In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
It's Ella's birthday! How do you want to celebrate? I know! Let's get her implicated in Sydney's murder case! Glad we could agree on that. I was just going to get her a gift card. It seems Jane's anonymous tip to Detective Rodriguez last episode was taken seriously and Ella is greeted at WPK by the authorities who want to take her in for questioning. During interrogation, Rodriguez pulls out a photograph which places Ella outside of Coal at 1 AM with a private investigator named Dante Zaretti. It's in direct contradiction to her alibi, which placed her at home with David at Midnight. Ella asks for a release or to be charged. They let her go even though in the real world when you get caught in a lie to the police, they charge you for it. Once out of the interrogation, Ella tries to get in contact with Zaretti to get their stories straight and adjusts her alibi with David. Flashbacks reveal things got really ugly between Ella and Sydney toward the end, with Ella dumping Sydney as a client and Sydney maxing out Ella's credit card. Ella had hired Zaretti to break into Sydney's apartment the night of her death to get any evidence he could so Ella could take it to police and get Sydney arrested for harassment. At her birthday party, Ella is confronted by Zaretti. They threaten each other because they both look equally guilty in this, but Zaretti gets to police first and tells a half-truth that places Ella at Sydney's before he showed up to break in. Detective Rodriguez is just waiting for Ella to slip up. This is why I hate birthdays.
Lauren gets her first assignment working as a professional hooker for Wendi Madison's prostitution ring. Things go well (there's a very sexy dance involved), but her appointment runs long causing her to miss a date with Riley to go wedding dress shopping. Riley throws a hissy fit when she catches Lauren in a lie about being at the hospital when she was really whoring. There's an apology and a promise to put friendship ahead of work that Lauren has to know deep down inside she can't keep, which Riley buys, of course. Lauren's doubts are validated at the same time they're getting back to being buddy-buddy when Wendi calls and lets Lauren know that she's going to be working a lot for her. Even though Riley makes Lauren her maid-of-honor, I don't foresee smooth sailing for this friendship in the near future. That is unless they just ignore this storyline like they have until now.
Jonah and David are suddenly basketball buddies, which gives David a chance to peek at some footage Jonah has been filming of a mansion and its prized possessions for a client. Big surprise when a $65,000 pendant turns up missing at the house, but an actual big surprise when Jonah's client accuses him of being the thief. Jonah overhears Ella talking about a necklace she stumbled upon while snooping in David's apartment looking for her birthday gift and confronts David about it, but he denies it. The day, the pendant is miraculously found safe and sound back at the mansion. David wins the Jerk-of-the-Episode Award for letting Jonah apologize to him and making him feel bad for the out-of-line accusation which really wasn't out-of-line at all.
Naturally, Coal is the site of Ella's birthday party. I mean, we've got to find storylines for this hub of activity and find a way to include Auggie, don't we? Violet takes some advice from Ella about moving up in the world, which Ella actually learned from Sydney. After getting the opportunity to back-up the regular bartender, Violet frames her for stealing $700 out of the bar register so she'll get fired and Violet can take over. I'm already tired of this "quiet, innocent girl is really evil" thing she's got going. Anyone else? At least Auggie seems to finally be acknowledging her so we don't have to put up with her embarrassingly throwing herself at him. That's my job. I mean...
Ella brings everyone together in the end to toast her friends as they all give each other dirty looks for being deceitful. It's actually pretty awesome. I always dream my friends are more interesting and evil than they are, but alas, they just aren't off whoring and stealing and framing. Some people have all the luck. We'll see how much luck it takes for Ella to escape Detective Rodriguez's awkward, undaunting clutches.
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Last time on Melrose Place, Ella was implicated in Sydney's murder through an anonymous tip to the police by Jane. We open on Ell tearing through her closet looking for clothes in her undies to Kesha's (I'm not going to put a $ in her name again) "Boots and Boys." Then she starts looking through what -- to a guy like me -- seems like thousands of shoes. Finally she settles on a little, red dress and some pink heels. Lauren klutzes into the room holding a cupcake with a candle in it in both hands. It's Ell's birthday! No wishing for Ella, though. If she wants it, she goes out and gets it, she says. She's having a party tomorrow night. Can I come, too?
