Changing Ground

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We open the episode with Rayna and Deacon in post-coital bliss, but alas! It is all a dream! And Rayna sure feels guilty for dreaming it when Teddy wakes her up with a cup of coffee. When she learns from Tandy that Teddy is way down in the polls, she's also guilty enough to offer to sing at his fundraiser. This is before she learns that it's being held at the country club frequented by all the former high school classmates who made fun of her for liking country music and whom she emphatically says are not "her people," even though everyone else says that they are. One of these is a lady named Peggy. Rayna thinks that Peggy has a crush on Teddy, and some shady eye contact at the fundraiser and a clandestine meeting in a car suggest that something nefarious is going on between them. And though the suggestion is that they're having an affair, I think this actually probably has to do with all the boring, evil, bad financial dealings.

Meanwhile, Deacon somewhat reluctantly agrees to play with Rayna and the rest of the band at the fundraiser, then gets into it with both Lamar and Teddy before they go onstage. And then while they're singing their opening number about changing ground, Teddy and Deacon engage in some sort of complicated dynamic that happens entirely in emasculating stares. Deacon seems to come out ahead, since Teddy leaves the room when they finish the song. This of course leads to yet another inscrutable conversation between Rayna and Deacon. Eventually they both cry a little, and when he asks if they're done, she says they're done. And I think she means DONE. At home, when Teddy says he can't deal with it anymore, Rayna tells him that she's firing Deacon. Noooooooooooo! How are they ever going to go on their intimate sexytimes tour? Plus, true love! Thwarted! In more positive news, I think Connie Britton is becoming a better singer. Hooray!

So, this is all light drama compared to what's going on with Juliette. The video of her shoplifting has of course gone viral and she's been disinvited from presenting at the CMAs and is the butt of every late night joke. She laughs it off, saying that all publicity is good publicity. But her manager, Glenn, and her publicist, McKenna, disagree. They finally convince her to do an interview with Good Morning America, and though they provide her with a script to set the record straight in a way that won't hurt the Juliette Barnes brand, she goes rogue. Juliette first tries to convince Robin Roberts that she just put the nail polish in her purse so it wouldn't slip through the holes in the basket, then says that jealous people are just trying to bring her down. But you can't fool Robin Roberts, who then starts asking Juliette about her mom's arrest. Juliette freaks and walks out on the interview, and then everything goes all to hell. With sponsors pulling out, her tour is off for now and Glenn wants to dump her. Finally humbled, she asks him not to and promises to do everything that he tells her to. In return, he wants to know why she stole the nail polish. The answer is that it was tastier and more nutritious than eating MethMom's pink macaroni dinner. Eventually, Juliette calls Deacon, who is sucked in by her genuine sadness and vulnerability.

Meanwhile, Gunnar and Scarlett land a publishing deal, which is no surprise. Avery is less than excited by this, which is also no surprise. What IS a surprise of the pleasant variety is Gunnar's burgeoning romance with Hailey, an assistant at the publisher. She's a hot hottie who loves yogurt, and so makes the ideal mate. While they have sex and yogurt jokes, Avery is a total dick to Scarlett. Again. Still. She wants him to support her like she supports him, and he says that he's trying. Maybe if he washed his hair once in a while he would be more magnanimous?

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Previously: Rayna and Teddy's financial situation was more precarious than she knew, in part because of Teddy's shady-secret-burned-papers business dealings. Lamar was pleased about the shadiness, since a mayor with secrets is easier to control, but not pleased about Rayna's career in country music, since his now-deceased wife had a long term affair with a singer-songwriter. Speaking of affairs, it seems less and less likely that Rayna and Deacon are going to have one, sadly. Gunnar tried to convince Avery to be supportive of Scarlett's burgeoning songwriting career, and the combination of Juliette's infamous MethMom showing up in town and Deacon turning down her exclusive bandleader/boyfriend contract was enough to send her to Walgreens. Where she pocketed a bottle of nail polish. In view of three young fans. Who made a video of her with their phones. D'oh!

