The show opens with a definition in black text on a white background. A voice-over reads it to us: "MOLE: noun. A spy (double agent) who establishes a cover long before beginning espionage." I'm fascinated by the need to further define a spy as a double agent, but then to use the word "espionage" with no further explanation. I mean, I know what it means, and I'm sure you know what it means, but why did they need to clarify "spy" and not "espionage"? Fascinating editorial decision.
Over a shot of a barren wasteland, some high-tech-looking on-screen text informs us that this is "Day 1 -- Mojave Desert 7:35 AM." Well, if I had any lingering doubts about my ability to be on this show, they've just been erased -- I definitely couldn't get up that early. A metal roadside sign that says "The Mole" rattles in the wind. We see people approaching on a bus, on a motorcycle, on foot, and in a car. Anderson "Gloria Vanderbilt's Baby Boy" Cooper, dressed all in black, appears against a white background. Cooper explains that this story involves "ten strangers" on "a twenty-eight-day journey that will take them over fifteen thousand miles, four countries, and two continents." At each destination, the players will complete challenges for cash prizes. The cash is added to the pot, and one player wins it all. Yeah, we've all seen Road Rules, Sparky. Let's move on. While Cooper continues speaking, we see shots of the players assembling in the desert, and greeting one another. I'm going to skip the descriptions until we are introduced to them individually, because it's too confusing. Cooper introduces the twist -- "one of the players is a mole -- a double agent, working for us." This mole will try to sabotage the group's efforts and prevent them from completing the challenges. Cooper says that "every few days, there is a quiz about The Mole," with questions about The Mole's gender, age, or eating habits. The player who scores the lowest on the quiz is "executed" and must leave immediately. Cooper finishes by saying the person who wins must correctly answer the question, "Who is The Mole?" Credits.
Remember when Anderson Cooper was on the ABC overnight news? In the dark days when I didn't have cable, I used to watch it sometimes, because I'm a television-loving insomniac. Anyway, one time the pre-Alison Stewart female anchor was out, and they put a cardboard cutout in her seat, and just went on with the broadcast as if she were really there. They were wacky, wacky folks.
Now, we're introduced to the players. Jim is twenty-six, a former lawyer from New Jersey who is now a helicopter pilot. He looks a little weaselly to me -- kind of a poor man's Skeet Ulrich. We see a clip of Jim saying, "We are a team, but we're not a team."
Afi is twenty-three, a recent college graduate from Colorado, who plans on going to medical school. In Afi's clip, she irritably tells someone to "chill. Have fun. It's a dang game!" We should probably just call her Kameelah now and get it over with.
Steven is thirty, an undercover narcotics cop from Colorado from a military family. Ooh, an undercover cop. On the one hand, too obvious to be The Mole. On the other hand, that's exactly what they want you to think. Steven's clip shows him claiming that he can lie without blushing if he has to. Steven looks disturbingly like Jeff Probst. I think it's the dimples.
Charlie is sixty-three, a retired police detective from New York City. He looks exactly like one of my professors from college, Father Ridley. I mean, exactly. Like I had to do a double take when he first appeared on the screen. In Charlie's clip, he claims to have trained undercover people, and you train them to blend into the woodwork. Again, as with Steven, is he too obvious a choice, or is reverse psychology at work?
Wendi is twenty-nine, and a "visual display artist." I don't know what that means. Wendi looks a bit like a young, Gloria Bunker-era Sally Struthers to me. In Wendi's clip, she is telling someone, "You are trying to play off the fact that you are probably The Mole." Ooh, the intrigue.
Manuel is forty-two, and "a single father who grew up in the projects of Oxnard, California." I already like Manuel. He looks all happy to be there. In Manuel's clip, he says that this is all like a dream. Hmm. With the intensity with which the editors are pressing our sympathy buttons, he's either The Mole, or the Sonja.
Kate is fifty-five (but doesn't look it), a grandmother of two and former Peace Corps volunteer. She's my early pick for The Mole. I just have a feeling. In Kate's clip, she is arm-wrestling someone on an airplane. See, they want you to know that just because she's one of the older contestants, and she's a woman, she's no Sonja.
