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Pissy after last week's epic and beautiful fight, Joss leaves her sister Savannah's pool house to go live with April and Lucy. But between losing Savi as home base on the one hand -- and befuddled by Alex and Olivier's easy friendliness after working so hard to get at him -- Joss only lasts a couple days before a pretty dark meltdown that leaves her emotionally bereft. Which is, of course, exactly the right time for Alex to explain how friendship works, and pick her back up. Less encouragingly, Joss then decides to move in with Alex, which seems like a serious trainwreck idea. We hope for the best.
Before that, though, Joss lays down some excellent real talk on April. After she signs over 20 percent of the shop to get rid of Miranda, Richard asks April away for the weekend (and also wants to tell the girls they're together). She's unsure about all that, but then starts "hallucinating" her dead husband places, which causes her to go mental until Joss explains that whether she's obsessing on grief, or bigamy, or the Miranda shakedown, or ghosts, she's still all about Paul when she should be all about April. (And Lucy… and Hot Dad.) April has a midnight conversation with his gravestone -- because she's April Malloy and that's the April way you do things -- and then just when she's gone eponymously all in with Richard, Paul turns up at her door very much alive.
Buying yet more spy stuff for her house which is already full of spy stuff, Karen runs into Detective Newsome, who suddenly is off her case and interested in being friends or something. After some beautifully shot scenes of her being artsy around her house, she gets creeped out by a mysterious stalker (Sam, obvi) and ends up bonding pretty heavily with Newsome over some wine. At the last second, she realizes she's being a serial monogamist because of Tom Grey grief -- not to mention, as she says, it's still not "clean" between her and Newsome because the investigation is ongoing -- and puts the brakes on. Her big cliffhanger in this halfway-point episode is that Sam Grey is totally stalking her, looking just a little crazier than before.
Savannah continues having her same boring problems and repetitive conversations she always has with Dominic and Harry, but I realized this week it's because part of her story is being in limbo. Until the paternity test comes back -- and then, of course, the baby -- her stress is all about not being able to really make any decisions or do anything of any kind, which is why she's spinning her wheels and being boring. It doesn't help, but I just hadn't thought of that. Anyway, Harry's trying his best and asks to come with her to the retirement party for that partner who's leaving, and then within seconds punches the shit out of Dominic.
How that happens is interesting, though, because Savi can't keep her lies straight, so Dominic thinks that Harry doesn't know they fucked but he does believe it's Harry's baby, while Harry knows the whole story. So Dom's being pretty cool when he congratulates Harry on the baby they're having, as a married couple, which seems like a total dick move where he's saying the opposite. After a stern talking-to from Dominic, who figures everything out instantly, Savi goes home to wait for Harry once again, this time for over 12 hours. day, he's right back to being impassive and snotty -- with more and more reason every week to be so. I will be so freakin' glad when those test results come in, because this is for the birds. I want to see Savannah do something. That was so exciting, that one time she actually did something.
Week: I think she gets the results? That's exciting. Joss moves in with Alex, which could well be a great idea, who knows. April gets the download on what her dead husband's been up to for three years, and then hopefully kills him like in Double Jeopardy and runs off to Santa Barbara with Richard like any sane person would do. And spookily enough, Sam starts seeing Jacob Lerner as his therapist! Is that a power move or not? I can't figure out whether that's a power move or just deeply crazy. Story of my life.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!PREVIOUSLY
Karen totally let Sam Grey take her on a date and kiss her, the only right decision she has ever made in her entire life. Now he is stalking her a little bit. April sold part of her store to get Miranda Nickleby out of the picture, but something about the way she keeps saying "original investor" makes me wonder if it won't be some stuntcasted person down the line. Joss finally found about Savannah's one-night stand and baby daddy drama, and managed to -- pretty convincingly, oddly enough -- make it all about her.
MALLOY
Joss: "Oh, you don't have to get rid of all your dead husband's stuff after three years on my account."
