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This show is in a holding pattern. It's entertaining enough, but is doing nothing to make me crave more. This week is just like any episode in any nondescript procedural, and by the hour's end, nearly everything is wrapped up in a neat, moralistic bow. If not for the likable performances from the cast (and my paycheck from TWoP), I might have cashed out by now. That said, the previews for week imply the story is about to heat up, so I'm still holding out some hope that the writers will attend a Julie Plec/Kevin Williamson master class on the art of set up and reveal. In the meantime, let's plow through this week's episode. You ready? Okay.
Jim dons a black hoodie and goes on patrol in Franklin Park to crack down on a rash of muggings, only to find there's another vigilante out there, and he's shooting the bad guys. While the cops don't consider the vigilante a priority, Jim does. He continues patrolling Franklin Park, mostly to make me yearn for Buffy, but also in order to get mistaken for the violent vigilante and thus bring "conflict" to this episode. Deadboy-Dad, the real vigilante, is a guy whose son was killed with two gunshot wounds to the head, in Franklin Park. Or is he? Yeah, he totally is, but we have to pretend he's not until the bitter end, because Deadboy-Dad's primary role is to serve as Jim's morality tale o' the week, namely: Don't get so caught up in your newbilities that you lose the plot at home. Eventually, Deadboy-Dad is busted (as in shot by the cops) with no assist from Jim, and we all yawn and live happily ever after.
This week, we learn Jerkface's name isn't just Francis, it's Francis Chiles, which makes me miss Rupert Giles, and possibly yell at Julie Benz to be Darla, but I digress. Francis now has a toe in on Stephanie's research, and mistakes her work on her family's abnormalities for old research conducted by some scientist who "disappeared" from the face of the earth after making a shocking discovery that can be tied to Stephanie's wonder-plant. Dun dun dun.
Meanwhile, JJ uses his math ability to learn how to play football (it's a trajectory thing), but Professor Dick is still suspicious, so he tells the Powell parents that he thinks their boy is on academic-performance enhancing drugs, which -- what would that be, like Adderall? JJ insists he's clean, but keeps hiding the fact that he too has newbilities. Also, Daphne uses her telepathy to learn the location of an exclusive party, but she's still a big loser. The cool kids want to bounce her, but when they run out of booze, she tries to blackmail a store cashier into selling to her, by reading his mind and threatening to expose him for raiding the cash register. He calls both her bluff, and the cops, so Jim and Stephanie have to come pick her up and ream her out.
I'll be back tomorrow with the full weecap. In the meantime, join the discussion in our show thread, and BYOB.
Watch the episode below, then see why this show seems so familiar.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!True confession: every time I see this episode's title, I first read it as: "No Ordinary Vagina." I don't know how or why. I'm not that girl. But it happens every single time. I have to shake my head and blink my eyes before I see "Vigilante," which has been staring at me all the while. And thank goodness for that. While I might cheer on a vigilante vagina under the appropriate circumstances, I do not want to see one in action. Speaking of action, let's get to the story, yeah? Okay.
Night; Exterior: Jim patrols Franklin Park. Back in the lair, George describes the park as "The only place in the city where you can get poison ivy, crack and sexually assaulted, all at the same time." So like an open-air mall, then. Over the Bluetooth, George asks how the "costume" is working out. Jim pooh-poohs the "costume" notion. He's only wearing the black hoodie, and not the $37.00 real-hair mustache that George gave him. Well played, Jim. When the guys' ensuing secret-identity argument is interrupted by a screaming woman, Jim up-up-and-aways over the trees and to her rescue. He hollers at her mugger to leave her alone, so the mugger turns his gun on Jim, which maybe should be a tense moment, but isn't, since we all know Jim is relatively bullet resistant. Apparently, the mugger is not. Someone shoots at him from the tree line and he's down. Now Jim has to decide between rescuing the bleeding mugger, or pursuing the vigilante. He needs more of a Scooby Gang, so he doesn't have to choose. No surprise, he rushes the mugger to the hospital, dumps him in a wheelchair waiting by the entry, and pins a note to his chest: "Save me -- then arrest me! I mugged a lady in Franklin Park." Don't worry, nobody will run a finger print analysis on the note. It will be forgotten as quickly as the poor mugging victim, who has probably died of a coronary in lonely, dark Franklin Park. Hey, how else are they going to keep her from placing Jim at the scene?