We enter on a cozy boudoir scene. The lights are low and sheets are tangled. Someone has been getting busy. We pan up to learn that one of the getting busy parties is Rayna, and the other is Deacon! And I mean, it was pretty easy to call that this was a dream. Not a Bobby Ewing-caliber dream, but a dream nonetheless. Rayna and Deacon dream-talk about how much they've missed having the sexytimes together, and as they start going for another round someone keeps going, "Hey... Hey." It turns out that it's Teddy, who's waking Rayna up with a cup of coffee. He lovingly calls her sleepyhead, and she looks guilty in response. And after he leaves, telling her to take her time, she looks even guiltier. As if she's not had a sex dream about Deacon every night for the last ten years!

Meanwhile, there is some very loud knocking on Juliette's door. She answers, annoyed and still in her nightie, to find two cops. She asks what her mama did now, and offers to let them take her. They could probably actually lure her out by crinkling a bag of pork rinds. But it turns out that the cops aren't looking for Jolene -- they're looking for Juliette. One of them hands her a paper and says that shoplifting is a class A misdemeanor. He adds, "I'm sure by now you've seen the video. About four million people have." Juliette just laughs, tells them to get a real job, then slams the door in their faces. I'd think that would be at least a class B misdemeanor! Or maybe it's just Juliette being her typical lovely self.

Back at the Jaymes/Conrad manse, Rayna asks Tandy what's really going on with Teddy's campaign. It turns out that the voters of Nashville are smart, and Teddy is down twelve points. Rayna is shocked and Tandy adds that he's practically on life support. The girls are there and Rayna gives them a ten-minute warning. Per usual, Maddie is rather teenager-y about it and Daphne is a cute little sassmeister. When Maddie asks Tandy if Teddy is going to win the election, Tandy says, "Absolutely." Rayna seems just a little put off by the facility with which her sister can lie. When Tandy mentions that Teddy is having a fundraiser that weekend, Rayna suggests that she could sing. The sisters banter for a while, and eventually Tandy says that though Teddy wouldn't say so, a Rayna Jaymes performance would help a lot. Rayna says that she's in just before Tandy breaks the news that the fundraiser is at the country club. As Rayna wonders what she's done, Maddie comes running back in with the Juliette Barnes video loaded on her phone. Rayna seems too involved in her own personal drama to be able to take much glee from it.

Cut back to Juliette's house where her smug assessment of the video is, "Four million views... not bad." Glenn is on the phone and in a bit of a panic, while Jolene blathers on about the lack of suitable cereal options. Shouldn't she be eating, like, sawdust for breakfast? Glenn tells Juliette that McKenna is on her way to JFK. Juliette is a little taken aback, and notes that McKenna has Kristin Stewart to worry about. They totally dubbed that in! I feel like they could have just safely kept in "Lindsay," for any air date now or in the future. It turns out that McKenna is Juliette's publicist, and the appropriate person to call in the event of a publicity nightmare. As Jolene complains that Juliette has no milk, Juliette complains that Jolene has to stay in her house. Glenn can't believe that Juliette is complaining about anything other than her own shoddy scandal-creating behavior. Juliette tells Glenn to relax because, as McKenna would say, any publicity is good publicity. Glenn seems certain that this is NOT what McKenna would say at this particular moment, and Juliette snits back, "At least I look good." Except she didn't, really.

And then it's time to check in with Scarlett, who's writing magical poems in the little toadstool where she lives. Avery comes home after a long day of... doing whatever it is he does... and Scarlett notes that she's just been sitting around waiting for the phone to ring, apparently with news of whether she and Gunnar got a publishing deal. Avery points out that, after putting exactly no effort into her career, she got to record a demo with Watty White. That's an opportunity that a lot of people would kill for, he says. Does this mean there's a chance that Avery will kill Scarlett? Silver lining! To take her mind off of it all, the two start making out. They are interrupted by Gunnar, who's come with what seems like sad news. But it's not! It's happy news. They got the publishing deal! Scarlett runs into Avery's not exactly waiting arms, giddy with excitement. Avery is neither giddy nor excited, as you might have guessed.