April: "You kind of answered your own question there, huh, but if you want to see it as a favor, go ahead. Want to smell this t-shirt that says World's Greatest Dad? It still smells of Greatness."
Joss: "I am going to need your entire closet for my shoes. They are the only belongings I take with me in my vagabond homeless life because my priorities are for shit."
April: "I am going to regret this, but do you want to talk about your drama?"
Joss: "No, do you want to talk about Richard's penis? Or just penises?"
April: "Having just gotten over freezing Savi out for cheating on her husband, I feel entitled to lecture you about freezing Savi out for cheating on her husband."
Joss: "And as a new long-term guest in your home, I feel entitled to say fuck right off."
SAVANNAH'S ACTUAL KITCHEN
Harry: "I am upset about your suggestion to take lamb off the restaurant menu! It is a signature dish, not to mention a metaphor for my wife's vagina!"
Partner: "I'm just saying, it's okay to get tired of lamb. Pretty much everybody is tired of your lamb. Your lamb is a hurricane of destruction. It's okay to say no to the lamb."
Harry: "It's not that easy to part with the lamb dish! The lamb is all I know! The lamb got me my green card!"
Partner: "I am in charge of the money and I am here to tell you that the lamb is costing us too much. Lamb is costing more and more all the time, especially now that it's cutting its hours down at the office."
Harry: "Well, I'm not asking my wife for money if that's what you're suggesting. I hate her way too much for that."
Partner: "Remember how the place is called Savannah's Kitchen? Because she financed your dumb dream with her entire life savings? Maybe you should reconsider being super bitchy."
Harry: "I am more attached to being super bitchy than I even am to the lamb."
HIKING W/ KAREN
Karen: "Oh, is that a rattlesnake? Or is it a bear? Did that bear or snake drop its wallet? Let's go tongue-kiss the bear. I'm gonna stick my hand in its mouth and see what happens."
Savi: "Whatever. Listen to me whine about my divorce I am forcing to happen through sheer force of will."
Karen: "Only if you'll listen to me whine about my boyfriend Sam."
Savi: "Uh, what? Are we still on that?"
Karen: "He's actually stalking me now. I'm not even involved in it. He will probably murder me. It's no big deal."
Savi, verbatim: "Well, you're the professional!"
JOSS
Alex rides the elevator up to Joss's office with Olivier and they talk about yoga and her magic bead bracelet and whatever Alex-type stuff they're both into. Bananas.
Alex: "I've been dying to go to India!"
Olivier: "Of course you have. Get a real job and maybe one day you can."
When Olivier gets off the elevator, they're chatty -- but he cuts his eyes immediately to the side when he spots Joss coming to meet her, which results in an exquisite reaction shot from Joss that is like something Beyoncé would do as a dance move. I guess she's not allowed to know that he secretly finds her charming and/or they are going to obviously fuck in five minutes.
Joss: "Fuckin' A. Olivier likes you? This is the worst thing that has ever happened! Give me that coffee."
This is a great development, actually. I'm so rooting for Joss, and her life is getting populated by more and more people that bring her coolness out. I hope this blows up in her face in some way, that would be neat for her.
DAVIS
Harry: "We need to talk."
Savi: "That is the worst thing you can ever say to a person. Remove that phrase from your vocabulary, everybody. It is purified, weaponized passive-aggression."
Harry: "Quitting your job is dumb. Don't give up the lamb dish of making partner."
Savi: "Thank God we both look amazing in this scene because I could swear you're implying we're going to stay married, and if you weren't, I would freak out, and neither of us are styled like I'm about to freak out."
Harry: "Fine, I'll let you off the hook in this one single way. We are not divorcing."
SPY STORE
Karen doesn't have nearly enough surveillance equipment, she needs more. You know who else needs spy stuff all the time? Detectives.
Karen: "Detective Newsome, hey! I was just at this spy store buying more spy stuff for my robot house that is already under constant surveillance."