Kathryn is twenty-eight, and graduated second in her law class from Stanford. She's pretty, and they reinforce her resemblance to Stacey by showing a clip of her getting in a fight with one of the guys, bitchily.
Jennifer is thirty-five, and a corporate communications manager. Ooh, Richard was in corporate communications. Watch out for this lady. She is also a former professional snowboarder. In Jennifer's clip, she is doing an interview and crying about how the show is emotionally challenging.
Our final player, Henry, is twenty-three and a bartender. In his clip, he asks rhetorically, "Am I The Mole?" and then, according to the captioning, "laughs evilly."
Cooper reminds us that one of these people will be eliminated tonight, because at the end of every episode, the person who knows the least about The Mole's identity will have to leave. We see a montage of people taking the quiz.
Cut back to the group standing on the roadside in the desert. They joke about one of them being The Mole in that nervous way people do upon first meeting one another. Suddenly, two helicopters appear on the horizon and buzz the group. Anderson Cooper gets out of one of the helicopters, walks over to the group, and welcomes them. He instructs them to leave their bags and follow him to the helicopters. The credits appear along the bottom of the screen, and I see a lot of familiar names -- Clay Newbill and Craig Borders are two that I know have worked on The Real World and Road Rules in the past. The helicopters take off with the players inside.
The helicopters land at some sort of airfield. The door to one of the giant hangars whirs open and a group of people in jumpsuits walk out. Cooper tells them that their first test will be "a free-fall from ten thousand feet." Oh, it's so Bunim-Murray of them to start the season with skydiving. Or bungee jumping. It's always one or the other. The group cheers. Cooper tells them that if everyone in the group jumps, they add $75,000 to the pot. Kate voice-overs that she didn't have time to think about it, or she would get scared. Steven accepts the $20 slipped to him by the producers and says he has "a bad feeling about this test." Whatever, Han Solo. Henry says that he doesn't think Steven or Manuel will be up to the task. Manuel admits to the group that he's afraid of heights and someone is going to have to push him out of the plane. Afi volunteers to be that person. Look out for her, man. Manuel says he won't know until he gets up there. I admire that he's willing to give it a shot. If this were Road Rules, the fearful person would be crying and swearing and generally throwing a fit.
The group gets on the plane, which takes off. Standard "plane taking off" montage complete with Top Gun-esque background music. Kathryn says that she got up there and thought she wouldn't be able to do it. Jim says that, normally in a helicopter, he doesn't fly this high. Wow, thank you for telling me that. Suspenseful music starts up as we see everyone looking worried, or praying. Cooper reminds us that if any one of the players refuses to jump, the group fails the test. When he says it, we see a shot of Manuel, like, we get it that he's the one most likely to refuse to jump, guys. Done. They are jumping strapped to a professional, which is not nearly as scary as going solo. At least, I would think. You couldn't pay me enough money to jump out of a plane. I wouldn't even jump out of one of those little coin-operated planes they have in front of K-Mart.
Jim goes out first. Then, Wendi. up is Kathryn. They fall. They land. What else can I say? Jim and Wendi congratulate one another on the ground. Kathryn lands and joins in the party. Kate comes down . Kathryn tells the camera that Manuel might not make it. In case you didn't get it the first thousand times they mentioned it. Back up in the sky, Steven jumps out of the plane. Manuel is muttering prayers to himself. Hey, do you think he's nervous? I wonder if he'll jump. When his time comes, his partner picks him up and carries him out the door. Is that fair? Manuel hits the ground cheering. Manuel tells the camera that if he had to walk away now, it was worth it. Yeah, he's gone. Could they telegraph it any more? Steven hits the ground and says (with a smile) that he's "gonna puke." After a moment, he declares that he's fine. Henry comes in for a landing. Afi nearly takes out a camera with her arrival. Kate notes that there are still two people in the plane, and she hopes they didn't chicken out. She's so The Mole. Come on! That sounded so fake and affected. She keeps talking, making sure that everyone notices there are still two people in the plane, and how surprising that is. The group figures out that Charlie and Jennifer are the ones missing. They use editing to make it out like Charlie and Jennifer are missing for a long time -- lots of slo-mo. Cooper voice-overs that they're still missing, and wonders if it is "fear or strategy" that holds them back. As we go to the break, we see a clip of Henry and Jennifer arguing on some sort of vehicle.
