| Season 1 | Episode 1
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Reigning queen of country music Rayna Jaymes is having a bit of a tough week. First she's notified by her label that her new album is a dud, and tickets for the tour she's about to launch in a few weeks haven't been selling. Her flawless head of hair seems to be no help in this matter, and so the suits at the label have hatched an idea: Rayna can combine tours and "co-headline" with country-pop crossover ingénue Juliette Barnes. Juliette is a mean, talentless, and busty lass who no doubt is into vajazzling, and who could give less than a hot chicken wing about Rayna and her plight. Rayna is not thrilled about the idea of essentially opening for Juliette either, but only has a couple of days to think about it or face ambiguous dire consequences. Part of Rayna's problem is that her deadbeat white-collar husband lost all of their money somehow, and if they want to keep their house she needs to get to work.
But that's not the only problem that Rayna faces! She not only has to face up to the ongoing humiliation that is Juliette's astronomical success, but also has to deal with the fact that Juliette is trying to a) hire b) sleep with c) all of the above, a great deal of the men in her life. First it's her producer Randy, who gives Juliette three radio-friendly songs that Rayna had formerly passed on. But the one that's really going to hurt is Deacon, Rayna's lead guitarist and bandleader and -- we are to infer -- the true love of her life. Rayna and Deacon may not be banging now, but they did at one time and Deacon is quite possibly the secret babydaddy of one of Rayna's kids. I mean, the secret babydaddy could be someone else, but Rayna is so likeable and upstanding that one hopes she'd only cheat on even her deadbeat husband with someone who is that superior in the true love arts, despite the fact that he wears a denim shirt with jeans.
And speaking of daddies, Rayna's is a doozy. It turns out he is very, very rich, and very, very evil. It is all he can do not to yell, "Mwah ha ha ha!" at the end of every scene - even the ones that he's not in. Daddy Dearest wants Rayna's husband, Teddy, to run for mayor of Nashville so he can build a major league baseball field, and probably do many other things that are a whole lot more nefarious. Teddy doesn't really have much else going on right now, so is quick to take up the offer even though he has no actual political experience. Rayna is less thrilled about the idea, given the fact that she hates her dad and knows that no good can come of being under his thumb. Though she was scheduled to sing at the campaign announcement of a good friend who also is running for Mayor, Rayna faces a tough choice as to whether she's going to stand by her man against her better judgment. And FYI, Rayna is not the only one with parent issues! It turns out that Juliette's mom is a giant meth-head, which might explain why she's so stank all the time.
And then there's the significant musical and romantic subplot! Deacon has a niece named Scarlett, who is a poet working at the famed Bluebird Café. Because Scarlett is a dumb-ass who lives inside of a mushroom cap with hummingbirds as her handmaidens, she never thought of turning her poems into songs despite the fact that a) she hears music in her head when she writes them; b) SHE LIVES IN FREAKING NASHVILLE. Eventually her Bluebird colleague, Gunnar, convinces her to let him help put them to music. Gunnar has a major, major crush on Scarlett and is clearly her perfect match despite the fact that she's hard-core into her cocky songwriter boyfriend Avery. But it's Gunnar and Scarlett's song that is the real showstopper. Rayna's ally, legendary producer and songwriter Watty White, happens to be in the audience when they perform it at the Bluebird's open mic and gives Rayna a call to hear it, saying that he has an idea. It turns out that Rayna is in need of ideas, since, in regard to the "co-headlining" tour proposal, she told the head of her label to kiss her decision as it walked out the door. She's also in need of a bit of good fortune, since she ultimately decided to support Teddy for his mayoral run, despite her clearly superior instincts and the fact that it is obviously going to be disastrous.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!It's the Nashville pilot! Get out your banjo and hot chicken and settle in. We enter with gorgeous overhead shots of the city and surrounding verdant landscape. The Eli Young Band sings us in with a song that sounds peppy and lovely, but when you hear the final line of the chorus -- "Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart" -- you can rest assured that there are plenty of hard times to come. We get a quick shot of Printers Alley in which -- tourism fun fact! -- you will find establishments that have signs outside advertising naked karaoke. Don't fall for it, they're just strip clubs. Uh, not that I know from experience.
