriously, this is awkward. The main point of the scene seems to be to the revelation that before Metropolis (which is apparently Pacific Bay), the Cottons also lived in Seattle and Boston.
Recapper: I'm from Boston! I don't know why that gets an exclamation point, but it does. Don't you guys think it's a little weird that their son happens to be JJ's age and their daughter happens to be Daphne's age?
Daphne: I know, right? And since the Cottons are brand new in town, dad suggests that JJ and I show them around school. I am not at all for that idea, but then he's all "Daphne Nicole Powell" yelling at me with his brain, so I agree that it's a great idea. I wish he could ready my thoughts right now.
The Day, At School
Daphne: While I'm showing Chloe around, pointing out the different cliques and what not, she gets the supreme displeasure of meeting head cheerleader, incumbent student council presidential candidate and chief beeyotch in charge -- Bailey Browning. Poor Chloe makes the mistake of snagging Bailey's table, and Bailey tries to bully her out of it, but Chloe will not be moved. I think I love this girl!
Chloe: Child, please. You west-coasters -- even your beeyotches -- are way too mellow to be intimidating. Boston bitches represent!
Recapper: YO!
JJ: C'mon. You want to get through this even more than we do. I'm taking the reins. In the hallways, I introduce Troy to my geek goddess, Natalie. And he's pretty impressed that such a hot chick is my chick until I explain she's really kinda sort of not. Ever since we kissed, she's been acting differently.
Troy: It's because you're too nice. Chicks like the bad boys.
Recapper: Excuse me while I roll my eyes.
Troy: Oh what, they don't?
Recapper: That's a gross over-simplification, and TWoP is not paying me to school adolescents in sexual politics, so let's move on. Is it just me, or is this all slow going, today?
Katie: No, it's not just you. You want me to blitz through a bunch of stuff in my super-cute, super-fast way? Talking is totally my super-power.
Recapper: Go for it! But how will we maintain the illusion that you don't know what's going on in all the scenes?
Katie: For this episode? Please. The whole plot was telegraphed in the first five minutes. So anyhow, Joshua and I go out that night, and when he walks me to my door, I invite him in for a drink, if you know what I mean, and I hope you do, and I hope he does, too.
The Watcher a.k.a. Joshua: Oh, I know what you mean, baby, and I'm all for it, as you can tell by the way I'm kissing you, at least until you reveal you're still a virgin and skeedaddle right out of there.
The Day...
George: So Jim and I are talking superhero stuff, right, and I tell him that other heists with a similar M.O. have been reported in Seattle and Boston. Aren't you just dying? Who would have seen that coming?
Recapper: You mean besides Louis Braille?
Jim: I know, right? So now I have to act like maybe it's suspicious that the Cottons have previously lived in those places and now they show up in town, right when our museums are being hit. I am generally Mister Positivity, but not even I can sell this shit.
Katie: Really guys, I can take the whole thing, have us out of here in five minutes.
Stephanie: But you've been feeling like we're taking advantage of you.
Katie: I'm mostly over that. Besides, I'm doing this for me as much as for anyone else. You ready? Okay! That Troy kids starts hitting on JJ's geek goddess. JJ tries to get him to knock it off politely, but Troy persists and then dares JJ to make him stop. And I'll be darned if JJ doesn't haul off and punch him in the face, after his super-brain draws him a how-to diagram.
Recapper: The more they use JJ's powers, the dumber they become.
JJ: Word.
Katie: Then, at night, Jim is at the museum waiting for the thief. He finally runs into him, but the thief is really adept at getting past the security system and getting out. Before he makes his get-away, though, Jim realizes that the guy is wearing the same distinctive watch that his new BFF little Ricky Schroder is wearing.
Michael Oher: MY NAME IS KENNY. Ahem. I mean, his name is DAVE!
Everyone: Whatever, Blind Side.
Katie: But of course there's still more time to fill, so it can't be Dave. And yet Jim has an awkward confrontation with him, anyhow. And poor, actually-innocent Dave is understandably offended.
Recapper: Poor little Ricky Schroder. What a champ. It's not like he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
Little Ricky Schroder: Hey, I've worked a lot in my adulthood, too. I was getting down and dirty with Dr. Reid on Scrubs.
Recapper: Yes, and the scrubs you wore were pink, and your character's name was "Nurse Flowers." I could totally call you that.
Little Ricky Schroder: Um... never mind.