Back from the break (which seemed really short -- I guess I'm just used to MTV's marathon commercial breaks), Cooper reminds us that two people are still missing and $75,000 is at stake. The group continues to look skyward. Jim voice-overs that they saw the two coming down "about a half-mile down the road." The group spots them and wonders why they landed so far away. Are they going to make every incident out to be filled with intrigue? I can see it now: "Jim put three creamers into his coffee this morning, when he usually only uses two. I think he's The Mole." Come on. I'm going to call this the Three Creamer Rule. Kate keeps saying that something is up and it's "a little strange." See what I mean about her fueling everyone's suspicions? Jim does the same in an interview. The group runs over to where Charlie and Jennifer are landing. Jennifer explains that the professionals told them to jump, but it was "too soon." Whatever. I totally don't think that had anything to do with who The Mole is. Cooper tells them that they've earned $75,000. Charlie scolds The Mole, saying he or she didn't do anything to mess this one up. In an interview, Jim says it's very early in the game, and The Mole would be an idiot to do something so obvious this early. Cooper tells them that it's time to get going.
Two vans drive down a highway. Manuel asks who was "really, really scared," and everyone teases him that he's the one who was the most scared. In case you didn't get that earlier. In other words, in case you are an idiot. Or an ABC viewer, I guess. The group arrives at the airport. Kathryn and Afi spot an entry on the departure board that says "The Mole" with destination unknown. A fascinating montage of them all boarding the plane, and the plane taking off, followed by a Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego shot of a map with an arrow moving from Los Angeles to Paris. Dude, that would be a long flight. Through the magic of television, they arrive in Paris immediately.
Paris montage. The group eats dinner. Cooper tells them that they are leaving Paris tomorrow morning, and they have the option to stay in or go out. The group cheers. Cooper voice-overs that if they go out, they have to all stay together, and be in by midnight, or they lose $10,000 from the pot. The clock on the wall says 10:15. The group opts to go out, of course. They meet in the lobby. Manuel is all dressed up in a black suit, saying that he's "probably the only Mexican in Paris," so he wants to look good. Aw, Manuel. He's so cute, with his fear of heights and his self-deprecating manner. He's dead in the water. The group heads out and we see numerous shots of them having trouble all heading in the same direction. At one point, Afi gives out a whoop as Kathryn voice-overs that they "made a spectacle of [themselves]." Cooper meets up with the group and tells them that it's 11:05. Okay, I refuse to believe that they all managed to finish dinner, get dressed and ready and walk around a little bit in fifty minutes. Stupid misleading editing. The group has decided to go back to the hotel and drink in the bar rather than risk missing their curfew. Manuel dissents, saying that it's "only $10,000" and who knows when they will be in Paris again? No one agrees. Manuel loses, and they return to the hotel. I can see Manuel's point, but if you win the million-dollar prize, you could probably go to Paris again. I'm just saying. Back at the hotel, Jennifer points out to the group that Manuel seemed to be sabotaging things a little bit, possibly even pretending to be The Mole, and she thinks "the games are starting to happen." Everyone heads up to their rooms and calls it a night.
Paris at sunrise. The on-screen text tells us that it's "Day 2 -- Paris 7:00 AM." Wouldn't it have taken them at least a day to fly from Los Angeles to Paris? Oh well. The group sits down to breakfast. Jim slips in a pair of fake buckteeth and starts acting like a yokel. In an interview, Jim points out that there are some strategies, such as "diverting everyone else's suspicions from where [his] suspicions lie," because they are all there to win. Jim has his eyes on the prize. Charlie tells the group that he has eliminated himself, but everyone else is a suspect.
Cooper tells us that the group boarded a train to the mystery destination. On the train, Jim tells Manuel that it's going to suck when one of them is eliminated soon. Who does he tell? Manuel. Who's a sitting duck? Manuel. The Carmen Sandiego graphic tells us that the players went to a town called Draguignan, which is near Cannes and Nice. Cooper tells us that half of the group is sent on to their chateau via van, while the second van is "mysteriously detained." Cooper explains to the second group that they need to get out and grab all the luggage. Once they are inside, Cooper explains that they need to repack all the luggage into small duffel bags. They'll have to repack everyone's bags, including the people who have gone ahead, and will have to make decisions about what is essential and what is not. This subgroup is made up of Charlie, Henry, Jennifer, Wendi, and Kathryn. Meanwhile, in the other van, people start to wonder why the second van isn't right behind them. Kate, especially, grouses that it's "taking them a long time."
