Fade up on Marin, in the Presidential Suite, listening to Jack's message for what has got to be the millionth time. As she saves it, she smiles wistfully to herself, wishing Lynn had a car with brakes she could cut.
Radio station. Patrick exposits that it's the winter solstice, the longest night of the year, which means it's time for the annual Stars Hollow...I mean "Elmo" Festival Of Lights. We pan over shots of fairy lights getting strung up; Theresa and Ben sharing intimate (non-dirty) body language at the Chieftain; Jack, waking up on his couch (I assume he's just set his head down, because his moussery is utterly intact); and Annie, reading one of Marin's books and drinking out of a Patrick mug, which she then empties sadly into her sink. By the way, I'm choosing to believe that this isn't a custom item she'd received as a gift, but what passes as a souvenir in a town of fourteen citizens, like she's going to go into her cupboard and pull out a Jerome mug instead.
New York. Sam is getting ready to leave Jane's. He gruffly tells her he doesn't know why they can't try the long-distance thing, but Jane tries to put on a brave face as she says she can't truck with those kinds of shenanigans at her age. Which is...thirty-one? Shut up, Jane. Sam gives her a sad goodbye kiss and heads off to catch his plane. That's a long-ass trip. Pack some Combos.
Jack's House Of Awkward. As he reads the paper and tries to pretend she isn't there, Lynn tells Jack she'd forgotten how good the water is in Elmo, and that it can even make decaf taste good. Jack asks since when she drinks decaf, and she pats her belly, and he's like, "...So you don't need $300 and a ride to the clinic. Great." Lynn gets up to clear the table; Jack chivalrously tries to stop her, in light of [belly pat], but she tells him she's fine. She warmly says she doesn't mind talking about her oven bun -- she says she figures she owes him that much -- but Jack coolly says it's none of his business. Lynn quickly covers her stung expression and says she'll pay him back by bussing the dishes. Jack politely doesn't say he'd rather accept payment in the form of her ass leaving town.
Marin calls Jane to complain that Lynn is still hanging around, and that Marin and Jack haven't spoken since the hospital. Jane makes her usual reassuring noises, adding the news that she ditched Sam. Marin is dismayed that Jane thinks she and Sam were only a fling, but she goes from 0 to Marin in under five seconds, pouting that maybe she and Jack were only a fling too. She adds that she's in the dark -- literally, even though it's 9 AM. So how it is that Jane's at home working out (in a LuluLemon top I totally also have) in daylight is, as usual, beyond me. Anyway, Jane promises Marin that she's a "home run," and that anyone would be lucky to have her, and oh, by the way, Jane's updating Marin's press kit and needs a new photo of her, looking relaxed and "Alaska-y." Marin exposits that she's a fussy photo subject (surprise), and then the subject turns to whether Marin has, as she'd promised she would, chosen a publisher. Marin sighs that she's enjoying "the woo," which includes ridiculous gift baskets of treats and delights. Jane asks whether she's received anything from Stuart Maxson yet, and Marin sighs that she hasn't. Jane reminds us again that he's the hottest publisher in New York, which I guess means he doesn't have to try to chase Marin to win her ass over.
Multipurpose Hall. Patrick's broadcasting when Marin shows up, just in time to learn about a tradition of lighting paper boats to mark the end of winter solstice. Marin says that sounds pretty, and then, picking up a t-shirt, asks whether Patrick's been sleeping there. Indeed, the place looks littered with his crap, and Patrick himself looks unshowered and grubby, and says he doesn't feel well. She tells him to go home, but Patrick says he can't go back to the Inn because everything there reminds him of Annie. Marin, alleged relationship coach, brilliantly asks whether Patrick and Annie can't just work things out, and Patrick sums up their issue by saying that he loves his mom, and Annie can't handle it. Marin puts her cans on and, staring meaningfully at Patrick (barely holding his shit together), asks how you get through your darkest day. Amazing Race headlamp?
Chieftain. Marin arrives, bearing gift basket. The locals wander over and start rooting through the booty, Theresa snagging a couple of tins of smoked oysters, which are apparently boner fuel for Ben. Having buttered everyone up (probably with various buttered items from the basket), Marin then asks where she'd go to get her photo taken. Jerome says he can do it: as a postal employee, he's taken everyone's passport photos. Ben suggests Lynn, which idea Jerome dismisses on the basis that Marin isn't a panda. Certainly not: pandas are rare, while New York neurotics are plentiful both in captivity and in the wild. Ben allows that Lynn is a nature photographer: "But she's really good." He says she's even been published in National Geographic. Marin grins and tells Jerome he's got the gig. Damn, I was hoping we might get to see Marin with a plate in her lip.