Powell Pad; Morning: Stephanie super-speeds through kitchen clean-up, which bugs me. Maybe it's because she's in such a small space. Maybe it's because she lives with three other able-bodied people who could empty the fricking dishwasher since Mommy has to go to work. Maybe it's because I'm just jealous. Jim announces he and JJ are going camping, and they make plans to go shopping for gear. Their conversation is interrupted by a news report of the mugging. JJ gets all excited thinking dad was the vigilante mentioned on the news. Jim denies it, since he didn't shoot anyone. When he's alone, Steph gives him crap for lying but he maintains he wasn't lying since he didn't shoot anyone. Stephanie doesn't want him to worry the kids and she doesn't want them emulating him, so she sneers that at least, he ought to try to stay off the news.
Global Tech: At work, Katie takes Jim's side. "I don't get it. You used to complain that Jim didn't have anything in his life. Now that he finally has a thing, you're going to complain about that?" That doesn't give Stephanie any pause. "I was hoping it'd be a hobby, like model airplanes or stamp collecting." Katie: "Oh, trust me, you do not want to be with a stamp collector. Their fingers are sticky, and their tongues are always dry." Hee. They get a little concerned about security (and Stephanie's family mojo research) when they find the inner door to their lab is ajar. Steph tells Katie to call security, but the intruder is only Jerkface a.k.a. Dr. Francis Giles, who is here to gloat that he's their new lab partner on the wonder-plant project. Katie offers to call security anyhow. Perhaps my Katie-love is tiresome, so I'll try not to mention it all the time, if you promise to remember I love her like chocolate.
Store: Daphne, Megan and Nameless Friend are at the convenience store, gossiping about Bailey Browning's exclusive party. As lowly sophomores, they'd never be invited. Daphne seems pretty zen about that until she reads the store clerk's mind (he's just stolen 50 bucks from the till) and realizes she might be able to read Bailey's mind and find the party.
Precinct: Jim presents Detective Cordero with his sketch of the vigilante. Cordero is underpaid and over-worked, so he's not really concerned about catching the guy who shot the meth-head who was robbing an innocent woman. Back at the lair, Jim bitches to George about how the cops just don't care. George thinks that, like the cops, they ought to prioritize. Jim can't do that. He can't rest knowing there's a vigilante running willy-nilly through the town. George pretty much says, "Other than you." Jim is not amused. Ooh, it's their first lovers' quarrel. Jim storms out of the lair, taking George's door with him. Ooops.
School: Professor Dick is still giving JJ shit about being a good student. JJ's friend, Declan, waits at the doorway, amazed that JJ got a B+. "Seriously man, whatever you're on -- can I get some?" Professor Dick overhears and makes the dickish assumption that JJ is on something.
Football Bleachers: Jim calls JJ to beg off their plans to shop for camping gear. This is about when I start seeing the formula for this episode pop off the screen, like JJ's magical math. Ooh, look at the colors! JJ doesn't care, because he's seeing more magical math -- down on the football field. His brain has instantly decoded football. Ugh. The only thing worse than watching football on TV is hearing someone explain it on TV. Please don't go there, Show. Anyhow, you know where this is going, 'cause you see the pretty colors, too. Scrawny little JJ, who may be smaller than my 11-year-old daughter? He's gonna go out for the football team. He's going to get laughed at. He's going to get mocked, but he'll make the team. He'll make the team, save the game, and he and his big burly dad will reconnect, and can I go to sleep now? No? Fine. Be that way. Commercial.
Powell Pad; Kitchen; Morning: Daphne gives Jim hell about cancelling the camping trip, but JJ doesn't care. He runs downstairs to tell his parents he's going out for the team. JJ takes exception to Jim's doubts about him playing football. Exasperation wins the day.
Precinct: George comes in and tells Jim he thinks he knows who the vigilante might be -- one Andrew Myers, whose son was shot to death in the park a few years back. The perp walked, but a year later, was gunned down. No one could link Myers to the crime at the time, but George has this gut feeling about him. He knows of a little bar on the south side where Myers hangs out. "Should I drive, or do you want me to just hop on your back and we could..." He reads Jim's look then adds, "I'll drive. Probably better."
School: JJ approaches the football coach, who is also his history teacher. Since he's gotten his grades up, JJ would like to go out for the team. Professor Coach is no Professor Dick, but he points out that JJ is smaller than his daughter. Hey, that's my line. And I'm typing this bad boy as I watch, so I'm not faking you out, here. JJ cuts a deal with him, if he aces the mid-term, Professor Coach will let him try out for the team.