Newsome: "Nice knowing you because my investigation is over. (OR IS IT?)"
Karen: "When you say the investigation is over, does that mean Thomas Grey's death will no longer be investigated?"
Newsome: "I don't know. That question makes no sense. Hey, about your huge lies..."
Karen: "Yeah, about those. Listen, the reason I lied to your face about whether or not Thomas Grey was suicidal or not was because I felt like it."
Newsome: "What a sign of character! Can I ask you on a date? I am into total trainwrecks."
MAISON
Richard: "Are you really stalling on selling a piece of your business by literally hovering a pen over the paperwork with your eyes crossed? That is almost as adorable as I am."
April: "Twenty percent of my life is no longer mine. And I still gotta sell all this crap every day. I hate my fuckin' dream."
Richard: "...Oh, and now you've signed it."
April: "Thanks for being here. You standing there being amazing really helped."
Richard: "Do you want to go on a date?"
April: "Isn't it better for us to just fuck randomly? I mean, you're always in this store. It seems like when we try to actually go on a date, people come back from the dead or their kids are turned into dog food, or... I mean how many babysitters have died within minutes of us getting together? And that's not including all the times I broke our dates for no reason whatsoever. I could do that at any time, I have no way of knowing."
Richard: "I have a secret plan and a big secret question for you!"
April: "You know that I don't like surprises."
Richard: "Surprise! My dimples."
JOSS
Deletes an apologetic voicemail from Savi, and then is summoned into Olivier's office wearing once again an incredibly cute outfit: A black-striped Paris boatneck type of shirt, super high heels, and a spinny bright-red skirt. She loves that black and red, and she should. It fits her visually and personality-wise, both.
Olivier: "Who's your friend?"
Joss: "On the phone? That's not my friend, that's my bitch sister."
Olivier: "I can't see through walls so I didn't know you were on the phone. Obviously I'm talking about the gorgeous girl from the elevator."
Joss: "Alex? She was a client. Of sorts."
Olivier: "And now?"
Joss: "Now she is a wastrel whose bitch lesbian wife has taken her business elsewhere."
Olivier: "We're done talking."
She slams the door on her way out, with a sparkle, and again Olivier finds this adorable in secret. I have to say, if he's going to keep liking the exact things that are horrible about her, it's best to keep it to himself. That way he gets to enjoy life, and she doesn't have any unnecessary encouragement to act like this.
LAW OFC BKRM
Savi: "Dominic, I just wanted to say I am not leaving. I want to make partner."
Dom: "That's great news! For you. For me, it's whatever because I am not that interested in your life like you think I am."
Savi: "Great, but I just wanted to reiterate, as I do in every episode, that we need to stay apart from each other when possible."
Dom: "Yeah no, I got that memo. You sent me an actual memo about this."
Savi: "Great, so we're clear? Oh, and just one more thing, we need to steer clear of each other."
Dom: "For sure. Especially because in this episode, there's only one partnership open. One of the things I love about working here is how everything is different in every episode. Oh, and there's a big retirement party for the dude that's retiring whose job we're now going to be fighting for, I guess."
Savi: "If I ever came to work I would know shit like this."
Just then a siren sounds and half of one floor moves up and over on top of another one, creating an atrium space because they work at Hogwarts and shit is always changing around. Escher stairs that go up, then over here, then down there, then up again over here, and then David Bowie's dick is staring right at you.
KAREN
Listens to sexy music and drinks wine in her shortie-shorts and looks gorgeous wandering around her living room with a million candles going and an aquarium turning everything wonderfully blue. The whole thing is not only expertly dressed and lit, but also shot so beautifully, with these compositions where she's only in the right third of the screen and all you can see is the big open space where her fear is, but which is still lush and sexy because her fear is lush and sexy. (Because Sam Grey is those things also.) Great stuff.