And then suddenly it's bedtime at Rayna's house. As she reads a magazine and waits to fall into blissful Deacon-sex-dreams slumber, Teddy enters and they talk about her impending performance at his fundraiser. He thanks her, and Rayna says that he can tell her if things aren't going well with the campaign. Teddy claims that things are fine, but Rayna comes back with the info that she got from her sister, "Mouth of the South" Tandy. Teddy says that there's a huge margin of error for internal polling, and adds that he's really just trying to spare her all the campaigning-polling-Lamar-country club-drama. I mean, it is true that she did not seem quite so eager to be engaged in this particular endeavor. Rayna is also not particularly eager to sing at the country club. She suggests changing the venue -- to an airport, Mars, hell, even Connecticut. Now that's desperation.

Back at Juliette's, the weight of her current predicament seems to be sinking in a little as Glenn continues to make panicked phone calls, Katie Couric mentions the scandal on her talk show, and Jolene comes out with two huge bags of nail polish and wonders why she'd bother stealing anything when she has all these fancy colors. Juliette grabs the bags and implores Glenn to send Jolene back to Birmingham, but he says that's for the judge to decide... in seven weeks. Juliette yells at Glenn to pull some strings, and tries the old, "Tell them who I am" argument. Glenn notes that Juliette's name won't do all that much good in the justice system right now. Desperate to get away from her mom, Juliette goes to take a drive and probably steal some shoelaces or something. But when she gets to her gate, she finds a whole bunch of paparazzi waiting. As her assistant suggests turning around, Juliette says that this is a nightmare. And not the kind of hot nightmare where you get to have sex with Deacon.

Soon, McKenna arrives in her stylish suit and fancy shoes. Glenn is awfully glad to see her, but Juliette, in full yoga gear, just continues to do downward dogs and ignore her. That is until McKenna says that she drafted a press release on the plane, which they need to get out as soon as possible. Juliette doesn't want to put out any sort of statement, but McKenna says that her fans deserve an explanation. If they don't get ahead of this thing, she adds, the fallout could be huge. To that end, McKenna has also booked Juliette on Good Morning America, which you also may recognize as an ABC program. Juliette starts in on the "isn't there any real news" track, though I'm guessing that if people cared about real news she wouldn't be such a huge star in the first place. But Juliette is resolute that there will be no statement, and no interview, Namaste. I feel like even the Buddha would be like, "...Just go talk to Robin Roberts already."

Then we're back at the Capitol Grille, which must be a sponsor of this show. There are a LOT of good restaurants in Nashville, is all I'm saying, and we've seen this one a few times now. Bucky calls Deacon from the bar to ask if he'll play with Rayna at Teddy's fundraiser. Deacon, from a diner booth, wonders if Bucky has talked to Rayna. He notes that he's supporting Coleman Carlise. I mean, so is Rayna, really. Eventually Deacon agrees, and when he hangs up the phone we see that he's actually sitting with Cole, who notes that it's hard to say no to the Wyatt/Jaymes/Conrad family. And it turns out that Cole is Deacon's sponsor! Jeez, everyone in this town is either an alcoholic or a sex addict, which is why it's such a fun place to visit.

Meanwhile, Scarlett and Gunnar tour the offices of their new music publisher. En route to the writers' rooms they pass through the fully stocked kitchen, and Gunnar goes in the fridge to grab a yogurt. That is VERY country of him. As he's leaving he meets the owner of said yogurt, a foxy brunette named Hailey, who is assistant to the woman who runs the publishing house. Turns out she's a fan of Gunnar and Scarlett's demo, and also now of Gunnar's hot bod. As Hailey takes pains to determine if Gunnar is single, Gunnar takes pains to express that he is single. As Scarlett interrupts the moment and Gunnar heads back to the writers' room, Hailey flirtatiously tells Gunnar to keep his mitts off her yogurt. Ah, there is no true love stronger than that which starts with flirty probiotics!