They cut back and forth between the packing group and the van group. Kathryn packs for Kate. Henry and Jennifer find Afi's notebook in her bag and totally read it. Nice invasion of privacy! The producers were probably wetting themselves. Unless Afi was in on it, and planted the notebook. There are layers upon layers. Charlie is packing for Steven, and says that he's duplicating his own packing, what he considers "the essentials." Cooper voice-overs that Charlie only packed one shoe for Steven. It's the "Three Creamer" syndrome -- making a big deal about something that totally isn't. Ugh. The packing group finishes up and gets into their van. Cooper tells us that a "hidden camera catches growing tension between the players." In a black-and-white shot, Henry tries to convince the others that they should tell everyone that the packing was a group effort, and not reveal who individually packed each bag. Jennifer doesn't see what the big deal is. Henry keeps talking about it, even though she's already agreed, and Jennifer snaps, "Get off me. Right now."
The first group arrives at what the on-screen text informs us is "Chateau de Berne, France, 8:18 PM." They wonder what happened to the rest of the group. Kate points out that "they're the ones with the luggage." How did she know they had the luggage in their van? Earlier, Cooper made it out like there was an entirely separate van containing the luggage. She's totally The Mole. The hidden camera reveals the packing group laughing about the others' fate. Wendi says that she "gave them nothing that matches on purpose," which earns a high-five from Jennifer. An hour later, a van pulls up to the chateau. Cooper gets out and says he has all the luggage, which is ready to be unloaded. Before they even open the door, Kate points out that there's "something strange about this luggage." I'm just saying. They open the van to find the duffel bags, instead of their personal luggage. As they start unloading, the packing group arrives, and explains what happened. Charlie says they did the best they could. Wendi voice-overs that she thinks Charlie didn't feel like packing as we see Steven looking confusedly at the one shoe in his duffel bag. Total Three Creamer. Wendi says that it might have been on purpose, and Charlie could be The Mole. Or he's a confused old guy trying to pack in a hurry. As we go to commercial, we see Charlie telling Wendi that she's been blending into the woodwork as well as anyone, even though she's cute. Go, Charlie!
The sun rises on "Day 3 -- Chateau de Berne." Cooper tells the assembled group that it's time for their second test, worth $50,000. There are some monitors in the room that will soon be displaying personal information about each of the players. They'll have fifteen minutes to read and memorize the information. Then, Cooper will tell them what the second part of the test is. Jim is wearing sunglasses indoors, which is annoying to me. As the players start looking, Cooper tells us that the information on the screen is valuable for this test, but also for the elimination quiz. I was going to give you all the information, but basically it's everyone's age (which I already gave above), high-school class (which you can probably figure out from the age), and vital stats. The only interesting things are "Times Heart's Been Broken" and "Siblings," and even that's not that interesting. I'll just give you the highlights. Afi has big old feet -- size 10! Manuel has eleven siblings, and Charlie has eight. Charlie and Kate both claim that their heart has never been broken. Cooper calls time and leads them into another room, where they sit around a table. Cooper tells them to select the two players with the best memory, quickly. It turns out that Kathryn and Afi feel the most confident about their memorization skills, so they get selected. Kathryn and Afi go into another room. Before leaving, Cooper tells those left behind that they can talk freely, but they can't discuss any of the information found on the monitors.
Once Kathryn and Afi are in the other room, Cooper hands them an ATM card. He tells them they will need to find the correct ATM, figure out the PIN, and withdraw five hundred francs, all within two hours. If they need help from other group members, they can bring them in one at a time, but it will deduct fifteen minutes from the two hours each time. In order to figure out the PIN, the women have to solve ten equations using the personal information memorized from the monitors. The sum of all ten equations is the PIN. We see a montage of the two of them adding and subtracting. Fascinating. I'm amazed that they can remember this shit. Outside, the other group members converse. Charlie thinks that Wendi is The Mole. Meanwhile, Afi and Kathryn come up with a PIN. Cooper gives them a map to the ATM. Kathryn decides to stay behind, in case the calculations were wrong. Afi has a cell phone to call her and get a new number, if the first one doesn't work. They decide that Afi should take Jim with her, since he knows French. That means they lose fifteen minutes from their time, leaving them an hour and twenty-two minutes.