Soon enough we're in the big, beautiful house of our protagonist, Rayna Jaymes. The preponderance of "y"s in her name can only indicate a complex, sensitive soul. Is it a vowel? Is it a consonant? It's sometimes both! Just like life. TWoP: Your new source for Zen wisdom. Rayna, who is getting ready for work (and for her "work" entails being a country music superstar), kisses her two daughters, the littlest of whom is held by her husband Teddy. Little daughter Maddie asks Teddy why mama has to go to work and he says that someone around there has to earn a living. As he explains with a kiss that they are now the type of rich known as "cash poor," we are left to wonder why he's so affable about being a deadbeat.
But no matter! Soon we are on stage with Rayna Jaymes and her glorious hair and sequined jacket as she sings about the long, long road to independence and demons and riding shotgun and already being gone. It's classic country fare and I could probably listen to it for hours were it not for the fact that, to put it politely, she cannot fucking sing. And let me be clear, here. Connie Britton is glorious generally and in this role and seems to have recovered quite well from her recent birthing of the devil's spawn. But. It is difficult to contrast heroine Rayna's genuine country-fried talent with the caterwauling of her skanky upstart nemesis Juliette Barnes when her voice is thin as the measly strands that cling to existence under John Travolta's toupee. Sorry, Connie Britton, I still love you! And I am working really hard to suspend my disbelief! I will add that this show needs to hire some lip syncing consultants stat.
Rayna leaves the stage to copious cheering and yells, "God bless Watty White!" I had to rewind this bit about 14 times before I realized that was the name of a person and use all of my collective Googling skills to figure out the spelling of "Watty." And this is a Grand Ole Opry celebration of Watty, because he is a legendary producer and songwriter. And Rayna is the reigning queen of country! OR IS SHE? And here's a fun fact for you: the Grand Ole Opry is in a giant outlet mall. Or, technically, I suppose, across the parking lot from one. You go hoping to find the ghost of Johnny Cash and instead are faced with a J. Crew Factory Store. Lots of weird feelings abound and you wind up wishing you had just toured the Ryman instead. Backstage, Rayna hugs Watty White and wonders where in the world she'd be without him. Well she certainly wouldn't be as strong a contender in the alliteration Olympics! (Side note: If you ever accidentally liked an Eagles song, actor J.D. Souther is quite possibly responsible.)
| Season 1 | Episode 1
Meanwhile, a blonde girl runs up to Rayna's bandleader, Deacon Claybourne, and hugs him. It's his niece Scarlett, who is a huge fan of Rayna's. She's moved to Nashville and is working at the legendary Bluebird Café, which Rayna calls "the Mecca." If you ever do go to Nashville, do not be fooled by the fact that the Bluebird is in a strip mall -- it really is wonderful. Rayna hasn't seen Scarlett since she was a little teeny tiny thing and -- spoiler alert! -- Rayna was banging her uncle. Scarlett is a poet, but she introduces her boyfriend, Avery Barkley, who is, in fact, a songwriter. Stupid songwriters. They're always crawling out from some hole, asking you to listen to their feelings and validate them. As a songwriter, I am allowed say this. Scarlett has worshiped Rayna since she was a little girl and though her face is structured in such a way that it would seem impossible to get any words past both her cheekbones and her teeth, she makes her adulation quite clear. I have a feeling this may come in handy in future episodes! Rayna tells her not to hesitate if there's anything she can help with, because Scarlett is family.
And then it is time to meet Juliette Barnes. She's sitting in a chair having lip gloss applied as her assistant mentions appointments in New York with Good Morning America and Vogue. She also has to approve a perfume bottle for her new sure-to-be ungodly smelling fragrance. A few months ago I got a sample of Taylor Swift's perfume in my Birchbox and made the grave mistake of spraying it on myself before throwing it in the trash. It was the olfactory equivalent of her singing "Rhiannon" at the Grammys. The prototype bottles are filled with water, and Juliette says that she can't choose one without smelling the perfume, which is our immediate clue that she's a real dumb-ass. The assistant then answers the phone and reports that Juliette's mom is on the line. Juliette shoots daggers from her eyes. More daggers. She pretends like she can't hear her mother on the line, hangs up, and then tells her assistant that it's part of her job to ensure that mommy dearest does not get her number. The assistant had just changed the number, but Juliette tells her to change it again as she throws the phone in the trash. And the assistant must have spent so much time bedazzling it to Juliette's specifications!