Back at Rayna's house, Bucky is giving her options for the fundraiser. She thinks it makes sense to have a full band, but adds that they'll have to get someone else on guitar since there's no way Deacon will do it. The combination of a country club setting and Lamar is enough that not even Rayna wants to do it, so she's certain that Deacon will decline. Bucky then tells her that he already talked to Deacon, who didn't have a problem with it. Well, I wouldn't go quiiiite that far. Rayna looks vaguely skeptical but says that if Deacon can deal with it, she can deal with it. And everything that happens heretofore with these two is kind of Bucky's fault, given his Parent Trap shenanigans.

Back at Juliette's, the diva herself is getting wardrobed. She hates the dress she's wearing, saying that it makes her look like a poor hillbilly. She's a rich hillbilly now, dagnabbit! Jolene says that she kind of likes it, and Juliette cuts her down with a withering, "You would." Meanwhile, Glenn gets off of a call and glares at the complaining Juliette. It turns out that Juliette is welcome to attend the CMAs, but is being taken off of the list of presenters. He adds that she's getting slammed on all of the late night shows, and Saturday Night Live is doing an opening sketch that features her kleptomaniacal self. He's clearly at the end of his rope, and tells her that as quickly as she came up in this business, she can disappear. She's no Martina McBride or Rayna Jaymes, who earned their longevity. As good as she is (is she?), she'll have to earn that too. McKenna agrees, saying that this is a make or break moment and Juliette has one shot to set the record straight and be the person the world thinks she is. E.g., not a poor hillbilly. If she wants to keep the lavish lifestyle to which she's become accustomed, Glenn suggests that she take that shot. A resigned Juliette tells them to schedule the GMA interview.

We then catch up with Gunnar and Scarlett, who are having dinner with the head of the publishing company, along with Avery and Hailey. Gunnar talks about being in Nashville for three years, and it's obvious that he moved there in hopes of being a songwriter. Scarlett of course just followed Avery to Nashville. She says that the songwriting thing was a bit of an accident, though she's always written poems and stories. She then starts waxing poetic about the writing process and imagery, you know, because she's so deep. Scarlett doesn't want to go on and on, given that she's just starting out, but her publisher says that she's better than a lot of people who have been doing it for a lot longer. Zoom in on Avery, who looks none too thrilled to even be in the room. Gunnar notes that Deacon is Scarlett's uncle, but she says that most of what she learned came from Avery. She talks up what a great songwriter he is, and Avery gets very weird and hostile about it. Gunnar changes the topic by asking about Hailey, partly to cut the tension and partly to get in her pants.

When then cut to a walk-through at the country club, where Rayna is faced with her worst nightmare -- a committee of country club women, many of whom she seems to have gone to high school with. She lies that she's thrilled to be there, and that it will be nice to see so many old familiar faces. And then another lady comes in, and tries to scoot out once she sees Rayna. Someone else spots her and calls her over before she can get out, though, and we learn that this is Peggy. She's played by Kimberly Williams-Paisley, who is married to Brad Paisley and thus knows a thing or two about being a country music spouse. Rayna and Peggy are very awkward together, and Teddy also looks awfully uncomfortable. Nonetheless, he comes over and greets Peggy (who goes by Margaret now, even though everyone continues to call her Peggy), and the suspicious looks going back and forth are numerous and of top quality.