Out in the courtyard, Jonah and David are coming back from playing basketball. Actually, they just played "HORSE." Ella comes out and catches them to ask about their RSVP for her birthday party. David wants to RSVP in person upstairs, if you know what he means. No shortage of innuendo with this guy. Jonah says Riley was supposed to RSVP for them both. No surprise to Ella that Riley didn't. She gets the feeling Riley doesn't like her, she jokes. Auggie walks up with his surfboard. Why don't we just have the party right here? We've got everything we need. David decides not to stick around and absorb the awkwardness of standing in the same place as Auggie since they're probably not on speaking terms after their fight, though. Oh well. Party's still on! Ella asks if they will be having the party at Coal as planned. Indeed they will. Wee! Violet walks up and talks about wanting to move up professionally at Coal to Ella. Ella turns her back to Violet dramatically and gives her a little advice Sydney gave her back in the day: there's always room to move up. FLASHBACK. A young, naive Ella is having her car immobilized by some young guy who is putting a boot on her tire. She puts on the waterworks and convinces him to let her slide. Just as she's finishing up her made-up story about a sick sister, Sydney comes out and witnesses the show. There's a slight bit of recognition between them because Sydney was a client at WPK. Ella's a bit humble (wow) about her status in life and at WPK, but Syd says she sees talent in her. Then she launches into a wave of criticism about Ella's appearance. I mean, she's wearing hoop earrings with her name in them. Yikes. Why would Sydney want to help her out? Is she some sort of good samaritan? Sydney laughs at the idea then offers Ella the opportunity to be her publicist for her art gallery. END FLASHBACK. Ella turns back to Violet to tell her it's easy. Just set your mind on what you want and go get it. That's called stealing, I believe.
Ella enters WPK with her usual air of self-importance when she starts to notice people are looking at her strangely. Detectives Rodriguez and Other Guy are waiting for her. Ella asks if they're her stripper cops. I'm not sure if she's making light of the situation or really expecting stripper cops, but in any case, Rodriguez tells her they have a tip contradicting her alibi. This always happens on birthdays.
AQUATIC TITLE CARD
Jonah's filming David who's recording a video message for Ella's birthday. Like all good birthday messages, it quickly devolves into an innuendo-laden cacophony of implied sexual favors. Riley walks in and playfully cuts David off before leaving him and Jonah to talk. All of this is for Jonah's gift to Ella, which is a documentary. Cheap ass. Jonah starts asking what David plans on giving Ella as his gift. He's certain David has scored some "serious bling" for her. David, however, says Ella has yet to earn "diamond status." His loss. *Pats ring box in pocket* As they talk, David notices on Jonah's workstation some footage of a nice mansion on the screen. You can see drool forming in David's mouth. At least I can. I have a sixth sense when it comes to drool. Jonah has been working with a real estate agent, filming virtual tours of swanky properties for possible buyers. David's so mesmerized looking at the footage that he lazily advises Jonah to sell some big movies and he'll be able to get Riley a place like that. Jonah wisecracks that he'll get right on that. He has me in stitches. From banging my head on my desk.
Auggie walks up to a hot blonde at Coal who looks stressed. She's Coal's bartender and her name is Kyra. He asks what's wrong and she lists off a number of concerns that don't concern us. She turns around dramatically to tell Auggie that she bought a bottle of wine last night. Oh. This is an alcoholics anonymous thing. Auggie tells Kyra it's OK if she needs time off, but she declines, saying work is the only thing keeping her sober right now. She's in charge of the alcohol there, not the other way around. Clever. They share a tender AA moment as Kyra grabs Auggie's hand before walking away. Violet walks up and sees, appearing to get a little jealous. She tells Auggie she saw Kyra last night doing some amazing bar tricks and Auggie gives her a vague synopsis of Kyra's troubles. Violet pays Auggie some veiled compliments about his compassion, which he just chalks up to paying it forward. He Auggies away with dramatic effect.
Inept interrogation time! Down at the station, Ella sits at a table while Detective Rodriguez tries to grill her. Ella's obviously frustrated. Interesting camera shot under the table here of Ella nervously moving her fingers. First good bit of camerawork characterization thus far in MP, and good contrast to what's going on above the table with Ella's demeanor. She's been through this before and gives her standard alibi, but Rodriguez actually has something on her. Wait, what? Detective Rodriguez actually did some detective work? There's a photo from a surveillance camera in a back alley at Coal placing her with a known private investigator named Dante Zaretti at 1 a.m. Her alibi was that she was with David at Midnight. Discrepancy! Ella insists she didn't kill Sydney and demands to be released or to have a charge brought against her, which they won't do because they have nothing on her. Um... that photograph contradicting your statement to police is something, Ell. I still love you, though.
