By Potes
The Red Lips White Lies tour has hit New York! It's spring break, so Rayna has brought along Tandy and her daughters for some girl time. Maddie of course has decided that she wants to be a big singing star like her idol Juliette Barnes, and Rayna is having none of it until Tandy insinuates that she's being just like Lamar. And then Rayna lets the girls do soundcheck on the big stage, and I was so excited to hear Lennon and Maisy Stella do a number UNTIL I realized it was that freaking Lumineers song. Must it be on EVERY TV show, commercial and movie trailer? Did T Bone Burnett sleep through this one? The girls were great, but enough already.
Juliette, meanwhile, has her britches in a knot over the fact that there is a giant billboard of Rayna Jaymes right outside her hotel window. She decides that she wants a multi-million endorsement deal too, and enlists sober coach slash $50-million blower Dante as a sort of career coach. She gets a deal with a smartphone company, but the fact that Jolene actually wants her daughter to care about their relationship more than money ruins everybody's good mood. Juliette makes up for it all by dedicating a song to her mom at the show, and then does whatever the opposite is of making up for it when she bangs Dante. Another fantastic life choice! She just keeps makin' 'em!
Deacon is also on tour, of course, and brings new lady vet girlfriend Stacy along with him. Lest you think he just wants a dog sitter with benefits, he actually seems to have some feelings for her and apparently the two have been inseparable. Stacy meets Juliette, who is sweet as a Cadbury egg, and Rayna, who can only manage to say "That's nice!" when Stacy introduces herself as Deacon's girlfriend. Eventually Stacy gets in a bit of a mood about the fact that Deacon has boned both of the feature acts on the tour and never bothered to tell her about it. Rayna lies to Deacon that Stacy is great and she's really happy for him, and Deacon wonders if it might be time to go off the road and settle down. BUT THEN HOW WILL HE AND RAYNA FALL IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN? God, this show.
As will not surprise you, Teddy is totally banging Peggy in the bed of his and Rayna's house, despite Rayna's request that he keep it in his pants while on the premises. As will also not surprise you, Peggy shows up at the door wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath, because she's the worst. There was no beret atop her head, except in spirit. Lamar schemes about how to convince Teddy to build the baseball stadium on his land, and lands a winner when he finds out that it was Peggy who sold stories of Teddy and Rayna's divorce to the tabloids. She is really the dumb bitch to end all dumb bitches. Lamar threatens to reveal this information unless Peggy convinces Teddy to change his mind about the baseball stadium site. She gives it her best go, invoking the possibility of banging him in the governor's mansion one day. And just as Lamar is ready to toast his latest scheming victory with a glass of scotch and a hearty "Mwah ha ha ha!" he totally has a heart attack or something. But…now who will show up to be evil every so often?
In more romantic news, Gunnar and Scarlett are having a fantastic time being boyfriend-girlfriend UNTIL he learns that she was offered a contract with Rayna's label a month ago and hasn't told him about it. He distracts himself by bromancing their new upstairs neighbor, who is also a musician, and eventually Scarlett tells him that she won't sign the contract since they're partners and she owes her whole music career to him. But he tells her to sign it, since he's not a petty jealous jerk like Avery. And then they bone and say they love each other, not in that order.
And speaking of Avery, things aren't going so well for our master-burning lost soul. He meets up with Hailey and learns that he's only really of interest to the publishing company if he's attached to a label. He has to find a new record deal or pay back his advance. To make matters worse, Marilyn has blackballed him from playing basically any venue in town. While he's busking on the street corner he runs into former friend and bandmate JT, who gives him a hard time about his misfortunes before handing over contact info for a potential roadie gig. At the end of the episode Avery apparently gets the gig, and heads to New York to become a roadie for an unspecified tour that I'm guessing rhymes with "Zed Nips Slight Pies."