With the publisher's dinner over, Hailey asks Gunnar, Scarlett, and Avery if they want to go for another round. Scarlett seems like she's on board, but Avery wants to call it a night. Scarlett agrees through sad chipmunk cheeks. As they walk off, Avery is a total dick to her. He says he hates when she talks up his music, because he doesn't need her help. Right, because he's been so successful so far! And then he gets on her case about the writing process crap and asks when she became such an expert. And you know, he IS a total asshole, but I can also see where he's coming from. She's like, "Oh mah gawrsh look what the stork brought me! A publishin' deal!" I mean, there's not paying your dues, and then there's not even ever having heard of dues. Avery is so peeved that he walks home. I think what he really should be mad about is the fact that he didn't figure out how to exploit her raw talent first. Well played, Gunnar!

Back at their house, Teddy and Rayna have a chat about Peggy. Rayna claims that Peggy still has the hots for Teddy, and Teddy pretends not to know what she's talking about. He says it's been fifteen years. So I guess they dated? Rayna doesn't seem jealous exactly, just sort of amiably put out. She's also been thrown off by being at the country club and seeing "those people." Teddy says, "They're you're people," and Rayna is shocked. She says that they're her daddy's people, and Teddy's people now. Rich Republicans -- they come in handy when you're running for mayor. Rayna notes that she has a very different worldview from most of them, and adds that just about every woman there would make a better politician's wife than she does. I think that's mostly due to lack of interest. Teddy seems a little touched by her vulnerability, and tells her that he didn't marry her because she'd be a good politician's wife. She asks why he did marry her. He does not say, "Because you were knocked up with another dude's baby and in kind of a bind." Instead, Teddy says, "...Because you dazzle me. And you always have." Now, that's pretty sweet. Sometimes I think that they're actually a cute couple and that they really do love each other. I mean, I don't think they've had sex in about six years, but still.

We cut to Juliette's Twitter feed, where a whole bunch of folks seem to have opinions about her recent fall from grace. Juliette is starting to look concerned, and just in time we have Jolene telling her to look on the bright side -- she's whipped up a batch of Juliette's favorite dish, which is called "pink macaroni." Just like Juliette likes it, with the ketchup and big ole' dollop of cream cheese. And, I mean, I am as much of a fan of the tacky church fundraiser cookbooks as anyone, but "pink macaroni" seems a little extreme. Juliette yells that she doesn't eat that crap -- after all, she's moved on to the gastronomical favorite of foodies everywhere: Kraft singles. She then attacks Jolene for pretending to act like a good mom when she's really casing Juliette's house to see what she can sell for drugs. I mean, that's a pretty fair assumption. Jolene looks distraught, and Juliette grabs her backpack and dumps out the contents. But instead of finding the good silverware or jewelry or a Ziploc bag full of $100 bills, she finds a photo of Jolene napping with a baby who I assume is Juliette. And then everybody cries. I have to say that Hayden Panettiere is pretty much killing it in this role. Who knew?

After a break, we return to a post-coital moment. There are a lot of those on this show! This time it's Gunnar and Hailey, who wasted exactly no time getting down to business. She wonders exactly how awkward this is going to be at work, not yet realizing that Gunnar is only into fake-awkward moments that in reality make things not awkward. Hailey says that this can be a one-time thing, but both of them look like they'd at least like to make it a two-time thing. Gunnar thinks that Hailey is like a dude, except for the yogurt, obviously. We see sad Scarlett drive up to Gunnar's place juuuuust as he and Hailey are exiting arm in arm. I feel like this is some specific imagery that she can use to communicate a universal experience, per her own writing philosophy.