Anyway, there are like a million missed calls with no message, from Sam Grey's number, so she calls Savi, no answer -- these people do not have phones that work in this show! -- and then she plays with her robot house from the iPad, like she already had in the first or second episode. Also, one of the cameras is out. Probably Sam Grey blinked at it, and the thing just fucking died right there.
I love how halfway through the season she's like, "Oh, that whole time I was saying just come kill me, just come murder the shit out of me I didn't know I was serious. Battin' a thousand, Dr. Kim." What do you even do when Karen Kim finally acknowledges the gravity of her situation? Assume that there's a million other horrible things going on that she has yet to learn about and thence muck up, that's my bet.
DAVIS
Harry: "You're home early."
Savi: "Yeah, retirement party. Good thing my entire look, down to my hair and jewelry, was a total night look to begin with."
Harry: "Can I come with you?"
Savi: "Uh, what?"
Harry: "Are you saying you don't want me to go?"
Savi: "No I'm just worried you are having a stroke. Where are the hurled accusations, the pissy rejoinders, the breaking down into tears because you are too full of hate to express?"
Harry: "It's a long story. It has to do with a lamb dish."
KAREN
Lies in bed in her shortie-shorts and mood lighting, looking amazing some more, watching TV nervously. She just can't settle on one thing, I guess because she has never seen a TV before and there's so much for her to learn. What is a "news"? What is "Kardashians"? Who will be a "top chef" and what is one of those? What is "shamwow"?
The News: "In other news, bitches are getting murdered right and left."
Karen: "Aw damn. I knew it."
A dude in a black cloak and a Ghostface Killah mask goes running through her bedroom, swoosh. She's unbothered. Candles light themselves, laughing and hooting. Karen Kim doesn't give a shit. All the doors are opened and closed, opened and closed, and a murder of inky-black crows flies out of the chimney and into the aquarium and as they're splashing around in there Karen Kim literally says out loud, "Karen Kim, you are being ridiculous."
What does scare her? That camera that she knew was not operational is still not operational. That scares the hell out of her because one thing Karen Kim does not understand is causality. So she calls Detective Newsome, rather than anyone she actually knows because that is how Karen Kim rolls.
MALBEC
April: "This restaurant is so classy! It has grownup features such as plates and tablecloths. It is named for wine. What is your secret question?"
Richard: "Do you want to go to Santa Barbara?"
April: "The soap opera or the animation company? Just kidding. The web of lies and deception I have spun unnecessarily for Lucy's benefit has a problem with that. You know, because of my ghost husband."
Richard: "My daughter slashed my tires when I told her I was dating again. Just kidding. Grow the fuck up."
April: "Have you met that girl? She's less like a daughter, more like a life coach."
Richard: "Fine, we can talk about it when I get back from a business."
April: "Okay. But may I remind you, I have yet to make a single decision, ever, in my life."
YOGA
Joss: "These ropes on the wall of your yoga studio remind me of sex! So does the water fountain! So does that towel! So does the sky!"
Alex: "I can't come play with you. Now that I am a grown-ass woman making my way in the world, I have to teach all the yogas I can. Are you okay?"
Joss: "Stop showing concern for me like everyone else, despite my not deserving it! Oh, and get this, Olivier loves you back."
Alex: "You need to quit with this guy. It's getting weird."
Actually it's getting amazing. I don't have quite this much faith in the show, but I am willing to admit the possibility that Joss is being presented with the opportunity to learn an entirely different coping strategy by this issue with this man. This man who is just tofu to her, like they teach you in Zen: You can't fight tofu, so the tofu always wins.
Do you know what a Saturn Return is? When you're 29, the planet Saturn comes back to where it was when you were born, and everything goes to hell because Saturn is Jove, Cronus: The God of Very Hard Things, the Emperor Who Devours You. Any brick wall you're inclined to beat your head against, that's what life 100 percent is, when you're 29. Maybe you make the most of the opportunity and turn into a grownup, maybe it scares you so backwards you get stuck in this form for a little while longer, but either way that's when life comes flying up at you like the concrete and says, Whatever you thought you were, that needs to radically come apart. Grow the fuck up.