Jim and Afi board bicycles and take off. They can't find their way off the grounds of the chateau. That's just sad. Jim tries to go one way, but Afi dissuades him. Jim asks a random woman for directions in French. Turns out Jim was right. Jim says that the woman told him to take a left, even though the exit sign points to the right. Afi decides to trust him and go with it. I'm not going to call this Three Creamer, because it is feasible that if Jim is The Mole, he would try to get them lost. Back at the chateau, Kathryn tells Cooper that she just realized that if either of them is The Mole, they could easily sabotage the test by not inputting the PIN correctly. In the big group, Wendi accuses Charlie of being The Mole, and Charlie looks genuinely wounded. Or was that scared?
Afi and Jim arrive in the town. Jim gets more directions. Shots of random French people. Afi checks the map. Kathryn slowly drinks a glass of water. No suspense at all. Afi finds the ATM. Jim is way too happy about this. He's grinning for no apparent reason. Afi calls Kathryn, and they walk up to the ATM. Time for a word from our sponsor. As we go to break, Cooper asks Jim about some problems with the test, and Jim smiles and denies any problems.
Afi enters the PIN. Via cell phone, Kathryn tells her to "enter it carefully." They successfully complete the transaction, and five hundred francs come out. Afi and Jim hug. Cooper congratulations Kathryn. Cooper voice-overs that before returning to the chateau, Afi and Jim tried to come up with a scheme to guarantee that they won't be executed. Jim and Afi have some drinks. Jim suggests that they refuse to give up their money unless they are guaranteed immunity from tonight's exam. Well, someone watched Survivor, right, Jim? Afi calls Kathryn to suggest it, saying that the three of them should get exempted from the quiz. Jim says that the first quiz will be the hardest, with nine other people to choose from. Kathryn floats the suggestion to Cooper. Afi points out that there's nothing in the rules saying that they can't negotiate. How much did the producers love this turn of events? Unless Jim is The Mole, and planned it all along. Do you see how this show messes with your head? Cooper calls Afi back and asks if she's trying to screw over her teammates to get exemption. Afi gladly admits that it wasn't her idea. Cooper tells them to return to the chateau without answering their demands.
The rest of the group cheers the return of Afi, Kathryn, and Jim. Cooper tells them that they won the $50,000. Cooper puts Jim on the spot, asking him to explain "the problem," and Jim smugly claims that there is no problem. I kind of hate Jim. Finally, he explains their idea, liberally sprinkling his explanation with the word "we" even thought it was totally his idea. Jim then claims that they decided against it themselves, not that the producers shot them down. I guess we don't know the truth on that one. Charlie can't believe that the rest of the group trusted them. Afi points out that they didn’t go through with it. Charlie says they are a team. Jennifer asks whose idea it was, and Jim admits it was his, but points out that although they are a team, they are not a team. Ooh, he's deep. I wish he would take off his fucking sunglasses since they are inside! What is he, a rock star? With that pencil neck? Hardly. Hee! Steven is wearing a hat that says, "Hippies Smell." Charlie says he's disappointed. Afi says that they might want to keep the exemption idea alive in the future. Cooper cuts her off, saying that there will be no exemptions today. Jim smirks. Cooper mentions that the group wasn't supposed to discuss the information from the monitors. He busts out a tiny television set -- turns out there was a hidden camera in the room, and it caught Wendi asking Charlie if he really never had his heart broken, and Charlie answering her. Oops. They lose $10,000 for that mistake. Everyone tells her that it's okay. In an interview, Charlie says that now he really thinks that Wendi is The Mole, since she cost them money. Oh, Three Creamers. I think she just forgot in the heat of the moment. Because everyone knows that The Mole is totally Kate, anyway. In an interview, Henry says that Charlie answered the question, so it's not totally Wendi's fault. Everyone tells Wendi to buck up. Cooper reminds them that the first execution is tonight.