Back at Juliette's, McKenna is going over the details of the GMA interview with Robin Roberts, which will be via satellite and air the morning. McKenna says that they have a great relationship with Robin, who is fair but thorough. She asks if Juliette has checked out the prep document. Juliette doesn't know what a prep document is, and so McKenna has to spell out for her the questions that Robin will likely ask. This is why she gets paid the big bucks and can afford such nice shoes. The topics McKenna poses include why Juliette stole when she has so much money, what kind of example this sets for her young fans, and how she's now lumped in with the likes of Lindsay and Winona. Juliette argues that she didn't rob Saks, doesn't have three DUIs, and isn't some white trash lowlife who was caught raising roosters to peck each others' eyes out. I think the "white trash lowlife" part is debatable. Evidence A: Pink macaroni. Juliette doesn't see what the big deal is over one bottle of nail polish. McKenna tells her not to defend herself in the interview because it will just make things worse. Juliette spent a lot of time hiding where she came from, says McKenna, and the last thing she wants is to expose it now. She's got her image and brand to protect, and McKenna wants her to stay on message, be honest, and take responsibility. Juliette says that she got it, but her signature smirk lets us know that what she's got is actually a deep pile of shit that she's gleefully about to step into.

Meanwhile, Scarlett is confessing her quarter life crisis to Deacon. She says she came to Nashville to be with Avery and support him, but while he's been struggling, she and Gunnar got a deal without even trying. Deacon points out that Gunnar has actually been trying for quite a while. It's Scarlett who is basically the non-trying-est/luckiest person alive, as everyone knows. Deacon tells her that people grow, sometimes at different rates, and it's not easy to be the one who's always struggling to catch up. And Avery's either going to grow or be left behind, and that's that. I think Deacon can relate to the "left behind" part here.

Cut to backstage at the country club, where Rayna asks Bucky for a cigarette. It turns out that she doesn't smoke, but just wants to hold it. That's one particularly ineffective way of calming your nerves. She wonders where Deacon is, and Bucky says he just texted him. But Deacon isn't really a texter, as Rayna knows. Can you imagine him writing an "LOL," ever? Rayna paces and paces and finally admits that she's nervous to be back at the country club. Bucky tells her that she's among her people, and Rayna wonders why everyone keeps saying that. She emphasizes again that these are not her people -- in fact, they're the same people who made fun of her in high school for liking country music. Bucky tells her to enjoy the last laugh of being a big star, and she once again asks for a cigarette to hold. Bucky does so, realizing that part of a manager's job is to cater to the crazy person.

And speaking of crazy people, Juliette is settling into her interview. She's via satellite with Robin Roberts, who brings up Lindsay and Winona just like McKenna said she would. Robin asks how Juliette explains the shoplifting video, and Juliette makes up a cockamamie story about how jealous people are that she's young, rich and famous. Bad call, girl. She says that she put the nail polish in her purse because she didn't want it to fall through the basket, which elicits a "Girl, please," look from Robin. We all know those slats were completely covered by the jars of queso. Juliette goes on about how difficult it is for her to go out of her house without being followed or harassed, and says that when you're on top, some people are not just waiting for you to fall, but also giving you a little push. Glenn and McKenna can't believe it. But the real kicker comes when Robin asks if it's true that Juliette's mother was arrested for possession of drugs. Juliette declares the interview over, rips off her microphone, and storms out. Meanwhile, the fake-producers of GMA do a dance of joy.

Deacon finally shows up at the country club and it appears that he is awfully late. He confirms that he "doesn't do texts," and Rayna, sensing impending doom, asks everyone to clear out. Lamar, of course, can't resist needling Deacon, thanking him for finally gracing the rest of them with his presence and sarcastically saying that they're in no rush. Teddy seems to want to take the high road, asking Lamar to leave with him so the musicians can get ready. But Lamar wouldn't be Lamar if he weren't a moustache-twirling dick, so instead he tells Deacon that they can always count on him to be underdressed, particularly at a $1,400 per ticket event where there's no need to look presentable. And I mean, Deacon could be wearing something a little nicer, truth be told. But it's not like he's in a tank top. It's fine. Deacon looks at Rayna, who just shakes her head. He tells Lamar that he's only doing this as a favor for Rayna, and Lamar says, "Why don't you begrudge one tiny little favor for a family that's carried you on its back for 20 years?" Whoa, pops!