And that's Olivier: If she can't borderline her way around him or otherwise manipulate him, he becomes the God of Very Hard Things to her. That's why I like his secret affection for her, and his complete disinterest in her bullshit because that's what growing up is all about. You stop whining and you start meeting the world more than halfway because nobody cares how special you are. Only God cares about how special you are, and He's not going to let you see Him smile any more than your commanding officer in the Army would because it would fuck up the whole point. The point is He's thwarting me! And He has to go on thwarting you, forever, until you grow the fuck up because what you're doing is only barely working anyway.
Anyway, Alex basically tries to explain this to Joss: That it's fine for her to just be friendly with the guy on the elevator, and it's fine that Joss doesn't get to have that relationship with him. Because to Alex he's just some nice guy, but for Joss "just some nice guy" is the only thing Olivier cannot be. No matter how many times she tries to be friendly, funny, quirky, sexy, intimate, emotional, bantering, posturing, silly, cerebral, proud, strong, professional, talented, or anything else, she's not getting in there.
And a small part of that is that Joss doesn't see people that way, as "just people" rather than, I dunno, carnie marks, which is why she never gets that reaction -- but most of it is that (speaking of borderline sexual shitstorms that happen all the time for these exact growing-up reasons) you can't be real friends with your own professors in college, but everybody else is fair game. Alex's "nice bracelet" moment would be fraternization with Joss, who sleeps with every boss, which is no good for anybody -- and everyone in the situation understands that except Joss, which is why we're even having this conversation. Because she deserves to, and she's never gonna get there on her own because her game is too good. Being Joss is a performance based on what works, so it always works, so there's no reason to change... But then, every problem started out as a solution.
MALBEC
April bats her eyes, like this. She puckers up her lips, like this. But it is no help. Richard has a business to do. And just as he's putting on her coat for her, who appears across the street? A GHOST!
Richard: "You look like you've seen a ghost!"
April: "I think I am just sauced. Just kidding, it was an actual ghost."
Man, I was really hoping she would get over this ghost shit. But when a ghost actually appears, it becomes more difficult to do so. I cannot wait for when she tells them about this latest ghost adventure and Savannah just straight hurls a wine glass at the wall.
KAREN
Karen: "Thanks for fixing this camera. It was a real imposition and I am crazy and kind of an asshole for calling you."
Newsome: "That's fine, I've got nothing going on other than to fix things for paranoids that lie to my face about shit and endanger my job."
(They laugh because sometimes that's all you can do.)
Karen: "Would you like a glass of water? Like you are a landscaper?"
Newsome: "No, this is the part where you invite me in for a glass of wine."
Karen: "I appreciate the advice, human, and thank you for not taking offense."
RETIREMENT PARTY
Harry looks dumb in his blue suit, looks dumb grabbing Savi's hand, makes her jewel-tone emerald dress look dumb. Everything's dumb.
Savi: "Okay. So I'll impress the partners, and you keep that gross accent under wraps."
Harry: "Can you just point me directly to Dominic because that's obviously why I'm here? To punch in him his sperms?"
APRIL
April: "I saw Paul! Standing there being dead!"
Joss: "Drink some of my drink I was just drinking out of your liquor cabinet."
April: "So I was enjoying dinner, Richard is perfect, he wants to tell the girls we're together and go to Santa Barbara..."
Joss: "You're telling Lucy, that's a big step! I love commitment."
April: "Shut up there was a ghost, I'm getting to the ghost. You stupid woman."
Joss: "No, you stupid woman. Listen to me. You are sabotaging your shit. The ghost turned into Miranda, and now that you've dealt with Miranda she's turning back into the ghost. You are the one doing this. You are scared of the perfection that is Hot Dad -- but more importantly, you're still all about Paul. Whether the three years in mourning or the three weeks of pissed off, you're hurting yourself and your future and nobody else."
