We open with a sweeping helicopter shot of the pristine Alaskan (actually British Columbia) vista, as Patrick blah-blahs an intro on the radio. Apparently, this is Marin's cue to tear ass out the front door of the Inn. It's called an alarm, Marin. If you can't be arsed to get a wake-up call (or the Inn doesn't provide that service), you could at least set the alarm on your cell phone. Just because you're from New York doesn't mean you can't exercise a little common courtesy, damn! Sara appears behind her to throw her a scarf, and as she's wrapping it around her neck, of course she sinks her patent platform pumps in a mud patch. Sad! But Zappos probably delivers to Alaska, right? Patrick's radio voice-over tells us that it's nearly time for the premiere of Marin's new radio show, First Things Frist. Ick.
So Marin -- apparently in too much of a hurry to drive the truck she just bought -- trots through town on her silly little heels, boobs a-bobbling in her silly little sweater. Patrick offers some local-colour updates: Buzz is flying two mail runs to Sitka, Theresa and Ben are bringing in a fresh keg for the Seahawks game: "And if anyone sees Jack..." Marin nearly gets hit with some flying wilted produce. "...Tell him the bear's in the dumpster again." In his truck, Jack pulls a U-ie. Marin flags down a passing pick-up truck, its bed full of dudes, to bum a ride to the radio station. Once in, however, her gratitude turns to horror as she sees she's sharing a lift with a whole bunch of big dead fish. Beggars can't be choosers, Late Beckinsale. Presumably to kill time, Patrick offers some Marin fun facts: she loves dark chocolate and sushi (not together, I'm guessing, but who's to say?), was raised in New York, and, in matters of love, believes one never knows which road will lead to one's husband. My guess is that Marin's may not be Cannery Row.
At the station, Marin is helped out of the truck bed by her knights in stinky armor, and is about to run pluckily to her appointment to arrive right on time when she gets her heel stuck between the slats of the the wooden pier and takes a spectacular digger, spilling the contents of her purse all over. The chivalrous fishermen (I loved their third album, Don't Carp At Me For Holding The Door For You) hurry over to help her, puzzling over her exotic cosmetic pencils and eyelash curler. Suddenly, Jack is among them, wallet-size photo of Graham in hand. Marin goes to recover her trapped shoe, but the heel, of course, is going nowhere, and breaks off stuck in the pier. Marin limps off half-shod.
Marin bursts into the booth, over it: "The dock ate my shoe." Patrick cheerfully says that the barnacles eat the dock: "It's the circle of life." Marin -- furtively realigning her skirt, which has worked itself around backwards -- says she hates to be late on her first day of work. She puts her headphones on over her hair (...I don't know) as Patrick introduces her, saying she just moved to Elmo.... "Just visiting," she quickly corrects him, "writing my book -- on men!" Patrick's like, whatever, and cues the first caller, who says he has her lip gloss. Heh. He offers to return it "on a date," but Marin says she's off the market. He asks if she's taken, and she tells first-time viewers about cheating Graham etc. "What a hoser," says the caller -- about Graham, probably, though Marin has kind of hosed the day away so far, from what we've seen.
After the show -- or, another day, since she's in a different coat than the one she wore to the station -- Marin walks smugly down the sidewalk, waving at all the strangers who apparently know her. Oh, and production designers? If we're supposed to think that Elmo is Hicksville, maybe one of the businesses she passes shouldn't be clearly labelled a yoga studio. Marin soon runs into Annie, who is still fucking there. Annie quavers that she came to town because she's Marin's biggest fan, but that now she's become a fan of Elmo, too. She adds that Patrick is her favourite of Elmo's many dudes, and that she thought she should stay in town for Marin's sake: "You seem like you could use some emotional support." Marin assures her that she's fine. Annie quotes Marin some Marin (it's...not important -- road, potholes), and Marin nicely tells her to shut up and moves along. Watching her go, Annie notices an apartment for rent above a bowling alley. Okay, first of all, a town with a bowling alley is a town that KICKS ASS. And second, an apartment above a bowling alley is going to be louder than an apartment over a karaoke bar. Though both of those options would be kind of fun.
Marin strolls around a corner, but is brought up short by the distinctive chirping of a big, fat raccoon. Oh no, Marin, run! He's got a taste for expensive shoes now, and you're probably his only option! Sure enough, the raccoon trails Marin along the sidewalk. Aw, Marin, you made a friend who's probably crawling with parasites!