Of course Deacon can't just leave it, and says that HE'S not the one who's been carried by the Wyatt/Jaymeses. That would be ass-kissing Teddy's job. Then Teddy gets pissed off and says that he didn't even ask Deacon to be there, and Rayna tries to diffuse the situation to no avail. The testosterone is really flying now, and so Deacon says that he isn't even voting for Teddy, and everyone in Nashville knows that Teddy is just a straw man for Lamar. Well, that much is true. There is a lot of insulting yet very honest statements in this terrible conversation! As things escalate and Rayna yells at everyone to shut up, Teddy asks Deacon if he's been drinking again. Then the two stare at each other for a while, and finally make out. Kidding! But that would really be a great twist. Rayna asks if they can please just get the show over with, and Teddy eventually walks out. This is what happens when you have an evil father and a ten-year long love triangle, I guess.

So, back at Juliette's, there are a large amount of people in crisis mode. The tease for the GMA interview is all over the internet, walkout included. When the label gets wind of this, says McKenna, they're toast. Juliette stares and watches everyone working hard before asking Glenn, "How bad?" Bad enough that she's losing tour sponsors, it turns out. For now, the tour is off. Juliette finally seems like she's getting an idea of how serious this is. But I have to say, why hasn't someone advised her to play up the drug addict mom bit? Everyone loves a good, dirty tragic upbringing, especially if it also involves being very poor. I mean, the pink macaroni I'd leave out, but growing up completely neglected by your parent whilst living in a trailer makes you a pretty marketable country artist.

Back at the fundraiser, Lamar butters up the crowd, introduces Teddy (at whom Peggy is making some serious eyes), and gives a very enthusiastic introduction for Rayna. And then Rayna comes out and sings a song that was written by none other than the wonderful Gillian Welch. It's called "Changing Ground," and is further evidence that this show is doing music right. Thank you, T Bone Burnett and Buddy Miller! So, several things are happening during this song -- the GROUND is CHANGING, if you will. Rayna is looking at Deacon, who is singing harmony, and Deacon is looking at Teddy. And not just looking, but staring. And not just staring, but staring-down. It makes me feel very uncomfortable, and I'm only watching it on TV. Meanwhile, Peggy makes more eyes at Teddy and motions for him to meet her outside. He shakes his head no. The other thing that's happening is that Connie Britton's voice is getting better, or they've figured out the right balance of Auto-Tune or something! Huzzah!

So, Deacon finally wins the stare-off when Teddy breaks to go shake someone's hand and gives a dorky thumbs up. I wish these two would just whip it out and see whose is bigger, already. So many problems could be solved! When the song ends to a standing ovation, Teddy walks out and Rayna looks concerned.

Backstage after the show, Deacon tells Rayna that he doesn't even know what that Teddy stuff was. It was you beating your chest like an ape! I'm surprised he didn't throw Rayna over his shoulder after and carry her offstage. Rayna says it seemed to her like it was him taking the bait. Lamar's bait! He is like a fisherman of misery. Rayna doesn't know what Deacon was thinking, and says that he's not only self-destructive, but regular old destructive-destructive. But... I mean, he totally WAS getting insulted. Though not by Teddy, who really bore the brunt of the lashing-out. Hmmmm. Rayna says, "I can't believe you put us in this position." Deacon asks, "Which us?" She can't answer. And thus begins another confusing Rayna and Deacon conversation. I'm all for subtlety and subtext, but I do wish the writers of the show would actually have these two be a wee bit clearer when they talk to each other about Important Matters and Feelings. It's a little unsettling to watch significant scenes between principal characters two weeks in a row and go, "Huh?"

Anyway, Deacon says, "I thought you needed me," and Rayna tearfully says that she does need him. He doesn't know what to do with that anymore, and neither does she. She paces and looks worried, and says that now she's going to have to go home. Instead of banging him like she wants to? What is even happening? Deacon asks if they're done here, and Rayna gives a very meaningful, "Yeah, we're done." Didn't they already break up last week, though?