South Side Dive Bar: George and Jim see Myers at the bar, and George preps Jim on chatting up their suspect. "Okay, you're gonna talk to him, feel him out. The thing criminals love to do is talk about themselves. Make him comfortable, you get him to open up. Same idea as when you were single -- think of it as a blind date, but with a sociopath." Jim notes the football coverage on the TV and starts talking about JJ. Myers replies with a sad song about how one day you're your kid's hero and the day he wants nothing to do with you. He then takes his leave. Jim reports back to George that he just thinks Myers wants to be left alone.
Global Tech: Stephanie mistakes the breakdown on her wonder-plant for the blood analysis they ran on the Powells after their newbilities were made manifest. Science talk science talk science talk. The same thing that's hinky about the wonder plant is hinky about the Powells. Just as the women realize the significance of this, Jerkface pops in to see them. "Am I interrupting?" As Stephanie says no, they were just talking about their work, Daphne blurts out, "No, we were just talking about our periods." Awkward. She then adds: "Our periods of time in which we like to work." Jerkface shakes his head, as his lip curls. "I can't believe you two beat me for the research grant."
School: Daphne approaches Bailey in the hall, who is all, "Do we know each other?" even though she knows they don't. Daphne's already reading her mind, and can tell that she's a snob, but plays her part and gushes that she's super-excited for the big party and wants to know if she can bring anything. Bailey points out she can't attend the party since she wasn't invited and doesn't know where it is. Daphne lies that she knows that it's at Alec Coster's house. Bailey lies back that she's right, and she'll see her there, but Daphne overhears her thinking, "While we're all raging at Paul Steptoe's house." Daphne smiles back and says, "Perfect. See you there."
Franklin Park; Night: Over the Bluetooth, Jim asks George if he really thinks he's as bad as the violent vigilante. George placates him, and asks Jim not to let one argument come between them, but there's no more time for bromance, because just then a shot rings out. Jim rushes to the scene and finds a man down. A couple happens upon Jim kneeling over the vigilante's latest victim. The woman yells out, "You shot him!" And instead of pointing out that he doesn't have a gun, Jim runs away as though he really did shoot the guy, which he so did not! I send Scott to the store for some wine. Commercial. Red wine: when sub-par plotting has you down, our tannin-laden tastiness erases your frown.
Precinct; Day: Det. Cordero brings Alice and Edward Costigan to Jim. They're the witnesses to last night's crime, so of course Jim recognizes them immediately. To keep them from doing the same, he makes a big show of blowing his nose and keeping tissues over his face, so that they don't get a good clean look at him. He then grabs some cop's glasses off a nearby desk, and like a modern-day, bald, pudgy Clark Kent who's barely the same species as Tom Welling, he is instantly unrecognizable. Still, Jim can't escape the implications of the Costigans' description, except for one saving grace: the couple is sure that the "perp" had long stringy hair.
Meanwhile, in the locker room, JJ is subject to the exact type of bullshit you'd expect him to experience in a high school locker room. Still, when the coach tries to give him an out, JJ is all in.
Global Tech: Jerkface notes that Stephanie's research isn't confined to her wonder-plant, so of course she thinks he's discovered her family's secret. But he hasn't. Instead, he assumes she's digging into the archives of one Dr. Douglas Volson. Although Jerkface makes it sound like Volson was a epic failure, it sounds to us, and to Steph, like Volson was onto whatever mutation Steph is onto, now that she's discovered the similarities between her family and her wonder-plant. Look, I took the science required of me in high school and college and never looked back. That's why I'm writing for TWoP instead of working at MIT. Don't judge me, people. I have my own super-powers. And? Voodoo dolls.
Oh, I jumped ahead of myself, before. Here's where Jim puts on the glasses and takes the perp's description from the Costigans: Cupid's bow lips (I have a cupid's bow, do you); round, ball-ish, fat, meaty face (no comment); middle aged -- no spring chicken (no comment); long, stringy, thin hair (no -- hooray). Cordero comes over and pressures Jim then asks why he looks so worked up. Jim: "I'm just passionate about my art. When I'm passionate, I sweat." Cordero (with a smirk): "Your wife's a lucky lady."
Football Try-Outs: Daph and friends walk by as she informs them that she has a party location. Then she notices JJ on the sidelines, all suited up and ready to get killed. The coach puts him in and gives JJ his play (red dog right). The players all give him shit, except for one nice Michael Oher-esque player who tells him to stay behind him. JJ calls the play, does his magical math, finds an open receiver and throws a perfect spiral, which -- I'm sorry. Does his super-intelligence give him the ability to control his strength and coordination? C'mon, Show. Maybe you should have had him take over the chess club, first. JJ makes the team, as you knew he would, and my husband comes home with my red, red wine. But... dun dun dun, I can't uncork that bottle yet, because Professor Dick has been watching from the sidelines. He hates to see JJ have any single moment of happiness, so he makes a phone call. Is it to Dr. RevCam King? No, because the show isn't that deep -- at least not yet.