Back in her room at the Inn, Marin tries to write, but is distracted by the cheerful nature sounds outside. She doesn't have iTunes on her laptop? Lame. Sara, in a blouse and an unfurnished basement, lets herself in through the open bathroom door to see how it's going. Marin complains that she can't write for the noise, and Sara apologizes: "My 11:30 likes to be spanked." Marin says she means the birds, but then is like, "Seriously? Spanked?" Sara chuckles that he's a high-school principal: "The irony, right?" She takes off, pulling the bathroom door closed behind her. Marin scuttles over to the good cell-phone spot, to said door, and dials Jane, who clips, "You've made a huge mistake and you're coming home." Marin lies that the writing's going fine, and asks how the wedding-cancelling's going. Jane says that's fine too, and that Marin was wise to make her Maid of Honour. Marin tells Jane about her stray raccoon friend, and Jane implores her to get a rabies shot, which is really excellent advice. Marin says that she's fine, and Jane lowers her voice to ask, "Are you?" Marin insists that she is, and that she wishes everyone would stop asking her that. As Jane gets into a fight over a cab, Marin yells at her to cancel the cake.
Marin goes downstairs to complain to Patrick about the bird (no, she seriously does, like he's going to go out there and move it to another branch), and he responds by offering her a gigantic fur hat with earflaps, explaining that the pelt is a natural sound buffer. He puts it on her and, off her disgusted look, whispers, "Hot." Hee. That hat is rad, though.
Later, Patrick bursts into Marin's room to tell her that Jack is downstairs with flowers for her. He seems way too excited about it, too.
Marin strides confidently down to the lobby; Jack compliments her on her hat, which of course she forgot she was wearing. He hands her the flowers, which she beamingly accepts, asking what the occasion is. He's already half out the door as he tells her he doesn't know. "So that's it?" she snaps. "You just buy me flowers and take off?" "Oh, they're not from me," Jack matter-of-factly explains. "They're not?" say Marin and Patrick, in stereophonic dismay. Jack says that he was delivering them; they came in on the same ferry with his new binoculars. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?" says Marin. "A little," Jack admits. Heh. I love it when Jack busts chops. He leaves, and Marin opens the paper bag around the bouquet, complaining that the flowers look dead. Patrick explains that Elmo is underserved by the florist community, given the paucity of those who traditionally are on the receiving end of a floral gift. Marin opens the card: "I MISS YOU XXX GRAHAM." Marin is sad.
Chieftain. Marin is ranting that Graham could think he would fix his fuck-up with flowers. In his defense, TV has taught him that such an approach would work. There's some business with Marin ordering a bottled water because she's prejudiced against tap water from outside New York (like I'm sure the tap water in ALASKA is dirtier than New York's), and then Jerome declares that Graham feels guilty. Buzz and some other random guy agree that flowers are, to men, a "get out of jail free" card. Theresa, from the kitchen, drawls via the pass-through, "Remember how many flowers you gave me?" "Enough to get you to marry me," Ben dudes, to save face in front of his boys. "Not enough to keep her married to you," murmurs Jerome. Snap! "Shut up Jerome," says Theresa sharply.
Ben tells Marin that the Seahawks game will take her mind off Graham. Marin asks what makes him think she isn't over Graham already. Ben: "You're smoking a straw, and you're clutching his card like it was the winning lottery ticket." She drops the card to prove her point, and Buzz grabs it. Jerome says that "XXX" is for moonshine, or porn, and Buzz opines that "Graham" is the name of "a girly cracker." What the hell makes a cracker "girly"? ...Actually, those Carr's water biscuits are a little effeminate. Marin taks the card back, saying she knows that he sucks for cheating, but that maybe he really is sorry. No one seems to agree, and Patrick reminds her that she wrote something likening cheaters to lemon cars, in that you can "shine them up," but they'll "still leave you high and dry on the side of the road." Jesus, Marin, could you write one line without falling back on some careworn construction or cliché? And Jane, I would not be so proud of being her editor if that's the sort of thing you let by with a "stet," damn. Ben says that Marin's not over Graham. She insists that she is, so Ben tells her to give him the card. She hesitates a long moment, which seems to convince Ben that he's right: "You're not over him." "Says the guy who's still living with his ex-wife," mutters Buzz. Offsides! Ben protests that he and Theresa live in separate parts of the house, and Buzz explains, "He means separate wings." Marin's like, "Jigga-what?" Jerome tells her that Ben's rich, and Patrick says that he invented moist towelettes, even though I'm pretty sure those are quite a bit older than Ben is. Marin gazes at Ben like Elaine did Jerry in that episode of Seinfeld where he buys his dad a Cadillac. Ben explains that he moved up from Seattle to get away from all the freeloaders in his life, whereupon he bought the bar and married Theresa. "Are you happy?" Marin asks. Ben pauses as he looks across the way at Theresa and her bra straps, and allows, "Most of the time." Ben reminds Marin that she put four thousand miles between herself and Graham: "It's not like he can walk in here and break your heart again." No, of course not. Because Jane and fucking Annie didn't find her at all. She might as well be on Mars!
