Episode Report Card Daniel: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hindu hullabaloo
By Daniel | Season 1 | Episode 11 | Aired on 12.14.2003
There's a knock on the door, and Nick Burns, company computer guy, comes in. And of course, being the computer guy, he is reticent with messy hair and glasses. Kate makes this exasperated gesture because she's with a client, and if she's so concerned about privacy maybe she should think about CLOSING HER DOOR, for crying out loud. Rashmi says it's okay, she was just leaving. As she's leaving, Kate asks her what kind of guys she likes, and the so-helpful Rashmi says nice, intelligent, "cute doesn't hurt," and she's into music. Kate actually WRITES THIS DOWN, like she needs a reminder not to set Rashmi up with stupid mean ugly guys who hate music. Of course the vague criteria are meant to contrast with Rashmi suddenly getting very specific and saying that the dude doesn't have to be Indian, but he has to be into Vedic astrology. She gives Kate her birthdate and says she'll get an astrologer's phone number for her. She leaves, passing Nick Burns, company computer guy, who's approximately four feet taller than she is. Kate offers him her murdered-living-creature sandwich, but he shakes his head.
In the break room, Jillian's apologizing to Kate, saying she's sure she ordered avocado, but promises to reimburse her. Kate says she's not going to take Jillian's money, but Jillian makes the classy move of saying her family has lots of money. "First of the month I get the envelope," she says. Kate wonders then if she's interested in a career in the law. "God no," says Jillian. "I'm temping for a husband." Kate seems a little surprised, and comes up with "that's honest," and Jillian says it's best to just get the word out there. She makes some small talk with Kate, mainly to find out if Kate's stepping out with any of the office talent (even as Jillian laments that there are only two prospects at Fox & Associates). Jillian babbles on about whether Kate dates other lawyers, and Kate says she tries to keep her personal and professional lives separate (along with rueful little smile). That's great, because Jillian's going after somebody. She starts going on about Jerrold, saying she doesn't normally go after older men, but Jerrold is sexy in that "distinguished gentleman" kind of way. "He's my dad," says Kate. "Line crossed!" says Jillian. Then she considers the bright side: Kate must have saved a fortune in interview outfits. She flounces out. Kate looks rather unimpressed. But Jillian's still better than Claire.
We're at the astrologer's office, and for some reason Kate has dragged Victoria along. I mean, not that I don't enjoy the presence of Lake Bell, but if she's just going to drag out this silly astrology stuff, I'm not interested. The astrologer is explaining that Vedic astrology uses the zodiac to figure out compatibility -- psychologically, emotionally, sexually. "All from a simple birthdate," he says, so Victoria fires off hers: August 12, 1978. "You promised you were just going to listen!" chides Kate, who tells the astrologer that Victoria is an "astrology junkie," which is certainly news to anyone who has watched every episode of this show and has never once seen Victoria mention astrology, not even as Kate is MATCHING PEOPLE UP, and Victoria seems chastened, at least until the astrologer asks her to name a potential love match. Kate at first protests that they're here to discuss her client, but since Victoria can't come up with anyone, Kate gives in and suggests Nick Payne, whose birthday is June 8, 1974, which gave me a bit of a start, because he has the same birthday is the first girl I had a crush on back in Grade 7. Anyway, Victoria seems kind of annoyed that Kate suggested Nick, like maybe Victoria would have preferred to give the astrologer Bad Santa's birthday, but since she didn't even know Bad Santa's real name, I'm going to guess she doesn't know his birthday. It doesn't matter, because the astrologer types her birthday into the Plot Contriv-U-Tron 3000, and says, "Wow." Victoria's amazed she got a wow. The astrologer explains that she and Nick both have moons passing through their constellations or whatever, but the main thing is she and Nick have "amazing" sexual compatibility. "Does it say anything about positions?" says Victoria, and maybe there's a hose nearby that somebody could turn on her. Kate interrupts this to give the astrologer a list of men and their birthdates, and he promises to email with the results. And since we've got an episode to fill, he asks Kate for her birthday. She gives it. And the birthday of the man in her life? Kate protests that she's not really seeing anyone, but the astrologer doesn't buy it, and Victoria prods her to give Michael's birthday, but she refuses, rudely saying that she doesn't believe in this stuff. "You are susceptible to a confused heart," says the astrologer. "I see one door opening with one man, and a second with another." "Oh, come on," says Kate. "You will see," says the mystic Indian.
At the Only Bar, Michael says he showed up at the hotel and Kate's completely "MIA" and he called all over the place for her, including the hospital, and he wants to know what happened. "I called the hotel, and Lauren answered," says Kate. "What?" says Michael, which only sets Kate off. "What the hell was she doing there?" Michael says that he ran into Lauren when he was checking into the hotel. So, it was all a big COINCIDENCE? yells Kate, and Michael says he didn't tell Lauren they were going to be there, so unless Kate did, yeah, it was all a big coincidence. So Kate says, and you just happened to bump into her in your ROOM? Michael says she stopped by his room and they had one drink while he was waiting for Kate, and Lauren must have answered the phone when he went for ice. "But why would you even let her in your room?" says Kate, and Michael lamely says that he was flustered, and that he felt caught since they'd been lying to her all this time. Nice try. And while all of the above have been theorized as possible excuses for Michael's behaviour, Kate asks the one question that nobody had been able to figure out: "But I was due to arrive any minute. What were you going to do when I showed up? None of this makes any sense!" Michael's explanation is…he can't explain it. Yeah. Thanks, writers. Good work. So, like any guy caught acting like a jackass, he goes on the offensive and asks where the hell she gets off not returning his phone calls. Kate's look says, "Oh no you di'in't." "I was angry. I still am," she says, and adds that if Michael weren't sending Lauren mixed signals, she wouldn't be showing up all over the place. Michael denies sending mixed signals, says Kate is "being silly" (sure to convince her he's right), and says she's reading more into this than there is. So the anger escalates, with Kate indignant that Michael's accused her of overreacting, and Kate angry that Michael won't say anything to make her feel better; he just lets himself be manipulated by Lauren, and then she calls him stupid, which he kinda has turned out to be. So Michael's all "forget it," and Kate is shocked that maybe Michael doesn't want to be in a relationship where he tries to hide their relationship from the very woman Kate wants him to hide it from -- and then she calls him "stupid" for doing it. Yeah. But Michael wants to take a break, because if it's this hard before things have even begun, what's the point? Kate's crestfallen. Seriously. Her crest just fell.