First, we get a series of interviews to find out what the contestants think about the game, now that Marcie has been executed. Paul is concerned, since Marcie was his rock-solid coalition partner. And man, if they were targeting the same person as The Mole, he better change things up, quickly. Liz is disappointed that Nicole got rewarded for her bad behavior. Craig has three goals: to not soil himself (success!), to not embarrass his family (maybe) and not get executed (success!). He's pleased with his track record.
Jon welcomes us to Santiago, Chile, which is a mountainous territory. Nicole has rejoined the group, and she promises us that she's going to be a little bit quieter and more stealthy now. Paul says he's not convinced of Nicole's turnaround just yet. Nicole thinks that, because she's taller than Paul, she can take him. The bickering ends (FOR NOW!), and Jon instructs them to break into two groups: a group of nine people who are goal-oriented, and a group of two who look at life as an uphill battle. Liz immediately starts yelling, "I'm in the group of two! I'm in the group of two!" Craig wants to join her. Nicole suggests having Kristen and Mark in the uphill battle, since they are runners. Mark interviews that everyone except Craig and Liz seemed to get that the uphill battle people were going to have to run up the mountain or something. People murmur and mutter and peas and carrots for a while until finally Paul makes them vote, and the majority want Mark and Kristen in the group of two.
That finally decided, Jon tells them about the mission, which is a race to the summit. Mark and Kristen will be riding a tandem bike, while the others ride to the top in a gondola, which takes ten minutes. If the gondola-riders get there first, they earn $35,000 for the pot, but they have to earn their way onto the ride by scoring one goal against a champion soccer team. If anyone didn't guess right here that they'd be playing against either kids or, like, donkeys, you've never seen this show before. If Mark and Kristen get there first, no money is added to the pot, and they both get exemptions. Bobby brags in an interview that he played soccer in middle and high school, and so did Alex. Oh, who didn't play soccer in high school? ...Well, I didn't, actually. But I could have! I just played volleyball instead. Also, I hate running. And the soccer coach used to make the players run like a hundred miles a day, and there was sometimes snow. So, you know, other than that.
Mark and Kristen take off, and the chain immediately comes off their bike. The soccer team takes the field, and feels confident with their ringers. And then they find out that their opponents are little kids, so they think they're totally going to win. Craig tells us that he wishes he had a cup to wear, because his nieces and nephews hit him in the balls a lot. Maybe they just don't like you, dude? So the soccer game starts and the little kids are awesome. And they're all pumped when they score a goal, which is adorable.
Kristen and Mark manage to get their bike going for a while, but then the chain comes off again and again. Mark goes all Super Veiny Biking Dad and screams, and they decide to just run up the hill while pushing the bike. I kind of thought they might get a penalty for that, but apparently not. Meanwhile, the kids are winning like four hundred to zero at soccer. Bobby dies of lack of muscle tone or wimpiness or possibly scurvy and has to take the goal so he can drink some water. I feel like he needs a medical checkup or something.
Mark and Kristen are still moving. Kristen doesn't think Mark is The Mole because he wants the exemption so badly. On the other hand, Mark suspects Kristen because she wants to keep the money out of the pot and would also want the exemption to keep another player from getting it. You see how that works? This game will drive you crazy because every action can be interepreted two ways.
Craig manages to score a goal for the other team somehow, but it doesn't even matter because they're not trying to win -- they just need to score one goal. Paul falls to the ground and starts spitting, but meanwhile he hasn't even broken a sweat. Bobby is still whining about water. I am not that empathetic until I realize they're probably at a high altitude. But the winning goal ain't happening, and time has run out. So now it goes to a penalty kick situation. Alex goes first, and misses, and Bobby thinks it was pathetic. Unlike, say, being unable to run and whining for water all the time? Ali finally saves the day by scoring a goal, and the team heads off to the gondola. Except then they get in an argument about how to get there, despite the fact that they have a map. Alex and Victoria run ahead, but Liz has to stop and sit down because she thinks she's going to black out. Paul waits with her, which is nicer than I would expect from him, although he does have the ulterior motive of wanting to hustle her along. The people who ran ahead seem confused about the fact that they all have to make it up the mountain to win the money, I think. Or maybe they're just annoyed by everyone else and wanted a few moments' peace.
Clay refers to the trailing group as "the worst group alive," adding that it contained Craig, Bobby, and Liz, while Paul and Ali stayed behind to encourage them, which he found suspicious. I hope they get to do challenges soon that don't rely on physical fitness, because I feel bad for Fatty, Oldy and Wimpy always getting lumped into the "bad people" group. But obviously, I don't feel bad enough for them to call them by their actual names. Kristen and Mark are still running, but they get sidetracked by Jon, who invites them to sit down, roadside, and have a beverage. He offers to let them take a cab to the top, but adds that they'll forego their exemptions and take another $5,000 from the pot. Mark is immediately like, "No! Let's GO!" and a couple of veins burst in his head. Kristen is making weird hand signals to someone -- Mark? A producer? But they eventually refuse the offer.