Katie: Guys, the clock is ticking! So anyhow, unbeknownst to me, Joshua is really into me, and really sort of not turned off that I'm a virgin, so he goes to the Evil Dr. RevCam King and quits, for me! But I can't know that, dammit. I wish I could, because it would ease some of my ensuing humiliation, but I don't want to jump ahead. Anyhow, Jim goes back to Casa Cotton to apologize to Dave, but no one answers, so he walks in calling for Dave and happens upon the stolen art. But then Michelle finds Jim and asks him what he's doing snooping around. Jim tells her that Dave is an art thief. Michelle is all, "Oh, no he isn't," mostly because he isn't. She is. What a twist, huh?
Recapper: SHOCKER. Ugh.
Katie: So, Jim gets Stephanie to zoop over. That's what they're calling it. Zoop. Dumb, no?
Recapper: Actually, I'm fine with zoop. Come on, Katie, take me home.
Katie: Right, so Stephanie, who is really rather fond of Michelle (and I would be so jealous if I knew) talks to her and tells her that they have to turn her in, but she'll give her time to prepare Dave and their children. But does she use that time for said preparation. No! She does not. She uses it to pull off one more heist. Stephanie intercepts Michelle and her latest booty in an alleyway, and Michelle tries to explain that she had one last obligation to fulfill before she could come clean. Just then, Michelle's partner-in-crime arrives. Thinking Stephanie is a cop, he shoots at her, but Michelle takes the bullet for Steph. Steph hovers over her new friend, and calls 9-1-1. The whole scene is rather touching.
Recapper: Touching sure, but wouldn't this have been a better episode if the Cottons were both in on the robbery and Dave had intentionally met up with Jim (or Michelle with Steph), and they were playing them, somehow?
Katie: Recapper, that would never happen on this show.
Daphne: Hey, you know JJ and I still have some more story. Can I pull a Katie and blurt it all out?
Recapper: Why the heck not.
Daphne: Well, Chloe is actually pretty fricking awesome. In addition to standing up to Bailey, she talks me into running for student body president. Bailey makes her predictable It's All About Me speech and then I give a pretty good speech, layered with telepathy subtext about how I know what everyone cares about and I know what they think and want.
Giles: The subtext is rapidly becoming text.
Daphne: Who's that old dude?
Giles: I beg your par--
Recapper: Um...pay no attention to him. He's just your substitute librarian. Go on.
Daphne: So anyhow, I get a huge round of applause. Looks like I'm going to finally beat beeyotch at something. Hooray!
Recapper: Yeah, good job, kid. Now JJ, you go, quickly.
JJ: Okay. I find Natalie at school and apologize for being so jealous and violent, and she's totally turned on by it and gives me a kiss. Then Troy comes up and says he meant for it to all go down like that. And call me stupid, but I think he kind of did.
Recapper: I know that's what we're supposed to think, and since we'll probably never see Troy again, I'm fine with that, but if this were real life or a good show, I wouldn't buy it.
Katie: Let's get going, I have a date coming, if you know what I mean.
Recapper: Please stop that.
Katie: Okay, sorry. I'm just nervous and excited. So anyhow, Michelle survives. Dave talks to Jim. He can't believe he didn't know what was going on. Jim's all philosophical about how everyone has secrets, and we'll probably never see Little Ricky Schroder again, so I don't know why their friendship needs this denouement. But here comes the best part, so I'm starting a new paragraph...
Joshua comes to my place. He apologizes for freaking when I told him I was a virgin. He wanted to make sure we were making the right decision, and now he knows it's right. He takes me in his arms and oh, my word, I'm nothing but a puddle. Later, he falls asleep, so I guess that stereotype about guys is kinda true. I get up and start picking up our clothes from the floor, because we were in a hurry to get them off, but I don't just want to leave my room a mess like that. When I pick up his things, I smell them and oh, I'm a puddle again. But then Stephanie's little red notebook slips out of his pocket. Once I realize what it is, my puddle freezes to dry ice. OMG. I'm so broken-hearted.
Recapper: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry the show did you this way. If it helps, Joshua used you to get an in with the Powells, but he's quit his job now, and that's because he's so into you.
Katie: I know, but I can't know that yet.
Recapper: I'm so sorry, honey. I'm almost as sorry about that as I am about this show.
I'll be back time, but meanwhile, join us down in the show thread, but don't leave your pants on the floor, thanks.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, and see the ineffectual TV superheroes the Powells wish they were.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!