Juliette's manager-guy comes in and tells her it's time and to be nice. She says, in the snittiest way possible, that she's always nice. I will bet six CMA awards that that is a falsehood. She wonders how what's about to happen will benefit her and manager guy says that it's not for her, it's for the label. AND it involves Rayna. Manager guy wants Juliette to kiss the ring and tell Rayna that she's a big fan, which garners a bratty, "Oh, come on," from Juliette. She's just so easy to hate! I find that to be a rather endearing character trait.
| Season 1 | Episode 1
We then see Rayna warmly greet Coleman Carlisle and his wife Audrey. Cole is announcing his run for mayor Monday and would like Rayna to sing a song. She's going to check with "Bucky," which I thought initially was a stupid nickname for her husband, but maybe is actually her manager? Even with repeated watchings, I was never entirely clear on this point. In any case, Rayna seems to really like Cole. He asks if her dad's there, and she says that he doesn't go for the hillbilly music. This is -- spoiler alert! -- because he is eeeeeeeeevillllllllllll.
Juliette then runs into Deacon backstage and gushes about what a big fan she is and how she has one of his early albums on vinyl. He makes some charmingly self-deprecating remarks and she continues to gush, and it almost seems genuine. After she leaves, Deacon makes a joke at the mandolin player's expense. This is just meant to distract from the fact that mandolin players always have the biggest penises. Meanwhile, Juliette is still gushing to manager guy about how much she loves Deacon, and manager guy says that he's the best. Juliette wonders why he's not in her band, and manager guy notes that Deacon has been with Rayna for over 20 years. He adds an ambiguous, "Hey, if you can get him..." which obviously foretells blowjobs. Scarlett's boyfriend, Avery, then actually bumps in to Juliette as they're passing in the hall. He apologizes and she says, "It's all right. You should try that again sometime. Only slower." In case you didn't infer it from her sequined dress and prominent décolletage, Juliette has a bit of a problem with the skankery. Scarlett is not amused, but can't get a cutting retort past her teeth before Juliette prances off.
Rayna then walks into a room full of suits, including Watty White. The other guys are manager producer label types and to be honest I can't tell any of them apart. White guys in suits sort of blend into each other after a while. Juliette comes in and her manager guy says that she's a big fan of Rayna's. Such a big fan, in fact, that she leaves Rayna hanging for a handshake. Cold as ice! Juliette gushes over Watty until he redirects her to Rayna. The handshake finally happens and while Rayna is quite complimentary, telling Juliette that she's burning up the charts, Juliette snidely says that her mama was one of Rayna's biggest fans and listened to her music while Juliette was still in her belly. Damn, bitch! Rayna is out of practice with Real Housewives-style female passive aggression, but manages to get in a dig about Juliette's prominent bosom. She also whips out a "Bless your heart," which is widely known to be southern for "Fuck you." While Rayna wonders what the hell that was about, Juliette smirks as her manager guy tells her that they have to work on the whole "be nice" bit. This is because she is emphatically NOT NICE. It's a subtly made point.
| Season 1 | Episode 1
And then we all learn what this introduction was about. Rayna's tour is not selling. She wonders why, since they've done the radio and the press and her producer Randy says that he brought her three definite hits and she turned them all down. She entered the charts at 20 and is falling. Rayna, who is so cool and professional and whose hair still looks flawless, asks what the plan is. She doesn't REALLY want to know the answer to this, and so does not react well when the suits say that they want her to "co-headline" a tour with Juliette. A quick glance to Watty White shows us that he is NOT on board with this, and thus is someone that we can like. Rayna quickly deciphers that "co-headline" means that they want her to open for Juliette. She says that she has the most powerful manager and the best producer and has been with the label for 20 years, and is flabbergasted that this is the best idea anyone could come up with. But the facts are that the tour is primed to lose a lot of money and they'd be better off cancelling. The label guy gives her a hard sell and says that it's a no-brainer and when Rayna asks who came up with the idea we learn that it was Marshall Evans, the new head of the label. New people are the worst, obviously. The key to this problem is to invent a time machine and travel back to when Mother Maybelle Carter was alive and human beings still had integrity. Rayna asks for some privacy, and label guy says that Marshall wants her decision by Monday. We cut to Juliette on stage, singing a song about black mascara tears. I will say that Hayden Panettiere has the country ingénue squat and bounce maneuver down pat. As she smiles into the camera it's all that Rayna, watching backstage, can do not to throw a shoe at the TV.