April: "God, you are good at this. Why do we always go to Savannah? Why do we go to fuckin' Karen? You are the only one who ever knows what's up."
RETIREMENT PARTY
Dominic: "Hey Harry, why would this be weird?"
Harry: "Why are you talking to me?"
Dominic: "Congratulations on your baby!"
Harry: "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Because he doesn't know that Savannah weirdly lied to Dominic about the baby -- or about this paternity test that apparently the lab is on the Moon and we will never ever find out who the father is until the baby actually comes out even though Savi paid to expedite that shit -- Harry is kinda justified in punching Dominic in his dumb HR nightmare face.
On the other hand, you are at your wife's work. Me, I think we give (white) men too much of a pass for violence anyway, like: Self-control is an actual thing, not an urban legend. You can have it, the only reason you don't have it is because the rest of us tell you it's okay if you don't. Why do we do that?
On the other other hand, this is a soap opera. If I wrote a soap opera it would suck, it would just be people calmly affirming each other's choices and offering the occasional course-corrective suggestions. Even the great Once & Again had more drama than my drama would have, and that was a show mainly about having dinner. Me, though, no punching for sure. Fashions, it would have. People being sensitive to each other's issues and reminding each other that privilege is something to be aware of, not ashamed of. Great huge glasses of red wine at all times. Sam Grey all up on this.
Retiree: "Great Scott, what was that crashing sound? It was almost like your career shattering into a million pieces, Savannah."
Savi: "I'm sure it was, dude."
Savi: "Dominic, your face looks very punched. Tell me that's a coincidence."
Dom: "I would have liked to know a few things about our little triad. Like that he knew about it? Or that you lied about the baby to one or both of us?"
Savi: "I don't have to justify myself to you!"
Dom: "Um, actually you do? My face is punched?"
Savi: "I have done everything I can! To make my situation horrific."
Dom: "You are a huge liar. Actually... You don't even know if it is my baby. My God, you're awful."
Savi: "That's what they tell me."
SOME BAR
Alex: "Joss, please be less drunk. You've gone past fun into the dark."
Joss: "Instead, I will do a sexy dance on you for male attention."
Alex: "Now I feel gross in a couple ways, actually."
Joss: "I will continue to make you feel sad and weird until I can shove you over the edge and bring you down with me."
Alex: "This is a behavior. This isn't just you cutting loose, this is you acting out. Please, honey, talk to me."
Joss: "Stop calling me a slut! Stop judging me! Start doing everything I say!"
Alex: "You're fucking up literally everything, and I know you can't hear me, and I don't want it to be weird later and we can still save this, so here's some money for a cab. Please do not get murdered. I will still be your best friend tomorrow, I hope you remember me saying that."
It's weird because this exact thing -- the blackout plus the creepy behaviors -- we actually have a name for, like a safe-word that you say and then it's time for the person to reassess. We call it "going down the Baby Jessica Rabbit Hole," which is several jokes at once. All of which totally apply.
KAREN
Newsome: "[Some boring story about previously being a police detective.]"
Karen: "[Loves it because she has never heard a story before.]"
Newsome: "It's kind of like being somebody's doctor. You can't save everybody, and you get all attached to people, and then people get hurt."
Karen: "Are we talking about me?"
Newsome: "No, still me. I got a CI killed. I guess by loving him too much or something? Maybe by prescribing lethal doses of morphine, who knows? This story is too boring to figure out what I'm talking about."
He leans in for a kiss as he's leaving, and I guess she can hear me scream SAM through the TV, so she shuts that shit down very suddenly.
Karen: "It's not clean between us. The investigation is still open. Not making that mistake again. The mistake you were just talking about, and how we shouldn't make it."
Newsome: "Whatever. As the first good call you've ever made in your life, I applaud you. As a man who came here in the middle of the night to fix your paranoia cameras and listened to your weird stories and drank your weird wine and thought I was on a date, I do not applaud you. Let's focus on the first one, though."