Back on the radio some other day, Marin and her inadequately insulated lacy top asks the guys among her listeners, "How do you get over a relationship?" The first caller tells her, "I go out and get laid as soon as I can. Get the upper hand. Take the power back." Marin looks both disgusted and disappointed, like, just because this is TV doesn't mean that every guy in this dudeocracy has hidden wells of sensitivity and wisdom, lady. Some are just sitting out on their tugboats, turning their underwear inside out so they can go an extra day before washing them. Marin is dubious that you can forget about one person by sleeping with another, and says she's starting to move forward: "I threw my wedding dress off a cliff, for Pete's sake."
Later, Marin's back at the Inn when the sheriff's truck pulls up, sirens a-wailing. Marin troops downstairs and comes face to face with Chief Celia (Cynthia Stevenson), who holds out a sodden, dirt-encrusted snarl of tulle, asking, "Is this yours?" Marin says that it was her wedding dress, but that she threw it out. Celia agrees that she did: "In a national park. Landed on a baby caribou." Marin takes the debris with a groan of dismay. "Baby's okay," says Celia, but also smugly hands Marin a ticket: littering in the park is a federal offense. Marin can't believe that federal laws could apply to someone as sassy as herself, and as Celia leaves, she asks Patrick, "Who was that nasty woman?" "That's my mom," says Patrick proudly. "Oh!" says Marin, backpedalling, "She's pretty!" Heh.
Bowlapartment. Annie is taking her walk-through with Patrick, starting by pointing out a good spot for her puzzle table. Patrick duly looks, and Annie quickly explains, "I like doing jigsaw puzzles," like she's bracing herself for Patrick to make fun of her. Patrick. Of course, he likes puzzles, too. He is kind enough to lie that her ceramic cat collection sounds cool. She asks whether he thinks this is a good apartment, for Elmo, and he tells her that it's the only apartment in Elmo. Really? What, do all the dudes doing seasonal work live in their cars or something? Annie gets all neurotic, asking if Patrick thinks it's weird that she's moving there after only having spent a week, and whether it's evidence that she's a crazy stalker fan. I can field that one. (Yes.) Patrick likes "crazy and impulsive in a girl," and Annie shyly adds that Marin did set them up together. Patrick pants a little before he steps forward and asks Annie out for dinner the night, and she says yes before he's even gotten the whole sentence out. Ah, feeb love.
New York. Jane is in a bakery, cancelling Marin's wedding cake, when Marin herself calls to report about Graham's flowers. Jane orders her to say she's not waffling, and Marin weakly says she isn't, but asks, "Do you think he feels bad?" Jane guardedly says that he might, hypothetically, from which Marin intuits that Jane has seen him. Jane says that it shouldn't affect Marin's refusal to waffle to learn that Graham and Kiki broke up, adding, "He looked bloated." Well, I guess, if he's not running with her anymore. "You are moving on," says Jane firmly. "I am cancelling your wedding." "Yes, you are," Marin hesitantly agrees...just in time to turn around and espy her little friend again. "Gotta go," she tells Jane. "Gotta shake my raccoon." That is the filthiest non-filthy non-euphemism ever. Marin skitters down the Elmo sidewalk just as Jane, in New York, is informed by the unctuous bakery guy that it's too late for her to get her cake deposit back. Jane brightly asks the assembled ladies which one of them wants Marin's ex-cake. Shockingly, none of the brides-to-be is interested in pastry with such a sad history.