Powell Pad: Daphne, who you'll recall has just used her powers to find out the location of a really big kegger, thinks JJ is out of line using his powers to make the football team. She hates lying about his super-genius (if not getting her homework done). JJ explains that football is all math and it gets all vector analysis-y, which makes Daphne and me dizzy.
School: Professor Dick, it seems, was calling the Powells. He and another teacher (or perhaps the principal, this show is really bad about making clear the names of minor characters) imply that JJ is on performance-enhancing drugs, but not in a Clemens way -- in a Kellie Martin as Lucy Knight on E.R. way. He must be taking Adderall or something to have made such strides. Jim's pretty terrific here -- pointing out that they called the Powells in when JJ was screwing up, but now they're calling them in when he's doing well. Finally, Professor Dick lays it on the table: "JJ's changed so much in a short span that you have to ask yourselves, if it's not drugs -- what is it?" Dawn breaks over Jim and Stephanie's head.
Back home they ask JJ if he's on drugs. He's understandably offended. They then move onto the subject of powers, and JJ is a complete, tearful lying little son of a bitch. "For the first time in my life, I'm finally good at stuff because I believe in myself. It would be real nice if you did, too." Jim proceeds to beat up on himself for not trusting his untrustworthy kid, until the evening news catches Stephanie's eye. They're showing the composite sketch of the alleged vigilante, but it's basically Jim's self-portrait with a slightly skewed face and stringy hair. Stephanie then moralizes about how he's not giving enough to his own family. See, she's had super-speed for four weeks, so now she's perfect, and thus she gives Jim an ultimatum: "Do you want to be a parent or a vigilante?" Um, I think he wants to be both, Ms. This-Is-My-First-Night-Home-In-15-Years. Look, normally, I would take the woman's side in this argument, but in the Powell family, Jim is totally the mom. Commercial.
Precinct: While Cordero is hanging over Jim's desk, George brings him information on Andrew Myers and convinces him to include him in a line-up. The victim fails to identify him, and Jim honestly can't see it when he looks Myers in the eye. George says the problem is that Jim likes everyone. "It's just part of your Jim-ness. You see the world the way you are. I see the world, too. You know what I see? Robbery, rape, murder. Take it from an attorney, people suck -- even the people who don't appear to suck at first glance?" Jim finishes for him: "Suck?" George: Yeah." Cordero reports that they have to let Myers walk. George advises him to turn up the heat with a home search, etc. because he's pretty sure Myers is the guy. Cordero says, "I think you're right, but he walks, for now." Myers spots Jim as he leaves the station. Jim looks after him and then shares a meaningful glance with George.
Party: Daphne and her friends are way too dolled-up for the exclusive kegger, which is a dead give-away that they don't belong. When Daphne spots JJ, she pulls him to the side to ream him out for doing exactly what she's doing. Her sibling-strongarmery is the second strike on her fledgling social life. Bailey and the Jail-Bailettes come to JJ's rescue, and point out that he's invited, because even though he's a lowly frosh, he's on the football team. Daphne, however, is on the loser team, and there's a strict no-loser policy. Their bitchery is interrupted by Bailey's boyfriend, who announces they're out of hooch. Daphne announces she can get them some more and we cut to...
Convenience Store: Daphne walks up with a basket full of hard stuff and asks for a keg. The clerk (the crooked one, from earlier) mocks her. There's no way he's selling to this kid. Daphne tries to blackmail him, pointing out that she knows he steals from the register. To his credit, the crooked clerk tells her to prove it and calls the cops. I guess Daphne doesn't run out because of the security camera that Crooked points out to her, but I would have run, and hoped that he'd be too lazy to follow through.
Powell Pad: Daphne is so very grounded that she has skid marks on her bottom. JJ arrives home during her major groundation, but his parents chase him upstairs. When the Powells don't believe that Daphne wasn't drinking (only attempting to procure alcohol for other minors via blackmail), JJ comes a tiny bit clean and owns up to being at the party but swears that Daphne never drank. He doesn't come clean to his newbilities though, so it's not your typical very special episode. It's no ordinary special episode, and these kids are so not-so-ordinary, they didn't even have a beer. Commercial.