Out at a sunny outdoor restaurant, Lauren meets up with Wendi for lunch. Wendi's surprised Lauren crawled back to her for work and reveals she's done some research on her by saying she knows Lauren wants to be a doctor, or at least is telling people that. Lauren explains to Wendi what happened with the guy who hurt her that night when she met Wendi. She wants someone keeping her safe. Wendi understands, but sets down some ground rules if they're to do business together. Wendi chooses the client, time and location. Pay is $1500 an hour at 50% commission. She misses an appointment and Lauren's done. Why does renting out your hole gotta be so complicated? Stop treating it like a time share.
COMMERCIALS
WPK. Ella is sneaking a call to Zaretti, but she gets his voicemail. She leaves him a message about them needing to get together to get their stories straight as she sees Caleb bearing down on her and hangs up. She tries to walk out of WPK, but he accosts her and tells her to clean up whatever mess she's in. He doesn't want her to embarrass the firm. FLASHBACK. Syd's telling Ella she's embarrassed her. Nobody showed up to her art gallery. Ella takes notice that this confrontation is in front of everyone in the WPK lobby and is drawing attention. Syd's being unreasonable in Ella's opinion because she got her write-ups in several major publications and brought her more potential buyers than anyone else in the firm. When Syd won't listen, Ella gives her a metaphorical slap in the face by telling her to tell her artists to paint better pictures. Sydney gets close to Ella and whispers to her a reminder of all the things she's done for the ingrate. She gave Ella style, an apartment and spent birthdays with her when her own mother wouldn't call her. The guilt trip doesn't faze Ella. She turns to walk up the stairs to her office when Syd calls after her, accusing her of sleeping her way up
the ladder in front of everyone. END FLASHBACK AND SCENE.
Out in The Complex Courtyard, Riley finds Lauren. Riley is all "hello, stranger" about the encounter. Lauren plays along like she can't remember Riley's name. She calls her Ella. Thanks for trying to keep the most interesting character present in every scene, guys, but it's just not the same. Riley asks Lauren to come help her pick a wedding dress. They make a date for tomorrow afternoon and are all smiles.
At Coal, Violet is pouring drinks trying to practice bartending when Auggie walks up. She wants to ask Marcello to be a bartender. Auggie's a bit skeptical about her chances since she just started out as a hostess. Violet's wanting some extra cash from tips because she's jealous of Ella and how nice she and everyone at The Complex dresses. Auggie tells her she doesn't need expensive clothes because she looks great. What? Violet eerily basks in the compliment.
Lauren's at the hospital when she gets a call from Wendi. In the middle of getting her first escort assignment, a patient codes right in front of her. Nice way to illustrate how the character is being pulled in two separate directions. We all know it's just as difficult to remember a location, a time and the pseudonym Nikki Bloom (come on) as it is to deal with a person going into cardiac arrest. Oh, the parallels. We're practically in a geometry class right now.
Jonah shows up at the mansion seen before in his footage at the Love Nest excited about said footage he's handing over to his real estate agent friend. His friend isn't as excited. A $65,000 pendant is missing from the house. The guy starts accusing Jonah of being a thief, which Jonah denies, but nobody else had access to the room but him. As much as I wish Jonah's character would go away it's pretty shitty to watch him take the fall for David. Jonah's all flustered as he denies the allegations, but dude doesn't care. He dials the police right in front of Jonah and asks if Jonah would be interested in a one-room efficiency with bars on the windows. OK, he didn't really ask him that, but he should've. It would've had the same gravitas as Jonah turning back to the camera with his stupid, wide-eyed face.
COMMERCIALS
Lauren's in a nice hotel room frantically straightening things up while David Guetta's "Sexy Bitch" plays in the background. A man walks in and introduces himself as Frank. He immediately kisses her. Then he questions her letting him do so and laughs to himself as if to call her a beginner. No matter; he begins peeling her clothes off. Lauren goes for the kill, but Frank is in no hurry. He walks over to the stereo system and puts on some Santigold and asks her to dance. Dance for me, I say! The request makes Lauren visibly uncomfortable and she tries to reason her way out of it. Frank's visibly frustrated. I really feel for Frank here. He threatens to get another girl. Hell yeah, Frank. Who refuses to dance to Santigold? Lauren gives in and starts awkwardly swaying, but Frank isn't putting up with this weak shit. Frank knows what he wants. Frank gets what he wants. Frank is frank with her. "Stop thinking," he says. Frank tells it like it is. Lauren heeds the advice and...OK...this is yummy. For the first time in the series, Lauren comes off smoking hot. Stephanie Jacobsen's body is pretty amazing and the camera makes sure we don't forget it. Her dancing fades to them lying in bed after the deed is done. Frank compliments Lauren as she sits up in bed. Lauren looks over at the clock to see that it's five o'clock. She's late for her wedding dress date with Riley. She starts to leave, but Frank wants her to stay. Lauren points out they've spent an hour together, but Frank keeps a second hour optional. Damn right Frank does. Lauren asks if she can make a phone call, but Frank scoffs at the idea. Lauren heeds his request, effectively blowing off Riley.