Another day in Elmo. Marin walks into an office and shrieks, "ANNIE?" Sure enough, Annie's sitting at a desk, and primly asks if Marin's there to see "Mr. Slattery." It also looks like at least part of her ceramic cat collection has arrived, since one is sitting on her monitor, as if the mail could arrive that quickly, or anyone in Annie's life in New York would bother to pack up her crap for her, but FINE. Marin doesn't know who Mr. Slattery is, so Annie informs her that it's Jack, her boss. She prattles about how much better this job is than her old one, as a receptionist in a law firm, "except for when they bring in the oil-slick birds." I would think she'd be used to oil-slick officemates after the law firm. Yes! These are the lawyer jokes. Marin chuckles that she's there to pay a ticket, and Annie directs her to Celia, on the other side of the office, but cautions Marin that she may not want to interrupt her when she's at her SAD machine: "She needs her artificial sunlight to keep from getting...really cranky." Marin turns around in horror to see Celia at her light box, hissing, "It's daylight outside." "Sometimes she double-doses," says Annie, in a tone that suggests she's been in the shit. Marin small-talks that Annie's already gotten a job in Elmo, and Annie tells her about the apartment as well, adding, "I am totally in like with Patrick!" Marin reminds Annie that she just introduced them, and that Annie can't just dive into it. Annie -- who had been all bubbles and cotton candy about everything one second ago -- is stricken at being warned off Patrick by her idol...and at least Marin catches herself at the end of her little declaration to admit that Annie shouldn't take advice from her anyway. She demands Annie's copy of her book, which is sitting open on the desk. "Second one," says Marin. Annie reluctantly sits down to produce another from a drawer. "Book on tape," says Marin. Oh no, she's not going to make Annie get her Marin tattoo removed , is she? Marin dumps everything in a nearby trash can. Annie tells Marin that it would help her with her anger if she...well, fucked Jack, basically. And I'm not saying it wouldn't help. He fine. Marin rebuffs the suggestion, and Annie tells her that Jack told Celia to reduce Marin's ticket because she was "going through something." Aw. A fiscal romantic.
At this moment, Jack emerges from his office with a casual greeting for the Coach. Marin flaps that she doesn't need Jack's help, and because he's joining this conversation midstream, he's like, "Uh, okay, Nutsy." "I'm not 'going through' anything," Marin elaborates. Jack, by way of contradiction, says he heard her on the radio. Marin clips, "For your information, I'm not planning on having meaningless sex." Jack, pleasantly: "That's good to know." Marin backtracks that, if she were, she's sure she could find some takers. Maybe not the one who's already beennaked with you, perhaps, but -- sure. Then my recording gets kind of jacked up, and Marin learns that her ticket is for $1700. Marin chokes that, in that case, she might be going through "five hundred dollars' worth of 'something.'" Jack laughs at the dizzy broad. And, I mean...shut up, Marin.
Later, Marin primps, getting ready to go out to watch the big game. She plugs in a blow dryer...and shorts out the town. No yoga tonight, Elmo!
At the Chieftain, the bar's been lit up with candles, which Marin tries to spin as "romantic." The dude to her at the bar does look better by candlelight than he would under fluorescents, probably. Anyway, he scowls at her before taking off. Buzz, Jerome, and Ben are all gathered at the other end of the bar, freezing her out. Marin compliments her own hair, and when Jerome complains that they won't be watching the game in an hour because of her, she shoots back that, where she comes from, blow dryers don't knock out a whole town's electricity. Well, are you THERE NOW? I think most of Elmo's residents WISH THAT YOU WERE. There's a "thunk," and then an "ow!" Ben: "No darts in the dark!" Hee. Suddenly, Marin's face is harshly illuminated with a flashlight; it's Chief Celia, who's tracked her down and looks like she's snacking on the bad news she's about to deliver. Marin thinks she's going to get nailed for "drinking and drying," but nay: it's failure to recycle Annie's copies of her books. She adds that she's extra-testy because Marin blew out her SAD machine, and she's two hours under her quota. "Only two?" calls Jerome. Heh.