After credits, Rayna hops out of a limo and runs into a building where her eeeeeeeeeeevilllllllllll father is being given some sort of award for excellence in eeeeeeeeeevilllllllll-doing. The celebration has already started and Rayna's chair up front, to her dad and sister Tandy, is conspicuously empty. Evil dad, whose name is Lamar -- an evil name if ever I have heard one! -- is not pleased, in a very evil sort of way. Rayna enters as the guy on the podium goes on and on about how Lamar is very rich or something and thus deserves an award. I'm still not clear on what he does, unless he gets $20 every time he commits an evil deed. Whatever it is, I am certain that he's a republican. Lamar and Rayna quietly bitch at each other a little and it's clear that Tandy is their mediator. In any case, Lamar is so very rich and evil that he got his own day as a reward, and as he approaches the podium he tells Rayna to try to look happy. She succeeds, marginally. After the ceremony, Tandy both thanks Rayna for coming and apologizes for making her show up. Rayna did it for Tandy and not Lamar, but politely requests that they not make her do anything like this again soon. I'm sure Lamar is off somewhere tapping the tips of his fingers and yelling, "Mwah ha ha ha!" into a cavernous, echoing room, perhaps while petting a hairless cat.
| Season 1 | Episode 1
Oh no, and then we're with Juliette in the studio! She is singing this gem of a lyric: "She was sitting there with her beehive hair and said honey that's a waste of good mascara / She handed me a pink Kleenex and I'll never forget what she said ." When you are enthusiastically rhyming "Kleenex" with "," it can only mean that something dreadful is about to happen. In this case, that's the chorus of the song, which is about boys and buses having a lot in common. Randy is in the sound booth and as they isolate her vocals he says, "Don't worry, we can fix that." By "that" he means her singing. Her manager guy thanks God for Auto-Tune, and is clearly unimpressed. Like, terminally unimpressed. Randy, however, is enjoying all the eye-fucking that Juliette is dropping on him. He calls her a heartbreaker and manager guy in turn calls her a moneymaker, and we instantly know which of these two is smarter. All this talk of Juliette's fame and wealth begs the question of why she can't hire someone decent to do her hair.
Meanwhile, Rayna is driving with her girls, who ask her if she'll be back from tour in time for Halloween. They want to go on tour with her, which she says will only happen after they graduate from college. And then we are reminded that kids are born to break your heart when they hear Juliette's black mascara song on the radio, turn it up, and start singing along -- in harmony! The universe is conspiring against Rayna Jaymes and also you can't stop kids from having crap taste in music. To wit: I could still probably sing every word off of Tiffany's first album.
Miranda Lambert sings us into the scene, which has Rayna looking into the mirror and pulling the skin of her face taut. Teddy says that she's beautiful, and if she ever gets a facelift he's going to leave her. I think in this case that's actually a point in the "pro" column. He asks what's wrong and she quite succinctly says "everything." Rayna tells Teddy about the "co-headlining" proposal and he asks if it's really such a terrible idea. We're just counting down the episodes until he bangs Juliette, right? Teddy says that Rayna can walk away and quit right now and she points out that in fact she can't if they want to keep living in their house. We get confirmation that Teddy went bust and ostensibly put them in the poor rich-house, but he says that he's working on "some deals" that should put them in a better position. In the meantime, Teddy proposes, she could borrow money from her dad. But that is eeeeeeeeevilllllllll money! Collected from all manner of evil deeds! Doesn't he know this? Rayna would rather wait tables than take her daddy's money and for some reason her strong sense of dignity and self-respect makes Teddy mad. Stop being such a puss and go get a job! God. Their fight then transitions to being about Tandy, who Rayna says is Lamar's handmaiden, but who Teddy sees as future rich evil person in charge. For him, that's a positive. Teddy gets that Lamar was and is a lousy father and a son of a bitch. His own father was a drunk, he says. And also probably shiftless and this is why Teddy is so keen on taking what appears to be easy money. Rayna argues that Teddy thinks he knows Lamar, but doesn't. She manages not to tell him to get a job, which to my mind shows great restraint, and says she'll think of something.