Patrick enters, and Celia excitedly offers him the Turtles she got from Marin's gift basket. He tells her he's sick, but she waves off his heartache, saying that relationships are more trouble than they're worth -- she hasn't had one in the better part of three decades, she says -- ordering him to come home with her for some more of her usual oppressive coddling.
Photo shoot time! Jerome's set Marin up in front of a lavender backdrop. Marin, blinking violently at each flash, complains that she was hoping for something that said "Alaska," and Jerome shrugs that it will say Alaska on her passport. Marin explains that the shot is for publicity, and Jerome says he'll have to charge her more than $4, in that case. Marin says that's fine, and Jerome sets himself back to his task, waving at her with a puppet, and finally putting a baseball cap on her that's festooned with a giant pair of antlers. He's grousing at her to smile...
...when Jack enters behind Jerome. "Jack," breathes Marin, beaming at him, and Jerome cheers that that's more like it. Marin doffs her cap and books it out of there.
Outside, Marin is in, like, hyper-flirt mode, standing super-close to Jack and purring as she asks what's going on. "She's packing up her things," Jack announces, and Marin practically melts with relief. She has exactly enough grace to ask how Lynn is before telling him she finally got to listen to his message. Jack: "Yeah?" Marin: "YEAH." There's a beat as they grin at each other, and then, the hot hot kissing. I hate it when I succumb to this show's obvious manipulations, but these two seriously have more chemistry than Dow.
After the credits, Jack and Marin are still kissing in front of the gorgeous scenery. He breaks it off to tell Marin he just needs another day. Marin passive-aggresses that that's what he said four days ago (but she's still smiling all sexy to make sure she doesn't actually express her needs or resentments like grownups do), but Jack says one more day will really do it. Marin asks him to pinkie-swear, and when he does, she moans that even his pinkie is hot. Which...it is. I'm not made of wood, people.
Patrick's childhood bedroom is decorated with the typical dorky teenage stuff -- including a photo of Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman, which I don't think quite works, given that he's supposed to be in his mid-twenties and I saw that movie in high school, but anyway, he's sitting up in bed, slurping some soup, when Celia enters with a model ship Patrick never finished building; she wanted to give him something to do while she was at work. Patrick tells her that, unlike Celia herself, he's not really that interested in models, but she ignores him, forcing her interests on him. At least this dorkery doesn't have a costume associated with it. She exposits that her supervisor, Dick Ellis, is evaluating her today -- third time in six months -- and bustles out.
Jack's. Theresa's helping Lynn pack up, Lynn commenting on how much stuff she has. Theresa wisely intones that you sometimes don't know how much of a life you have with someone until you're packing it up. Lynn takes her cue to ask if that's how it was when Theresa moved out of Ben's, and Theresa says she guesses Ben just had to get rid of her to realize he missed her, and that they're doing great now. Lynn says it's the opposite with her and Jack: as soon as she was gone, Jack realized how big a pain in his ass she was. Theresa asks what Lynn's plan is, and Lynn shrugs that she'll go back to Vancouver and give her baby the kind of life Lynn herself never had, which -- great, a troubled childhood of neglect that screwed someone up too much to be in relationships. I've never seen that on TV before! Theresa asks whether the baby's father's in Vancouver, and Lynn says that he's a Brazilian she met in Peru; they got wasted, and she woke up pregnant. She fishes, asking whether Theresa thinks she's crazy to try to raise a baby alone, without a dude or any family to help her. "We're your family," says Theresa kindly. Lynn puts on her hard candy shell, cracking that "Aunt Theresa" can serve the baby his or her first beer. What a generous reply to what was probably a genuine offer of support. I'm really forgetting, the second time through, what I ever liked about this character.
Inn. Marin comes to the front desk, where she finds an absolutely enormous bottle of champagne from yet another publisher. Theresa enters, duly laughs at the size of this ridiculous thing, and then is followed by Lynn. Marin says that Lynn's early, and Lynn breezes that she's not there for Marin; she's moving in. Marin reacts to this with about as much equanimity as you'd expect, babbling for like ten minutes and trying to cover that she's fine with it. Lynn's like, "See you later, crackers." Marin looks like she's thinking of caving her head in with her champagne.
Instead, Marin tears into the champagne and calls Jane, updating her about Lynn. Jane is just now getting ready for work, apparently. Time. ZONES. Anyway, Jane is totally unfazed, saying that Jack is obviously into Marin. She also advises Marin to distract herself by picking a publisher. Marin confirms that the champagne is not from Stuart, and then returns to her theme about Jack, and the dark, and the fact that she's in it.