ALEX
As Savannah is discovering that Harry's still on a rampage somewhere, Joss awesomely shows up at Alex's, having taken that cab over the second she shook the crazy down enough to realize Alex was right about everything -- and more impressively, that she wouldn't mind round two. Not stewers, these two, which I very much appreciate. It can take a lot to get through the icky shame of a moment like that and remember who your friends are. Especially for somebody like Joss, who doesn't understand the difference between boundaries and anger.
"See this gorgeous face? This is my gorgeous worried face. I'm not mad, I don't judge you. I would say I love you, except that would be weird for other reasons. I am your BFF. You have been acting weird for a few days now, real impulsive and youthful and trainwrecky, and you won't talk to me about it, but you keep rubbing up against it and like forcing me to ask you about it? Which is unfair, on one level, but on another level means it's kind of my duty to push past your walls and get you talking. If only for my own self-preservation, and that of our relationship."
Joss: "You need to understand that this is part of me. I am part wild."
Alex: "I really don't think that's true. That's something that people say only when they haven't actually made peace with it like the rest of us have."
Joss: "Fine. Obviously this is because I broke up with my sister. Part two, I moved out. Part three, it was a huge horrible fight that the details don't even matter. Just trust, it was dark as hell."
Alex: "And you told me none of this because?"
Joss, verbatim: "I didn't wanna be a drag."
Her shrug is very eloquent, it's beautiful: I didn't want to be a drag, so I was a total drag.
Alex: "You were there for me the entire time with Sally. I am allowed the same respect."
Joss: "Wow, you're totally right. Thank you so much for that."
Alex: "I will get you an aspirin. This is what the world can actually be like if you let it."
THE CEMETERY
April: "Dear Paul's Gravestone, thanks for knocking me up with Lucy. And for what I thought was a joyful marriage. Because what I am learning is that gratitude is always bigger than the bad stuff. Consider yourself let go of, courtesy of the very wise Josslyn Carver."
She puts her wedding ring on the stone, and as she's weeping her last goodbyes, Miranda Nickleby's hand creeps out of the corner of the frame and snatches it. Then skeletons appear and do a xylophone dance. Just kidding. This would be a lot more interesting or moving -- you know I love my April -- if it weren't for the fact that the whole thing is just an empty parade because Paul is clearly not dead and April is one more kind of chump. Or two, counting the drama queen move with the wedding ring. Give me a fucking break with that, Malloy.
AM
Joss's idea of a kid's lunch is some foie gras and a little baggie of cocaine and a nice Chablis and three kinds of appetizers and an entire bottle of gummy vitamins. Lucy's like, "Good job, Carver."
April, verbatim: "How ya doin', Champ?"
Joss: "That is awesome that you said that. Everything you say is so awesome."
April: "Thank you for your very good advice. You really are pretty wonderful. But if I could give you a little real talk in return, can I just say this Savi thing is killing you? Which is killing us all?"
Joss: "I just feel completely stupid. She's been my only person my entire life, and then what happens? She tells you the hot goss, she tells fuckin' Karen the hot goss. Joss? No goss. I am a burden to everyone."
April: "And now comes the part where you say you're imposing on me. Which you aren't. But uh, just hypothetically, what would you do if you got the fuck on out of here?"
Joss: "Alex's house, predictably enough."
April's yee face is exemplary.
Joss: "Oh, what."
April: "Um, that is totally weird and you should not do that."
Joss: "We hooked up one time! Now we're just besties."
April: "I am your friend, and you're already here. But on the other hand, do what you want."
Joss leaves, and we get another hit of that awesome motif where every time Joss leaves a room, the last jelly donut or the entire box of cookies or whatever it is has vanished. I love that, I'm so glad that is still happening. This show is pretty excellent at the things it's excellent at.
DAVIS
Savi: "Well, well, well. Not even gonna ask where you were."
Harry: "Oh me? Just getting fucked by Dominic. Just kidding, I was out for some air."