The fast goal-oriented group reaches the top just as the slow goal-oriented group gets into the gondola. Of course, we have no clue where Mark and Kristen are in relation to the others. The goal-oriented team finally makes it to the summit, but they immediately start bickering some more. Jon calls out for Mark and Kristen to reveal themselves if they are already there - and they are! I was actually surprised by that, so good editing, show. So no money goes in the pot, and Mark and Kristen get exemptions. No one mentions the deal Mark and Kristen turned down, so I don't know if the others ever found out about that. Paul jokes that, by the end of this, they're going to owe the show money. As the contestants eat, they all start blaming each other for the loss. Paul focuses in on Bobby, asking him why he was so useless. And while I don't agree with Paul's tactics and tone, he's kind of right. But dude, do you need to scream at the dude while people are trying to enjoy their lunch? Victoria tells everyone to stop because they failed as a team. Nicole was happy that she could sit back and watch other people attacking each other.
Back at the hotel, Victoria, Craig, Bobby and Kristen sit around and talk about how Bobby is a terrible athlete. Paul, Clay and some others join the group. Victoria points out that they're supposed to be making The Mole's job harder, and they're actually making it easier, so they need to start working together more. Paul just goes, "Screw you." Whuh? Where did that come from? I don't think I like this level of bickering on my show. Cut it out, casting directors. Anyway, Victoria and Paul go at it for a while, and I don't know why Victoria engages him, because he's an idiot. And also, Bobby is a grown-up (allegedly) and can stick up for himself. Paul interviews that he's trying to get under people's skin. Victoria has the best line ever, when Kristen asks if she can forgive Paul: "No, I'm fine. I'm used to people like that. I work in retail." Giiiiiiirl. I feel you. I feel like I can do any job now, because nothing compares to the jackass customers I had to deal with during my retail days.
The players leave Santiago and head to Pomaire, which is more rural. They end up on a ranch with something that looks like a small bullfighting arena. Also, nearby -- a pigpen. Nicole actually cracks me up when she says, "I do like pigs. [Beat.] As long as they're, you know, cooked right." Jon explains the mission. A local potter makes clay pigs, but someone has stolen fifty of her pigs and hidden them in the village. Jon tells them the split up into three groups of three and one group of two. Paul volunteers to be in the group of two, and Liz joins him. Here's what I don't get about the weather where they are. Many of the women are wearing tank tops and shorts, but then Clay and Mark have on, like, sweatshirts. WTF? Anyway, the other groups are: Alex, Victoria and Nicole (the type A group); Ali, Mark and Clay (the leftover group); and Craig, Bobby and Kristen (the rejects). The three groups will have to travel to the village and find as many of the fifty missing clay pigs as possible. They'll bring the pigs back, and use a slingshot to propel them into the arena (so the pigs will fly, get it?). Mark and Liz will use a blanket to catch the pigs; each unbroken pig earns the group $1000. The potter and her son will be working on making more pigs; time is up when they have made 12 pigs, which will take them about an hour. Jon starts them off with one clay pig, and tells everyone that there is one exemption in play on this mission.
I'm really biased against Paul, not just because he's a dillhole, but also because he's wearing a Yankees jersey (yay!) but it's brown (bwuh?). I am constitutionally against Yankee paraphenelia that is not regulation colors. I will make an execption for pink baseball caps, but only for little girls and not grown ladies. And that's only because I bought one for my cousin's baby, and he lives in Boston and is a Red Sox fan. Anyway, the teams all take off without forming any plan whatsoever, despite the fact that all three teams will be searching the same area. The reject team is walking from the jump and Bobby dies from lupus or something so he hops in the wheelbarrow they have to carry the pigs and Kristen pushes him. He's a grown man, sitting in the wheelbarrow. I don't even know anymore. Mark goes all Super Veiny Pig-Seeking Dad and starts yelling at the villagers, but he doesn't know Spanish. Alex does, and manages to get the villagers to help him find all the pigs. In the best shot ever, we see Kristen running by with Bobby in the wheelbarrow, and then [Beat.] [Beat.] [Beat.] Craig jogs by, sweaty and pink-faced.
Team Reject arrives at the first stall, which has already been picked clean by the other teams. This is why pre-planning would help. The villager tries to tell them that another team has already been by, and Bobby goes, "Me llamo Roberto," which cracked me up, because I once was trying to impress my nephew with my Spanish skills (note: never took Spanish class) and all I knew how to say was, "I live in a bread store with Paco." Luckily, he's five, and was impressed. I also told my younger nephew that his name in Spanish was Poco Loco and I think he bought it, so hopefully he's been telling other people. Meanwhile, Team Reject is sorting through buckets of clay pigs with no luck. Kristen keeps searching while Craig wanders off down the street and Bobby goes and hangs out in the wheelbarrow. I wish I were joking.