| Season 1 | Episode 1
It turns out that that something involves going to Randy's apartment and asking about the three hit songs that she previously rejected. She wants to cut one and release it as a bonus track, but Randy says that they've already been recorded. Something tells me that one of them has something to do with boys and buses and pink Kleenex. Randy is very shifty as he says that he'd love to help, but has to finish Juliette before she heads out in a few weeks. I think we all know what kind of finishing he's talking about. Rayna is surprised to hear that he's working with Juliette, but apparently he needs any kind of job he can get to keep his ex-wives in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed. Rayna asks why people listen to "that adolescent crap," which sounds like feral cats to her. As Randy gives a nervous glance upstairs Rayna delivers the kicker: "Why does everybody keep pretending she's good?" Aaaaaaand, cut to naked Juliette giving a death glare from between Randy's sheets upstairs. Well, I'm sure these two will be Thelma and Louise-ing it in no time.
One of the things that I'm sure will contribute to Rayna and Juliette's inseparable bond is their mutual appreciation of Deacon. He's playing at the Bluebird with a band of about four guys and a few invisible female backup singers. Seriously, where are those harmonies coming from? Is the magic of the Bluebird really in the fact that they have ghost singers with perfect pitch? His song is slow and lovely and mentions fireflies dancing in the yard and a blanket of stars and rusty string guitars, which is how you know that he has no problem getting the ladies despite the fact that he's wearing a Texas tuxedo. Juliette sits in the audience wearing a Britney Spears circa 2007 menswear hat and weeps at the beauty of Deacon's tune. See, she has feelings! They're normally just buried under all the sequins.
After Deacon is done playing he signs a few autographs and talks to Scarlett, who's waitressing. Her mom is coming to town and Deacon says that she can stay with him -- she's his sister, even though she's weird. I'm hoping this mom shows up and it's a crazy guest cameo, like Tanya Tucker or something. Avery approaches and asks if Deacon got his demo. An unimpressed Deacon asks what kind of music it is and Avery says it's alt-country punk but more cerebral. Deacon explains that in these parts "punk" is code for "can't play," and Avery calls him an old-timer and Deacon promises not to use the demo as a coaster. That's probably because he will use it as a Frisbee. All Deacon really wants is for Avery to be good enough for his favorite niece, which I'm guessing is an impossibility. Another young buck approaches, albeit one who is much more humble and lovely and CLEARLY a fantastic match for Scarlett. His name is Gunnar, and he also works at the Bluebird. Deacon has heard his demos and is much more impressed by them than Avery's. Gunnar is no fan of Avery either, and also clearly in love with Scarlett. Deacon explains that she has the family curse and will always pick the one who will break her heart. Oh, Deacon! So weathered and rugged yet sensitive! I bet HE would never try to convince Rayna to take money from her evil father!
| Season 1 | Episode 1
As Deacon packs up, Juliette appears at his car to ask if anyone has ever recorded his dancing fireflies song. Deacon has, which he says that means it's damned to obscurity. Juliette not only wants to record it, but to have him play on it. This week! And either before or after or during she obviously wants to have the sexytimes with him. Deacon says he could do it depending on when, since he has rehearsal with Rayna all week. Juliette says that she heard Rayna's tour might be off, but Deacon has heard no such thing. He's been too busy carefully weathering his denim shirts to listen to Music City gossip. Juliette then asks Deacon to come and be her bandleader, which is code for "have sex with me." Her current bandleader's wife is due two weeks into the tour, she says, and they'll have to replace him anyway. Deacon says he can't do that to Rayna, and Juliette offers to pay double what she pays. And in her current financial state, I'm guessing Rayna pays one hot buttered biscuit per week. Juliette wants the best, and Deacon is the best and also she wants to "co-write." She adds that they could have a lot of fun on the road, which is barely even a euphemism for "have sex." Deacon looks suspicious, which is going to make their inevitable banging even sadder. As she leaves, Juliette tells him that Rayna's not the only woman in the world. He replies, "You're a girl," and she says, "That too." She puts on her Britney Spears hat and leaves -- I guess to reinforce that she's not a girl, not yet a woman. Floating in the liminal space of overconfident skankitude! After she's gone Deacon asks, "What the hell was that?" which is apparently everybody's reaction to interactions with Juliette.