Stephanie and Jim bicker about their lifestyle changes since Jim became a crime-fighter. Stephanie wants him barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen. Jim flat-out asks her, "When is it going to be your turn to be the one who's here?" and although I've seen some people categorize this as him being sexist, I really do think he's the mom in this family and he's just dying for some self-actualization.
Katie calls Stephanie from Global Tech with some news on Dr. Volson. He was working primarily with somatic gene therapy coupled with recombinant DNA, including isolating vulnerabilities in the DNA strand, and then attempting to create patches for those vulnerabilities. When Katie says it, it's almost like I understand. But then Volson's research stops dead and he disappears. Katie has done every search you can imagine, including calling her ex at the FBI, and all she can figure is that Volson is no longer on this earth. "Dr. Volson is dead."
South Side Bar: Jim finds Myers, offers to buy him a drink, and denies that he's an undercover cop. Myers insists he's not the vigilante. Jim says the cops think Myers is the shooter, so he ought to turn himself in, which makes no sense, since Myers isn't on the lam. Jim steers the conversation to the possibility that Myers is acting out to avenge the death of his son. Myers shuts this down and instead presents Jim with his morality tale o' the week. "I lost Jack a long time before that. I lost him because I was so busy at work. I lost him because I didn't see the signs. Everything seemed so important, and none of it mattered. He needed my help and I was so caught up in what I was doing I missed my chance to save him. I was his father. And I should have been there, so -- you think I blame the world for what happened? I blame myself. I did it. I killed my son. You love your kids so much? Then what the hell are you doing here with me? Hmm." Well, my kids are in bed, Andrew. What? Oh, you're moralizing at Jim. Never mind. Continue, please. "Why aren't you at home with them?" Myers stalks off, leaving Jim to face the heavy-handed moral of tonight's story, all by himself. Thank Heaven our hero has super strength, because that's one hell of an anvil to tote off screen.
Powell Pad; Morning: Jim wants everyone to listen up. He tells Daphne she abused her powers without giving a damn about the consequences, and he knows he's guilty of the same thing. He then heaps piles of coals on JJ's guilty head, and at the time, I think Jim is a parenting genius, and has figured out that JJ too has newbilities -- but nope. He's bought the lie hook, line and sinker. To Jim, JJ is just a good, normal kid who found himself in a tough situation and took the noble way out by working hard and proving himself. Oh, Jim. Jim goes on to say they can't rely on their newbility crutches and have to start relying on their inner strength, instead. Maybe. I kind of dozed off. Stephanie adds her apology to the chorus and I don't know how Daphne doesn't puke right then and there. At any rate, they're all going to JJ's football game tonight, so let's join them for the most predictable two minutes in television.
Game: The starting quarterback gets hurt, so Professor Coach puts JJ in. The family is shocked, but they cheer him on. At first, JJ seems like he might feel funny or guilty, but that soon passes. And then the show makes a fatal mistake. It references a cinematic classic in its C+ episode's closing scene. While JJ maths up the football game, the vigilante (who is totally Andrew Myers) patrols the park and stalks his perp-victim. And it's all very much the baptism scene from The Godfather, set to Lucy Schwartz's "Life in Letters," but otherwise without any artistic merit. As JJ and his magical math save the game, Myers hunts his predator-prey only to find he's been set up by Det. Cordero and the police, who end up shooting Myers in his cold, bitter, broken heart. At the end, JJ, who is wearing lucky number 7, looks like he might have a conscience after all, but we fade to black and have to wait for week to find out if he's a sociopath in the making or just an angsty kid. Given the way this show has proceeded so far, I'm pretty sure he's just an angsty kid.
As I said in the recaplet, No Ordinary Family seems to be in a holding pattern. It's entertaining enough, but is doing nothing to make me crave more. This week is just like any episode in any nondescript procedural, and by the hour's end, nearly everything is wrapped up in a neat, moralistic bow. My husband agrees with me. My mother thinks I'm wrong like a wrong thing, so you be the judge. If not for the likable performances from the cast (and my paycheck from TWoP), I might have cashed out by now. That said, the previews for week imply the story is about to heat up, so I'm still holding out some hope that the writers will attend a Julie Plec/Kevin Williamson master class on the art of set-up and reveal.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, and see why this show seems so familiar.
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Are you with Scott and me, or with my mother? Write to me at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com or shout out to me on Twitter and let me know. 'Til then, I'll be covering The Vampire Diaries and breaking out my DVDs of The Godfather. Ciao, bella gente.