Team Type A has a full wheelbarrow. They run into Team Reject, and Bobby proposes taking the full wheelbarrow and heading back so that Team Type A can keep searching. It's not a bad idea except that A) Team Type A would be concerned about Mole sabotage and B) how will Team Reject get back when the wheelbarrow is too full for Bobby to sit in? Bobby interviews that Alex shot the idea down, and he hates Alex. I kind of hate Bobby. Usually, I root for the underdog, but Bobby's a little bitch. Bobby uses his energy to blab some more about how he hates Alex instead of actually, you know, standing up and walking. Team Leftover also decides to head back to the arena. Bobby continues sitting in the wheelbarrow, annoying Kristen. Team Leftover gets lost. How? The village is like three streets. Team Type A wonders where the exemption will come in. Alex thinks that one of the pigs contains an exemption, and it might be marked.
Back at the arena, Paul starts shaking the pig that Jon left them on the table, and hears something inside. Liz can't figure out why Paul is so obsessed, and Paul finally just smashes the pig against the wall. Sure enough, it contains an exemption. Liz is kicking herself that she didn't figure it out first, and claims that she would have wrestled Paul to the ground to get it from him. Damn. I would have liked to have seen Paul get his ass beat by a senior citizen.
Team Type A returns, still bitching about Team Reject's plan, like give it up, guys. It's over. Nicole and Victoria hold the slingshot while Alex launches the pigs. It takes them a while to figure it out and a bunch of pigs smash. Meanwhile, the potter has completed ten out of the twelve pigs. Team Rejects returns, and the others wonder why Bobby's in a wheelbarrow, now being pushed by Craig. And guess what? Craig has some nerdy expertise in giant slingshots! Speaking of Alex, Craig says, "I don't think he's The Mole. I think he's just kind of dumb." Craig takes over holding the slingshot and they immediately start succeeding. Team Leftovers returns and Super Veiny Water-Drinking Dad keeps bitching that they aren't going fast enough and he doesn't want to have any pigs left over when their time's up. And yet what is he doing to help? Standing around, drinking water and bitching. He does offer to help, but it's kind of a three-person job. He keeps criticizing the job, and time is almost out. They launch the last few pigs just as time runs out, so it didn't really matter that Team Rejects didn't find any pigs, because they wouldn't have had time to launch them anyway.
Jon announces that Team Type A brought back 26 pigs, Team Leftovers brought back 18, and Team Rejects brought back 0. Kristen throws Bobby under the bus by saying that they had an injured player and had to wheel him around. Then again, Bobby deserves to be thrown under the bus. Paul agrees, except he's about 1000% more sexist about it; he seems to be more upset that Bobby is "a so-called man" that let a woman push him around. So if Craig had pushed the wheelbarrow, it would have been fine? Also, I think most of the women on the show could kick Paul's ass, so he might want to shut his stupid ass face. Jon counts the intact clay pigs, and says that they earned $28,000 and it brings the total pot to $63,000. Jon has Paul announce that he earned the third exemption, and that it cost the team $1000. No one really cares about the loss of money because they broke a lot of pigs regardless.
That night, Craig and Bobby mess around with the cameras. Bobby discovers that Alex left his journal in their room, so he totally starts reading it. In an interview, Bobby gloats that he can't believe how dumb Alex is to leave his journal around. Bobby admits to Craig that the journal is pretty useless. Craig wonders if perhaps Alex left it in there on purpose. In another room, Alex sings and plays sitar or something for everyone, and then interviews that he purposely left his journal sitting around for others to find. So he's not as dumb as Bobby and Craig think.
At dinner, everyone bickers and it's getting pretty fucking tiresome, so that's all I'll say about that. So then they all take the quiz, and I notice that this season, it seems like a lot of the questions are very specific about one person, like: "Was The Mole in a wheelbarrow for most of the mission?" Various players discuss their theories on who The Mole is, but since we don't know how they vote, it doesn't really help figure anything out. And seriously, you could twist any behavior at all into Mole-like behavior, so I'm not going to get caught up in that.
Execution time! Clay: safe! Alex: safe! Victoria: safe! Bobby: safe! Liz: executed! Jon walks Liz to her van and she claims that jumping over the waterfall was her favorite moment.
And then, just when you think the show's over, Paul has to open his big fat yap and says that he would have rather seen Nicole go instead of Liz and Bobby was useless. Bobby claims that some people are competitive and classy at the same time, and Paul wonders if it's classy to get pushed around in a wheelbarrow. Um, Paul kind of has a point? Even if it's an assy one? Nicole mutters: "I'm gonna kill you while you sleep." It's awesome because she doesn't even look at Paul, she just keeps staring forward. Paul keeps yapping away, and Nicole coldly says, "I can do it, and not leave any forensic evidence." Paul yaps, and Nicole blurts out, "Okay, wake up dead." I don't know. It kind of cracked me up.
I'm still going with Clay for my Mole pick. Don't know why.
Watch our video about The Mole. See what other summer shows are heating up the airwaves in our Summer of Love and Hate!