Jack's. Lynn's stripped to a tank top when Jack enters her darkroom. He's in a better mood than before, and both apologize to each other. Jack gets some stuff off a shelf to help her pack it -- nicely, not like he's bum-rushing her -- and she takes out a photo of herself and Jack as kids, holding huge fish they've just caught. Lynn sighs that the photo is so heartbreaking; he's smiling, but his eyes are so sad. Jack says the photo was taken right after his dad died, and Lynn remembers that she tried so hard to cheer him up. Jack recalls that that he was trying not to cry in front of Lynn. She says that he hated having his picture taken, and then there's some of the typical blah blah about pictures vs. real life, and then Lynn wraps her arm around Jack and they start making out. Not as soon as you would think, Jack breaks it off, saying that he thinks he and Marin might have something together. He takes off, leaving Lynn to think about how many ways she can make Marin look bad at their photo shoot.
Chieftain. Jack sits at the bar, pondering his shitty luck in life, when Ben appears to beer him. Jack tells Ben that he just kissed two women on the same day, at which Ben raises his eyebrows and pours Jack a shot. He talks about how he thought he and Lynn were done. Ben says he thought that about Theresa, but that you can't kill those kinds of feelings. He produces an analogy about cutting up a starfish or some shit. Jack, chuckling, asks if Ben learned that one at bartenders' school, and Ben admits that he got that one from Sara. Jack comments that Sara's leaving made a tough decision a lot easier for Ben, and Ben agrees that timing is everything. Jack drinks to that.
Ride-along. Ellis nails a target to a tree so he can see Celia practise shooting on it. There's some trash-talk about who did what at the police academy, and then Celia leans over, drawing her mark in the snow with the muzzle of her service weapon. As she bends down, Ellis appreciatively compliments her "caboose," and she's so surprised that she turns and shoots him in the thigh. Yeah, that's going to lose her a couple of points on her evaluation.
Later, Ellis writes up a report on the incident. Celia bitches that she only grazed him, and that he was intentionally trying to rattle her, but he says he was paying her a compliment; she doesn't get it, and he tells her he's had a crush on her since they were at the police academy. Celia gets mad at his nerve, and slaps him...which, of course, leads to angry making out. I mean, good for them and everything, but it's the least hot pairing of the episode so far.
Lynn has decided to be professional, and is shooting Marin at the beach. Marin, trying to keep it light, mentions Lynn moving back to Elmo, which seems sudden, and Lynn's like, "Yeah, look, I know about you and Jack." Marin, smiling tightly, asks how she knows, and Lynn says Jack told her. She mentions the ride to the hospital, when she'd asked if Jack and Marin were dating and Marin said no; she asks why. Marin shrugs that she figured Lynn was leaving town; it wasn't the right time to get into it. Lynn, apparently, is not about hiding things, and says she wants Marin to know: "We kissed." "You and Jack?" guesses Marin. No, she meant the two of you, "we." Shut up, Marin. Lynn says that it was before she knew about Jack and Marin. Dismayed, Marin asks, "What are you saying?" Lynn says she just wanted Marin to know. Uh-oh, we have a passive-aggress-off!
Chieftain. Annie's listening to a Marin book on tape on her iPod. Marin advises Annie to look around for a likely dude prospect, seeing only Jerome and Jerome-alikes. She takes out her earbuds and gives up, whereupon a cute younger dude appears and offers to buy her a drink. Annie's answer? "How do you feel about your mother?" The guy says his mother's dead. Annie's like, "You're hired."
Ellis and Celia enjoy the afterglow on the cot in the jail cell. They both had fun. But uh-oh, they're locked in! They start to go at it again, with her pressed up against the bars (really, it's more like a grate), which is just when Jack enters and is like, "MY EYES!" Celia and Ellis cover their shame, and Celia calls for him to release them.
Darkroom. Lynn contemplates prints of Marin hanging on string. Wouldn't it be easier for a nature photographer on the go to get a digital camera and photo printer? Live in the now, Ansella Adams.
Jack staggers out of his office, looking for an eyewash station, and runs into Marin. She's finally run out of patience for the Lynn situation. She confronts him about kissing Lynn, and about the "falling in love with you" message. He can only say he's confused, and that this sort of thing never happens to him. Marin tells her she'll un-confuse him, saying she's taking herself out of the equation, which is too bad for him, since she's smart, pretty, and can "stand on [her] own two feet," making her "a home run." She turns on her heel to do the Tina Turner out of there, and immediately slips in a patch of ice. Jack helps her up, and Marin slinks off with...well, at least half her dignity.