But first, we dance! Everyone is hanging out around a swimming pool. Then, they're eating dinner. Steven finds a piece of paper inside his napkin that he tries to pass off to Kathryn, who totally busts him. Steven unrolls it and shows the group -- it looks like a ransom note, and says, "The fun has just begun, but for one, the fun is done -- The Mole." Ooh, spooky. First of all, like any of them have the time or materials to actually create such a note. The production team obviously made it and planted it, so it's totally not a clue. None of the group really seems to care. Cooper taps his glass to get their attention, and gives a little speech about the execution tonight. They take a quiz about The Mole -- the person who gets the least questions right leaves. Manuel starts singing, "My Way," which is so appropriate since he's totally getting the ax. No doubt in my mind.
In an interview, Charlie says that his strategy is to answer all of the questions with one person in mind. Kathryn says she's going to play the odds, and her list of suspects includes Charlie and Jennifer. Manuel says that he's narrowed it down to Charlie, Steven, Kathryn, and Jim. Well, that's only half of the group, there, Manny! He's totally gone. Afi says she doesn't think that it's Jim, because he didn't sabotage their mission that afternoon. Jim says that he suspects Steven, because he was acting funny after they jumped out of the plane. Kathryn points out that Steven's an undercover officer, which seems too obvious, and yet he remains very "detached and close-mouthed." Steven totally agrees with me when he says that "a person who's not getting a lot of attention is Kate." Charlie thinks it might be Kathryn, since she's a lawyer and "can work either side of the fence." Jennifer is still trying to size Manuel up, especially after he was willing to give up $10,000 in Paris. Kate doesn't think she has enough information. She doesn't want to finger anyone else because she's totally The Mole!
You all realize that I'm going to change my mind about who is The Mole each week, right? Just checking.
Various players are interviewed. Steven says that he could be The Mole, but he's not saying. Jennifer says that she could be, and blushes. Afi definitively states that she is not. Kathryn wishes that she were, so that she could stay until the end. Manuel says he's not. Charlie feels he could do the job if he were asked. Kate says she could be The Mole. Because she is. Okay, I'm going to stop recapping this scene now because I think you get it. Any one of them could be The Mole. But it's totally Kate. After the break -- we'll see the first execution!
Endless shots of paintings. The group is gathered in what looks like a church. Cooper explains that he's going to type their names alphabetically into a computer. If a green thumbprint appears on the screen, they get to stay. If a red thumbprint appears, they have to leave. Afi gets the green. Charlie gets the green. Henry gets the green. Jennifer gets the green and mouths "Thank you!" Jim gets the green. Kate gets the green. Okay, the one flaw in my Kate Mole theory is that when she got the green, she looked genuinely surprised. But maybe she's a good actress. Kathryn gets the green. Manuel...gets the red. Aw. Like we didn't see it coming. Everyone looks sad. Manuel grabs his bag and walks out with Cooper.
Kate claims to be in shock, because she's the Sonja. Well, that's not what she said, but it's what she meant. Kathryn says that she is sad for Manuel and wipes away the fakest of tears. Jennifer wishes they had spent the $10,000 and let Manuel have that night in Paris. Wendi is actually crying, and saying that she wishes she spent more time with him. Jesus, he's not dead, people. He's going home! Chill out. You know they really all want to stand up and start cheering because they made it to the episode. Except The Mole (Kate) who was never really worried in the first place. Oh, God. They actually do a Manuel montage. He was there two days! I'm surprised they don't play "I Will Remember You" in the background. Cooper tells Manuel it was good to have him in the game, and Manuel departs.
There's a disclaimer at the end of the episode that says, "For dramatic purposes, the order of the players skydiving has been changed. For time, game play has been edited and one test segment was eliminated. None of these affected the outcome." I applaud that! They actually admitted that they changed things around, instead of doing what Bunim-Murray always do -- leave me to puzzle it out and tear my hair out. Thank you! I'm going to consider that a shout-out.
week, it looks like Stephen gets kidnapped and they have to find him. And someone else gets eliminated. See you then!