And then it's time for a dose of eeeeeeevillllllll. Lamar is with Tandy and a bunch of suits. Apparently they want to develop a major league ballpark in the middle of Nashville, but the mayor is against it. And, Tandy notes, things won't get any easier when Coleman Carlisle is in office. Lamar thus plans to run his own candidate. Tandy recommends someone business-friendly, who fits nicely in his pocket. Lamar reaches into his pocket and quickly pulls out Teddy. Tandy is skeptical, but Lamar tells one of his suited associates to run it up the flagpole. He then throws a baseball, old-guy style, into the empty field. I seriously think this character was modeled after Mr. Burns. As Tandy says that Rayna is going to lose it, Lamar cackles. His delight in the misfortune of those who share his DNA is really touching.
| Season 1 | Episode 1
We are then at rehearsal with Rayna, where she's singing a song about being fickle or not being fickle and it's her life or something or other. I mean, I guess it's technically better than singing about boys and buses. She keeps telling the sound guy to turn down the volume in her in-ear monitor, but eventually rips the earpieces out, throws them on the stage and storms off. In a minute she apologizes for having a diva dip and tells everyone to take lunch, and her manager guy tells her that she'll be singing two songs at Cole's mayoral announcement, and also reminds her about the meeting with the label on Monday. Marshall Evans will want to know her decision about "co-headlining."
Rayna pulls Deacon to go on a walk with her and complains about how the business makes her feel old. He notes that she's been wanting to do fewer shows now that the girls are in school, but she says that she wants that to be her choice. Deacon points out that Rayna can leave whenever she wants and come back whenever she wants. She's not an overnight sensation. However, to the best of his recollection, she is sensational overnight. Aaaaaaaand, there it is! Rayna tries to ignore this subtle plea to go at it right there on the bridge. She says that she's not ready to hang up her rhinestones, AND she doesn't want to let down everyone who's been banking on the tour -- especially Deacon. At this point he's forced to confess that Juliette offered him a job, along with the promise of co-writing and sexual favors. Well, he might not actually mention that last part. Rayna notes that Juliette has taken her producer and wants her bandleader, and wonders if she's going to come after her house . Um, I'd say husband, actually, especially if he becomes the mayor.
Deacon asks Rayna why she never cut more of his songs. It turns out she felt weird about it since they are all about her. As Rayna's glorious hair waves in the breeze, she looks Deacon in the eye and says that she wishes she could do everything all over again. He asks what she'd change, and she says, "Nothing... everything." Deacon replies, "That makes two of us." And how these two don't start making out immediately is anybody's guess and, I'd add, a cause of great frustration. This show clearly has to go on for at least five seasons so they can get back together, right? As it is, we must be satisfied with them flirting for a minute and then looking sad. Rayna says that she doesn't want to hold Deacon back, and wants him to be happy. He says that she knows there's only one thing that's going to make him happy and he lost that a long time ago. Oh, I can't take it! Am I going to become a shipper now? Stay tuned for my Rayna/Deacon fanfic in future recaps. Harmonica solos may be involved! That is not a euphemism!
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After more gorgeous aerial shots, we hear Tammy Wynette singing "Stand By Your Man" and learn that Rayna is a guest on Watty White's radio show. He asks if standing by her man is a philosophy Rayna ascribes to and she says, "As long as he stands by me." I bet female country singers have to have a stock answer to that one. Rayna is doing a countdown of her own playlist, and the song on the list is "Rose Colored Glasses" by John Conlee. She used to sing this song to her mama, who died when she was 12. After that, she was raised by a nanny fashioned out of $50 bills. As the song plays, Watty says that Rayna needs to figure out her move, which might entail reinventing herself. She asks if he thinks that Juliette is a flash in the pan and he says that she's going to be around for a while. Rayna ends out the scene with a succinct, "That hurts." We don't get to hear the rest of Rayna's playlist, but she's anywhere as awesome as I think she is, "Fist City" is most certainly on it.
We then are in the studio with an irritated Randy, who's wondering where Juliette is. The assistant says that she's in the building, but just got a phone call. We cut to Juliette, crouched in a utility closet, crying and talking to her mom. It turns out based on context clues (including the giant scabs on her face!) that Juliette's mom is a big, nasty meth-head, with a big, nasty meth-head boyfriend. She's called (from a pay phone! Who even knew those existed anymore?) to ask Juliette for money. Juliette, who can tell that her mother is using again, refuses. Methy Dearest is persistent in her quest for $50, but Juliette soon hangs up when Randy knocks. And then she bangs him! Oh, confused sad little crossover star. Does this mean we're not allowed to totally hate you now?