Chieftain. Theresa and Ben flirt in the kitchen (there's a love toll), and then Patrick shows up for a takeout order he called in. Jerome chaffs him for having let himself go (seriously, he looks like he should be starring in a Benadryl commercial, his skin looks so bad), saying it's no wonder Annie's "touting her wares." Patrick turns around to see Annie in a booth with her orphan and slinks out without his order. I don't know what he's got planned, but I hope it involves a Bioré strip.
Marin is working in the Presidential Suite when Lynn knocks at the door with a parcel that was downstairs for her, and her photo, which Lynn calls a peace offering. She explains that she isn't the type of girl to fight over a guy. "We won't be fighting," says Marin quietly. She slides the photo out of the envelope (and...how presumptuous is Lynn, that she picked the shot for her), and Lynn says it's her favourite: "You look so vulnerable." Marin squints, and Lynn adds, "In a good way. The camera loves you." Marin smiles wistfully. At least she got a nice photo out of this whole ordeal.
Celia, her hair all post-sex-tousled, brings Ellis home for a little late-afternoon delight, only to find Patrick at the dining-room table, assembling his model. Ellis comments that he had one like that when he was nine, asking Celia, "Is he challenged?" "It's not that hard," says Patrick smugly. Heh. Ellis asks whether Patrick still lives there and, learning that he doesn't, chuckles with relief, saying he thought Patrick might be one of those "mama's boys" he used to hang by his gotch from the flagpole back in high school. Celia and Patrick smile uncomfortably to have their relationship pegged so precisely, and then Celia gets rid of Ellis, denying him a goodnight kiss. Once he's gone, Patrick smirks that Ellis likes her. Celia: "Patrick! Like I have time to love anybody but you!" She beams as she says it, but this clear glimpse of his potentially stunted future evidently gives him indigestion.
Jack sits at home, studying the old photo of himself and Lynn and drinking.
Marin finally gets around to opening the parcel Lynn had brought up for her. It's a first edition of Walden from Stuart. She immediately calls him and tells him she wants to sign with him. I'm sure that's exactly the kind of 1 AM phone call Stuart was dying to get.
Festival Of Lights. People put their little lit-up boats on the water. And then Patrick sets his model ship on fire and sets it out to float. Celia comes fluttering over, and he tells her that he built it for her, and that he set it on fire for both of them. He doesn't want to be a mama's boy -- he wants to be a mama's man: "I think we should see other people." Heh. He sees Annie behind Celia's shoulder and excuses himself to go thank her for helping him to grow up, and making him a better person, and being his "first...everything." He adds, "I will always be grateful I had you in my life." He starts to move on, like a mama's man, but Annie grabs him and plants one on him. Aw.
Ellis brings Celia a cup of coffee and tells her he's putting her on probation, but don't worry, y'all! It's just so he can see her all the time. He tries to kiss him, but she puts him off, and Ellis is fine with keeping it secret so it's all hot and shit. Eh.
Jack finds Marin. She wearily tells him he doesn't have to explain anything to her, and fortunately, he's not planning to: he just says that everything with him and Lynn is complicated, and that he needs to see where it's going, but for the record, he meant everything he said in her message. Marin squints at him, saying that it doesn't count unless you say it in person. But Jack doesn't take the bait, and Marin huffs off.
Marin wanders through the festival, getting stopped by Patrick, who tells her he and Annie are back together. She says she's happy for him, but she can't help crying about Jack. Patrick very nicely hugs her, saying he wishes he could help her like she always helps him. "You just did," says Marin kindly. I guess that's true, in the sense that he really did nothing.
Closing voice-over! As Marin trudges off, she says we're all a little in the dark when it comes to love. Sometimes, we have to run away from it to see it more clearly (Ben and Theresa huddle together). Sometimes you have to come home to have it again (Sara gets off a bus and wheels her suitcase through town). Optimists know there's an endless supply of love to go around (Patrick and Annie huddle together). Others of us just hope we're not the only ones left without a seat "when the music stops" (Celia turns off the light in Patrick's childhood room). "Even when you get what you want, at best, love is a shot in the dark" (Lynn develops a print of Jack and Marin at the festival). "A chance to illuminate things about yourself you didn't know" (Jane gets a text from Sam: "You light up my life"), "like that you're not over them yet." Marin studies her own phone in the Presidential Suite; she deletes Jack's message. "Or that maybe you will be, after a very long, very dark night." Outside, the sun rises. You know, for something that was supposed to be such a long-ass night, a lot of that episode sure seemed to take place in daylight.