Chief Celia leaves, Ben sets Marin up with a straw and a bottle of water, and then an unusually (for Elmo) clean-cut guy asks if the seat to her is taken. Marin dubs that the nicest thing anyone's said to her all night. The dude sits, saying she's the talk of the men's room. They introduce themselves; he's Ian (Ed Kerr). Noting her straw-chewing, he asks, "Quitting?" "Trying." "Spare a smoke?" She offers him the glass full of straws, guessing that he's not from "around here." Ian says he was, originally, but now lives in the big city: "Anchorage." He's in town visiting family. Ben gives Ian a drink, and Ian offers to buy Marin one, before the lights come back on and she realizes he's only half as handsome as she thinks he is. Even if that turns out to be true, he's still miles ahead of most of the talent in the Chieftain tonight. Marin coltishly accepts.
Ben enters the darkened kitchen to find Theresa chatting warmly with some random. She awkwardly dismisses him (I think I may hear the name "Gary"), and Ben tells her she doesn't have to pretend not to flirt with other guys. Theresa asks if Ben's okay with it, and he's all, "I said I was, didn't I?" in that way that lets you know he's really, really not. Theresa says that living together and dating other people feels weird, and Ben reminds her, "I'm not dating other people." Yeah, she needs to move out. Maybe she can sleep on Annie's puzzle table for a while.
Speaking of Annie, she opens her apartment door to Patrick, who's picking her up for dinner. And, seriously, we've establishd that she's been there a week and only took the place yesterday, but she's already got furniture in there? Come on, show. Anyway, she starts to put Marin's advice into action, gently blowing him off. Patrick starts to leave, but then stops and asks her if he did something wrong since...yesterday. Annie flusters that they're moving too fast and may have already "screwed this up." Look, you're a couple of huge dorks in a town full of macho men. Cling to each other and don't let go. Patrick figures out that this is coming from stupid Marin, even though she set them up. Annie is regretful as she tells him, basically, "I think she's high, but you need to leave anyway." Patrick shambles off.
Chieftain. Buzz offers the crowd updates on the Seahawks game via tiny transistor radio. Marin tries to bright-side that they can still hear the game, and Jerome is like, "Stow it, Blondie." Ian says that he doesn't care about the game. They make goo-goo eyes at each other over their shared indifference to football...
...and then they're making out by oil-lamplight in a cozy bedroom. What was that about the meaningless sex you weren't going to have, Marin? Of course, she immediately starts overthinking it, ping-ponging between how this isn't like her, but she's taking her power back, but she's being slutty. Ian, taking her blouse off, assures her that she's a regular Madeleine Albright of sexual integrity. Though she's obviously enjoying herself, Marin announces that she can't do this: "I thought I could. You're lovely." "What guy doesn't want to hear that?" chuckles Ian blue-ballsily. Marin says she feels pathetic. Ian tries to breathe through the pain in his junk. Marin's like, "This is where I leave, right?" Ian points out that she can't walk back with all the lights out. Marin's like, "Oh, right." Ian tells her to sleep there, and she's like, "Thanks. Sorry I got awkward all over your hook-up." She falls back drunkenly onto the pillow, leaving Ian to...take care of business on his own, I guess.
Morning. Marin sleeps in her bra; Ian's asleep to her in a chaste t-shirt-and-boxers ensemble. Suddenly, the door bursts open. "Hey, are you ready--" says...of course, Jack. He stops when he sees her; she bolts upright in shock. They stare at each other in disbelief for a moment. "Hey, bro," says Ian. Oh, of course. Quick, someone get Ian out of that bed before Mr. Roper figures out he's not a fairy!
After the commercials, Marin comes running out to the living room in a flannel shirt, protesting to Jack that she didn't know Ian was Jack's brother. Jack, fiddling with a tackle box, says it's not his business. Marin explains that she and Ian didn't Do It, but Jack tells her, "Seriously. I don't know you. You don't have to explain anything." Marin looks deflated for a second, but then Ian comes in, all, "Great day for fishing," and Marin sort of casually scolds him that he could have said that the "family" he was visiting was Jack. Ian says he didn't know Marin knew Jack (even though it's a town with a population of, like, twelve), besides which, they were drunk. Marin manically assures Jack, "We were not that drunk!" Ian unconcernedly peels off his shirt in the middle of the kitchen, telling Marin -- who modestly looks away -- that he's going back to Anchorage right after the fishing trip, so he hopes he can see her again sometime. Jack's like, "I'll leave you two alone," and Marin shrieks, "YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LEAVE US ALONE!" Ian casually asks if Jack and Marin had "a thing," which they both instantly deny. Marin complains that this is the problem with small towns -- the raccoon thing, the blow dryer thing, and that "everyone is friggin' related." "Then just...leave," Jack suggests. Ouch. But: seriously. Marin stands there, stung, for a moment, until Jack informs her, "You're wearing my shirt," on his way by.