Meanwhile, at the Capitol Grill, some capitally evil evildoings are going on. Lamar and his team of guys in suits have already proposed the mayoral run to Teddy, who notes that his fiscal disasters might very well become an issue in a mayoral campaign. One of the guys in suits notes that everyone lost their shirts, and they'll just say that Teddy lost his to unscrupulous mortgage vendors. I wonder what it really was -- something shady, I'm sure. Lamar breaks in to evilly say, in his slithering snake of a voice, that this is quite an opportunity, what with Nashville being an industrial and cultural juggernaut. He says "juggernaut" with particularly evil inflection, which should come as no surprise. Teddy has doubts as to whether anyone will believe that he's qualified to be mayor, but Lamar says that he sees something in Teddy -- something that Teddy may not even see in himself. He then quotes a series of fortune cookies as he says, "Fate is what befalls a man who fails to act. Destiny is for men who refuse to accept their failures as their fate. We've all had failures, Teddy. Don't let them define you, let them refine you." Teddy is totally swayed by Lamar's promises of endless power (along with the recitation of his lucky numbers and how to say "toothpaste" in Chinese), but makes him promise not to hurt Cole Carlisle -- no dirty tricks, rumors or unnamed sources. Lamar agrees not to ruin Cole's family or his reputation, but I'm sure he has his old, gnarled fingers crossed under the table. He then instructs Teddy that his first order of business as a mayoral candidate is to grow a pair and tell Rayna about all this. I'm sure this campaign will be jolly fun for Teddy, from all angles!
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Cut to Rayna and Teddy's lovely kitchen, where she grabs some tomatoes as aggressively as possible and notes that Teddy hates politics. He clarifies that he doesn't hate politics -- he hates talking about politics. Well, fortunately I'm sure that's something he'll never have to do as mayor. She once again points out how dastardly her father is, and says that Teddy is going to regret this. Teddy is naïve though, and sees Lamar's offer as help. He quotes Lamar's statement that he'll be able to write his own ticket after two terms as mayor and says that Rayna can then go ahead and stop working. Rayna is like, "Duh, who wants to stop being a music superstar?" She doesn't want to just be his little woman, standing at the side of the stage, but he points out that he's pretty much been her little woman all this time. He says, "I know that I wasn't your first choice. I know you settled for me. But I have been there for you every step of the way." Oooh, someone put some cornstarch in that plot! Second-choice Teddy wants some time in the spotlight his own damn self. Rayna looks sad and says that she promised to perform at Cole's announcement. I think she still should, since he would obviously make a better mayor!
Back at the Bluebird, Gunnar is reading Scarlett's poems. He says they're songs, but she denies it. A lot of them are about her temporary breakup with Avery, which gives Gunnar the opportunity to say that, other than heartbreak and drunken sex, he's not sure what Scarlett sees in Avery. Scarlett says he's the one, which is OBVIOUSLY FALSE! Gunnar asks if Scarlett has ever thought about putting her poems to music and she's like. "Oh... well, sometimes I hear music in my head when I'm writing them, but... durrrrrrrrr." She is dumb in so many ways! Get it together, lady. No one's buying that you moved to Nashville to be a POET. Gunnar wants Scarlett to sing as he plays guitar. Wouldn't it be funny if their co-write turned out to be "Friday"? Scarlett's been poetically ruminating on which seat she should take for years!
With that, we are at Edgehill Republic Records! It's Rayna's reckoning day. She waits in the lobby and we see her little framed album, Sweet and Sorrow, alongside a big, giant poster of Juliette's All My Angels. Something tells me this isn't going to go well. Rayna is uber-professional as she approaches new label head Marshall Evans, listing her various accolades and noting that she has helped built this company from its humbled beginnings and stayed loyal even when other labels tried to woo her. Too bad for her, her record still isn't selling and "the older business models are irrelevant." Marshall tells her that she needs to find her place in a new market. Rayna's smile stiffens as she says, "So you're telling me after 21 years at this label, if I don't open for your little ingénue who wouldn't make it as one of my backup singers..." -- ostensibly because Rayna needs GOOD backup singers to drown out the sound of her own voice -- "that you're not going to support me?" Basically, yes. Marshall says that he needs Rayna's decision and she tells him that he can kiss her decision as it's walking out the door. The entire viewing audience erupts in a big whoop, and Rayna's manager does the opposite of that.