Back at home, Rayna sits cross-legged as Teddy walks in their bedroom. He says, "I can't deal with it anymore." I think he's talking about the two giant painted portraits of their daughters, which do indeed prove that the country club set are their people. Who has those, other than Real Housewife Sonja Morgan? Anyway, Rayna knows that Teddy is fed up. Teddy says that he's her husband, and Rayna replies, "I'm firing him." But... nooooooo! The intimate duo sexytimes tour must go on! RIGHT? I guess this is the "us" and the "position" that Rayna was talking about in the inscrutable conversation. Terribly played, everybody. Except for Lamar, of course, who got exactly what he wanted.

Meanwhile, there is some awfully big tension between Scarlett and Avery. She wants to talk about it, and finally says that she doesn't want to feel bad about the deal. Furthermore, she really wants to write, and would love it if Avery supported her like she supports him. He says that he's trying. Not very hard, but still.

Back at the publishing office, Hailey opens the fridge to find a whole bunch of yogurts with her name on them, literally. When you have a publishing deal, I guess you can afford lots of yogurt. Gunnar comes around the corner and says that it's his yogurt, which is a strange and yet I suppose charming way of flirting. Kids these days! So on board with the acidophilus and the romance.

And THEN. Teddy drives to a secluded parking lot of some sort, where he gets out of his car and into Peggy's. He thanks her for coming, and she says that this is torture, and that she felt sick at the fundraiser. He knows and is sorry, and says that the campaign changes everything. People have been digging into his past. Peggy tells him that someone is going to find out. Find out WHAT? He asks if she's told anyone, and she says that she hasn't. Bu the two of them have kept "this secret" for a long time, and she thinks it's better if they come clean on their own terms. ABOUT WHAT? Teddy acknowledges that what they did (WHAT?) was really stupid, but she can't talk about it (WHAT?) to anyone. His campaign, marriage, and family depends on it, and so does hers. DEPENDS ON WHAT? And though this sort of makes it seem like they are/were having an affair, I bet it has to do with his financial scandal and burned papers. Otherwise wouldn't they be making out already?

Meanwhile, Juliette sits alone at home, being sad. Glenn comes in and says that their working relationship isn't panning out. She asks if he's dropping her, and he says that his job is to give her the best advice he can. And whatever problems she had, the interview and subsequent walk-out made them exponentially worse. Juliette understands this for real, finally. She turns her back, and begs Glenn not to drop her. She wants her tour back, and wants her image restored, and promises that she'll do whatever it takes, and whatever Glenn says. What Glenn really wants to know is why she took the nail polish. Juliette says that it's something she used to do as a kid, and it made her feel like she could take care of herself when nobody else would. And that makes total sense. It also makes sense that she'd regress and return to that behavior with MethMom in the house using up all her ketchup and cream cheese. Glenn agrees to stay, as long as Juliette listens. As he leaves he tells her to call a friend and get her mind off of this. But Juliette doesn't have friends -- she has people who want to be seen with her. Or used to. And at least 70 percent of that is her fault, I'd say. She doesn't seem like the kind of person you'd just love to pal around with. Though her nail polish collection is unparalleled and could make for a quality girls' night.

But Juliette does have one person to call, and it isn't Ghostbusters. As she eats cold pink macaroni out of the casserole dish, she dials Deacon. He, of course, is feeling awfully friendless right now, and is just sitting alone in his car like a creeper. He asks if she's alright, and she says, "Not really." And then Deacon asks if she's doing anything at the moment. She gets a little smile, despite the fact that there is no longer enough pink macaroni to share. Here we go again!

time: MethMom strikes again! Avery gets jealous about Scarlett and Gunnar's relationship. Teddy asks Rayna what exactly went on with her and Deacon, and Deacon decks someone. We can only hope it's Lamar!

Potes's version of pink macaroni is called "pizza casserole," and she would like you to know that it's delicious. Tweet her @traciepotes or email potesypotes@gmail.com.