Ben's palatial estate. We see the torso of a trim male who's bent over, rooting around in the wood-panelled fridge (jealous, over here), when he suddenly feels himself being watched and spots Ben, in his robe, smirking uncomfortably. It's Gary (or whoever), the guy we saw in the Chieftain kitchen before, cowering away from Ben and crossing his arms over his naked chest as he says that Theresa told him Ben would be at work. He makes to leave, but Ben offers to make him breakfast. Now that's a pushover.
Jack drives to the ol' fishin' hole with Ian, who says he guesses Jack's pissed because he brought a girl back to Jack's place. Jack says he's not pissed, and that Marin's "not just any girl": "I know her." Ian surmises that Jack's pissed because he brought that girl back. Jack silently shifts. Ian tells Jack he should bring a girl home: "Help you to get over things." Jack asks if Ian's going to "use Dad's reel." I guess that means they're okay? Oh, guy talk.
On the street, all the dudes still know Marin, but now they're glaring at her.
Marin walks (of shame) around a corner and turns to see her raccoon friend, but even he turns tail (literally) and shuns her.
Marin walks into the Inn, complaining about how fast the town turned on her. Patrick holds out a tin of muffins, explaining that he made them in the fireplace because the power's still out, and the solar panels don't have enough juice to run more than the answering machine and the bug zapper. Now, the light was clearly on in the fridge at Ben's, but he's loaded; maybe he has a generator. But it seems like if he did, he might have closed down the bar and invited his actual friends over to his house to watch the game? Maybe I'm not appreciating his gesture of solidarity with his fellow-citizens, and his recognition of the Chieftain's place at the center of town life, in keeping the place open. And maybe he TiVoed the game anyway. ANYWAY, Patrick adds that he's "really upset," so Marin will have to serve herself breakfast. She asks what's wrong, and he tells her that Annie won't see him anymore because of Marin. She protests that she didn't mean for Annie to break up with him, and Patrick plaintively replies, "Well, she did! You have no idea the power you have, do you? If you told her to jump off a bridge, she would! If there was a bridge in Elmo!" There's a ferry, but no bridge? Marin yelps that no one should be listening to her. "Great idea," Patrick agrees, "two books and The View ago!" Hee. Marin says that she'll talk to Annie. Patrick implies that Marin will just tell Annie to sleep with random guys she picks up in bars "because there's no such thing as love." Marin, incensed, says that she didn't sleep with Ian. And, hey, was Patrick even there last night? Geez, these guys must gossip worse than chicks. Patrick sighs that just because Marin's given up on love doesn't mean she should take hope away from everyone else. Marin promises that she wants to believe, and wants Patrick to give Annie "a whole field of flowers." She wants to believe that what she wrote is true; she just doesn't think it's true for her anymore. Patrick says he feels like he doesn't even know Marin anymore, even though they met a week ago. "You're gonna go back to New York, aren't you," Patrick chokes. Marin says that even if she did go back, they could still be friends. Patrick seems placated by that, and just then we learn why it was important that the solar panels run the answering machine: so we can hear Graham leaving a message for Marin, saying he really needs to talk to her -- he made a mistake, and he loves her.
Okay, so, a week ago, Marin was falling through the ice on a frozen lake, but today, Ben dines on his patio in his robe and pyjamas, accompanied by Gary, nude but for boxers. Sure, why not. Maybe there are heat lamps out there that we just can't see. Ben's apparently just finished eating when he asks Gary whether he likes to read the paper in the morning. Gary -- looking like he's wondering when Ben's going to sucker-punch him -- says he guesses so.
Ben heads out to the driveway to grab the paper...and break off one of Gary's rearview mirrors with a nearby axe. Nice!
Ben returns to the deck, setting paper and mirror in front of Gary and heading back inside. Game, set, and match to Ben.