Night time by The Complex Pool as Ella is walking home and texting Dante Zaretti, insisting they need to talk. FLASHBACK. Ella is out to dinner with some friends when the waiter comes over to inform her that her credit card has been declined. That's absurd because it's her platinum card with a $20,000 limit. As she says this, she looks over across the way to see Sydney sitting at the bar smiling diabolically at her. Ella walks over to her and begins an argument that spans Sydney's relationship with Dr. Mancini and David and who walked out on whom in their own friendship. Ella threatens to have Syd arrested, but Sydney just reminds her she has a maxed out credit card now and leaves. END FLASHBACK. Somehow Ella has teleported up to David's apartment during the course of her flashback. She's waiting on him to get dressed for her birthday party. While she's waiting she starts snooping around for her birthday gift from David. She stumbles upon the pendant which was stolen from the mansion. David walks back into the room, but Ella manages to put it back and act natural so he doesn't suspect she's seen it. To make sure he doesn't suspect anything, she brings up her encounter with Detective Rodriguez and makes sure they get on the same page about changing their alibi to two a.m. Before David will agree to anything, he wants to know the truth about what Ella was up to the night Sydney died. Ella admits that she slept with a client that night. The problem with that is his wife is also a client so she can't let anyone -- including the cops -- know about it because of the potential fallout for her in the publicity industry.
We do the quick, neon cuts that let us know we're going to a glamorous party. Jonah and Riley walk in talking about his interrogation. Again, I'm curious why they let him go, given the facts of the matter, which indicate he's the only suspect. Instead, the police are going to run a background check on him and call his past employers. Wow that sucks, I guess. Jonah worries he'll get blacklisted once everyone in the industry hears he's a suspected criminal. In L.A. and Hollywood? Please. Riley does her usual calming of Jonah's paranoia and offers to go get him a drink. As she walks up to the bar, we zoom past her to Ella opening gifts. She opens David's gift and is obviously disappointed when she sees it is not the pendant. David notices and asks what's wrong. Ella brazenly admits she was expecting the pendant and starts describing it as Jonah walks up. "Son of a bitch," he says to himself.
COMMERCIALS
Back at Ella's party, Jonah is telling Riley about his suspicion. Riley brings up his supposedly misguided suspicion of Violet and teases him about being caught up in his own Hitchcockian paranoia. He admits it doesn't make sense since David could probably afford to buy those necklaces with his trust fund. Across the way, Ella checks her email on her phone and opens a message from Jonah, which brings up her birthday video. Ella loves the gesture and calls Jonah over to her to watch along with her and David. As Jonah walks away from Riley, Lauren enters and goes straight into apologizing. Riley's mostly mad she didn't even call to let her know she was being ditched. Lauren tries to lie about something coming up at the hospital. Nice try, but Riley called the hospital and you weren't there. Busted and can't be trusted.
Violet helps out Kyra at the bar just long enough to see her put a $100 bill under the register till.
We cut to a close-up of Ella's Blackberry where Jonah is on the screen walking on top of a giant CGI Blackberry with a birthday cake on its screen. *Shakes head* A group of Ella's friends has gathered around to watch the end of the video and everyone lets out an "aww" as Jonah concludes his message about why everyone loves her. She turns and hugs Jonah right in front of Riley who looks none too pleased about it. Ella proposes a toast to all her wonderful friends. She feels so lucky to have met such wonderful friends and to have them all in the same apartment complex. We cut to everyone's faces as they look with contempt at each other. Awesome. Let's break it down. Auggie's pissed at David. Jonah's pissed at David, too.
1 2 3 4
Riley's pissed at Lauren. Ella hates Riley. Violet isn't even there. Fantastic. Ella asks for shots and the group starts to disband. Auggie walks off to get their shots. Riley wants to leave early to avoid exactly what Jonah ends up doing, which is asking to have a word with David. They walk off together. Ella receives a text from an unknown number asking her to meet out on the fire escape for a birthday surprise. This can't possibly go wrong.
Ella steps through a beaded curtain out onto the fire escape. Since when do fire escapes get beaded curtains? She steps cautiously, looking for her surprise guest when Dante Zaretti appears behind her. Surprise! Though, I don't understand the peril here since she's been begging to meet with him all episode.
COMMERCIAL.