| Season 1 | Episode 1
Because she is a glutton for punishment, Rayna then goes to confront her father (in his giant mansion) about the whole Teddy mayor thing. Even in a sweater vest, her dad is nefarious! Rayna asks what Lamar wants from Teddy and he makes it out like he wants to see Teddy pick himself up and dust himself off. A likely story! Tandy tries to mediate and convince Rayna that this is a good idea, to no avail. Rayna thinks that Lamar is trying to lure Teddy with the money, but she says that they won't accept it. Well, SHE won't accept it. We've already seen where Teddy falls on this one. Lamar gets his most evil voice on as he says, "Oh, I knoooooow. You're too PROUD to accept anything from MEEEEEEEE." And then, because he's really, really mean, he tells her that the only reason she has a career is because of him -- he paid for her first record. This is NOT something that she already knew about. Already stunned, she shrinks back a little as Lamar gets up from his seat at the dining room table, throws down a napkin in contempt and more or less orders her to come to Teddy's announcement. He can't believe that she would further humiliate Teddy by not showing up, especially after all he's done for her -- especially as it relates to little Maddie. So, apparently Maddie is not Teddy's child and he doesn't know that. She's got to be from the loins of Deacon, right? In any case, Rayna is quite upset and storms out screaming that she won't be bought and that she's not coming to Teddy's announcement. Lamar advises her not to become his enemy, since his enemies don't fare too damn well. And then he summons the thunder and the lightning and Rayna sits in her car on a rainy bridge for a while, probably trying to figure out a way to throw her dad off it.
Elsewhere, Randy pulls up to a gated community and says the words, "Juliette Barnes." The security guard lets him right in, which seems suspect in and of itself. Then we're at the Bluebird, which quite mysteriously has a whole lot of slots left on its open mic list. I am pretty certain that this NEVER HAPPENS. But of course it's a device to get Gunnar and Scarlett up on stage. Before they sing their collaborative song, Scarlett announces that she's never sung into a microphone before. Also, she lives inside of a big turnip and washes her hair with dewdrops. That's why it's so shiny! Watty White enters and takes a seat as they begin their song, "If I Didn't Know Better" (sung in the link by The Civil Wars). Scarlett totally has the best voice of any of the ladies on the show, even if her cheek/teeth to face ratio means that she occasionally sounds like Rosie Pope. Pay special attention to the words "you might as well be the devil" and tell me that I'm wrong. Gunnar is fantastic, with a killer falsetto.
| Season 1 | Episode 1
The song continues to play as we see Randy knocking on Juliette's door. She's the biggest country-pop crossover artist in the world and she can hear a KNOCK? And answers the door HERSELF? Lies, all. In any case, she turns Randy away with a curt, "Don't come here without calling." This is because she is about to bang Deacon! This is what happens when you co-write in a room filled with ivory candles and orchids and shit. Meanwhile, Rayna is getting ready to go onstage at a mayoral announcement. But whose? An associate whispers something in Cole's ear and he smiles, while Lamar listens to Teddy and declares him a natural. Back at the Bluebird, Watty picks up his phone, calls Rayna and lets her listen to Scarlett and Gunnar's song. He's got an idea! He'll tell her later, which hopefully means week for us. And finally, Rayna steels herself for a moment, puts on a smile, walks out onstage to thunderous applause and hugs Teddy. Oh, sigh. The compromises we must make when we have evil fathers and secret babydaddies! She's wearing a red dress, but deep down we know she's not actually a republican, right? As cameras flash and Lamar gives a satisfied smirk, Rayna takes a moment to look sad. And with that, we're out.
This season: Rayna's little tour! Juliette's big tour! Rayna and Deacon! Juliette and Deacon! Gunnar and Scarlett! Demo recordings! Meth-addicted moms! Marriages in trouble! And we finally learn the truth behind why boys and buses have so much in common.
Potes pulled out a pink Kleenex and you wouldn't believe what she said . Find out by tweeting @traciepotes or emailing potesypotes@gmail.com.
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