Savi: "Twelve hours of air? That's a lot of air, mister."
Harry: "Don't turn this back on me, Savi! My favorite thing to say."
Savi: "What part of I will do whatever it takes, as long as it doesn't involve telling the truth about anything, or inconvenience of any kind, and I can use it against you later do you not understand?"
Harry: "What do you even want?"
Savi: "As usual, I want to know where our marriage is. And as usual, you are erratic as fuck."
Harry: "It seems like you're irritated by the fact that I am working shit out on my schedule instead of yours? Like my narrative that is my actual life is less important than the narrative you've constructed where you are blameless?"
Savi: "What I'm hearing is that we both agree I'm blameless, but you're still doing this to hurt me. Is that accurate?"
APRIL/SAM
Richard: "I'm off on my business now, just calling to say goodbye."
April: "Okay. And I am in. Santa Barbara, telling the girls we're dating, the whole thing."
Richard "Great! I gotta go spend an inordinate amount of camera time having dropped my keys."
(Sam! Look it's SAM! Oh, honey. Sam is looking rough. Crazy psycho rough outside of Karen's house. Still, though.)
Lucy does some of her bizarre Lucy shit, and April sends her on her way. Not two seconds later -- like there's no way they didn't pass in the driveway -- there's a knock at the door. It is Paul! Paul is not dead! There is no walrus!
SO
April came up against the wall, and just as she was saying goodbye to Paul he turned up again, in non-ghost form. It's a good thing people don't go backwards, only forwards -- even if it's into a problem, it's never the same river twice. The good thing there is that no step or growth or challenge met is ever wasted, and if she hadn't gone to the cemetery last night, she wouldn't have what it takes to meet this one head on. The two things she hates most are choices and surprises, and now her entire world is just those things. That's exciting.
Joss came up against the wall of letting Alex be her unmanipulated, honest friend, which is a lot harder when half of the wall that usually keeps Joss upright -- Savannah, specifically the perfection of Savannah -- has completely crumbled. But without that contributing to her relationships with April and Alex, the healthiest people on the show, she wouldn't have the weapons she's gonna need to engage with the tofu of Olivier.
Karen even, she came up against the wall of an alternative to Sam in the form of Detective Newsome, and realized that she can't keep letting her food touch -- which is halfway to understanding that she can't let the men in her life substitute for one another. Her grief is her driving force because it's a grief she's not allowed to feel, which means there's a boyfriend-sized hole in her life that didn't exist three months ago, full of rage and filling up with fear. All of which she's going to need when Sam explodes -- and definitely going to need to save her practice, especially if she's turning Dr. Lerner into an Olivier of her own.
And Savannah, once again, came up against the easiest and the hardest wall because hers are the only questions literally without answers. She keeps spinning her wheels because the mess isn't one thing, it's everything: The nicer and kinder Dominic was, the more she hated it. The more she gets Harry to talk to her, the less she likes the things he has to say. But worst of all, her crisis has a tick-tock attached: First the paternity results, then the baby itself. Both of which will bring one or both halves of her life down around her for good. And there is nothing worse than waiting for a crisis you know is coming.
WEEK
Oh dang, I called it! Sam employs Dr. Lerner as his therapist, encroaching from a creeper new direction. Other than that, the previews and stuff just couch it as reactions to this episode -- which makes sense, we're exactly halfway through the season -- so like, Savannah has to deal with the various possibilities for her marriage depending on the baby's situation, April deals with Alive Paul and Vastly Superior Richard (and hopefully Miranda's ass will be in the mix), while Joss stupidly moves in with Alex. Well, maybe if Alex and Olivier both stay this awesome, Joss will be stuck between two people she likes who won't obey (or fight) her, and then deprived of all options she'll go insane. Which would be really neat to see happen.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Killing, Pretty Little Liars, Ray Donovan, Mistresses, and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, Twitter, and Facebook, as well as a regular column for Tor.com, Geek Love.