Earl and Billie have spent their honeymoon at the motel where Catalina works. Earl is thrilled to learn that Billie has started her own list - so thrilled that he heads out to the balcony to thank karma. The other motel residents yell at him, and one of them actually shoots at him. What a great way to start a marriage!
At the Crab Shack, Earl is realizing that Billie is...kind of a jerk. She keeps eating all of his potato chips, for one. She also constantly asks him where he's going and what he's doing. She wants Earl to dress in really tight jeans and belly-baring shirts. She also has no boundaries, exemplified when she walks in on Earl peeing. Wait, married couples aren't supposed to do that? But the ultimate insult is when she says that she's going to play a song on the jukebox in the Crab Shack. Earl suggests "Running with the Devil " and Billie says that she means "the real Van Halen - the one with Sammy Hagar. " Oh no she didn't! That's just wrong. So, so wrong. Most of the guys I know would consider that legal grounds for divorce and/or possibly murder. Once Billie is out of earshot, Earl bitches to Randy about his new wife. Randy thinks he might be overreacting, and that maybe marriage is about sharing chips. Earl looks around the bar and sees that all of the other couples are sharing their chips happily. Randy says that everyone has quirks, like how Earl raises just one eyebrow when he's thinking. Randy hates that. So of course, Earl thinks about that, and his eyebrow shoots up, and Randy shudders. Billie returns and reports that the jukebox even has music from "Lynyrd Skynyrd after the plane crash. " Earl tries to go back to what they have in common - their lists. They also have one person in common - Joel Maloney, champion bagger.
Flashback to Joel Maloney (Jon Heder) bagging groceries. Jon "Skunk Boy " Henson plays a reporter who explains that Joel is going to the Bagging Championship in Ohio as "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag " by James Brown plays in the background. Joy, Earl, and Randy watch the news and decide that they've just been given license to rob Joel's house while he's gone. They aren't the only Camden County criminals with that idea, and we're treated to a montage of people stealing from Joel, but leaving the television on since the competition was televised, and then they would know when Joel was coming home. One of the last criminals to arrive is Billie, and she knocks a fellow criminal out to get the ceiling fan, since that's really all that's left. Days later, Earl, Randy, and Joy show up and cut the carpet right from the floor, watching the television as Joel is awarded second place in the competition. Skunk Boy asks him, "What are you going to do with that $25 gift certificate to Applebees? " Joel's deadpan reply: "Guess I'm going to go to Applebee's. " Joel returns home and finds his empty house. Aw, poor guy.