At the Inn, Marin -- still in last night's outfit, by the way -- mopes at the breakfast table. Sara rolls in, celebrating the fact that people are talking more about Marin than they are about Sara herself, which...you know, Sara keeps making reference to the Elmoral Majority getting all up on its high horse about her freelance hospitality services, but if there are ten times as many dudes in town as ladies, and half of them are availing themselves of her services anyway, who is doing all the judging? Okay: Chief Celia. I guess she could generate enough disapproval on her own to approximate that of an entire town. Marin insists that she didn't sleep with Ian, but Sara says she doesn't judge. She says she had a crush on Ian growing up but adds, off Marin's look, that she didn't sleep with him either. Marin changes the subject back to herself, saying that Graham called. Sara, not particularly seeming to care, asks what Marin's going to do, and Marin says she doesn't know, Carrie Bradshawing, "I was supposed to sleep with Ian to get my power back. Instead, I made the power go out. I'm powerless!" Sara says that at least her hair looks good. Marin barrels on: her dress came back, her books came back, so how is she supposed to get over Graham when "the universe" is keeping her mired in the past like this? Sara says she has something that might help.
Cue the sweat lodge. Marin cracks that she's supposed to "sweat Graham out" in a primitive sauna that smells like old meat. Sara's like, "Thanks for respecting my traditions, Whitey Ford." Enter an old guy -- and sure enough, it's Marin's cigarette chauffeur. She recognizes him and introduces herself, but he spits, "I know who you are! You made the power go out!" Bet the Frozen Girl never did anything so ignorant. He tells her not to touch the ladle, and she whines that he's supposed to be "all loving and New Age-y." "Not when I can't use my air popper," her new friend replies. "It was Movie Night on the reservation." He hands her the piece of wood in his hand, and she asks if she's supposed to beat herself senseless with it. Sara explains that it's the talking stick, and that she can speak when she's holding it, as if NOT holding it was stopping Marin from talking before. Or ever. She relishes the opportunity to loose her tongue (surprise), complaining that the whole town's breaking up with her, including the raccoon, so maybe she should just break up with Elmo first. Drives For Butts takes the talking stick back, tartly replying, "Feel free." Marin gasps at his effrontery, but before they can scrap it up, Sara asks if Marin's thinking of going back to Graham because it's easy. Marin says she doesn't know what she wants, and then self-pities that she can't believe she didn't know he was cheating. Sara's like, "Men cheat all the time. They're cheating with me, yo." Marin squeaks that it was her job to see the signs -- "to help people drive to happiness." "Maybe he was in your blind spot," offers Sara. "Maybe I just wanted to be in love," Marin murmurs. Um, car analogy? No? Don't drop it NOW, when it's worked out so well for you! Marin asks DFB if he has any bottled water, and he meanly tells her to go back to the big city. Marin complains about "the men in this town," like Jack, and Sara starts laughing. Marin's like, "What?" Sara says that the sweat's working: "You're already talking about another guy." DFB hands them each a little bundle, which Sara explains is tobacco. Marin coos as she breathes it in, but Sara says that they're supposed to burn it on the rocks, which Marin does only after getting scolded by DFB. Throwing back the tent's entry...uh, flap, Marin sees that Chief Celia is towing away her truck: "Parked in a red zone." Which apparently is just a swipe of red paint on a tree. Marin runs after her, yelling that her clothes are in the front seat, and Chief Celia threatens her with a ticket indecent exposure.
Chieftain. Marin's dressed now, but the power's still out, and everyone still hates her. She decides the best way to address the situation is to offer a monologue to the bar at large, saying she's over the town: she just chased her truck "halfway to Juno" (for which Chief Celia apparently has no remorse), she's sorry about the power, she's sorry about Ian, and she just wants a bottle of water, after which she'll leave and they can all get back to talking about "what a big floozy" she is. Jack walks up, saying her name a few times like he's trying to calm down a skittish horse, but she won't be silenced, declaring that even if she had slept with Ian, no one could judge her, "since apparently sleeping someone out of your lives is something you men have been doing for centuries." Jack's like, "MARIN," and nods his head behind her, where Graham is standing. Looking really short amid all these burly dudes.