Zaretti asks Ella why all the voicemails and texts. Is she stalking him? He wishes. Ella says pretty much what she probably said in all her voicemails. She wants to get their story straight. He asks what she's been telling the police and Ella says she hasn't told them that he killed Sydney. Zaretti takes exception to that because he did happen upon Sydney's body because Ella had hired him to break into Syd's apartment that night. FLASHBACK. It's the night of Sydney's death and it's the familiar scene of David leaving to answer Sydney's distress call and telling Ella to call a cab. Only now we see that after a few drinks she ended up spotting Zaretti and meeting him outside of Coal. She asks him to break into Sydney's place to look for any evidence that would incriminate Syd and put her behind bars. END FLASHBACK. Ella starts accusing Zaretti of being the murderer, but Dante fires back that he could just as easily incriminate her. Lauren walks out onto the balcony and interrupts them. Awkward. Ella plays it cool and excuses Zaretti, saying he was just leaving.
Back inside the party, Jonah has accused David of taking the necklace already. David denies it by jokingly admitting it. Smooth. He then lies about it being a necklace another girl left by mistake. Jonah isn't necessarily buying it, but he's definitely irritated that he's been reduced to accusing his friend because his career is at risk. David doesn't seem to care much and tells Jonah to leave the detective work to the professionals. Bad move. Jonah pulls out the deadbeat card and brings up Auggie ditching him because he's a terrible friend. "I hope you don't burn through your trust fund the way you burn through the people in your life," Jonah says with disdain before walking off. Ooo... BURN!
The party is over. Auggie's counting cash as Kyra gets ready to take off. Auggie tells her to hold on a second because they're $700 short. Violet walks in and intentionally knocks over Kyra's purse which is stuffed with the money. Kyra is shocked because, well, she definitely didn't put the money there herself, and she tells Auggie as much. He doesn't believe her because there's no real reason for him to, but he's surprisingly cool about it and tells her they'll talk about it tomorrow. Kyra can't believe it. "So much for trusting each other." She storms off. Violet watches and smiles.
COMMERCIALS
"Until we bleed" by Kleerup plays while Lauren swims in The Complex Pool. Riley tries to hurry and sneak by without Lauren noticing her after working out. She's unsuccessful and Lauren jumps out of the pool to apologize. Riley stops her to explain she was using the shopping trip as an excuse to ask Lauren to be her maid of honor. Lauren's left speechless. She gets emotional and tells Riley she'll do a better job balancing her job so it doesn't get in the way of their friendship.
Jonah knocks on David's door while he... reads a magazine? If you say so. Jonah apologizes. Turns out a maid found the necklace. David's very unforgiving and lets Jonah reflect on his own delusional imagination. Wow, David's a dick. Jonah asks what he can do to make it up to David. A game of basketball with lunch at stake fixes all, according to David.
Riley and Lauren lounge by the pool looking at wedding dress catalogues having a good time. Lauren's phone rings and it's Wendi. Lauren tries to mask the conversation with medical jargon, which Wendi plays along with. Wendi says Lauren passed her exam and she'll be using a lot of her. "Welcome to the family," Wendi says. Lauren hangs up and lies to Riley about passing some exam at the hospital. She looks off to the side with a worried look on her face. Why can't whores have friends, too?
At Coal, Violet comes up to Auggie to ask about Kyra. Marcello's going to fire her. Auggie wanted to give her a second chance, but no dice. Violet, seeing this opportunist thing through, asks immediately about taking over as bartender. Auggie already talked to Marcello about it. She's got a few hours this week as a tryout. Violet is elated. Before walking off, she touches Auggie's hand the exact same way Kyra did earlier when they were sharing their AA moment. Well at least Violet knows how to creep people out.
Ella comes home looking... homely. She's walking through the courtyard when she finds Detective Rodriguez is waiting for her. He talked to Zaretti. Ella starts to walk away as she tries to confidently verify over her shoulder Zaretti stuck to their story. He didn't. Zaretti told Rodriguez about being hired to break into Syd's and went ahead with accusing Ella of getting there before him and murdering Sydney. Ella doesn't understand why Zaretti is credible, but Rodriguez just says that if his story can be verified, Ella will be charged with murder. Ella doesn't let her confidence crack and says, 'That's a big if." Rodriguez creeps up to Ella to tell her, "It's gonna feel real good when I get to tighten those handcuffs around those adorable little wrists of yours." He walks away. Dramatic drum beat to crane shot of Ella in deep thought standing by the pool.
Oh yeah... and where's Jane? This whole thing was her plan and she didn't even watch it unfold with us. What a jerk.
1 2 3 4
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
1 2 3 4