After the break, Graham and Marin are still airing out their business in the middle of the bar, with everyone looking on and taking notes for their blog posts later. Graham blahs that getting to Elmo took him three planes, a boat, and a trip in a puddle-jumper with "some crazy guy named 'Buzz.'" "Beats 'Graham,'" mutters Buzz from the bar, and Graham prisses back that they're trying to have a private conversation. Yeah, not trying all that hard, really. Graham romcoms that Marin's the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he knows he can't ask her to forgive him: "But I guess that's what I'm asking." Pfft. Hugh Grant wouldn't even try that line -- and he could actually sell it, maybe! Marin, though she looks at Graham warmly, doesn't answer, and behind her, we hear a loud sob: it's Chief Celia, who says that the scene is touching, and she's also really depressed. Graham looks pleadingly at Marin, asking if she can forgive him; she says that maybe she could, but then she'd never be able to forgive herself. She says that part of her knew all along that she wasn't everything she could be when she was with him, and that she needs to figure out what her gut is trying to tell her. Graham asks if this is "because of that other guy," and Marin gets to say for the hundredth time that she didn't sleep with Ian. Graham says he knows that she could never do something so self-destructive and impulsive: "You're the stable to my crazy." Marin's stable? Marin's a three-legged table. On a faultline. In a tornado. Buzz basically makes the same joke, so GOOD ONE, BUZZ. "What if I wanted to be the crazy one for once?" asks Marin. Well, sure. But only one of you gets to be crazy at a time. Graham's like, "As if." Marin seems really insulted that Graham thinks she isn't capable of craziness -- like, for instance, doing something as crazy as staying in Elmo. Graham scoffs, "You're telling me there's something worth staying for in this nowhere town?" The entire clientele of the Chieftain rumbles indignantly. Seriously, Suspenders -- know when you're outnumbered. Graham tells Marin he loves her, and he knows she loves him too much to sleep with someone else: "Come home and marry me." Marin appraises Graham. Everyone else waits for Marin's response. But before she can reply, Jack stands up and says, "I slept with her." Marin turns around, saucer-eyed. "I slept with her," says Ben. So did Buzz, and Jerome ("three times!"), and she apparently also fooled around a little with Chief Celia. Several non-speaking extras stand as well, as Graham looks stricken. Marin swallows and, her voice breaking just a little, says, "Yeah. I'm gonna stay." At that, the lights come back on -- because Marin got her power back, GET IT?! There's a murmur of celebration. Jack smiles encouragingly.
Patrick takes Annie for a picnic in a field of flowers, JUST LIKE MARIN TOLD HIM TO.
Marin sees Graham off at the dock. He tells her he's going to be waiting for her; she says she doesn't advise it. He fusses with her collar, tells her not to get cold, and kisses her on the cheek. She looks perfectly content as she wanders off. Though her hair is kind of frizzy.
At her apartment, Jane's doorman gives her a wedding cake in a gigantic box. "You're getting married?" he asks fondly. "I'm not the wedding type," she tells him. "I didn't think so!" he says cheerfully. Ha! A moment later, she's extracted the cake from its giant box; it's too big to put down the garbage chute, so she awkwardly sets it on a ledge, emerging from her apartment one last time to steal the top layer.
Chieftain. Marin enters, saying, "That was a nice thing you guys did. Thanks." "We take care of our own," murmurs Jerome. "That's right," Ben agrees. Marin makes them admit that they're starting to like her a little. "Otherwise, you'd be on that plane with your cracker," Jerome agrees. Marin asks Ben for "a nice big glass of tap." Just like the little people drink? Marin, the very idea! She clinks glasses with Jerome.
Outside, some time later, Jack walks along the train tracks; Marin catches up to thank him, and he says it was no problem. Marin says, "You didn't want me to leave," and Jack will only allow that she gives them something to talk about. Other than that dirty whore Sara everyone's always judging, right? Yeah. They walk in companionable silence until Jack says he wants his shirt back. Her own clothes were there -- why would she take his shirt? Reverse leave-behind?
MVO says that there's no easy way to move on from a relationship. At the Inn, she throws out Graham's flowers, but then reaches into the trash to save the card. At Ben's, he and Theresa arrange flowers in a vase, as Marin says, "You can try staying in the relationship...." Flower arranging doesn't seem like something rocker-chick Theresa would be into, but maybe I shouldn't judge her hobbies just because she wears hoodies and eyeliner. Jane peeks into her freezer at the cake top -- girl, if you want to eat that later, put it in a Tupperware, damn! -- as Marin says you can sit home and dream of "the perfect, unattainable one." In her room, Marin studies the card for a moment -- "But in the end, it just takes time" -- and then throws it out. "And some Alaskan tap water." She tosses her blow dryer on top of the flowers. "And the help of a town full of good men." Marin and Jack walk up the tracks, Marin's raccoon chirping along behind them. "Thanks for sleeping with me, Elmo," MVO concludes. Was it good for you, too?